tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50721514286436086282024-03-05T20:34:54.802-08:00I Have Issues...katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-37584040546128002112017-01-04T16:37:00.000-08:002017-01-04T16:37:02.821-08:00The Secret of the Girl Behind the Boobs <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsXKOIqGx5298m1iDkreQ5yU4b4_NrWezYlfXrtfV18wI9U_KbsZxdW-jVWCtD-SyI2geXbgs4WBOZaQdYqnB9Bd0D_PqbtDfD6NMZSSrzmNE-qRf1_PQafdyRoMzCz6yZaR1FlNwoY_Q/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsXKOIqGx5298m1iDkreQ5yU4b4_NrWezYlfXrtfV18wI9U_KbsZxdW-jVWCtD-SyI2geXbgs4WBOZaQdYqnB9Bd0D_PqbtDfD6NMZSSrzmNE-qRf1_PQafdyRoMzCz6yZaR1FlNwoY_Q/s320/00.JPG" width="206" /></a>Last week's issue officially kicked off the <i>Infinite Crisis </i>event with admittedly less than shaky results. It was a story that didn't know how to thread the thematic core conflict it wished to tell into the action of the story, resulting in an issue in which the Big Three stood around bickering while we would occasionally cut to action elsewhere, most of which were bleedover from ongoing stories happening in other books that weren't well explained enough for me to fathom what was actually happening, but giving me enough of a glimpse to realize that there were nuggets of actually interesting stories in the margins. I don't know. Maybe now when I'm writing this in late 2016, I'm exhausted from a decade of hero vs hero events, that dedicating the launch of a cosmic level event to the internal conflict of these three just left me feeling like this event might have some framing issues.<br />
<br />
Issue #2 turned out to be a bit better, although I honestly think the story had nowhere to go but up.<br />
<br />
We start out at the home of Animal Man, where he is looking for his space suit before he can head out to join the Titans' "Save the Entire Universe" coalition. He explains to his wife that his powers (which I assume uses the same sort of principal as Vixen's, minus the mystical totem) have been going haywire ever since the crisis began, not unlike how dogs can tell when there is going to be an earthquake.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6piqxbvN2RDOuM7GvPD0S-QjLELWR9zQkOPWLunoBXYVGO5tbJJkjDQLZcBlH7VH5oEsH_veO7JQGiSoF7Ur7fv_ZL0_3jncxv30cO7vUHFRgFUpYIwV54h0LJFMQVNis5nUY-eM207k/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6piqxbvN2RDOuM7GvPD0S-QjLELWR9zQkOPWLunoBXYVGO5tbJJkjDQLZcBlH7VH5oEsH_veO7JQGiSoF7Ur7fv_ZL0_3jncxv30cO7vUHFRgFUpYIwV54h0LJFMQVNis5nUY-eM207k/s1600/01.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How literal a "moon base" can we get on a Titan salary?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguV5T7jfVUVSPC7TMYrzD47p3racSBZkN_kt93e-YM6fYaQzSZws9COc-2eiKUD64P1Q1lhmXfn-0IMiueJrI1QiNq4006oesOZxeGEFLulT5GKmlbfRB-CMV7kFEzPGt8oUcBVH6TNcM/s1600/02+where+are+the+escher+stairs.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguV5T7jfVUVSPC7TMYrzD47p3racSBZkN_kt93e-YM6fYaQzSZws9COc-2eiKUD64P1Q1lhmXfn-0IMiueJrI1QiNq4006oesOZxeGEFLulT5GKmlbfRB-CMV7kFEzPGt8oUcBVH6TNcM/s400/02+where+are+the+escher+stairs.JPG" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Escher stairs are being installed<br />
next Thursday. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He teleports by super speed pinball (?) to the staging area of the mission, which looks to be a cyberpunk version of an ancient Greek cityscape nestled into an asteroid shaped like a crescent moon (or maybe a moon that has been hollowed out to look more cartoonish). This is New Cronus, which doubles as their method to getting to the center of the universe. It turns out this thing is also a ship, which sounds incredibly implausible.<br />
<br />
It turns out that Animal Man isn't the only canary in the proverbial coal mine, as a character whose brain is basically a ham radio starts flipping out over all the SOS signals he's getting from across the universe. A bit of research showed that this kid is Hal Jordan's nephew, also named Hal Jordan. I wonder if they initially tried to pass him off as the real Hal Jordan after the last reality reboot, like with the new Wally West.<br />
<br />
We finish this scene drawing our attention to Supergirl, who tells us that there is no word in Kryptonian for "escape." Will that fascinating xenolinguistic anecdonte amount to anything in this narrative? Don't hold your breath.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirl54ZPQgD3JHShQGCf70Yg-wJWCZkEG3FrA_veT8UPmLeZUMaEH0ZuC_9rf_CbH4aL4OtPD4liTsJ5WnUUzbxq6_znT1bF_6_t8NJNQijh0PAEzJYVQqqRiyKggTwQ5ikzR3u3oBJL_g/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirl54ZPQgD3JHShQGCf70Yg-wJWCZkEG3FrA_veT8UPmLeZUMaEH0ZuC_9rf_CbH4aL4OtPD4liTsJ5WnUUzbxq6_znT1bF_6_t8NJNQijh0PAEzJYVQqqRiyKggTwQ5ikzR3u3oBJL_g/s320/03.JPG" width="222" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even a giant's hands aren't big enough to <br />
cover up the ladies.</td></tr>
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The only reason I can think of why they would end this page with her is that the following opens with a shot of Power Girl. My knowledge of Power Girl is pretty much limited to the New 52 World's Finest series. I somehow suspect in between Infinite Crisis and the New 52, they concluded that her breasts were cartoonishly over-sized... like the artist used a then-contemporary Pamela Anderson as a point of reference. I'm going to come back to this, undoubtedly, but let me just warn you that her physical proportions are... disconcerting.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ_Niqp9RwmQtAs8C5jqVZyGf6b2dcP-ARKC0a2NgK6FyEZStQqvM5i8M9UOXxL66dUevQ3p-nlhPNF7f1EoAGLG3Ze3CoHkFYlZhWrSpKumLhEp1LZOZY5WN8YPL-Aj5vXzuEjUSJh_8/s1600/Capture.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ_Niqp9RwmQtAs8C5jqVZyGf6b2dcP-ARKC0a2NgK6FyEZStQqvM5i8M9UOXxL66dUevQ3p-nlhPNF7f1EoAGLG3Ze3CoHkFYlZhWrSpKumLhEp1LZOZY5WN8YPL-Aj5vXzuEjUSJh_8/s320/Capture.JPG" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"She's a Barbie Girl in a Male Gaze World..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I don't want to fixate on Power Girl's breasts, but the fact of the matter is the artist is making it impossible not to. Power Girl is well-known for her ample bosoms, I was surprised about just how ridiculous they are. They are so endowed that half the time, it makes her head look shrunken. Even with a giantess on the scene, it's her breasts that cause me to wonder whether or not that can actually exist in nature. She looks like pretty messed up.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPTpXtiC21Ty5376sAhM4Kxm-5uUMfmqrjMiPkqXzr64aVMrCEJMDBjdemkFpq-Rm9YSAacqSSVxty8kHsQdiyu5feoOZTs7rEdo34NG-K0fVc3L0JqeYeNyzUUZ6PpijP9ACG6A0yOes/s1600/00a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPTpXtiC21Ty5376sAhM4Kxm-5uUMfmqrjMiPkqXzr64aVMrCEJMDBjdemkFpq-Rm9YSAacqSSVxty8kHsQdiyu5feoOZTs7rEdo34NG-K0fVc3L0JqeYeNyzUUZ6PpijP9ACG6A0yOes/s320/00a.JPG" width="207" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What good is a cape if I can see your ass?!</td></tr>
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Between her extreme "WWE Divas" musculature, breasts that would put Dolly Parton to shame, and a costume that both puts the girls out on display while also basically being an arrow pointing to her vaginal area she basically resembles less a superhero than the embodiment of the toxic male gaze.<br />
<br />
There must have been a different artist for the cover because Power Girl looks a lot less like a short-haired Anna Nicole Smith doll that's been through the wash a couple times and a lot more like a viable human form. The ladies are still very much on display, mind you. The artist clearly knows how to advertise to 12-year-olds who are into boobs. In fact, they even extended an olive branch to the butt crowd with the variant cover. Seriously, how is her cape fluttering up like that when they are indoors at an extra-dimensional room full of reality tv screens?<br />
<br />
Kal-L narrates about her post-crisis background. This version of Power Girl was discovered on Earth an amnesiac doppelganger (I think the writer meant "Jane Doe," unless there is a definition of doppelganger I'm unaware of) and that she has gone through life without a sense of direction or importance, and yet she keeps fighting. Given that, he is proud of her and quite happy to greet her when he rushes in to assist her when outnumbered and greets her as his cousin.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAx_GMnUnUqjAuczRVbnFaThq1w0bESvUQRpyMQQlfMPDF30KPKcOg0CJJRB9z1-0iQWQI3_6tlL4doj35S3Xnkqtp7d70wujE3aU1z407dVXVJ6I3dKxCNPKU9w0w2t90qMCO3LJ8uDo/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAx_GMnUnUqjAuczRVbnFaThq1w0bESvUQRpyMQQlfMPDF30KPKcOg0CJJRB9z1-0iQWQI3_6tlL4doj35S3Xnkqtp7d70wujE3aU1z407dVXVJ6I3dKxCNPKU9w0w2t90qMCO3LJ8uDo/s320/04.JPG" width="208" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stranger danger, Karen! Call an adult!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I am going to put a pin in the Kal-L and Power Girl story for now because that's really going to be the main thrust of this issue.<br />
<br />
For now though, we have a lot of one-or-two-page-long vignettes about all the other things going on in the DC Universe. Some of these tie in to what we've seen last issue, while others-- just like last time-- feel completely random and we don't get a full explanation.<br />
<br />
At the Daily Planet, Perry White assigns Lois to write on the recently uncovered bodies of the Freedom Fighters (Ray and Uncle Sam are still MIA). He seems particularly riled up over this story because "they were American heroes." <br />
<br />
Like I said last time, I feel like this team was selected for the chopping block because of the built-in patriotic symbolism. Keep in mind, this was conceived of and written in the years immediately following 9/11. I guess it was still in the era when playing up American patriotism and using clunky symbolism in order to achieve a galvanized sense of national pride was still considered moving instead of distasteful.<br />
<br />
Mind you, I'm not taking as much issue with the idea as much as the execution. The Freedom Fighters are career C-listers. In fact, if you look up <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CListFodder">C-List Fodder</a> on TVTropes, DC Comics has its own sub-heading and the Freedom Fighters feature prominently. If not for the fact that the team is led by a guy who goes around looking like Uncle Sam, this team would have been in the clear. This team got taken from their habitual role of warming the proverbial bench just because DC editorial needed someone to die to kick off their event while also blatantly tugging at the heartstrings of post-9/11 America.<br />
<br />
Did I mention this came out the same year as Marvel's <i>Civil War </i>storyline?<br />
<br />
Lois finds her spouse around the office, staring pensively at a framed headline from that time he died, which I suspect would be a sore subject to begin with let alone last issue Batman put salt in the wound by accusing Clark of not being inspirational since then. Just to give you a frame of reference, the Death of Superman arc ended in January of 1993 and he was back before that year was out. In the intervening time, Superman has had twelve years' worth of series across multiple solo titles as well as being a mainstay of Justice League. To accuse Superman of not being inspirational in all that time is cold and unfeeling even by the standards of Batman. <br />
<br />
Ever get the feeling that you're reading a book set in the Darkest Timeline from <i>Community?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
I feel like they wanted to put in a pep talk, but for the sake of squeezing everything into this book, Clark settles for a kiss. Then he just switches from his Kent persona to Superman in the middle of the hallway (I guess it's a secluded wing of the office) and goes off to... something(?) I think he might have been going to seek out the Secret Society, considering without his super hearing he and presumably everyone in a five floor radius has heard Perry's half of his conversation with Lois. Seriously, Perry White's superhero handle would be "ALLCAPS MAN."<br />
<br />
Speaking of the Secret Society, there is a two page sequence that is essentially just housekeeping and letting the reader know which books to read based on which villains they like. It's a handful of characters in presumably a "secret volcano lair" coordinating plans with characters on monitors and telling you where other characters who are visible on monitors will be. For me, this kind of scene is a lot like getting a flu shot. It's quick, it's necessary, but I will find any number of things to do other than read this kind of scene.<br />
<br />
However, we get a twist when we immediately discover who has been eavesdropping on this entire scene. Even though he is a participant in this scene: Lex Luthor. But this Lex doesn't know why he's hearing himself on his radio. Also, the reader doesn't know why he's in his super Silver Age green and purple power suit. Then again, having only a touch and go understanding of post-Crisis DC, I wonder why he is an older bald man instead of a ruggedly handsome bearded ginger or why he's not president. Or why he's an outright villain instead of a sly puppetmaster who manages to keep his hands clean. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say the retro power suited Lex is an extra dimensional hand-me-down who somehow ended up here when Kal-L punched a hole in reality.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqZLCVU3V98Y7ai0Axe5-SpEE8AktVAdlIlOO3_9RNxZZ1lFyyHjBdv1o3I8_AAgdi5E9psk5uLqLhFcj9a4z5815__6FT4hFCeoY7T29wFhvHF5RRK0JfeAHZ1NFlKBqEU_yVrZZyeJE/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqZLCVU3V98Y7ai0Axe5-SpEE8AktVAdlIlOO3_9RNxZZ1lFyyHjBdv1o3I8_AAgdi5E9psk5uLqLhFcj9a4z5815__6FT4hFCeoY7T29wFhvHF5RRK0JfeAHZ1NFlKBqEU_yVrZZyeJE/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well that tacky color combo would make <br />
anyone have trouble thinking straight.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What is weird to Lex is that just as he is about to launch into a villain speech, his brain basically shuts down on him. He forgets what he was about to say, he can't seem to get a clear thought, and not even he knows what he's doing in that garish battle suit. Just then, he looks up to see the telltale sign of two blue and red streaks shoot across the sky....<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Booster Gold is back from a jaunt through the timestream. Good to know he left. And he's back to retrieve his OTP's prized possession, the Blue Beetle Scarab, which last we saw what accidentally dropped in the Wizard Shazam's cave. I bet the Spectre killing him for... reasons... will throw a wrench into that plan and that DC is heavily convinced that this glorified cameo will pique your interest in finding out what happened to Kord's alien and/or magic bug thing.<br />
<br />
A real world decision in the writer's room must have been to reverse the best tie-in scenes for Wonder Woman and Batman characters to make up for how awfully the came off looking last issue.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfXhpL6cEzVBDxLKC1Rf48uHNAQyuRewiNWf6IlAZrKlFLKhugN0F-fXDEolOfZipKmffBEqJ-GK1tc3SldSkZ3QAQJAGqIA6A21WGA1Qu3raBh_N0lRR0HXEk38gGkXeX9o3M6EvwsKk/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfXhpL6cEzVBDxLKC1Rf48uHNAQyuRewiNWf6IlAZrKlFLKhugN0F-fXDEolOfZipKmffBEqJ-GK1tc3SldSkZ3QAQJAGqIA6A21WGA1Qu3raBh_N0lRR0HXEk38gGkXeX9o3M6EvwsKk/s320/06.JPG" width="320" /></a>First we get this incredibly amazing scene where the Joker is torturing a member of the Royal Flush Gang. In case the name doesn't give it away, they are a playing card-themed team of villains, traditionally they tend to be thieves or hired muscle for villains with much higher schemes. It seems he's miffed about being at being left out of Luthor's Secret Society Games. And of course King of Spades has no problem with calling a spade a spade and telling him off. Joker electrocutes him to death with his joy buzzer. Well, what did you think was going to happen, King?<br />
<br />
Then as Joker walks away, we see all the dismembered, maimed, and otherwise dead bodies of the RF gang. Sometimes, I forget just how effective a character the Joker can be. I generally view him the way I view Deadpool. He's at his best when he's used in moderation and becomes less engaging when he is at the center of drawn out arcs, or in recent cinematic past, in films he didn't need to be in. Also, "body horror" Joker really doesn't work for me either.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdiirCtDfPaeqxHTVNqCSQ3_xXs5ZtsmhKi8qE2V8gUpk_nyVFx2FaCK5K6IFzQiRSsgD_otU7CC-NFVEXGO9pQhR-yAu2QheIQqKYS6fgAFpEj5fkUAkVWH18jFBpGOVYPcziwZdZtNM/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdiirCtDfPaeqxHTVNqCSQ3_xXs5ZtsmhKi8qE2V8gUpk_nyVFx2FaCK5K6IFzQiRSsgD_otU7CC-NFVEXGO9pQhR-yAu2QheIQqKYS6fgAFpEj5fkUAkVWH18jFBpGOVYPcziwZdZtNM/s320/07.JPG" width="291" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alfred: He'll regret this when I write my tell-all book.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In the Batcave, Alfred is trying to treat Bruce's injuries, but it is clear that Batman is growing unhinged. Or, well, even more unhinged for a guy who runs around dressed like a bat so that he can punch people with actual superpowers into submission. Once he yells at Alfred to go away, his computer screens light up with a pink light and we see a giant Egyptian-style eye.<br />
<br />
Bruce recognizes it as Brother Eye. And it's here that we find out that he created this thing in order to spy on meta humans and other terrestially based super-powered beings basically because he's still miffed over Zatana erasing five minutes of his memory. Imagine if she'd erased the memory of seeing his parents get gunned down right in front of him. Maybe his personality would have adjusted seismically and he could be a sane, well-adjusted person.<br />
<br />
Not only is Brother Eye the result of Batman's paranoia, but it turns out so are the OMACs. Yeah, Brother Eye is so committed to his programmed mission statement to keep meta-humans from threatening the Earth (read: "Bruce Wayne's fragile sense of security") that it turned apparently thousands of unsuspecting humans into sleeper cyborgs who can be activated and having their free will overridden at a moment's notice in order to achieve Brother Eye's objectives.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12e3a_pFa7XNAZ6wT6gvSpIDCbMlx35NJl98bu45QzaWBD2qziX_40wvt7z-uFBZt0vRVIbOMKpwT2bOy1bjMQrwj9GsHHEyiW4uE9yT60tSyByP9qTPY5YMvrRKYOuC19JpiRERayEw/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg12e3a_pFa7XNAZ6wT6gvSpIDCbMlx35NJl98bu45QzaWBD2qziX_40wvt7z-uFBZt0vRVIbOMKpwT2bOy1bjMQrwj9GsHHEyiW4uE9yT60tSyByP9qTPY5YMvrRKYOuC19JpiRERayEw/s320/08.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I feel like THIS should have been more of a focal point.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Brother Eye also has a quirk of saying "Eye" instead of "I" when using the first person singular and I have a hard time deciding if that would be more irritating in print or out loud.<br />
<br />
Finally, we cut to Themiscyra, where Wonder Woman and a cadre of female superheroines are all battling the OMACs. There's not much to say about it, but it is truly a spectacular bit of action that, once again we only get a glimpse of.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq1qCqxmRKECthg9g1Wjusw4ha4xTt-wdH3jxqMCgMTs_ONC6xDzCpmNV4osV2qzBnPLv05ENCRkUN-Y_Z0DDh1v4vo3wc7Jqxy2mtca4Yd3PMXu9s7yzQzDmwoAoi7_klvg4JJSG_uwM/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq1qCqxmRKECthg9g1Wjusw4ha4xTt-wdH3jxqMCgMTs_ONC6xDzCpmNV4osV2qzBnPLv05ENCRkUN-Y_Z0DDh1v4vo3wc7Jqxy2mtca4Yd3PMXu9s7yzQzDmwoAoi7_klvg4JJSG_uwM/s320/09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also would have light THIS to be the main conflict.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Finally, we return to the Kal-L/Power Girl story. Keep in mind, this is the subplot they decided to feature on the cover. It's what they are using to sell this issue. Want to know what earth-shattering plot point happens? Do you think you can handle this? Okay, get ready for your jaws to drop to the floor.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVAztRGgSXLZInatO_oBtIcNvvSKBk8EP5O1PUvsBNJA0L_ONHbhRKOfOD7fEdt8ME5rJEFfhTj0baK0pHRJ7x3kAErkV-Z0qQRFxKsehm_XfyjhhlKf1jA-OQortE36JrjHEPc9Ff61k/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVAztRGgSXLZInatO_oBtIcNvvSKBk8EP5O1PUvsBNJA0L_ONHbhRKOfOD7fEdt8ME5rJEFfhTj0baK0pHRJ7x3kAErkV-Z0qQRFxKsehm_XfyjhhlKf1jA-OQortE36JrjHEPc9Ff61k/s320/10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her breasts are WAY too close to her cousin's crotch. Just sayin'...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Kal-L and Alexander Luthor summarize a twenty-year-old storyline. I mean, they do eventually restore Power <strike>Boob</strike> Girl's <strike>mammaries</strike> memories, but essentially they exist in this issue to be an expositor and an audience surrogate. To be fair, it had been 20 years since <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths </i>and there are younger readers and casual readers who inevitably need some context. However, seven of 28 pages, a full quarter of the issue is dedicated to explaining an old plotline, including the complex multiverse cosmology. Exposition is a thankless chore, granted, but this one feels like a thankless chore that has been heavily labored in the hopes of getting a pat on the back afterwards.<br />
<br />
Also, the exposition paints D-Cups as this special, special snowflake who managed to survive the Crisis because she has a unique purpose. He thinks she is the sole individual from Earth 2 slipped through the cracks of reality because she must have some important destiny. But clearly the writer only read a summary of the event he is failing to succinctly summarize because this conclusion is emphatically not what we learned in the original. In fact Kal-L's description of events even covers.<br />
<br />
Basically, everyone who was at the site of the battle with the Anti-Monitor at the beginning of time survived when the Earths were all merged into one. Most of the non-Earth-1 remainders ended up being killed afterward, except Earth-2's Kal-L and his Lois Lane-Kent, and Earth-Prime's Superboy, who all went to live in a heavens pocket universe. Everyone else had no doppelgangers who survived-- that includes Wonder Bra here because Earth-1's Supergirl famously died in <i>Crisis</i> and up until very recently DC's publication history, the Supergirls that appeared afterward explicitly wasn't "Superman's younger cousin." In fact the new Supergirl who had surfaced a few years earlier was "Superman's <i>older </i>cousin who just seems younger because... plot stuff."<br />
<br />
Hell. She isn't even the sole survivor of Earth-2. I know that Jay Garrick is around, and even in this issue, we saw Psycho-Pirate, as well as Alan Scott and at least one of his children. This explanation Kal-L is giving her does not hold up well under scrutiny.<br />
<br />
Finally we find out what Kal-L's objective is. He thinks that the wrong Earth survived <i>Crisis. </i>In case you didn't read my last installment, he arrived at this conclusion because they did nothing in their supposed heaven dimension by watching nothing but vast numbers of screens showing events playing out on New Earth.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI0EbUORK_j1a8zpyVKeLvddoqRVOLk29A5Y3gJ-Bc79Br-BXj5f_XpYYqsolr6Pue1dh1xix3x8mxKy-uAkF0FZtN3Xzy6naCjnxpd3y_KoHD4PNfOc0btO4rABAQFsQORuirUKmjjc/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI0EbUORK_j1a8zpyVKeLvddoqRVOLk29A5Y3gJ-Bc79Br-BXj5f_XpYYqsolr6Pue1dh1xix3x8mxKy-uAkF0FZtN3Xzy6naCjnxpd3y_KoHD4PNfOc0btO4rABAQFsQORuirUKmjjc/s320/11.JPG" width="140" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Have you tried flying around the<br />
Earth counter-clockwise?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
One plot point that I have failed to mention until now, in fact the comic doesn't reveal it until very late as well, is that upon leaving their heavenly reality, Earth-2 Lois immediately started dying. Kal-L immediately explains that this is what the existing reality does: it actively targets the elderly and kills them. Maybe one of the channels they got in that heavenly screening room was playing <i>Final Destination</i>.<br />
<br />
My interpretation of events is that Lois was already old back in 1985. Living in this pocket dimension basically halted the ravages of time and leaving it basically caused the ravages of time to catch up with them. The others all have reason why they don't visibly age, but from Kal-L's perspective, it's as though this world is actively targeting Lois.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqxL6TpMKwseQYsxRxUftNRq4dqZB552Un8QYxxAVyC57VPtEKoVOgfklWxDa6j5mWJ5ULYq0vJJ0KqenQeHlQmgYDohFvPca4T4Iujk3wqXv32DllGA7af5yZ-MFdPdTjci5kFOTT91s/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqxL6TpMKwseQYsxRxUftNRq4dqZB552Un8QYxxAVyC57VPtEKoVOgfklWxDa6j5mWJ5ULYq0vJJ0KqenQeHlQmgYDohFvPca4T4Iujk3wqXv32DllGA7af5yZ-MFdPdTjci5kFOTT91s/s1600/12.JPG" /></a>Well, of course, you think the world is fucked when you do nothing but watch reality TV all day.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Iet5qPtQBIkZCOSbj_4P9vQYMMHLuM6x5LzMS2QWerZlv8J2_ZrBH_NEZSPeigmg79XGVLitxksrG-JOpVHybQmpnHQ6Jf-ZTd5excIHqB1upzscphWgE7-USwp_Sjkp5_o4KNijj6I/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8Iet5qPtQBIkZCOSbj_4P9vQYMMHLuM6x5LzMS2QWerZlv8J2_ZrBH_NEZSPeigmg79XGVLitxksrG-JOpVHybQmpnHQ6Jf-ZTd5excIHqB1upzscphWgE7-USwp_Sjkp5_o4KNijj6I/s320/13.JPG" width="317" /></a>Now he is determined to fix it by restoring Earth-2 to existence and erase the existing reality. Bearing in mind that Earth-2 has a more Golden Age wholesome affect to it, it's like someone saying "life was better in the good old days" except Kal-L has the power to bust through reality like the Kool-Aid guy, so he possibly could make this happen, regardless of how adversely this could effect the billions of lives of the extant reality.<br />
<br />
Ye gods! Earth-2 Superman has become an incredibly well meaning Donald Trump and he sincerely does want to make the DC Universe great again. He's out of touch with reality. He surrounds himself with yes men (one is literally hid younger self). He plans to ruin the world in order to bring his idea of "great again" into being. He mansplains. He gets angry at the TV. And he's looking a bit too longingly at a younger female family member who is well-endowed. Ye gods, when will he start tweeting angrily at the cast of Hamilton or SNL?!<br />
<br />
I'm scared.<br />
<br />
Send help.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-zHkuaq9RkPasUCCuDImLe5GXJV0cp05gmNxwweIxg4tU0F-MPB5qgk2Xl6H7Q_rLqpmPE_fEFaC4barit2kLpaONLL0O2Ci2JVkMG-c0FFHuBJVabbypih8-3LfPj7m6UXUcNX6t-JA/s1600/Os8OHi42QWqdC09JsyrZ_trump+tn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-zHkuaq9RkPasUCCuDImLe5GXJV0cp05gmNxwweIxg4tU0F-MPB5qgk2Xl6H7Q_rLqpmPE_fEFaC4barit2kLpaONLL0O2Ci2JVkMG-c0FFHuBJVabbypih8-3LfPj7m6UXUcNX6t-JA/s400/Os8OHi42QWqdC09JsyrZ_trump+tn.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I was going for a "Superman in a Trump hat" picture, but this just feels better.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-30009408282599206552016-12-21T12:55:00.000-08:002016-12-21T12:55:49.623-08:00Dr. Claw's Judgment-O-Vision<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwszb63bIiEHKaRtKV2tW4Q7RQg9mVWmaCUTAJuZPpnA1XAsFLvSPLALUK9NBLR2HCCSQHb_xBypgo5BYV51ewtOR6ZbhRpXffMtFq6zfVIL8PuaPA3Z9SBfNYZ3Vw-07KhKpg8WFc6SM/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwszb63bIiEHKaRtKV2tW4Q7RQg9mVWmaCUTAJuZPpnA1XAsFLvSPLALUK9NBLR2HCCSQHb_xBypgo5BYV51ewtOR6ZbhRpXffMtFq6zfVIL8PuaPA3Z9SBfNYZ3Vw-07KhKpg8WFc6SM/s640/00.JPG" width="411" /></a>Last time, I hypothesized that <i>Countdown to Infinite Crisis</i> was a "Zero Issue" to <i>Infinite Crisis</i>. <i>Countdown </i>and issue #1 of <i>Infinite Crisis</i> that it launches with a completely different status quo from where we left off last time. In fact, I felt so lost after reading this week's issue that I did some cursory research in my totally legit database that I swear to Zeus isn't wikipedia (full disclosure, it was wikipedia) and found out that <i>Countdown </i>wasn't the launching point for <i>Infinite Crisis, </i>but instead launched four six-issue mini-series that lead <i>into Infinite Crisis. </i>Even worse, last week's read is also referred to as <i><u>Prelude</u> to Infinite Crisis</i>.<i> </i>Uh-huh. DC Comics, someone needs to sit you down and explain what the words "Countdown" and "Prelude" mean.<br />
<br />
Foolish me. I was emphatically wrong. So much shit apparently went down betwixt<br />
<br />
Yeah, if it seems like this revelation is abhorrent to me, then congratulations on your basic ability to pick up context clues. The fact that the issue which was supposed to launch an event actually launched four separate series that you need to read to follow what's going on here is on the one hand evil genius, provided the entire fanbase follows all the series and nobody is cherry picking their titles. On the other hand, it's a pretty dumb move. The four mini-series are six issues long and the main event is seven. That means this entire narrative from <i>Countdown</i> to the conclusion took over a year to tell. And keep in mind, that events usually drag the entire existing publication line with them. Cross-over exhaust can drive away an audience just as easily as bad story-telling... which tends to be a frequent companion of company-wide events in shared universe comics, surprisingly enough.<br />
<br />
But on the other hand, this blog's mission statement is diving into the deep end with these giant events and trying to suss things out with as little additional reading as possible. So from that perspective, this is DC giving me a gift. We thank you for this bounty we are about to receive.<br />
<br />
We start the issue with Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman arriving at the Justice League's lunar base, The Watch Tower, which has been left in ruins following attack. Like I mentioned, there has been six months' worth of stories between where we left off in <i>Countdown</i>, so as easy as it would be to postulate that this was an attack by Luthor's united villains (in fact one of the mini series leading up to this was called <i>Villians United),</i> until the story tells me otherwise, I'm just going to assume that this was the result of a structural problem, maybe even termites. "Termites on the moon" sounds like a hilariously awful B-Movie from the 50s that MST3K would have screened, now that I think of it.<br />
<br />
Batman and Superman appraise the damage, and Batman finds the Watchtower's black box. They determine that Martian Manhunter wasn't on-site when the assault happened. They don't state whether anyone else was around, but to be fair, despite having multiple cover identities on Earth, J'onn tends to be treated like an extension of the Watchtower.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPg8OS-VXDf1IItJzs_EOveKjD2mENcVtlUb9_xZTfVuYkZutpksONwWdZFDlfopPbzHAYLZSHRuOYQKo-_R4s2RD_9y0VWIHof8XZGSL7cK9e3TTpHVJpGFdgQYPEKlldNG0-LiLESs/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPg8OS-VXDf1IItJzs_EOveKjD2mENcVtlUb9_xZTfVuYkZutpksONwWdZFDlfopPbzHAYLZSHRuOYQKo-_R4s2RD_9y0VWIHof8XZGSL7cK9e3TTpHVJpGFdgQYPEKlldNG0-LiLESs/s320/01.JPG" width="259" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And yes, her cape game is slaying it. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Batman and Superman are not pleased that Wonder Woman is in attendance, declaring that she doesn't belong there. I think they're going all "he-man woman haters club" because she's horning in on their cape game and out-doing the both of them, but the reason they cite for their hostility is because she kind of had this oopsy daisy moral event horizons in which she snapped the neck of arch villain and career manipulator, Maxwell Lord.<br />
<br />
You'll remember him from my last entry as the man who coordinated the complete ruination of Blue Beetle's life, then shot him square between the eyes when he refused to join up with his clearly evil organization. I really don't think I'm going to loose any sleep over this.<br />
<br />
They treat this like this was a severe betrayal of the ethics of the justice league and throughout the issue, there will be a lot of discussion between these three. Yup. The holy trinity of DC comics are going to spend the premiere issue of this major event going having the worst group therapy session. It's threaded throughout the issue, but the summary of it is that Bats and Supes think Wonder Woman has lost her way because she took a life.<br />
<br />
Now, I do acknowledge that the popular conception of Superman and Batman is that they both hold true to the belief that they do not kill. That being said, both characters actually have killed. Granted, at least in the post-crisis instances, these weren't done lightly. But none of these instances were grounds for the other Justice Leaguers to subject her to a good old-fashioned Amish shunning and it only serves to make Clark and Bruce look sanctimonious and preachy.<br />
<br />
In fact, I think they care less about her killing than the fact that she did it on live television where the entire world could see. One of the most legendary members of the League committing homicide for all the world to see is probably hell on their PR. I'm assuming the Justice League is a lot like the Avengers and whenever there is a major re-working of the lineup, there is a press field day and a public reveal, so more than likely they are just on edge at the thought of having to field pesky reporter questions about ethics and excessive force. Also, since I didn't read the mini-series that occurred in, I'm going to go out on a ledge and say that, being a poor man's Lex Luthor, Lord managed to do enough to provoke Wonder Woman without ever being publicly outed as a supervillain.<br />
<br />
Then, still in the wake of this abysmal election cycle, I can't help but note that Wonder Woman is being held to a higher standard that Batman or Superman. It reminds me of how the Grand High Oompa Loompa was laughably unqualified to run around the block, let alone for the presidency (and the revelations since the elections have only made that clearer), whereas Clinton was basically put through the wringer basically because she was less than perfect. I really feel like that's what's going on here. Batman has had some really dark chapters and Superman has been know to kill as a last resort, too. And yet it is beyond the pale when Wonder Woman does it because girls are supposed to run around with their little lassos, play nice, and set a good example. Seriously, fuck that noise.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNhoighU8FJ39wkCzHlWV45BKqDgLMhOwwcgjupSNDCp7RjilVqACjIgBDyw6AGS4YNFrPwhFdJgrbWBmEPQdBC1fQl3a7J4ldYaE7EnCtI9pNS7VLq4IgPLJ3KCPD08au-Dklsf1PQvc/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNhoighU8FJ39wkCzHlWV45BKqDgLMhOwwcgjupSNDCp7RjilVqACjIgBDyw6AGS4YNFrPwhFdJgrbWBmEPQdBC1fQl3a7J4ldYaE7EnCtI9pNS7VLq4IgPLJ3KCPD08au-Dklsf1PQvc/s320/02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Still less damning that Trump's "grab 'em by the pussy."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Their discussion ends up devolving into just a general airing of grievances and they all decide the effort isn't worth it. Before they can all go on their separate ways however, they are ambushed by Mongul. I only vaguely remember him from <i>Young Justice </i>(which is sad in light of the fact that he was voiced by Keith David), but the general gist I got was that he is an alien conquering warlord type with a history of getting repelled by the Justice League. I didn't see the need to do too much research on him because honestly, he's really only here because the heroes need something to hit.<br />
<br />
In another era, giving them a common enemy to vanquish would be a good way to bring them together towards a common goal and help them put their differences aside, but in this book, once the fight is over, they just resume their pithy argument. It's actually pretty Whedonesque how very little Mongul factors in once he's gone. He might as well have been a whack-a-mole that they could have knocked down repeatedly over the course of their spat.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi82kmyXdKMZsDdTfVtYkfy-cQWPoxvoYBDhkP-rERh9ftsc6KeIRLuEVOThbJCm7dRzCgu0Vvd8XUsB7zmtQzW3Zbjzpo9WdZm-wgjy0r7CNF9vuucdC9n02ZK16BI5iQ3v3RAwvhckp8/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi82kmyXdKMZsDdTfVtYkfy-cQWPoxvoYBDhkP-rERh9ftsc6KeIRLuEVOThbJCm7dRzCgu0Vvd8XUsB7zmtQzW3Zbjzpo9WdZm-wgjy0r7CNF9vuucdC9n02ZK16BI5iQ3v3RAwvhckp8/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ugh. Action? Didn't anyone tell you this is a debate issue, Mongul?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
For the sake of brevity (I know, I know. I'm working on it), the key arguments against each character is as follows:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Wonder Woman has grown too hard-lined and alienating to the world.</li>
<li>Batman's paranoid mentality has made him even harder to work with than usual</li>
<li>Superman is too human and doesn't seem like the god-like optimistic beacon of hope he once was. </li>
</ul>
<div>
The arguments on all three sides are heated, albeit contrived, but they abruptly stop for no real reason. They just say "we're done here?" Thus, they peel off. Again, a forced ending to a forced argument. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The narration, mind you, is someone who has been watching this and everything else that happens as though he's watching in a room full of surveillance monitors and he's pretty disheartened that not only have the world's three greatest heroes found themselves in such a dark place at present but they've lost faith in each other.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This is the A Plot of the issue. Yup. The selling point of the for-real for-real launch of this major company-wide crossover is a passive aggressive peer review between the three biggest names in DC. All I can say is, shrug. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Of course, there is a cohesive B Plot in the story, which I will get to in due course, but there is also a few glimpses we get of the rest of the DC universe that I want to cover first. Many of these things touch of the many ongoing plot threads as well as the results of the mini series that all feed into this narrative. </div>
<div>
</div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu6yn1H-bCB8i_UwwhQ1GKLuAWZ4dtsXnwkZiluSgWLYMrQ-P1H4xYuJKMSwoUI_qlOch-DTDtmeCiycWny5VJqAMGwSIDq5JPQIUJNFvjEGqRTawe2vjD-k_jeT-qlr3HKXaKGNrC_Uo/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu6yn1H-bCB8i_UwwhQ1GKLuAWZ4dtsXnwkZiluSgWLYMrQ-P1H4xYuJKMSwoUI_qlOch-DTDtmeCiycWny5VJqAMGwSIDq5JPQIUJNFvjEGqRTawe2vjD-k_jeT-qlr3HKXaKGNrC_Uo/s400/03.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My boyfriend has a lot of emotional investment in seeing <br />Conner's arms and this issue let him down so hard...</td></tr>
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Conner Kent seems to be in semi-retirement at the Kent Farm, watching footage of the Teen Titans fighting an army of Lord's O.M.A.C.s and is almost tempted to fly off when he has a crisis of confidence and buttons his shirt back up. My guess is that the events of the Titans/Young Justice crossover, <i>Graduation</i> <i>Day</i> immediately preceded this. I haven't read it, but if memory serves, both teams lost a few members and ended up disbanding. I think the two teams to be to be folded in together and relaunched later, but for now Superboy is feeling to shell shocked and burnt out to throw himself back into the mix. His Aunt Martha (I find it very cute that he calls her that) is supportive of him and tells him, "the world needs a Superboy. And right now you're all they've got." </div>
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Hmm... that doesn't seem like something to keep tabs on, does it? </div>
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Elsewhere Supergirl and Nightwing meet up with the Titans. Mainly this scene serves to set them up on their respective courses. Supergirl and the Titans are off to recruit as many as possible to help save the universe (and remind the audience that Donna Troy has been newly revived) and Nightwing is off to do some street-level heroing. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTXmLh_gmu-IGovIeJKzhY3VxS0RlpZcRuYlrn2MvEeXBEp2FcrXJGc85P34ww8x8vTdXxniwDN8Gb4ecDB7hwi1Tb7bT36iVEt9SeVuFfg11yHzDAbAOoQF665vmRZY5XP8Nu0DKrTI/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLTXmLh_gmu-IGovIeJKzhY3VxS0RlpZcRuYlrn2MvEeXBEp2FcrXJGc85P34ww8x8vTdXxniwDN8Gb4ecDB7hwi1Tb7bT36iVEt9SeVuFfg11yHzDAbAOoQF665vmRZY5XP8Nu0DKrTI/s320/04.JPG" width="271" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do you mind, narrator? They're having a moment, here.</td></tr>
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Again, that narrator sounds incredibly judgmental about Dick and Kory's on-again, off-again relationship. Who is this asshole just observing everyone from the shadows à la Dr. Claw and making incredibly judgmental about people's interpersonal relationships? What a dick. </div>
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Also, lest we forget that we're moving on, the Titans are off the save the freaking <i>universe</i>. And yet this is only a sub-plot here. It pales in comparison to the thrilling story of Supes, Bats, and WW airing out their dirty laundry, right?</div>
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As Nightwing swings across the city, we catch a glimpse of a homeless man apparently being forcibly transformed into an O.M.A.C. then join a throng of others who are swarming in the skies above. This version of O.M.A.C. certainly does seem to be derivative of the Prime Sentinels from Marvel's "Operation: Zero Tolerance" storyline...</div>
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Elsewhere, the Green Lanterns are struggling to stop the fighting of the Rann/Thanagar conflict, but it's a struggle. It seems like the Guardians aren't as effective as they ought to be, according to the characters. I personally think the Guardians' leadership is about as useful as the Time Lords, the Watcher's Council, or the attendees at any town hall meeting on <i>Parks and Recreation</i>. Apparently, their home planet of Oa is no longer the center of the universe and that is effecting their ability to effectively aid in the crisis. I guess it's effecting their connection to the power source of the green aspect of the emotional spectrum. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUo7jrSLrqQCeEChUjoj3RNWvXa0a7WntxdM7612OXwJuONXh6apMhKBZnEGf3R8k7sjmActFyMyl0zGmv_N-OasL35UBbsviMx6_ygJVkyNX07we7xO3yycs1c4MtNoGzLttyCJGbZE/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGUo7jrSLrqQCeEChUjoj3RNWvXa0a7WntxdM7612OXwJuONXh6apMhKBZnEGf3R8k7sjmActFyMyl0zGmv_N-OasL35UBbsviMx6_ygJVkyNX07we7xO3yycs1c4MtNoGzLttyCJGbZE/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nothing to see here, folks, we'll get you back to that<br />riveting pissing contest in a moment. </td></tr>
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Over in Gotham, the Riddler's latest showdown with the police gets upstaged by the Spectre, who has killed the wizard Shazam. The Wizard Shazam is one of the mightiest sources of magic in DC and the Guardian of the Rock of Eternity. He's a fundamental being in the DCU. Killing him is about on par with destroying gravity. Yeah, that's sounds like it has to be a fairly huge deal. And yet we only get a glimpse of that. Because Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman's rendition of the blame game is the <i>real</i> reason you shelled out the money for this issue, amirite?</div>
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Finally, we arrive upon the B Plot: the Freedom Fighters. In case you don't remember who these guys are, they are a team of heroes from a different reality who were folded into the main continuity at the end of <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>. And they are led by Uncle Sam. Yes, the symbolic embodiment of the United States is a DC character. And he's one of the rare DC characters with ridiculous origins who doesn't have a newer, darker, edgier redesign in this era. He still pretty much looks like he hopped right off a military recruitment poster. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjynck-BVbRts0zSrYLwx1wHSXwD8IsXWMNZ5fHmv0cC4WADAdWtpGV58opEbBGiR5xYBLZ8Lai28y7zhNNJSOZV8SbP-OHxEUJDfyT0IwtBQDC3BaKHeJDNa1ANtaQvF387fTFy4mjYLc/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjynck-BVbRts0zSrYLwx1wHSXwD8IsXWMNZ5fHmv0cC4WADAdWtpGV58opEbBGiR5xYBLZ8Lai28y7zhNNJSOZV8SbP-OHxEUJDfyT0IwtBQDC3BaKHeJDNa1ANtaQvF387fTFy4mjYLc/s400/06.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A whole bunch of heavy hitters... and Dr. Light. I just don't get it.</td></tr>
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Don't get attached to these guys because they are super doomed. Apparently, Uncle Sam got a hot tip about criminal activity going on in this dark and clearly secluded, closed in place that screams "TRAP!" Surprisingly to them, it turns out to be a trap and they are besieged by Lex Luthor's Secret Society of Super Villains. And the kid gloves are off. This entire issue keeps hammering in the fact that the modern world of superheroes is darker, more violent, and unpleasant and this fight does more to illustrate that than the pages upon pages of the Big Three constantly telling each other how they've lost their way. We see some pretty graphic deaths. Human Bomb literally gets pummeled to death by Bizarro. Phantom Lady gets completely run through by Deathstroke the Terminator (I don't know if "Sorry, darlin', just business," makes it better or worse). </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcBtTSUysyTZj4xC_rZgHwOKVrkioY5Kj2q-w8QAD-_xY2cE5gIQBL5QOfqkfvq0XrPeEfAVmKZnGp_4Bhtw-o6fMV5x110AIZv8_cx6BTtaoyPH0oCgagcbWwiuEr1EsbSqc0RvZ8R74/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcBtTSUysyTZj4xC_rZgHwOKVrkioY5Kj2q-w8QAD-_xY2cE5gIQBL5QOfqkfvq0XrPeEfAVmKZnGp_4Bhtw-o6fMV5x110AIZv8_cx6BTtaoyPH0oCgagcbWwiuEr1EsbSqc0RvZ8R74/s320/08.JPG" width="249" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Giving his faceplate a smile only makes him<br />creepier.</td></tr>
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The only two who aren't decisively killed by the end of this issue are Uncle Sam, whom we last see getting blasted by Sinestro, but not definitively killed, and Ray, who is psionically subdued by the worst piece of trash villain from the last DC Crisis I read, Psycho-Pirate. You'll remember him as the one villain in all of the multiverse who sided <i>with</i> the primordial villain who threatened to wipe out every single dimension in existence. He's an opportunist, sadistic, and a pathological narcissist, so while I'm displeased at the sight of him, maybe I'll have fun watching the shit beat out of him. </div>
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*Correction: Uncle Sam is confirmed dead during the end of the triumvirate's squabble. Because that's where it will get the attention it deserves. </div>
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I didn't even notice it on my first read-through. That's how poorly placed it is. It's only because reading on Comixology in the guided panel-to-panel format that I saw it. Now that I have, however, all I can say is, really guys? That's laying the symbolism on a little too thick, isn't it? Just as communication finally breaks down completely between the trinity, it is then that it is revealed that the living embodiment of freedom is dead. Oh, you guys are are just so clever. You wove that in like a quilt. Pat yourselves on the back. Then ram your heads into a wall. What? Did you all learn subtlety from the films of John Waters?<br />
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<div>
Speaking of <i>Crisis On Infinite Earths, </i>perhaps you were wondering who is his who have been omnisciently narrating the proceedings. Well, it turns out he is one of four observers and the consensus in the private extra-dimensional screening room is that the DCU has turned into a shit show and the only recourse is for some audience participation. To that end, the narrator begins punching the view screen. Ah, I can recall being but a wee bairn and not quite understanding that the cartoons I watched were only projections on a screen and wondering how I could get past the glass to join them. Fortunately, I never tried smashing my way through. I'm sure my mom is happy that I never needed stitches for that reason, at least. </div>
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This character is more successful than I would have been and by breaking through the weird wall of view screens, he has burst through a dimensional barrier, bringing him and his cohorts into the main DC Universe and at last we see who our observers are, good old Kal-L, the elderly Superman of Earth-2, his wife Lois Lane, Alexander Luthor, the son of Earth-3's heroic Lex Luthor, and the Superboy of Earth-Prime. That's the Earth WE THE READERS live in, mind you. Yup. Shit's gonna get weird. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpfbnm81cldrdQ8cELOleIPzADcS_U1jaYIy9VOdHbvcmP4XEQZPQSc98Ck7gkeOXohfls-n8kOh6aXcF9dCnArkSbuv_juaozzJrE4zDUpl3cHlxV69s6eXuMT8GTJbDWlltnBiiiRw0/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpfbnm81cldrdQ8cELOleIPzADcS_U1jaYIy9VOdHbvcmP4XEQZPQSc98Ck7gkeOXohfls-n8kOh6aXcF9dCnArkSbuv_juaozzJrE4zDUpl3cHlxV69s6eXuMT8GTJbDWlltnBiiiRw0/s400/10.JPG" width="277" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup. Everything is going to pot and our supposed rescuer <br />just broke reality. That's a good sign</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If you'll recall, for reasons that I cannot remember right now, these four were stranded outside reality in an effort to stop the Anti-Monitor once and for all from destroying the newly squished together New Earth at the ending of <i>Crisis On Infinite Earths</i>. Alexander Luthor used the remnants of his tapped out anti-matter powers to create a pocket dimension (and also managed to spare Lois-2 from being wiped out of existence) so that the four of them could have a happy ending together. </div>
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Of course, nobody said anything about them being forced to sit in a dark room and seemingly do nothing but watch life unfold in the main reality in their happy ending. And not only did they have to watch what was happening, they had to watch the 90s. Think of all the horrors they witnessed. The death of Superman. Bane breaking Batman's spine. So many bad battle armor redesigns... If you were Golden Age Superman, you'd think the 90s and 00s were the dystopian future you'd usually be called upon to save, too. </div>
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I feel like this book had a lot of material to kick off an event, but they didn't have said materials in the right proportion. The story is overwhelmingly dominated by the defining rift that has formed between Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, but instead of dynamically dramatizing it, they basically just stand around talking and thus failing one of the crucial tenants of dramatic story-telling: show, don't tell. The book keeps weaving some interesting threads into the fabric of the story, but instead of following through with what could have been exciting, we keep defaulting back to the Bickersons on the Moon. Even the B-plot of this story would have generated more interest if we had seen more of it, as it isn't presented to the reader until fairly close to the end. What I'm seeing here, illustrated both in the two main plots of the issue as well as the sub-plots we touch upon, is that this event seems to be more or less the result of a lot of smaller events that happen to be happening at the same time, as opposed to in <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i> where there was one all-consuming plot that drove the over-arching narrative and whose subplots were either a by-product or a reaction to the driving narrative. This isn't horrible, but it also isn't very promising for the trajectory of the story-telling. </div>
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-7721049712858956762016-12-14T17:29:00.004-08:002016-12-14T18:24:01.653-08:00The Passion of the BeetleI admittedly haven't been active on the blog lately. To be fair, I think most of us have been in either in a state of shock/rage/disbelief for the past month or so. It makes the notion of sitting down to write a comics blog feel about on par with the string quartet playing while the <i>Titanic</i> was sinking, but at least there is something therapeutic in routine. Not that I ever think I'm going to feel like the results of the 2016 US presidential election should be normalized, but I finally found a way to channel that into my work. And that involved remembering why I started this blog to begin with.<br />
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Much like seemingly everything we know about how the Trump administration is going to run, DC's Continuity is a fucked up brier patch of confusion. If you aren't already drinking the Kool-Aid, jumping into a DC event is like jumping out of an airplane headfirst only to find out that not only was it parked, but you just slammed your head into concrete. All that's left is headaches, frustration, and the fleeting hope that this might turn out to be an object lesson about life choices.<br />
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With that in mind, we turn to DC Comics' 2005 event series, <i>Infinite Crisis</i>. Yes, I know. Another major DC event in which those two words are key components. Buckle up, kiddos. DC likes it's Crises and both DC and Marvel are gaga over the word "infinite" and/or "infinity." I guess the rule of cool is in full effect when you need to fabricate a global/cosmic/multiversal narrative that brings everyone no matter how far-flung they are into the narrative. Hell, <i>Infinite Crisis</i> even got its own sequel a couple years back with <i>Infinite Crisis: Fight For the Multiverse. </i>As much as I give Marvel side-eye for being lazy enough to put reuse event titles and *at most* slap a number on the title to differentiate, at least they didn't give them sub-headings that sound like they'd be suitable for a multi-player beat-em-up game. Actually, I think I'd play that game.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigrxFaMZmaqocyOY62F_ZqoLEZGfY2vsfPWZCqUPSglsgGvuYyau7W9y_NrwiwtpX3KWBKahEegNjld-AePsn42tfen1d2AJQNWTco5j-Yjj0o4ALNAcfhaV0P7ZkdsUYf5GeOii9wnR4/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigrxFaMZmaqocyOY62F_ZqoLEZGfY2vsfPWZCqUPSglsgGvuYyau7W9y_NrwiwtpX3KWBKahEegNjld-AePsn42tfen1d2AJQNWTco5j-Yjj0o4ALNAcfhaV0P7ZkdsUYf5GeOii9wnR4/s400/00.JPG" width="260" /></a>Of course, the Big Two's approach to events in the mid-00s was a lot different than it was in the mid-80s. Not only have maxi series like <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths </i>gone from being a novelty to being an anual/semi-annual standard, but there are also now additional accoutrements involved. Of course, you still have the on-going series that have to tie in to the greater narrative, but now events tend to trigger mini series, and one-shot stories to bolster the main narrative. Which brings us to today's subject: <i>Countdown to Infinite Crisis.</i> This is not to be confused with <i>Countdown to Final Crisis, </i>which is 51-issues long, and weekly and I won't be touching that unless I find myself with a lot of free time and possibly a paid gig.<br />
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No, instead <i>Countdown to Infinite Crisis</i> is a one-shot, albeit mammoth-size, story that hopes to catch the reader up with anyone who hasn't been reading the ongoings up until now. Of course, it's confusing when the introductory issue for your story is not actually part of the main narrative and isn't even part of the same series. When you are on a website like Comixology or diving through back issue boxes, this issue is a separate listing. Unless you were picking these issues out when they were first hitting the stands or if it is incorporated into the collected edition, the casual reader is still going into the main series blind.<br />
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I was originally going to pin it as a cheat, since the actual first issue of the actual story was not actually part of the series (books that start with a "zero" issue also teeter on this precipice), but the more I think about it, this is a series failure.<br />
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When beginning a narrative, there are two crucial moments: Point of Attack and Inciting Incident. The Point of Attack is the moment the writer chooses to start the story. The Inciting Incident is the event or decision that causes the problem of the story. Depending on the writer's preference and the needs of the story, they can be simultaneous. The inciting incident can predate the start of a narrative, by hours, days, even years. The Inciting Incident can even happen after the Point of Attack, which is how you often see it diagrammed in your average high school English class text book. These are all acceptable options in storytelling.<br />
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What isn't an acceptable option? Writing a Point of Attack, but not making it part of the same narrative. Imagine seeing a version of <i>Hamlet</i> that started *after* the prince met with the ghost of his father was not only cut from the production, but also staged as an independent production, even though it isn't a complete narrative unto itself. Then again, we do live in a world where film studios thought <i>The Hobbit</i> had enough meat to it to warrant three separate films, so maybe I'm a minority voice in a chorus full of stupid.<br />
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And even though I've opted to include this as part of the latest stretch of blogging sessions, I'm going to afterwards try my hardest to act as though I've never laid eyes on this. In fact, considering this is nearly triple the size of an average comic, I'm going to breeze through it as quickly as possible. I might just be pointing out stupid shit more than actual important things because I'm going to play the fool and think "why wouldn't they cover this information again in the actual story?!"<br />
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We start off, 20 minutes ago according to the captions, with the Blue Beetle, Ted Kord, is sneaking into a building via the air duct system. His narration tells us that fellow leaguers like Batman and Captain Atomgenerally feel that his heart is in the right place, but his brain is not. Translated: he's probably going to get himself in trouble.<br />
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This place he's sneaking around in has one of your traditional supervillain headquarters standards that I honestly cannot get behind: the giant computer monitor. If this were meant for mass viewing, such as training henchmen in classes (note to self: research henchmen new hire workplace training videos). But no. This looks like it's just the giant-sized monitor for someone's personal desktop. And judging by the desktop wallpaper, this is clearly a shadowy organization of some kind. Based on the icons on the bottom of the screen, it's keeping tabs on all the *other* sketchy organizations floating around the DCU. I guess that includes the Justice League because the first file BB seems to open is Batman's dossier.<br />
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Of course, I'm always a bit shaky on how many other Leaguers are privy to whose civilian identities in a given era, so I'm not entirely certain if he's simply shocked that the Knight Chesspiece Society (Knightswatch?) has intel on the secret identities of the Justice League or is he even more shocked to discover that one of the greatest superheroes in the world, JL co-founder, and one of the default JL leaders is actually the renowned womanizing, slacker trustfund baby (or "billionaire playboy," as is the popular idiom). Imagine finding out that one of the Kardashian sisters was a high-ranking Navy Seal. And not Khloe or the mom-- one of the younger ones you pretend to remember the names of. Yeah, you'd be shocked, too.<br />
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The next scene suggests that the writer doesn't grasp the concept of a "countdown" because we go from "20 minutes ago" to "four days ago." Ugh. That's not how time works, guys! Whatever.<br />
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Kord is meeting up with Barbara Gordon on her jet (I'm assuming Bruce owns any number of parent companies or just fake businesses that fund her or perhaps the Birds of Prey are heroes for hire) because Babs is one of the few people who will hear him out. Plus she's someone he's into despite her lack of interest. Yeah, Teddy boy is a virtuoso of the world's smallest violin and a bit of a creeper "niceguy." How long is this issue again? Ugh.<br />
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I don't know if it's relevant yet, but as he enters the plane, Barbara skyping with her fellow Bird of Prey, Black Canary, who suspects that their line is tapped. I'm bookmarking that in case it's important or just establishing Black Canary.<br />
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Oracle concludes that somehow Wayne Enterprises has siphoned off nearly all of Ted's company funds and dispersed it across several businesses, meanwhile OMAC is running around using his credit card. So yeah, apparently one of the best scientific minds of the DCU needed to turn to a technopathic hacker to figure out he's an identity theft victim. I'm starting to understand why everyone else crosses the street when they see Kord coming. He's probably that guy who would fall for the "IRS" phone scammers.<br />
<br />
It turns out OMAC is just a cover for Kord's BFF, Booster Gold. He's from 500 years in the future and doesn't have an SNN and thus can't get a bank card, so I guess letting BG have a spare debit card was his way of doing him a solid. However, after decades of stories in which characters would relocated from different time periods or different realities, I'm sure the superhero community has a workaround for this sort of problem by now. Hell, even if they don't, Kord has his own company. He could have made a few phone calls and had someone cook the books to set his buddy up with a new identity, then set him up with an entry-level job within the company so he can actually provide for himself. I honestly feel bad for Booster Gold for having such a shitty friend who is either so stupid or so egotistical that he'd rather give his bestie handouts than a job.<br />
<br />
After waxing nostalgic to the tune of the world's tiniest violin reprise about how during their JL tenure, they were rookies among giants and felt like they could never measure up (ye gods, do I not care), Blue Beetle meets up with <strike>Moocher</strike> Booster Gold. Booster. After the two have some totally heterosexual manfeels, Kord admits to his own financial problems, Booster suggests he seeks out the expert on money laundering and corporate takeover, Max Lord.<br />
<br />
Max Lord (a version of him is on CW's <i>Supergirl</i> has so little impact in his scene that at first it struck me as baffling that they chose to include it. He gives some phoned in sympathy and brush-off lines like "I'll look into it," but the line that ends up sticking with Ted is "Your best days in tights are behind you. You need to stop looking backwards and start looking forwards."<br />
<br />
I find it odd that the word choice was "in tights." Aside from the fact that "tights" is probably a pretty basic cut among the superhero community, there are plenty of bright opportunities, these gentlemen can have in tights. They are both trained combatants with accomplished athletic abilities. They could go on to have successful careers in gymnastics, ballet, or even American Gladiators.<br />
<br />
Having arrived at a dead end with Max, Booster says he needs to go take care of his own business. What would that be? An audition for a commercial he needs to interview for. Yeah, that's what he's maxing out Kord's credit card for-- airfare for the audition. You'd imagine he would prioritized helping out a bit more, considering he's effectively a dependent, but no. In this story, Booster Gold is basically that guy who has been crashing on your couch for two months and his idea of helping out around the house is limited to making sure there is a clear path from the sofa to the bathroom, the fridge, and the area immediately around the entertainment system.<br />
<br />
By now, you'll notice that the book has a bit of a pattern in its storytelling. That initial scene inside the secret organization's super computer provides the basic framework, with Blue Beetle pulling up their intel and footage of a given character and then transitioning to a flashback in which during various parts of Blue Beetle's investigation, he turns to each of them for assistance or at the very least moral support only to be met with some variation of "sorry, bro, not my problem." The book tends to divide itself into chapters with each character he visits being one of the dossiers on the computer. Chapter 1 is actually a bit of an outlier from this formula because we end with Batman.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJAKN-6aC4sxX6vkBWdIBg1T_iyqjjRU_xoOD3IsQFYhbMOEurAHrEDT03NXNPbcMSPghzizr_hkaWxF7asGHNqVXgy0eWz9Z_jThkXtnI-Nn-1OEZwi9qu_0TmKiI-f9tPg879vGKKv8/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJAKN-6aC4sxX6vkBWdIBg1T_iyqjjRU_xoOD3IsQFYhbMOEurAHrEDT03NXNPbcMSPghzizr_hkaWxF7asGHNqVXgy0eWz9Z_jThkXtnI-Nn-1OEZwi9qu_0TmKiI-f9tPg879vGKKv8/s320/02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Batman: DC's loner who is on every team. <br />
Master of no social skills</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Batman's scene does a fairly good job at helping to illustrate what's been going on in the greater DC universe as well as within Batman's solo series without taking the focus off Blue Beetle. The scene starts with a Gotham Gazette headline about what was then a new player in town by the name of the Red Hood. Ted's tendency to yammer on in the course of his one man pity party not only grates on the measured and taciturn Batman, but it also triggers him at the mention of Dr. Light. No, not the awesome MVP from the original <i>Crisis, </i>we're back to the first guy because #THISISWHYWECANTHAVENICETHINGS.<br />
<br />
Based only from what I remember from a youtube video from Zeus only knows when, Batman is salty because the JL's Zatana erased Light's memories and when Batman objected, she wiped his memory of the incident, too. Of course, with Batman's default mode being both paranoid and right to be paranoid, he figured out what they did pretty damn quick and so now Batman is on strained terms with the League. Oh and he's actively spying on them now. Sounds about right.<br />
<br />
Chapter 2 focuses on Superman, but it also folds Hal Jordan into it. Somehow, despite having a nearly 70-page run, there wasn't room for him to have his own focus. It's odd how the icons on the computer set it up. It includes the Justice League's Big Seven (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash, Martian Manhunter, and Aquaman), plus Shazam/Captain Marvel. In-universe these are all characters that are legends even among the superhero community. You'd think each of them was set up for their own focal section.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB0RzUuvMtCRBLi7zl5cWUecTRGZHUHtBvKtO6aydQrz6cwHLgGYVeVpniKUaTisYrGCFFlBB9jA2SDIPAPAW9dihtdvwdFjRTjzqg26e3yMq8x4zvBLR0K9G7Lf_a0kSjwqV7OLHm5hk/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB0RzUuvMtCRBLi7zl5cWUecTRGZHUHtBvKtO6aydQrz6cwHLgGYVeVpniKUaTisYrGCFFlBB9jA2SDIPAPAW9dihtdvwdFjRTjzqg26e3yMq8x4zvBLR0K9G7Lf_a0kSjwqV7OLHm5hk/s320/03.JPG" width="316" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Low angles: emphasize the package size <br />
in order to show dominance</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But no. Green Lantern is folded into Superman's focus and he more or less functions like the messenger in a Greek tragedy would. He bids our protagonist greetings, gives him Guy Gardner's regards (I'm assuming this was thrown in because editorial insisted they use Hal even though Guy actually would have had a connection with Blue Beetle) and when Superman arrives on the scene, he relays some bad news. That is the limit of Green Lantern's appearance in this story. What he actually reports is of interest, though-- 100 lb of kryptonite has been stolen from Kord's last remaining warehouse (again, that pesky violin). I wonder if it's the same supply that Red Hood stole from Black Mask over in the "Under The Red Hood" arc?<br />
<br />
As for Blue Beetle's interaction with Superman, well, it seems that despite being a superhero for ages at this point and having been on presumably a few lineups with him at this point (most notably around the Death of Superman), you'd think he'd be able to keep his shit together around him, treat Superman as he would any other peer. Instead, he fangirls out a bit, somewhere between being star-struck and intimidated. Granted, Superman is a big deal in-universe, but so are just about all the other heroes he interacts with in this book.<br />
<br />
It's an interesting character beat, but this sense insecurity around Superman doesn't add to the narrative at all. The thrust of the scene is Blue Beetle being unable to confide in Superman despite himself when Hal's report more effectively pulls Clark's focus and provides him with a reason to fly <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlF5rHgClUrx-oGMty2NdSYass9o7fYrtn-JXs5Zk2TqLk3Qc4sDRf0IOvq5Tz88bSMENKiIW3QCMt8ov3DZ2sxrNO6_f8yuk2ax0qV1kjMHiE_D6_MaKJzNbQyj-vvjYpLM4YI8UQ0pk/s1600/04+joker+groupies.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlF5rHgClUrx-oGMty2NdSYass9o7fYrtn-JXs5Zk2TqLk3Qc4sDRf0IOvq5Tz88bSMENKiIW3QCMt8ov3DZ2sxrNO6_f8yuk2ax0qV1kjMHiE_D6_MaKJzNbQyj-vvjYpLM4YI8UQ0pk/s320/04+joker+groupies.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fun Fact: Joker has groupies other than Harley.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
off before Kord can say much.<br />
<br />
After this latest round of fail, Blue Beetle is set upon by a group of hired goons called the Madmen, who look like they were designed to look like muscular Joker henchmen. He is rescued by Booster Gold, who has inexplicably ditched his all-important audition and donned the uniform he swore he could never wear again.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WGIeck1XSK4N1uFmtsRINuQW6oXDCyK5iB76MOh6RdjzlwD5vs1nGzR9ukSRgllXixNuZBSTgJin3qZqSiGVhB9F8bI4vmpyv75hSPEbJr8nrQtvzRclgyU-_REwSnnRmAUXd0kmFlE/s1600/blackadam.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WGIeck1XSK4N1uFmtsRINuQW6oXDCyK5iB76MOh6RdjzlwD5vs1nGzR9ukSRgllXixNuZBSTgJin3qZqSiGVhB9F8bI4vmpyv75hSPEbJr8nrQtvzRclgyU-_REwSnnRmAUXd0kmFlE/s320/blackadam.JPG" width="234" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Subtext: you're all fucking sheep!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Chapter 2 ends with one of the most delightful scenes in the book which doesn't tie into the narrative at all, but I'm hoping it plays a big part in the main series. It involves the Injustice Society, Dr. Light wanting retribution for having his memory erased, and Black Adam basically being the Namor of DC comics.<br />
<br />
On a related note, chapter 3 starts with Beetle looking into Captain Marvel's background before flashing back to Kord's house. While he is at his computer trying to suss out who is siphoning off his fortune, he and Booster Gold are wondering if Ted could possibly weaponize the mystic beetle scarab that he had inherited from the original Blue Beetle... and a science hero weaponizing magic is a fun story idea. Booster, being a man from the future who thinks the internet is about on par with legos, tells Kord to step aside and let him have a shot at the computer and KA-BOOM. Yeah, The computer explodes. That happens. And it totals the house in the process. I know this is happening in a world where Kryptonians, Amazons, homo magi are running around, but that there is what threatens the delicate suspension of disbelief of this story.<br />
<br />
Kord gets his buddy and his scarab out in the burning wreck and rather than seeing if Booster gets to the hospital safely, considering the universe has it out for them lately, he instead decides to seek out Captain Marvel. Unfortunately, Billy Batson is busy being a first tier character, so in lieu of him, Kord is met with the cryptic advice of an all-wise wizard who thinks that a 12-year-old is emotionally mature enough to handle being the living embodiment of seven divine beings. The Wizard Shazam really doesn't have the patience for Kord's whining, so he casts Teleport, sending him away but leaving his scarab in the cave.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh05GI8EgcQrSWO163qrmNSmXm9WecpHtMN1iBYTEYqEJAzmYLnoszHGKbC7JcajUWCSRMXNdLcRxTcB0M8l45FuVqZGjqkJSWL5KurcMBjLrEpTgYwTV3cunOcVb-jOf9sjSEyiBAtgyg/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh05GI8EgcQrSWO163qrmNSmXm9WecpHtMN1iBYTEYqEJAzmYLnoszHGKbC7JcajUWCSRMXNdLcRxTcB0M8l45FuVqZGjqkJSWL5KurcMBjLrEpTgYwTV3cunOcVb-jOf9sjSEyiBAtgyg/s320/05.JPG" width="168" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Princess Leia Syndrome: crushing on the<br />
girl who treats you like a little brother</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Chapter Three: Wonder Woman/Martian Manhunter. We flash back to a a mission earlier in the day. <br />
And KA-BOOM. Yeah, this time it's Kord airship, Bug, that explodes. I'm starting to think he must have cheated death at some point before this and now we are in a comic book adaptation of Final Destination.<br />
<br />
Kord wakes up in the infirmary of the JL's moonbase, the Watchtower. Wonder Woman has been looking after him. Again, there is little meat to her scene. She's more supportive than Batman or Superman were, but that's all that can be said about it. Her scene also commits a heinous sin of storytelling by having Ted Kord recap a lot of what has happened so far. Granted, this sucker is 70 pages long, but come on, give the reader some credit.<br />
<br />
And once again, she finds a reason to leave without really helping. Though, this is probably the least motivated exit thus far. Despite him being at an incredible low point and their station having access to an instantaneous teleportation system, she has to go to the embassy now. Okay. I am starting to suspect everyone enters an interaction with Blue Beetle with an exit strategy. We all have that friend we dread getting stuck talking to and for the *entire* DC superhero community, it seems to be Ted Kord. He has to be Lt. Reginald Barclay of DC Comics.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmWn2jlTN5odRJ-z2wVp6cDKSD893Eb1RGYV50pZl7O_sLvbSfyc10RwxfGtSZ5D0Bb9B8LgxkymTPFlXj8U-l-ZGXApLwic5ca-UYAyBWkkZdfJ-wRnTblVNxI4mYem2Ks8tSZr6lg8/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmWn2jlTN5odRJ-z2wVp6cDKSD893Eb1RGYV50pZl7O_sLvbSfyc10RwxfGtSZ5D0Bb9B8LgxkymTPFlXj8U-l-ZGXApLwic5ca-UYAyBWkkZdfJ-wRnTblVNxI4mYem2Ks8tSZr6lg8/s1600/06.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course you weren't included in the psychic APB-- you're in the room with him!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Kord makes his way from the infirmary to the main operations room of the base, where Martian Manhunter is on monitor duty. Manhunter is also on the more supportive side, albeit more distantly and objectively. Still, he does listen to Kord's problem, which is more than Bats or Supes did. Kord almost manages to get him to pull in some extra help to investigate when Adam Strange, protector of the planet Rani (which I'm assuming reads as a white savior narrative, but in SPAAAAACE), calls in with a dire request for aid, as Rani is being invaded by Hawkman's people, the Thanagarians. Yeah, remember how I said this book is good at hinting at the breadth and scope of the DCU? Case in point. Well, so much for help from Martian Manhunter. He gets to recruit some a-listers and potential fan favorites to go play Star Wars.<br />
<br />
As he wallows alone in self-pity, he takes a closer look at the goggles of his uniform which had been scratched up in his fight with the Madmen only to discover that they had actually bugged him suing a piece of Booster Gold's robot buddy who was thought to have ditched him for a trip back to the 25th Century. He manages to track it back to a remote castle-- which brings us back to the supervillain lair with the giant computer screen.<br />
<br />
And the worst thing you can ever do is read someone's private files on you. I can attest, I once read an old audition form from college and whoever was casting definitely scribbled "is terrible" on it. Yeah, it can be a blow to the ego. But enough of my woes. Their file on him says "DECEASED." Yeah, that's quite a few degrees more troubling.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSl0IiVimgFVy6j8YJ6Kgh9CoL8PFtUwO-uV7A6xqh4kzdE2xE6j8M2t3d62GpLgwhNn2pVG9LbTaUkFeCQ9VJD6LaYoY6Ws4j-L3jmx1Ocs8m9V_CPcZcWuToa95HX_mO0WKMIdTnXlc/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSl0IiVimgFVy6j8YJ6Kgh9CoL8PFtUwO-uV7A6xqh4kzdE2xE6j8M2t3d62GpLgwhNn2pVG9LbTaUkFeCQ9VJD6LaYoY6Ws4j-L3jmx1Ocs8m9V_CPcZcWuToa95HX_mO0WKMIdTnXlc/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Celebrity death hoaxes are the worst</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's at this moment, when he turns around to discover the mastermind of all his woes, as well as a cadre of armed henchmen, has been in the room with him for a while. Why do these heroes never notice villains and their goons sneaking up on them? To be fair, his costume covers his ears.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggkjDDPgdsrdRtfuVkRY7wJyF6sBY6sdEOcaFNBVDCNf8Y0kUpWJ0GYM-LcUPhNnYcuPgzXDKP5sqfsYfYVFNPiuH3ywoNDpOsYx_OSBSFYBN_TK7HRYUzo-ErXwxeXYW9L8MLkZ62Lpg/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggkjDDPgdsrdRtfuVkRY7wJyF6sBY6sdEOcaFNBVDCNf8Y0kUpWJ0GYM-LcUPhNnYcuPgzXDKP5sqfsYfYVFNPiuH3ywoNDpOsYx_OSBSFYBN_TK7HRYUzo-ErXwxeXYW9L8MLkZ62Lpg/s320/08.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The best evil plans have evil chess-themed titles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Max Lord's plan is to take down all the meta humans on Earth. This is despite the fact that he himself is a meta human, albeit one with a very subtle talent to influence people. Also, based the dialogue, I get the impression that the writer isn't well versed in DC mythology, which lumps all super-powered beings into the category of meta-humans, which are more akin to DC's answer to Marvel's mutants than anything else.<br />
<br />
Lord actually wants to recruit Kord, since Kord has no superpowers, only his own natural physical and scientific acumen. You know how NOT to foster the sense of loyalty you'd want in a potential recuit? Ruining his business, by siphoning and dispersing his funds and stealing from his warehouses, blowing up his inventions, blowing up his home, blowing up his best friend... all of these are great ways to show people how bad a boss you'd be. <br />
<br />
Max Lord's Plan B, it turns out was if you can't beat 'em, shoot two bullets in his head.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-E5VcdyAgtLx8XSoWvI5o8iU5cbi_uJauXCeR1PLicbRjXFVer6tjIXLJItd4onK4-RBXMTQEXitLYjZvaLJLTAzXDA6NQLqILmF-kLNVII9_AuXVyvmeICcY2MsgkXTvORr4H-stYBE/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-E5VcdyAgtLx8XSoWvI5o8iU5cbi_uJauXCeR1PLicbRjXFVer6tjIXLJItd4onK4-RBXMTQEXitLYjZvaLJLTAzXDA6NQLqILmF-kLNVII9_AuXVyvmeICcY2MsgkXTvORr4H-stYBE/s1600/09.JPG" /></a></div>
<br />
So, yeah. That's how this issue ends.<br />
<br />
I don't know what to say about this issue. It had three talented writers on the project, Geoff Johns, Greg Rucka, and Judd Winick. And despite three writers, there is barely enough story here to justify a 30-page story, let alone one over twice that length. The book had two missions and it only sort of accomplished the one that justifies its existence, namely to line up the various story threads from the ongoing series that will coalesce to form the story elements of the event. Instead, they gloss them over a bit, but they seem like distractions from the story the book wants to tell: the Passion of Ted Kord.<br />
<br />
Yeah, I know that's the title of the entry, but it's not out of laziness that I'm hearkening back to it, but emphasis. This book is all about putting Blue Beetle through his paces, which is the role of a decent dramatist, but I think they break the character in order to enable the story they want to tell. The Ted Kord from the post-crisis Justice League titles is a lot more buoyant and confident than the one presented to the reader here.<br />
<br />
I almost feel like his entire journey in this story is meta-commentary on the comic book industry's tone problem as creators kept trying to work dark, grim, and gritty character traits into characters who were neither created with that intent nor allowed to organically evolve to it. DC honestly suffers this problem more than Marvel because they earnestly try to maintain the classic, iconic, wholesome images of their heroes, but at the same time when the sales numbers dip, they will go boldly in other directions even if it results in severe tonal whiplash. Hence, we are presented with a story in which a character whose MO is so patently Silver Age that in the face of the modern era of storytelling, he reads as pathetic and ineffectual and his only recourse is a suicide mission for the sake of maintaining his values. When read from that lens, this becomes not only a dark story, but also some wicked commentary on the nature of the comics industry in 2005.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-19412699101045412532016-11-05T22:55:00.004-07:002016-11-05T22:57:07.617-07:00So, it's come to this...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvlvqVsa6VKXwdIUyZNEot1Lw87FzWVYVtlASrkcVoYt2ar9sQuwt8MpIgsdtpXwYtiIT-ibWqP7DEm73n0ALZTzHhrTlKEgpioIKP0Bw83mw5-ifHCBWAXDRLGgltmVvVAS8ohcYpuYk/s1600/00.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvlvqVsa6VKXwdIUyZNEot1Lw87FzWVYVtlASrkcVoYt2ar9sQuwt8MpIgsdtpXwYtiIT-ibWqP7DEm73n0ALZTzHhrTlKEgpioIKP0Bw83mw5-ifHCBWAXDRLGgltmVvVAS8ohcYpuYk/s320/00.jpg" width="210" /></a>Disclaimer #1: For any of my readers who may be actively avoiding US politics this election season, let me give you a trigger warning. This entry is going to be addressing a politically driven satire that pokes fun at both major party candidates. If that is not your cup of tea, I advise you to give this read a pass.<br />
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Disclaimer #2: I'm an intractable bleeding heart liberal and I'm totally in the tank for Hillary and will probably be more prone to noticing the Trump jokes than the Clinton ones. If you don't want to sit through someone taking glee in and/or analyzing social commentary about your candidate of choice, you may want to sit this one out.<br />
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For those of you who are still reading this, let's all be honest: the election season has been a bit of a bear and both parties have ended up with candidates that are not without their detractors from within their respective parties as well as from their traditional opposition. But for every dark cloud, there is a silver lining: political satire. Yup, nothing takes the sting out of a particularly unpleasant election cycle quite like all of us gathering together as one to heal by taking the piss out of our entrenched political system. And for that, Marvel has given us this little boon that is <i>Vote Loki</i>.<br />
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One thing I love about this book is that it's pretty apparent early on that it's extra-canonical. It's certainly set in the world and basic status quo of the artist formerly known as Earth-616, but there really only a scant few wonky continuity things you need to know going into this book:<br />
1. This is not your father's Loki. In the past decade, Loki has been revived twice, once as a woman (although that didn't take), and a second time as a child (aka my favorite Loki). Kid Loki eventually magically aged up more or less to make him about the same age as Tom Hiddleston around the time of the first <i>Avengers </i>movie. These days, he straddles the fuzzy area between being an anti-hero and anti-villain, but I think you can sum him up best as being a character who uses villainous means with theoretically <strike>heroic</strike> altruistic intent.<br />
2. Thor is a woman now. Don't worry, the actual son of Odin and Freyja/Gaea is still roaming around somewhere, but the actual person now worthy to lift and wield the enchanted uru hammer Mjolnir (and all the powers that go with it, including the superhero persona) is Thor's original love interest, Jane Foster. And it's slowly killing her. She has cancer and every time she becomes Thor, it undoes the effects of her chemotherapy.<br />
3. Loki and Thor have a new half-sister from another company. In a dispute with Image Comics, Neil Gaiman was awarded the rights to winged warrior woman Angela and he allowed her to be brought into Marvel's pantheon of characters in a wacky timeline-wonky story. To better weave her into the universe (and don't ask me the fine details because I haven't gotten around to reading that story yet), it was revealed that Angela is their long-lost sister. She's basically a hyper-aggressive She-Ra wing wings.<br />
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Well, now that I've covered the basics, on with the story of <i>Vote Loki</i>. Years ago (no specific time is given because characters only age when editors and/or Franklin Richards wills it so), the Avengers donated a large sum of money to rebuild a neighborhood in NYC that had been utterly pulverized following one of their epic battles. If only scenes like this were featured prior to the events of <i>Civil War...</i> I'm sorry but I know it's considered a contemporary bench mark for Marvel, but on a basic conceptual level it's just not that good in terms of logistics and solid character-driven motivation on either side of the divide.<br />
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I can't help but notice the character lineup. Cap, Iron Man, Black Widow, Wasp, and... the Hulk? Okay, the Hulk's presence here means this would have to be either very early days or very recent. I could quibble about the details, but I'd rather just skip all that and arrive at the conclusion that this is not in-continuity and the MST3K mantra is in full effect: it's just a comic book, relax.<br />
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That money never got where it was supposed to because NY Governor Hitt funneled the donation from the Stark Foundation into his election campaign. Yeah, we are two panels into this book and we are not holding back when it comes to pointing out the deeply skeavy practices we've learned of in recent years in which charitable donations don't end up helping who they're supposed to.<br />
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One of the people effected by this morally bankrupt decision was a young Nisa Contreras who couldn't be more than <i>maybe</i> a high school freshman based on her appearance. From here we have a time skip. The book describes it as "a few years later," which in my mind means "not many." Of course, Marvel's timeline is weird, so a few years gave the tween enough time to get a journalism degree and establish herself as a reporter for the Daily Bugle. Of course, when your titular character is a millennia-old deity, what qualifies as "a few years" may be relative.<br />
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Nisa doesn't pull her punches and it's a great way of establishing her character as our deuteragonist as she uses her journalistic prowess to publicly take down Governor Hitt, exposing his wrong-doing from her youth. I'm not going to pretend that she didn't have vested interest in seeing him get his comeuppance, but she doesn't seem to gain satisfaction with it. The juxtaposition of the past and present scenes implies that she does have an inherent sense of bias, but it also frames her as a social justice crusader. As much as I think the internet has maligned that expression, I think it's fitting. After all, I think, particularly when speaking in terms of US politics, we are culturally hard-wired to associate truth and justice... and the American Way, whatever that implies.<br />
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Sometime later, Nisa is on the presidential election beat and she finds herself in the Spin Room, where she befriends a fellow named Lucas who finds the idea of the Spin Room amusingly subversive and I envy Lucas for remembering a time when a Spin Room was a bit of a distasteful novelty and not the sad truth of our endemic suffering. Yeah, I can hardly remember the Before Time, but for the past 3-4 months I've had to live in a world where Trump has nearly constantly been spewing offensively bigoted incendiary remarks unashamedly, only to have to hear his talking heads explain what he <i>really </i>meant by his latest characteristic racist/islamophobic/jingoistic/xenophobic/misogynistic/politically obtuse statement. I miss those halcyon days...<br />
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Our two leading candidates are never named in the series. Marvel has a history of not naming the presidents, at least when they factor into a story instead of being mentioned off-hand, Despite this, they do resemble their real-world counterparts, at least in broad strokes and without playing into their caricatured features. Keep in mind, this book was first announced in March and hit shelves in June, which means that even while we were still in the thick of the presidential primaries, the creative team had the clairvoyance to know that Clinton would end up clinching the democratic nomination and the Republican candidate would be an old white guy. While they are never named, the secret service refer to them as "Enterprise" and "Buffalo." When elected, I plan to address Hillary as President Enterprise and I advise you to do the same.<br />
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Nisa, being an observant journalist, spots someone with a concealed weapon in the audience and manages to alert the audience just as a small cadre of Hydra agents reveal themselves. Before they have time to enact their mission, Lucas reveals himself to be our titular character, Loki. He employs irony, besetting magical gold snakes on them. Their bite puts the Hydra agents into a coma.<br />
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Now, keep in mind, this happened in the spin room of a presidential debate. There are cameras and reporters everywhere, and with the candidates having been whisked away by secret service agents, the media all train their focus on Loki. This does seem a little odd because you'd think the safety and security of the presidential candidates would be a top priority. On the other hand, this title has a pretty flippant attitude about both candidates and aren't all that fond of the media either, so I guess it's easy to write it off as the media would rather focus on a shiny thing rather than cover the two major party candidates if they can help it. <br />
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It's pretty clear that he's toying with them and being fairly coy, but at the same time he's being refreshingly transparent about who and what he is. When asked who he's voting for, he says neither, since they're both liars. Then he declares that if he were president, he'd lie to them brazenly and they'd love him for it. I fail to see the difference is between what he's suggesting he would do and what the candidates do, but this is the basis on which buzz around his campaign is formed, so you just have to roll with it. Throughout the book, you'll see his appearances on media outlets be met with approval from <i>hoi poloi</i>, but you'll notice that the audience we see skews pretty young, and very urban. They're reactions sound more like they want to buck the system or praise a rockstar. This book has some opinions about millennials and/or hipsters.<br />
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Despite claiming to not be interested in running for president, he's doing a press junket, including an appearance on J. Jonah Jameson's talk show. Yeah, for future reference, it's actually been a while since he's been the EiC of the Daily Bugle. Between now and then, he's had a stint as the mayor of NYC. Now, however, he's been reduced to being a paper-thin Rush Limbaugh/Bill O'Reilly analogue. The studio has the stripes of the American flag in the background, giving it that extra jingoist touch. And like any conservative talking head, he turns out to be a birther.<br />
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Of course. The joke is on him however as when Loki reincarnated, he was born with a US birth certificate. I vaguely remember Thor finding the reincarnated Loki in Paris, France. It's been a while since the Fraction run, so I may be wrong. Even if I am wrong, Loki has been magically aged up. He <i>was</i> maybe 12 before, then was aged up to be about 18-21, and yet the minimum age for US candidacy is 35, so I guess the actual qualifications don't matter in this book. Even so, I wonder how he'd go about proving his birth certificate's authenticity.<br />
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Basic logic aside, it is worth it to see Jameson get caught on national television looking like a fool. Worth it.<br />
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This public humiliation is cut short however when the show gets a call-in from who else but intrepid reporter, Nisa Conteras. And she is clearly not on #TeamLoki. Remember that fight the Silver Age Avengers had in her old neighborhood? Well, it just so happens that they were battling against none other than our man, Loki. Gasp! Twist!! As we've learned about Nisa, her job as a reporter is to take down everyone who ruined her childhood. And not even death and rebirth is enough to wipe the slate clean for her. However, it's incredibly fitting considering one of our real world analogues has spent the past few decades ruining the financial futures of contractors and his own employees while getting away scot free.<br />
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Loki magicks himself into her apartment, which I have to imagine left Jameson scrambling to fill the time until the commercial break, He want to have a candid tête-à-tête with her, even while she pulls a gun on him. I suppose a single woman in NYC needs to be able to protect herself, but on the other hand making her a gun owner keeps her from being a read as an completely liberal anti-NRA strawman.<br />
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He admits to her that he is planning to run, and asks her to visit his campaign headquarters to write a story about it. Despite her better judgment, she goes.<br />
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This really has to be a whirlwind campaign because he already has a building full of pollsters making cold calls. The building is called the Ophidia research center. Ophidia is latin for snake or serphent, by the way. That's a nice touch, since most people wouldn't make the catch. It's a dumb mistake because I think the writer assumes that all religions and cultures have the same connotations. No, the god of lies is not the same as the father of lies. He's not the devil, therefore has no association with snakes. The only snake in Norse Mythology is the World Serpent, which surrounds the world, swallowing its own tail until the end of the world. Sidebar: In the Marvel Universe, the World Serpent is a guy and technically Odin's great uncle... because choices.<br />
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And of course, there are protesters outside who are crazed out of fear of what a Loki presidency would look like and inside, the pollsters are also crazy because that's what happens when an on-again, off-again villain runs for office. With all that insanity, it only makes sense that Loki hired some protection, so his sister Angela (see above, re: new continuity) has been employed to run security.<br />
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Oh, and did I mention Loki is a woman now? Don't think too much about it and don't get too invested in female Loki. Basically, Loki took this form for the day in an effort to throw whatever he can at the wall and see what sticks. They could have done more with this considering how much gender <i>has </i>played into this campaign, but this book is really avoiding getting bogged down with actual issues. Why talk about that when you can settle for ragging on the political process itself? That being said, female-presenting Loki actually does look presidential, as opposed to his default form, who looks like a scruffy rockstar. My boyfriend and I can't seem to agree on who, he does have a late 80's glam affect to his appearance. Steven Tyler? Keith Richards? Steve Tyler?<br />
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I don't think Nisa had any intention of coming away from this visitation with anything but an excoriating article, which she sends to her editor with a headline of "Loki Will Burn Washington." Mainly this is because of the ramblings of one crazed pollster. However, she ignores the fact that Loki has some sound ideas about bolstering the economy by providing large businesses who stay stateside with an incentive. Of course, why would she be balanced when she has an ax to grind? I think publicly declaring on national television that she has a beef with him should have automatically disqualified him from covering this story.<br />
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That becomes a moot point however the following morning when she wakes to her phone blowing up and discovers that her article has been altered, now reading the headline, "Loki's Campaign Something to Get Excited About." She's barely found out about this change when there is a knock on the door and suddenly she finds herself face to face with Thor the Goddess of Thunder. This lady must seriously be getting tired of Asgardians dropping in before she has a chance to put on something other than sleep clothes.<br />
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The next issue opens up with Loki's political ad and then running commentary from a couple of conservative news pundits. I'd say their interaction is a babbling waste, but I think that's the joke. More importantly, when I watch Loki's commercial, all I can think of is the best meme of all time.<br />
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I don't know where this fits in the timeline because this was aired maybe a day and a half after Loki announced his candidacy. When we cut back to Thor and Nisa, it's right where we left them.<br />
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Thor is not happy, thinking that Nisa is working <i>for </i>Loki<i>. </i>And being extra-canonical, Thor gets to speak like her old-school bombastic quasi-Shakespearean self and it's delightful. When Nisa points out that Loki only changed her headline and Thor actually reads the severely anti-Loki article, she delivers my favorite line of the issue: "Wow. Indeed thou dost indeed burn him."<br />
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Thor departs but not without dropping a clue for Nisa to follow, which leads her to returning to Loki's headquarters. Of course she goes while Loki is out at a rally, which only adds to his rock-star status. And everyone seems to be out of the office, as she finds abandoned... save for the cultists in Loki-robes sacrificing a goat. I don't find this as upsetting as the scary looking temple situation Loki has set up in the back of his campaign headquarters. It's an office building and that chamber has to be at least two, maybe three stories high. It makes no sense. And now my brain hurts.<br />
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Nisa makes sure that it makes it to the news and we get another visit with the talking heads, this time we have a riff on all the times politicians get caught in a scandal. In previous years, this sort of thing would be career-ending (not necessarily the fact that his constituents are non-Christian, but the fact that their ritual would probably get animal rights/welfare groups galvanized into action). But like certain politician who have been caught on tape bragging about being a sexual predator, Loki seems to be made of Teflon. He pulls the "I'm a god" card, which again, wouldn't fly in other elections and would probably be grounds for a psych eval, but here it becomes a triumphant mic drop for his supporters.<br />
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In issue #4, Nisa is going to greater lengths to expose Loki, this time investigating the Hydra agents who just <i>happened</i> to strike at a debate Loki just <i>happened </i>to be attending. They have all recently woken up from their comas and were being transferred to a medium security facility. Nisa intends to go to their new location to interview them, but the truck transporting them just <i>happens</i> to end up crashing in a fiery accident. So much for that idea.<br />
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But wait, why is Angela at the scene of the accident? Hm...<br />
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She knows that Loki was responsible for the Hydra attack and dispatched Angela to dispatch his catspaws. but before she can snap a picture on her phone, Angela is gone.<br />
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Back in the bizarre alternate reality known as news media outlets, a grown woman posing as a journalist (and wearing a large silly bow in her hair) is reporting on the deaths of the Hydra agents and rhetorically asks-- on national television-- who can blame them for trying to kill presidential nominees.<br />
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Okay, that does it. What the hell is up with this book?<br />
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I mean, seriously...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEkBkoN74fWTYYuEOM-XoCQjtp3Jizh08tIGOlyua8Ju23CijN4vojrUe_RpbdspU6ETvg-8GS9gVKIMB1cSVmynGvqK2mO40qFBdGpKU3iUz-Xs7Bhs8_GturYVlKDkRGn86TxwtqYjg/s1600/02.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEkBkoN74fWTYYuEOM-XoCQjtp3Jizh08tIGOlyua8Ju23CijN4vojrUe_RpbdspU6ETvg-8GS9gVKIMB1cSVmynGvqK2mO40qFBdGpKU3iUz-Xs7Bhs8_GturYVlKDkRGn86TxwtqYjg/s320/02.PNG" width="286" /></a>There are people laughing so I can't tell if this is supposed to be some sort of Daily Show parody or if this book really thinks that poorly of American TV journalism. Regardless, this lady then suggests that Loki "sends some prison buses" to the now Doom-free Latveria. She also says she misses having Doom there because at least the trains ran on time. Is this supposed to be funny or overt support of fascism? I am so lost...<br />
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The next thing you know, Loki is partaking in a debate at the Iowa State Fair (and pulling off "folksy" quite well), and charms the viewers even as he eats one of the most improbable snacks I have seen in a lifetime of eating things nobody in their right mind should attempt to eat (one day. I will replace that Yankee Candle, mom. I promise), and now I think my life won't be complete until I have a caramel apple onion ring cheeseburger cone. <br />
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His political rivals are going for the jugular because Latvaria has become the new buzz topic in the debate and Loki has spoken out both against "Buffalo" being too accommodating with them and Enterprise skyping with Doom's children. To be fair, Doom's kid Kristoff is an expatriate living in America last I checked, so he might actually be a viable social contact.<br />
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Loki explains that he will deal with Latvaria without risking a single American life. It is such a big shock that even Nisa puts her hunt for Loki's birth record on pause to hear his declaration as he declares the only right thing is to keep boots off the ground in Latvaria and that fighting will not resolve the problem. This is actually quite reassuring to everyone else.<br />
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Nisa on the other hand, had a different takeaway from that broadcast.<br />
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She immediately buys herself a flight to Latveria, which I assume is can only lead to good things. After all the only thing safer than a dictatorial state ruled over by a egomaniacal techno-wizard is </div>
a former dictatorial state that has been left utterly destabilized by the sudden removal of a long-standing oppressive regime.<br />
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She passes herself off as a member of one of the factions vying for control of Latveria. Elsewhere another faction is searching for one of Doom's special hidden weapons caches. A man leads them past the mystical security door and this guy is totally not Loki guys, I swear. No really, scout's oath. When the rebels come out armed, they are confronted with the armed forces of the current controlling regime and like a bunch of idiots, they use Doom's secret weapons without testing them first and the whole battle scene goes up in a puff of smoke. The man who couldn't possibly have been Loki turns into Loki and I can't help but read this like the end of a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Except that Nisa was in the right place at the right time to catch Loki expose himself on video.<br />
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This has already made the news before Nisa's plane lands in the states and the news outlets are dragging Loki across the coals. Of course, this book hates millennials and thinks they're stupid contrarians about everything and by the time Nisa arrives, the hipsters have become convinced that if the media hates Loki, he must be a real threat to their establishment and must therefore be the only candidate for them.<br />
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At this point, Nisa's about ready to give up.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCKihFsnVmzUgk9GZEPvzmTvjaW9fda5zUHuRObHIDOVTS93fWUR1H2Fr_18jjGQ2rqMMM082q3QaYgCMGDzgJX68Z4F_PjNZOL-lDTxJNaYf57p44vtgHscVbsJ5Psx26Bs23tsydO0/s1600/03.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKCKihFsnVmzUgk9GZEPvzmTvjaW9fda5zUHuRObHIDOVTS93fWUR1H2Fr_18jjGQ2rqMMM082q3QaYgCMGDzgJX68Z4F_PjNZOL-lDTxJNaYf57p44vtgHscVbsJ5Psx26Bs23tsydO0/s320/03.PNG" width="133" /></a>By the time we open on our final issue, Nisa is looking to flee the country rather than abide by a Loki presidency. All the while, she watches footage of Loki being saved by a mentally unstable superhuman by Angela followed by whispering between the two. The next thing you know Angela has pulled out her phone and sets up a meeting with Nisa. Thor is there, as well. Apparently, the two had been in cahoots the entire time. Angela had been waiting for an opportunity to save Loki's life in order to compel him to tell her some crucial information... and she happily gives that information up to Nisa in exchange for a lifetime subscription to the Daily Bugle. It's the little things in life...<br />
<br />
It turns out they are standing in the base of operations of the Hydra sect that attacked the debate and pulling up their computer revealed "Lucas From Buzzfeed" as their leader. Lucas? Remember him? That was Loki's disguise way back in the beginiing of the mini-series.<br />
<br />
This gets published and of course, the millennials are completely fine with it because this book hates everyone too young to remember wondering about who shot Dallas, despite being comics' target demographic. It does however further galvanize the anti-Loki movement, causing the two opposing sides come to blows.<br />
<br />
Chaos is erupting in the streets as Loki's fans have not been dissuaded (sound familiar, guys?) and the sitting president and congress even unanimously voted to strip the office of the president of many of its more recently acquired powers in anticipation of a Loki presidency.<br />
<br />
Nisa is watching tenuous fabric of American life rip itself apart and the seams when there is a knock on the door and does she ever wear anything around the house besides booty shorts and a camisole? I'm guessing journalism pays the rent, but not the AC. Loki needs help-- he's doesn't want to be president, not if it means causing the nation to tear itself apart. He needs her help getting him get him discredited... which has worked so well in the past. Still, he promised not to tell a single lie in the process, and trickster deities know how sacred promises and deals are.<br />
<br />
He instantly transports her to a live studio, changing her wardrobe in the process thankfully. He is expecting Nisa to ask all the best questions and expose him, although it's fairly obvious that he knows it would backfire, presumably to bring both sides of the aisle together in support of him. Nisa has a trick of her own however and causes and upset by handing the mic over to his supporters in the audience to ask questions, this apparently has not happened before. Not a single question has been asked by anyone other than the press. Unable to lie and unexpectedly confronted by his supporters, he's already been thrown two curveballs, However, as the questions go on, it seems like Loki has no concrete plan to address many of the problems facing the nation. Not only that, the supporters who thought he would buck the corrupt system are gobsmacked to find out he'd be working in the interests of all Americans, not just the rebellious fringe.<br />
<br />
Nisa sums it up beautifully by asserting the only message his campaign has really delivered on was declaring "the other two candidates are bad" and that's not enough for any candidate to get even close to the presidency.<br />
<br />
One particular audience member calls him out, feeling betrayed because Loki would rather work with the government than bring it down and Loki reaches his breaking point. You know when you're the oldest member of your social circle by a significant stretche and you finally have had enough of pretending to be cool and want to let your friends know what's what? Yeah, Loki has stopped being cool uncle Loki and calls his supporters out on the idiocy that has carried his campaign this far.<br />
<br />
The next day is the election day and the only states that Loki ends up winning are Nevada, Nebraska, West Virginia, Mississippi, and New Jersey... because if any state will vote for someone who lies nearly all the time and treats everyone like they are morons, it's New Jersey (mwahahahaha.... Trump isn't the only one going down, Chris Christie).<br />
<br />
We see a montage of celebration from our cast. Jane Foster in chemo looks up at the hospital television with a staid grin on her face while Angela celebrates alongside Rocket and Groot in the only bar in NYC that will serve the Guardians. Although, probably not for long since Angela's jubilant excitement causes a waitress's face to get smashed with a plateful of pie and drinks. Nisa gets tapped to appear on J Jonah Jameson's show on the Fact Channel and turns around to find Loki in her apartment. Again.<br />
<br />
He's fairly certain he's going to lose, but he twists it into a win by suggesting that this whole story was all an overly elaborate ploy to give Nisa the chance to right the wrong that Loki caused in her childhood. Of course, she calls it for the slapdash bullshit it is, but it's more friendly than any interaction they've had thus far. Maybe it's because he's no longer a threat, or maybe it's because tricking him like she did took him down a peg enough for her to humanize him a bit, but this conversation feels genuine and less like the satirical posturing that much of the book has felt like. It's actually pretty charming.<br />
<br />
Loki floats away as he pulls out a flip phone (he can join Cap in the anachronistic phone club) as he calls to concede to his winning opponent. Of course being Loki, he frames it like his blowup the previous night was a gift for his/her campaign. And he literally disappears into the horizon as the story ends.<br />
<br />
This isn't a bad story by any stretch of the imagination. It's fun and moves at a good pace, but it feels unfocused. This book tries to do too much, mainly because it had too much of a good thing. There is a lot that goes into a US presidential election and this current one has been an insane cycle, so there was no shortage of material for them and in trying to genuinely capture what it feels like to be an American following the election process faithfully, the creative team ended up with a book that feels unbalanced and unwieldy in certain places. I also question the angle the satire took. The crux of Loki's campaign was because everyone thinks the candidates are so bad. We never learn why. They are super generic to the point that they could have been cardboard cut-outs. As a result, the focus of the sature becomes the inanity of the <strike>organ grinder monkeys </strike>TV news pundits and spending an incredibly large amount of time poking fun at the Bernie or Bust movement. Yeah, with all the material Trump's primary constituency has going for it, the book kept going back to the hipsters/millennial well whenever they wanted to lampoon the American public. And poking fun at millennials and the Bernie or Bust movement is fine, except for the fact that they seem to be the only ones targeted in this piece. I somehow suspect that the writers feared they'd get threats if they aimed their satire at the deplorables, and because of that I feel like the book doesn't have the courage of conviction needed to write truly spectacular social satire.katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-56280638600312895642016-10-04T08:00:00.000-07:002016-10-05T17:33:45.286-07:00Air Quotes of Evil<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIsSjGoiDNJ83LSFZUYB9Wq-eM7hfPSai_pz9M8c9pEyQg2ltIkxKfFcofiZfVQ3IHfwNEuSmbzoHDYPv53_jlEUFbCowDPG-XYuV66B-2zmKVct4lR_LUmuHMrxCM2P6a3xKdU7p4h8Y/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIsSjGoiDNJ83LSFZUYB9Wq-eM7hfPSai_pz9M8c9pEyQg2ltIkxKfFcofiZfVQ3IHfwNEuSmbzoHDYPv53_jlEUFbCowDPG-XYuV66B-2zmKVct4lR_LUmuHMrxCM2P6a3xKdU7p4h8Y/s640/00.JPG" width="418" /></a>Today, we're back with issue #3 of <i>Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur</i>. It's the last of the three issues in the <i>Timely Comics </i>edition, which featured the materials coming out post-<i>Secret Wars</i>," and collectively known as the All-New, All-Different" era, and collected the first three issues of the new publication line. In most cases, I have to wonder if that left readers unsatisfied, since the modern model for comic book storytelling puts an emphasis on pacing for collected editions, and making each arc feel like its own discrete story, often with somewhat of a resulting lack of cohesion from arc to arc. However, by the end of this issue, it will become apparent that this won't be a worry for our characters.<br />
collected in my "Timely Comics" edition, so in a small way I feel like this is, at least for me, a close on the first chapter (or with hope, just the prologue) of this book. The "Timely Comics" editions were published a few months into the post <br />
<br />
Let's Recap: Super-genius 9-year-old Lunella Lafayette has been reluctantly bonding with the time-displaced Devil Dinosaur while also fearing that he might eat her. DD has been reluctant to let her go home because he doesn't want to let the Nightstone/Kree Omni-Wave Projector out of his sight and Lunella is just as stubborn about leaving it behind. Meanwhile, the evil cavemen of the Killer Folk have picked up some rudimentary English and robbed some clothes off some unsuspecting subway riders and NYC police. Lunella finally convinces DD to let her leave, Nightstone in hand, but she isn't out of Big Red's sight for a minute before she is jumped by the Killer Folk.<br />
<br />
Before I get into the issue, let's take a moment to appreciate this cover. Remember last time, how I went on at length about the waning usage of sound effects words in comics and how they exist as a visual element in the storytelling? Well, as of this issue, I am convinced that Montclare and Reeder are making an active effort to rehabilitate the onomatopoeia in comics. I love that not only do we have Devil Dinosaur's "roar" in big yellow and pink bubble letters, but that they physically interact with the page like an actual roar would, literally being the physical force of the roar nearly blowing Lunella over. It's also a fun visualization of their dynamic, which is an ideal "show, don't tell" moment for the cover.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiE7kHMWcvZgO0LSJj2YEV2HU-6axJA4PKNrLckLDrCW2r-tFPDxipArup6Udk4vLyz29lX6aSqyDmRAgpQlHDFYl2AN0qlLeUYSez2y8Z3d0kh5ARP5SgjHfTIDYH9mAXT4VgRWOmd-A/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiE7kHMWcvZgO0LSJj2YEV2HU-6axJA4PKNrLckLDrCW2r-tFPDxipArup6Udk4vLyz29lX6aSqyDmRAgpQlHDFYl2AN0qlLeUYSez2y8Z3d0kh5ARP5SgjHfTIDYH9mAXT4VgRWOmd-A/s1600/01.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The inherent dangers of the self driving car.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Picking up right where left last issue, with the Nightstone in hand and Lunella apprehended, the Killer Folk are still worried about the big honking dinosaur that followed them into the future, but one of them has thrown caution to the wind, jumping up and down until he gets a car thrown on top of him. I'm going to assumed Devil Dinosaur threw that with his massive jaws because, well, T-Rex arms.<br />
<br />
Before you get too worried that one of our protagonists just offed someone (I don't know why this is a concern, considering he's a freaking dinosaur), don't worry. They just rolled the car off him. It has a huge dent in it, but the guy seems okay. I know the Rule of Cool should probably negate logic in this instance, but I have to wonder if cavemen in the Marvel Universe are supposed to be OP. They're about the size of a modern 10-year-old child. Granted, these are warriors and average civilians in the subway could be taken unawares. Being able to get the jump on trained police officers, who have guns, tasers, mace, and a night stick is a bit more implausible, but still within the realm of possibility. Being able to walk away from having a car thrown on top of you is really where I ought to draw the line.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitLhAQglD9Y0HjGyIaEWu5Cdq5_TCX6ztdAWsEnvsrTF_LdF37KZpKyNGlCSCODdKyBMbWIsVeqe790ByKtl3DdgsY0V8xkWkAk3NjztrsHgPm1SF4vqGXvqpMOrA8GrVrraPfHoedDSw/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="162" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitLhAQglD9Y0HjGyIaEWu5Cdq5_TCX6ztdAWsEnvsrTF_LdF37KZpKyNGlCSCODdKyBMbWIsVeqe790ByKtl3DdgsY0V8xkWkAk3NjztrsHgPm1SF4vqGXvqpMOrA8GrVrraPfHoedDSw/s400/02.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The car didn't even knock off his hat, let alone hurt him. </td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZpn7NxUvixH5jn7HDtn3Cu5JY1iM1Py11nSHhbj_jlebKmvwYbGpMt5X5fPPjO4P0wF02z0m_ND_N2OUZ4EsBgNJE3_xRKxwh7s1PLEaJq_2LFkaPkOTZIHDHXMrDpA36Et3L2sTG5vE/s1600/03a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZpn7NxUvixH5jn7HDtn3Cu5JY1iM1Py11nSHhbj_jlebKmvwYbGpMt5X5fPPjO4P0wF02z0m_ND_N2OUZ4EsBgNJE3_xRKxwh7s1PLEaJq_2LFkaPkOTZIHDHXMrDpA36Et3L2sTG5vE/s320/03a.JPG" width="268" /></a>Of course, where there is a car crashing down from above, a T-Rex can't be far behind (add that to sentences that I don't think I would have ever said), and what ensues is a positively fun "hot potato" fight sequence, of who's got the Nightstone. It ventures on positively Rube Goldbergian territory, with Lunella using a spring loaded device in her back pack to pounce on one caveman, and later one big swing of Devil Dinosaur's tail launches another caveman into the air to snatch the macguffin back from Lunella.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, however, the Killer Folk escape with the Nightstone, and Lunella is none too pleased. And she blames Devil Dinosaur completely. I think it's an understatement to say she didn't handle it well. I'm still at a loss for why she comes across so unpleasantly in these sorts of moments because she's a nine -year-old and children are awful or if this utter deficit of basic empathy is a singularly defining character trait for her.<br />
<br />
I appreciate the fact that they've definitely made an effort to establish this prickly temper part of her personality. It does a great job of demonstrating that she's not just a girl who is misunderstood. For as much crap as people give her, she does have some blatant personality flaws. She's got some growing up to do.<br />
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Once she has finally made her way back to the Lafayette household, her parents replay the news story about the incident in her school yard. They are none to please with what happened to her today, despite the fact that she got home in time for supper without so much as a scraped knee. Parents, amirite? They're solution to their daughter getting kidnapped by giant red T-Rexes is to forbid her from doing extra curricular science projects. Yeah, attempting to limit your child's intellectual growth-- that'll teach her not to get attacked by cavemen.<br />
<br />
Where to begin...?<br />
<br />
On the one hand, I'm puzzled that they honestly treat this like something she had any control over. Granted, she's little miss science, but from what we've seen of her practical applications, they mostly take the form of gadgets: sneakers with button activated roller skates, remote control snitches, and the aforementioned backpack. Blaming her for bringing a dinosaur into the present and that is ran off with her in its mouth seems like a quantum leap in her ostensible capabilities... as well as victim blaming.<br />
<br />
On the second hand, <b>A DINOSAUR FROM THE DAWN OF TIME RAN OFF WITH THEIR DAUGHTER TODAY</b>. Please take a moment to note the lack of relief at her safe return. Yeah, I'm starting to see where little miss personality gets it from.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOg6ZWrk1xmjB4LmXFXiR0aHbqDKiV1v62zgsJhAu_VFYbsOSrmCuA4sVhDJvk3XPlgdwxqMikhP2-DevLirA40PNvO-tgaxOvXu9OWCwVIE71mhNdD0jpMdUH7dxwjziKUhuOs4lMV60/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOg6ZWrk1xmjB4LmXFXiR0aHbqDKiV1v62zgsJhAu_VFYbsOSrmCuA4sVhDJvk3XPlgdwxqMikhP2-DevLirA40PNvO-tgaxOvXu9OWCwVIE71mhNdD0jpMdUH7dxwjziKUhuOs4lMV60/s400/05.JPG" width="155" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Air quotes are the new<br />
resting bitch face.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On the third hand (don't try to limit me to your wacky 2-handed system), is there something wrong with this family that they need to watch all their media through a wee little phone screen? I mean other than the fact that this book is aimed at millennials and millennials love them some smartphones, it doesn't make any sense. when a tv screen (just about all of which have the option of rewinding in realtime, nowadays), or even a tablet would be more pragmatic for a whole family to watch at the dinner table (which, being New York, I assume doubles as the living room). I mean, no wonder Lunella is already wearing (presumably thick) glasses if her parents are making her watch a 2"x 4" screen across the table every time something is amiss.<br />
<br />
The next day at school, her teacher continues to demonstrate some pretty dubious efforts to relate to special and/or gifted children. She has had exactly two scenes in this series thus far and both have been defined by being condescending and abrasive towards Lunella. Okay, teachers aren't prone to appreciating a student who doesn't pay attention in class. However, the fact that she keeps singling Lunella out with a fair sense of intentionality belies some personal issues that probably ought to be addressed in counselling.<br />
<br />
Those quotation fingers are the proverbial cherry on this insult sundae. This woman seems to make a point of taking every opportunity to infantilize Lunella. Is this this petty self-esteem issues at work or something more sinister?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQqHNjpWCDa3tKgG5BL8J26I3exezla-MylAg_ZgFK9Cg_nmw5oJ9SWUspU0erBFhnekwlSnpKxCXPNb_E4HwOGWL_MDf1k5_N9N5w7oDfNeizd-asHH0ncYoPJRroPdjvhJT2gbsUVM/s1600/ep53-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWQqHNjpWCDa3tKgG5BL8J26I3exezla-MylAg_ZgFK9Cg_nmw5oJ9SWUspU0erBFhnekwlSnpKxCXPNb_E4HwOGWL_MDf1k5_N9N5w7oDfNeizd-asHH0ncYoPJRroPdjvhJT2gbsUVM/s320/ep53-1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Actually, these guys are a lot more personable.</td></tr>
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The art makes her use of quotation fingers feel so labored and intentionally belittling that I'm starting to get that vibe you'd get when watching episodes of <i>Pokemon. </i>Whenever Jesse and James are in incredibly transparent disguises that Clark Kent would think are too obvious, but it's their shitty human interaction skills that give them away. What if she is from some clandestine shady organization that is aware of Lunella's potential and they're trying to discourage her from making a scientific breakthrough that will put her organization out of business? Okay, ridiculous headcanons aside, maybe she's just a crappy teacher.<br />
<br />
Something tells me this woman only got a teaching degree to pay the bills as a backup until she got hired by a scientific research firm, but has been stuck in front of a classroom longer than she cares to acknowledge, the chances that she is going to make tenure are looking bleaker every day, and so now she's basically in a "fuck it" state of mind and is using her relative power to troll the only person in the room smarter than her.<br />
<br />
Asking to be excused, Lunella goes to the girl's lavatory, where she is reminded that her peers are pretty much just as awful. Even without the relative authority of an educator, they manage to be toxic towards her by leveraging their communal social clout over her.<br />
<br />
The girls in the bathroom are doing something involving a lit match and a roll of newspaper. Are they lighting a joint? Making a stink bomb? I find it odd that they're using match sticks when you can get a Bic lighter at any convenience store. It makes me think that this is something that would be illicit of an elementary school student and thus really out of my frame of knowledge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxEh_NBvn6-7PzS2PsMsiIeMK_GC2D5qqrvSoHb_PRYKPpXCWeb0JZO98mBhLmoHK_5b1JaNPfCCFTZ2Cp9mg4JUDmGGDGutUhpw1MJzlEEY52TcKI4TgvJZnZVC5BoOaiLokkGRTGRFw/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxEh_NBvn6-7PzS2PsMsiIeMK_GC2D5qqrvSoHb_PRYKPpXCWeb0JZO98mBhLmoHK_5b1JaNPfCCFTZ2Cp9mg4JUDmGGDGutUhpw1MJzlEEY52TcKI4TgvJZnZVC5BoOaiLokkGRTGRFw/s1600/06.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, that's one way to get them to laugh with and not at you.<br />
... Or maybe the other way around?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The girl holding the lit match drops and completely forgets about it when upon teasing Lunella for getting to go around with a dinosaur for a day, she roars at them like a dinosaur. And as odd a reaction as that is, it's only fitting that they get a laugh out of it. Honestly though, I'm disturbed by what these girls view as mockery material. Getting taken away by a carnivorous dinosaur and living to tell the tale should elicit only two responses: sympathy or wonder. However, considering this is a world in which superhero battles regularly cause your GPS to reroute your commute, Norse gods and mutants can disrupt weather forecasts, and a giant purple-clad alien periodically tries to <i>eat the Earth</i>, perhaps getting carried off by a T-Rex is about on par with getting caught throwing up a kiddie ride at an amusement park in the Marvel Universe.<br />
<br />
Of course, this is no concern to Lunella (or is it? nothing about her inner monologue would imply that she even cares about engaging with her peers-- and yet she makes the attempt. Hm...). Instead she goes into one of the stalls and climbs into an air vent... with the lit match visible right next to toilet paper strewn on the floor.<br />
<br />
Lunella comes out in her secret lab beneath the school. It tells you something in a story with cavemen and dinosaurs, and the looming fear of a cloud that turns you into a super-powered being, that this is what finally breaks this books already tenuous suspension of disbelief.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gmrNz-R9QXncNRpcO1SGMQPBx-u8sZ0X19V08IbZeFKZyMXodx1Kg2XGCG6N_Nr1v5uhV6hOkWAoLmJTelslMGRAQONfJBllnZ9gPwNb3NBq2UGTAFHOlAsbknXao7D8hyRQSItyVyA/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gmrNz-R9QXncNRpcO1SGMQPBx-u8sZ0X19V08IbZeFKZyMXodx1Kg2XGCG6N_Nr1v5uhV6hOkWAoLmJTelslMGRAQONfJBllnZ9gPwNb3NBq2UGTAFHOlAsbknXao7D8hyRQSItyVyA/s400/07.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can we just file this under "kids' clubhouse wish fulfillment?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Not only does she have a secret lab in the (sub)basement of her elementary school filled with equipment that she couldn't have possibly snuck down there without someone noticing (how a 90 lb soaking wet girl managed to get it down there is also up for question, but I'm sure the creators will say she used a hover boards or some sort of comic book science), and that she even managed to hide a freaking T-Rex in there. Devil Dinosaur could not have possibly managed the height clearance needed to get into the main doors, let alone getting down into the basement. Back when I was in school, I think I might have gotten away with sneaking something ridiculous into the school, if I so chose, but contemporary schools are Fort Knox compared to what my generation grew up with, in terms of security.<br />
<br />
But in its defense, reality is no excuse for fiction. This is a comic, an urban fantasy. And hoo boy is this place a fantasy. If I were a fourth grader, I would be over the moon to have a secret hangout like this.<br />
<br />
Lunella is rambling on to her mute conversation companion, reiterating her objectives and concerns about her Inhuman genetics, and she manages to be both grating and endearing at the same time. Like most kids, she manages to balance being endearing and a horrible id monster.<br />
<br />
Devil Dinosaur is distracted by a distinct smell, however. Up in the school, for some questionable reason, Montclare and Reeder chose to confuse me by cutting to a panel back in the class room where Lunella's teacher, who looks like a flat out mad scientist (more evidence to support my "she's secretly a villian" theory) as she shows the students a lit Bunsen burner. It feels like a proposed false lead that even the creators didn't feel like pursuing after one panel.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIbzYokPwTrUfAgRkbHSYoALh8xpuz_dKnBv-MTGYgvxvgn8sMnaJLcUIylMyHEhblzqkwpufdtZDhC7pwpbZawp3-aMElPVoVxBmvYVyPCdXyirr560xYLVlKk7pEex1tAA8YBBTYSw/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="153" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIbzYokPwTrUfAgRkbHSYoALh8xpuz_dKnBv-MTGYgvxvgn8sMnaJLcUIylMyHEhblzqkwpufdtZDhC7pwpbZawp3-aMElPVoVxBmvYVyPCdXyirr560xYLVlKk7pEex1tAA8YBBTYSw/s400/08.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That is the face of an evil schemer. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Instead, we head back to the bathroom where the lit match has set the bathroom ablaze. I've concluded that the only thing worse than this school's teaching staff is its safety procedures. Any accredited school conducts regular fire drills at least once per month, and each and every class room should include its own instructions for both a primary and alternate path for a safe egress. Unless that bathroom has a consciousness that targeted and surrounded the science class room, there is no reason why jumping out of a third story window. And even if this is part of their fire safety plan, it probably includes a rollup rope ladder.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNP5nyyKpDLTu_Re7IwKH4d5ZDW9G3FbEiAR_YVtF-p8hiM8U5Bog3rTesEeB_-c-8xDfLfuCv9D57g4ATIpkW2pyH775SyRQYLQjjG95EgkGHybEyfV9OfuCZLyPoIW859yM4_-YhZjw/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNP5nyyKpDLTu_Re7IwKH4d5ZDW9G3FbEiAR_YVtF-p8hiM8U5Bog3rTesEeB_-c-8xDfLfuCv9D57g4ATIpkW2pyH775SyRQYLQjjG95EgkGHybEyfV9OfuCZLyPoIW859yM4_-YhZjw/s320/09.JPG" width="281" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Squawk! It's a living"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Of course, now I find myself comparing this situation to the Triangle Factory Fire. And I need to stop that now before I allow a comparison of public schools to pre-union sweat shop conditions to dominate the rest of this entry.<br />
<br />
Lunella comes up through a sewer manhole cover that she should not be able to lift by any stretch of the imagination and she tries to assess the situation until her new friend bursts onto the scene, literally bursting up through the street, causing a lot of property damage, as any self-respecting time-displaced dinosaur is wont to do. Lunella gets him to use his head back and tail to act as an emergency slide to get her classmates to safety.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyAhIPxjPGt27-WXowt__2QnqWXMz02W4kJTPK-Bd3raopGoTpbUb72DZlHuHXzeLirkdQXpgn5y8DZlsFuEx7Zc7nhNTtC2Hi9uMG0ugUtDN4WsB0c1eBn5lHnxVcRjVuKxMklJEbTM/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="98" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhyAhIPxjPGt27-WXowt__2QnqWXMz02W4kJTPK-Bd3raopGoTpbUb72DZlHuHXzeLirkdQXpgn5y8DZlsFuEx7Zc7nhNTtC2Hi9uMG0ugUtDN4WsB0c1eBn5lHnxVcRjVuKxMklJEbTM/s400/10.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This kid gets it. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now, before I even had a chance to reflect on what wonderful cartoon logic her solution is, one of her classmates does it for me by making a reference to <i>The Flintstones</i>, which subsequently gives me hope that kids really do watch classic cartoons.<br />
<br />
Just when all is said and done, the class rescued, and Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaurs are the heroes of the day, instead of a cheers and thanks, we are treated to a cameo from a character who confuses our favorite red-hued theropod for a bad guy. Because it wouldn't be a Marvel crossover unless the heroes fight first and bond later. Enter: Amadeus Cho, the Totally Awesome Hulk. Of course, Lunella being Lunella, she instantly assumes he's an idiot. Okay, as horrible as she is as a child, imagine how well prepared she's going to be for deflecting unwanted advances when she gets into her teen years.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL3q2POLeehXC0tka8s9bPLDHHsKqFXfxgL3xq_O1zgnKBKei3XZwLvyMyVR1Tk1zj00lTDYTzWr54jrkz5Jas6UuW11MSIVlN_V3tm4rVkhgrbc4YoIt0CMw5Oy7eXr9gLpx1M4DjduI/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL3q2POLeehXC0tka8s9bPLDHHsKqFXfxgL3xq_O1zgnKBKei3XZwLvyMyVR1Tk1zj00lTDYTzWr54jrkz5Jas6UuW11MSIVlN_V3tm4rVkhgrbc4YoIt0CMw5Oy7eXr9gLpx1M4DjduI/s640/11.JPG" width="408" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aw yeah! Next Issue: Me fangirling over Amadeus Cho.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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This book is ridiculous and it charms the pants off me. I've said different variations on that for the past three issues, and I'm worried I'm starting to sound like a broken record.<br />
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For the next few weeks, I'm going to be doing something a little different. After all, we have officially arrived both at my favorite time of the year as well as my least favorite part of my country's four-year election cycle. I've got some ideas on how to tackle both these, but you'll have to wait and see...<br />
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-9448826806915096912016-09-22T08:00:00.000-07:002016-09-22T08:00:14.476-07:00BaTorpedoes are a go!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpl0uDBePXa56SU8zbMW7uSUeivrwyy59mgf_0cHObzRC5IjfjpiOEEHylWNwrGgRTomFN52X_9L42PqM8gKPseVX085yAh8-BllYS7KLlaWzYw7x912S4LNOt8jcBBREJvnGrozkYZQ/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpl0uDBePXa56SU8zbMW7uSUeivrwyy59mgf_0cHObzRC5IjfjpiOEEHylWNwrGgRTomFN52X_9L42PqM8gKPseVX085yAh8-BllYS7KLlaWzYw7x912S4LNOt8jcBBREJvnGrozkYZQ/s640/00.JPG" width="418" /></a>There is a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that a teacher in middle school once taught me that I've always come back to and I believe <i>Batman</i> #637 is an unusually apt case to apply it. "For everything you have missed, you have gained something else." This isn't an issue that does a lot of heavy lifting. On a narrative level, there isn't all that much movement, nor are we given a wealth of new insight into the inner workings of our protagonist. What it does offer in abundance is action and .<br />
<br />
PREVIOUSLY: Batman was busy brooding his way through a steak out, and was joined by Nightwing, aka Dick Grayson the first Robin, who rightly thought that his best friend could use some emotional caregiving. Meanwhile the current criminal kingpin in Gotham has a thorn in his side in the form of the mysterious Red Hood, who has been interfering with his operation. To combat this nuisance, Black Mask has taken on the services of unstable Arkham frequent flyer, Mister Freeze. Batman and Nightwing's mission takes them to Gotham Harbor where Black Mask's men are expecting a pretty large delivery. The freighter delivering it blows up and our heroes spot the incendiary, Red Hood, who leads them deftly on a chase across the rooftops of Gotham until they find themselves inside a warehouse. There, they are confronted with Black Mask's absconded delivery: A.M.A.Z.O., a homicidal android with the powers of seven members of the Justice League.<br />
<br />
Which brings us to the top of this issue. This issue's cover rectifies all my complaints with issue #636. The image depicted actually reflects what happens in the issue. Again, the proportions are off, however this time it is quite clearly an intentional choice to emphasize the physical threat posed by our issue's obstacle. The obvious nature of playing with the proportions creates a heightened realism that both plays into the fantastic nature of DC superhero comics but contrasts with the pulpy realism of a Batman detective story. Overall, this cover feels incredibly dynamic and quite possibly the best so far in this run of Batman.<br />
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We open with a preamble in villain HQ. We won't see much of Black Mask this issue, but he basically book-ends this chapter in the story. In this overall story arc, he'll prove to be our tritagonist. However, in the first leg of the story, there really isn't all that much room for him since it is devoted to really showcasing how Red Hood is three steps ahead of everybody. And while it is admirable to attempt to keep all your important characters threaded throughout the entire narrative it is a bit of a problem that this first scene with him is a slight variation of what we saw in his appearance last issue. In case you didn't read <a href="http://ihaveissuesreviews.blogspot.com/2016/08/theres-always-room-for-dick.html">that particular installment</a>, it basically fell into the category of "wacky hijinks." Except this time the same basic bullet points are hit with Black Mask's latest hire in the room with him instead of down the hall.<br />
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Black Mask is sitting across a desk from Mister Freeze, flanked by his superego with a pulse, David Li some nameless craggy-faced mafioso. Spoilers: do <b>not </b> get attached. This scene really reads as an human resources or employee rights compliance manager's worst nightmare. Mask is playing it as cool as a cucumber, trying to play the role of the understanding authority figure in the hopes of keeping a modicum of control over Freeze, but Victor is clearly not on the same wave length. He's that guy who has read the manual inside and out, wants to do his job, and is pretty intolerant of the bullshit of workplace pleasantries.<br />
<br />
This "Mr. Nice Boss" attitude adopts really rings true, not only to the readers who recently saw him essentially torture one of the Bat-Family nearly to the brink of death, but also to Freeze who really doesn't like being talked down to and has already gone through at least two of Black Mask's tech guys <u>while they were constructing his cryo-suit</u> because of perceived slights.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPUMiSkO2LQdJk792_jvSOke5Ycd2_3rLpvXX8cSsh_ENqi5tqT03Bpz1masUFyDXD1Ln4nHr6l4t_n6VQJUfXKSq8acpJWeA-rLcSZ2C5yKX1r0y9EqWu0ZAaPHA0OdjHdNI6jRwNSH4/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPUMiSkO2LQdJk792_jvSOke5Ycd2_3rLpvXX8cSsh_ENqi5tqT03Bpz1masUFyDXD1Ln4nHr6l4t_n6VQJUfXKSq8acpJWeA-rLcSZ2C5yKX1r0y9EqWu0ZAaPHA0OdjHdNI6jRwNSH4/s320/01.JPG" width="310" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think, "ghaaaah!!!!" sums up my reaction nicely.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With that in mind, we can conclude that the rando on Black Mask's left was born utterly without a sense of self preservation, when he opens his mouth to delivery a pretty snippy retort with all the bitchiness of an inter-office e-mail about properly labeling food in the break room fridge.<br />
For his efforts, he is promptly and surprisingly unexpectedly turned into a mobcicle, courtesy of Freeze's brand spanking new mafia-issue cryo-gun. Because Freeze is a True Neutral gamer who gives absolutely 0 fucks (or 32 fuck Fahrenheit).<br />
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Now, as horrifying a way to go as being frozen to death in the span of a heartbeat, the art takes it one step further by lingering on this sight of our brand new human ice sculpture long enough for the guy's face to crack into a dozen pieces and fall to the ground. I'm not sure if it's come up in the blog thus far, but I <i>really </i>don't do well with body horror. It makes me squirm in my seat and makes me eagerly wish to be elsewhere.<br />
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So, as much as these Black Mask/Mister Freeze scenes feel like a big, blinking arrow pointed at the back burner of your stove, it does a neat little bit of character work establishing our villains' different temperaments and objectives.<br />
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Speaking of objectives. now that the sense of symmetry behind Black Mask's has been ruined, Li finally remembers to mention why he's in this scene. Apparently, Amazon's tracking number never confirmed the delivery on that giant killer robot-sized package they ordered, and I suppose opening a live chat to request a re-delivery still was a pain in the neck way back in 2005. Well, good thing they just acquired the services of an unfeeling, unstable, easily instigated cryomancer...<br />
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The bulk of the remainder of the issue depicts Batman and Nightwing's struggle against Amazo. I'm going to forego a play by play of the fight, because it really defeats the purpose of a visual medium. Instead, I am aching to talk about what this kind of fight scene represents.<br />
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The first thing that becomes apparent when reading these pages is that instead of the sticking with Batman's internal monologue, as it was last issue, this time we are in Nightwing's head. Were this an ensemble title, switching between the various POV's of our characters would feel absolutely normal, but this feels like an odd choice to be proverbially guided through a solo title by someone other than the eponymous hero. <br />
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Still, reading the two issues back-to-back, there is a sense that Batman and Nightwing's internal monologue's complement each other. Last issue expressed a melancholy nostalgia, longing for the simpler days back when Dick was Robin and his constant companion. In contrast, Nightwing's narration implies both a sense of unceasing wonder at as well as a keen understanding of Batman. Nightwing has forged his own path and become quite a different hero and leader than Bruce, but his internal monologue all but states that he grew into the man he is today because even under Batman's fairly rigid supervision, he did allow space for him to be his own person.<br />
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In fact, I think Batman has lasted as long as he has <i>because </i>of it. If Batman hadn't allowed for Dick-as-Robin to be a buoyant quipster took the edge off Batman, allowed him to appear more as the more disciplined adult to Dick's boisterous child instead of the very alienating Batman who lives on a steady diet of brooding, tactics, and a thirst for justice. Batman molded Robin/Nightwing into one of the most socially/emotionally connected heroes in the DCU simply by allowing for Dick's personality to shine through, while Robin/Nightwing tempered Batman into the more... "friendly" isn't the right word, um... cooperative and morally accountable man who would end up not only the crux of his own local network of crime fighters, but also the master strategist of various iterations of the Justice League. Even in modern stories, when they team up together in the hands of a good writer, they still mostly only ever seem to bolster each other's strengths, and rarely ever diminish one another.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzql6HE4KqksiezpKsH-jH9THsGenRrin0lQiHFaK6KPvBJApE1DmOYUmj3v0cylb56RiptUMsMuFSAZJMj0wyzBaQgSXjpni4Gyd3AR5ubNhszAaxmupsylQc5pc85y11-SyTqccWHQ/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlzql6HE4KqksiezpKsH-jH9THsGenRrin0lQiHFaK6KPvBJApE1DmOYUmj3v0cylb56RiptUMsMuFSAZJMj0wyzBaQgSXjpni4Gyd3AR5ubNhszAaxmupsylQc5pc85y11-SyTqccWHQ/s400/02.JPG" width="305" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Batman's a badass, lest we forget... </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Last time, I mentioned that a character like Amazo exists to give a super-powered team like the Justice League a challenge to use their powers creatively or team up in unexpected way, being that he is a character who can do anything they can do. However, when a character like Amazo faces off against one or two heroes, neither of whom have superhuman abilities, you get to see a different type of fight that you don't get to see often-- no holds barred. Heroes generally fight to subdue, not kill or maim. But that's with living, sentient foes. With a an android, particularly one that is programmed specifically to kill heroes and is singularly equipped to do so, heroes don't need to pull their punches and what would come across as sociopathic violence against, oh, say the Riddler or Deathstroke is actually pretty satisfying when done against a kill-bot.<br />
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It's kind of like watching the X-Men rip a sentinel to shreds. It's a great way to demonstrate how utterly effective combatants our heroes can be while side-stepping the general taboo against heroes killing. And yes, Batman is that good. He throws a bunch of flash-bang grenades right in Amazo's face <i>just</i> so that he'll be too distracted to notice the exploding batarang Batman lodged in his leg. Which detonates and destroying all but the cybernetic framework of his leg.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9bMXIfygZG_Lor-oSsfaBL4nKCkZ-1edGoDysTT65GSf61u8BRzgr_ImcEJzb09gSrT54ITpI8267m0eHCeOc4e8XROfNH1WO5qDL5BleiGaLKTAiHj6WogiPKgDjv4SaVM3hHWB-qZ0/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9bMXIfygZG_Lor-oSsfaBL4nKCkZ-1edGoDysTT65GSf61u8BRzgr_ImcEJzb09gSrT54ITpI8267m0eHCeOc4e8XROfNH1WO5qDL5BleiGaLKTAiHj6WogiPKgDjv4SaVM3hHWB-qZ0/s320/03.JPG" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Admit it, you feel ill just looking at that.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Nightwing stabs his fighting escrima into it's ears and Batman even stuffs his eyes with plastic explosives, so when Amazo accesses Superman's heat vision, he effectively burns out his own eyes. Again, this would be ruthless behavior if Batman used these kind of tactics on another living being, but because Amazo is a heartless murder droid, it negates those concerns and allows the reader to marvel at Batman and Nightwing's battle prowess and general badassery.<br />
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Of course being a R.O.D.O.K. [Robotic Obstruction Designed Only For Killing], all this does is slow him down. That's when it comes time for Batman to call in the the big gun. That's actually an odd yet apt word choice because Batman famously doesn't fight with guns. With the tap of a key fob, the Batmobile hones in on their location and reaches their destination. I'm sure it's using the same technology that UBER is beta testing. Now, of all the numerous toys built into the Batmobile, you'd think there would be EMP guns (actually according to the wiki, there's one of those on the utility belt, but I guess they needed the fight to last the length of the issue), flame throwers, or some other specific weapon designed specifically to target artificial threats (I imagine he has to take out a lot of gun turrets). Instead, do you want to know what we get? A torpedo bay mounted with four torpedoes pops out from the roof of the Batmobile. I told you he was bringing out the big guns. Torpedoes: they're the difference between a smart car and the ultimate BFG. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWP1DmwmWWP85AFbivmQTFLtl4CfW91b7FYwojeDDnfBZ5I2-KJi65DkTxN8OE3zYJRvTTLqTJIZPKZeStMaLtbp38mJXW3vy7RHqb3c6rIJ4IJN8S0PoUvaZkDUeqwr0lU03DTECpqZc/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWP1DmwmWWP85AFbivmQTFLtl4CfW91b7FYwojeDDnfBZ5I2-KJi65DkTxN8OE3zYJRvTTLqTJIZPKZeStMaLtbp38mJXW3vy7RHqb3c6rIJ4IJN8S0PoUvaZkDUeqwr0lU03DTECpqZc/s400/04.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">KIT never seemed the same after joining the NRA.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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And yes, it's excessive, but boy is it satisfying for Batman to actually have a good time instead of standing around moping like he'd been doing in the first two issues of this story. We don't see the body, but he doesn't come back up for another round, which usually means in ongoing editorially driven narratives that he'll be back... eventually. But for now though, they have the ultimate question of who was that delivery, including a large cache of super villain weapons and a killer robot, meant for.<br />
<br />
However, I can't help but view this less as a battle against a villain than as an obstacle du jour to be overcome. Amazo basically comes across as simply being the wind up murder toy this issue needs to occupy its heroes for the length of the issue. He doesn't have any clear objective other than, "destroy, destroy!" I'm not saying that a arch villain shouldn't utilize catspaws and underlings to carry out their aims, but Amazo is such a tabula rasa within the context of the story who doesn't even seem like he was a deliberate choice, but just an all purpose bad guy who popped out of the random villain generator. Our heroes could have been hitting a weeble for 22 pages, for all the impact Amazo has on the narrative.<br />
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Elsewhere, Black Mask is on the line with his supplier, presumably trying to get a refund or replacement for his order. However, the Amazon Customer Service Rep is being less than helpful. Granted, it's hard to justify re-crediting a buyer when the merchandise in questions has been stolen and/or destroyed, but it isn't as though Black Mask was culpable. Surely they had the tracking number, undoubtedly. They should know that he is not liable for the loss.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHCcYHLG83_c2aMQfio_NDHcSv9jKz_HLU2kQ0QwnDVsDu5k2BQ_1M5q0DBTJ6e0xbWPdiBcfQBR8Kc5nSbXj0cLnCTXLIsStMef6m0cdhdOuC4zZSH082JQqwcsFngKT83ih6c50vLEo/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHCcYHLG83_c2aMQfio_NDHcSv9jKz_HLU2kQ0QwnDVsDu5k2BQ_1M5q0DBTJ6e0xbWPdiBcfQBR8Kc5nSbXj0cLnCTXLIsStMef6m0cdhdOuC4zZSH082JQqwcsFngKT83ih6c50vLEo/s400/06.JPG" width="258" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Supply and demand's a bitch, ain't it?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This all-too-familiar exercise in frustration is cut short when Black Mask gets a call from who else but the fly in seemingly everyone's ointment, Red Hood. This is such a clever reversal from the first scene, where we saw Mask being affable and patronizing of Mister Freeze as he conducted a business transaction, but is now on the receiving end of Hood who is being snarky and confident, knowing that he holds all the cards. And in these last few moments, we find out about something else Masky was expecting in that shipment that is absolutely a game changer: an entire shipping crate of kryptonite.<br />
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As I stated earlier, this isn't exactly a plot intensive installment in the story. If you pick up this issue hoping for heavy character work or a story that keeps you guessing, this isn't going to satisfy you. However, if you were looking for an issue that is a one big, fun extended fight scene that shows off just why Batman is a force to be reckoned with, this is exactly what you've been looking for.<br />
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Next week, we'll be checking in with Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur again. It's getting really hairy in that book. Thanks in no small part to the number of cave men in the story.<br />
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-2611322462395162242016-09-14T09:00:00.000-07:002016-09-14T09:00:05.216-07:00Past the Expiration Date: Beta<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsiC_JRZgIxe-0SRsre8wF61Vc0015ZceIefmm8Yo1v1d3nH5vRMpi8Z_EAmXr_xY1pK5YyYW67OSMOSvZG__BjifKJiQhk9VxRREZnpcpNaH4LubfGjT7m79Mt1nio0LVHZdO6oHGS7Y/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsiC_JRZgIxe-0SRsre8wF61Vc0015ZceIefmm8Yo1v1d3nH5vRMpi8Z_EAmXr_xY1pK5YyYW67OSMOSvZG__BjifKJiQhk9VxRREZnpcpNaH4LubfGjT7m79Mt1nio0LVHZdO6oHGS7Y/s400/00.JPG" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know you thought we reached our apex of bad <i>X-Men TAS </i>episodes back when I covered Jubilee's Fairy Tale Theatre... and suddenly I wish I'd make a joke about Shelly Duvall in that one. Sigh. Life is always so much clearer in hindsight. Alas. However, it is only the tip of the iceberg. Many people accuse it of being the outright worst entry in the series, but I would argue that it is simply the most remarkable of the bad episodes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In "The Fifth Horseman," the show runners were probably blitzed and tosses together a bunch of elements from the comics that aren't strong enough to form their own distinct plots then merges them together in ways that don't make sense. The basic premise is that Beast is taking Jubilee on an educational trip to Latin America where they foil a plot to revive Apocalypse.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Before I continue, however, I feel like we need to ask ourselves an important question that will perhaps guide us through this experience: how does a writer adapt years and years of storylines and characterization into easily digestible 20 minute episodes? When adapting a comic like X-Men into mostly stand-alone episodes, you would think that the ethos would be to distill the essence of the story you're trying to tell into something that can be easily digested in a half-hour's viewing. "The Fifth Horseman" takes quite a different approach, as we shall see. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">After the opening credits, we are introduced Caliban, a former Morlock (not that he'd ever appeared in the series before now) and now a Horseman of Apocalypse. Instead of working with other Horsemen though he is working with Ahab's Hounds. The hounds are from one of the X-Men's many dark futures, Days of Future Past. They are mutants enslaved by humanity because their particular abilities make them ideal tracker/hunters for mutants. living outside of captivity. There is no reason to make these guys henchmen of Apocalypse except that their character designs are more or less uniform and less complicated than the actual Horsemen. </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVd0OIUom7C3FIyMhOWON74EiIOyVT9yRKCbBPEMUgh73Xx7rLw7Dv1fcDm5OaJdfnkN61pwDiCDV9L0jLTeCT9rbYCzc1jtGUdArMYFetsE4XOrCJW_BB0yaXNNPkvpfyR4vmO-D6Xbg/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVd0OIUom7C3FIyMhOWON74EiIOyVT9yRKCbBPEMUgh73Xx7rLw7Dv1fcDm5OaJdfnkN61pwDiCDV9L0jLTeCT9rbYCzc1jtGUdArMYFetsE4XOrCJW_BB0yaXNNPkvpfyR4vmO-D6Xbg/s320/03.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Trick or Treat! Give me your soul!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Also, this just might be a matter of taste, but the less conventionally human a character in this series is, the more likely they will look like butt-ugly nightmare fuel with the budget cut animation of these last episodes. Caliban's face looks more like a kindergartener's "spooky" Halloween mask than a fully believable face, albeit even that of someone with a physical mutation. Of course having light up irises and blackened out whites of the eyes isn't helping on that front. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The episode isn't even a full minute in and we can already see that the writers don't know how to adapt the material. Perhaps the writers had forgotten that the rest of the Horsemen were still on the proverbial chess board. Perhaps they knew the show's number was up and didn't want their character design for the Hounds to go to waste. Regardless of motive, the result is that this feels like a story cobbled together from the scraps of other stories. </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsmw_db_sZN-gHrakStTmPYKvOZHKg4dr1gF32qv031-k1wumZrmiWglUmbUlgOfmdathGdxjuH3enfoHRsvQoX_D8mOVOvgmend0HJjICUMU6RbR6BEir8oNE-AaXNQ8LYyO1WMMfdcc/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsmw_db_sZN-gHrakStTmPYKvOZHKg4dr1gF32qv031-k1wumZrmiWglUmbUlgOfmdathGdxjuH3enfoHRsvQoX_D8mOVOvgmend0HJjICUMU6RbR6BEir8oNE-AaXNQ8LYyO1WMMfdcc/s320/02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Recruited from the same leatherbar as Trollverine.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Hounds themselves are pretty nondescript and in the future I probably won't be citing them much as individual characters, but just to prove I did the assignment... one is big and either hunchbacked or has muscles on his muscles on his muscles, making his head look lower than his neck. The other two are both dollar store knock offs of Green Lantern. The female uses hers to form energy boomerangs while the male (who has pretty decent mutton chops) uses an energy whip. I'll be shocked hereafter if I refer to any of them individually moving forward. They might as well all be joined at the hips for all the individuality they're given. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">They are tracking down a boy who is intended to be a sacrifice, but he manages to escape. Have I mentioned Caliban's primary ability is tracking? As in he can actually sense the presence of other mutants? He had one job...</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn97pipwt__6vJAK2k84YEesu7oaW25z7_Sgstehqs9e43EDWxRvbKTwzc8qu-m14-Dywm3otX76uKrsurBTS7qPJypuQh6pBPZXJIz1Et4K1KlRqvM6aGsGmqGfeoiiCbEuLOD0H5o-c/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn97pipwt__6vJAK2k84YEesu7oaW25z7_Sgstehqs9e43EDWxRvbKTwzc8qu-m14-Dywm3otX76uKrsurBTS7qPJypuQh6pBPZXJIz1Et4K1KlRqvM6aGsGmqGfeoiiCbEuLOD0H5o-c/s320/04.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They stole the set design from Yogurt's Temple in <i>Spaceballs</i>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This comes as quite a setback to Caliban's master, Apocal-- Fabian Cortez?! Um, okay, yeah, Cortez, who is communicating with his beloved master Apocalypse who is now a floating extra-dimensional ghost head in an Incan temple. Yeah, again this episode is just throwing elements that have nothing to do with each other in. Of course, you could make the argument that the series was forever doing that with Mystique except for the fact that they were forever addressing the fact that her sense of allegiance was sticky to say the least. Instead, this just feels like the writers were playing X-Men Mad Libs and accidentally submitted it for production. Either that or they were limited to voice actors who they could afford on their newly limited budget and they were determined to fit Fabian Cortez into an Apocalypse story somehow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We then cut to the pre-Columbian temple that serves as villain HQ in this episode. Cortez and the Apoca-head exposit that they needed that mutant boy for a ritual sacrifice at a specific time (a Celestial alignment, natch). Cortez needs to find Apocalypse a new mutant, who has to be particularly powerful, in order to fit their needs. Oh, and Apoca-head gives a very threatening "don't fail me again" before he fades away. But what kind of threat can be given by an incorporeal head floating in an ether of nothingness? It's about on par with when a parent tells their kids to behave because Santa's watching. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1L6rEIirtpzm5aSRBEbpjXcShcNMdLKHcW2OaXqYs20rFTzT4hKIO6tjd-3HUG0CqabxKZTpdrfTny03sbkfFjGgxNGDcgSm8XJ2jFD_HUbY1YLE1Va-I5f0IYl7i3Px-sdxuz9kj9o/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1L6rEIirtpzm5aSRBEbpjXcShcNMdLKHcW2OaXqYs20rFTzT4hKIO6tjd-3HUG0CqabxKZTpdrfTny03sbkfFjGgxNGDcgSm8XJ2jFD_HUbY1YLE1Va-I5f0IYl7i3Px-sdxuz9kj9o/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Worth all those Nobel Prize snubs over the years.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Elsewhere, Beast is parked outside a shop waiting for Jubilee to get some supplies for the their trip. It's one of those rare episodes in which in lieu of his usual blue X-briefs, he has opted to actually be fully dressed, decked out like he's going on safari. He's also wearing thick glasses in this episode so that they don't have to take the extra time to animate his eyes. Jubilee comes out of the shop with a box of groceries and I right away it becomes obvious that she is once again off-model. And I mean from the previous episode. This cheap animation studio cannot maintain a sense of consistency from episode to episode. Jubilee has purchased a little gift for Hank in the store: a "World's Best Teacher" mug. Oh, I'm sure that all the grocery stores in South America are always fully stocked with "World's Best Teacher" mugs. In English. Again, in the Peruvian Andes. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOIEpMsWHFEUd-UOqsZFNGN9V_m5JBw0PoxFP1rneFcHNAyW42yakTAyjTXTAgpM3u3CX9NEGn7Krg5TUH3utyoC-JKYzYnNrB0sFcF5bAVNXM8qrYBv7Vdkb79wOqAt7r0e24fhvLER8/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOIEpMsWHFEUd-UOqsZFNGN9V_m5JBw0PoxFP1rneFcHNAyW42yakTAyjTXTAgpM3u3CX9NEGn7Krg5TUH3utyoC-JKYzYnNrB0sFcF5bAVNXM8qrYBv7Vdkb79wOqAt7r0e24fhvLER8/s320/06.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This totally feeds into Cortez' pre-existing god complex.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Back at Club Cortez, Caliban returns empty handed. Just to demonstrate his rage, he uses his powers to remove the enhancements that apparently he gave Caliban, reducing him from a big, roided out behemoth into a wormy looking little green guy. Okay, backstory time. Cortez has the ability to supe up other characters existing powers. As I said, Caliban is a mutant tracker, so how they thought they could use Cortez to explain his big Horseman form is amusingly stupid. This is the sort of mental gymnastics that has to happen when a series kills off its biggest antagonist a season and a half before it goes off the air. Having proven his point, he restores Caliban and orders him to seek out another mutant powerful enough to house Apocalypse's essence. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Meanwhile, Hank and Jubilee go from excellent adventure to bogus journey when due to a lack of a roadmap, Beast apparently loses the ability to see their surroundings (see what happens when they forget to animate your eyes?) and nearly drives their jeep off a cliff. They continue on foot and go immediately to a rope bridge across a waterfall. Okay, I guess we can Allan Quartermain/Indiana Jones/Scrooge McDuck to the list of things this episode is throwing at the wall to see what sticks. I love that in their line of work, they don't even question how strangely convenient to find a rope bridge <i>literally </i>right next to them. Between his book smarts and her street smarts, there is not one genre savvy bone betweeen them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Something about Jubilee's voice triggers Caliban's mutant detecting powers... and it also triggers some flashbacks of some <i>much </i>better animation of Jubilee. Although that seems to be for the audience's benefit (apparently the animators either thought we were stupid or saw it as 72 fewer frames to animate), as Caliban will later be shocked to discover who it is he has found. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Despite being lost and clearly nowhere near what few cellphone towers existed in 1997, Beast is more focused on sussing out the origins of the temple. Despite having a lot of surface-level Incan indicators, upon closer inspection it's Mayan. He also has to dispel the notion in Jubilee's head that the Mayans were cannibalistic murderers. Sigh, the problem with having Jubilee being the only student-aged member of the cast is that she makes the education offered at Xavier's look incredibly under-achieving. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe that's why so many X-Men become part of the teaching staff. They don't have any real-world skills. In the comics, you see them teaching things like temporal mechanics, quantum biophysics, aerial combat, and outer space survival skills [sidebar, the Jean Grey School's courses are listed on www.Marvel.com/jeangreyschool. Kitty Pryde taught a course called "Ethics 101: Forgetting Everything You Ever Learned From Emma Frost, and it's probably my favorite of the lot. Meanwhile, Gambit teaching sex ed is undoubtedly, objectively the worst.]. Seriously, the only one who could survive a normal 9-5, is Iceman, who somehow ended up with a fairly "average Joe" degree in accounting. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That little "the more you know" moment feels a little out of place, even when it's coming out of human text book Hank McCoy's lips. By that token the fact that Jubilee is familiar with ancient Meso American cultures at all sounds a bit suspect. Still, that little bit of info counts as the episode's educational lesson, such as it is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Beast's translation of a Mayan stele (because of course in addition to <i>everything </i>else he knows, we can add ancient Mayan) culminates in the realization that the temple was consecrated to Apocalypse, then as if on cue the Hounds attack. </span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoSriPannh4ZzjpuLL0K2nCRK6GB8QvJW4dpFvbSjRPNFbHP0bUuQhjuGQY1OmK5zN5fi0untaA9-6-F7-gjrip8zeG_ZpAJOro0u4VK6IddBXnUg6RZS7suxkTOTdUWJ1M6vKDy5W1Cw/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoSriPannh4ZzjpuLL0K2nCRK6GB8QvJW4dpFvbSjRPNFbHP0bUuQhjuGQY1OmK5zN5fi0untaA9-6-F7-gjrip8zeG_ZpAJOro0u4VK6IddBXnUg6RZS7suxkTOTdUWJ1M6vKDy5W1Cw/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yup. These guys are totally typical of modern Peru. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Much to Caliban's chagrin, he recognizes his quarry as Jubilee, with whom we are inferred has a standing relationship. I'm just going to assume that they definitely played extended sessions of gin rummy or something off-screen somewhere whenever there was a Morlock episode. He saves her from falling down the waterfall after one of the Hounds breaks the rope bridge. This seems to be framed as altruism, but he's just keeping the new Apoca-bod from getting ruined. With Jubilee captured and Beast in tow, he leads our protagonists to the Temple of Apocalypse... or the other one, since they were apparently already at <i>a </i>Temple of Apocalypse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Oh, and we scored the jackpot! Behold the Apocalypse cultists. I'm dying here. I love when Americans try and fail to respectfully depicts other cultures. Believe it or not, modern Peruvians do not dress like pre-Columbian Incans... not even pre-Columbian Incans with Apoca-lips.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOMPRJSARER_2OKeVVn6OYx1_hjXIAAlrXiS3AeoS4OjaKosKPc2HRIMtq1iFNp4T74miH4pel7vAoh_BegM_LcnKt-RH0RNDmQGxnNzuUJ4z_N3LG3-5PiB4MOHV12b4vT6v9NrddJmg/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOMPRJSARER_2OKeVVn6OYx1_hjXIAAlrXiS3AeoS4OjaKosKPc2HRIMtq1iFNp4T74miH4pel7vAoh_BegM_LcnKt-RH0RNDmQGxnNzuUJ4z_N3LG3-5PiB4MOHV12b4vT6v9NrddJmg/s320/08.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">CaveBeast gets hella shoulder pads. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cortez uses his powers on Beast to turn him into a hyped up feral version of his existing powers, causing him to grow much larger, bursting through his clothing... except for his shorts because Standards and Practices would not be cool with exposing young viewers to Dr. McCoy's big blue butt. Again, how do Cortez' abilities work? Somehow, making Beast even more apishly bestial involved making him grow big blue spikes along with back and forearms. Well, it was the 90's. Spikes were totally in vogue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is chilling and it would be cool if cruel, impenetrable logic didn't have to keep rearing it's ugly head. Cortez' powers are to amp up a mutant's existing abilities, which in Hank McCoy's case don't include a funny feral temperament. Was Wolverine originally supposed to be in this episode? 'Cause that would have made a lot more sense. However, does imply that Apocalypse granted him this new power, granting the ability to turn people into roided up primitives seems pretty dubious. How would you control them? Why do the Hounds all look like they only got the muscle treatment? This makes no sense. Oh, and like I was saying about being able to control the primitives? Yeah, uberBeast just goes bounding off and Cortez couldn't give any fewer fucks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He is only too happy to retreat to the bowels of the temple where he can report to Apocalypse that everything has been fixed and collect his brownie points. Caliban interrupts the seance, which ticks Cortez off. He suggests that maybe he can find a different mutant to be Apocalypse's vessel, which only serves to aggravate him further and accuses Caliban of... well, from the tone it sounds like an accusation of betrayal, but the actual spoken text could easily be replaced with simply being accused of "being a decent person." In short, no. Caliban doesn't get a third go at recruiting a victim. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Later that night, CaveBeast is leaping about until he arrives at their jeep. Even for an amped up Beast, it's fairly impressive that he managed to leap across that waterfall. And that's when I notice that even in ripped up khaki shorts, still he sports his x-belt buckle. Granted in the animated series, the X-belts/badges function as communicators, but they are a hemisphere away. My guess is that it's his security blanket. He totals the car, flipping it over and knocking out its contents, then finds a picture of the team, the new (and now-broken) World's Best Teacher mug, and a polaroid of him and Jubilee. Well that triggered something in his primal brain, so he bounds off into the night. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPPNTc14yMJVagoWMWkIQBSQiJTWqIvCYe4h0tj9ptUIkShWk0ErTj8wcjd_ysBr-8YeIukfStCAZDAYhumQ7_uEHGDuUgGcTtQNbJrX5orBKr1Y6UuV-aoB4wQtiI5r9z-oj73yBXJk/s1600/09+is+jubilee+off+model+AGAIN.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTPPNTc14yMJVagoWMWkIQBSQiJTWqIvCYe4h0tj9ptUIkShWk0ErTj8wcjd_ysBr-8YeIukfStCAZDAYhumQ7_uEHGDuUgGcTtQNbJrX5orBKr1Y6UuV-aoB4wQtiI5r9z-oj73yBXJk/s320/09+is+jubilee+off+model+AGAIN.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm still not comfortable with the new animation's <br />obsession with giving Jubes cleavage.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The following day there are three planets (asteroids?) hovering in front of the sun, meaning the Celestial alignment is at hand and thus it is Apocalypse O'clock! The hounds bring forth Jubilee, who is now dressed in Mayan garb, including a feather headdress. And it dawns on me that this is the third episode in a row in which Jubilee ends up in a ridiculous outfit. Cortez conducts the ritual while Jubilee pleads to Caliban, reaching his better angels. Caliban pleads to take him in Jubilee's place, but Cortez scoffs at the notion, and makes some really racist remarks about Caliban being a Morlock. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9nhpoQumHAgbe0-e8Oa9lvcvCumxk53vh8qnX2OVPcBP59DLoCN7GHbe9p6XLULZp_LvqRlwPW0TJan0b4s3P76wkH9-4T8gipnACvweHUi3Sh8Jh8_m7ESNhQTZw-FnbktCHD4qAO1c/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9nhpoQumHAgbe0-e8Oa9lvcvCumxk53vh8qnX2OVPcBP59DLoCN7GHbe9p6XLULZp_LvqRlwPW0TJan0b4s3P76wkH9-4T8gipnACvweHUi3Sh8Jh8_m7ESNhQTZw-FnbktCHD4qAO1c/s320/10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because insulting your hired muscles' family right before<br />an critical event always goes well...</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Did the writer not understand that Morlocks are just mutants who tend to have physical mutations or otherwise are denied passing privilege and have abjured mainstream society? Granted, elitism and sycophantic behavior sound like they'd go hand in hand with racism, but this really sounds like episode doesn't quite grasp what the Morlocks are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, badmouthing the Morlocks seems to be the straw that breaks the camels back and he strikes against Cortez, only to be subdued by the Hounds. Cortez disempowers Caliban, turning him back into the mousy little guy he truly is. This is yet another aspect of Cortez's newly revised power set in this episode that I don't buy in the episode. Ignoring the fact that I don't know how Apocalypse managed to subject him to his Celestial technology to grant him the new powers, I'm not buying this on/off switch kind of transformative power. On a physical level, there are questions to be asked about this ability to create the mass that is added to/subtracted from Caliban and the hounds when he transforms them. More to the point, I don't buy it in the story because it makes the story feel a bit too pat. If Caliban had been a series regular and this had been a story about his temptation, removing the gift would have basically been like his personal reset button for the next episode.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF5uyQtlIZasps3nBAD_mjeTrZYEDRM_YxpZ-Sjt8fsTZ343jxo8ulhMWZU2H2lEad_Z0hp5hNsfKKfNqxD4yGOs5VTdPqkvSre2wcogn5KjhEaDvzOKfZjZvFGuJxV67MHWpLVxS55MI/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF5uyQtlIZasps3nBAD_mjeTrZYEDRM_YxpZ-Sjt8fsTZ343jxo8ulhMWZU2H2lEad_Z0hp5hNsfKKfNqxD4yGOs5VTdPqkvSre2wcogn5KjhEaDvzOKfZjZvFGuJxV67MHWpLVxS55MI/s320/11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Floating around like Glinda the Good.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The temple starts to shake as Cortez preaches the glory of <strike>he who walks behind the rows</strike> Apocalypse. A green swirling portal appears with Apocalypse on the other side. Cortez offers him Jubilee, but just then we have an attack from a wild were-badger/CaveBeast. While they are busy contending with the big, spiky blue behemoth, Caliban uses the distraction to unstrap Jubilee from the sacrificial altar. Remember what I said about Cortez' powers acting as a reset button? Yeah, he resets Beast back to standard issue. Man, does this episode have absolutely zero consequences. CaveBeast's entrance includes busting up all the pillars in the joint, which were apparently all weight-bearing. This causes the temple to cave in on itself, because in addition to copying off <i>Temple of Doom</i> this episode had to crib a little off of <i>The Last Crusade. </i>Everyone manages to escape except for Cortez. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2CLAV6RVBq9hoNbjj5i5azPc6LELZstKa11HF0pVGYU9r8G18Qe_LU84oASSKr5O3q8yEHvLHfYgEf3j9KDcpdd4HMg2Jm4kAq1x-Dv8ipbkJYvrmIdxAD0-opmjeBhUfJg2ugFL3AY/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp2CLAV6RVBq9hoNbjj5i5azPc6LELZstKa11HF0pVGYU9r8G18Qe_LU84oASSKr5O3q8yEHvLHfYgEf3j9KDcpdd4HMg2Jm4kAq1x-Dv8ipbkJYvrmIdxAD0-opmjeBhUfJg2ugFL3AY/s320/12.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's Johnny!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Outside, Jubilee assuages Caliban's sense of guilt over having been a party to the events of the episode by reminding him that his better nature prevailed in the end, and convinces him to go with them back to New York. Of course, we'll never hear from or of Caliban again in the series, so a fat lot of no consequences on that front, either. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIIvhWBpf1T5UD_ZnBLQHRjjT0Ge3lrNfy44iIoJzHFUFD7biOoQcQAeARov8_bfdqHWs5_mYguxG-YP49DLl-SQfg6pZQ7sQmcc8fA6TwuIIwTWXGOvFPWyWN9WiuDpw7yXRr0Zehojw/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIIvhWBpf1T5UD_ZnBLQHRjjT0Ge3lrNfy44iIoJzHFUFD7biOoQcQAeARov8_bfdqHWs5_mYguxG-YP49DLl-SQfg6pZQ7sQmcc8fA6TwuIIwTWXGOvFPWyWN9WiuDpw7yXRr0Zehojw/s320/13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't sexual at all...</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Back in the now caved-in temple, Cortez apologizes to his benefactor that he has no powerful mutant to offer up as his vessel, but Apocalypse is a glass half full guy, considering Cortez is pretty damn powerful in his own right. His essence enters Cortez (paging Dr. Freud) and instantly transforms into a fully incarnated Apocalypse. He stares directly into the "camera" and laughs menacingly as we fade to black. Oh, what portentous story arc does this presage? None. We neither see no hear from Apocalypse again for the duration of the series. Such a fucking waste. </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuNhS5su0-PSXskdzXELYhqZY_xfV544AiLLrUiScRhJdwi6o-VNLFkBpmEfWZIVkX6WuCK5_Uw9jGGtuR8M9A21vtypkx0aRFIBfwk6XtHogZuNKzNORJEqo2mcVpKvTXpuIl65Y-i3w/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuNhS5su0-PSXskdzXELYhqZY_xfV544AiLLrUiScRhJdwi6o-VNLFkBpmEfWZIVkX6WuCK5_Uw9jGGtuR8M9A21vtypkx0aRFIBfwk6XtHogZuNKzNORJEqo2mcVpKvTXpuIl65Y-i3w/s320/14.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Worst "Oh-face" ever. </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As bad an episode as "Jubilee's Fairy Tale Theater" is, it's still amusing in it's failures. And it realizes that it's a light and fluffy palette cleanser of a diversion. "The Fifth Horseman" fails on a number of levels. It is a plot element loaf with characters from very disparate corners of the X-Men universe jury rigged together with very little rhyme or reason. It hinges upon a prior relationship that the show retcons into existence in order to propel Caliban's arc and thus the viewer has no reason to feel invested when the show comes across as making shit up on the fly. There is no investment in our antagonist either, since he is neither as nuanced as Magneto or Mystique, nor as imposing as Apocalypse himself, or as scene-chewingly delightful as Mr. Sinister. He's just some jerk. I think the greatest sin of all is that nothing that happens in this episode has any weight behind it. Jubilee's abduction, Caliban's compliance with evil, Beast's transformation, they all get resolved in under the span of 20 minutes, including opening and closing credits, without we the viewers learning anything new about our main characters and not enough about our focal character. The events just unfold and then then are never remarked upon again. Not even the the return of Apocalypse gets any follow up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">When it comes down to brass tacks however, the quintessential failure of this episode is that if you remove the character names, it becomes apparent that this really isn't an X-Men story. It's a story out of a pulp dark fantasy/adventure story from the 1930's that had some X-Men force into it. Not that throwing these characters into something out of Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E Howard, or HP Lovecraft can't work, but the story has nothing to do with them the mutant metaphor, or the X-Men's extended metaphor of found family and community. This isn't even their story on a narrative level. Jubilee gets damseled pretty damn quickly in this story and Beast is effectively a cave troll. This episode is about Caliban discovering his own sense of agency. But he's such a thinly characterized depiction of the Caliban from the comics that again, he could have easily been <i>any</i> character from the X-Men's past, let alone one who had to be retconned in because the writers forgot to include him in any of the previous Morlock episodes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This feels less like an episode of X-Men than it feels like proof that writers, voice actors, and animators earned a paycheck in between "Jubilee's Fairy Tale Theatre" and our next episode. And speaking of episodes that don't feel like <i>X-Men </i>stories, the next time I cover <i>X-men TAS, </i>I hope you like WWII era Captain America because Wolverine is having flashbacks in "Old Soldiers." Next week, however, we're headed back to the mean streets of Gotham as I continue covering <i>Batman: Under the Red Hood.</i></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-19348658781570548112016-09-07T15:44:00.000-07:002016-09-07T15:44:10.446-07:00Attack of the Fifty Foot Onomatopoeia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekorYKT6hwpD4zdoXmXDqbrLPJbRJF6hXEXsHbg3iLBfevkTYUTljU-97JyJu7vmUdQmhV8qK8JMfeXkDEFyzqC2xnPTPBKR4B8hF3yF4PXn7Yth8Jght6jBcO8LyuVZxqIn8BvsLTh0/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjekorYKT6hwpD4zdoXmXDqbrLPJbRJF6hXEXsHbg3iLBfevkTYUTljU-97JyJu7vmUdQmhV8qK8JMfeXkDEFyzqC2xnPTPBKR4B8hF3yF4PXn7Yth8Jght6jBcO8LyuVZxqIn8BvsLTh0/s640/00.JPG" width="411" /></a></div>
This might just be my inner 10-year-old, but everything about T-Rexes is amazing. [Sidenote: I turned 10 in the Summer of 1993 when <i>Jurrassic Park</i> first premiered, so I felt that way quite actively at the time.] I'm back in Marvel territory covering issue #2 of <i>Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaurs</i>, and readers trust me when I tell you this book is a delight.<br />
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Brief recap on Devil Dinosaur. He's from a prehistoric world called the Valley of Flame, which, depending on the era of publication, is either the past of the main timeline, an alternate reality, or a faraway planet. He's a mutant T-Rex with red skin, augmented size, strength, and intelligence, and fiery red eyes that actually look pretty amazing.<br />
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Brief Recap on Moon Girl. Lunella Lafayette is a hyper-intelligent 9-year-old girl living in Manhattan. She has trouble connecting with her parents or with anyone at school, but the latter is mitigated by the fact that she has been applying and re-applying to the various schools for super geniuses in the Marvel Universe. Her other important goal in life is to find a way to get rid of or nullify the effects of the Terrigen cloud out of concern for her well-being.<br />
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Last issue, while using her newly-invented Kree detector, Lunella found a strange glowing orb she determined to be a Kree Omni-Wave Projector, which created a portal in the middle of the school yard when her gym teacher decided to be an ass. Meanwhile, in the Valley of Flame, Devil Dinosaur and his caveboy constant companion Moon Boy battle the evil tribe of cavemen, the Killer Folk, and manage to capture their mystical totem, the Nightstone in the process. <i>Quelle coincidence</i>! It is a dead ringer for Lunella's Omni-Wave Projector! The Killer Folk manage to beat him within an inch of his life trying to get it back before it vanishes only to be replaced by the other side of the portal opened in present day Manhattan. The Killer Folk head into it in search after their Nightstone, and Devil Dinosaur enters in hot pursuit after Moon Boy asks to be avenged with his presumably dying words. Arriving in Lunella's schoolyard, Devil Dinosaur chases the Killer Folk and they flee to the subway. Devil Dinosaur managed to sniff out Lunella's plot relevance and takes her by the backpack as he wanders out into the streets of New York.<br />
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And now you're caught up. For a fairly simple story, there is already a lot of weird minutiae involved. Just wait and see if we ever find out this thing's history because the Omni-Wave Projector goes back deep. For now however, let's see where Devil Dinosaur was headed...<br />
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Lunella, rightfully, question whether or not this is really happening as DD stomps his way through the crowded streets of Manhattan. I have to admit I'm impressed that in her panic she has held on tight to her Kree Omni-Wave Projector (hereafter: KOWP). I'm a little confused because the first couple panels of the issue depict things from Lunella's line of vision and you can clearly make out two sets of fingers on either side of her glasses. How the hell did she manage to cling tight to that thing? My guess is that she has a low level anti-gravity device built into her swatch watch.<br />
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This peaceful, if whiny, trek through the city comes to a grinding halt however when he is assaulted by sound effects! Sound effects with police officers attached! It's actually pretty wonderful how much the use of sound effects plays out as a visual component of the storytelling in this sequence. The use of onomatopoeia has fallen out of popularity in the past couple decades as comics have skewed more towards dour realism, but the way they interact with the panel can range anywhere from madcap to unsettling.<br />
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Fortunately, this is an all ages story, so we get mainly wacky hijinks sound effects as DD crunches the hood of one car under his foot and his tail sends another crashing into a fire hydrant. With the car sirens running, guns shooting, water gushing, and every one of DD's own movements causing a rumble all their own, it becomes a cacophony of noises that even drown out the word balloons. Since DD is functionally a mute character, it's a great way of demonstrating his POV.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2TejsH-E3wT0QF9AXtgsIwfagjlzirojoQt4mDGgPaJ3-k9Kx71LNtqu40JtXjKGKfSRr60tSBGDd9opCKxVS3YEAgClR1WYU69ngyPlUk5-KxMJlfmjwtCb3mXuDzVkgLfPptq_w70/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="486" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI2TejsH-E3wT0QF9AXtgsIwfagjlzirojoQt4mDGgPaJ3-k9Kx71LNtqu40JtXjKGKfSRr60tSBGDd9opCKxVS3YEAgClR1WYU69ngyPlUk5-KxMJlfmjwtCb3mXuDzVkgLfPptq_w70/s640/01.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As someone with attention deficit, this entire page speaks to me.</td></tr>
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I know that in the past couple years, police departments across the US have been under deep scrutiny because of various very legitimate claims of abuse of power, particularly toward the African American community, but in a such a fun and apolitical book like this, I can't help but believe that these police officers shooting at Devil Dinosaur when he has a young girl of color dangling from his incisors was not intended as social commentary, particularly because the officers are black and latina, respectively. Instead, I'm arriving at the conclusion that this book functions heavily on the notion that adults are useless and/or incompetent. Five minutes in Lunella's POV makes that painfully apparent.<br />
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To get his attention, Lunella has to grab a remote control golden snitch out of her bag. Again, she is keeping that KOWP from falling from superior thigh strength or something. And no, I wasn't exaggerating. It pretty much is a golden snitch. It's a little, golden flying insect. And the remote control looks like Good thing she guessed that theropods aren't color blind because the shiny thing makes all the other sensory stimuli vanish. Congratulations, Lunella. You have mastered the art of the dangling carrot technique.<br />
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Again, her inner monologue shows a bit of a disconnect from the action at hand, albeit less so than last issue's instance. She's analyzing the scientific problem, yes, but the immediacy of being suspended in the air with only a dinosaur's tooth separating her from a long fall seems to be helping her stay grounded in what needs to be done in the moment. Of course, summing it up as "I have to get rid of the big, red lamebrain," does not help endear me toward her.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaCqQIpt7bVrVUd_nLYuqCNupUBD1m09JlMN18lf_dL6DPSWxf2QtD2Umjgk5EFEB8mp57wIMMnmLHhlZ0_ihknpejtVdv6wGF4HLeWeRJA7McEpi8iy0nAKQk7-ANQJwcgILycp_53hI/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaCqQIpt7bVrVUd_nLYuqCNupUBD1m09JlMN18lf_dL6DPSWxf2QtD2Umjgk5EFEB8mp57wIMMnmLHhlZ0_ihknpejtVdv6wGF4HLeWeRJA7McEpi8iy0nAKQk7-ANQJwcgILycp_53hI/s320/02.JPG" width="286" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That;s using your head, DD.</td></tr>
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However, the impromptu planning session goes flies out the door when the KOWP slips out of her arms and she reaches to save it in a big swooping gesture, only to completely forget about the remote control. It falls to the ground with a "drop" sound effect. The snitch dies in the air and DD seems to regain his focus, as though the snitch had a hypnotic effect on him. And he is did not wake up on the right side of the bed because he lets out a roar (without dropping the girl hanging, so acknowledge the skills) and goes on a combination rampage/battering ram session as he plows his way through street lights, cars, mailboxes, and buildings, using his big old noggin.<br />
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Meanwhile, the Killer Folk are down in the NYC Subway-- at Yancy Street Station, to be precise. Again, that's another continuity gem ridden in the rough of this story which neither of our protagonists are at all aware of and won't get paid off until next time, so I won't spoil the surprise just yet. From the shadows, Thorn-Teeth, Gurf, Rachacha, Tharg, and Thok (your guess is as good as mine which one is which) observe the world they now find themselves in: the language, the clothes, the exchange of money for goods and services, etc.<br />
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Then we are treated to a page-long argument, but whereas last issue their language was translated for the reader's benefit, now we sit through a page of the writer's made up language accompanied by some <i>wild </i>gesticulations. It's like when an idiot finds themselves confronted with someone who doesn't speak English so they start shouting all their words, saying them slowly and making huge motions, as though one could break the language barrier by sheer force of will. I seem to remember Jackie Chan's character in Shanghai Noon attempting this relentlessly with a tribe of Native Americans. Their solution was peyote. No, it didn't solve the language gap, but at least he shut up.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjymuwFuQzjlMH616WnKOh6VrZknUtsmZaXmkfuUrkae13Dn_VQflDN4c6PLC9IdfAId__Fx1N1D51dAAkZXFc4fWEYnuZ845x4Y3GsrdrFFKqoCQilArUsieBr8rUV6TQnriikJQcITs/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjymuwFuQzjlMH616WnKOh6VrZknUtsmZaXmkfuUrkae13Dn_VQflDN4c6PLC9IdfAId__Fx1N1D51dAAkZXFc4fWEYnuZ845x4Y3GsrdrFFKqoCQilArUsieBr8rUV6TQnriikJQcITs/s1600/03.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The more he gestures, the less we understand.</td></tr>
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You get the impression that none of the Killer Folk who made it through the portal represent their traditional leadership, and now there is a bit of a struggle for command as they try to settle course of action to take. They do all commit to a plan and launch an assault on the unsuspecting commuters and we hear them uttering a few words of English.<br />
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I think the intent in the writing is that we are supposed to be shocked that a bunch of <i>Homo Habiles </i>are already picking up modern speech in what could have only been an hour or two at most, but I'm honestly kind of shocked that in the cultural melting pot that is Manhattan Island, they miraculously managed to only overhear anglophones. English makes up only 51% of the languages spoken in New York, so the fact that we don't have a weird mashup of English, Chinese, Hindi, and Russian seems like a longshot granted by the nature of the medium.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhitfVR64gCc6vAj7o-EmIQhYvSDkWKy4IorbM-fxcW5K_T6YtU-0-B7g-M4WPPhwdCgFwonHbx2vkZaUQFoobMkSBr7NGVOJ-F-pRip4bdx_diiJhXVwnF_rzFII1AkWPv1gRGL8DC60c/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhitfVR64gCc6vAj7o-EmIQhYvSDkWKy4IorbM-fxcW5K_T6YtU-0-B7g-M4WPPhwdCgFwonHbx2vkZaUQFoobMkSBr7NGVOJ-F-pRip4bdx_diiJhXVwnF_rzFII1AkWPv1gRGL8DC60c/s320/04.JPG" width="303" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They got swagger. </td></tr>
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Improbable foreign language immersion aside, the next thing we see, it's night and the Killer Folk come up from out of the subway, now bedizened in contemporary apparel, albeit not always worn appropriately. One of them has a necktie around his neck while another is wearing a wrist watch around his bicep. It's worth applauding the fact that the artist resisted the temptation to put the one female member of the contingent in gender specific clothes. After all, it's likely that these guys aren't even all that high up in their world's food chain, so I suspect the concept of a socially constructed gender binary and its relation to apparel is a bit beyond their understanding. Of course, the fact that the token girl is wearing a purse for a hat should make that perfectly clear in far fewer words.<br />
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Meanwhile, under a bridge (it's where all the cool mutant T-Rexes hang out these days), Lunella and Devil Dinosaur seem to be squabbling over the KOWP. Lunella seems to have pieced together that DD has near human sentience because she's actually talking to him rationally. Neither one of them is holding the KOWP and it seems to be the crux of their fighting. She just wants to go home, but he is not letting the KOWP out of his sight.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Fk36SE77GqZD0KNOqW057Pf2ZTs_8oIlJTHHxJaKurJo5YRmbDieTROE84NjMbZ2r7rHyfsdErcpE4MV6shg1ZIAfBKprhIeh_a0BKFulX23tklhTXJ_9A-G328CvXWmV8YLu5UrrSg/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Fk36SE77GqZD0KNOqW057Pf2ZTs_8oIlJTHHxJaKurJo5YRmbDieTROE84NjMbZ2r7rHyfsdErcpE4MV6shg1ZIAfBKprhIeh_a0BKFulX23tklhTXJ_9A-G328CvXWmV8YLu5UrrSg/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sad DD is the most huggable DD.</td></tr>
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Now, I know I'm going to be saying this a lot in my coverage of this title, but Devil Dinosaur's expressions are adorable. Yes, the giant carnivore is cuter than the little girl. The one panel that particularly hit home was when Lunella accuses him of not knowing what it's like to have a family to go home to when we the reader know that DD lost the only family he's ever had minutes before arriving in our world. His eyes go from their usual fiery appearance to small and low as he looks down at her and grumbles "Rr-roo..." And my heart just goes out to this poor soul. I suppose it's only fair to acknowledge that I kind of hate humanity with a vengeance right now (I keep reminding myself that the election season is almost over), so I'll invariably relate to the plight of a sad animal over a human being in a heartbeat.<br />
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Of course, Lunella has her motivations as well. She explains that she needs it to somehow prevent the Terrigen cloud hovering in the atmosphere from eventually infecting and transforming her. Apparently, she has somehow deduced that she has the Inhuman gene.<br />
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I don't know which subsequent question this raises to be more interested in. Is the existence of the Inhumans now so common knowledge to the general populace that they now have access to self-administered tests to detect their Inhuman heritage? Am I right in understanding that neither of her parents tested positive for the gene? It's already a recessive gene to begin with so I'm starting to wonder why. Of course, we could later discover that they aren't her birth parents, but this wouldn't be the first instance of the family member of a newly activated Inhuman not being Inhuman too, such as Ms Marvel's brother Aamir, whose body rejected it either because he's a latent mutant or he prayed it away/has denial issues.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLQ5cr02NUoFUJK1szqxNWnzOFWaEq55fw432h5fH-uoWqe1YvU7Zc65ct23USSaTHePvqx6CQh2zJ86Gy95Zj8UQzRTZgGBSujnTXN8KxKOgXWEhjJzglyYsb7MUasyOA_bPEb5EYKY4/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLQ5cr02NUoFUJK1szqxNWnzOFWaEq55fw432h5fH-uoWqe1YvU7Zc65ct23USSaTHePvqx6CQh2zJ86Gy95Zj8UQzRTZgGBSujnTXN8KxKOgXWEhjJzglyYsb7MUasyOA_bPEb5EYKY4/s320/06.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Dumb dog, why are you following me?<br />I ain't got a crumb, dog. How about letting me be?"</td></tr>
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Devil Dinosaur does finally let her go with the KOWP in hand unimpeded. He does try following her, but it's adorable how she treats him like a dog she found, telling him "No! Stay!" Of course, being a dutiful T-Rex, he looks pretty dejected that his new friend his giving him the brush off. I think it's only fair to acknowledge that Lunella is kind of awful, but in ways that feel very much in keeping with being a nine-year-old <i>and</i> a child genius. She is so used to thinking she is always the smartest person in the room that she is frequently (unintentionally) belittling to those around her, but we are only on issue #2 on what I hope will be a very long run, so this is a good place to start and give her room to grow as a person. Despite her pronounced lack of people skills, she does have the wherewithal to thank him for not eating her.<br />
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Of course, she's not out of his line of vision before we hear her shouting and getting cut off mid-sentence. Concerned, Devil Dinosaur searches high and low for her, including under a truck under a dumpster, and up in the moon. Okay, You know how I said he has quasi-human intelligence? Maybe it's mitigated by the fact that people are getting stupider these days. His IQ must adjust to the median human intelligence whenever he's transported to the modern day. Yes, that's just head canon to explain his hunting prowess. He's a goddamn T-Rex for crying out loud, the girl isn't going to be under a dumpster. Of course, the more I think about the part with the moon, that was probably a moment of Devil Dinosaur remembering another friend he lost just recently and having a moment of quiet reflection.<br />
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Not to far away, we see what has befallen Lunella as she is in the clutches of the Killer Folk, who have procured an even better grasp on the English language, as well as some police equipment, having recently gotten the jump on some of New York's finest. Okay, I can understand a couple of cops being no match for a T-Rex, but a bunch of cavemen about the size of 3rd-grader? Wow, even for a world full of super beings, these cops fail to measure up.<br />
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This book continues to be a charming romp of a book. While there are no actual "deal breaker" problems with it, I do feel it's only fair to acknowledge that it does some acrobatics in order to achieve some of its ends, primarily the Killer Folk learning English in an afternoon, but otherwise this book has components that I think of as classic Marvel. One of our leads is effectively a misunderstood monster with a heart of gold and the other is a super genius as out of step in the modern day as the dinosaur is. Throwing them together and allowing for that push and pull between them brings something to the table that feels both timeless and fresh and I'm very much enjoying where this title is going. </div>
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-25193812234260125222016-08-31T17:20:00.000-07:002016-08-31T17:20:04.143-07:00There's always room for Dick<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A normal Tuesday in Gotham...</td></tr>
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I vaguely recall the trade paperback of <i>Batman</i>: <i>A Death in the Family</i> being capped with the introduction of Tim Drake, who insists that Batman needs a Robin in order to keep him from getting too dark and crossing moral lines he oughtn't. On that note, <i>Batman </i>issue #636 opens up with Batman hanging a mook upside down.<br />
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Oh, I guess I ought to supply some context. Today we are returning to the pages of <i>Batman </i>with issue #636, the second installment of the "Under the Red Hood" story arc. We have mostly the same creative team returning, with Judd Winick writing, Doug Mahnke on pencils, Tom Nguyen on inks, colors by Alex Sinclair, and this time Pat Brosseau providing lettering. Additionally, the cover art was provided by Matt Wagner.<br />
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Once again, the art is amazing on the cover, even if I do have some problem with the proportions and perspective. He is dominating one half of the page, Facing and pointing his handgun directly at the reader. The other side of the page features Batman's cowl affixed to the wall with a knife. Below we see the sub-heading "The KING of Gotham City!"<br />
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It's striking to say the least, but I can't help but wonder if this is supposed to be seen from the point of view of someone with depth perception issues. The wall is supposed to be behind Black Mask and yet the cowl actually about as close as Black Mask. In fact the cowl looks larger than his own head. Also, his body language is a little off. He seems to be slouching his shoulders, which are at an odd angle, or maybe leaning over with his elbow tucked back but his forearm cheating forward so that it is facing smack center of the page. I can't help but feel like the artistic direction of this cover was changed mid-stream. The arm feels like a hastily inserted afterthought and Batman's cowl feels like an idea that could have been better on a different cover, but here is a bit of a square peg in a round hole.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheFWy6PaPAeb5d_4mM9FbIOuxF5GC6SQQ6Yfq-Ou0QzBORYymguv0PCygbg2Fu5c47rTl706hW1jRxV_XXwjF_FQQN33mQFzU1-zPwoC1KIjuKxgVxzxHP4OVPgpR31rRTQ1MkfFbEh5U/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheFWy6PaPAeb5d_4mM9FbIOuxF5GC6SQQ6Yfq-Ou0QzBORYymguv0PCygbg2Fu5c47rTl706hW1jRxV_XXwjF_FQQN33mQFzU1-zPwoC1KIjuKxgVxzxHP4OVPgpR31rRTQ1MkfFbEh5U/s400/00.JPG" width="261" /></a>My biggest problem with the cover however, is that in general I believe that a cover ought to offer the reader a hint at what they are going to see inside a given issue. Yes, Black Mask appears in this issue, but there is no confrontation between Batman and Black Mask. In fact, he very much takes a back seat in this issue. His scene is more or less limited to a discussion with his office manager. Not exactly the most engaging of scenarios, understandably. Considering what other fun things this issue has going on (Batman teaming up with an old friend, a thrilling chase scene, Mr. Freeze-related hijinks), the fact that this cover very falsely advertises what's in store feels like a misdirect and a bit of a cheat.<br />
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If you'll recall from last time we checked in on this arc, Batman got into a hissy fit after the events of <i>War Games</i> and kicked every one of his associates out of the Bat Cave and put a moratorium on costumed vigilantes other than himself in Gotham. Oh, <i>and </i>some foreign company bought out the R&D department, cutting off Batman's access to all those wonderful toys. Factor in the fact that a mysterious new figure styling himself as the Red Hood is currently muscling in on current kingpin of crime, Black Mask's territory and Masky has sought out the assistance of chaos gamer-turned-villain, Mr. Freeze to rectify the problem and Batman might have a few problems on his hands.<br />
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But like I said before, Batman works alone.<br />
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Once he is done playing a rousing game of human yo-yo with our nameless mook, he dwells on this newly-reasserted solitude. However, being Batman and having a chronic tendency to sublimate anything resembling affection by doubling down on being a Type-A personality, a pathological strategist, and frequent paranoid (it could seriously be argued that he's as effective as he is <i>because </i>of these three traits), he instead focuses on how exiling Barbara Gordon from the Batcave from Batcave is a blow to the operation, but one he finds necessary since he no longer finds he can trust his close-knit network of costumed crime fighters.<br />
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I've only read 2/3 of the preceding story arc, <i>War Games</i> story, but I can tell you it does hinge on a severe breech of trust by one of his allies... that was arguably instigated by Batman denying trust in the first place. It's also a story where Batman pushes his cohorts to the breaking point, particularly Barbara, so I wouldn't be surprised if things were said that couldn't be easily taken back, though presumably will by the next company wide crossover event.<br />
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Despite how impersonally he frames it, focusing on Barbara, who still has a larger role as a hero independently of Batman or even the Gotham vigilante scene in general. Whereas, Tim Drake and Cassandra Cain, the current Robin and Batgirl, respectively, both have closer ties to the operation. They were both trained by Batman before they took their mantles (Barbara's Batgirl tenure was far more independent), were explicitly trained to operate in tandem and subordinate to Batman in the field, and have costumed identities that are inherently tethered to the iconography and mythology of Batman.<br />
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Although, Batman's inner monologue focuses only on what her absence means to his crime fighting. Because thinking about what it means to have alienated a long-time friend would mean having to deal with emotions and Batman really sucks at them, especially when he can't contextualize them in terms of the mission.<br />
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However, Barbara Gordon feels like the right fit for him to focus on because while Tim is probably a more central role as Robin, Barbara has a longer history with Batman, is the only one to have truly suffered loss on account of being part of the heroism machine and managed to come back stronger for it. (Prior to the New 52) Contemporary DC has a much better track record than Marvel about letting its Golden and Silver Age teen characters mature into adulthood and Barbara is about on par with Dick Grayson. No, she slightly edges him out. For not only does Batman acknowledge her as a peer, but she makes him acknowledge him as an equal. I guess that's the benefit of fighting alongside Batman all these years without being ward/adoptive child/primary protege/all of the above. You get to come into your own on your own terms without dealing with Bruce's senior partner/junior partner bullshit.<br />
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Now that I have gone off on a Barbara Gordon tangent (it probably won't be the last time on this blog), I really need to get this ship back on course. Like Batman said before. He works alone.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Understatement: Batman kind of has the tunnel vision thing going on.</td></tr>
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Oh, wait. Did I say he works alone? Yeah, apparently I was just joshing you because apparently, Dick Grayson is exempt from Batman's injunction. There's always room for Dick. He's like Jell-o, that way. He's in his guise as Nightwing, with a knee brace on from injuries sustained during <i>War Games</i>.<br />
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He's clearly trying to reach out to Bruce, not Batman, but Batman turns the most neutral of weather-related small talk into a reason to talk about the criminal element. Dick comments how easily Bruce made the connection between "warm night" and crime, but he has the wherewithal not to point out that his former legal guardian tends to retreat even further than usual into the Batman persona when confronted with trauma and complicated negative emotions. <br />
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Both in-universe and from a publication stand-point, Dick has always been a presence who serves to soften Batman's more off-putting traits. He was expressly introduced with the intent to make Batman less intimidating and get more kids reading. Tim was onto something when he said that Batman needs Robin because Dick set a good precedent of Batman's sidekicks being the ones who keep him from getting too dark. Tim was something of a morality pet, Jason was a lost soul in need of saving, Damian tends to accomplish it by completely inverting the dynamic, but Dick Grayson was the Boy Wonder who kept things light He moreso than the other Robins would be the one prone to crack wise and pun during their adventures. He defuses something in Batman that doesn't necessarily make him lighter in tone, but does make him ever so slightly less of a hardass.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3kyZ5tkckPJrG2qd-T4mjVGFtXPQhsbwQC9zEsm3dkQwQwlkUsiLhuXuYp45H0J8QJxWJB8BKgIdvSO9-mPZjxkV7LhTzbKE18bIns6ZoRuFRHGULs3o-jYu9BuU9IsM0ewAfYHLeD-E/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3kyZ5tkckPJrG2qd-T4mjVGFtXPQhsbwQC9zEsm3dkQwQwlkUsiLhuXuYp45H0J8QJxWJB8BKgIdvSO9-mPZjxkV7LhTzbKE18bIns6ZoRuFRHGULs3o-jYu9BuU9IsM0ewAfYHLeD-E/s320/03.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just like old times...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Batman acknowledges that Dick is here to check in on his emotional well-being, but doesn't vocalize thanks or rejection of his presence. Instead, he tells Nightwing he's working a case and won't stop him if he comes along. As they swing away on grappling hooks, Batman makes a slight joke (and a reversal of their initial dialogue, but when Dick expresses his amusement, Batman tells him to cork it, and he immediately responds "yes, sir." Remember when I mentioned that Babs generally does a better job at making Batman acknowledge her as an equal. Yeah, immediately falling into the big brother/little brother dynamic is probably why he generally has to move to a different major metropolitan area in order to assert his autonomy.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsyZ3gx5chPzRtWdK_c7n435ilRgzKAqvJjfzKvMjLraxhZwsUfTnH4lu7A70apwad9HdiUp2DBYcj-V5ZAP9nHxfjDkBZPT6xXWDuFlwQ1DIKllwtudk8f64CobiNRpYrXLvm0vyzv8/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIsyZ3gx5chPzRtWdK_c7n435ilRgzKAqvJjfzKvMjLraxhZwsUfTnH4lu7A70apwad9HdiUp2DBYcj-V5ZAP9nHxfjDkBZPT6xXWDuFlwQ1DIKllwtudk8f64CobiNRpYrXLvm0vyzv8/s320/04.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sassy office banter can only lead to one thing...</td></tr>
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Across town in the Black Mask's headquarters at Hanover Tower, the lab tech assigned to equipping Mister Freeze with a new cryo-suit makes the mistake of insulting Freeze's intelligence when he expressed concerns about how thin the armor feels. And while his reaction to the unintended insult is humorous, it is also telegraphed to the reader that this nameless tech is not long for this world.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPb7GctZmeLBEBPpugBFNDOmLgkaqE_jX9W99gzPysDjCGNXlG4cA8bM2u13fErhFMowDVOYrCVXG00mw4DJy6MfXD_XlZKC5XD0YFcD_v9KRK6i-MkKnDUXBW9-aKHhO7HB0Zyo3440w/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPb7GctZmeLBEBPpugBFNDOmLgkaqE_jX9W99gzPysDjCGNXlG4cA8bM2u13fErhFMowDVOYrCVXG00mw4DJy6MfXD_XlZKC5XD0YFcD_v9KRK6i-MkKnDUXBW9-aKHhO7HB0Zyo3440w/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That being casual murder. </td></tr>
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Sure enough, while the scene cuts to the other room where Black Mask and his number two guy, David Li, hash out the pros and cons of keeping a volatile psychotic (who has a tendency towards indiscriminatory destruction) in their employ when they are interrupted with word that Freeze has killed the lab tech. He stabbed him right in the chest with his own tool (soldering iron? sonic screwdriver?). And he isn't the first. As far as I can tell, this can't have been too long since the previous issue, maybe a day or two. How many can he have gone through?<br />
<br />
Mask is amused by this, and calls him "spunky." He's already defending the hiring of an undoubtedly unstable element, citing that Freeze brings down destruction on all sides of him and that includes them, but I think Black Mask is only half listening to him because while he acknowledges that Freeze is a problem, they just need to make sure he is someone else's problem. Of course, you can't fault him for not listening to what Li says, considering he doesn't have ears, as far as I can tell.<br />
<br />
I feel like this is Winick's attempt at infusing some humor into the book, but there are some tone issues here that don't quite work. Especially considering just in the previous arc, Black Mask pretty graphically tortured and killed a member of the Bat Family, depicting him as this riff on Dr. Evil complete with a silly plan and unmanageable henchmen seems like a really poor fit.<br />
<br />
Li isn't too pleased with this, but also has some information on the new thorn in their side in the red helmet. It almost seems like this is when we're going to check in on our C plot, but instead we check back in with the Bat and the Bird on a docked cargo ship at the harbor, who are easily taking down a small contingent on armed goons in riot gear, interrupting their delivery. Batman's narration tells us something big was coming. Sure enough, it does look like it's about four square meters. I don't know what it is about that crate that makes me wish it was a velociraptor in there, but my knowledge of narrative convention in the DC universe makes me fairly certain it's not. So anything in there can only be a disappointment.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBjFchK2IXusfKymI6XpZi8SJkGF9ptNwKXywM8Hxr-2RpHbpjjauW-vaIF5Foc4sWVkqeiHKUhPhqbO_h_2Q7UARBo0N3DnkLSzSmNiEqZ3gTflS2XgTjrFmrTEsyXFWaosF7ToNH-ZE/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBjFchK2IXusfKymI6XpZi8SJkGF9ptNwKXywM8Hxr-2RpHbpjjauW-vaIF5Foc4sWVkqeiHKUhPhqbO_h_2Q7UARBo0N3DnkLSzSmNiEqZ3gTflS2XgTjrFmrTEsyXFWaosF7ToNH-ZE/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Batman might be my spirit animal.</td></tr>
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This is the one section in which we get some of Batman's more personal internal monologue. You get the sense of not just camaraderie with Nightwing but kinship. Dick was the only Robin (before Damian, anyway) that Batman treated not only as a protege but also a surrogate son/younger sibling. He has seen Dick grow up, and certainly molded him into the man he is today. Whenever the the two have a latter-day team-up, there is a certain magic in the atmosphere, seeing just how well they click together. It must be magic even for Batman because even he gets the twinge of the nostalgic, thinking back to yo<br />
<br />
Sidenote: Like Oracle, Nightwing grew up to be one of the linchpins of the DCU, albeit instead of IT prowess, his is due to his ability to form lasting friendships and loyalties. Ma and Pa Grayson must have really taught young Dick how to be a person because he sure didn't pick that up from the brooding Batman or the delightfully sardonic Alfred.<br />
<br />
Once all the goons are either knocked out and/or hogtied with gatling wire, they get the crate to the ground and sadly I'm horrible at eyeing up measurements because this thing barely comes up to his waist. My guess is that it it shrunk because having had multiple jobs that involve loading and unloading things on pallets I knew what the dimensions are and they are not lining up. Oh! New theory! This box was <i>inside</i> the box on the pallet. It's like a Russian nesting doll.<br />
<br />
Inside they find a vast array of multiple supervillains' accoutrements. Dick jokes about having some new trophies for the cave (actually, that's probably not a joke, just him chattering to make up for Batman's lack of chatter) when suddenly a "BREEEEEEEN' comes from the crate and they know what time it is: Get the hell out of Dodge time! A bomb planted in the crate blows the cargo ship up just in time for them to reach the safety of the dock, wet, albeit unharmed.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSRQJnRc-oXaLQ3bEEJU49YV0jwp6ZYe1F99k7qf-Z52rvcYSX9xJKKFDVOyTJnDoxGeMen4MNCLuue69p-dwqtOrDCyyChzhZOKpGZyVxYN7ppcp3gJzmlByN4yyADYZseVWgOG9TTQ/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="279" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSRQJnRc-oXaLQ3bEEJU49YV0jwp6ZYe1F99k7qf-Z52rvcYSX9xJKKFDVOyTJnDoxGeMen4MNCLuue69p-dwqtOrDCyyChzhZOKpGZyVxYN7ppcp3gJzmlByN4yyADYZseVWgOG9TTQ/s320/08.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cue the Benny Hill Theme!</td></tr>
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It seems that the bomb wasn't something they triggered it was set off remotely by a figure whom Batman spots on a nearby warehouse rooftop.<br />
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And the art makes no bones about who the star of this issue is. Red Hood is absolutely gangbusters in this scene. Without him having a line of dialogue, the sense of movement and dynamism in his depiction. At one point we see him do a somersault that is downright Kirbyesque. It makes me really feel like this is someone a cut above the usual costumed crook. Also, the Kirby approach to depicting movement shows in a single panel all the nuances of a character's movement by using partially rendered figures for each motion, almost the way <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhdOye7lnnKb_weipMLOhcJMHFKdd19ryEYdGAePKEIjj1io_OAJcdqT41mL19aArG-ns-4SLGg7F29dVmgg1mxpQSMphk67FVBbPXYwYpNEc1FtiY8Gp15VVcO-271YzoBPTLlTr6oTw/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="127" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhdOye7lnnKb_weipMLOhcJMHFKdd19ryEYdGAePKEIjj1io_OAJcdqT41mL19aArG-ns-4SLGg7F29dVmgg1mxpQSMphk67FVBbPXYwYpNEc1FtiY8Gp15VVcO-271YzoBPTLlTr6oTw/s320/11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Simone Biles level skill</td></tr>
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They grappling hook their way up there and begin a wild goose chase over the rooftops of Gotham. Just like the flash forward fight sequence from last time, the chase itself gives the reader a chance to see Red Hood in action. But whereas last time, it was very combat specific, this time we see him in motion. He's acrobatic, and a natural at navigating the rooftops of Gotham, even managing to prevent Batman from snagging him with a batarang snare by slicing the cord before it manages to go taut. Something about him is <i>very </i>familiar to Batman.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwc35lM_7_MxBnYWAAHRbjIHCte_nR3rV0XMWCuqw6Y4009SGaA5jpNeenGcMwKFjNMGsRu-Waq3a4B7upoRQJ98IAw3MQOPcHibJSql3aaTWazTlADkP4I7LwaRRwzejtPX8Ph42x_B8/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwc35lM_7_MxBnYWAAHRbjIHCte_nR3rV0XMWCuqw6Y4009SGaA5jpNeenGcMwKFjNMGsRu-Waq3a4B7upoRQJ98IAw3MQOPcHibJSql3aaTWazTlADkP4I7LwaRRwzejtPX8Ph42x_B8/s320/09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Red Hood is a B.A.M.F.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Sidebar: the script has the word "taught" instead of "taut." Let that be a lesson to you kids, Spellcheck is your friend, but even friends let you do stupid things if it sounds okay on paper.<br />
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They ultimately track Red Hood down crashing down through the overhead windows of a warehouse. Do warehouses actually have overhead windows or is this just a convention of the medium? I will make allowances for Rule of Cool because I know how impressive it looks when heroes descend upon us from above, but I just want to know what to expect if I ever find myself exploring a warehouse.<br />
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It's dark inside, but only for a moment until the lights flicker on and Batman and Nightwing find themselves face to face with the real delivery they wanted to obstruct. Except it seems Red Hood has already taken Black Mask's new toy out of the box and wound it up, leaving our heroes to deal with Amazo.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVf5iYdAnGiHjnePDvoJNNgzLBu2W_QrVjf3Fdg9FhipvGysMT3Guq76dplAsMea5Pb5Lf2F1BLHfKGrZFIyPocdf3A9eEBi5xMfM58FGSATWqc1mxyTVsumTQBMcMZA08-w_qx63LAM/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVf5iYdAnGiHjnePDvoJNNgzLBu2W_QrVjf3Fdg9FhipvGysMT3Guq76dplAsMea5Pb5Lf2F1BLHfKGrZFIyPocdf3A9eEBi5xMfM58FGSATWqc1mxyTVsumTQBMcMZA08-w_qx63LAM/s320/10.JPG" width="263" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did you know steroids work on Androids?<br />#TheMoreYouKnow</td></tr>
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If Amazo sounds like a very stupid Silver Age name, that's because you have ears and taste. Amazo doesn't really do the character justice, but on the other hand there isn't much to him either. Amazo is an android. Visually, at least in this instance, he resembles Namor the Submariner if he were a 'roided up gym rat. What he's capable is pretty much something that you saw a lot of super teams face in the Silver Age. He's the character who can take on the powers of an entire team of powered superheroes, forcing the team to get creative and show some ingenuity, demonstrating how a group can use their powers in creative ways in order to win the day. However, in case I didn't make it clear, he possesses the super-powered abilities of seven Justice League members. And Batman and Nightwing, highly trained and skilled or not, are baseline humans. This might be a little beyond their ken at the moment. And that's where the issue draws to a close.<br />
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So, now that we are two issues in, I'm noticing that this is well written, but a fairly light meal. Maybe it's because I'm typically drawn to very character driven narratives, but I'm not getting a sense of a lot to really sink my teeth into. Granted, usually what I mean by "sink my teeth into" generally means either "deconstruct and analyze" or "heckle mercilessly."<br />
<br />
I guess it's part of the problem with decompressed story telling and a protagonist who goes the extra mile to compartmentalize, but I do find it troubling that even when we are in Batman's perspective, he is still a bit <i>too </i>emotionally detached for us to connect with. I think there is a strong temptation when writing Batman to make him just unrealistically adept at all things. I do like this that tendency, but only when it is mitigated by one of two things: The first is to play up the argument that Batman's perfectionist tendencies might be the by-product of being a bit of a psychiatric case. The second would be to show a contrast between what he says and how he acts. One of the narrative functions unique to comics is the ability to line up thoughts and deeds next to each other and create a more nuanced understanding of the character.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj41YEsXjI7FlIZu6-yxroawPaKOXaiDgTLlpHRZTqeo-Nn3PvIRGHP1QTqTnBOijIgfOxebxv2sqAmzhRBphWHlzz3ON_cGyMyiCnIjZlr4zqjhCnHkHXyTFaZiu7xDrTb3F2nGhP99DQ/s1600/Moon_Girl_and_Devil_Dinosaur_Vol_1_2_Textless.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj41YEsXjI7FlIZu6-yxroawPaKOXaiDgTLlpHRZTqeo-Nn3PvIRGHP1QTqTnBOijIgfOxebxv2sqAmzhRBphWHlzz3ON_cGyMyiCnIjZlr4zqjhCnHkHXyTFaZiu7xDrTb3F2nGhP99DQ/s320/Moon_Girl_and_Devil_Dinosaur_Vol_1_2_Textless.jpg" width="210" /></a>The Black Mask and Mr. Freeze story is coming along, but for such significant threats, the writing doesn't seems to be certain whether they are serious or comedic foes. Yes, Mr. Freeze kills at a hat drop, but the fact that Black Mask thinks it's a hoot. I'm all for having fun, comical villains, but I question whether this was the authorial intent. Or whether it earns its place in the narrative. They're not here to move their sub-plot along, just to remind you it exists. I'm honestly wondering how much of their scene we could cut without losing any narrative cohesion. My guess is quite a lot.<br />
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Overall, this issue keeps the ball rolling from last issue, albeit slowly. The story definitely took things up a notch with Red Hood, which I am all for. Last issue we saw how he one-ups the criminals, this time we saw just what a wild goose chase he can give our heroes. He's shaping into quite a classic trickster god figure, like Loki, or Hermes, or Malcolm Reynolds.<br />
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Next week, we're heading back to Marvel for another installment of mutant dinosaurs, evil cavemen, and girl geniuses in the pages of Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur.<br />
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<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-27541812211175763392016-08-17T19:42:00.000-07:002016-08-17T19:42:43.237-07:00Past the X-Piration Date: AlphaGather round, kiddies. Let me tell you of a time when the Avengers were just barely members of Marvel's third tier titles and the X-Men ruled the mother-f#%&ing world. In 1992, with two main X-Men titles and no fewer than four ongoing concurrent spin-off titles (nowadays, that is considered a very lean X-line, but back then it was massive), the X-Men summarily crushed any other comic book property that hoped to compete with them. And this hegemony over the known universe reached its zenith when the X-Men finally made their way into people's living rooms with X-Men The Animated Series.<br />
<br />
Based around the cast of the then-newly launched "adjectiveless" X-Men volume 2, it subbed out Psylocke (for reasons that probably included racial/cultural iffiness and having a backstory that could actually be explained in a 23 minute runtime without a flow chart) for Storm and Jean Grey and it was the best damn thing! Filled with many different, interesting, compelling characters both as protagonists and antagonists, it presented young viewers with a show that mirrored the vexed sociological minefield of real life and actively combined blatantly progressive social attitudes with kicking all sorts of ass with powers that made you both a wonder and an outcast. Being a nerdy little gayboy who on some level already could tell he wasn't quite in step with those around him, I imprinted on the X-Men for life. Yes, they were the greatest thing ever.<br />
<br />
That is until they weren't. About halfway through season 4 they had a four-part epic called "Beyond Good and Evil" that could have easily been a capstone to an excellent series. And yet it continued. Nothing else in season four ever managed to match that amazing high point. And probably against common wisdom, they continued on for one last season after that.<br />
<br />
Now, to be fair, their final season starts out more or less well. However, after the first half of the season, the show started to plummet like a stone. Of course, it probably didn't help that they started it off with a guest character and antagonist who very much demonstrate just how far the animators' reach surpassed their grasp: Warlock and the Phalanx.<br />
<br />
The two-part story itself, "The Phalanx," is actually fairly challenging and intriguing for a young mind. It's a story in which the Phalanx (which narratively is a rough merging of the actual Phalanx and the Technarchy) goes about attempting to assimilate the entire earth. In the process, all the X-Men save for Beast is captured. He meets up with the renegade heir apparent of the Phalanx, Warlock, and together the two basically have a life-or-death roadtrip trying to stay one step ahead of the Phalanx and making some unlikely alliances along the way.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnB8Ayk3vL7GVkwRDffc9DfgrXBhEhXqhOIsbttwwsXLqApVzeY_EQZTBOffAAONWhOByiQVM24kCl2OmCAo-xmfclNygMCMnW_bJkfWETX6PMHTJFmQtUQA3eQunFhyphenhyphenKvUaumXavZLes/s1600/01-c+warlock.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnB8Ayk3vL7GVkwRDffc9DfgrXBhEhXqhOIsbttwwsXLqApVzeY_EQZTBOffAAONWhOByiQVM24kCl2OmCAo-xmfclNygMCMnW_bJkfWETX6PMHTJFmQtUQA3eQunFhyphenhyphenKvUaumXavZLes/s320/01-c+warlock.JPG" width="126" /></a>And we arrive at why this story fails just so damn hard. Warlock and the Phalanx are techno-organic life forms. Warlock has always been depicted as physically very fluid being, constantly shifting form from panel to panel. The various circuits and mechanical bits that comprise him always in motion. He's less of a solid being than he is a metamorphic creature willed into roughly anthropomorphic shape. Granted, this Warlock <i>can</i> shapeshift like his comic book counterpart does, but he only does it as necessary. Moreover, his standard humanoid form, is incredibly static. The Phalanx is slightly better, but that's mainly because as the villains they can do weird and creepy things, unlike our guest-protagonist Warlock.<br />
<br />
In some odd ways, the Phalanx have affects that seem like the story adapters were fond of <i>Star Trek</i>'s Borg and Changelings. At one point the Phalanx literally say "resistance is futile." Resistance to what, you might ask? Why resistance to joining the Phalanx collective by merging into the big blob of Phalanx. This is best illustrated with Warlock's lifemate, who was forcibly absorbed into the collective prior to the start of the story. For the record, Warlock's lifemate an invention of the cartoon and he is largely depicted as asexual... unless you count his mergings with Doug Ramsey... up until <i>very </i>recently in continuity, at least 30 years after his initial appearance.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCyW_DGbSxzhfgAXI7NlmWVt_2Emab5dqvxA92rBMInMuc8gXW-tbaIxOSF8hY1qIpr2x73Jtbcf0P2OVw2X0JiJAoq4cvBXtjzZrFTr43YNuAiAlK77hIFkkhKyTrh6C5j_rsPwQFhJ4/s1600/Warlock%2527s_Life_Mate_%2528Earth-92131%2529_from_X-Men-_The_Animated_Series_Season_5_1_002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCyW_DGbSxzhfgAXI7NlmWVt_2Emab5dqvxA92rBMInMuc8gXW-tbaIxOSF8hY1qIpr2x73Jtbcf0P2OVw2X0JiJAoq4cvBXtjzZrFTr43YNuAiAlK77hIFkkhKyTrh6C5j_rsPwQFhJ4/s320/Warlock%2527s_Life_Mate_%2528Earth-92131%2529_from_X-Men-_The_Animated_Series_Season_5_1_002.jpg" width="320" /></a>The funny thing about his lifemate though is that as an individual Warlock's lifemate seems coded as traditionally female. I kind of want to point out the oddity that a race of basically living circuitry has a gender binary, except that I keep referring the Warlock as "he," so I guess I don't have a leg to stand on. Once absorbed into the Phalanx however her default form becomes something that I feel fairly certain must be referencing, but I have no idea what. It strikes me as one of those Easter eggs Marvel animators would put in for the savvy viewer, but your guess is as good as mine.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK91lSbaOfweHedBM8kztLiZMZQzrn10XUdPkz-h6cbK7vQHFSnRuHgL3mvcPcXFlEqd9b4_FfmPBbytgghRh0gJJhSr6pdAappqVViq-4A1o-F4VYBbmCh9PozhFIS84soqbMsOPB5bk/s1600/01-a+Wolverine%2527s+new+mask.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK91lSbaOfweHedBM8kztLiZMZQzrn10XUdPkz-h6cbK7vQHFSnRuHgL3mvcPcXFlEqd9b4_FfmPBbytgghRh0gJJhSr6pdAappqVViq-4A1o-F4VYBbmCh9PozhFIS84soqbMsOPB5bk/s320/01-a+Wolverine%2527s+new+mask.JPG" width="320" /></a>One last nugget before we move on to the rest of the season. Early in the episode, the Phalanx implant themselves in the form of Sabretooth, who allows himself to get captured. Wolverine goes down to the cells to confront his adversary and that's when you notice the colorists just giving up on trying to find where Wolverine's uniform ends and his face begins. Yeah. That goes all the way up to his lips. He swallowed the zipper.<br />
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In "A Deal With the Devil," the animation is still relatively okay, but you'll notice that Storm will generally either have her hair in a ponytail or in a submersible uniform. Yeah, this was a shortcut the animators used <u>a lot</u> toward the end of the season. Having her hair pulled back and less vibrant and luscious meant that the animators didn't need to worry about animating all those loose flowing locks. To be fair, though, the art is not why this episode sucks. For that, look no further than the fact that it's trying to make Omega Red happen. It's not going to happen, Marvel. Note that he is effectively a Cold War Era villain... who was first introduced in 1992. For any younglings out there, ask Dr. Internet when the Berlin Wall fell. Yeah, Omega Red isn't a compelling villain in his best moments, but he bears the additional sin of being a villain without a purpose. In a series where all of its heroes and villains all stand for something greater than themselves, he's obsolete from the starting gate.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdeoLUZ0aBiZTYfg88CdHq8hcqrWK021H88UXwhAcl_qDzsBCbQDHTCgoLMPMKsfybmUqi2DIk2puCZbUT1kTH68uZIfOkQ8psGaaiDAk7d1gVjcnZoPwTmJnZ48JeZ0KFA4nHJhUkos/s1600/no+mutant+is+an+island2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdeoLUZ0aBiZTYfg88CdHq8hcqrWK021H88UXwhAcl_qDzsBCbQDHTCgoLMPMKsfybmUqi2DIk2puCZbUT1kTH68uZIfOkQ8psGaaiDAk7d1gVjcnZoPwTmJnZ48JeZ0KFA4nHJhUkos/s320/no+mutant+is+an+island2.JPG" width="320" /></a>Next is "No Mutant Is An Island." It was <i>supposed </i>to air during Season 3 between the two Phoenix arcs. However the animation was so bad that they backburnered it and it wasn't for another two years before they both had it fixed and had room in their schedule for it. It's... fine. It's not all that great an episode, but for the standards of X-Men TAS it is presentable. In this one, a grieving Cyclops quits the team and goes to the orphanage he grew up in for... reasons... and rescues four of its current residents when they are adopted by the Purple Man as part of a nefarious plot. Those four orphans are Taki Matsuya (technopath), Tabitha Smith (energy-based "timebomb" creation), Skids (personal force field), and Rusty Collins (pyrokinetic), all members of the short-lived X-Terminators, the latter three later joined the New Mutants, and Tabitha Smith even has been on various incarnations of X-Force. Of course, the animators sided with recognition rather than common sense. In 1996, they have Boom Boom dressed like she just got back from see Tiffany and/or Debbie Gibson live on tour (hint: she looks like the 80s incarnate). Meanwhile, Taki, who is not a superhero, apparently wears casual apparel that would do Flash Gordon or the Rocketeer proud.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilc2mUZuoyeCLx3lZO8JuQWwoClAKA5nCVWuONCquffSRiB6We9Spu0ala_U-WdGcu4hDZmIWFTp02DCUbywVi-o7eToJhcQ1BtnPW5l37W9CWiWiphpHWIG-gWyEI2Emp27JPR6tubh0/s1600/no+mutant+is+an+island1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilc2mUZuoyeCLx3lZO8JuQWwoClAKA5nCVWuONCquffSRiB6We9Spu0ala_U-WdGcu4hDZmIWFTp02DCUbywVi-o7eToJhcQ1BtnPW5l37W9CWiWiphpHWIG-gWyEI2Emp27JPR6tubh0/s320/no+mutant+is+an+island1.JPG" width="320" /></a>So, hilariously, at one point Scott attempts to gain the young Rusty's trust by demonstrating his abilities. He shifts left to right to see if anyone's looking, then instead of doing something small like simply shooting at the ground nearby he fires off a huge blast at an abandoned building. That's the X-Men's master strategist for you. Instead of embracing discretion, he does something that not only <i>must have</i> drawn people's attention but also could have caused a building to collapse and potentially fall on both him and Rusty. Nice going, Cyke.<br />
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The Purple Man is an odd choice for a villain, considering this story is begging for Mr. Sinister and Purple Man has no ties to the X-books, as far as I'm aware.<br />
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Not much else to say except that Rusty's voice actor sounds ten, but the art makes him look like a 29-year-old with a bad middle-part haircut. Oh, and Taki's powers are referred to as his wheelchair transformation powers, which is so ridiculously amazing that it deserves an award for how hard it fails.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvx4hNOfoEAhyHGQMfOAoe7ODb8l94uEUs5H7gL4Nyae6EiI8aDTV0ezCKkEoiHbPmQZ4U_UcCGy4LZ4rltLLWPexeFtnQEPFanEEy99Mbe46YSgC1B0H-UCBtwSBcSlg4vyvQtL7fAg/s1600/mojo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLvx4hNOfoEAhyHGQMfOAoe7ODb8l94uEUs5H7gL4Nyae6EiI8aDTV0ezCKkEoiHbPmQZ4U_UcCGy4LZ4rltLLWPexeFtnQEPFanEEy99Mbe46YSgC1B0H-UCBtwSBcSlg4vyvQtL7fAg/s320/mojo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
In Longshot... the X-Men help Longshot against Mojo and Spiral. If that sort of thing floats your boat, more power to you. I was bored. But then I started noticing something sounded <i>wrong</i> about Mojo's voice actor. I checked the episode's IMDB page (and it won't be the last time I felt compelled to do so), but it lists the same voice actor as his last appearance in "Mojovision." My only conclusion would be that whoever has been editing the sound, especially on the actors' recordings have changed equipment and can't replicate whatever effect they used in previous seasons. He kind of sounded like a maniacal Bobcat Goldthwait. How he just sounds like a Bobcat Goldthwait.<br />
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However, the animation in "Longshot" can not be faulted. It's actually some of the best in the season. In a series where the animation can in hindsight be a little clunky at times, they make Longshot look as effortlessly agile as luck would have it. Of course, if I were a kid watching this (I think I watched it, but Longshot doesn't really hold my attention), I would have been really confused by his demonstration of psychometry. They don't even explain it in the episode. He just does it while they are trying to rescue Jubilee and everyone just accepts that he is speaking with authority instead of asking how he knows this shit. Years later, Layla Miller would just know shit, but everyone will give her grief about the why of it all.<br />
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Moreover, there are Warwolves. Okay, they aren't the verbose very anthropomorphic Warwolves of <i>Excalibur, </i>but I appreciate such a late-in-the-series episode is willing to not only bring a weird-ass villain like Mojo back, work in a narrative around Longshot's rebellion, but then even throw in the Warwolves, whom for a first time viewer would just seem like weird, scary metallic wargs. Throw in more of the weird shit, X-Men. More, I say!<br />
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"Bloodlines" is all about Rogue and Nightcrawler. At first, I thought I'd be too biased by their inclusion in primary roles to have that much of an objective opinion. Or that's what I thought until I saw the Friends Of Humanity's version of the KKK grand wizard get-ups. Oh, god(s). Fox Kids, what were you thinking? You should have quit when you were ahead instead of trying to pull a fast one on Broadcast Standards and Practices.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2YAY8saUyxsa5FUPu4x8fo9HHMToyIDnlmRyGc5_Xweu4NCe4R5b7vrS9ok6httzDzv2gN8sURl-qKtY_k4DEE492KyQZgfcsCVzyhaSY6RGkKtPqo0t862zjxXuT5aSPQn4BwbXuRc/s1600/foh1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn2YAY8saUyxsa5FUPu4x8fo9HHMToyIDnlmRyGc5_Xweu4NCe4R5b7vrS9ok6httzDzv2gN8sURl-qKtY_k4DEE492KyQZgfcsCVzyhaSY6RGkKtPqo0t862zjxXuT5aSPQn4BwbXuRc/s320/foh1.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What what what are you doing, Fox Kids?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNhUpaL0YruU6-1S5tfZzl2ReBj7jW36xk-z8lx8NH9r33R6adotWYT_9B6m8EVFn2nTiJLnmG_exkFakwR3cRFfNVOlD86fRCw40cMdTxaOBpYxHsX1YEwOhBYQGKTAyRYE0bf45p7pc/s1600/foh2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNhUpaL0YruU6-1S5tfZzl2ReBj7jW36xk-z8lx8NH9r33R6adotWYT_9B6m8EVFn2nTiJLnmG_exkFakwR3cRFfNVOlD86fRCw40cMdTxaOBpYxHsX1YEwOhBYQGKTAyRYE0bf45p7pc/s320/foh2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Think of your life! Think of your choices!</td></tr>
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Anyway, what we are watching here is a spin on X-Men Unlimited #4, in which the biological relationship between Graydon Creed, Nightcrawler, and Mystique is revealed. Just throw in a dollop of Wolverine having mutant passing privilege issues and a pinch of Jubilee's abandonment issues, having grown up in the foster system, and you more or less have the same story in the broad strokes. Wolverine takes out his resentment of trick-or-treaters by putting on a Beast mask and scaring them. I think it's oddly hypocritical of Logan for begrudging baseline humans for dressing as mutants on Halloween when he made a mask of one of his own friends who is explicitly deprived of the same passing privilege he enjoys. Sidenote: it appears that the kids he scares off are dressed as the original Daredevil, an extremely off-brand looking Spider-Man costume (maybe it's a clone saga variant I'm blissfully ignorant of), and freaking Devil Dinosaur. Oh yeah!<br />
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Of course, as much as I like the fact that this is an episode centering on two of my favorite X-Men, while Rogue is pretty much peak Rogue, TAS Nightcrawler is the genesis of "boring Priest Nightcrawler." He's basically Ned Flanders with a tail. Mystique tries really hard to balance out Kurt's high-handed forgiveness at all costs approach by being boss AF, but even she succumbs to his charms. Even when he's all preachy and priest-y, I'd still fuck Kurt. Though, I'd refuse to do the missionary position so he'll have to go to confession or something.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvO-JeBhlev3NccA0kLz0CmGhU77mel6pjBjTckdezYIZ2dUQ4QmyuFNegEfThjGGN-X788x7Etes2DRVmPwfqL9NlkZ7If1m4gqXCbVBdpsidCkkIeCLnu8uqGVx7AzzXuWPpBhXtW-k/s1600/the+Darkholme+kids.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvO-JeBhlev3NccA0kLz0CmGhU77mel6pjBjTckdezYIZ2dUQ4QmyuFNegEfThjGGN-X788x7Etes2DRVmPwfqL9NlkZ7If1m4gqXCbVBdpsidCkkIeCLnu8uqGVx7AzzXuWPpBhXtW-k/s320/the+Darkholme+kids.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holiday greeting cards from Raven are probably very hostile.</td></tr>
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Arguably, that was the last of the good episodes. The common wisdom is that it is only the last six issues, but the two-parter that precedes them is such a raging POS that it earns its place. Perhaps I'm being a little harsh on it, but I have issues with a story that does such short shrift to a character by placing them front and center. "Storm Front" as the name might suggest, is a Storm-centric episode in which she is acting wildly out of character from the top. In the first five minutes alone, she's panicky, unable to maintain her composure, and is easily subdued and kidnapped. Granted she seems to do it in a histrionic "no indoor voice" style, which in retrospect is at least her TAS defining trait.<br />
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The It does play into one of Storm's long-standing tropes: the more exalted the villain, the more likely they're going to be into Storm. Our villain du jour is Arkon, ruler of the alternate dimension of Polemachus. Note that those names, transliterations and neologisms aside, translate to "Ruler" and "Warrior Land."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2YcGcPMcmLiim72LhadtGKb191JhXz5I-4SEJ7zm5hZAQyBoMn-YogrFoO29zmRjW7KRfaR8Siks5JJJu5SZzgD6yGqUL7TBKt_2OQXXEx1IFdp61YamNG0gGU8IDFjBVtor5NzFEksQ/s1600/Capture.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2YcGcPMcmLiim72LhadtGKb191JhXz5I-4SEJ7zm5hZAQyBoMn-YogrFoO29zmRjW7KRfaR8Siks5JJJu5SZzgD6yGqUL7TBKt_2OQXXEx1IFdp61YamNG0gGU8IDFjBVtor5NzFEksQ/s320/Capture.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Come, my land has tyranny and all the loin cloths <br />you can ask for.</td></tr>
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He's basically Space Conan. He was even created by Roy Thomas, who is most notable for writing Marvel's Conan comics. As such, he's arrayed in a furry loin cloth and boots that he probably skinned himself, but also a gold chestplate and silly crown that kind of looks Viking by way of the Aztecs, a purple cape, and belts both across the chest and the waist with then-futuristic gizmos and laser pistols holstered on them.<br />
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And like any self respecting noble antagonist/warrior space-king, he wants an exotic-looking beauty with Amazonian proportions to be his bride. No, really, in the comics just under the pen of Claremont alone she is sought after by Dr. Doom, Dracula, Loki, and extra-dimensional space-emperor Khan, so this guy is... I don't want to say she <i>has</i> a type, but she definitely attracts a certain type.<br />
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Anyway, the reason he kidnaps her is because his world's environment has turned against them and they are in need of a weather manipulator to save the day. Of course, if he'd simply come and asked, I'm sure a compassionate woman like Storm would have acquiesced, but I'm fairly certain there is some psychic whammy going on here. I mean, look at her face. They make a point of having a close up of her early in the episode just to highlight how blue her eyes normally are and then for reasons that defy logic they display... this. I mean, changing her physical features ever so slightly is great visual shorthand to communicate that something is awry, but she just looks wrong. The face... the Animated X-Men, even the women always felt like they were lovingly, laboriously carved into the page, but now Storm's face has been drained of definition, making her look listless and more than a little like a chubby baby. And her eyes? Those are dead, lifeless eyes, utterly failing to convince the viewer of the illusion that the sequence of 24 frames per second is a living, breathing character.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGdBeIMG6T2zE9KaG2QRv2X6ifNVNnWYxgWPVT4fD1-mEoJO2kVrCCj89HF5OkRObPMiw9m_BqDq9IwXaMwe73Wpcyd4q0lAAvnGdRt3A9OqJx_cgygm4-in3kPJFM7E09tLqO1n28Foc/s1600/Storm%2527s+dead+eyes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGdBeIMG6T2zE9KaG2QRv2X6ifNVNnWYxgWPVT4fD1-mEoJO2kVrCCj89HF5OkRObPMiw9m_BqDq9IwXaMwe73Wpcyd4q0lAAvnGdRt3A9OqJx_cgygm4-in3kPJFM7E09tLqO1n28Foc/s320/Storm%2527s+dead+eyes.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The animation has eaten her soul.</td></tr>
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So, as the first half ends, Storm, probably within hours of being forcibly kidnapped declares her unending love for Arkon and declares that she will remain in the alt.reality as Arkon's queen. As we pick up in the next episode, every one of her rescuer teammates seems fine with this. The only exception being Wolverine, who seems to be the only character that remembers that mental manipulation is an actual thing that happens on the regular in their world. Storm has gone native to show how happy she is here. Also, there's the "happy accident" of her hair being in a ponytail and thus easier to animate. Jubilee is fully supportive, in love with the idea of Storm being a queen, and quite honestly reminds me of the dynamic between Susan and Barbara in the classic <i>Dr. Who</i> story "The Aztecs." Beast and Cyclops fall mainly in the camp of "respecting Storm's decisions." This would be excellent behavior from teammates who have her back if it weren't so clearly she is not in her right mind. Instead, they look like shmucks. <br />
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It isn't until it becomes increasingly clear that Arkon his a cruel and sadistic authoritarian who punishes his people at the slightest of perceived slights that his romantic whammy starts to wear off Storm. His people are so downtrodden that they don't even get irises and pupils. Either that or the animators were cutting corners again. Wolvie, Beast and Cyke team up with freedom fighters while in the palace Jubilee is still in supportive little sister mode as Storm vacillates back and forth on her feelings about Arkon. Good God Get A Grip, Girl!<br />
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Even with Arkon's thrall weakened, her face still looks wrong. And what the hell is Jubilee wearing on her head?! From the front, it's a tiara, but in profile, it might be Halloween cat ears. I've heard people describe animated Jubilee as kind of a merging of her and Kitty Pryde, but I never bought it until I noticed how quickly and how badly she took to playing dress-up here. But at least she does have the virtue of telling Jubilee the obvious "he's not worth it," and that's that. Storm puts her hair down, which is shorthand for being all better and she peaces out. End credits.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahDBLL1BoR8SeGvLmxhMqxoeDvU5fZmd02kSBXZ3b7FYW4I8wme5GeXeb0JYXpSYIVBre2PeRxY4vMxrTZVoJqjD6W72X8467sOMK_GJB7fDiWUeJ04BeBBpMJpLz_E61eGk1FaX6lBw/s1600/Jubilee%2527s+tiara.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahDBLL1BoR8SeGvLmxhMqxoeDvU5fZmd02kSBXZ3b7FYW4I8wme5GeXeb0JYXpSYIVBre2PeRxY4vMxrTZVoJqjD6W72X8467sOMK_GJB7fDiWUeJ04BeBBpMJpLz_E61eGk1FaX6lBw/s320/Jubilee%2527s+tiara.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Remove her rain slicker and she'll find amazing new ways to<br />be a fashion victim.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Just for a sense of perspective, this is still <i>before</i> the quality goes completely to shit. These last six episodes were ordered last-minute and were not originally budgeted for. In order to cut costs, they were made by a much cheaper, lower quality animation house.<br />
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You can immediately tell that something is deeply, wrong even in the opening credits. The traditional opening that highlighting each member of the main cast has been replaced by a sequence of clips from prior episodes. The clip show is one of those television staples that a show has run out of time or money or both, but this wasn't necessary. It's not as though the opening sequence has to be reanimated every single episode. Thus, my theory is that this was an intentional warning from the showrunners that they cobbled together after seeing what they had to work with just to give viewers a hint of the shitshow that laid before them.<br />
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Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and any multitudinous designations that do not fit a gender binary, welcome to "Jubilee's Fairytale Theatre." This is one of the show's many attempts to try to directly retell one of the classic Claremont stories, "Kitty's Fairytale." The problem being that premise aside, these are nothing alike. "Kitty's Fairytale" is basically a fairytale retelling (told to Colossus' baby sister as a bedtime story) of the Dark Phoenix Saga with a happy ending and included heroic swashbuckling pirates (pirates were fairly on-trend in the 80s) as its protagonists, Jubilee's Fairytale Theatre is quite the different animal, as we shall see.<br />
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As this episode begins, you might be wondering, "did I turn on Captain Planet by mistake? And how did Gi get her hands on Jubilee's signature ray-bans (remember ray bans, you guys)?" But no, you're still in the right show... technically. Yeah, the animation is drastically different, but hey at least we have a silver lining of having the animation actually making Jubilee look like her appropriate racial background. So progress...(?). Also, she seems to have grown 8 inches overnight. Yeah, the original airdates between this and the previous episode were a week apart, so this had to have been jarring as fuck. I vaguely remember young seventh grade David watching this and wondering if I was taking crazy pills or something.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKPj0XYjDavQ4k2KTugEqbPyRhPH0STf_oRA39FE9xxqxSaUCHs_oOu76EyFYoycNvBP3TSX2uGNDAc4av_6gBDOZ-U0e4YZyWG8grJmkzL5J84yN-4_qvkB7wPDPYnXatimdHdQRd1w4/s1600/jft01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKPj0XYjDavQ4k2KTugEqbPyRhPH0STf_oRA39FE9xxqxSaUCHs_oOu76EyFYoycNvBP3TSX2uGNDAc4av_6gBDOZ-U0e4YZyWG8grJmkzL5J84yN-4_qvkB7wPDPYnXatimdHdQRd1w4/s320/jft01.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The new animators must have never been given any visual<br />references for Jubilee. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The rest of the team has gone out on assignment including the Professor who had made a commitment to a local elementary school to show a local group of elementary students the cave formations beneath the estates. So, being that Xavier is a jerk with a penchant for childhood endangerment, he saddles Jubilee with his responsibilities. Aside from the fact that he left a group of kids in the hands of a minor who tends to accidentally blow things up when she's upset, you also need to take into consideration that their parents signed permission slips with the understanding that they were entrusting their children in the hands of mature adults... mature adults who have Act 33 clearances and experience leading tourists through potentially dangerous environments, such as treacherous caves that just happen to turn out to be seismically active. In Upstate New York. Just go with it everybody.<br />
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Jubilee is less than pleased to be here, naturally, so she's reading fairly listlessly from a guide book. Somehow, an earthquake happens in New York. I'm just going to let it pass because they needed some sort of contrivance why Jubilee of all people would be both trusted with children <i>and</i> willing to BS a fairy tale on the fly. If you need an example of how this episode dates itself, note the tone of wonder one of her young charges has at the sight of the cutting edge beeper she uses to contact her teammates.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh56g8-3Kf84J6g8CYHSUNrSkt4B69PL_r4VL9Mtd9cbx-e3MoMxFMmv6hEmv6WICkD9egYQrpypuIY-YthPD9N-1FMIXi2GfZ4YYLy3prneKCNai1pXqe6Xb6Un7V6Psi-nn6nq7O3-fA/s1600/jft02b.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh56g8-3Kf84J6g8CYHSUNrSkt4B69PL_r4VL9Mtd9cbx-e3MoMxFMmv6hEmv6WICkD9egYQrpypuIY-YthPD9N-1FMIXi2GfZ4YYLy3prneKCNai1pXqe6Xb6Un7V6Psi-nn6nq7O3-fA/s320/jft02b.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Were these kids were bused in from Stepford, Conn.?</td></tr>
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Jubilee manages to completely hide the fact that they've been caved in from them by suggesting that the kids all sit in a circle. And oh my god do these kids not exist in any feasible reality. They're just all so twee. There are the girls that immediately ask if there will be handsome princes and true love in the story only to be countered by boys who say "True love? Yuck." Oh and the boys are twins, so <i>of course, </i>they say it in unison. And I owe an apology to Storm's animator in the last episode. I thought her eyes were dead and lifeless. And then I watched "Jubilee's Fairytale Theater" and it totally reset the bell curve.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0EFL3vPVAkk2yUB0JXFmhWMxL_aQ_0jFgcj-yXFK6V8lH4_J_w-QgQ2GWHOZ53QSjRg_SD1qrpQlJL0i8Np35y2MEZLfhbc15E-CXG4sXbgBYUa6AI5R6JA0M1_QjhwPlspgRbnssRk/s1600/jft03a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0EFL3vPVAkk2yUB0JXFmhWMxL_aQ_0jFgcj-yXFK6V8lH4_J_w-QgQ2GWHOZ53QSjRg_SD1qrpQlJL0i8Np35y2MEZLfhbc15E-CXG4sXbgBYUa6AI5R6JA0M1_QjhwPlspgRbnssRk/s320/jft03a.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've seen more effort in PowerPoint Documents. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Jubilee's story has some pretty lazy exposition. Story book pages with cheap sparkly transitions that I could probably whip up after a five minute tutorial with Windows Movie Maker. It sets up Scott and Jean and the good prince and princess... who will have little bearing on the plot, the macguffin of the story is the MacTaggart crystal, and our villain is the unfathomably evil wizard Magnus the Malevolent. Yeah, Jubilee seems to be forgetting all the times Magneto has allied with the X-Men or at least been on uneasy truce terms with them, which I think actually outweighed his outright antagonistic appearances by the end of the series.<br />
So we leave bad transition land and enter into a generic road in a forest. There we find that<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSssIldrOGjbS_FVTarAcDpaRqIo6igZ-eNmHcszvYgjsnjVSAHeoME74N5WShjlbA4LIqRCcbTYTTp6cgCxqR5XFjFx4ysHoE01aGaWHGvBNDDyZUFf-k-NqOlKnm0FMad5N4D6k2_6g/s1600/jft05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSssIldrOGjbS_FVTarAcDpaRqIo6igZ-eNmHcszvYgjsnjVSAHeoME74N5WShjlbA4LIqRCcbTYTTp6cgCxqR5XFjFx4ysHoE01aGaWHGvBNDDyZUFf-k-NqOlKnm0FMad5N4D6k2_6g/s320/jft05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The best mullet in all the Seven Kingdoms</td></tr>
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Gambit is playing a rogue whose metal bo staff gives him +2 sexterity. He flees from metal suit henchmen with Magneto helmets for heads and could have been repurposed henchmen from the <i>Felix the Cat </i>movie. He happens upon some kindly peasants who resemble Longshot, and her adoptive parents who haven't been seen since "Night o the Sentinels." Something tells me a kid would need a keen eye to pick up on Longshot here, though how many four-fingered blonde mulleted characters could there possibly be? And it's only because I sat through multiple viewings that I'm about 75% positive about the other two being the foster parents. I'm guessing since we're plumbing Jubilee's subconscious in this story, it is only reasonable that guys she has recently crushed on and people who have treated her as family should work their way into the narrative. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrLK-lZV8eXkPG8-q27pgssLrQlAPdeviwd9d86fHL82SriBoGUKU06ZWiFnjTtlZ1_kMRbpy9NCfBOqqcTWIsPNtxW-ys5nilxEor5Eo12hYFoATwhUqFDYuFpnIIFRTTTkffFmmoOs/s1600/jft04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYrLK-lZV8eXkPG8-q27pgssLrQlAPdeviwd9d86fHL82SriBoGUKU06ZWiFnjTtlZ1_kMRbpy9NCfBOqqcTWIsPNtxW-ys5nilxEor5Eo12hYFoATwhUqFDYuFpnIIFRTTTkffFmmoOs/s320/jft04.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Magneto's off-brand Doombots</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The kindly NPC's attempt to hide Remy under the hay in their wagon but the "Clankers" catch up with them. At that moment, what should happen buytthey are rescued by a messianic hero that the Clankers think is a myth peasants tell themselves. And so we meet Jubilee's author avatar/Mary Sue character. She's the best of the best without any real struggle, instead of low level fireworks, her powers are treated like potent lightning bolts, and say, is it just my imagination or does she have hella large breasts that she doesn't have in real life? Well, I guess that's what middle-aged straight white men in a writers' room think a 15-year-old would include in an idealized version of herself. Of course, maybe it's just my imagination. I would go back and double check, but examining the cleavage of an underage girl in a children's cartoon sounds like a sketchy way to spend your free time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXDthVH4bvEVnzdL-A2E0jSo_EAmR5xOEkUZDuR9YkHWP7qHP6lASXiw-652cf_eV53x-i36ajkc90vhbdnRyQLRQxwBugmTgn_0Y6HJnAgvftK9AnGRI745_hAA12i2nywHRnZaBXDHo/s1600/jft06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXDthVH4bvEVnzdL-A2E0jSo_EAmR5xOEkUZDuR9YkHWP7qHP6lASXiw-652cf_eV53x-i36ajkc90vhbdnRyQLRQxwBugmTgn_0Y6HJnAgvftK9AnGRI745_hAA12i2nywHRnZaBXDHo/s320/jft06.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Her greatest magical treasure is her wonderbra</td></tr>
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She's so invested in making her self-insert character an unrepentant 90's hero protagonist that she speaks in nothing but quips (whether they are clever is up for debate) while she fights and even has her own lame catchphrase: "Getting out of tight places is what I do." Undoubtedly, it's intended to be Jubes' kinder, gentler version of Wolverine's catchphrase. Also, she seems to be an elf. I'm wondering if the writers were intentionally poking fun at fanfic writers in this episode. Or maybe they actually bought someone's fanfic just to save time.<br />
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Being a fanfic protagonist, she is the best, most perfect Jubilee elf playing as ranger that ever was and single-handedly takes down all the villainous clankers. Then the party is joined by Trollverine. And oh my god(s) this is amaztupid. He's green from head to toe, has tusks, wears tattered shreds of his usual attire rendered into a kilt, hood, and harness, which makes me think he's a submissive at Ye Olde Leather Bar, and has broken shackles on his wrists like my old My Pet Monster doll. It's fairly remarkable. Additionally, he speaks with an odd sort of lisp that makes him sound like a congested Bessie Higgenbottom. The stuffed up nose might be due to the giant ring pierced through his septum. Oh, and he's Jubilee's sidekick.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGmknXiDVzIH24ojc0zQnak8_xVaVDCcpD_2eS2AkjDpuWBI8ap5f-IoO4lZtBQMyyeTCj-nC6SzdsbV4GfgjU5ljEhyphenhyphenmzKSkLypX_cwLNe5cfNBlc6SzGGuh0A6ZnEYzaT3fTnjdgyc/s1600/Trollverine.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdGmknXiDVzIH24ojc0zQnak8_xVaVDCcpD_2eS2AkjDpuWBI8ap5f-IoO4lZtBQMyyeTCj-nC6SzdsbV4GfgjU5ljEhyphenhyphenmzKSkLypX_cwLNe5cfNBlc6SzGGuh0A6ZnEYzaT3fTnjdgyc/s320/Trollverine.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">His day job is cage dancer at the popular troll bar, The Tannery.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqt_PGbMFxMxB0oqCOQfynG1Yu1uP2-X0DzT9wP_uX9-bkaycW6MwNlKNblT_TpB_ZfkeaUxYVnk9yyfAfYwEr23vdMMfmg4pxoa86v2sCkooiS-2loL357Jsz4xvrZBaNwrKvjDBr9MY/s1600/Mean_%2528Earth-5311%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqt_PGbMFxMxB0oqCOQfynG1Yu1uP2-X0DzT9wP_uX9-bkaycW6MwNlKNblT_TpB_ZfkeaUxYVnk9yyfAfYwEr23vdMMfmg4pxoa86v2sCkooiS-2loL357Jsz4xvrZBaNwrKvjDBr9MY/s320/Mean_%2528Earth-5311%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just for reference, this is his analogue in Kitty's fairy tale.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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So it turns out Gambit is relevant to the plot because he was hired by the bad guy to steal half of the macguffin (it's kind of a triforce deal, so whoever gets both half is all powerful yadda yadda), but he hid it instead. Jubilee clearly knows what's what because not only is her story version of Gambit morally ambiguous and self-serving at best, but he's also a creeper, hitting on Jubilee as he offers to show her where he hid the crystal. Yeah, Jubilee is 15 in this series. Gambit: total creeper, habitual liar, AND a pedo. Yeah, if you're going to read my X-related posts, just accept and embrace the fact that I think Gambit is the worst of the traditionally accepted X-Men.<br />
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He leads Jubilee and Trollverine (he's called "Logan" in the story, but I'm sticking with my wording) to a poor man's cave of wonders-- no really, it's a cavern laden with treasures that has not one but two entries that resemble giant heads and I think the only reason they don't resemble tiger heads is to avoid a "cease and desist" letter from Disney -- where Jubilee immediately gets distracted by a gem encrusted diadem.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg__rL1PuTXJC2xRyaAB00QjWuO9TKooDQx1snhIAiy-e798_5c7nzO2JrLC6S_VoKSiEs7iWdkLtAetFQs1A58ZpkHgRv1p4zYUEQvTXvjc5B1ysjq3IkzLdVfv1FzoaxH0PtJa_bFX_c/s1600/jft07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg__rL1PuTXJC2xRyaAB00QjWuO9TKooDQx1snhIAiy-e798_5c7nzO2JrLC6S_VoKSiEs7iWdkLtAetFQs1A58ZpkHgRv1p4zYUEQvTXvjc5B1ysjq3IkzLdVfv1FzoaxH0PtJa_bFX_c/s320/jft07.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-qtaG2hOm7opLtZhPOy5-DmmgjmoXocdGnvScGBTqrfczXKXT_cdK-ncdC3S0R2xuM6ZXbteXA3RJz8yJ0WK83tZQKAMSxhvtFGc4_iWwY322u0PJPcmHu3ZZ4WKYcFIF4WWeSVODDs/s1600/jft07a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8-qtaG2hOm7opLtZhPOy5-DmmgjmoXocdGnvScGBTqrfczXKXT_cdK-ncdC3S0R2xuM6ZXbteXA3RJz8yJ0WK83tZQKAMSxhvtFGc4_iWwY322u0PJPcmHu3ZZ4WKYcFIF4WWeSVODDs/s320/jft07a.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Poor Man's Cave of Wonders has not one, but two<br />security check-points.</td></tr>
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And oh my gods Sabretooth! I have no words! None. He looks like one of Sid's Frankenstein'd action figures in <i>Toy Story</i>. Creed's head was ripped off his action figure and stapled onto Grizzlor's, from <i>Masters of the Universe.</i> Just bask in the glow of this ridiculousness for a moment, everybody.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNaj0gPWzL29BZ1JbDRYrijxC9YJyyh4j_Y8z80ddNSktaRmZ51PxkyCOY89X5_ucEW5cz0vOZrPAZQE6pzU7gbYdTFYdsfNiS_mL1XiX4g8Th-JL-I3sN7SUWPA1tsLIhGyOu63h0yPM/s1600/jft08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNaj0gPWzL29BZ1JbDRYrijxC9YJyyh4j_Y8z80ddNSktaRmZ51PxkyCOY89X5_ucEW5cz0vOZrPAZQE6pzU7gbYdTFYdsfNiS_mL1XiX4g8Th-JL-I3sN7SUWPA1tsLIhGyOu63h0yPM/s320/jft08.JPG" width="304" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The head transplant was a success... after a fashion</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Back in reality, even with with application of shaky cam, these kids still have no idea that they are in any kind of danger. These kids are a special kind of stupid. Is this what the story writers thought of children? If you were the target age demo when this aired, you should take it as an indictment. The area is destabilizing and Jubilee convinces the kids to go for a little walk up not an incline, but a fairly professionally installed-looking set of stairs in the cave just in time for an underground river to burst through the rocks and flood the area they were just in. The just left the chamber when the water rushes in. Believe it or not, showrunners, kids notice shit. And they're really good at picking up on things when adults <i>don't </i>want them to notice.<br />
<br />
After the commercial break, Jubilee has led the kids into a dead end, but goes back and blasts some rocks down from overhead in order to stopper off the water level. I'm just not going to address the fact that she could have quite easily have accidentally caused the entire cavern ceiling to collapse on her and the children because the episode relies so heavily on Jubilee's fanfic insert character playing in god mode that we can only assume the writers were writing the actual Jubilee that way too.<br />
<br />
The kids ask her to resume her paint by numbers fantasy story. Even if this hadn't been prior to the era of smart phones and portable devices, the kids wouldn't be getting reception down there and would simply be incapable of amusing themselves without external stimulation, since we've raised a generation of children who have had iPads instead learning to amuse themselves during long car rides, camping trips, etc. They'd be as desperate for something, anything to hold their attention that this stupid story is a point of focus.<br />
<br />
After another cheap looking storybook page to remind us what was happening before the commercial break, we find ourselves back in the ye old Money Bin where we last saw Jubilee and company being confronted by a yeti wearing a Sabretooth mask. Jubilee singlehandedly takes him down with all the pathos of Sonic the Hedgehog and they get the hell out of dodge before his backup dancers, more of Magnus' Clankers (btw, they're animated suits of armor, which makes me really want to watch <i>Bedknobs and Broomsticks </i>now) can do much other than levy some threats.<br />
<br />
Having made it out of the cave with their half of MacTaggart crystal, Jubilee's party is joined by the floating disembodied head of <strike>Oz the Great and Powerful</strike> <strike>Jambi</strike> Xavier the All-Knowing. He announces that Jubilee is the chosen one destined to save them all. Ye gods, for such a departure from the original "Kitty's Fairytale," this episode is utterly devoid of original ideas. Then Xavier just disappears. Yeah, his inclusion in the narrative felt organic and motivated.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS8X0AgttNcv8xSnHJs-PN1j9EmRmhbnAuLKZtettAs8AjakZkucBGnxM4YiFy9BrkyInDWeQmsALThrDrhYSzklUSwxMyiKZCmHkot1MPXo-GxyaXKf1vsVxer6OQTkq6UTuclQK9Wrc/s1600/jft09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS8X0AgttNcv8xSnHJs-PN1j9EmRmhbnAuLKZtettAs8AjakZkucBGnxM4YiFy9BrkyInDWeQmsALThrDrhYSzklUSwxMyiKZCmHkot1MPXo-GxyaXKf1vsVxer6OQTkq6UTuclQK9Wrc/s320/jft09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meka leka hi meka hiney ho!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Anyway, the gang walks off-screen to actively fulfill Xavier's prophesy, then a rat scurries down and transforms into a mage and tells nobody in particular that he's off to inform his master of what he has heard. I <i>think</i> this is supposed to be Morph's analogue. I tried to figure it out on IMDB based on the episode's voice cast, but only four actors are credited in this episode. I guess it was either remove their names or let everyone list themselves as Alan Smithee.<br />
<br />
The heroes break into Magnus' palace and find their way to Magnus' half of the crystal just in time for Magnus to shut them down. Magneto as a LARP sorcerer is a revelation. I kind of want to cosplay as this. No, really, I'm actually being serious. Most of the character designs go so hard for fanciful that they overshoot their target and land on silly, but Magnus' design is such a fantastic blend of things that seem like they should feel ridiculous that they work incredibly well together. The drape and flow of his cape is amazing, especially when he's in flight. His arch cowl brings to mind a lot of 80's high fantasy, his large grometed pauldrons are simply perfect. He's got pointed wizard shoes, guys! Plus look at that visage. Even just from the neck up, he's a wonder to behold. He's got long 80's metal band power hair, a goatee of evil, and they even worked the stylized horseshoe "hood ornament" of Magneto's helmet into his circle- crown. Let's face it, gentle readers-- I have a strong contender for my next Halloween costume.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzGjAmOOpwGX9rM1MVfTXfreYM7gENn0LnUqwHwjOoHHqDPUA8VLwWVLW8WOdcbauzCdoguz65ciRMtF-CFKRrlGxj17I3_-TMtkg5Q9vbPYli7oI5tAG9WhCDxgX0BaODaKaZz0qHi9s/s1600/jft10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzGjAmOOpwGX9rM1MVfTXfreYM7gENn0LnUqwHwjOoHHqDPUA8VLwWVLW8WOdcbauzCdoguz65ciRMtF-CFKRrlGxj17I3_-TMtkg5Q9vbPYli7oI5tAG9WhCDxgX0BaODaKaZz0qHi9s/s320/jft10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Magneto's got swag.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Magnus takes both halves of the crystal, and fail fail fail. Okay, animators. Did you guys even read the script? These are supposed to be two halves of one precious stone. The script even goes so far as to refer to them as shards. And yet these are clearly two discrete precious stones, identical gems both of which processed into a baguette cut. Gem cutting wasn't even a thing that could be accomplished until the 18th Century, by the way.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrvRwCPjphx7Yhgp4J5QMJKzWNB0Ss_l3qDaSCh9oc1dA-qpcFZQvdSqkwN9YrsRMwf4-h_sgOGKJOZtm1rEBkmUV0ajxwPDpveQMBYI6rQXbsFjgDXsKf_38fiXOddZL9l1nuv354smE/s1600/jft11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrvRwCPjphx7Yhgp4J5QMJKzWNB0Ss_l3qDaSCh9oc1dA-qpcFZQvdSqkwN9YrsRMwf4-h_sgOGKJOZtm1rEBkmUV0ajxwPDpveQMBYI6rQXbsFjgDXsKf_38fiXOddZL9l1nuv354smE/s320/jft11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Magneto loves man handling his stones</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
He only uses his Clankers to restrain Jubilee however because he needs her to enact his plan. Jubilee is the key to unlocking the power of the crystal and he threatens the life of her stalwart trollfriend in order to ensure her compliance, ensnaring him it what I think it supposed to be giant amoeba made of quicksilver that seems to want to strangle him. I feel like this specific is a plot point gets reused in the third act a lot of kids' animated adventures, but my mind immediately goes to the <i>Care Bears Nutcracker</i>. Yeah, I'm plumbing the depths of things I'm willing to admit I've watched enough to be able to cite them. So Jubilee basically uses her fireworks to power the crystal, delivering unto our villain his ultimate objective. Now Magnus has no further need of his henchmen, he blows them to pieces. Yeah, it seems like we're supposed to read that as his cruelty, but they were suits of armor his own will was animating. It's like pulling your arm out of a hand puppet and expecting to be treated like he disemboweled someone.<br />
<br />
He refuses to uphold his side of the bargain to free Trollverine, so she unleashes her powers on him at full voltage. He taunts her, declaring that she's only making her stronger, but it seems that was the idea. She has turned his suit into an electric magnet, drawing anything metal, even if it's bolted to the wall. Nuts, bolts, discarded armor, torch sconces, etc fling themselves at him, knocking him to the ground. I guess we're playing by "king of the mountain" rules because him falling on his ass is good enough for a conclusion.<br />
<br />
We cut back to reality where apparently Jubilee used her actual fireworks to get the kids out of the cave (is the Xavier School open about their mutant status in TAS's version of continuity?). Cyke, Gambit, and Wolvie are there to meet them in their civvies. And for some reason it was determined that Gambit's idea of what to wear at a plain clothes rescue/excavation mission is strikingly similar to what he wears out on date night. Although considering Cyke is dressed for a night with his bowling league, maybe we can assume that they both would rather be somewhere else. Also, just in case you've gotten used to the cheaper quality of the animation, Logan, Remy, and Scott are here to remind you. The rest of the story looks positively photo-realistic compared to how they're rendered here. There is no effort beyond what is minimal. They didn't even draw in the blacks of Gambit's eyes. Maybe the animator was a "Third Summers Brother Gambit" truther and wanted them to have matching eyes. Regardless, this is how I'd expect to see them drawn in a tie-in activity book or maybe even on the back of a Burger King Kid's Club box, but not in something that a director/editor/showrunner/producer to look at and say, "yes, this is fit for public consumption.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICCCtKFg6ZRAe7D6_8ZAWZf64z_-5AsnlXzQpwIC2rrm0Z0qnioRdRQdhN92NX_KgIVD6w8hSSB6lkWWZ1kLUtkesv9GTrrJkaSgJRSpobINj1Hpd2_hI3k5sesrkT-wXjkFVTbDNdp4/s1600/jft12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICCCtKFg6ZRAe7D6_8ZAWZf64z_-5AsnlXzQpwIC2rrm0Z0qnioRdRQdhN92NX_KgIVD6w8hSSB6lkWWZ1kLUtkesv9GTrrJkaSgJRSpobINj1Hpd2_hI3k5sesrkT-wXjkFVTbDNdp4/s320/jft12.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unfinished art that accidentally made it to broadcast</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Somehow, despite being provided any visual aids or any reason to associate her story with reality, one of the kids identifies Wolverine as "Logan the Troll." I'm assuming Wolverine just let it roll off his back, but what the hell is that kid's problem? You just don't go around calling people you've just met trolls... I mean, unless you're dealing with an asshat on an internet forum.<br />
<br />
With the kids waiting for their bus at the steps of the X-Mansion, Jean Grey seems surprised (disappointed?) that the kids don't seem to have mental states that reflect intense trauma. Jean Grey is a glass half empty kind of person. Wouldn't you be if you were stuck with Scott when you could be out consuming the cosmos?<br />
<br />
The kids ask Jubilee to finish her story. Note that she completely skips over the actual end of the climax she was working on earlier. We just skip to the afterparty at the castle. Apparently a very shrill-voiced Jean is all a'twitter at the prospect of making Jubilee a princess and playing Julie Andrews to Jubilee's Anne Hathaway. As shrill as Queen Jean is, King Scott is so droningly bland that I'm fairly certain this is meta-commentary. Ye gods, what the hell is wrong with Scott's face? Where is his upper lip?! Is it hiding in his big ugly turban?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8AsMsuaSwFuKuzx_SBV4j6_dwwXqDI6X1Jl9cQY7PNGiIdCSFDTHahiE35DfYVa8NyRzEsxUshrnzAwlpi7LOW5xT8eJLvc5RXPvrgSBm4K08XxT2RUJes_YYCeCuwVx3E5EC4xGwoVo/s1600/jft13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8AsMsuaSwFuKuzx_SBV4j6_dwwXqDI6X1Jl9cQY7PNGiIdCSFDTHahiE35DfYVa8NyRzEsxUshrnzAwlpi7LOW5xT8eJLvc5RXPvrgSBm4K08XxT2RUJes_YYCeCuwVx3E5EC4xGwoVo/s320/jft13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is there no low point in the Uncanny Valley?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Jubilee slips out, stepping out of the gown she had been wearing with her elfin costume underneath it and runs off to have adventures with her buddies as we transition back to reality to see the <strike>vermin </strike>children driving off in their bus, eager to come again to hear another story. Really, kids? It didn't even qualify as "okay." Maybe they're all life model decoys of real kids who've been programmed to be impressed by anything. Jean and the Professor, meanwhile are pleased with Jubilee's ability to manage a crisis singlehandedly, but probably nowhere near as much as Jubilee is pleased with herself.<br />
<br />
Guys, this has been a lot of fun, but this article is massive and we still have five more incredibly badly animated episodes to go. I'm afraid we'll have to finish up this journey into facepalms another time.<br />
<br />
Come back in two weeks for the next issue of "Batman : Under the Red Hood."katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-28134930048038682222016-08-10T15:56:00.001-07:002016-08-10T19:51:10.158-07:00A Whirling Vortex of T-Rex!!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRK8VSIfCK65yCW5JpB8LoE1yVMpUwWyT7JYPqakZLccKe2V1TiDQJW3K-bYTZzOzUWYVNJ7s4_c0HK8GtB98v8cFStkAOAup3u4s5fwuTOUyY4yZZRbfvtqq_L08cPvI0yOrElTW3AXw/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRK8VSIfCK65yCW5JpB8LoE1yVMpUwWyT7JYPqakZLccKe2V1TiDQJW3K-bYTZzOzUWYVNJ7s4_c0HK8GtB98v8cFStkAOAup3u4s5fwuTOUyY4yZZRbfvtqq_L08cPvI0yOrElTW3AXw/s400/00.JPG" width="257" /></a>So who knew when I sat down to read a series about a little girl genius and a giant red T-Rex that I'd be squeeing over the dinosaur? Today we're looking into one of Marvel's newest offerings from the past year, <i>Moon Girl & Devil Dinosaur. </i>Written by Brandon Montclare and Amy Reeder, it has Natacha Bustos as the artist and Tamra Bonvillain on colors.<br />
<br />
There isn't too much essential continuity you need to know, but this is a surprisingly storied character. He is a rare example of characters created by Jack Kirby who isn't tied into the cosmic or straightforward superhero end of the Marvel Universe. In case the name didn't give it away, he's a dinosaur, but due to some plotty stuff in his origin which is a story for another time, he's actually a mutant dinosaur.<br />
<br />
No, really, his being a mutant is actually a specific plot point in the <i>Fallen Angels</i> mini series, so despite whatever latter day retcons Marvel will assert to assert that he's actually an Inhuman or whatever, we know the truth.<br />
<br />
But yeah, unlike your average T-Rex in the Mavel Universe, instead of being green, he's fiery red. Additionally, he's endowed with heightened intelligence (human or higher) as well as superior strength. Yeah, those flimsy little T-Rex arms are actually pretty mighty.<br />
<br />
He comes from a place called the Valley of Flame, a prehistoric world which, depending on the era of publication and who is writing is either in Earth's prehistoric past, is in an alternate reality where dinosaurs are still alive, or is on another planet. Marvel currently stands by the multiversal designation of Earth-78411. This despite the fact that Marvel laid its Multiverse to rest last year. Way to commit to your decisions, guys.<br />
<br />
The only other people of the Valley of Flame relevant to our discussion are the primitive race of men (homo habilis, according to the wiki) who are divided into two different clans: the Small Folk and the Killer Folk. Take a wild guess which tribe you should be rooting for. Devil Dinosaur's lifelong companion and fellow mutant Moon Boy is a member of the Small Folk and most all their appearances prior to this series were in tandem.<br />
<br />
Okay, that's enough backstory: on with the show.<br />
<br />
Our story begins with a quote from Dr. Gregory Stock, “humanity is leaving its childhood and moving into its adolescence
as its powers infuse into realms hitherto beyond our reach.” Every issue starts with a passage like this from a luminary of the scientific community. I'm not sure how well they all relate to the book's human protagonist, but in this case it is markedly fitting. Presumably having such a young protagonist means that we are embarking on a child's version of the hero's journey, which places a heavy emphasis on the transition to maturity, learning to put the greater good above selfish desires, and "putting away childish things."<br />
<br />
Meet Lunella Lafayette of Lower East Side Manhattan. She is a nine-year-old girl genius whose bedroom is wall to wall science. A solar system mobile hangs above her, while posters of Neil Degrassi Tyson and the Moon are hung on her walls. Models of molecular compounds are scattered on the floor and whereas most kids get nagged in the morning to wake up before school, we find Lunella hiding under the covers as she doing science. What is she cobbling together? Why does she feel compelled to hide head to toe under the covers with a flashlight cradled in the small of her neck as she performs presumably delicate mechanical construction? Not a clue, but odds are I wouldn't understand what that thing does without a flowchart.<br />
<br />
Sadly, it seems Lunella has applied to quite a few of Marvel's supergenius schools, but has a cork board full of rejection letters. I'm assuming she stamped the huge red "rejected" marks on them herself. They're pretty uniform and I have a hard time believing educators would be that nasty to a nine-year-old.<br />
<br />
Lunella's mother is calling from outside the bedroom for her to get moving and ready for school, but Lunella is a lot more interested in working on her device. She asserts that it is the key to solving the biggest problem, maybe even the city. However, Mother Lafayette has her daughter's number and mentions that the schools she has been applying to probably check attendance. And it is hilarious to see just how her eyes widen in terror as she speeds through getting dressed for school and out the door and taps a button on her tennis shoes transforming them into roller skates, helping her beat the clock.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOCeUIBYiWEPNWPv7D_jerOt_q3gCYLRvOYGNb-K8CKfV2W0zWEZ6GUox17gefc56EoaJ5BCwkiroq2iGm-xuHrhlvrH-5fhziBKVZwip_FqTPdl26zpkYAUUL2atvAAmA666w3p4Ix5c/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOCeUIBYiWEPNWPv7D_jerOt_q3gCYLRvOYGNb-K8CKfV2W0zWEZ6GUox17gefc56EoaJ5BCwkiroq2iGm-xuHrhlvrH-5fhziBKVZwip_FqTPdl26zpkYAUUL2atvAAmA666w3p4Ix5c/s400/01.JPG" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Deployable roller skates? Meh. Next <br />
time try rocket powered roller skates.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And this is our first full view of Lunella's character design. She's African-American and wears her hair, in one big frizzy floof of a ponytail (which defies logic, considering it's more wavy than curly when it's down). She wears round purple glasses, a t-shirt with the moon on it, khaki shorts, and knee socks, and shorts. I won't lie, I think her design could do with a few more inches on those shorts. I ought to also include her backpack in that description, as any self respecting geeky little kid probably has quite a number of essentials in their backpacks that they cannot do without.<br />
<br />
I think she is a little leggy for a nine-year-old. I think an inch further in that direction, I would have been worried that they're trying to sexualize a 9-year-old, but they manage to dodge that by emphasizing her sheer awkward body language as she rushes to school. Seriously, Lunella. You have two free hands and you are a literal genius. Why is that sandwich bag in your mouth?<br />
<br />
Lunella arrives just as the bell rings, but her teacher is pretty mean-spirited to her anyway. Yeah, I have a hard time buying how venomously her teacher speaks. Even if a teacher is at her wits end trying to relate to a student, this is not how a teacher would communicate with a gifted-but-problematic student. This is how overly protective parents think a teacher would act. Or, considering we are deep in Lunella's POV, this is how a student with a superiority complex perceives her teachers.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM06u0ReF7q47NIJT2FZFZ6_iIRNfF4Qu1-L8bZ0H-aGqAjCf4h6eG1ss0VbuD4qgGmIRNoOGcoZafhjXN9QnaB7D-WAuw5vQWNU9oRNvPCkS-ow9q8QFF9KXgoCEeLpVq2sEfzN28LTA/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM06u0ReF7q47NIJT2FZFZ6_iIRNfF4Qu1-L8bZ0H-aGqAjCf4h6eG1ss0VbuD4qgGmIRNoOGcoZafhjXN9QnaB7D-WAuw5vQWNU9oRNvPCkS-ow9q8QFF9KXgoCEeLpVq2sEfzN28LTA/s400/02.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Either this girl is hearing what she wants to hear instead of the spoken <br />
word or this teacher is on the verge of a new career path.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Still, Lunella isn't exactly a prize herself. She may be a child prodigy, but she's still a nine-year-old and has a lot of growing up to do. She actively disengages in the class room, again to her teacher's chagrin, preferring to work on a design for a Kree detector. When the teacher, who calls her "Little Miss Know-It-All" (again, this is how helicopter parents <i>think</i> teachers treat their special little snowflakes), calls on her to answer the question of the theory of evolution, Lunella only begrudgingly responds and instead of answering the question asked, she delivers a small diatribe about why calling it a theory is inaccurate. Of course, she's the only one reveling in her intellectual superiority. The kids all laugh at and taunt her, calling her "Moon Girl."<br />
<br />
That night, at the dinner table, her parents try to reach out to her, encouraging her to engage more with her classmates. Make friends. A friend. Then there's this little moment that I'm certain had to be deliberate. As her parents are trying to reach her verbally, her mother extends her hand and we see a panel of her hand not quite reaching her daughter's. It is just a moment of hesitation before she takes it in the next panel, but it makes me wonder whether there is a reason why we see that moment of their hands not connecting yet.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, I realize that there might be grounds for an Aspergers reading of Lunella. She's hyper intellectual, avoids eye contact, lacks an ability to pick up on social cues, generally behaves unsympathetically to others, and now this little moment hints at an aversion to physical contact. Of course, this might just be me projecting and could totally be unintentional, but I'm kind of interested in having a protagonist with an Austism Spectrum Disorder, especially if it <i>is</i> eventually made textual and not just left up to the reader to interpret. Granted, I watched the <i>Girl Meets World </i>episode, "I Am Farkle" earlier this week, so perhaps this issue is just floating around my head lately.<br />
<div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw_f0W7hyphenhyphenjV7Eik1lrOxP09ONQKFXYWWtrc_RUAdBjl_jJz8aq0CwZYd75wEC6ZAKZesDxii1PhOIs9q0xC0ruhrAH8bnuPOBNQnrwX3TokPt8Wuz2FMrgmfra6s_eXA8bJLWvKMVu1o0/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw_f0W7hyphenhyphenjV7Eik1lrOxP09ONQKFXYWWtrc_RUAdBjl_jJz8aq0CwZYd75wEC6ZAKZesDxii1PhOIs9q0xC0ruhrAH8bnuPOBNQnrwX3TokPt8Wuz2FMrgmfra6s_eXA8bJLWvKMVu1o0/s400/03.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes, having a gifted child isn't exactly a gift.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But she really doesn't see the point in her parents' plea for socialization. She doesn't expect to be at the school much longer and she has much more important objectives in mind, which takes us to later that night.<br />
<br />
Almost assuredly past curfew, Lunella is out using her newly minted Kree detector. Her narration hints at the urgency of her project, saying that if she doesn't suss out her problem soon, she won't be human anymore. Juxtaposed against her tablet showing an article on the Kree and a news paper article about the Terrigen Mist and we start to get a clearer picture that she is worried about potentially being afflicted with Terrigenesis. Goddammit. I was really hoping to avoid dealing with the Inhumans after that abysmal Uncanny Avengers arc. Don't get me wrong, I love Ms. Marvel, but the Inhumans really need to get their proverbial peanut butter out of the rest of Marvel's chocolate.<br />
<br />
While probably not what she was looking for, she does manage to find something of note in the form of a strange glowing orb with a criss-crossed pair of metallic rims orbiting it that emits a "kree-kree" sound. I'm not certain if it is a Kree artifact, but at least she detected a "kree."<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDu-mg2bppEAzbdX2PRYm60Txui8kYdnkkT3enEag9LRHdXXJXYUNRQ2vpbl-y6RC2ebFzoisCTMAKjZAqsZ4haHsEjl736cWoqJNSiT2TA4I06Yxz39qmOMlINCHATS7rulHeFOPtUkY/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDu-mg2bppEAzbdX2PRYm60Txui8kYdnkkT3enEag9LRHdXXJXYUNRQ2vpbl-y6RC2ebFzoisCTMAKjZAqsZ4haHsEjl736cWoqJNSiT2TA4I06Yxz39qmOMlINCHATS7rulHeFOPtUkY/s400/04.JPG" width="235" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ladies and gentlemen:<br />
The Main Event!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Ages ago, according to the narration (so we're ignoring the wiki's multiversal designation), we find ourselves in the Valley of Flame, where the Killer Folk seem to be in possession of the same glowing do-dad Lunella has found. They call it the Nightstone and they seem to worship it, intending to make sacrifices to it in order to "slake the Nightstone's bloodthirst." Yeah, wondering now what this thing is going to do to Lunella after prolonged exposure...<br />
<br />
The Killer Folks' ritual sacrifices are put on hold when who should break up their holy rite but freaking Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy! Yeah, those blood sacrifices? The Killer Folk outsourced them and have a slew of Moon Boy's people lined up for the slaughter. While DD stomps his way through their foes, Moon Boy gets his hands on the Nightstone and intends to take it and bury it where the Killer Folk can't find it. But before he can make a getaway, he finds himself set upon by a bunch of Killer Folk who don't take kindly to Small Folk getting their fingerprints on their murder bauble.<br />
<br />
Elsewhen, in the equally inhospitable realm of contemporary elementary school gym class, Lunella has abjured from the dog eat dog world in favor of marveling at her new discovery, which she has not-quite-subtly hid in her backpack. Remember how her homeroom teacher was kinda horrible to her? Well, her gym teacher is a whole lot worse. Not only is he vile to her, publicly shaming her for not joining in the game, but he violates her right to privacy by reaching into her bag and pulling out her "omni-wave projector." Not only does he infringe upon her privacy, but he shows no sense of remorse as he spins the strange device on his fingers, like a basketball, no doubt showing off to a bunch of 4th graders in the hopes of them not realizing he's a loser who has to pick on 9-year-olds to compensate for his own insecurities.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEherdmYZRRVrqSmIFmV9CTbBNZggCt6snhoZrLjpDIciSfT3DFBRm0ojFywMYLZK66RT1mq0xt56BV5GZmUqKzXCVu0HJulVjLbK11aKcJxl8kXS7P_KPWDDU-Sw4fDGi4vzY4yJte9D0Q/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEherdmYZRRVrqSmIFmV9CTbBNZggCt6snhoZrLjpDIciSfT3DFBRm0ojFywMYLZK66RT1mq0xt56BV5GZmUqKzXCVu0HJulVjLbK11aKcJxl8kXS7P_KPWDDU-Sw4fDGi4vzY4yJte9D0Q/s400/05.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll go out on a limb as guess he has a small penis.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Again, I can't help but notice a disconnect within Lunella that might allude to a neuro-behavior disorder. Instead of getting upset about this clear infraction from her teacher, her inner monologue is fixated upon riddling out what exactly she has and what it might be used for. Considering I have a condition in which hyperfocus is certainly a part of the equation and happen to know it's also a symptom of Asperger's, it definitely caught my attention. It isn't until her teacher's actions have "comic book science" implications that we see her reacting to him.<br />
<br />
Being both a bit of a bully and a show off, he spins her discovery on his finger like it were a basketball. However, this has some adverse effects as it causes a whirling green vortex to manifest. Nice going, jockstrap.<br />
<br />
Back in the jungle primeval, the Killer Folk have Moon Boy surrounded, and he clutches the Nightstone with all his might as they beat him within an inch of his life. However, by the time they've finished with him, what a coinkidink, the Nightstone has vanished and there is another swirling green vortex, which they enter in the hopes of finding their precious totem. Of course, being chased into it by Devil Dinosaur was only a kicker in terms of reasons to enter a mysterious portal.<br />
<br />
DD finds Moon Boy on the jungle floor, speaking with a quivering voice. Fairly certain that he is going to die, he beseeches his trans-species lifemate to avenge him, pointing up to the moon as he refers to himself in the third person. It is in this scene that we find what I expect will be the first of many panels (I read the first three issues at once as part of Marvel's Timely line, so I've been able to connect the dots a bit) that will make you look at Devil Dinosaur and say "aaaaaawwwww." His expression as Moon Boy says (presumably) his final words are as tender as any sad puppy's face,<br />
<br />
Lunella manages to get her "omni-wave projector" to stop spinning, but is pretty shocked, as are her teacher and classmates, when she is almost jumped by a bunch of Australopithecines. Then she is even <i>more </i>surprised when a giant red mothafucking T-REX with fiery eyes rampages through the portal! There was a time when even I thought one Sharknado was laughable, then each sequel further chipped away my hope for humanity. But one film about a vortex filled with T-Rexes would totally reverse my esteem in the world we live in.<br />
<br />
Devil Dinosaur chases the five of them down, tearing through the high chainlink fence of the schoolyard only for the Killer Folk to find refuge down a New York subway, where Devil Dinosaur is far too large to reach. Also, I think he might be a little tangled up in the remnants of the fence. Either that, or due to prior visitations to our time/reality/planet, he has learned only to cross the street at a crosswalk.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UjrffRPepnp5RzwBZqnB5QqEgFfZl9crs0vPlNMbadRlfTg7-RM40tbUKiXbebD2UxW_gizRJJkZaCCB9x8aGkclCZkdMUmKtDBrzwQTMbBV-07mJFWwc6cXvG4L296MUpRoO4U8uzc/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1UjrffRPepnp5RzwBZqnB5QqEgFfZl9crs0vPlNMbadRlfTg7-RM40tbUKiXbebD2UxW_gizRJJkZaCCB9x8aGkclCZkdMUmKtDBrzwQTMbBV-07mJFWwc6cXvG4L296MUpRoO4U8uzc/s400/06.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at those eyes. They'd be wet with tears if they weren't all fiery.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Lunella is apparently not down with his roaring because she yells at him to stop. Smart kid. A real genius. She's maybe 60 pounds soaking wet and she just caught the attention to, as far as she knows, a dangerous prehistoric apex predator (yes, I know paleontologists argue that T-Rex was a scavenger, but fuck that noise). He leans in and sniffs at her while she begs him not to kill her. He acquiesces and instead takes her by the backpack with his teeth and stomps away into the busy streets of Manhattan. Did he sniff something of importance from her? Do Marvel's child geniuses secrete a special pheromone that is catnip to theropods? Or did he make an immediate associate between her and Moon Boy from the moon on her shirt? Wait, didn't she wear that shirt yesterday? Is she like Doug Funnie and has an entire wardrobe of the same outfit? We need answers, Marvel!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWAxPD4a5jLiqPIKY1S0aOd37-K8r5cZ7jk1jTjVIfN0SjZnblcK1vsU3YVJhE3uxieeljALIS4PmEDxrMqnGRazmzyVfFSNW2jfT2BkSkVAwiFUfpZUetO4A9VjtaInyGHsTR8sW7FI/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWAxPD4a5jLiqPIKY1S0aOd37-K8r5cZ7jk1jTjVIfN0SjZnblcK1vsU3YVJhE3uxieeljALIS4PmEDxrMqnGRazmzyVfFSNW2jfT2BkSkVAwiFUfpZUetO4A9VjtaInyGHsTR8sW7FI/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And this probably isn't even the oddest think to happen <i>that day</i> in <br />
Marvel's Manhattan.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So, this is exactly what I want out of a non-superhero book in a lot of ways. It has one of my favorite Marvel standards: a child genius who actually acts like a kid. Okay, she isn't exactly a ball of sunshine, but considering kids can be horrible, I think it works. She has a lot in common with Damian Wayne, who is one of my favorite current DC characters for exactly that reason. She's too intelligent to click with her age group, but she lacks the emotional maturity (read: humility) to have a place at the grown up table, either. I also like that despite the fact that her co-lead is a freaking mutant T-Rex, her problems seem smaller in scope than the average current stories I end up reading. This isn't a life or death story with impossibly high, Earth shattering stakes. It's wacky adventure with one very old character and one very new character, both of whom do not fit into the standard comic book protagonist mold. And I cannot wait to continue reading it.<br />
<br />
Next Week: Grab a bowl of popcorn and fire up your dvd/bluray player as I take a look at the infamously, comically abysmal final season of X-Men The Animated Series. Bad animation fashion show, here we come!<br />
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katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-42260839628868392682016-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:002016-08-03T21:13:21.758-07:00It sucks to be Bruce<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Okay, I had an opportunity to recharge after finishing up the twelve-issue see-saw of quality that was DC's <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths. </i>I had some fun with a one-and-done read, but now I need to return to my primary objective with this blog: deep dives into DC's often puzzling approach to continuity. When I first embarked upon this project, I threw myself into the deep end, but I'm making a bit more of a measured move with the next project. After all, huge company-wide crossovers don't always represent how continuity works quite the way that the individual long-running flagship titles do. Additionally, we must ask ourselves, what is the nature of the beast born from adapting one of their flagship character's original stories? Yes, friends, it is time for us to look at the exploits of Batman as he gets beaten over the head with his own complex continuity. Join me as I explore <i>Batman: Under the Red Hood.</i><br>
<br>
Batman #535 is written by Judd Winick, pencils by Doug Mahnke, inks by Tom Nguyen, and colors by Alex Sinclair. Additionally, cover art was provided by Matt Wagner.<br>
<i><br></i>
Admittedly, I have a bias going into this because it was written by Judd Winick. Best known as an old school alumnus of <i>The Real World, </i>his experiences there opened his journey into comics when he penned an autobiographical graphic novel <i>Pedro and Me, </i>about friendship with his late housemate on the show, AIDS educator Pedro Zemora. It was widely acclaimed and garnered him several awards, including the Eisner and a GLAAD Media Award for best Comic Book. However, it is admittedly not why I'm going to have trouble staying objective (even though I think it's important). No, that honor goes to Marvel's <i>Exiles</i>. It was effectively X-Men meets Sliders, but that doesn't do it justice. The feel and tone of the book was more akin to a late teens/early 20's roadtrip, which tends to be one of my favorite story frameworks in comics. He also tends to fall into the Joss Whedon school of storytelling, in that he is more concerned with writing an emotionally satisfying narrative than anything else. So going into this, I know that Winick can hit all the right emotional buttons. I'm going to try to remain objective, but I want own up to that before we begin.<br>
<br>
Issue number 635 starts us off and I have to say Mark Wagner's cover art is beautiful. It hearkens back to the art deco style of Batman TAS, which by 2005 had no doubt had brought in a whole generation of lifetime readers. It's actually basic in concept: Batman fighting a foe. Simple. Effective. It's interesting to note that he is facing down the Red Hood, but not <i>the</i> Red Hood we will be dealing with in this story. Like I said, this story is an interesting exploration of Batman's own history and I'm sure this little tidbit will pay off in the long run.<br>
<br>
In typical noir superhero fashion, we start out with an introduction not of our characters, but of our harsh world. Ah, Gotham... it's basically the lovechild of Al Capone-era Chicago and 70's/80's New York City. How the fuck does its department of tourism earn its keep? We zoom in on one of its most downtrodden citizens just to personalize what a horrible place this is... because eco terrorists, clay monsters, and psychotic killer clowns who regularly poison the water supply wasn't sufficient evidence. David "Tipper" Coates is a runaway who has been living on the streets after leaving an abandoned homelife and things have only gotten worse for him since then, He is either the witness of, victim of, or perpetrator of beatings, drugs, and various forms of prostitution. The coup de grace in this boy's personal sack of shit is that the pulpy narration thinks he'd be even worse off if he had a better vantage point of the city.<br>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the risk of shooting their wad early, they gave us exactly<br>what they promised in this story straight away.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On that note, we cut to a huge two-page splash of our titular hero in close combat with our eponymous foe. Batman vs the Red Hood. Remember how I said that we wouldn't be dealing with the same Red Hood that appeared on the cover? Well, at least sartorially speaking, the one we end up with in the actual story is a downgrade. On the cover, we are promised the original one. DC's continuity is kind of wonky, so we will definitely talk about who that is at a later date, but suffice to say the original cut a figure. Okay, his helmet is kind of ridiculous, but look at that tux. Look at that dazzling cape! The Red Hood we'll come to know sports more of a casual biker ensemble. But at least his helmet is less... phallic.<br>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was that or the Adidas.</td></tr>
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And we get this fantastic blow by blow fight scene between the two of them, I don't know if "impressed" is something Batman is capable of, but at the very least, he acknowledges that Red has skills. Using his twisted dagger, he slices through Batman's suit. Most first time hoods are a little sketchy on whether Batman is an urban legend or not, but this guy just <i>happens</i> to be armed with a blade capable of cutting through Batman's beyond state of the art battle suit. That shouldn't be possible.<br>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Quick side note: for a guy supposedly straddling the line between man and myth, Batman is probably not helping to maintain his mystique by wearing boots with bat symbols in the treads.</div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Red Hood even manages to unmask the Caped Crusader. Just for a sense of significance, the only other for that I know of who has managed to see him unmasked broke his freaking back, so that's a huge deal. </div>
<div>
<br></div>
<div>
Of course, our adversary is not without a sense of fair play, so he too unmasks, though we don't see the reveal. Batman however is shocked and does the patented "no... It can't be" reaction. Being a lifelong X-fan, I'm just going to assume it's Erik the Red.<br>
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And then we smashcut to five weeks ago.<br>
<br>
Yes, I know you were expecting to find out who is under the red hood, but then again where would the mystery be?<br>
<br>
The POV shifts to Alfred, who is left with the task of tidying up some of the recent events for readers just hopping on with this story.<br>
<br>
Alfred is generally one of my favorite members of the Batman ensemble. He's one of the best surrogate father figures in Western Pop Culture and at least in my book is on par with Rupert Giles from <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>. I always find it funny that my read of him shifts from that of a doting if sardonic uncle who is proud of Bruce's commitment to bettering the world, to that of a man who has to snark constantly in order to cope with the fact his best friends' son is so messed up that now he gallivants around the city dressed like a bat.<br>
<br>
And in an ideal version I think he's kind of both.<br>
<br>
He sees Bruce Wayne in a way that I don't think Bruce even does (partially because I think Bruce is arguably the mask, but that's a ramble for another time). Other heroes, villains, and even the other members of the Bat family see Batman as this larger than life figure, a methodical general among men who is not to be trifled with. The world at large sees Bruce Wayne as a care free, over-indulgent multi-billionaire trust fund baby. But Alfred still sees the little boy who has been robbed of the two people who mean the most to him in the world, a boy in pain and in need of an outlet and support. Of course, when Thomas and Martha Wayne were laid to rest, I highly suspect that supporting Bruce would eventually lead to suturing Bruce's wounds on the regular.<br>
<br>
A huge Bat-family crossover called "War Games" just wrapped up, and it dealt quite a blow to the Bat books, so the book does its best to use the tragedies of "War Games" as a springboard for this story. What you need to know: someone died and Batman's ties to his typical partners in Gotham have been severed. Later we will find out that he actually issued a fiat to all the other crime fighters in Gotham, ordering them out of his city, with the exceptions of Catwoman, who he only has a marginal ability to influence on the regular and another character we'll be meeting in the near future. Considering Batman is a character whose coping skills, at least in terms of loss and grief, crystalized when he was 10, shutting out his nearest and dearest actually sounds pretty consistent with his character. I bet he also has a plush toy he cuddles with and to whom he confides all his secrets.<br>
<br>
So, everything sucks to be Batman these days. What about Bruce Wayne? On cue, Lucius Fox shows up and despite Alfred assuring that Bruce is unavailable, he isn't going anywhere until he's had some facetime. Batman has to take some time away from his intensified brooding schedule to put on the Bruce Wayne mask and heads topside. Lucius informs him that Wayne Industries entire R&D department has been bought out from under their noses. For Bruce Wayne, it's a financial pebble in his shoe. For Batman however, it's a critical loss. It means that at best, the equipment he already has will end up getting outstripped eventually. At worst, it means that the same calibre of cutting edge combat equipment he has been embezzling for years are now going to be available to crazies thanks to that damn free market capitalism I keep hearing about. Of course, it's different if you're the type of crazy that involves dressing up like a bat. That's the kind of crazy we encourage to have armored cars, stealth planes, and shark repellent.<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1MjQEL6eNZf5M0awEnPuOE9I3ZnMT7b1VQ0dBtP3LOuK3pgqC6OB84xdN3Zw_n_BK1d9Dbvr0KTnqKk7NY_vgn2qPQUcQB2l0bdV9C-Qs5jY8WPcDg0PjlMP2E8iAq-Quj9Epj3pmEM/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1MjQEL6eNZf5M0awEnPuOE9I3ZnMT7b1VQ0dBtP3LOuK3pgqC6OB84xdN3Zw_n_BK1d9Dbvr0KTnqKk7NY_vgn2qPQUcQB2l0bdV9C-Qs5jY8WPcDg0PjlMP2E8iAq-Quj9Epj3pmEM/s320/04.JPG" width="320"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where is he going to get all those wonderful toys now?</td></tr>
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Of course, my beloved, stalwart Alfred has the best response to Bruce's true, if a bit self-important appraisal.<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1mHRCdA8O8Btt6oPh7aI_f86TYkiDlV1b5hgdmT0Oybyss-moupEUS8MII-HJmFVaa2ZXThmnqfZ3vXprIiSTZoQYCUiT8wJB_Ty4HcWYFYOf9DdW-Y3cXw7gyfRBJfltUgS_EF0JycE/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1mHRCdA8O8Btt6oPh7aI_f86TYkiDlV1b5hgdmT0Oybyss-moupEUS8MII-HJmFVaa2ZXThmnqfZ3vXprIiSTZoQYCUiT8wJB_Ty4HcWYFYOf9DdW-Y3cXw7gyfRBJfltUgS_EF0JycE/s1600/05.JPG"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Truth.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Now, riddle me this: can you think of a time where both Batman and Bruce Wayne both got the short end of the stick? Yes, Batman has been through the wringer before but has Bruce ever been dealt a hand that caused such a setback both for himself and his alter ego? Hell, Bruce isn't even having any success at feigning his usual persona. He was caught with his pants down when his latest beard was reported actually dating someone else out of town. He is failing so hard on all fronts and the weird thing is the art doesn't reflect a man out of sorts. He looks like he almost expects this sort of shit in his life. No wonder he can emotionally cope with evicting the other capes from the city-- even the ones he has legally adopted. He has been prepared to be a failure as a person for ages it seems.</div><div><br></div><div>
Elsewhere, we find ourselves across town in a warehouse after hours where we have a meeting of the minds among the heads of several drug cartels, none of whom know who sent out the invite. These gangs all are under the thumb of Black Mask, Gotham's current mafia kingpin. As it turns out, they meet their host when Red Hood calls the meeting to order. He makes them an offer to earn their loyalty which is better than what they presently have under Black Mask and would offer protection from both Batman and Black Mask. His only stipulation would be that selling on schools or to minors in general is strictly verboten.<br>
<br>
When questioned why they should do business with him, Red Hood throws down a duffel bag and everyone is aghast at its contents. The severed heads of all their capos are inside. Red tells them that he tracked down and collected their heads in the span of two hours and that he could do a whole lot worse over the course of a whole night. He makes it clear that his business offer was not a request as he pulls out a semi and goes to town on the duffel of severed heads. Everyone is on board. Yeah. A+ for intimidation.<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2u2yKasSIJ_JHpHgrDXarC_oHjOfR2AfhvtL1lHHcqScd69QL1zxuOMmur73jLPCe4LYBgACJGbwk09Rl1XGCVS7FRJ_zd-jI1sdYzK3wLkfeM2wHmaM73Nk2QRbzyYyq2dbEHBOTsuA/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2u2yKasSIJ_JHpHgrDXarC_oHjOfR2AfhvtL1lHHcqScd69QL1zxuOMmur73jLPCe4LYBgACJGbwk09Rl1XGCVS7FRJ_zd-jI1sdYzK3wLkfeM2wHmaM73Nk2QRbzyYyq2dbEHBOTsuA/s400/06.JPG" width="400"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here and I thought Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag would be funny...</td></tr>
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Sometime later, Black Mask, whose head is a blackened skull for reasons that I'm sure will make not the slightest difference to the narrative, should I ever find out, is being told about this development by his own number two guy. Black Mask is very affable, more of a mogul than your typical Bat baddie. He doesn't rage over it. He doesn't even kill random henchmen as a coping mechanism. This is not the type of Bat-foe I'm accustomed to. Or at least not the gimmicky Bat foe, anyway. He's closer to Carmine Falcone or Rupert Thorne. Except with a skull for a face because by the mid '00s, even the crime bosses had to be as weird as the actual Arkhamites. Observe the results of escalation, folks.<br>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ru13dJhsenL_WBieykmq6swytM0HwKotPu0gVKWJVWWsbszMFZvpqsXCMTKQCSpykXsSbfHCjcuzWHkMG2iHcrbKYQMMMixuO9U4qvJ3hAfEyrPGVMFoxBG_23pD-fKeZ5KZiHsqvUY/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ru13dJhsenL_WBieykmq6swytM0HwKotPu0gVKWJVWWsbszMFZvpqsXCMTKQCSpykXsSbfHCjcuzWHkMG2iHcrbKYQMMMixuO9U4qvJ3hAfEyrPGVMFoxBG_23pD-fKeZ5KZiHsqvUY/s320/07.JPG" width="208"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mr Freeze cannot pull off they Jersey Shore<br>look. No cheeto tan.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
His solution is quite simple. Hire a crazy person who uses freeze guns. Yup. We have a final page reveal of Mr, Freeze, who seems to be down on his luck, looking worse for wear. He's been reduced to living in a walk-in freezer and wearing a torn up tank top. And he's looking forward to the opportunity to having more cash flow and the opportunity to amass a body count.<br>
<br>
As far as the first issue of a new arc goes, this one is actually pretty good. I mean yeah, the timejump start kind of bugs me, especially how tired that particular narrative device is in 2016. However, it does have the virtue of being pretty a well executed fight scene. That aside, once we start dealing with characters we get excellent character work. Batman is challenged in a way he typically doesn't, as is Bruce Wayne which I find interesting. Meanwhile, our villain is clearly setting a lot of wheels in motion without ever entangling directly either characters who he sets up as his chosen adversaries. Red Hood is so obviously a chaos gamer. He's setting up dominoes and waiting for others with more clout to knock them down for him. Well played.<br>
<br>
I want to ping pong between the Big Two and hopefully a third option a bit more regularly, so next week we're going to take a look at Marvel's latest spin on the "A Boy And His X" Narrative. It's a story 65 million years in the making, folks. </div>
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katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-55337849956172482322016-07-27T08:00:00.000-07:002016-07-27T08:00:01.090-07:00Teenage Mutant Disney Princess<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3Zgv5Mgrv75M3PDrUu7Oon4jt65n9STPzlltB2Di6T6-uSxDiKef4qNVnTFKU7f-3dGHWsVDH6s7ff2p_R6WiOiqNPQMq9OxNtXWsE1n2-cKc1hgZTlFrP5qItImeIXftYx2vc3KBWM/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid3Zgv5Mgrv75M3PDrUu7Oon4jt65n9STPzlltB2Di6T6-uSxDiKef4qNVnTFKU7f-3dGHWsVDH6s7ff2p_R6WiOiqNPQMq9OxNtXWsE1n2-cKc1hgZTlFrP5qItImeIXftYx2vc3KBWM/s320/00.JPG" width="320" /></a>I know I said I was going to review Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III this week, but honestly I <br />
couldn't bring myself to think too hard about it. I can sum it up in two points: 1) What is up with the downgrade in the Turtle and Splinter puppets? Why do the Turtles have so many teeth? Turtles don't even have teeth! 2. The first two movies were silly and fun, but it's another matter entirely when they drag poor, maligned history along for the ride.<br />
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Instead, I decided to treat you all to something I didn't to be doing in this blog: indie comics. I am staying on-theme however, by looking into the very first issue of <i>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. </i>Originally published by Mirage Studios, so named because there was no physical studio, Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman's <i>Teenage</i> <i>Mutant Ninja Turtles </i>only resembles what we now recognize as TMNT today in basic structure and premise. The characterization and tone of the subsequent animated series and films created a divergence that the original creators reportedly regret to this day. I'm going to put a pin on that for now, since I don't want to give away too much in my preamble.<br />
<br />
Although, some historical context is needed. Firstly, this was conceived of as a one-shot, one that the fledgling comic creators scrimped, saved, and borrowed in order to afford to make. As was common for indie comics at the time, it was a black and white bare bones endeavor. Laird wrote the story and handled the inking. Eastman did pencils and lettering.<br />
<br />
Interestingly, it is a stealth parody combining elements of four different popular comics of the day. There was Marvel's <i>New Mutants</i>, the first ongoing X-Men spinoff, featuring a younger class of teenage mutants. Secondly, there was DC's <i>Ronin</i> and Marvel's <i>Daredevil</i>, which both heavily feature ninjas, and Aardvark-Vanaheim's <i>Cerebus</i>, which featured a cast of anthropomorphic, talking animals. Teenage mutants... ninjas... and talking animals. Add them altogether and what do you get? Yes, I'm sure that's exactly how that brainstorming session went. The creators probably just looked at their pull list one week and these four titles just happened to be on the table next to each other and "Eureka!"<br />
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Even without color, this cover is pretty amazing. But then I notice Laird's signature down at the bottom of the page is from 1992. Apparently, this was the fifth reprint. I've also tracked down what I <b>think</b> is the cover of the original print, To be honest I'd much rather talk about the beautiful work on display in the later work, with its line work and shadows. However, it would be unfair of me to judge the internal art of the original by the same metric as the cover art of the fifth reprint, considering by then Laird had 8 more years of experience under his belt.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicr1R6KKaec6oSaYdxPUgPW_PtGnwSiRc57E9kFsGSkjfn4GBbfgRa6J_KWyWKC_TPgydM29QtAjMSJ_rgNcPEYa1dcZRgKCOuyEE2jwYwP6HCGG6-9p9GTyxUxbK096fmLQZprSn9qkw/s1600/00a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicr1R6KKaec6oSaYdxPUgPW_PtGnwSiRc57E9kFsGSkjfn4GBbfgRa6J_KWyWKC_TPgydM29QtAjMSJ_rgNcPEYa1dcZRgKCOuyEE2jwYwP6HCGG6-9p9GTyxUxbK096fmLQZprSn9qkw/s320/00a.jpg" width="215" /></a>At first glance, I thought the original cover looked very busy due to the shading relying heavily on a crosshatching technique that resulted in the cover looking very granular and somewhat fuzzy, but I do think lends itself to the shadowy ambiance that Laird seemed to be going for. However, a point in the original cover's favor is that the rendering of the turtles themselves better resembles what we'll see in the comic itself, whereas the latter cover from 1992 illustrates Laird having refined their aesthetic over time. Both are actually pretty stunning, regardless. We begin our adventure this issue at the onset of battle. The brothers are striking an honestly badass team battle stance as Leonardo's voiceover sets the tone. There is a sense of pride and loyalty in his brothers and in just in their very prowess. They apparently took a wrong turn down a city alley and found themselves cornered by a gang called the Purple Dragons (a shout out to <i>The Sword in the Stone</i>, maybe?). Luckily, they are ready for the mean streets of pre-Giuliani New York and came with melee weapons.</div>
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He gives at least some basic insight into who they are. We find out that Donatello is the one with the bo staff and Michaelangelo has nunchakus, but we have slightly more details about himself and Raphael. He describes himself holding his katana as "a relaxed ready position," whereas Raph is described as "quivering with a tense energy waiting to be triggered into savage, slashing release. Okay, so we don't get too much insight into Donnie and Mikey, but we at least know that Leo and Raph's main attributes are set in stone pretty early. Leo isn't necessarily marked out as the leader, but he his stance suggests that he is a more balanced, even-tempered combatant. Whereas Raphael seems to have a lot of aggression he needs to get out of his system, which seems to be his key characteristic in every adaptation except the 1987 animated series.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everyone pose so you look cool before you go mainstream<br />in three years!</td></tr>
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Sidebar: I find it interesting just comparing and contrasting the four Turtles' personalities. Assuming Donnie and Mikey are the same as their later characterizations, it's interesting to note that the two bladed weapon users are both the most similar and the most fractious personalities. They are both alpha males, but whereas Leonardo is focused on leadership and fostering teamwork and unity, Raphael seems focused on self-actualization. Whereas the two non-bladed weapon users are both beta males, one of them is an excellent, supportive contributor to missions with his own unique skillset, and the other is Michaelango. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Raphael Action figurecomes with flying fatality action.</td></tr>
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The Purple Dragons confuse our heroes for a bunch of guys in turtle costumes, but it must not be Halloween, because they open fire on them. Or maybe it is Halloween and they're incredibly aggressive Jehovah's Witnesses. Of course, bringing a knife to a gun fight doesn't exactly seem to be a problem for the brothers. In fact, Raph seems to be completely in his element.<br />
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Now, had you grown up watching the original animated series, as I did, you may be taken aback by the fact that they're fighting actual human beings and not robot ninjas dressed like ninjas by way of the putty patrol. However, these aren't your father's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and they straight-up kill (or at least sliced open) at least one of these guys without hesitation. </div>
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Of course, even though they aren't graphic about...</div>
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...It's still pretty explicit. </div>
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Once the four have slashed, stabbed, and bludgeoned the Purple Dragon into submission, they hear the approach of police sirens, so they slip into the shadows and down a storm drain, as is the way of jinjitsu. Check your handbooks. All ninjas travel by sewers. </div>
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The Turtles return to their home where they tell their father, a rat about their first battle. It would behoove us to take a second to reflect on that sentence and contemplate what a reader in 1984 would make of this without a 90 second animated theme song explaining it to them. Four giant anthropomorphic martial artist turtles just came home to their father, who is a giant anthropomorphic rat. Mm-kay. There's high concept and then there's reading your mad libs outloud. </div>
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Their father Splinter is proud of his sons and decides that tonight they have proven themselves after one battle against a bunch of nameless mooks and that they are now skilled enough for a task that he has had in mind since he first began their training 13 years ago, but more on that later. He can't issue their orders without providing an extended backstory on their own origins, ostensibly for the Turtles' benefit. </div>
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Now, if you've seen anything except the recent Michael Bay films, you know at least some variation of this origin story. Their origin story is actually what originally gave me the thought that reviewing the third film in the franchise might have been an interesting idea. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, by the very nature of their origin are inexorably linked to Japan (the rat is even in the Japanese zodiac), and yet they are incredibly Westernized characters. In fact, allegorically Splinter and his sons could easily be read as an immigrant father whose first generation children are culturally so different from him that they practically look like they come from as completely different walks of life as a rat and a turtle. </div>
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But on with the backstory. </div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7zbBIu7YL9E/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/7zbBIu7YL9E?feature=player_embedded" style="clear: right; float: right;" width="320"></iframe>Twenty years ago, Splinter was a mere pet rat in Japan. His owner, Hamato Yoshi kept him in his dojo. This makes me wonder why he ended up with a name like Splinter. A community pet tends to have more cutesy names like Snowball, Nibbler, or Mr. Squeaks. Of course, I don't speak Japanese. According to google translate, Splinter is 破片, which transliterates to "hahen." Even so, I'm no Japanophone, so I have no sense of what sounds "cute" in Japanese... except for anything this lady will ever say. </div>
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Splinter learns the art of ninjitsu by observing and replicating Hamato Yoshi's training from his cage. Yoshi himself being the greatest shadow warrior of his clan. The initiated might be surprised to learn that said clan was in fact The Foot Clan. Yes, generally the main villains (or the he henchmen thereof) of the Turtles in most incarnations. This causes me to wonder whether Yoshi's own hands were clean, proverbially speaking. One could make the argument that either they only turned to crime after Yoshi's departure or that the antipathy is the result of a vendetta, but come on. They are essentially a yakuza crime family. I think Splinter doesn't dwell too heavily on Yoshi's occupation because he didn't have first-hang experience of him in that context, only the master-pet/sensei-student context. I'd be curious to see if that little detail later comes back to challenge Splinter's sense of identity later on in the comics. Of course, Splinter does skip that little plot point completely in both the animated series and feature films, so perhaps it does get addressed in the comics. Who knows?<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Rat see, rat do.<br /></td></tr>
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Hamato Yoshi had a lady love in the form of Tang Shen. Shen had eyes only for Yoshi, but unfortunately she had an unwanted admirer who was also from within the ranks of the Foot Clan by the name of Oroku Nagi. It's And it suddenly occurs to me that there are quite a number of fictional properties with an Othelloic love triangle triangle very central to its mythos, where there is a true and enduring pair of lovers and either a villainous or unpleasant hypotenuse in the equation. The X-Men has had actually quite a few, at least one involving clones and cosmic deities, but I think the Cyclops/Jean/Wolverine pairing is the most readily familiar (even if it's never a big a deal in the comics as in the films), Reed Richards, depending on the continuity and the era, had to contend with both the morally capricious Namor and the outright egomaniacal Dr. Doom for Sue Storm's affection, Guinevere had to choose between her marital duty to Arthur or her passion for Lancelot, hell, Gargoyles had two such pairing tethered close to their origins, and knowing that series' tendency towards Shakespearean allusions, I doubt it was unintentional. </div>
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Nagi, being the aforementioned Iago in this love triangle, did not take being spurned lightly. His reaction, being a one-dimensional villain with no redeeming characteristics was apparently attempting forcing his way into Tang Shen's home and "demanded that she love him." When she refused him, he did what any sane, reasonable MRA would do and proceeds to beat her. So, yeah. This looks like a textbook case of a violent case of selfish love, or what TV Tropes refers to as an "If I Can't Have You." </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So, are we supposed to think Hamato Yoshi was a good guy or what?</td></tr>
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Fortunately for Shen, Yoshi arrives shortly into this assault. The sight of his lady love battered at Nagi's hands sends him flying into a blinding rage and he kills Nagi. I have to say this issue has a talent for being non-graphic in its violence and yet completely transparent. Even in black and white, cutting from an enraged Hamato Yoshi to a closeup of his balled fists dripping with blood is pretty effective. </div>
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Being that he is an honorable ninja/assassin in a fairly fetischized version of late 20th Century Japanese culture, having slain his fellow clan member leaves him with two possible options. There's always good, old, classic <i>seppuku</i>, honorable suicide, or getting the hell out of dodge. Well, the latter option provided him the opportunity of continued nooky with the woman he just committed homicide for, so he packed up his girlfriend and his pet rat and traveled to New York City. </div>
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Now, I'm sure you're wondering why this sounds slightly different than other versions of the Turtles' backstory you might be familiar with. That might be because in most other versions, Hamato Yoshi's rival later becomes the main series antagonist, Shredder. Pretty hard to become a Shredder when you've just been shredded. Well, it turns out that this isn't the character you're thinking of. Oroku Nagi may have died at Yoshi's hands, but his little brother Okoku Saki, though a wee bairn at the time, swore his revenge. Ever look at Spider-Man's rogue's gallery and counted out how many of them have been the descendants and/or younger siblings of villains Spider-Man defeated but hadn't managed to keep from getting themselves killed? </div>
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Although, the origins of their conflict are a lot more petty than any of your legacy Spider-foes. It's a lot more like how on Gargoyles, the Canmore family, aka The Hunters, swore vengeance against Demona for generations because she scarred their great-great-great(x30) grandfather because she scarred his face with raiding their pantry. Yeah. That's basically this. </div>
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While Yoshi and Shen settled in America and established a well respected martial arts academy, Saki trained for years and climbed the ranks in the Foot Clan. Apparently, you can join up practically straight out of the womb because at the tender age of 18, he had risen to the point where not only was he considered leadership material, but they trusted him enough to send him to the other side of the globe and open a branch of the Foot in New York. Imagine applying that same logic to a kid who was hired by McDonalds at 16 and showed a lot of potential, then sending her off to open up a brand new and as soon as that high school diploma is in her hand, she gets shipped off to open a franchise in New Delhi. I'm just going to keep this mental image of the squeaky-voiced teenager from <i>The Simpsons</i> cosplaying as Shredder for the remainder of the issue. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As long as he gets a signature of a parent of legal guardian first.</td></tr>
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After setting up shop in NYC, Saki's Foot Clan set up a criminal monopoly, particularly as assassins. It was during this time that he earned his title as The Shredder. He had already adopted his tradmark blade-encrusted helmet, gloves, and epaulets. Hm... was Shredder the patient zero of gratuitous spikes, impractical, arch shoulder pads in the 80s the same way Longshot was the genesis of mullets, flashy eyes, and bandoliers? Now, if only</div>
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Time in the backstory elapses so that we are now 15 years out from where Splinter started. The average lifespan of a rat is 3 years. Assuming he was a little pup (yeah, I had to look up the term for baby rats. It's either that or kittens) and bought at the pet store a few weeks before Yoshi and Nagi's fateful confrontation, he would have already been in a state of advanced old age.</div>
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Shredder enacts his revenge, first by killing Shen, then laying in wait for Yoshi. He guts Splinter's owner like a fish, but in the struggle, Splinter's cage gets smashed and the little aged rodent scrambles away from the crime scene and ends up living in the sewers. </div>
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So far, this sounds more or less like any other version of the Turtle's origin story you've heard before, right? Well, buckle in, kiddies. Things are about to get weird. </div>
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One day, while digging through a trashcan, little rat Splinter effectively witnesses Daredevil's origin story. Remember how I cited both <i>Daredevil</i> and <i>Ronin</i> as inspirations for the "Ninja" of TMNT? That is true, but while <i>Ronin</i>'s influence brings in the honorable ninja warrior ethos, <i>Daredevil'</i>s influence brings in this wonderful instance of silver age logic.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm surprised there isn't a Stan Lee cameo in this sequence.</td></tr>
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So, Daredevil's origin story has young Matt Murdoch jump into the street to rescue a blind old man from being hit by a truck carrying radioactive materials. The old man get's rescued, but a barrel rolls out of the truck and drenches young Matt Murdoch with the materials, causing him to lose his eyesight, but enhancing all his other senses tenfold. Sidebar: Daredevil #1 is probably going to be an entry on the blog one day. Stan Lee's inadvertent homoeroticism cannot go unaddressed. </div>
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In this version however, it goes slightly differently. The canister literally bounces off the boy's face. Unless that thing was porous or there was some toxic material smeared on the closure of the container, there is no way he would have become Daredevil in this timeline. That canister must be made from elastic because it bounces around like a rubber ball until it hits a boy carrying a fishbowl with four baby turtles in it, shattering the bowl and causing both the turtles and the canister itself to fall down an open manhole that apparently the kid was just standing in front of, just in the hopes of being part of an improbable Rube Goldberg scenario. Who leaves an open manhole unattended? Where the hell are this kid's parents? God, it must have been both really liberating and dangerous to be a kid in pre-Giuliani NYC. </div>
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Now, I know this is nitpicking, but it kind of makes me laugh that Splinter mentions how various debris in the sewers cushioned their fall and yet it's in that same debris, after having bounced several times on the hard concrete up above, that the canister finally shatters and douses the turtles in ooze. Splinter had scurried down to the sewer and gathered them up in an old coffee can and ended up getting covered in the ooze too in the process of wrangling them up. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"They can say my name? I'll train them to be assassins, obvsly!"</td></tr>
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The origin pretty much follows the standard set from this point on. Soon they began to grow in size and intelligence, the latter more markedly in Splinter's case. Eventually they began talking and walking upright. Splinter names them after four Renaissance masters from an old book he found in the sewer and spends 13 years training them in the art of ninjitsu. Oh, and another layer of Daredevil riffing is now upon us. Just as Matt Murdoch received his training from an old man named "Stick," the Turtles were trained by an old rat named "Splinter." Follow the clues, ladies and gents. </div>
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I find it incredibly improbably that in the interceding 15 years, with nobody to talk to other than his sons, Splinter, who was already incredibly old by rat standards prior to his mutation, never started yammering on about the good old days. However, he explains why he waited a decade and a half to explain their existence (and to be fair, their existence is fairly tangential to the discussion at hand). </div>
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Now that he recognizes that his sons' skills are at their peak, again he comes to this conclusion after they had engaged in all of one combat scenario that he did not witness firsthand, it is time to send them on a murder quest. Yup. You read that correctly. The heroes of later iterations were just trained assassins in this one. He has had a score to settle since before he even attained sapience. He must avenge the death of his fallen master by slaying his killer, Oroku Saki. </div>
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And I will not tell a lie: this popped into my head to the tune of a certain 1939 MGM film song... "We're off to kill the Shredder!"</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7XWeat5ukET10ssHVYuA7tT7iNFV3LFILbZD_cNyQQtNKVvIkIoxta_Hy-1ciZEep77DJKwgaH21fgA8LejOJU0qodFYJki2mI15Weq_GMBSZbyg_bxMBa8KYc6J9XCjcoV5sj-XfikE/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7XWeat5ukET10ssHVYuA7tT7iNFV3LFILbZD_cNyQQtNKVvIkIoxta_Hy-1ciZEep77DJKwgaH21fgA8LejOJU0qodFYJki2mI15Weq_GMBSZbyg_bxMBa8KYc6J9XCjcoV5sj-XfikE/s320/09.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He wants to be part of your world.</td></tr>
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From here, we switch gears a bit. Raphael is on his own topside and we get some insight into his personality. As it turns out, he hates being cooped up down in the sewers. His brothers seem perfectly content to live their lives down there, but not him. He longs to be out in the world, longing for <i>something more</i>. And suddenly it hit me that Raphael, in all his incarnations, has the makings of a snarky, violent, temperamental Disney Princess. He wants to be where the people are. He wants adventure in the great wide somewhere. He wants to be out there among the millers, and the weavers, and their wives... okay, Quasimodo isn't exactly a princess. You got me there. Being a ninja, he clearly wants to bring honor to us all. He more than likely wouldn't want to be in an arranged marriage, and that pretty much covers every other Disney Princess ever. Oh, and he loves his siblings even if he doesn't quite get them. Frozen. Even in the way he's typically characterized, it fits, albeit for a combat-intensive universe. He's always depicted as out of step with his brothers. They all have distinct personalities, but he's always the one who the others can't quite get. <span id="goog_1757896363"></span><span id="goog_1757896364"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a> </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Give her some sais and the resemblance is uncanny.</td></tr>
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Raphael: Reptilian Combat Ready Disney Princess. Make this movie happen, Disney! Live action. None of that CGI shit. </div>
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Now where was I? Oh, right. The plot.</div>
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Splinter has tasked Raph with a particular aspect of the mission: calling Shredder out. Yeah, apparently the act of honorably challenging your ninja opponent is a lot like telling your schoolyard enemy to meet at the flagpole at 3 for fisticuffs. Of course, being a ninja gang leader Shredder has a cadre of goons around his lair. Not that Raph has the slightest compunction about slicing up a bunch of hired goons. Remember: these Turtles are much more violent than they are in later iterations and Raph has rage issues, as a Disney Princess is wont to. </div>
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Once he has cut down his opposition, he sends a sai with a message wrapped around it flying through the window and lodging it into the wall of Oroku Saki's office. This happens just as he was wrapping up a meeting with some "constituents" about why they need his "protection." They question why they should be paying protection money to a man who can't keep armed men out of his compound. It is doubtful that under normal circumstances, Shredder had bothered responding to Splinter's challenge. After all, he's an unabashed mafioso and isn't bound by the demands of an honor code. However, making him look bad in front of men that he had just about put to heel changes the matter entirely. Shredder cares more about losing face in front of his subordinates.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf8OfxM_c6vY9z28KE-VrOmqBqqT0UiYJx1VkPzaf6DGxxxpBrugGsnAoMy3_7XvKqwf4Hw-s1C5i0Kb03ERb8ISrc5YY-lC8VEMeM06so74f5LFf8B7T1SjZ6rUid_zGZNZLU-fF-P3A/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf8OfxM_c6vY9z28KE-VrOmqBqqT0UiYJx1VkPzaf6DGxxxpBrugGsnAoMy3_7XvKqwf4Hw-s1C5i0Kb03ERb8ISrc5YY-lC8VEMeM06so74f5LFf8B7T1SjZ6rUid_zGZNZLU-fF-P3A/s320/11.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The Turtles await their foe up on a rooftop. As Shredder approaches, he seems to be more concerned about why he is being challenged over the murder of Hamato Yoshi after 15 years more than the fact that he is being challenged by a bunch of giant anthropomorphic turtles. Even when he does acknowledge that they are turtles, he never seems to so much as raise an eyebrow over this. His men certainly think it's odd. One even called them kappa (ancient Japanese demons). It makes me wonder whether he's a furry and seeing giant anthropomorphic turtles simply doesn't phase him. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0u7Zcr-ZIGX_PvOsEzaTSQfX7X2dTkrnnoBR8Ui3RGp-x4XTjvA4N5PCKgSEcSm_jm37Hy7B2uLCHNjC-M0DGKSVhpLvwEdFNOXes4hRSIqgVXyknQ8Uv0qPrx-YX2Yb2iIG9MPfmrLM/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0u7Zcr-ZIGX_PvOsEzaTSQfX7X2dTkrnnoBR8Ui3RGp-x4XTjvA4N5PCKgSEcSm_jm37Hy7B2uLCHNjC-M0DGKSVhpLvwEdFNOXes4hRSIqgVXyknQ8Uv0qPrx-YX2Yb2iIG9MPfmrLM/s320/14.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a><br />As I said, he is an unabashed baddie. So despite being instructed to come alone, he comes with a small legion of Foot Soldiers. The Turtles acknowledge that they're good, but not good enough. They manage to cut down everyone between them and Shredder, but Shredder is keen to point out that they've been bloodied up too in the scuffle. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT6ELyJp4GHjM_d5LvrhT9geyhMRBLFzohYUynJAilvAQVkYJacKATV4-WdSdkkVIVoE6jK4Np_RAHAkK89S6bB-jMQkBRFczDn0RPOcmiwH2rWivyqxwf8BmdqlXCzaJGB8tRFviyb_I/s1600/16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT6ELyJp4GHjM_d5LvrhT9geyhMRBLFzohYUynJAilvAQVkYJacKATV4-WdSdkkVIVoE6jK4Np_RAHAkK89S6bB-jMQkBRFczDn0RPOcmiwH2rWivyqxwf8BmdqlXCzaJGB8tRFviyb_I/s320/16.JPG" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsStZDwE0nLcc9AJQ6HnL5fsjMV1oECrFTUndembT14TeQ2fsPLT34usnFVax_cyKdKKIkxMAJ9tyeoR3gFp3YKvQsHmwc9dXHquy7sMhlieE_bX-I8vZKm5ktqNH0fOlhmI86ykw_-s8/s1600/15+let+our+powers+combine.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsStZDwE0nLcc9AJQ6HnL5fsjMV1oECrFTUndembT14TeQ2fsPLT34usnFVax_cyKdKKIkxMAJ9tyeoR3gFp3YKvQsHmwc9dXHquy7sMhlieE_bX-I8vZKm5ktqNH0fOlhmI86ykw_-s8/s320/15+let+our+powers+combine.JPG" width="115" /></a>One by one the brothers confront him, but Shredder is no hired goon. Then, oh right. The turtles remember this isn't Street Fighter and they can attack him altogether. Three of them launch throwing stars, throwing daggers, and even throwing sais (or just normal sais) at Shreddrer and while he is thrown off, they trip him, Donny whacks him from behind with his bo staff and even knocks off his mask before Shredder kicks him right in the nads. Finally Leo puts the kibosh on this battle by making Shredder a kabob, running him through with his katana. <br /><br />It wasn't a killing blow, however. The Turtles prize themselves on being honorable and give Shredder an opportunity to commit honorable suicide, with Leo extending the hilt of his own bloodied katana to him. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhneKOaYtW0jORn56eIG7dIDEu9wRpuUU1U1vRHclY9sS8IWDjqrT35pZcjr5mOOXs3bd-icI8j8nblrda10JsEAqPgcIOBS0q9y92lWx7phY9qiPVfxuonEYExrUsa-5FafHYmuiq3A-k/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhneKOaYtW0jORn56eIG7dIDEu9wRpuUU1U1vRHclY9sS8IWDjqrT35pZcjr5mOOXs3bd-icI8j8nblrda10JsEAqPgcIOBS0q9y92lWx7phY9qiPVfxuonEYExrUsa-5FafHYmuiq3A-k/s1600/17.JPG" /></a></div>
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Shredder has a contingency plan up his sleeve. Literally, the plan was up his sleeve as he happens to have stuffed a thermite bomb up there before heading out. It's kind of like stuffing a $20 in your shoe, in case you get mugged on the street. Except, you know, 'splodier. If he's going down, he's taking the Turtles with him. But Donnie is quick to stop him by hurling his bo staff at him, presumably with the intent of knocking the bomb out of his hands, but instead, knocking Shredder himself off the side of the building. Fortunately, Splinter had chosen a building set for demolition for the location of their battle, so we don't need to think about any innocent lives lost when Shredder and the bomb hit the ground and a bright explosion lights the air below the Turtles. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTbmmEOqqs5yFBedRvA92mdPZx5H_oCDgFB_OUfZueujDvg1fzAPKjWESPG0fN0NV_YfHt497nTC18E2vYH3HPdVUcIhSj2L5Fn8pbCVX2X8sL8-FQKeviNL_BjX01gqWbHpofkIktqZs/s1600/18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTbmmEOqqs5yFBedRvA92mdPZx5H_oCDgFB_OUfZueujDvg1fzAPKjWESPG0fN0NV_YfHt497nTC18E2vYH3HPdVUcIhSj2L5Fn8pbCVX2X8sL8-FQKeviNL_BjX01gqWbHpofkIktqZs/s320/18.JPG" width="230" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;">A+ swordsmanship, F-- punmanship</td></tr>
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Weary from their skirmish, the Turtles make their way down the building to head home. They notice one of Shredder's armored gauntlets laying on the ground. Now if this were Spider-Man, The Thing, Buffy Summers, She-Hulk, or Deadpool, I'm fairly certain this would have been met with a perfect gem of a quip. When Leonardo tries, however, he fails utterly. Oh, Leonardo... you tried.<br /><br />I have to admit I appreciate Leonardo a lot more than when I did as a child. Granted, it simply means he's second to least favorite instead of least favorite, but still... Leonardo is generally depicted as the eldest and treated as the leader by this virtue and the presumptive role of the eldest sibling to look after his younger ones. What I can't help but think about now is having a mini marathon of the old cartoon show and see how this plays out with an adult's perspective. I don't really remember his characterization all that clearly other than being the leader, but I like to imagine he's that one kid who's trying really hard to be an adult to the point where his friends just can't take him seriously outside of combat situations. And suddenly I realize Leo and Scott Summers should probably form a support group. But yeah, Leo doesn't get to be the "fun" one. Raph is the badass (Wolverine), Donnie gets to fill the role of the affable inventor (Beast), and even Mikey, when he isn't being annoying as hell is fun to be around (Iceman). Being Leoclops is a thankless task. </div>
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Now that I'm through with this apologia for Leonardo, Leo tosses the gauntlet aside as as the Turtles prepare to make their way back to the sewers. Leo's narration punches the point home their nature as ninjas. They fought hard, but now they slip away as though they were never there.</div>
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I have to admit, for as different as this is from what would later follow it, this is incredibly good work. Both the pencil and ink work are incredible, and also manage to display a fairly wide range between cartoonishness and realism that still manages to fit the same story. I do have to wonder why a comic that was conceived of as a one and done story devoted as much time to backstory as it did, but considering it was technically a late bronze age comic, long and wordy exposition sessions were de rigueur for the day. I think Donnie and Mikey get the short stick in terms of development, but their personalities typically don't drive narratives the way Leonardo's drive to be the perfect son/disciple and leader and Raphael's hot temper and individualism tend to. Oh, and I guess April retroactively gets short shrift, considering the origin story usually gets told for her benefit in later iterations and she hadn't been created yet. I know it's a cheat to put this is the "good" column, considering this is a story written with no intensive continuity behind it, but I do think it deserves props for borrowing from four very different source materials and creating a fusion that is unrecognizable as anything othe than what it says on the tin... you know, besides that blatant Daredevil parody. </div>
katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-74754570532247852432016-07-20T08:58:00.000-07:002016-07-20T08:58:17.377-07:00I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8au1G9_vgFSHt6kXUSEByQbbSY0PwqV0VDa5gFjEIQNelNbzVPfMIWn04q3eFLlPLyZBW464ctXhTPl2vp9xtdCe90fZ5D-SEn3v4tYjbRYhTkfbO2fD70b7osbHAUnHmG6jrBR5EZ0U/s1600/4.00.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8au1G9_vgFSHt6kXUSEByQbbSY0PwqV0VDa5gFjEIQNelNbzVPfMIWn04q3eFLlPLyZBW464ctXhTPl2vp9xtdCe90fZ5D-SEn3v4tYjbRYhTkfbO2fD70b7osbHAUnHmG6jrBR5EZ0U/s640/4.00.PNG" width="419" /></a>So, now that <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths </i>is out of the way, I suppose I'm probably morally obligated to finish up this arc of <i>Uncanny Avengers</i>, right? Sigh. I guess I brought this upon myself.<br />
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Well, the cover is a pretty fun switch up of a classic X-Men attack. I appreciate that it's on prominent display here. Despite Uncanny Avengers being the "Avengers/X-Men mashup" series, it has gradually reduced the presence of X-Members so that Rogue is only on this team to justify it. Despite long ties to the X-Books, Deadpool isn't an X-Man, let alone a mutant, and Cable is better known for being a solo hero or leading very fringe X-teams than he's known for being an X-Man proper, so seeing Rogue and Deadpool take on Colossus and Wolverine's respective roles for a Fastball special is a pleasure to see. Also, kudos to Stegman for playing to his strengths-- not a close-up of an unmasked face in sight.<br />
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A brief sidenote: Apparently, Marvel packages this arc into a trade under the name "Future Lost." Quite honestly, I think it was a grievous error on their part and I will continue referring to it as "Plant Apocalypse" and will accept no substitute.<br />
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If you'll remember the latter half of last issue, just after Quicksilver ran off to get an antidote to Human Torch, who is slumming with an MIT think tank, the Shredded Man used his toxins to KO most of the team except for Synapse, who is immune, and Cable, who took his vitamins. Cable sticks around to inoculate the rest of the team and sent Synapse out to confront the villain solo only to discover that he is in fact her own grandfather.<br />
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This issue starts off reminding us of last issue's newly revealed familial relationship between our rookie and our villain by cutting back to the prologue from the first issue of the arc. This is unnecessary. Marvel has been employing a recap page across the line for years. It's just the latter half of the scene where Shredded Man wakes up, but this time we see that it was Synapse in the other terrigen chrysalis. It really is a little pointless to the narrative. We learn absolutely nothing new about the characters in this scene nor does it help progress the narrative already in progress. They do cut to yet another chrysalis in the household and establish that there is yet another Inhuman in the family. Perhaps you <i>could </i>argue that this scene sets up story elements for a later arc, maybe, but I'd be quick to shoot that defense down. There is no drive, no dramatic question to this scene that the plot hook, which ought to be handled with a bit of subtlety feels more like a Hidden Pictures game in <i>Highlights for Kids</i> after someone already has circled the fish in the tree.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I am going to be so surprised when that brick the writers threw at us finally lands.</td></tr>
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Duggan, do you mind if I call you Duggan? Good. Duggan, I know you're far more used to writing for Deadpool, and perhaps that explains why you've embraced this "sledgehammer to the head" approach to long game storytelling, but might I advise you remember that as a storyteller in a serialized format, as a dramatist, you need a far more deft hand in the writing stage. Make a scene that is utterly essential to the narrative before trying to be clever.<br />
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Okay, for a story that is just so "meh," I've already had a rant and we're only on page one. That doesn't bode well...<br />
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We transition to the present, where Synapse tries to hearken to her grandfather's better nature, but he doesn't see eye to eye. Apparently, that's enough to get Synapse from being very blubbery to being action girl because she's tired of people yelling at her today. She takes a swing at Shredded Man, but we cut away before we see if she manages to land the punch.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yelling is all it takes to break the ties that bond.</td></tr>
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Elsewhere, Cable has the rest of the team up and running again. Rogue and Deadpool perform a fastball special. Say whatever else you want about this comic, but you cannot say they failed to deliver what the cover promised us. Of course, this should be a big finisher attack, but it's being used to kill one of the many, <i>many</i> plant monsters that it feels more ostentatious than effective. Points for the nostalgia factor.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNE1XHxWNLDQJp33Fd7Ov_L3P1k3INhWTRW1FRjIQVyghszSsnb1ZyYlRLMS2Aio0Th7tc76HfhCCAtr4DqVxNtOWAIMwMCTDpDXqa0nJnfhg_dT8uU7ZVOutrfi0uAXSXXmyKMz0q5dU/s1600/4.03b.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNE1XHxWNLDQJp33Fd7Ov_L3P1k3INhWTRW1FRjIQVyghszSsnb1ZyYlRLMS2Aio0Th7tc76HfhCCAtr4DqVxNtOWAIMwMCTDpDXqa0nJnfhg_dT8uU7ZVOutrfi0uAXSXXmyKMz0q5dU/s320/4.03b.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oddball Special: Patent pending.</td></tr>
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Deadpool calls out to Quicksilver, presumably they're on an intercom or Quicksilver is omniscient, and asks if the speedster can swing by his armory for some ammo. <i>Instead</i>, Quicksilver materializes with a guns as well as a local shop owner in tow. Apparently, in that nanosecond Quicksilver had time for a conversation with a gun-owner who is <i>not</i> a speedster, in which he insisted on coming along, then ferry the gun shop owner over to the battlefield. Ignoring the fact that this puts a civilian at gross risk when clearly there was the far more viable option of going to Deadpool's armory like he asked, it is also is an example of the writers not telling a story in which the mechanics of their heroes make any sense. Granted, this is a superhero comic in a shared universe with 60+ years of history. Inconsistencies are bound to happen. But there is a difference between inconsistencies in power levels and baseline humans being able to able to apparently mimic their abilities for no reason.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Plant Apocalypse is not enough to deter fanboys.</td></tr>
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Oh, wait. There is a reason. The guy is a Deadpool fan. I'm a little annoyed that Duggan felt the need to break the physical laws of its characters in order to support a... you know, I'm not even entirely certain that I'd call it a joke, but Duggan sure seems to think so. It's probably fair to point out that Duggan is one of the two current regular writers on Deadpool's eponymous book, so perhaps he got a little confused about which book he was working on.<br />
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Back at MIT, Quicksilver has returned to see about the cure that Johnny Storm's think tank has been cooking up and again I find myself asking why is Johnny Storm there? I'll give him props for having the idea to outsource the science portion of Marvel superheroism, but what purpose does he serve staying there? He has fire powers! Anybody who has played the starter battle of <b>any </b>Pokemon game can tell you that grass types are weak to fire. Either he is A. a world class slacker, B. an idiot, or C. the writers need a reason for this story to last the length of an average trade paperback.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5Xe6TMGOiRCQMlxWWlXZMf64AeC9CTzPWJJMgZEbIkRC1fdJwKgU6cBZYLPyILCWtP0L0egjohAa4ls4CyLBPERTcHZJ1DpHcoLUnamrZ7kpPvyDobxwY2gesmFh4NISZqnqmfT4N7g/s1600/4.05b.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5Xe6TMGOiRCQMlxWWlXZMf64AeC9CTzPWJJMgZEbIkRC1fdJwKgU6cBZYLPyILCWtP0L0egjohAa4ls4CyLBPERTcHZJ1DpHcoLUnamrZ7kpPvyDobxwY2gesmFh4NISZqnqmfT4N7g/s400/4.05b.PNG" width="210" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stand aside Emma. Pietro is the <br />
OG Jerk Hero.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I will give Johnny Storm this, however: as Quicksilver speeds away, he gives a quick little monologue that gives me all the feels about our resident speedypants. Quicksilver is one of my favorites because he falls into one of my favorite paradigms: the jerk hero. He's smug, he doesn't play well with others, he's had a few turns as a reluctant and/or conflicted villain, but he has a lot of heart, is fiercely protective of his loved ones and tries to do what he thinks is right... even if that means convincing his sister into overwriting reality. Okay, nobody's perfect.<br />
<br />
<br />
I am only now noticing how Stegman draws Pietro's super speed and honestly, it doesn't look quite right. I think he was aiming for a creative new approach to motion lines, but the actual result creates the impression that he has sprung tentacles from his back. It's not a dealbreaker, but it is certainly a bird that wasn't meant to fly.<br />
<br />
Back in Boston, Cable suddenly gets a psychic vision of Synapse snapping her grandfather's neck. Oh, yeah. Two volumes of X-Force ago, Cable mysteriously gained a new ability in the form of precognition. About four years of publication later, I still don't know what is causing these insights, so I'll continue to assume it was the plot convenience fairy. Anyway, Cable's time traveler insight into the future lets him know that his precognitive insight in the future is bad, so he rushes off to stop Synapse from committing grand-patricide.<br />
<br />
Before Synapse can snap her grandfather's plant neck (which I'm fairly certain wouldn't have killed him with his far more arboreal physiology), Cable leaps forth and knocks her away, warning that killing Shredded Man will ensure that the crisis doesn't end. As he breaks up them up, he overhears the part of the conversation that they are in fact related.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUQnBpAMCQOek5R3L97fx-KqunZGzAIgvfoJUcfPVdX0tU_1TH4WfYSe_li3QfRQBGQkEXYPFaj8gdtFCwxlciBb0eLA7SNyjMS6xn1CbYU9zqbDuEuZ6bECzT1AW73WQOwAKAplcxM8/s1600/4.06.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUQnBpAMCQOek5R3L97fx-KqunZGzAIgvfoJUcfPVdX0tU_1TH4WfYSe_li3QfRQBGQkEXYPFaj8gdtFCwxlciBb0eLA7SNyjMS6xn1CbYU9zqbDuEuZ6bECzT1AW73WQOwAKAplcxM8/s320/4.06.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A strategically calculated dick move? <br />
Why you are Scott Summers kid, after all!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Cable confronts our villain himself. Apparently, Shredded Man has read the villain's handbook because he expects Cable to announce that his plan will fail. However, since Cable is here specifically because his plan succeeded, he instead describes his process for developing a cure. In the process, he formed a sister strain of the original virus that removes the immunity to Inhumans. Shredded Man says he's prepared to die, but instead Cable shoots Synapse.<br />
<br />
Um, I'm not the world's biggest fan of Cable by any stretch of the imagination, but that is coldblooded. He hears them mention they're related, asks for clarification to make sure he hadn't misheard (which actually detracts from the badassitude of this scene), then two minutes later, he shoots one of his comrades-in-arms point blank. You're a sick bastard, Dayspring!<br />
<br />
Synapse twitches about on the floor as her grandfather's pestilence courses through her body. Still she manages to sputter out a patented guilt trip. And this is what causes her grandfather to realize he in fact still has the milk of (in)human kindness coursing through his planty veins. It's like the ending of Care Bears movie. He relents and all his plant apocalypse vanishes away. Yes, our crisis is wrapped up that neatly. It's about on par with breaking a spell with true love's kiss. The terrain completely returns to normal and Synapse (and presumably all his other victims) are cured.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSMKAyvCvJJcSn4mCp640d2x4WPrtfu6deJVIPj0QDNdli83sbNxFF-m3j00mqGcVyT1gOmeT-mP78TFXw26wYr2Bm_DAiggu5MBDrDS5ggutuamgxsRub5YvvlbbCVm8sNXNGJ_yfqnk/s1600/4.07.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSMKAyvCvJJcSn4mCp640d2x4WPrtfu6deJVIPj0QDNdli83sbNxFF-m3j00mqGcVyT1gOmeT-mP78TFXw26wYr2Bm_DAiggu5MBDrDS5ggutuamgxsRub5YvvlbbCVm8sNXNGJ_yfqnk/s320/4.07.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Funny. Guerrero doesn't <i>sound</i> like a Jewish family name.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Synapse reaches out to her grandfather, offering to help him find a cure for what he has become, but he declares that when he "wiped the slate clean," he undid all that he had done, including his own body, which dissembles itself in front of her, saying he can make more. So, what that tells me is that it probably wasn't even the genuine article they were facing. He was just some plant golem. That feels so less impressive when it isn't a Doombot.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-ljWqHUpYYWqJl9h-cPTr3tIx0NAsrcBb8U0y2weGiDmyl2vUwuhWqaFhR7lIgywhUCOGrKDPcR8O3B03I95tL50slf0pUrl20JbKA7QzDXxbWDDZAR87zaxyQjCh9BadOnvvD8xEIU/s1600/4.08.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-ljWqHUpYYWqJl9h-cPTr3tIx0NAsrcBb8U0y2weGiDmyl2vUwuhWqaFhR7lIgywhUCOGrKDPcR8O3B03I95tL50slf0pUrl20JbKA7QzDXxbWDDZAR87zaxyQjCh9BadOnvvD8xEIU/s320/4.08.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You captured their stunt doubles!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So that was our big climax, everybody. Such as it is. Oh, yeah. I know you hardly noticed it as this story didn't peak so much as it consistently fizzled from about the halfway point onwards. It's hard to tell when the tension is rising when all you have to decipher is a steady stream of "mehhhhhhhhhh."<br />
<br />
Now, I'm all for an emotional climax as opposed to a big, punchy kick-kick battle, but this is not earned. Our creative team waits until the final page of the penultimate installation of the story to reveal a familial relationship between our antagonist and our team rookie, neither of whom, I might have had enough characterization done in order to make us feel invested in this revelation. All we really know is the former is a genocidal maniac and the latter feels very cagey about being on a team of superheroes. That's all we know going into this revelation.<br />
<br />
I can't even care what this means for them as people, let alone what this means for the story. And yet Duggan hinges the end of the narrative on this.<br />
<br />
Mind you, this could have worked. There were three issues leading up to this revelation. Three issues in which we could have taken a few minutes here or there in which to get into Synapse's head or even have another character ask her something personal. She was even on a date with one of her teammates, for crying out loud. But no. The creative team concluded that any time spent setting their characters up so that this wouldn't have felt like a forced plot twist was better served by killing Quicksilver only to bring him back immediately at the start of the next issue and giving Cable not one but two painfully drawn out introductions. This issue could have have a strong emotional impact on its own, but the creative team sabotaged itself by making the two middle chapters of their narrative extremely unfocused, with the third issue being mostly a waste. It takes the wind out the sails of what honestly could have been a decent conclusion.<br />
<br />
Well, let's wrap up this narrative.<br />
<br />
As the team gathers around what was once the Shredded Man (or his plant golem), Synapse asks Cable to keep her secret, but doesn't know if he can. But he tries. Keep in mind, Cable isn't terrible by nature. He's just occupationally terrible.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRurxQO6C7lFcUQklIjI6ytLWkkzPz6DtiI4oVEkTSoiPhmCa1Wlo7QdmyT6t6tjfkya5KOK4ok_2RLE5uSSQMEda5LERTiwAT0_rn0qZpNym0-poz6Xwa_JjKjIC9ib0tLokKzWSH5qg/s1600/4.09.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRurxQO6C7lFcUQklIjI6ytLWkkzPz6DtiI4oVEkTSoiPhmCa1Wlo7QdmyT6t6tjfkya5KOK4ok_2RLE5uSSQMEda5LERTiwAT0_rn0qZpNym0-poz6Xwa_JjKjIC9ib0tLokKzWSH5qg/s320/4.09.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good guy Cable: he shoots you in the face but keeps your secrets.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Later, we cut to the rooftop where Captain Rogers has landed the helicopter on their base of operations. A helicopter? Yeah, it's kind of weird that the Avengers are flying around in anything besides a quinjet, but I think Iron Man lost his vast wealth over the eight month gap, so I guess that means a helicopter is their way of downsizing.<br />
<br />
Rogers is once again refusing to accept Deadpool's letter of resignation, presumably because he's running out of team members with ongoing solo titles and he needs some way of keeping circulation of this book up with the the other three (minimum) Avengers titles.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Cou33fTV3lA6oIirXkGNPizdl6hwrs87ry3LlU-3zYWJrhRQ6oO5QvihGT2byScplsPkGwb7AMeD1G5TEjtQPEcaAdqjzJbrFBb95SMoM11zrspgxGWmk507cJouYFvFSmv0cMN4O7Q/s1600/4.10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6Cou33fTV3lA6oIirXkGNPizdl6hwrs87ry3LlU-3zYWJrhRQ6oO5QvihGT2byScplsPkGwb7AMeD1G5TEjtQPEcaAdqjzJbrFBb95SMoM11zrspgxGWmk507cJouYFvFSmv0cMN4O7Q/s320/4.10.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cable and Captain Rogers have a grizzled staring contest<br />
and the rest of the world shudders in terror.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Synapse approaches him, looking pretty sheepish, asking to talk to him about something. Rogers kind of charmingly shoots her down, saying he doesn't have time to coddle her <i>and</i> Deadpool. Yeah, old Cap doesn't have the time for handholding that he'd normally have. Oh, well.<br />
<br />
Rogers recruits Cable by telling him that the Unity Squad's secret mission is to find Red Skull and retrieve Xavier's brain. They stare at each other in a panel in which Stegman perfects his talent for making grizzled elderly men look horrifying.<br />
<br />
The final splash of their story gives you the impression that this was a "getting the band together" story. You see the whole lineup together albeit, for some reason most of the team seems to be headed towards the rooftop door, but Johnny and Pietro have assumed lifeless stock poses. Again, Stegman should be drawing action figures for a living. Also, this wasn't a "getting the band together" story. This was a "getting Cable to front our shitty band" story. On top of that, two of the team members were markedly absentee throughout the entire story. Rogers and Johnny have not been through this adventure. They weren't part of this supposed story about them coming together as a team. They just fill up the ranks. You could argue that at least Johnny was contributing, even if it was a misuse of his talents, but all Steve Rogers, Mister huge shredded octogenarian, did in this story was drive the freaking chopper.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS9dlDVXGX-xdHzVzPOQGGtmlRces7w8uR8RlplQBOt43jJc1FKDrALlO-xyt5qMRkaAovQTsRvcwy8PrDhN-jc_z8MMzdanERFb29g-ibqU4XkOErvw6-yVSTkTdj6YVjK52VSDOMLjY/s1600/group.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS9dlDVXGX-xdHzVzPOQGGtmlRces7w8uR8RlplQBOt43jJc1FKDrALlO-xyt5qMRkaAovQTsRvcwy8PrDhN-jc_z8MMzdanERFb29g-ibqU4XkOErvw6-yVSTkTdj6YVjK52VSDOMLjY/s320/group.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is it just me or do they all look embarrassed to be here... <br />
...except Deadpool?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIVjxcAP1RpZ111GsNtoB10AA4kH2QqbfgGCkIKVt7d1M_xYZlSeECk6m195sZOJZgAU-H9LO7_kRSjHy9rmels2sMG6rE583eNCtM-FLDeFIHL6W9uEO7RzEA6ehSMIpivL1SHIomXI/s1600/4.11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIVjxcAP1RpZ111GsNtoB10AA4kH2QqbfgGCkIKVt7d1M_xYZlSeECk6m195sZOJZgAU-H9LO7_kRSjHy9rmels2sMG6rE583eNCtM-FLDeFIHL6W9uEO7RzEA6ehSMIpivL1SHIomXI/s320/4.11.PNG" width="209" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So did he just melt off Ultron's face to<br />
prove a point?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Epilogue. Yes, this monumental epic warranted an epilogue. In the far reaches of space, a crew of a space vessel that all look like they are dressed like locomotive engineers have just been rescued... from something. By whom is revealed as their airlock opens and we see the telltale lights of Ultron's faceplate. As their savior steps inside the headpiece melts away to reveal Hank Pym. Yeah, I thought he was dead. Guess not. I'm a little surprised though. Usually A-Listers have the self-respect to wait at least two years to come back from the great beyond. And I'm guessing he's made a version of Ultron (or retrofitted a previous version of Ultron) to be be a space suit.<br />
I am just shaking my head. Don't get me wrong, I really like the idea of fusing these disparate parts of the Marvel Universe that don't exactly work together. As much as I hated the Remender run for making everyone overly dark and uncharacteristically confrontational with one another, at least I felt like the characters were in the hands of someone who had a grasp on what he wanted to do with them. I feel like Duggan and Stegman were handed this assignment a week before the deadline and were told to do whatever. And that's the only word I use to describe how I feel about this arc: whatever. It isn't incredible, nor is it utterly loathsome. It's filler. Make me love you or make me hate you, but make me feel nothing and that's how you fail as a form of art/storytelling.<br />
<br />
Next week, I'm taking a trip on the cinematic way-back machine as I watch one of the most important superhero-inspired films of this or any other generation, <i>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3</i>.<br />
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katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-31469896974541869122016-07-13T09:00:00.000-07:002016-07-13T13:58:36.032-07:00The Never-Ending Final Boss Battle <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjnVS9GHJBDU3f94OJpZAZwNhn4uFS3JPs2WCe6znyS7bqxFkcbq-A7yXtOXKsbt1s8KYGE9Gy-pTMUiSDWcc2CzLZt3hJpZDgJpGFkLH-FnkOWXYZP5qdWVkW8x4uHgBCBq-FIrW6eG4/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjnVS9GHJBDU3f94OJpZAZwNhn4uFS3JPs2WCe6znyS7bqxFkcbq-A7yXtOXKsbt1s8KYGE9Gy-pTMUiSDWcc2CzLZt3hJpZDgJpGFkLH-FnkOWXYZP5qdWVkW8x4uHgBCBq-FIrW6eG4/s640/00.JPG" width="416" /></a>Well, here we are with the final installment of DC's <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>. This blog started out as <i>other</i> than <i>Crisis.</i> Do not underestimate what that means to me. No more twelve issue epics! No more cast of thousands clusterfucks! No more poorly paced editorially mandated chess piece storytelling! I feel like dancing. Hi diddly dee! An actors life for me!... Oh wait, I still have to sit down and write my thoughts on the final issue. Shit. Sit down everybody. This is probably going to hurt.<br />
This started as a project of me summarizing the first few issues of the series to my boyfriend on a 6 hour road trip to visit my folks, then writing them down afterwards so I could properly gather my thoughts. Wrapping up the series at long last gives a sense of freedom. I can read something <br />
<br />
I'm just going to get this out of the way now: this isn't working as a cover for the final issue of an epic 12-issue event. It doesn't sell that sense of climactic urgency it should have at this point. Just because the main antagonist is huge, that doesn't imply that the scope of the issue is. This is supposed to be the final issue of the series that redefined the cosmology of the DC Universe for a quarter century. It should give the sense that the fate of the whole universe rests on the edge of a knife. Instead, it's just a bunch of heroes smashing a giant monster. It feels routine, like Anti-Monitor is still referring to the Rita Repulsa Playbook.<br />
<br />
It reminds me a lot of the first issues of <i>Fantastic Four </i>and <i>Justice League of America</i>, where the heroes are basically fighting kaiju monsters on the cover. If that were intentional, I might be able to find some reason to appreciate it, since the founding of the Justice League was really the moment that gave birth to DC's shared universe... and now we behold last final gasps of air of the cumbersome, convoluted serpent it nursed in its bosom.<br />
<br />
If I disregard it's editorial context, the art isn't bad. Although, I do find it a little busy. I think the culprit would have to be the crosspatch of black lines that make up the cityscape in the background. Granted, <i>most</i> of the lines do draw the eye to the central focal point of the page, but there is just so many of them that they come into conflict with the lead to the focal point that the flying heroes are creating with their motions. They distract from one another. Removing the cityscape could have done this issue a world of good. Otherwise, it's fine.<br />
<br />
So remember last issue when that handful of characters with whom I wasn't familiar enoughto care about found the lifeless Brainiac ship adrift in space? Well, they're back! And this time, Wolfman was good enough to give me a quick blurb about each of them, so I have at least some context for each one. Still, it's a bit of a failure to captivate. Yes, there is Adam Strange, who we saw way back in issue #4 of the series and was kind of hilarious when he appeared on <i>Young Justice</i>. And there's Rip Hunter, with whom I'm pretty familiar from <i>Legends of Tomorrow</i> (and ye gods, do I need to take a brief sidebar about how he looks here), but for the most part, this is a group of characters with whom I have only the most cursory of familiarity or less. Dolphin had a pointless cameo that led to nothing a while back. I've at least heard of Animal Man, although his description here makes him sound like Vixen plus a Y chromosome. Atomic Knight and Captain Comet? Sorry, I got nothing.<br />
<br />
So, as for the pressing diatribe I need to have about Rip Hunter's personal appearance in this era? What other way can I summarize it other than "Flash! Ah-ah!! He's a miracle!" Granted, he looks more like something out of the old comics or the tv serials and not the glorious piece of 80's shlock that I hold so dearly. Still, I feel like this is both warranted and necessary...<br />
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Yeah, it was either this clip or the opening scene. I had to make a judgement call and this better reflected how silly and pointless this moment is in the comics. Why, you ask, do I find it silly and pointless? Well because it mainly serves to reiterate what we learned from them last issue. Namely that they found Brainiac and his vessel lifeless in space. That covers the pointless. As for silly, they over-dramatically infer that maybe, just maybe, Brainiac isn't dead after all. No shit, Sherlock! Were they deluded enough to think the reader would buy the fakeout of an off-panel death for one of their key character's chief antagonists? I am convinced this entire sequence could be re-drawn with everyone with derp-face and it would actually improve that reveal. But yeah, their assertion is that he's only sleeping. Like when your dog is only sleeping before your dad takes him to a farm upstate.<br />
<br />
The gears start a whirling, and the ship reanimates Brainiac. Amazingly enough, they somehow manage to wrangle one of the archest of villains in the DCU into assisting them without really holding any leverage over him to do so. A couple issues back, the Spectre had to step in as a literal deux ex machina in order to get everyone to cooperate again, but this list of C-Listers somehow have the right stuff. This turn happens over the course of one page. That's roughly about a minute-long interaction. Animal Man makes a reference to <i>Star Trek</i> as Brainiac's vessel blasts off in search of even more assistance. I'm a bit confused, honestly. I didn't realize that they were actively seeking him out and specifically to the end of requesting aid. Imminent danger creates strange bedfellows, I understand, but as far as these characters realize, there is no immediate threat, at least as far as they are aware. There is no reason for them to form this alliance.<br />
<br />
We cut to Perez' favorite thing to draw in <i>Crisis</i> multiple panels of the Earth. It is surrounded by a swirling vortex of pink evil antimatter clouds. It appears the Earth has been plucked from its orbit and brought, "Here to this burning cosmic hell. Here to this place of death." Note that it only says that the Earth was, not the entire universe. Again, another instance where we see just how oversold the Anti-Monitor was back when we first met him. There are tiers of supervillainy and Anti-Monitor's tier is so high above what the heroes of Earth can muster that he by all rights should be Lovecraftian, treating the collective resistance of one planet with all the intensity of a swarm of gnats, among many. He could summarily throw the entire dimension into his little hellscape. Instead, he keeps going out of his way to stick it to the same few flies he can't manage to swat.<br />
<br />
We pick up here exactly where we left last time, meaning that Anti-Monitor is still projected in the sky looking like a very cheap version of the 80s equivalent of of computer generated 3-D imaging. Apparently, Anti-Monitor dislodged the Earth from its orbit because it alone had an anti-matter shield. Okay. Since when? I'll acknowledge that the hard reboot that reality has suffered means that the protective pocket dimension the Monitor used to rescue the five remaining realities is no longer in play. However, it makes no sense in the rebooted, condensed continuity for the Earth to be the only one with protections against antimatter. Nobody remembers the Crisis except for the heroes, who were still sussing out the cobbled together continuity and hadn't even given a thought to preparing for phase umpteen hundred of the Anti-Monitor's strategy. Either the whole of reality should have been still safeguarded or it all should have been vulnerable. I know multiversal designations go by Earth-1, Earth-2, etc., but they are referring to whole dimensions populated with alien races who generally tend to outclass Earth's technology. I refuse to believe Apokalips and New Genesis had weaker planetary defenses than the planet that in 1984 had only just acknowledged it had a hole in its ozone layer and would have thought dial-up internet was futuristic.<br />
<br />
From on high, Anti-Monitor monologues about how this little blue mudball somehow keeps managing to thwart him where countless dimensions were devoured and consumed helpless and how they've only made their end worse by prolonging it. Again, this feels odd that as a quasi-deity, he feels the need to deliver a lengthy verbal smackdown to, comparatively, a bunch of ants. And now all I can think of is an especially vindictive homeowner gloating to himself as he sets up a bug bomb, only to accidentally get sick from inhaling the pesticides.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgsODKRuF9xcCax5GuUtQs_O2mKUkljLoO4A7D99H3Rz8rCJt2VwrzsfjZojv6q5YflWvupb4-zC-fc88kQ6TEYeexkJZhTBaCwlSDs2V9HnqKHItKW-R7s01mXHuYXvG-lNyQqyiag14/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgsODKRuF9xcCax5GuUtQs_O2mKUkljLoO4A7D99H3Rz8rCJt2VwrzsfjZojv6q5YflWvupb4-zC-fc88kQ6TEYeexkJZhTBaCwlSDs2V9HnqKHItKW-R7s01mXHuYXvG-lNyQqyiag14/s320/01.JPG" width="140" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The speed force prohibits <br />
internal monologues.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Interesting little side note: during his diatribe, Anti-Monitor mentions that Supergirl and Flash died fighting him. I like how the series has made a point of not letting us forget that Barry's sacrifice went unremarked. So, it makes the quick cut to Wally's reaction feel deserved. Finally the heroes know the final fate of their fellow companion. Of course why Wally shouts out asking how he died and where his remains are, as though expecting Anti-Monitor to interrupt his proclamation to take questions, is a bit of a head scratcher.<br />
<br />
Once he's done speechifying, he disappears along with the evil antimatter cloud, which seems to have been the sole form of natural source lighting as the entire world turns pitch black. It's only because of their super-vision that they can see that, as happens whenever there is no light in a major metropolitan area, chaos ensues. We see a few images of mass panic, but it's probably safe to assume there is also looting.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjANkXQf84W2Z1CowxhX2hyphenhyphenD12O2IxSWnu0QfVGowJVH0zzi2EbGSKw6M0S7-WYFoBst__kwwIwU-Zk0u1Begq52enXyHCQEV6ev1qMAK5HeAxMk6szhuIS38tj1d7zJqqyL0oH_AIDpI/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjANkXQf84W2Z1CowxhX2hyphenhyphenD12O2IxSWnu0QfVGowJVH0zzi2EbGSKw6M0S7-WYFoBst__kwwIwU-Zk0u1Begq52enXyHCQEV6ev1qMAK5HeAxMk6szhuIS38tj1d7zJqqyL0oH_AIDpI/s320/02.JPG" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just to be on the safe side, say five "Our Fathers" and two<br />
Hail Marys."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Harbingers appears before the two Supermen, and recruits them. They are ready to take Anti-Monitor out. MORE IMPORTANTLY... Next we see another one of Harbingers split selves recruiting the best DC character in <i>Crisis, </i>Dr. Kimiyo Hoshi, aka Dr. Light. She seems to have undergone some character development since she is far more unsure of herself since last we saw her as a featured character. This is because during Supergirl's battle against the Anti-Monitor, Kimiyo called out to her at a crucial moment and Anti-Monitor delivered the killing blow while she was distracted. Harbinger reassures her that Supergirl was already dying and Dr. Light only helped end her suffering sooner. Thus reassured, they peace out, leaving fellow Japanese superhero Sunburst all by his lonesome.<br />
<br />
Elsewhere, the Challengers of the Unknown are still just standing around doing the whole Greek chorus thing as they behold a veritable armada of the Anti-Monitor's shadow demons. After 12 issues of this series, I'm starting to realize why certain "new to me" characters strike a chord with me right away and others feel pointless: agency and purpose. Take Dr. Light, who is amazing. Even before the Monitor imbued her with powers, she was empowered. She suffered no fools, was actively pursuant in her personal science mission, and showed a whole lot of personality in a relatively brief amount of panel time. Meanwhile, I think this is the third time we've encountered them in this series and I still have very little idea of who they are as individuals. At least with Rip Hunter's ragtag team out in space, they all have a little chance to show some personality and be active protagonists in their subplot. These guys just keep on being utilized to point shit out and declare how important it is. That requires an entire superhero team. Marvel just uses one alien who lives on the moon. Just saying...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqW3dLjpkeo1o4uBtbClnVXE-DX5CjBfpA9_x88NxT1V1a-TogJEdi-I9cbGBao1X2U7J_F0K7o0WGYWJxXwggZ3OwCP9mWrXhXDxLadxujB4kbszVyCIKEFtb2hux1uAX1vYWovmXt_s/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqW3dLjpkeo1o4uBtbClnVXE-DX5CjBfpA9_x88NxT1V1a-TogJEdi-I9cbGBao1X2U7J_F0K7o0WGYWJxXwggZ3OwCP9mWrXhXDxLadxujB4kbszVyCIKEFtb2hux1uAX1vYWovmXt_s/s1600/03.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who needs a character arc when you can settle for staring at things intensely?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Speaking of Uatu, I just want to mention that the more i look at them, the more I can't help but notice that they bear a striking resemblance to what the Fantastic Four would look like if they hadn't had that run-in with cosmic rays. The team girl is a dead ringer for Sue. The big, stocky guy could be Ben Grimm whenever we see him in human form. Ye gods, and he's named Rocky. This can't be a coincidence can it? One of these guys is named Prof, so that takes care of Reed, and both the blond guy and the ginger guy could easily be mistaken for Johnny. One of them is even a pilot. A quick search on Wikipedia reveals that they were created by Jacky Kirby. Well, now all the puzzle pieces are falling into place.<br />
<br />
From here, we have about two and a half pages of padding in which we see heroes around the globe combating shadow demons and doing protect and rescue missions. I have to assume the rescuers are having a higher rate of success than the shadow demon combatants. If you'll remember my recap of issue #1, it's basically shadow boxing.<br />
<br />
Hey look! Blue Devil is back on Earth. Well, now I can sleep easy at night knowing he made it back after we left him hanging four issues ago. As an extension of the series' overarching failure to establish a cohesive POV is its tendency to introduce significant characters into the narrative who seem like they're going to be major players, only for their stories to wander off with a note from the editor telling them where to read the continuation of their narratives. I get it. Comic companies want your money. It's the way of the world. That being said, if you're going to do that, take a moment to re-introduce those characters back into the narrative so that readers like me who either aren't picking up <i>every</i> comic on the store shelves or are reading this literally decades later aren't left scratching their heads.<br />
<br />
A few mystically-inclined heroes, including Deadman, seem to be gathering to protect the Spectre, who is apparently comatose and hovering over Harbinger's staging area after his big confrontation against the Anti-Monitor. I'm guessing he's still going to prove to be an important element for the conclusion of the story, since they are focusing their powers on safeguarding him. I actually like Deadman, at least the way he's written here. He has this worldly wise, kind of flippant attitude and a beta male energy that keeps him from coming across like quite such a grizzled loner as his M.O. would suggest. .<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIE6NESdL_kswvpvVf4uRr_DaoI8XdmBqRkFoQqAtwfycetBfLXD5asEyUbc5HG5_3G6m7IJaczWuSksRQ4oMFXb7WQTcIo8sMUXbC-9W4ZsguIqmEPaN8lM5v6cyM2M6MPpougAkDa3g/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIE6NESdL_kswvpvVf4uRr_DaoI8XdmBqRkFoQqAtwfycetBfLXD5asEyUbc5HG5_3G6m7IJaczWuSksRQ4oMFXb7WQTcIo8sMUXbC-9W4ZsguIqmEPaN8lM5v6cyM2M6MPpougAkDa3g/s400/05.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What's the use of being on guard duty if you can't warn anyone?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Harbinger in the meanwhile, has assembled a pretty large team of heroes and is discussing with them the importance of putting differences aside and working as a team to save the day. Friendship is magic, right? Jade takes a moment to explain why her father, Green Lantern Alan Scott, is over at The Tower of Fate with the other magic heroes. It really comes out of nowhere without any prompting and it comes across like she's telling us that her dog at her homework. Alexander is now fully charged with antimatter again and uses it to break through the barrier of evil antimatter clouds and teleport our cast of characters through. All the while, Deadman, who is still with the magic heroes watches as apparently one of the shadow demons (it just looks like a bunch of squiggly parallel lines) seems to rush away, potentially giving Anti-Montor an early warning of what the heroes are up to, which I'm honestly not clear on.<br />
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Far away, in space, Brainiac has taken his new-found allies to someone who can help on a planet that looks like an industrial fire. Oh, of course. This is Apokalips. Who else would be in an A-List villain's rolodex but other A-List villains. Hey Darkseid. How's tricks? You may recall back in issue 8 having a page-long visit with Darkseid where he might as well directly addressed the reader and says he's too good for this story. I'm annoyed that the scene cuts off with his reveal because I really want to see Darkseid react to getting forcibly dragged into this narrative at the 11th hour.<br />
<br />
<br />
Back on Earth, Hawk and Dove are on a rescue mission when Dove gets impaled from behind by a shadow demons. That has to be an extra twist in the knife. Not only was he killed, but he was killed by a literally nameless, faceless henchman.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr2ULxMYsEykh8mDo30k_KJhQLqqv2elH8yhcLS8DAjSyeC5oynFuYvbrQx4pTLh5uyqKP6SpdKqQtwW0uECw4V-kftK89BqT_ahLN3jGbNE7LtF7rb4IuhZe16NSCub8Yk-OkFCtunSI/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr2ULxMYsEykh8mDo30k_KJhQLqqv2elH8yhcLS8DAjSyeC5oynFuYvbrQx4pTLh5uyqKP6SpdKqQtwW0uECw4V-kftK89BqT_ahLN3jGbNE7LtF7rb4IuhZe16NSCub8Yk-OkFCtunSI/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At least these guys will have a bit of payoff from spending <br />
so much time staring intensely</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Over at the Tower of Fate, all the mystic heroes are ready for their part of the final mission. They also have one hanger on monitoring the news named Johnny Thunder. I know nothing about Johnny Thunder, but I can say that he and Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen probably go to the same tailor. We get a pretty cool image of all the mystic heroes channeling their powers into Doctor Occult and OG Green Lantern. We don't know what they are doing, but it looks like it's going to be massive in scope. Sidebar: Doctor Occult's Mystic Symbol of the Seven might have been produced by the Umbrella Corporation.<br />
<br />
Next stop, Qward. Yeah, things didn't exactly go smoothly the last time our heroes were here. Kryptonians are vulnerable here and Supergirl died here, so I'm expecting some scenes of self-doubt. They attempted to use Pariah's tragedy magnet powers to act as a compass to find Anti-Monitor, but there is just too much evil all around them for it to work.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDk3ey6PHD477BWRRW-u4kGU_FmZVAelXXcVP4VJbzLy_KqdecT422YK89gkugTwXEdkFUnIQnYUdQiGMxOQ9nGgEu0ukPtIZmpeypWxLDwODiYNvZ4ELPNx8xSu4ySWRmQaJQReRNs7g/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDk3ey6PHD477BWRRW-u4kGU_FmZVAelXXcVP4VJbzLy_KqdecT422YK89gkugTwXEdkFUnIQnYUdQiGMxOQ9nGgEu0ukPtIZmpeypWxLDwODiYNvZ4ELPNx8xSu4ySWRmQaJQReRNs7g/s320/08.JPG" width="225" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, considering you're retired, and a minor, <br />
and apparently dying...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But hey, who invited the kid? Yeah, apparently Wally West stowed away. That was Wally zipping into the group, not a shadow warrior. He sounds a bit miffed that he wasn't invited along, since they now know the Anti-Monitor killed Barry and Wally thinks he ought to be included in bringing back his remains. It's actually a good surprise, but with so much going on in this series, I feel like we needed another moment with Wally earlier to set up this surprise a little better. He is pretty snippy about not being tapped for this mission, but considering we later find out (and were earlier hinted at a few issues ago) that he is dying of cancer that gets aggravated when he uses his speed, perhaps they were right not to utilize him. Yet again.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, they see a vision of The Flash. Remember during Barry's big sacrifice when he saw flashes of friends? This is one of them. It fades away, but Wally can still see traces of the after image and runs after it and finds his empty costume and ring as well as a now fully cray cray Psycho-Pirate hysterically begging the red suit for aid as though it were really Barry.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuMjl1qcIvyjrT5uHH1H1riTf6iDZ3LFcfJOPZhZICrJPpHilTFyDB1TLu0Ee4ZuSH1IjGjHNHPs_WsW-EkMKCghtEDhefrDSYEX_s8cuElOu8TM0GwxB_W1zxMHg1Qpg5Rn07VuNwurQ/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="121" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuMjl1qcIvyjrT5uHH1H1riTf6iDZ3LFcfJOPZhZICrJPpHilTFyDB1TLu0Ee4ZuSH1IjGjHNHPs_WsW-EkMKCghtEDhefrDSYEX_s8cuElOu8TM0GwxB_W1zxMHg1Qpg5Rn07VuNwurQ/s320/09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guys, quit grieving. The plot is off the starboard bow!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Suddenly, Pariah's Canary in the coal mine sense starts tingling and we turn the page... and we get a final splash page of the Anti-Monitor rambling on about the wanton doom of all things again. [Sidebar: he's still gigantic, like he was during the last climactic fight, if not even moreso, so I have to question if people in the DCU have a widespread inability to use peripheral vision, detect background noise, or feel the ground shake under their feet] Oh, wait. Did I say final splash page? My mistake. We're only halfway through this sucker. Apparently, this series thinks a double sized issue is literally two issues taped together.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoox98PfYXOBHRoFAguMvfILO85lbuhi4iYTUySDYUApALnUQkm9vU2UL4e46VKzS3G31yyDDLPRYYYI7XSl2rahqYLDp4qkwwpzssYRNdWTE5ueufwqFtcrGXQqRG64Vr1dTTxQrsKH0/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoox98PfYXOBHRoFAguMvfILO85lbuhi4iYTUySDYUApALnUQkm9vU2UL4e46VKzS3G31yyDDLPRYYYI7XSl2rahqYLDp4qkwwpzssYRNdWTE5ueufwqFtcrGXQqRG64Vr1dTTxQrsKH0/s400/10.JPG" width="265" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This might as well have been followed <br />
with an intermission sign.<br />
"Let's all go to the lobby..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Before I continue, I feel like I really need to go back to another bugbear I have about Anti-Monitor. Not only has he been fairly ineffectual to the point that I've been comparing him to Rita Repulsa <i>a lot </i>(I resisted the urge to compare Dove's death to the Pink Power Ranger getting killed by a Putty, or at least I did until now), but we cannot deny the fact that Anti-Monitor isn't an engaging villain. A good villain doesn't think he's a villain. Magneto just wants to safeguard his species. Dr. Doom just wants to run his country and prove how much better he is at everything than that fool Richards. Lex Luthor (at least post-<i>Crisis</i>) wants to prove that humanity doesn't need to be protected by demi-gods. They're all rooted in their relatable human goals, albeit often flawed ones. Then there are the characters like Batman's rogues gallery, the majority of which are damaged and ultimately tragic. When they retconned away Mr Freeze's backstory so that he was never trying to save his wife, he was just psychotically fixated on some random lady, I was genuinely upset and thought it cheapened the character. That's how important an understandable villain is. But what is the Anti-Monitor? He is literally just evil incarnate. Hell, they brought an evil detector with them. He has no traits a reader can identify with, he isn't exactly a charming scenery chewer like Mr. Sinister or the Joker, he doesn't even have a feasible objective like Apocolypse or Darkseid. He's just there to be someone everyone of all walks of life can punch. They even made sure he had no body so that characters can wail on him for hours on end without the Comics Code Authority complaining about the blood. If you took a Tickle Me Elmo, switched it to Punch Me Elmo and the voicebox played proclamations of your inevitable doom, you'd have the Anti-Monitor.<br />
<br />
Okay, now that I'm done with that rant... for now... let's get back to the story. We leave the heroes with Anti-Monitor in his Super Ultimate Digevolution and check in back on Earth. We see Aquaman and his crew fighting shadow demons underwater with a casualty in the form of Lori the Mermaid. I have to wonder how central to the line certain deaths are based on whether they happen in montage sequences or are given their own scenes. I know today, Aquaman has become a bit of a cheap shortcut to a punchline, but he is one of DC's Big Seven, rules his own kingdom, has a fantastically Arthurian-inspired backstory, and at least in this era, can hold his head high for never having stooped to using a harpoon as a hand. However, amidst all the deaths in this issue, we have a full scene devoted to the fall of an Atlantian character who bears the name of Lori the Mermaid. And this is the second time one of his supporting characters have been offed with this amount of special attention. It makes me wonder whether they were a) fan favorites, b) creative team favorites, or c) editorially mandated.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWfeMyoDvLHqcggStmPTfzyqmao4TigCqCGWRO0MZHldDQnnrqH3mINUBQQVsCGkJIn6Rd0yZk5kBpurrTuLMQ-reDm5RV6QkLVZqQvH-z04-KCEsbREaivU4Wk2A_8lHemZ68UMYzGv8/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWfeMyoDvLHqcggStmPTfzyqmao4TigCqCGWRO0MZHldDQnnrqH3mINUBQQVsCGkJIn6Rd0yZk5kBpurrTuLMQ-reDm5RV6QkLVZqQvH-z04-KCEsbREaivU4Wk2A_8lHemZ68UMYzGv8/s400/11.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not even mass casualties will interrupt the Olympics of Staring Contests.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The next scene is a a fantastic two page layout ithat intersplices the Mystic Heroes' efforts with a variety of heroes protecting civilians on the street. Yeah, there's a sizable body count here. Green Arrow-2 gets impaled in the very first panel of the sequence. Robin-2 and Kole of the Teen Titans try to rescue Huntress, who is trapped under the rubble of a fallen building. Kole throws up a crystal dome barrier, but nobody in this series seems to get the essential problem of fighting an incorporeal foes. Instead of protecting Huntress she effectively traps all three of them for the shadow demons to kill without hindrance. Smart move, Kole. How did you make it to #13 on Ranker's list of Teen Titans? Clayface and the Bug-Eyed Bandit are taken out too, but I think the roughest death in this scene has to go to Prince Ra-Man, who by all rights would have been better off contributing his services at the Tower of Fate, but instead looks like he gets sliced clean in half at the waist. I'm thankful this was back when the CCA still had some modicum of control over how graphic violence and gore could be.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmoGIXXZfgKVZuUG0d_99MZMIdgX5xTWxVPVBkmmYq7PQVns0lD43MlCdLgSJ17WtfLWMihLEJblhupxmVa12ffLbVShwxu-gjX0gws4Edu-iG6mQ8LaJGrZCM_2qizajaAZYJs_lODcs/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmoGIXXZfgKVZuUG0d_99MZMIdgX5xTWxVPVBkmmYq7PQVns0lD43MlCdLgSJ17WtfLWMihLEJblhupxmVa12ffLbVShwxu-gjX0gws4Edu-iG6mQ8LaJGrZCM_2qizajaAZYJs_lODcs/s320/12.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Plan B was Mega Maid from <i>Spaceballs.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
All while this is going on, the two page layout's center is dominated by the image of all the mystic characters focusing their powers while basked in a green glow. Visually, it amounts to them all staring really hard at Dr. Occult and Alan Scott, who are staring really hard at each other. But then finally, the Mystic Heroes efforts reach fruition and a mystically enhanced chain of Green Lantern energy spreads across the globe gathering up all the shadow demons in a giant net and throwing them out into space.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdeteZuqjgJOY5kGDBze9SehAH1Wig0vbkBn0W9AVCaj5VUsCVJGztfRY6Me-ttoC_IcK0wKZ5aRLbeCRRUKpkmJqR2aYvbSsz1yUuavvIwaTpS3WRgVTyf-eNjZt92K-sdrj0591UTe4/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdeteZuqjgJOY5kGDBze9SehAH1Wig0vbkBn0W9AVCaj5VUsCVJGztfRY6Me-ttoC_IcK0wKZ5aRLbeCRRUKpkmJqR2aYvbSsz1yUuavvIwaTpS3WRgVTyf-eNjZt92K-sdrj0591UTe4/s320/13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eventually, writers will realize that dickishness and heroism<br />
aren't mutually exclusive.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With Earth out of danger, or at least less imperiled, we return to the main event in Qward. Everybody is smashing and blasting, but it doesn't seem to be effective at all. Sound familiar? Yeah, that was issue #10, minus the mystically enhanced Spectre ex machina to lend an assist. However, unlike then or their ill-fated previous trip to Qward, Harbinger actually has a plan. Yeah, it took her a year in publication to realize that a united show of force is nothing without a strategy. The linch pins of her strategy are Dr. Light and Alex Luthor. Dr. Light absorbs the power of a neighboring binary star. I suppose that Anti-Monitor is also using it as a power supply because doing so drains him. Next, Alex uses his biological affinity towards antimatter to siphon off our villain's own energy. All the while, his tired villainy ramblings continue.<br />
<br />
Now that he's weakened, Negative Woman wraps herself around Anti-Monitor binding him into place and more than likely infecting him with her radioactive touch. Ye gods, I just realized this is a final boss battle in a video game. It's like X-Men Legends or Avengers Ultimate Alliance. The party is pitted against a gargantuan foe, before we can do any damage, first we have to cut off his power source, and now we're applying multiple debuffs in one strike, which both cuts into his agility and causes damage over time. Well thus weakened, the rest of the party lines up for a Care Bear Stare and yay for teamwork! The Final Boss' first form has been KO'd! And just in time soon. Even a seasoned hero would be taxed siphoning off an entire sun, so it's impressive that she had all that power contained as long as she did. She released all the energy, delivery the final blow to Anti-Monitor, embedding him into the crust of a nearby asteroid.<br />
<br />
Danger's over, right?<br />
<br />
Hell, no! But the comic sure wants to fool you.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtpFXm7jwtk5QHlB68MmxyDDk4HryG-F4eeM_muQPpkMgeFRMeoZirxOW-s1dP3EUEjuMmRI6ViVrEefbtF6HbkayTK_yxYvjVVJ2rGdon-xH6s6KvNAp4Lbg999qAAIzyjyIw9xKRqic/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtpFXm7jwtk5QHlB68MmxyDDk4HryG-F4eeM_muQPpkMgeFRMeoZirxOW-s1dP3EUEjuMmRI6ViVrEefbtF6HbkayTK_yxYvjVVJ2rGdon-xH6s6KvNAp4Lbg999qAAIzyjyIw9xKRqic/s320/14.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You know when a toddler throws a tantrum when he clearly <br />
needs a nap, but doesn't want it? Yeah. I'm so over this guy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Well, Alexander re-opens a portal back to the positive matter universe wide enough to get the Earth through, but I suppose an opening that large expends a lot of mana because it expends all his energy and there is a ticking clock to get through the portal before it seals itself shut. The Earth gets through safely and is restored to its original orbit. The heroes then start flying toward the opening when we see life return to the Anti-Monitor's eye. The mystically ensnared collection of shadow demons is drawn to Qward. He completely drains them all of their life force in order to repower himself. Again, that feels like something out of a boss battle.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7WVDi2eXoGMi8wW1h7IZHfFV82Ag_ALP3I_zfyMFC4S8jCDp02b1PtNl-p4ZG6nsz7JwKyzn5u3RFz8ub1VTG_8UkeeWN6NeFhVnM5eqeszbeGm_7VfRPdvgknO6WdxudDmH7IyXbcvk/s1600/16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7WVDi2eXoGMi8wW1h7IZHfFV82Ag_ALP3I_zfyMFC4S8jCDp02b1PtNl-p4ZG6nsz7JwKyzn5u3RFz8ub1VTG_8UkeeWN6NeFhVnM5eqeszbeGm_7VfRPdvgknO6WdxudDmH7IyXbcvk/s320/16.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Okay, villain points for killing one of the Big Three. <br />
You did something right, Anni.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That being said, his actions are pretty bad ass, taking out Wonder Woman-1 with a single blast, but his dialogue paints Anti-Monitor as having become truly become utterly pathetic, outright declaring that he doesn't care about consuming the last positive matter universe or even destroying the Earth. His driving ambition is petty revenge against beings who are gnats compared to him. He has lost sight of what his goal ought to be, but more dishearteningly, the writers have lost sight of why he ought to be an imposing threat. Gone are his complex designs of multiversal destruction with nary a thought other than expanding his dominions. Now all we have is petty jerk with too much power.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOrG2G1yjQuyeNq_OBHdhuLJkS3aTQM_OBRhsyNppVo41zAoPsyQ29z07NXWkCkA2FlbZ8LTe6MkAh27YvrUxE0qyay3sP7sr3_GSxR-cjyqkH6Ejk6-sBw-EF3AyvvxKuvFfMP5uQPLc/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOrG2G1yjQuyeNq_OBHdhuLJkS3aTQM_OBRhsyNppVo41zAoPsyQ29z07NXWkCkA2FlbZ8LTe6MkAh27YvrUxE0qyay3sP7sr3_GSxR-cjyqkH6Ejk6-sBw-EF3AyvvxKuvFfMP5uQPLc/s320/17.JPG" width="193" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No seriously, what is up with everyone's<br />
peripheral vision?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Well, Superman-1 has had all he can stands, he can stands no more! Having lost his cousin and now one of his besties, he's determined to take Anti-Monitor out. And Lady Quark is right there with him. Of course, this makes it convenient for Superman-2 to knock the two of them out in one fell swoop. He hands them off to Superboy-Prime and with orders to get them through the portal before it closes. It's a suicide mission and a noble sacrifice that Superman-2 declares he's making because he has no reason to live without Lois-2.<br />
<br />
The Anti-Monitor vs Superman-2 showdown is the battle we've all been waiting for. It feels visceral in a way very few fights against him have been save for Supergirl's. It's an interesting parallel that the best fights in the season were fought in the name of either saving or avenging a familial bond. Supergirl saved her cousin and Old Man Kent fights to avenge his wife being erased from memory.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgObDz2jfGpz0oJZvI0SMSP25hO_a1vKYbQ7zQyNyddrnRPSP5Ce8PCOVaOTXkJArNC2SBqrwbS9pltcBUlqBJxCWoun0Liqtg8vIxKIs-fJN-uNxHz7JewAHA_llgv3w3JadeGNCAhld4/s1600/18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgObDz2jfGpz0oJZvI0SMSP25hO_a1vKYbQ7zQyNyddrnRPSP5Ce8PCOVaOTXkJArNC2SBqrwbS9pltcBUlqBJxCWoun0Liqtg8vIxKIs-fJN-uNxHz7JewAHA_llgv3w3JadeGNCAhld4/s320/18.JPG" width="146" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, guy?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Of course, this far into the final boss battle, Anti-Monitor's life bar is probably at 45% and this is further exacerbated by the fact that he totally fell for a Trojan Horse scenario. It turns out when Team Mystic ensnared his shadow warriors, they infected them with some magical malware and left them all trapped where he would surely find them.<br />
<br />
Closer to the portal, Alex Luthor's strength is waning thin, and Superboy's window of opportunity grows short. However, Superboy realizes that like Superman-2, he has nothing to go back to back on Earth, in fact even less when you think about it, and wants to aid Superman-2 in this last stand. So he just tosses Lady Quark and Superman-1 through the closing portal like a sack of potatoes as the portal closes, trapping him, Superman-2, and Alex Luthor inside as apparently Alex had to seal the rift from their side.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBYcejpu_K_pkZHYj35uwok_Lud6yWWqsECur8xexL9XBeijjSAU7lbqbVovnF4uzSomvBkiHsgl2QhVtdbPusbSPNw2THiMzynze3yhsnFHQ9xQZiCaPj6KyWKBuEwe9qRt1bzfWTPs/s1600/19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBYcejpu_K_pkZHYj35uwok_Lud6yWWqsECur8xexL9XBeijjSAU7lbqbVovnF4uzSomvBkiHsgl2QhVtdbPusbSPNw2THiMzynze3yhsnFHQ9xQZiCaPj6KyWKBuEwe9qRt1bzfWTPs/s320/19.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ye gods, Ganondorf isn't even this hard to kill. Stay the fuck down!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For some reason, though, Alex's eyes begin glowing and feels a surge of energy within him, and soon we soon find out why. We watch the epic battle between Superman-2 and Anti-Monitor literally through Alex's eyes. As it turns out, so does Darkseid. Somehow, without having included himself in the story up until this point, he managed to learn enough about Alex's unique physiology in order to co-opt him into a cross-dimensional spycam.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrNDKwVAVcDruSKCBszEV_F2zsDWnby2wJvCHXOBwcNyTNszObBYWwndYGSyv9l5JXoLjs_gkbgxg9emWqIKwM-ruZuDFlpGlwFwYychayb5F1tnIMh7r-r7y8YNWlEeR0ag51zOIXMQ/s1600/20.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhrNDKwVAVcDruSKCBszEV_F2zsDWnby2wJvCHXOBwcNyTNszObBYWwndYGSyv9l5JXoLjs_gkbgxg9emWqIKwM-ruZuDFlpGlwFwYychayb5F1tnIMh7r-r7y8YNWlEeR0ag51zOIXMQ/s320/20.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Of course, Darkseid would only do something heroic if it meant<br />
violating someone's agency without asking for consent.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Superboy rejoins the fight just long enough to get knocked on his ass. So it looks like it's still up to Superman-2, who slams him down onto a nearby planet and crushes him with an asteroid. So, Superman-2 is our big damn hero? Wrong, Anti-Monitor gets back up, bereft of his oh so clownish body armor. Although, oddly this time he is different in appearance than when Supergirl destroyed his previous chassis. Maybe the colorist ran out of magenta. He has tapped into the very energy of Qward itself in order to keep himself juiced up. If possible, he's even more desperately pathetic, declaring that he doesn't care if he has to die in the process as long as they all die in the process. Oh, for the love of Mike, why won't this guy die? Well, Darkseid turns his human periscope into a cannon, channeling incredibly potent presumably anti-life energy at Anti-Monitor, vaporizing him.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQkhMLchSq5zpUMUlXPGE51ymvaQgeEi1w0ubQnmBCmoqXl0lb6kTYyoZJvfVPlQ4DjhfcjgnVsz5wmoz5UEDM0-NgatMLGv6Qhtc8zH0mf4PglmWlLL0YlPuRsXk2Ub31abJLAdjiWqM/s1600/21.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQkhMLchSq5zpUMUlXPGE51ymvaQgeEi1w0ubQnmBCmoqXl0lb6kTYyoZJvfVPlQ4DjhfcjgnVsz5wmoz5UEDM0-NgatMLGv6Qhtc8zH0mf4PglmWlLL0YlPuRsXk2Ub31abJLAdjiWqM/s320/21.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Black Knight from <i>Monty Python and the Holy Grail</i><br />
is laughing at you, ya jackass! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So? Is it safe to wrap things up? Is Darkseid our big damn hero? No. Like any respectable final boss, his final form is even harder to kill than the first 3. This time, he's composed purely of energy. Superman-2, however, is all out of fucks and gives the real, for serious, "no really he's dead, guys," final blow, in what visually comes across looking like an anger-induced Super Punch. He knocks Anti-Monitor into the sun, causing it to explode, and it's only a matter of time before the shockwave ripples forth and puts them out of their misery.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsxh-gSAdtmI4pMMSP4vz9P85F9tAw_SXLKL2tnGCKGHO3E2gmNsr2vM_8KfpJXMWncAThVMqStSo96pYHHDRf2Ffuyog_D3Xeck98QPstLx6clMoxevbeTd0jCgT6H6fy4bKpRACZKgg/s1600/22.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsxh-gSAdtmI4pMMSP4vz9P85F9tAw_SXLKL2tnGCKGHO3E2gmNsr2vM_8KfpJXMWncAThVMqStSo96pYHHDRf2Ffuyog_D3Xeck98QPstLx6clMoxevbeTd0jCgT6H6fy4bKpRACZKgg/s320/22.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He's here to suck on Werther's Originals and kill Anti-Monitors.<br />
And he's all out of Werher's Originals.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The Superpersons are consigned to their fate, but Alex has another option. So, you know how he's a walking plot device? Not only does he have a way out of their impending doom, but he has solved Superman-2's overarching dilemma since the reboot. It turns out that Lois-2 <i>is</i> alive, and it's all because he protected her from the ravages of continuity reboots by hiding her in a pocket dimension <b>inside himself</b> and never mentioning it until now.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWyNFbQbnOG1ef0yl5zXedEe_jDOfz0nr3cZXmSEsva9ThZ-kiULyppawAy7JfJa31-PbYDAvTQDbz9WkONrv5lvFMQaqBMB7CbqqAb-FN1HaRdvfIKyHSS4NA7v1MbcQIO9o-45ZAv4Y/s1600/23+is+this+supposed+to+be+charming+Cause+it+comes+across+as+super+creepy..JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWyNFbQbnOG1ef0yl5zXedEe_jDOfz0nr3cZXmSEsva9ThZ-kiULyppawAy7JfJa31-PbYDAvTQDbz9WkONrv5lvFMQaqBMB7CbqqAb-FN1HaRdvfIKyHSS4NA7v1MbcQIO9o-45ZAv4Y/s320/23+is+this+supposed+to+be+charming+Cause+it+comes+across+as+super+creepy..JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ewwwww!!!!! Remember when I said he was a creeper?<br />
Was I wrong? Nope! Ewwwww!!!!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Okay. But wait! This resolution gets weirder. Remember way back to issue #1, you know, back when you could still remember what plausible storytelling looked like? Back on the good old Evil Mirror Universe of Earth-3, Alex's father Lex Luthor was his world's greatest hero, but who was his mother? Hm. That's right-- Lois. In a weird new take on Oedipal Complexes in action, Alex saves his other-universe mommy by putting her inside himself. Apparently, he knew the universe would be reborn. And once again, he never said anything.<br />
<br />
The long thrust of the conclusion of their story is that Alex can't get them back home, but the four of them can go into pocket universe that exists within Alex and be safe. I assume Alex going into this pocket dimension is effectively the same as someone pulling their bottom lip over their head and swallowing. For now, however, let's be comforted in the fact that they get a happy ending... at least until Infinite Crisis comes around and gives me a migraine.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-RjutCheZr-WxDLkSbtFI9_tUITqhfNKKr-Lc3GNVbFwgKuxOUwFcVlEVcGznxjTk0mdHE2XKIidgjnBhUUhUOGs-X96FUTkk3wW1Q_oIPjkkLC6cbnoxlyfErdV1ah8AAz0Zdp_hWfM/s1600/24+WW+got+blasted+so+hard+that+logic+broke.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-RjutCheZr-WxDLkSbtFI9_tUITqhfNKKr-Lc3GNVbFwgKuxOUwFcVlEVcGznxjTk0mdHE2XKIidgjnBhUUhUOGs-X96FUTkk3wW1Q_oIPjkkLC6cbnoxlyfErdV1ah8AAz0Zdp_hWfM/s320/24+WW+got+blasted+so+hard+that+logic+broke.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Logic takes a holiday.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The rest of the issue is mostly wrap up. Somehow, they manage to retcon Wonder Woman-1's death within the same issue that she died in, which I have to admit is a really fast turn around even by the terms of comic books. No, she didn't die. Instead... okay, what the book says happened and what actually did are different matters. The story makes it sound like Wonder Woman was regressed from woman to girl, to baby, to the clay of Paradise Island. For some reason, that also caused time, relative to the Amazons, to reverse to just before Diana's birth. In reality, Wonder Woman's new origin story happens later, so that she comes to Man's World later relative to the other DCU heroes' first appearances, positioning her as a new comer.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7ljQTUBJFmH0NGr2xMiecILDmX3E80vihl0zPx4J65sy-Jss7yW4U8zg1WnO-2ZFieFzfhFZN64E0wpG2R7MMbqFVXl7-HMa374_ka29j6mC_Uvw5Tlj_7FrGQDje2fEdlKndnBwUzc/s1600/25+WW-2+gets+a+happy+ending.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhS7ljQTUBJFmH0NGr2xMiecILDmX3E80vihl0zPx4J65sy-Jss7yW4U8zg1WnO-2ZFieFzfhFZN64E0wpG2R7MMbqFVXl7-HMa374_ka29j6mC_Uvw5Tlj_7FrGQDje2fEdlKndnBwUzc/s320/25+WW-2+gets+a+happy+ending.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The resolution for Wonder Woman's story is apotheosis.<br />
Just sayin'...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, Wonder Woman-2 is given a place to live on Mount Olympus by the gods. Effectively, this ingrains her on New Earth to the extent that she all but reaches an apotheosis. This, in a new timeline in which nobody has ever heard of Wonder Woman at all, and it installs her in a locus very much tethered to the story of the Wonder Woman series that comes out of Crisis. I'm sure this won't open any continuity plot holes moving forward at all. Nope. None.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf2AFSlMve6SKDLIKmiD1ihKvdJ-38o3zeIuxGV-4zgSlamrO8fatE_MaWrsc56nTLnoHhfoqhdJpj6_y03VpB4xSwwbXvjI_k2Aefz7JEulNfoL_zELpYYUVq4-C9SQY3w8t0OBabP9U/s1600/26.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf2AFSlMve6SKDLIKmiD1ihKvdJ-38o3zeIuxGV-4zgSlamrO8fatE_MaWrsc56nTLnoHhfoqhdJpj6_y03VpB4xSwwbXvjI_k2Aefz7JEulNfoL_zELpYYUVq4-C9SQY3w8t0OBabP9U/s320/26.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cured just in time for an opening in an ongoing series.<br />
How convenient.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Memorials were made for fallen heroes such as Earth-2's Robin and Huntress, and Kole (whose bodies were never found), as well as Atlantis' Tula and Lori the Mermaid. Meanwhile, Wally West honors Barry Allen's memory in a different way by adopting his late mentor's identity by becoming the new Flash. Oh, and he's cured. Well, that was convenient.<br />
<br />
Lyla talks with Pariah and Lady Quark, who are now confirmed BFFs4Life, explaining what I believe amounts to "any remaining continuity gaps we haven't touched upon are simply going to fix themselves." It gives me the sense that continuity hadn't finished resetting itself when they woke up last issue, but now that the Anti-Monitor is gone, the new timeline will solidify itself. The bosom buddies ask Lyla to join them in exploring their new home, and she accepts, now that her father's work is complete, she has a life to live.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY5hjO1vERhOED9X9pRzCoqeI65fppiZzftXvC2IQvxnAabJuQK7tAuJ7HlYOb1CdOZKM18VyDL2f1yIGhfnuLlqPPgE_kLIT2Xq6ZsjCYAnm18psqgY6Yn2ZMn5jSc8NNQfYG3Oo6oNU/s1600/28.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY5hjO1vERhOED9X9pRzCoqeI65fppiZzftXvC2IQvxnAabJuQK7tAuJ7HlYOb1CdOZKM18VyDL2f1yIGhfnuLlqPPgE_kLIT2Xq6ZsjCYAnm18psqgY6Yn2ZMn5jSc8NNQfYG3Oo6oNU/s320/28.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Simba, remember who you are. You are my son and the one true..."<br />
Oops. Wrong cloud ghost speech. Sorry. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We have a final page-long epilogue. Psycho-Pirate is back where he started, in a psychiatric institution, but this time he's in Arkham Asylum, which means he'll be out on the streets any day now. He yammers on about how he is the only one who remembers the multiverse, confirming the idea that even the heroes who remembered it earlier will forget the previous continuity by the time DC finishes publishing their new origin stories, such as John Byrne's <i>Man of Steel</i> (which unfortunately now shares a moniker with a pretty craptastic piece of Snyder. And by Snyder, I mean "horseshit.") Honestly, I'm not sure if this epilogue was actually needed, but for a character that was such a sociopathic egotist and the only one complicit in Anti-Monitor's designs, it's actually pretty satisfying to see that final comeuppance. Also the effect of seeing someone who was promised so much, being panned away panel by panel until he vanishes from sight is quite effective.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
The End</div>
<br />
So, this is the first time in the blog that I've actually finally reached the end of a story arc. I figure this is my time to give my summary thoughts on the endeavor as a whole. I bet I could go on for ages about all my problems with this, but I'm aiming for brevity here.<br />
<br />
Before I go into what's wrong with it, I do believe in giving credit when it is due. This could not have been an easy task. It had a seismic amount of continuity to shift about to get DC's shared universe where editorial wanted it to be. Additionally, it had to accomplish this feat even while DC's ongoing line was still publishing stories. Keep in mind that this story was a many-headed hydra with every head coiled around each and every single corner of DC's labyrinthine continuity.<br />
<br />
It's also worth mentioning how avant garde this must have been in its time. Crossovers had long been a thing, yes. But never on this scale. The notion of the "Bat Family Crossover" wasn't even a thing yet. Most crossovers were simply between two titles, such as when JLA and the JSA would have their annual team-ups. And even then, a crossover almost assuredly never went on for a whole year or with such grand designs beyond mix in two sets of characters, sell more issues, and maybe tell a good story. This was ambitious and that cannot be understated.<br />
<br />
As for my issues with this, a lot of my problems with this book can be summed up with a few bullet points.<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>It's unfocused. The series is all over the place and good luck positively identifying a main protagonist in this story. It opts for a cast of thousands with as many pointless cameos as possible rather than zeroing in on a handful of protagonists for the reader to follow on this journey and get invested in. Quantity is confused for quality. Also, the series just fails to figure out what its big objective is. I can count no fewer than six smaller stories that make up the so-called event, one of which is honestly a huge distraction from the event and is so very summarily stopped dead in its tracks that it surpasses plot cul-de-sac and achieves plot escalator to nowhere.</li>
<li>The length. <i>Crisis </i>somehow manages to feel threadbare and flabby simultaneously. There is a lot of padding in this series. Additionally, it feels less like one big narrative than two and a half events that have been stapled together. And even taking that into consideration, they still don't have enough story for the 12-issue length. Like I said earlier, this sort of thing had never been attempted before and I think they realized halfway through that there wasn't enough story to sustain 12 issues, which is why issues 8-10 feel like a distraction by throwing in Blue Devil's Bogus Journey, just chilling with the Teen Titans, and the utterly pointless and heavily built-up escalator to nowhere that was the united villains subplot. Arguably, the three sizeable acts of this story would have been their own events, or more likely two events with a tentpole branding, such as often happened during Bendis' run on <i>Avengers</i>.</li>
<li>The villain. He's a cut and dry evil for the sake of evil baddie, which would have been just fine if he behaved as though he were on such a higher level than our heroes that he barely acknowledged their existence, but instead we end up in this weird situation where this very thinly written villain is effectively a Lovecraftian horror with a thing for dick measuring contests. He becomes that golden boy from high school who was the star athlete and student body president, was everybody's hero, and was offered a full ride, but at your 20 year reunion turns out to have completely fucked up his life beyond recognition, never left your home town, has a crappy job, and probably needs an intervention. </li>
</ul>
<div>
Having said all that, it's an important piece of history both for DC and for the world of long-running shared universes, in general. It also manages to provide a diverse, if not exactly immersive overview of what DC's cosmology was like pre-Crisis. To a point, I don't think it's aged well, but this was still in the era when the comics industry was still shaking off the mentality that they were kids' stuff, and really had yet to be recognized as an artform in its own right, and the structure of the narrative reflects that. Of course, even by the time this series concluded, that attitude was being challenged by <i>The Dark Knight</i> <i>Returns </i>and <i>Watchmen, </i>which together changed the landscape of what comics were and how they were perceived. It can actually be argued that the continuity overhaul that <i>Crisis</i> was designed to accomplish also laid the groundwork for a shared universe that better reflected a modern sensibility of storytelling that <i>Watchmen</i> and <i>DKR</i> first keyed into with its audience.</div>
<br />
<br />
Next Week: We finish up the less frustrating, but also less ambitious final issue of <i>Uncanny Avengers </i>volume 3's Plant Apocalypse arc. After that I think we might be about due for another cinematic palate cleansers before getting started on a couple new ongoing reading projects that are going to be a lot more fun.katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-58181550283738258702016-07-06T09:00:00.000-07:002016-07-06T09:00:14.018-07:00Old Man Kent and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5GOkhgIR8p3nL_O3Zlfv7nJAxa-z-S6VyZaDZr8HqT5uLqF6-y_bwWNIaRENLM10Mxh5ZZLcE1rUyN4Q7vJxy-rf1Of2RkVzk_Sb-16_S_pvDfq_ZuncgD88kZmkdfx4oB0D1KVcnXiE/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5GOkhgIR8p3nL_O3Zlfv7nJAxa-z-S6VyZaDZr8HqT5uLqF6-y_bwWNIaRENLM10Mxh5ZZLcE1rUyN4Q7vJxy-rf1Of2RkVzk_Sb-16_S_pvDfq_ZuncgD88kZmkdfx4oB0D1KVcnXiE/s400/00.JPG" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Five panels do not equal one cover.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Oddly enough, last week centered around an issue in which an older male character who derailed the narrative flow of the story because he was a square peg forcibly being hammered into a round hole of a story and has a tendency to suck all the air out of the room, so he's constantly pulling focus. This week however, we have an older male character who can literally suck all the air out of the room who wakes up and discovers that he has become a square peg in a round hole and manages to bring true, sorrowful pathos into a series where they just beat a Mega Man boss fight. Join me as I explore DC Comics' <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths </i>#11.<br />
<br />
Normally, I would start off giving my opinion of the cover. However, I really don't know how to discuss a cover that doesn't bother to do what a cover is meant to accomplish. Namely, a cover is meant to create a singular unified image that lures in the reader by hinting at what the story inside will be like. In issue #11, however, the cover is a bunch of panels. Issue #3 had done a similar trick, but it had the virtue of using the Monitor looking over the various tableaux depicted like a benevolent deity looking over the world. This on the other hand makes no effort to unify the different images. It's just a collection of unused art thrown together. The individual images are nice, don't get me wrong, but they don't constitute a singular crystallized visual thesis.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Up top, it looks like Kid Flash and Superman-1 are keeping Superman-2 from being sucked into a vortex.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Middle left, Wonder Woman-1 and Donna Troy are facing down Wonder Woman-2 and her daughter, Fury, in Themiscyra. I smell hijinks. Wacky ones.<br />
<br />
Dead center Lyla is once again. Or at least her head is, as it stares out at the reader.<br />
<br />
Middle right, Dr. Fate, Etrigan, and The Phantom Stranger are coming to the rescue of a character who you'd only recognize in this series if you'd paid attention to the Monitor Tapes last issue.<br />
Down below, an array of characters look on in trepidation, as characters tend to do in this series. What caught my attention in this panel is the number of Bat family members is this panel. Alfred, Batman, and Jason Todd flank an embracing Robin-2 and Huntress. It's basically Batman, his surrogate father and his children both surrogate and natural, both Earth-1 android Earth-2.<br />
<br />
The issue starts with an image of the Earth. It echoes back to the first issue where we saw the birth of the multiverse, except the narration makes it clear that there is only one universe now.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhyphenhyphenV73-K1Y0wOaYAF7p7Nj9TXCgCI26XtKSBbiGsFUwgeyL855Gvn4cFZxIWOv-j5bHCnKyHaRgIbj5UXVG8F-zn4atPbM4MakeDHhR1PDOM1Wq5SOU_bmSfLUqQPqomof8GYXh2YCKo/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhyphenhyphenV73-K1Y0wOaYAF7p7Nj9TXCgCI26XtKSBbiGsFUwgeyL855Gvn4cFZxIWOv-j5bHCnKyHaRgIbj5UXVG8F-zn4atPbM4MakeDHhR1PDOM1Wq5SOU_bmSfLUqQPqomof8GYXh2YCKo/s320/01.JPG" width="191" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Perry doesn't give a single fuck as long<br />as nobody sits in his spot. See also:<br />Sheldon Cooper</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
ERth -2 Clark Kent wakes up in his apartment, thinking that the past 10 issues were a horrible dream. I think "prolonged, poorly paced fever dream" might be a bit closer to the truth than horrible, but on with the show. He's confused as to why his wife Lois isn't by his side, but shrugs it off and gets dressed for work. Once there, he goes to his office as he usually does when he's angrily met with the office's rightful owner Perry White. Clark is confused and lost for words when he is rescued out by the Clark of Earth-1, who passes Clark-2 off as his slightly dotty uncle. There is an exchange between Earth-1 Clark and Perry that suggests that Perry is aware of Clark's dial identity, but Perry is pretty coy about it. </div>
<div>
<br />
Okay, there is a lot of interaction between these two this issue, so for simplicity's sake, I'll call Earth-1 "Clark" and Earth-2 "Old Man Kent."<br />
<br />
The two Supermen suit up and take to the air, attempting to sort out the situation. Old Man Kent concludes that he must simply be on Earth-1 and is eager to get back to his wife. The very next thought he has is to tell Clark that he should settle down with his Lois, too. Geez, Old Man Kent might either be projecting, playing Yente the Matchmaker, or both.<br />
<br />
It might be a bit more complicated than Old Man Kent simply being displaced. They both recognize that they woke up that morning thinking the events of crisis were simply nightmares, and for the most part the rest of the world, at least those they've encountered since waking up can't even say that much. There are some things that they recall, albeit hazily. There's common memory of Supergirl dying in battle, but the specifics aren't there anymore. When they touch down on solid confront a cop, who doesn't even recognize Old Man Kent, despite Earth-2 being a long-standing known quantity at this point.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbXh8y3V-A9_nE3ZkMNOweqoLkofy-mJqEXprrzOfftGYi-PU9-y7hLNnoHMk5zVtvL7fM8kyW_dBRt7bo6TI2NUMpzK0eL4yRY44KzzXWsSqvaL96BBNQ4vZc_Ul2pVr5llkJ6GXWjw4/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbXh8y3V-A9_nE3ZkMNOweqoLkofy-mJqEXprrzOfftGYi-PU9-y7hLNnoHMk5zVtvL7fM8kyW_dBRt7bo6TI2NUMpzK0eL4yRY44KzzXWsSqvaL96BBNQ4vZc_Ul2pVr5llkJ6GXWjw4/s320/02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Joan Garrick: Real Housewife of NJ</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They resume their flight, but then they spot a sign for the Twin Cities, Central and Keystone City. But wait... aren't they supposed to be opposite reality analogues of one another? Old Man Kent spots the home of Joan and Jay Garrick, the elderly Flash of Earth-2. Joan, who is multitasking cooking barbecue and wearing a bumpit, which makes me think Keystone might be along the Jersey Coast. Maybe Ocean City. Considering Metropolis is supposed to be New York City, it makes sense that this is their first pit stop. Well, Joan recognizes Clark alright, but wonders who his older friend is. It's also fairly well-insinuated that she knows Clark as Superman, whereas previously the Kents and the Garricks were longstanding family friends. Old Man Kent's bewilderment gets to take a break, however, when Jay comes out and hallelujah! Someone recognizes Old Man Kent.<br />
<br />
<br />
Jay takes the two down to his lab, where we also find Wally West finishing up repairs on the cosmic treadmill. Leave it to the Flash family to caucus and form a plan in the face of confusion faster than anybody else. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I kind of love the Allen-West-Garrick clan. They're all noble, if a little bit dorky, but unashamedly so.<br />
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The group discuss the details of what appears to be a mixed up, merged timeline, although they dance around outright calling it that. The basic fact of the matter is that in the world in which they all find themselves, characters from Earth-1 and Earth-2 seem to have shared a history... except for Old Man Kent, who nobody remembers.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU3yMSL_G_pukWfUZGsl9gdVCk2HZrlOOMbRk2TuPqAsuwhXlhAEFk7u5HKlFWsNe318TSg66X5_fAMfcABLHSSDPJljQ9p6CB5jri5l9RXwY9D-_bmiqLrPD7EaLLIzzgoXeqd_E7KHo/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU3yMSL_G_pukWfUZGsl9gdVCk2HZrlOOMbRk2TuPqAsuwhXlhAEFk7u5HKlFWsNe318TSg66X5_fAMfcABLHSSDPJljQ9p6CB5jri5l9RXwY9D-_bmiqLrPD7EaLLIzzgoXeqd_E7KHo/s320/04.JPG" width="307" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We're sorry. The reality you dialed is no longer in service.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Jay suspects that they are on neither of their worlds and Old Man Kent seriously doesn't like the sound of that. On that note, Wally lets them know that the Cosmic Treadmill is prepped and ready to go and that he intends to go looking for Barry after they're done here. The four of them but the their pedals to the metal and the Cosmic Treadmill does it's thing. Whereas once, they would have found themselves on another Earth, they now find themselves in a gaping abyss of nothingness.<br />
<br />
They realize there are no longer other realities except the one they woke up on. Wally suggests they get back to the remaining world and figure out what's going on, but Old Man Kent, concluding that he doesn't belong in a world where nobody seems to remember him, thinks he's better off here and begins to fly off. Clark grabs him by the cape, preventing him from flying off into oblivion and the speedsters hotfoot the Cosmic Treadmill with all speed to get them out of there before Old Man Kent can break free. They rematerialize back in Jay's workshop and the Treadmill is smashed to smithereens, which is convenient now that it serves absolutely no purpose. Wally suggests that they gather as many people together as possible to figure things out, and he knows just the place...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGZRoW1mxiZW3pFquyNtXucvNRQsbg_pP6jOzs4YSZfVfxy2eKJU0eif18OAJe7Y-b3QJH6qJQfOBWAZcPzCP38M7shu8MozdhezOU001wVa08zb63Sy2VRfdUu15pxZLAvzIXJA398ME/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGZRoW1mxiZW3pFquyNtXucvNRQsbg_pP6jOzs4YSZfVfxy2eKJU0eif18OAJe7Y-b3QJH6qJQfOBWAZcPzCP38M7shu8MozdhezOU001wVa08zb63Sy2VRfdUu15pxZLAvzIXJA398ME/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Behold as your innocence curls up and dies.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So yeah, that last paragraph had a lot going on, so I just want to reiterate this in case it got lost in the shuffle. <b>Superman just attempted suicide.</b> That's a big deal. Not only is it disturbing because, being the Superman of Earth-2, and thus the Golden Age iteration, he's technically the Superman readers have known the longest, but it's also incredibly unsettling when you consider what Superman is. He's a paragon of hope. Hell, that's what the "S" shield on his chest means in Kryptonian. For him to fall into such utter despair over the course of a morning really shakes you and drives home how world shattering this is. For once, I like the fact that this isn't neat and tidy. This is bringing some real pathos without delivering another funeral for a friend/noble sacrifice scenario. Old Man Kent just had his whole world taken away from him and what few people do remember him won't let him take away his own life as well.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfl_avh4WB-SjmpjLkFvjJ4XwR_dQCsG7F4wz3EahdJ6JQnNdfWmEkwFmfN_lJbwJ6zHuOEu9NfaAQDvu6BNoOEk-fxKvjrBZfmUYADlQPO8aCLFLmZhiHZAgDmW81s6AUhz4k4lh_8Ns/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfl_avh4WB-SjmpjLkFvjJ4XwR_dQCsG7F4wz3EahdJ6JQnNdfWmEkwFmfN_lJbwJ6zHuOEu9NfaAQDvu6BNoOEk-fxKvjrBZfmUYADlQPO8aCLFLmZhiHZAgDmW81s6AUhz4k4lh_8Ns/s320/06.JPG" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Old Man Kent's goth phase came rather late in life...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Elsewhere in space, Rory Williams, er, I mean, Rip Hunter and a bunch of people I don't care about have found Brainiac's space vessel, where both it and Brainiac's body itself seem to be dead or inert. Right. DC Comics is going to kill him twice in three issues and off-panel, no less. Oh, DC. You really have me believing. Let me sign up for a pyramid scheme while I'm at it.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFqVwvW8eL9kDSkMdJPIGGhFH90yyjYpCid7CPU2k1ivPmOuQFJs1LMAlB33KPuG3KhZyLOHFrBr6fuTUARymOPZ4na5RtUhq1S-Be2fAoNHrLuXY0BfMLcYnEuOxYcJCbk_kuRAk6DA/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIFqVwvW8eL9kDSkMdJPIGGhFH90yyjYpCid7CPU2k1ivPmOuQFJs1LMAlB33KPuG3KhZyLOHFrBr6fuTUARymOPZ4na5RtUhq1S-Be2fAoNHrLuXY0BfMLcYnEuOxYcJCbk_kuRAk6DA/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brainiac's dead? I'll have a better time believing forwarding a <br />chain letter will bring me riches and fame.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Over at Titans Tower, all the newly condensed world's heroes are gathered to discuss what we already know. Only those of them who were on-site for last issue's climactic battle are able to remember the previous existence of the multiverse. Quite notably, Lyla is once again in her Harbinger persona. When that is questioned after having declared that she'd never be able to be Harbinger again, she asserts that much that once was has been rewritten.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6G4Va1r5lbf9qfO4L5wCgY9VJRwu7-HyVDke6C_ASmuQSXL0xYSul4GFZPE_8pmYkQ-Ea7LNha95vfaWWRW9ZtkyYnW8QwdfjksPReBPE5-oTTcNLy6TruI-dSDQ46fUBzA-ZPtmcqkU/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6G4Va1r5lbf9qfO4L5wCgY9VJRwu7-HyVDke6C_ASmuQSXL0xYSul4GFZPE_8pmYkQ-Ea7LNha95vfaWWRW9ZtkyYnW8QwdfjksPReBPE5-oTTcNLy6TruI-dSDQ46fUBzA-ZPtmcqkU/s320/08.JPG" width="221" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lyla couldn't wait to try on that <br />ugly brides maids gown a second time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There are a lot of heartstring-tugging moments in this sequence, such as Lady Quark recognizing Old Man Kent as a man without a world, just as she and Pariah are. I have a feeling that now that he's been absolved of his guilt in the destruction of the multiverse, Lady Quark is going out of her way to be his friend in order to sublimate her rage. They seem to only appear together in this issue-- including the cover.<br />
<br />
But I think I have to give the sob story award for the issue to Huntress. There have been a couple different Huntresses and I feel like it's necessary to give a little backstory for this to really understand the impact: In this era, Huntress was Helena Wayne. She is the adult daughter of Earth-2's Batman, Bruce Wayne, and reformed Selina Kyle, Catwoman. As such, Alfred is her surrogate grandfather and Dick Grayson her surrogate brother... also, technically her boss in the law firm she ends up joining. She adopts her superhero persona after her mother is blackmailed by a former associate into donning her Catwoman persona and subsequently caused her death. Not long after becoming Huntress, her father passed away as well.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZcpSoZstac3KuTSs5e2fAlKShrnwNUkwtfqBdXBmDG0THhMLVJkCtbaB4YRP364G7WexrvHk7arD1aCt3Pkprz5JWb8PUJUcXuLjaz7vdClx9HAiWitoWbdGn_6Bl2ZcDeeHuyn4zHtE/s1600/09+bffs+4eva.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZcpSoZstac3KuTSs5e2fAlKShrnwNUkwtfqBdXBmDG0THhMLVJkCtbaB4YRP364G7WexrvHk7arD1aCt3Pkprz5JWb8PUJUcXuLjaz7vdClx9HAiWitoWbdGn_6Bl2ZcDeeHuyn4zHtE/s320/09+bffs+4eva.JPG" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He didn't destroy my entire world. <br />We're BFFs 4ever!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I know a lot of people, especially in my age demographic, she is better known as mafia princess turned anti-mafia vigilante, Helena Bertinelli. In fact, I even remember a conversation in which a lifelong DC fan was upset when New 52 continuity relapsed to Helena Wayne. Speaking for myself, I have always liked the concept of the Bat-Family. In fact, I have a hard time relating to Batman when operating independently of them. I suspect saying that might be blasphemy, but I always like Batman better when that "I work alone and live on a consistent diet of justice and angst" mentality is counterbalanced by his mentorship and pseudo-parental guidance. It humanizes him without diminishing his otherness. However, much like what I like about Damian Wayne actively trying to connect with his father in the present, there is something so fantastically tragic about Helena Wayne losing that connection and trying to live up to her father's memory.<br />
<br />
Tying that back into the actual story at hand, Helena relates an account of like Old Man Kent, waking up and discovering she doesn't exist in this world when she goes to her apartment and finding someone else living there. Her story culminates in a painful moment when she describes going to where her father's grave ought to be and finding its absence. Then who is she joined by but fellow Bat-Family member and Crisis survivor Dick Grayson, who embraces her like only a protective older brother could.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpH7nsY_pFmH6-LU24Bse64qBZ8XNA-fIgHCC__w2HmtlRJKHovgTiTIZi7vO5Ps5xCZy7DSEyjukfBdQnp02ESWuIQ2wRnfYFqyKC9eiXjlTqNefwidDiEqUFm3dI41aXUKtyh_Vi5PM/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpH7nsY_pFmH6-LU24Bse64qBZ8XNA-fIgHCC__w2HmtlRJKHovgTiTIZi7vO5Ps5xCZy7DSEyjukfBdQnp02ESWuIQ2wRnfYFqyKC9eiXjlTqNefwidDiEqUFm3dI41aXUKtyh_Vi5PM/s320/10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The best Dick Grayson is big bro Dick.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Pardon me. Looking for some Kleenex... okay, back to the review.<br />
<br />
Lyla takes the floor and goes into a lengthy speech about how histories have been altered and merged in the wake of the unified universe's rebirth. As such, certain characters whose existences critically overlap now find that their histories never happened. Only one Tom and Martha Wayne were gunned down in Crime Alley. Only one shuttle was sent from Krypton on the eve of its annihilation. I know in-universe, this is pretty major, but I have to admit that it really sounds like this issue is going to great pains to make sure you understand what's happening. I feel like a teacher is talking to me ridiculously slowly and clearly while pressing visual aids up to my face.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgswHdnXz62STUjmCoOhnPNCDzMU9Rc6NZb6qrurq-M_iPfJu5AEazH0Zht8SMo-S71NWcU9ld1OoMqCEQb_4Wx9HT4kzPeBj5I5LEh1hiRN14rwLJ2HwMilfE76PZQncrKC-tsNTeJ3wI/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgswHdnXz62STUjmCoOhnPNCDzMU9Rc6NZb6qrurq-M_iPfJu5AEazH0Zht8SMo-S71NWcU9ld1OoMqCEQb_4Wx9HT4kzPeBj5I5LEh1hiRN14rwLJ2HwMilfE76PZQncrKC-tsNTeJ3wI/s320/12.JPG" width="273" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We have to take you out of the story before<br />someone realizes you're just a She-Ra clone.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Elsewhere, a bunch of occult heroes come to the aid of Amethyst. Yeah, like I said, instead of giving you a taste of what's going on in this issue, this cover just gives away surprises. Amethyst apparently is another multiverse refugee. My problem with her inclusion here is that her existence, like Superboy-Prime's, diminishes the narrative impact of the scenario Wolfman and Perez established. Initially, it was only the denizens of the five Earths who survived. With each extra-dimensional character that appears whose Earth wasn't included in Lyla's remaining Earths council, it just makes me think that the Anti-Monitor really doesn't take his shtick seriously. Then again, I'm growing more confident in my conclusion that he's a sub-par main antagonist.<br />
<br />
They help her escape from a crowd of superstitious villagers... in Las Vegas? You know what? I'm not overthinking it. This interlude is shoehorned in and I'm fairly convinced they included her under editorial edict. Moving on before I waste another brain cell.<br />
<br />
Not understanding what is going on or where she is, Amethyst attempts to return to her reality of Gemworld (it's a truly, truly, truly outrageous place), but something both bars the portal she creates and blinds her in the process. Dr. Fate steadies her, but on looking her in the eye, he recognizes something about her and realizes that she cannot stay on Earth and opens a portal to return her to her reality. Goddammit, DC! Didn't we just spend over half an issue going into agonizing detail about how there is only one reality now? You couldn't wait a full issue?<br />
<br />
In the background of this subplot, however, are ominous pink clouds and the Anti-Monitor's shadow warriors. They go completely unnoticed.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPzD3W0zB47s9SlFoGh46le7ACJ9YyhUVmy0-V9MAREHKDD3LozQGiNlCxaBLUpagUojTdQ8vkVrKMuM-dCgHqzmVTnq4DlSa72O86qkE_6v41PSyVb2wtGPL1Ru8biHoYmRr0mAqlvU/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisPzD3W0zB47s9SlFoGh46le7ACJ9YyhUVmy0-V9MAREHKDD3LozQGiNlCxaBLUpagUojTdQ8vkVrKMuM-dCgHqzmVTnq4DlSa72O86qkE_6v41PSyVb2wtGPL1Ru8biHoYmRr0mAqlvU/s320/13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Old Man Kent really does get the shortest stick here. <br />He lost his history and he's too old to start anew.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In the skies above, Clark chases down a despondent Old Man Kent. He refuses to give up on the elder Superman in his time of need, just as Old Man Kent didn't give up on him. Old Man Kent is at his lowest ebb. With the world rewritten and everything he once knew gone, he finds himself in a world where the one person who means the most to him has never existed. And here he is a man with no place in the world. Both of these are merely the result of the whim of fate. He has no sense of place or purpose in this world. I would argue that this moment is tragically short, but it's just so beautifully sad a moment that to tamper with it would spoil it.<br />
<br />
Back at Titans Tower, we get a few more instances in which this continuity clean up results in more problems than solutions. Donna Troy relates her experience on far away on <strike>Themiscyra</strike> Paradise Island. Wonder Woman and her sorta sister meet Wonder Woman and her daughter. And that's about it. I didn't get my wacky hijinks. I just got awkwardness. Meanwhile, Power Girl doesn't understand why she is remembered but Old Man Kent isn't. My no-prize answer is that her defining attribute isn't being Kryptonian. It's her boob window. Maybe that protected her.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwgX1Q5LH_FbAnntPP3Pw0W4c6eSO68Bef4p786hS25ueEr18yMVqeK1EDL9aObBHJOsElV7B8ZEUQchUV7ZEIquRdJba7l5gkZESw36wgVkFsoeXkLiG7Mj-pJEqSjlxOw4_Jjme6PY/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="274" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlwgX1Q5LH_FbAnntPP3Pw0W4c6eSO68Bef4p786hS25ueEr18yMVqeK1EDL9aObBHJOsElV7B8ZEUQchUV7ZEIquRdJba7l5gkZESw36wgVkFsoeXkLiG7Mj-pJEqSjlxOw4_Jjme6PY/s320/14.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He has traumatic past life memories about <br />his clashing green and purple wardrobe.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Batman, Robin (the young Jason Todd one, for clarity's sake), and Alexander Luthor report that they checked out Lex Luthor, who they found in prison. Not only does this Luthor not remember the events of Crisis, but he actually shows an incredible amount of disdain for costumed super-persons as a rule. Knowing that we're trading in the mad scientist in green and purple power armor for the sly, Machiavellian power broker we're all much more familiar with, we can see the transition evident here without it being really concrete about the direction the character would be taking, which would ultimately be codified in John Byrne's <i>The Man of Steel</i> mini series.<br />
<br />
I found the inclusion of Alexander Luthor feels odd in this instance. Yes, I can understand why he would be there. He has previously demonstrated a curiosity about his father (in retrospect, I realize he was creeping on a private moment between Old Man Kent and Old Lady Lois because she was his mother on Earth-3), but last time they were face to face, we had insight into how Alexander views his father's doppelganger, and by extension, Alexander as a person, as opposed to Alexander as a walking macguffin. However, he is just present in this scene, which is unfortunate. It felt like he is utilized in this scene more to give him a presence in the issue than to further his character.<br />
<br />
Finally, Changeling finally has the wherewithal to move the plot forward. As poignant as <i>some </i>of these scenes of singular universe realization have been, they've overstayed their welcome. Gar points out the ominous pink clouds, which the narration does us a solid by illustrating just how widespread they've become. And by "widespread," I mean "global." Why do I think this is such a glorious boon? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, we get to see more of Gorilla City. I'm generally more of a Bronze Age/Modern Era reader, but I have to give credit to this most silly of Silver Age inventions. Sam Simeon appears in all of one panel, but I think he might be my new favorite. It's also nice to see that Solovar has been upgraded from "probably dead" to "seriously injured" due to DC's hard reset to continuity.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDoAtvu8vAXlHI44b5G9KiVzTIKtUEOBVx-A46ta6AN8T8Fxmk4bLyubONz0I2huOjjtjqnZgFDc_WrmsSiM-SiqY599MiQ8JFIB79fbK1UCbPLtH9d2lmgndl4_XD5w3s9zoyZqMLyTU/s1600/15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDoAtvu8vAXlHI44b5G9KiVzTIKtUEOBVx-A46ta6AN8T8Fxmk4bLyubONz0I2huOjjtjqnZgFDc_WrmsSiM-SiqY599MiQ8JFIB79fbK1UCbPLtH9d2lmgndl4_XD5w3s9zoyZqMLyTU/s320/15.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pariah is the heroes' equivalent of a canary in a mine shaft.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Elsewhere, the Challengers of the Unknown continue to be characters I don't care about. At least the off-brand GI Joe characters we met during the "protect quest" portion of the early issues had the decency to include a haunted tank. These guys, I'm sorry. Wolfman and Perez have done a decent job with making us feel somewhat acquainted with a wide array of characters from DC's catalog, but the Challengers fall flat. Then again, with such interesting and bizarre characters peopling the DCU, a bunch of science guys who don't really have a visible story hook and seemingly exist to exposit scientifically are doomed to underwhelm. Anyway, whilst spelunking they find an entire underground cavern full of the evil anti-matter pink storm clouds.<br />
<br />
Back at Titans Tower, Gar compares the storm to Ghostbusters, presumably the scene after Walter Peck unleashed the ghost containment tank. Lady Quark notices Pariah vanishing. She looks genuinely concerned, despite how frequently this happens. Again, further supporting my assertion that she is overcompensating for having spent so much time hating him. Pariah seems to be caught halfway through being teleported away and sounds especially pained by the experience. Meanwhile, Alexander Luthor's body is once again half antimatter. So yeah, his brief existence as a character has ended and he's once again a full-fledged macguffin.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJOpt0QnCzYzrY4U4-9Z5UXV_hc5O7rFD78lXpQkhKOmtFGxfoaykLR5GnQAjAFeF79HZB0xcH1J4Xbt6BM_U9V3RyDElZ9V3gA0Z3Zeo9JBvTw0H8oANIhI79g9VWhlwvvHqELnfDII/s1600/5259266818_f8c98b1a63.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBJOpt0QnCzYzrY4U4-9Z5UXV_hc5O7rFD78lXpQkhKOmtFGxfoaykLR5GnQAjAFeF79HZB0xcH1J4Xbt6BM_U9V3RyDElZ9V3gA0Z3Zeo9JBvTw0H8oANIhI79g9VWhlwvvHqELnfDII/s320/5259266818_f8c98b1a63.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, like you weren't thinking it...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It is finally becoming quite apparent to everyone that they aren't out of the Crisis woods just yet. On a rooftop above, Clark and Old Man Kent look up and see an astral outline of the Anti-Monitor staring down at the last Earth, making a proclamation of, "Welcome to your doom!"<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I'm going to have to call shenanigans on this final splash page. Oh, it's perfectly serviceable, don't get me wrong. My problem with it is that it's an example of what I also complained about with the cover: laziness in the art. It's less noticeable than the cover mind you. Whereas the cover looks like a few random unused panels tossed together in a failed attempt to create a singular definitive thesis, this is an example of a recycled moment. I probably wouldn't even notice or care if it was in some random issue of <i>New Teen Titans</i>, and honestly that would be an excellent way to illustrate Trigon. However, in the same story, one that even to this day purports to be the biggest story DC has ever told, it shows either a lack of creativity or a fondness for shortcuts to repeat a final page reveal for the penultimate issue in the same cosmic style as that of the second issue. I could see an argument for symmetry, but I doubt it, especially considering the last couple issues haven't even bothered with final reveals.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinRNbAB51btqOXn6OxVhj97CKthIZejPnWlOl8zy8-nVo5puJ5umEys3eycN-VSYV4oIeV6rDAzZFjoNwFybi7ge5XJP9RuhXUxsTpYgCSaXpJPikYaFVxrB_ayyaruLG-cOgfolonEkY/s1600/16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinRNbAB51btqOXn6OxVhj97CKthIZejPnWlOl8zy8-nVo5puJ5umEys3eycN-VSYV4oIeV6rDAzZFjoNwFybi7ge5XJP9RuhXUxsTpYgCSaXpJPikYaFVxrB_ayyaruLG-cOgfolonEkY/s400/16.JPG" width="357" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, really, guys. I'm totally going to destroy you all, this time. <br />I mean it. Why are you laughing?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I'm honestly not sure what my final opinion of this issue is. On the one hand, looking at it as an individual issue, it delivered some intensely powerful character moments, did a seismic amount of world building, and it made me care about certain characters who have been featured heavily since the beginning of this maxi series as well as others I wouldn't have otherwise even known about. It helped make what is essentially an editorially mandated revision to continuity into something that feels personal. That is no mean feat.<br />
<br />
However, as the penultimate installment of a 12-issue event series, it feels out of place. I honestly love less action packed "palate cleanser" issues that allow the reader to breath and take in what has happened and how the plot has changed our characters. However, they work better in an ongoing series, where they can split up different story arcs without taking away from a finite number of issues needed to tell one overarching narrative. <i>Crisis </i>already had one with issue #8 and I generally welcomed a break from the action. As much as I liked all the attention to character and this opportunity to take in what has happened, with only two issues left to go, I felt like this issue should have been building towards the final climactic confrontation instead of what effectively amounts to a superhero get-together and peer counselling session. The final threat of the Anti-Monitor kind of sneaks up on them, reminiscent of a toddler who is genuinely surprised every time a jack-in-the-box pops out. I like it on its own, but within the context of what it is, where it is positioned in the overall story, and what function it ought to be performing, it falls short of what the event needs.<br />
<br />
Join me next week as I finally get to see the final Crisis. No not <b>that</b> <i>Final Crisis</i>. Ugh. Why did they list it that way on the "next time" tag? Next time, we're putting this series to rest with <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i> #12.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-3368459036112059622016-06-28T17:39:00.002-07:002016-06-28T17:54:04.478-07:00Shit My Possibly Racist Time Traveling Mutant Grandpa Says<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiUrAAlUOO5VVV4_8txgY1PZ2KsG6j3cAfzMq5U0dx3qCsukcQ3ZulkqZpUE4uFc75DAOuNBMct5SB8J5uSO2XjMvCZK9zN45laWuRIYoLIanWA5TGf1MzV8cdkb2HSdI6uE6lFGrQQgU/s1600/3.00.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiUrAAlUOO5VVV4_8txgY1PZ2KsG6j3cAfzMq5U0dx3qCsukcQ3ZulkqZpUE4uFc75DAOuNBMct5SB8J5uSO2XjMvCZK9zN45laWuRIYoLIanWA5TGf1MzV8cdkb2HSdI6uE6lFGrQQgU/s640/3.00.PNG" width="416" /></a>It's been a while since we checked in on the Unity Team, and I figure we're about due. My feeling on this title so far has been mixed. I admittedly have deeper ties as a reader to most of this lineup of characters than anything else I've written for the blog to date, but I've yet to feel more than okay about this book. Of course, compared to its previous two volumes, I can say I like it quite a lot, but on its own merits, it's only a solid "okay." Of course, at the end of last issue we saw the introduction of this team's sixth ranger, the man called Cable. Whether he proves to be this book's missing ingredient or a flavor that overpowers the rest of the team remains to be seen. Of course, naming the issue "Too Many Cooks" gives a good sense of where this is leading.<br />
<br />
The cover is fairly straightforward. It's Cable. Holding a big freaking gun pointed in the reader's face. There really isn't much to elaborate on other than the fact that he has an Avengers insignia on his chest where he'd normally have an X badge. So, there's very little mystery whether or not he's joining the team. I do have to wonder why his body language has his legs spread so wide apart. I mean, he ends up in that pose a lot. Is it because those BFG's he carries around are so heavy that they lower his center of gravity or does he simply take manspreading to a new level?<br />
<br />
The issue starts off with Brother Voodoo and Quicksilver. They're standing under a massive tree under the unearthly red skies of Boston. Pietro is bragging about how easily he took out the Shredded Man. If that doesn't sound at all the way things played out at the end of the last issue, then congratulations for paying attention.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTlJ92T7D8rfEnSKeSG4J12EPcOJ7t7Frh31j1Y66Az8DDr5P4Bn-2vlxNwQzV27UxT-j2ZL_xyVFQHSBNY3UrqQWxOUjaGBX6u7iQtk-OsCTMXyB11gM2O2rRW9AgxRP4mpSvjUgzhVU/s1600/3.01.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTlJ92T7D8rfEnSKeSG4J12EPcOJ7t7Frh31j1Y66Az8DDr5P4Bn-2vlxNwQzV27UxT-j2ZL_xyVFQHSBNY3UrqQWxOUjaGBX6u7iQtk-OsCTMXyB11gM2O2rRW9AgxRP4mpSvjUgzhVU/s400/3.01.PNG" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aw, Pietro's getting better at making friends...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Brother Voodoo is less than delicate in pointing out the discrepancy. As soon as he points out that Quicksilver didn't exactly survive that encounter, the next thing Quicksilver knows, he surrounded by the grasping hands of demons. Considering Marvel has long established that the appearance of hell / hell dimensions are subjective, and moments ago everything was honky dory for Quicky's afterlife experience, I'm just going to rule this sudden shift as being Brother Voodoo having a flair for the dramatic. In short order, Jericho pulls Pietro away from the throng of demons, pulls open the veil between this life and the next and they escape. Interestingly, as they flee, Voodoo tells Quicksilver not to look back. It feels very reminiscent of the story of Orpheus and makes me wonder whether Haitian mythology has a similar myth. Once they're gone, an ominous demonic voice says that Voodoo owes him a life and that he'll seem him/her soon.<br />
<br />
As far as hellscapes go, this is underplayed, but effective. If you hadn't looked at the recap or read the previous issue immediately before this, the turn really can take you buy surprise and feels disturbing without feeling too graphic. It gives you just enough of a tease for the future story they're setting up here.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_8y81cL-CRfP7ZpIfFEoEWOvBkua8I8rKOWa0KFvwff63khak1YCyW7ksExAyGgT5RV8J-NUHrjUiIcdzI_N2_TGglvkZN-ZtqfS5l1Sqn1z2xzWc5iI12CyXjrAR8ve2VodahWOarhs/s1600/3.02.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_8y81cL-CRfP7ZpIfFEoEWOvBkua8I8rKOWa0KFvwff63khak1YCyW7ksExAyGgT5RV8J-NUHrjUiIcdzI_N2_TGglvkZN-ZtqfS5l1Sqn1z2xzWc5iI12CyXjrAR8ve2VodahWOarhs/s320/3.02.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The afterlife are big believers in "take a penny, leave a penny."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in the land of the living, Deadpool is administering CPR to Quicksilver's body. Once revived,, I find it funny that Quicksilver is so used to the life of being a superhero that he doesn't even acknowledge Deadpool for his medically resuscitation, but thanks Brother Voodoo for his mystic mojo. He also asks what that voice they heard as they left was. Voodoo's response is vague and portentous, and also avoids gender pronouns, which makes me think the creative team hadn't figured out who this was by the time the issue hit the printing press.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfi-7U-w2ln_qvPAB-uuN3KRctEVfpXOXQ4korumTZbB5swrk0TnXM6PqLYx-2ugwAzgnoJ6dm20hb5RU_V920n_dhPYw0VY_PazIxCRMGis2c3OR8Cbc8hO9tfZ46ltErpADoukmbCo/s1600/3.04.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqfi-7U-w2ln_qvPAB-uuN3KRctEVfpXOXQ4korumTZbB5swrk0TnXM6PqLYx-2ugwAzgnoJ6dm20hb5RU_V920n_dhPYw0VY_PazIxCRMGis2c3OR8Cbc8hO9tfZ46ltErpADoukmbCo/s320/3.04.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Deadpool's defining trait on a team book seems to be <br />
solidarity with the boss.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now that their teammate is out of mortal peril, they rejoin Synapse and Rogue, who is attempting to handle crowd control The citizens of Boston are scared and the team is trying to main a quarantine. Now, I love Rogue. She has many admirable qualities. She has an unorthodox leadership style and can do wonders under less than ideal circumstances, has some killer fashion sense, can really turn a phrase, and is hella sassy However, being the public face of a team and reassuring the public are not really in her repertoire. Her words of reassurance are interrupted by someone pelting her with garbage and shouting "Go home, mutie!"<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2owsf8Xn3HgYdXBorNt4AD2IGjWTEPuu1LNZRy_0vJ4c6EA7RZY_Y_xShCF-J22DVmxXUse3fivqNzZtJtrwukHBupdaMaPpxJF-nWbR8qtLuj2-kmt-ubacbW6uUyQCGDj1-E3ni_dc/s1600/3.05.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2owsf8Xn3HgYdXBorNt4AD2IGjWTEPuu1LNZRy_0vJ4c6EA7RZY_Y_xShCF-J22DVmxXUse3fivqNzZtJtrwukHBupdaMaPpxJF-nWbR8qtLuj2-kmt-ubacbW6uUyQCGDj1-E3ni_dc/s320/3.05.PNG" width="206" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This splash page would feel earned if both this <br />
issue's cover and last issue's final page<br />
reveal hadn't done the exact same thing.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Deadpool goes on the defensive. He's been tangential to mutant narratives for so long that I'm sure he has a strong sense of mutant solidarity. Either that or he shows her the same amount of respect as team leader as he has shown Wolvie and Cap in the past. Rogue calls him off, though.<br />
<br />
The crowd suddenly bolts, a pack of veggie hellhounds are headed for them. The team lines up to block them off at the pass when they are surprised by the arrival of (one of) the X-Men's own time traveling continuity snarl, Cable. Deadpool shouts out his name and it appears fully illustrated in big blocky bubble letters. Had you been reading this in a trade, that would have been the second time that happened in under 10 pages. Cable fires off his BFG with a widespread blast that neutralizes the oncoming devil dogs.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwgfWcijsgnhrMCCYjHp1o0Z92quwKH8SG0wuU7Y115kL4HLaeCv3ZIUVzu0nZo03NqiRpkf7yIk_ik0C3mGx2AO8-uuGxnH28HY1AnzywvSuVHPSauB1JjSjbTE6-oYuC2EPjDFegwU/s1600/3.06.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYwgfWcijsgnhrMCCYjHp1o0Z92quwKH8SG0wuU7Y115kL4HLaeCv3ZIUVzu0nZo03NqiRpkf7yIk_ik0C3mGx2AO8-uuGxnH28HY1AnzywvSuVHPSauB1JjSjbTE6-oYuC2EPjDFegwU/s320/3.06.PNG" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cable is inches away from being your offensive grandpa.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There is a funny exchange in which Synapse fulfills her role as Ensign Newbie to perfection. Cable is unfamiliar with her and asks her what her shtick is. Upon description, Cable replies, "Okay, well... we can't all be winners." I know she's probably good at what she does, but it is funny to watch a grizzled old vet blow the wind out of her sails so off-hand like that.<br />
<br />
Deadpool pals around with Cable while Cable attempts to strongarm the team, but Rogue isn't having it. She may not break the fourth wall like Deadpool or She-Hulk can, but she has a long history of leaning on it, being very genre savvy. She knows how superheroing works. She knows what's what. So, seeing Deadpool and Cable in a room together, she's not going to stand for this serviceable if dysfunctional team book to turn into an anti-hero shit show on her watch.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMTeN4zG99HXcBe8h5-E76-zmwbEZ_ljuIC_CYXzUNRJn5IIcyMbFajXCmLgDATahSscMUxnPuBh3IoyjW_LeY_-ol4Bpck1phGZAzH_2FYDxtZYQVZm4k_8voczT8okoyVbICVNJhJk/s1600/rogues+hell+no.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfMTeN4zG99HXcBe8h5-E76-zmwbEZ_ljuIC_CYXzUNRJn5IIcyMbFajXCmLgDATahSscMUxnPuBh3IoyjW_LeY_-ol4Bpck1phGZAzH_2FYDxtZYQVZm4k_8voczT8okoyVbICVNJhJk/s320/rogues+hell+no.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rogue doesn't wink at the fourth wall. She rolls her eyes at it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's honestly odd how immediately adversarial Rogue and Cable are in this this scene, considering the last time the two ended up on a lineup together, Rogue handpicked Cable and he was pretty much her Number Two. Then again, Rogue has been frustrated with a team consistently fails to follow her leadership since the start of this volume, so Cable showing up and attempting to commandeer command is probably the straw breaking the camel's back. Still, considering the shared background of career X-characters, her accusing Cable of being reason for the mission's failure <i>and</i> throwing in that he's a suspected terrorist feels like one twist of the knife too many. Yes, I know. Rogue is one of my earliest comic book loves and perhaps I'm a little over-protective, but this honestly doesn't sound true to her voice.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEic9Ow7VXuV2xxCUbdNQezz1iD0-Dm3IFujNQkWikiCIsbXV-hedXbg7dPEL10wgrYruE0ExXSABJHm1NehwqhIuRXlyRk6LDqiIfCTh-6isJPDCVneUYOQRUgiecpPDXr-A7vrlkTkI/s1600/3.07.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEic9Ow7VXuV2xxCUbdNQezz1iD0-Dm3IFujNQkWikiCIsbXV-hedXbg7dPEL10wgrYruE0ExXSABJHm1NehwqhIuRXlyRk6LDqiIfCTh-6isJPDCVneUYOQRUgiecpPDXr-A7vrlkTkI/s320/3.07.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Being awful is my shtick, you two! Now play nice!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Quicksilver steps in and taking his cue from Rogue also leans on the fourth wall a bit by commenting on how low things have gotten that he's the one that has to be the peacemaker. This isn't quite my ideal Quicksilver (weaponized snark/smarm/delight for the forces of [mostly] good), but I do appreciate that he references the fact that he's supposed to be the jerky one when attempting to de-escalate a confrontation.<br />
<br />
Despite resolving to work together, there is still a bit of a dick waving undertone to Rogue and Cable's argument for another half a page before Deadpool runs out of patience and takes off his mask, exposing his gruesome visage for a mic drop. I like the idea, at least in the instance, that he kind of treats his mask as a clown face, something he can hide behind as he cracks wise, but when he wants to be taken seriously unequivocally, he removes the facade. Although, I think that could get tired real fast if he does that every time.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKs0ol0YzFLhdTpnJ03oL51H4MyV2sZ7opPCS9XqvPgfuZNARN_2I2mp81XYLVFIdgybIK-SV0ZjaI7H8IsGGZohO7jwr19SdoeTmI8S12_QDPWtsrbU_ElScs1jnXlAdt5UdLDdh_HdA/s1600/3.08.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKs0ol0YzFLhdTpnJ03oL51H4MyV2sZ7opPCS9XqvPgfuZNARN_2I2mp81XYLVFIdgybIK-SV0ZjaI7H8IsGGZohO7jwr19SdoeTmI8S12_QDPWtsrbU_ElScs1jnXlAdt5UdLDdh_HdA/s320/3.08.PNG" width="293" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Get this plot moving again or I'll make you look at this all day!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Cable points out that the cellular structure of the animals he's been periodically shooting are closer to plants than animals. Cable's AI, Belle, chimes in that future intel cites them as what causes the contagion to spread. Deadpool is stricken by her and asks if Cable brought everyone Tamagotchis. Now, in case you don't recall from last time, Belle appears as an animated bombshell pin-up girl tattoo (or maybe fridge magnet, since she's on his metallic arm). A tamagotchi is a virtual pet with rudimentary animation built into a key chain fob. This causes me to question whether Deadpool has ever seen a Tamagotchi. Or even a Giga Pet.<br />
<br />
Cable hands off an enzyme inhibitor (read: antidote) to Quicksilver, who rushes it off to MIT where the Human Torch has his newly recruited think tank working on the current crisis. Yeah, I almost forgot he was on this team, too. I get that he did have a good idea to enlist their aid, since this lineup is devoid of your typical Marvel big brains, but why is he still slumming with the grad students? His firepower would be pretty damn useful against plant life and there is someone else on the team who can shuttle from the battleground to the staging area in seconds. I'm convinced that in the wake of <i>Secret Wars, </i>with the Fantastic Four team effectively dissolved, Ben and Johnny were foisted onto other titles by editorial edict, and Duggan and Stegman just don't know what to do with him. His arc in this story was the realization that when in doubt, there's always another egghead. And that was treated like a glorious epiphany.<br />
<br />
Quicksilver has barely sped off when the team is confronted by their foe The Shredded Man. Cable blasts a hole straight through his midsection, but he's apparently more plant than man at this point, so no harm, no foul. Rogue rushes upon him for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs, but is swatted away without any strain. He doesn't even stutter in his evil monologue. Brother Voodoo, whose magic might be effective in this scenario is more focused on Shredded Man's security-guard-turned-plant-zombie-henchman to be much use in the fight.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBzk71-5KE-HUSv8g_eVfNnAbb4stwsownb9l1cPjLpFqF-wvWFLofiB1XfhnksLQFxud9tQlBLwqyFszZymMHwzKnWHszc7ZNIIpS9y_KsO2RUcNXJXOjoBlJZjbSAE0PHnmMSfAtuLk/s1600/3.09.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBzk71-5KE-HUSv8g_eVfNnAbb4stwsownb9l1cPjLpFqF-wvWFLofiB1XfhnksLQFxud9tQlBLwqyFszZymMHwzKnWHszc7ZNIIpS9y_KsO2RUcNXJXOjoBlJZjbSAE0PHnmMSfAtuLk/s400/3.09.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brother Voodoo: "Supernatural Zombies? No prob. <br />
Plant zombies? OMG WTF We're all gonna die!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimr8-PWfZd9KL74J49qaHZoPCYuYIuXNU9pGKykCm6jlqkmhvGmvrS9SVtD8Y76NlZA88eoZIE48eBxeKW5TlS7wvjvoAiLwYQabP9iJCe8H3_ukVK9Ev4K4OqBkh4yvIJ6UIs8zOb3I4/s1600/3.10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimr8-PWfZd9KL74J49qaHZoPCYuYIuXNU9pGKykCm6jlqkmhvGmvrS9SVtD8Y76NlZA88eoZIE48eBxeKW5TlS7wvjvoAiLwYQabP9iJCe8H3_ukVK9Ev4K4OqBkh4yvIJ6UIs8zOb3I4/s320/3.10.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Correction: Cable is inches away from being your offensive <i>racist</i> grandpa.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Weary of smacking them down and delivering villain speeches, Shredded Man releases a green cloud of incredibly potent neurotoxins and psychoactive spores into the air and walks away, regretting that they didn't put up more of a fight. Deadpool, Brother Voodoo, and Rogue are K.O.'ed. Cable put on a rebreather before he could be effective and Synapse is immune. How convenient for her. Belle reports that Rogue is in critical condition (most likely, the M-Pox has a side effect of weakening her immune system) and ought to be the focus, provided Cable chooses not to pursue Shredded Man. Well, Cable is a gruff and a bit of a hard ass, but he isn't a total jerk, so he sends Synapse (while making a withering jab about her Inhuman heritage) after Shreddy while he administers doses of the formula he cooked up to the effected team members.<br />
<br />
As Synapse chases after the Shredded Man, for the first time since her debut, we get a look inside her head. It's a scant glimpse, but for the past few issues, she's been, if not a mystery, than certainly an unknown quantity. She certainly doesn't like that Cable has showed up and instantly started ordering her about, but more to the point, she recognizes the fact that a time traveler stepping in means that she failed and she really doesn't like that. Something tells me in her civilian life, she is some sort of student prodigy, or at the very least a perfectionist.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLhCGrWDMeRkGqnLWi4ScThnAl9AVdYBGBGITah2tsUt3EZjdsJ5ichgqarrp5FD3q4S_fQv-yj8GkNfkqJ7_gOayLT2oGIkj8oXzQ8ktvuhlHLibAtTVLq2iSvkYWW7FdyA3g6tfKq48/s1600/3.11b.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLhCGrWDMeRkGqnLWi4ScThnAl9AVdYBGBGITah2tsUt3EZjdsJ5ichgqarrp5FD3q4S_fQv-yj8GkNfkqJ7_gOayLT2oGIkj8oXzQ8ktvuhlHLibAtTVLq2iSvkYWW7FdyA3g6tfKq48/s320/3.11b.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Synapse doesn't want to be here. Neither do the readers, full disclosure.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I think more telling than anything else though is the fact that she thinks, "he represents everything I've feared ever since Captain Rogers dragged me onto the team." That one sentence, even without going into further detail is just very packed with insight into her character. She's not confident about her place on the team and has had underlying worries about what could happen as a superhero. There's a strong implication that she was recruited either reluctantly or maybe even drafted against her will. She can see the bigger picture or at least recognizes symbolism. For a character whose powerset centers around the mind, the fact that she as a person can't tamp down the irrational side of her own mind that can recognize ill omens, and portents speaks very much to who she is: someone who is in <i>way </i>over her head.<br />
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I do like that we have this moment, considering we desperately need to make her feel like less of a cipher and more of a fully realized character in this lineup. However, this is the first and only time in the issue (though quite possibly significantly the second time in the arc) that we get to see some of our characters' internality.<br />
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Her thoughts are cut short when she meets up with her quarry, who seems to have been awaiting her. She engages in fisticuffs (the team newbie apparently thinks she has a better shot than Rogue, the team's seasoned brawler) while Shredded man effortlessly deflects he moves as he yammers on about how humanity's time is at an end, mutants are collateral damage, and how he is merely doing the will of the mists. This makes me wonder whether he genuinely has some innate understanding of the Terrigen Mist's purpose that nobody else does or following his Terrigenesis, is he in quasi-religious zealot territory?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5rLtGjaeSTZdUWCvEKfKu5nljer6iWh_L57dJk7LqVqQlOR7tEc7Ww7IB_-L-Bd5l8sE0AjdvHueCNy0qh0xP2OnOV0lsg9LNxstLOp78nm5mbdvWZrkIESFNl2Yk5mqnm57dhaWpsjQ/s1600/3.12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5rLtGjaeSTZdUWCvEKfKu5nljer6iWh_L57dJk7LqVqQlOR7tEc7Ww7IB_-L-Bd5l8sE0AjdvHueCNy0qh0xP2OnOV0lsg9LNxstLOp78nm5mbdvWZrkIESFNl2Yk5mqnm57dhaWpsjQ/s640/3.12.PNG" width="418" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stegman's art goes from grade school to master class as soon as he doesn't have<br />
to bother with realism. Why isn't he working on a monster/zombie title?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Towards the end of this fight, she pulls off the gas mask he wears. Note that I said he only deflects Synapse's moves, he doesn't actively strike her. It turns out that was meaningful. Following removing his mask, she falls to the ground, staring up at him, shocked, disbelieving what she sees. We turn to a final reveal splash page to reveal (dun-dun-duuuuuun!) her grandfather. Oh. Kay. I bet that would be a better reveal if we knew enough about Synapse for this to feel significant. We only just started getting insight into her personality. We as readers need some sort of understanding into her background in order for this to feel significant. In the past three issues, even just a couple throw away lines here or there about a troubled or broken home since the Terrigen bomb would have set this up beautifully. Fitting in one mention in her date with Pietro and again when she heals the baby, both scenes where the subject of family is either directly mentioned or inferred would have been a great opportunity to set up a good three-beat that would have been paid off here. Instead, we have a reveal that goes out of its way to tell us it's significant without feeling significant.<br />
<br />
The most the title has come to establishing this connection is the fact that they are the only two characters thus far who have been given inner monologue narration boxes. Admittedly, I grasping at straws because I want to believe the writer made <i>some</i> effort at being clever with his construction when it's honestly more likely a happy accident. This book can barely maintain its own straightforward narrative from issue to issue (and last time, it gave up halfway through), so I doubt it has the sense of subtle nuance required to form character parallels with its dramatic structure.<br />
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I will give this issue credit where it's due, though. As much as I've harped on Stegman's ability to render people (which he kind of fails to do, but he has a future in rendering dolls, action figures, mannequins, and androids), he makes up for it when tasked with rendering body horror (intentionally). That final page with a full beauty shot (meaning it's a close up, not that it's beautiful... although everything is someone's kink) of the Shredded Man is pretty freaking awesome. He's so, for lack of a better term inhuman in his appearance. His skin gone, his skull replaced by something the dried out bark of a dead tree. It's really difficult to make a botanical man look grotesque and not silly, but this one image sells it, even if it looks like it was made for a different, higher quality book. Yet you can still see just enough of the traces of the more human looking man we first met in the prologue of this arc to justify Synapse managing to recognize him.<br />
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For the past couple issues, I think I've been on the fence about this title. It's neither brilliant writing, nor is it utter dreck. And mostly I maintain that stance. However, I feel like the gap between good and the bad is widening, leaving a lot of meh betwixt the two extremes. On the one hand, the structure of this arc feels muddled. The pacing is off, almost as if the writer stopped the narrative dead in its tracks last issue to give Cable an excessively long introduction only to give him another such lengthy introduction this issue. Oh, wait. He did. Bad writer. No cookie for you. But on the other hand, the art of that final pages blows everything leading up to it clean out of the water. If only every page had that level of quality. That's ultimately the problem with the series is that the individual issues feel uneven without really achieving either a high or a low. They have their moments, but I kind of feel like I'm reading a title that's marking time instead of progressing in one direction of the other. <br />
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and bad in the title is growing more pronounced. The structure of this story feels off. I think it's fair to say stopping half-way through the previous issue's main story in order to provide Cable with an indulgently long introduction only to give him a second introduction in this issue really disrupts the story's pacing. The middle issues of an arc are never the easiest sell, but Duggan and Stegmankaticushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-7086663053482358442016-06-22T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-22T12:00:23.733-07:00The Rita Repulsa Playbook<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifeUdphV4LaspI7HJuqq-8fqmcrn7jiF7XYzHLfXmTNNT1sP4tvC1DTcSfVLBcHWlh3q8t5yImG1wwgDxJMdTNZrrQQXkT-GcHS93CREKB_pRn35oAoc1_nsOjbxN6ANRNNFaLiAh7mJE/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifeUdphV4LaspI7HJuqq-8fqmcrn7jiF7XYzHLfXmTNNT1sP4tvC1DTcSfVLBcHWlh3q8t5yImG1wwgDxJMdTNZrrQQXkT-GcHS93CREKB_pRn35oAoc1_nsOjbxN6ANRNNFaLiAh7mJE/s400/00.JPG" width="255" /></a></div>
I think it's fair to say I wasn't exactly keen on the previous issue of DC's <i>Crisis On Infinite Earths. </i>It followed two very strong issues with an installment that was one half punchy kicky montage and another half being a collection of disparate plot threads. The overall whole was more successful as this event's greatest sin, cameo porn, than it was at telling a cohesive, focused chapter in a narrative. I wouldn't say it's the worst installment of the series thus far, but it was definitely a disappointment. However, it did something that <i>Crisis </i>has only done before: an honest to god(s) good, surprising cliffhanger ending. It's quite a change of pace from Wolfman & Perez's customary page-full of purple narration as characters stare solemnly at stuff. Join me as I see how well that cliffhanger pays off in <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i> #10.<br />
<br />
I had to look at this cover twice. On first blush, it isn't all that impressive; two foes facing each other down in profile. It didn't seem like anything to write home about. Upon closer inspection however, I realized that all those figures that I thought were flying in the distant background are actually not. The Anti-Monitor and the Spectre are <i>enormous</i>. It creates the impression that the heroes and the villains of the DCU are fleas caught between a showdown of two titans. It helps turn a fairly standard "versus" cover with less than exciting body language and makes it feel more epic. Although, it looks like the DC heroes and villains were drawn in as an afterthought. They appear very much to be squeezed haphazardly. They mostly just appear to be floating around and the perspective even makes it appear like a couple of them are being stepped on.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLzD1WPmWgN3DJVCxkAF04RZtMQ28h-mOQVXgiqHoninb6MGiYeKIF5OQxI2M2gOov5huNOwT6MyymTs5J63QIFSEqSDX31spYpMIBM7sCm3wav8O4ZkibjR8ziTNK0fooISplchiIbsU/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="98" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLzD1WPmWgN3DJVCxkAF04RZtMQ28h-mOQVXgiqHoninb6MGiYeKIF5OQxI2M2gOov5huNOwT6MyymTs5J63QIFSEqSDX31spYpMIBM7sCm3wav8O4ZkibjR8ziTNK0fooISplchiIbsU/s320/01.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't this just a riveting start to a side-story?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Before I go into the issue proper, I ought to discuss "The Monitor Tapes." It's basically the length of maybe a 4-5 page backup story, but Wolfman and Perez opt to put one panel of the story on the bottom of each and every page of the comic. It's less of a story and more of a collection of anecdotes about how the <i>Crisis </i>has impacted characters that the creative team simply ran out of logical ways to incorporate into this sprawling narrative. Honestly, it would be interesting if it wasn't chopped up and wedged into the bottom of each page. As a result, it both breaks of the momentum of the story and the individual panels of "The Monitor Tapes" feel really disconnected in their own right, as well. I've seen this sort of thing done in other comics, and I've actually been okay with it. This isn't working for me because 1. these snippets don't end up tying into the present action of the issue (with one exception. kinda), and 2. it's a pretty transparent effort to jam puzzle pieces into places they don't fit because this series is contractually obligated to give everyone at least 1 cameo. I may recap it towards the end, but if something plot relevant is mentioned in them, I'll bring it up as we go.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTDNlPewOeYcw18lFpaqEg7HcPHt1rbgLFkhRohRnDNRnATkMybdnrzaU-t7rRGa2hRXz7XR5eUx5mRg3ADUs9HSU1tqBsXlriLoRw5IBqWDJVDNCQrHJ9AVhddFqC_BCGEGhafWxL1zc/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTDNlPewOeYcw18lFpaqEg7HcPHt1rbgLFkhRohRnDNRnATkMybdnrzaU-t7rRGa2hRXz7XR5eUx5mRg3ADUs9HSU1tqBsXlriLoRw5IBqWDJVDNCQrHJ9AVhddFqC_BCGEGhafWxL1zc/s320/02.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Well, he got his gloating in while he could...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We start right where we left off last issue. Brainiac has just exploded, and Psimon is there gloating at having beaten Lex and Brainiac in his own game. Unfortunately, Psimon likes the sound of his own voice that he gloats for a little too long. From behind, a bolt of energy shoots Psimon in the cranium, shattering his glass-encase skull. His assailant was none other than... Brainiac?! But how...?! It turns out that Brainiac's ship is effectively Brainiac and it just made another body from spare parts. Wow. As a dramatist, that really takes away from the impact of last issue's cliffhanger. It's the equivalent of when your friend thinks he's dying, but it's just heartburn.<br />
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Meanwhile, the pink cloud that presumably is bad and reaching back through time has reached Anthro the First Boy. That same cloud seems to be on the now-toxic wasteland that is Earth-4, looking more like the face of planet Venus. Either that or it's a toxic radiation being emitted by Chemo as he looks out on the ocean he has poisoned. A black silhouetted figure is none too pleased with him and flies around him, wrapping him in the energy she flies with. We learn this figure trapping Chemo is Negative Woman of the Doom Patrol. Then Chemo explodes. I think? Down in the fathoms below, Aqualad is rushing the dying Aquagirl to... I don't know where. This isn't his native Earth, and apparently all of Earth-4's heroes (not even sure if Earth-4 had any aquatic heroes) migrated over to Earth-1 and Earth-2, so I don't know what help he expects to find. Over on on the mainland, in Earth-4 NYC analog, Kole of the Teen Titans turns Black Adam into crystal in order to save Dove (as in Hawk and Dove) and <strike>Not-Iron-Man</strike> Robotman.<br />
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Down in Lyla's notes, she introduces a retcon that in addition to the sole survivors of their respective realities, Pariah, Lady Quark, and Alexander Luthor, there is still one other: The Superboy of Earth-Prime. In the DC Multiverse, Earth-Prime is supposed to be the <i>real</i> world. As in here, where we live, where superheroes only appear in the funny books, where I sit here typing a blog post. So ignoring the fact that apparently, in the real world, Kryptonians exists, I gotta say the biggest concern I have about this revelation is that we're all fucked to hell and yet this kid (who will later become a nightmare on the blog) gets to live?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sneaky way to slip him in under the radar. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjfJCQjjoAOo3Kl2nK87JWiaO7OjKhT2sMi5Tu7N8Lmbh3wBq5aN1mbvp2vnIqx0mjDeVwQOsAzf6B-Cdxe7rUo55tTi4uo7LyAnDbImBqt_YdLwAL5BqySPm8YatRQFg_LfiFk4ELac0/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjfJCQjjoAOo3Kl2nK87JWiaO7OjKhT2sMi5Tu7N8Lmbh3wBq5aN1mbvp2vnIqx0mjDeVwQOsAzf6B-Cdxe7rUo55tTi4uo7LyAnDbImBqt_YdLwAL5BqySPm8YatRQFg_LfiFk4ELac0/s320/04.JPG" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dove: Great human being. <br />Stupid superhero.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With Black Adam stuck in crystal form, Robotman plans to smash him to bits, but Dove clearly embodies the "Good is Dumb" trope, but stopping him. My impression of Hawk and Dove is that they are two morally extreme personalities that would have gotten themselves killed if they didn't have each other to help form a functional brain between the two of them.<br />
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Over on Earth-S, where this world's super-villain contingent, including all the ice-themed villains, have combined forces to freeze over the entire planet and has the entire Marvel family bound and gagged in their civilian guises. I have to admit that in an era where most heroes were still doing the whole dual identity thing even among their fellow heroes, the fact that Captain Marvel's foes knew who each member of the Marvel clan was is impressive. Or woefully stupid, depending on whose perspective you're taking.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz8gChY89hfyLZZADReoEa1yK6MAdvwB01Nok1YHwaeOxX3AhshXKqUIu5iytES8wBBcWIyOSdSPVLxQb5cWada4h59lWyMyxNlzC5zPfL-mw6fh1Pbo8zWdvvpQ6iSagYX1zZVvYs2C8/s1600/05.1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz8gChY89hfyLZZADReoEa1yK6MAdvwB01Nok1YHwaeOxX3AhshXKqUIu5iytES8wBBcWIyOSdSPVLxQb5cWada4h59lWyMyxNlzC5zPfL-mw6fh1Pbo8zWdvvpQ6iSagYX1zZVvYs2C8/s320/05.1.JPG" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know nothing about Platinum, but she seems like<br />she could cut a bitch. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Phobia, who is one of many villians in this issue who feels inclined to work her name into conversation, keeps the Batson family further controlled by inflicting their greatest fears on them. Fortunately, Martian Manhunter density shifts into their ice fortress, declaring that he's tired of humans and their evil and their lust for power. Almost sounds like he's a little racist against humans. Sigh... Platinum of the Metal Men soon joins the fray and she looks eager to bust some heads. The Atom has been instructed to free Billy Batson, not understanding why. "Shazam!" Where did Billy Batson go? Captain Marvel? How long have you been here.<br />
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Over on Earth-X, aka Plant Apocalypse Land, Batman is leading his contingent and wiping the floor against the Penguin, Captain Cold, and assorted B-Listers with relative ease. Lex and Brainiac are less than pleased.<br />
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Finally, the fighting ends when The Spectre appears in the heavens across all five Earths, insisting that they stop because their true foe the Anti-Monitor still lives and it is only through their combined forces, as the Monitor had implemented them that they can hope to stop him. I don't know much about the Spectre. I know he's other worldly and is a bit of a spirit of retribution and something of a combat-capable Uatu the Watcher. A Battle Watcher, if you may. Truth be told, he appeared on the very final page of issue #8, but it felt so tacked on and took away from the emotional weight of Barry's death, so I didn't mention it. Was that passive aggressive of me? Maybe. Would it have resulted in better storytelling? Ye gods, yes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghf0jLhjM1LonZoGKvxMob3dOW73SJyTklWF5EB6Kf4Hjr2XARbHbiYcjjoo5MGSF8wZrUsRjADmOcvt8pubmAs0AOubA9QPQTsbq3_BZj-Qon8MMmDSKHzsb5wG4AY7QqXlWPHSrQr1s/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghf0jLhjM1LonZoGKvxMob3dOW73SJyTklWF5EB6Kf4Hjr2XARbHbiYcjjoo5MGSF8wZrUsRjADmOcvt8pubmAs0AOubA9QPQTsbq3_BZj-Qon8MMmDSKHzsb5wG4AY7QqXlWPHSrQr1s/s320/05.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"This is why we can't have nice things!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Since our heroes and villains clearly would have no way of figuring out the Anti-Monitor's latest scheme, it's up to the Spectre to spell it out. Those pink skies we've been seeing appearing progressively further back in time since last issue? Yeah, that's the Anti-Monitor making his way back to before the very dawn of time, before the great Oan oopsy-daisy caused the multiverse. From there, he'll change history, so that there will have never been anything but the Evil Anti-Matter Universe.<br />
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This portentous warning seems to be what it takes to stop the superhero/supervillain pissing contest. It's like when you're a kid in the car on a long trip to Disney World, fighting with your sibling(s) in the back seat and your dad threatens to "shut the fuck up and behave yourselves or I'll turn this company-wide crossover event around and go home."<br />
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It does seem to be what it takes to get everyone on board. We see Brainiac and Luthor caucusing, agreeing to cooperate for the time being. I find it dubious that they have full command over the United Villain's Front in matters that aren't villainy, but three panels with them is more time efficient than two pages of cameos from 30 villains.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdh-B1eFJr5s4xHYqEz-092X4MNP6VHOAMPonVhXbdXp2nxz-CSMCdD365Is8-lyY72gBD_vrKzUFf1x0TkP-vG1hHPbF0BL23FHFpruvaXpxqHkVMcjodXj928HHFwYAGJu7u4MN2BzY/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdh-B1eFJr5s4xHYqEz-092X4MNP6VHOAMPonVhXbdXp2nxz-CSMCdD365Is8-lyY72gBD_vrKzUFf1x0TkP-vG1hHPbF0BL23FHFpruvaXpxqHkVMcjodXj928HHFwYAGJu7u4MN2BzY/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A well-deserved touching moment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We move to Death Valley of Earth-1, where a two-front counter-offensive against the Anti-Monitor is being staged. Before we engage with that, however, we have a moment with Earth-2's Superman and Lois Lane-Kent. It's a tender, loving moment between the two of them. Considering we now know that Kryptonians are vulnerable to Anti-Matter, or at least in the Evil Anti-Matter Universe, every time he joins the fray, it must feel like he's going on a suicide mission. However, considering Earth-2 Superman is supposed to be the Superman readers first met way back in the day in <i>Action Comics</i> #1, and the version that has been allowed to (sort of) realistically age to the point where they appear as old and familiar as the DCU readers know, there is something special about this moment. As Superman assuages Lois of her fears, Lois says possibly the most defining thing that can be said about them as a set of characters. "You're the world's most relentless boy scout. And I know my problem, too. I wouldn't have it any other way."<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUldUeJ2SRFa1FzUw_BNc-v-K84meV6r6rs1tb8XaSOUYnzjB2fLjwU_R9QN9RyYhdN46HA5CwdekEnLT79Ty5u_E_TpbfiuBAsr03Y5Te7Jkn9brqGimKLmHMt5DWh47_lhpV2w6bZlI/s1600/07a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUldUeJ2SRFa1FzUw_BNc-v-K84meV6r6rs1tb8XaSOUYnzjB2fLjwU_R9QN9RyYhdN46HA5CwdekEnLT79Ty5u_E_TpbfiuBAsr03Y5Te7Jkn9brqGimKLmHMt5DWh47_lhpV2w6bZlI/s320/07a.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A mildly creeper moment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Unnoticed, Alexander Luthor, now back in his gold suit, watches this exchange at a distance.<br />
<br />
With everything in readiness, we have our obligatory page of cameo porn. My favorite of course being Fearsome Five siblings, Shimmer and Mammoth commenting on how they don't like the new Dr. Light, whom we've established on multiple occasions as the best character in DC. I know it's probably because they don't like that she's appropriated the costumed identity of their ex teammate... whom they really didn't like either. I wish this had gone on just another panel longer so that Kimiyo could turn around, give them the stink eye, then turn back to whatever she was doing. However, as it stands, I do appreciate that she's depicted as close enough to hear them and clearly not giving a fuck.<br />
<br />
Jay Garrick and Wally West are being fitted with big metal belts that act as power converters. I'm starting to notice a trend of DC's speedsters basically being as utilities. It makes me think that DC's speedsters could easily solve the energy crisis by running on treadmills for an hour in order to charge up electrical grids a few times a week.<br />
<br />
They're all ready to get on with the show when we have a last minute addition to our bloated cast of characters in the form of Superboy Prime. Remember that character I mentioned was randomly included in Lyla's notes less than half an issue ago? Well, now he's here. Little did readers know that this would lead to <i>Infinite Crisis</i>...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOsFWyARFVJuQGE0gQeDOZHgj47Hn_bFUqecwMwwhiaOvWOiS3f8TfPlgx3qC-SemK8153OxBZYH_UFuiZzfdLPzlUYhXGHYmcfKHu8bVIIHJ6SAT4J0RTC_R6G5gUjKdlevOuQeIT4g/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOsFWyARFVJuQGE0gQeDOZHgj47Hn_bFUqecwMwwhiaOvWOiS3f8TfPlgx3qC-SemK8153OxBZYH_UFuiZzfdLPzlUYhXGHYmcfKHu8bVIIHJ6SAT4J0RTC_R6G5gUjKdlevOuQeIT4g/s320/09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Superboy-Prime has arrived. So much for cleaning up continuity</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We have a panel where Captain Marvel observes Lady Quark and knows she's focused on her anger about her world's destruction and how she blames Pariah. Because that's where her interiority begins and ends, albeit understandably. I'd much have preferred her thoughts in this instance than Captain Marvel's, but it's interesting to note that she is so hyper-focused on Pariah's indirectly dooming her world that all her new peers can read her like a book.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9s3hDD65zirZtz96IMDt4_Oi5_SahUdd0_XuI8jc55wERodgoojBCAiwkAwqlFQmfDOGAlGTrqh4umLYthlByHC_6CUdmCK2xFqTgq1lkZ2ukKuTS1dNFeC25zCPCLc1DjVOWHoDzuQM/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9s3hDD65zirZtz96IMDt4_Oi5_SahUdd0_XuI8jc55wERodgoojBCAiwkAwqlFQmfDOGAlGTrqh4umLYthlByHC_6CUdmCK2xFqTgq1lkZ2ukKuTS1dNFeC25zCPCLc1DjVOWHoDzuQM/s320/10.JPG" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Good lord. She's at it again."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Uncle Sam is given the task of giving a St. Crispin's Day speech. Because America(?).<br />
<br />
And so the plan is underway. The plan that the Spectre set in motion when he told the entire populace of five different Earth's to get their shit together and put on their big boy pants is that one team needs to travel back to the dawn of time to confront the Anti-Monitor. A second team must travel back in time to prevent the Oans from causing the problem in the first place. It occurs to me that if they had focused on stopping the Oans from causing the multiverse, the Anti-Monitor would never have existed and thus never need to be confronted at the dawn of time, but trying to suss out causal logic in a time travel narrative is like forgetting your safety word. It only results in more pain than you really want.<br />
<br />
We have two time machines set up. Apparently, these have been out of commission, so they are Macguyvering it. Copper of the Metal men is acting as a conductor while all the assembled electric and magnetic powered characters charge him up. I'm guessing either the Speed Force is an essential ingredient in DC time travel or DC time machines need kinetic energy because Jay and Wally just start running circles around the site.<br />
<br />
Superman-1 for some reason can time travel without the aid of a time machine (maybe that's what Jay and Wally are there for) and is taking Alexander Luthor along for the the ride. The two need to get there before everyone else so that Li'l Luthor can open up the way to the Evil Anti-Matter Universe... despite the fact that he hasn't been in possession of his anti-matter powers since his last "Cosmic Moses opening the Red Sea" moment. At this point in the event, the writers are praying your brain is on auto-pilot.<br />
<br />
As the two contingents disappear into the timestream, Brainiac is alone in his spaceship, ruminating upon the numerical odds of his survival. It's kind of chilling to realize that the success of the mission has 0.000362% chances of success, he has a 0,00436% chance of survival, but his consciousness has a 0.043% change of survival electronically. I know it's splitting some incredibly thin hairs, but the fact that the entirety of existence might be snuffed out, a very singlemindedly malevolent presence might survive us all.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVHb-wYqAkJ3bmb2GpuVf1sR3VtDvmC9fF4tqukIvDYghkBbk12RWwH1Gjh7FCMbGsJE0M2uv7s-cJ8ub3ACZkII7b6mPYm5n__Kg7lJnoKx1khC2FP64jn3B8sBY7Oj6F5lIg2bUPVLw/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVHb-wYqAkJ3bmb2GpuVf1sR3VtDvmC9fF4tqukIvDYghkBbk12RWwH1Gjh7FCMbGsJE0M2uv7s-cJ8ub3ACZkII7b6mPYm5n__Kg7lJnoKx1khC2FP64jn3B8sBY7Oj6F5lIg2bUPVLw/s320/11.JPG" width="260" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That middle panel, tho...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Far down below the depths of the oceans, Aqualad beseeches Queen Mera and Lori the mermaid, praying for an update on Tula's status, even though he already knows she's dead. He's grasping at straws, desperate for some way of saving her. It's a textbook example of the bargaining stage of grief. Chagrined, Lori tells him what he's asking is impossible. Despite all the many variously gifted heroes that populate their world, matters of life and death are insuperable. It is a genuinely hard to read moment from characters for whom I honestly have no frame of reference. Well done, Wolfman and Perez.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuW5EioNwIvjr7qkOixgy8_lJHEa_te3sx2QLociAz_kcWh2DttG51PwS30blNwdTSKZBWgF_O1EW96PD_Q7010E0fbKgDDSya8fam9KRDd3iqB8RkU7YhR2uZ9_93QcJvnv7Mh09_Ors/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuW5EioNwIvjr7qkOixgy8_lJHEa_te3sx2QLociAz_kcWh2DttG51PwS30blNwdTSKZBWgF_O1EW96PD_Q7010E0fbKgDDSya8fam9KRDd3iqB8RkU7YhR2uZ9_93QcJvnv7Mh09_Ors/s320/12.JPG" width="204" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Magic Wand! Make my monster<br />GROW!!!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile in the cosmic void that is the dawn of time, Team Anti-Anti-Monitor confront a skyscraper-sized Anti-Monitor. He has Pariah encased in a field of energy, which he presumably has been trapped in since he vanished from the UN Building last issue. Pariah attempts to ward away his allies. It turns out that Anti-Monitor had long been expecting them and this was all a part of his plan. I'm honestly wondering where this is going because for a while now, it seems like he's been throwing handfuls of spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. Really, the more I see of him, the more I think he's just a lousy antagonist. I don't think I'd notice it so much if he were a recurring villain who comes back every third story arc, but he is <i>the </i>villain. In the previous nine issues, either his plans have been circumvented or he has been physically rebuffed no fewer than five times. It takes the impact out of your villain if he does nothing but make braggart declarations about how mightily evil and powerful he is and how each thing he does was <i>really</i> his master plan all along, only see him thwarted every other issue. That's bordering on Rita and Zed territory.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4F23u7yFiD-iAPlSmlsBaq2-qOwEy99fg1fqNly5sSsU2pkXlZXCOekMcfmbd_nxjmBO6IWFPYWw5IqFL6eYuq5ZNO0jdrxjzBbjKeAfgB1-DFyEwB0yRXWKOA9PgHf8cN5MGU2smT0g/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4F23u7yFiD-iAPlSmlsBaq2-qOwEy99fg1fqNly5sSsU2pkXlZXCOekMcfmbd_nxjmBO6IWFPYWw5IqFL6eYuq5ZNO0jdrxjzBbjKeAfgB1-DFyEwB0yRXWKOA9PgHf8cN5MGU2smT0g/s320/13.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See, Lady Quark? It was all a big misunderstanding.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In accordance with the official supervillain handbook, Anti-Monitor monologues, detailing how Pariah's actions didn't trigger his reign of terror, just opened an opportunity that he pounced upon after lying in wait. Both Pariah and Lady Quark get a sense of closure from knowing that this hasn't all been Pariah's fault.<br />
<br />
As Anti-Monitor declares (yet again) that he will destroy them all, Earth-1 Superman gives the command for them to attack, The energy projectors start blasting him while all the super-strong characters start smacking his hard candy shell. Over on the sidelines, all the badass normals and non combat-powered characters are being a bunch of looky-loos. Robin asks what they can do to help and Batman says "We can give them hope." Oh. Hope. Thanks, Bats. I would have at least tried the Care Bear Cousins Call, but let's go with hope.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxDMLQq6YFq0NP1fKgxtE6EnQMJq_RyjvO4v7gw7LqmRyintv0aGAAGzRgROZNIxnNdB9XC2x4ljeQ6Xbm3KBlAPdBOBSY-PZx57EslpxbIsRa3GO16JzPghY4Ht40V3Yy6ZlLNVO2oM/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmxDMLQq6YFq0NP1fKgxtE6EnQMJq_RyjvO4v7gw7LqmRyintv0aGAAGzRgROZNIxnNdB9XC2x4ljeQ6Xbm3KBlAPdBOBSY-PZx57EslpxbIsRa3GO16JzPghY4Ht40V3Yy6ZlLNVO2oM/s320/14.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Batman has read <i>The Secret</i> and knows the value of positive thinking.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, all of the villains have been deployed to Oa, where they attempt to stop the scientist Krona's experiment before he breaks the universe and thus creates the multiverse. Oan lives are expendable, so clearly despite cooperating, they're not exactly playing nice. Ancient Oans, however, are telepaths and Team Stop The Oans are quickly outclassed by a psychic whammy. The few that make it through the psi-assault burst through the wall of Krona's lab like the Kool-Aid Man. It's all for naught, though as a well-placed explosion lays them low.<br />
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBQW_OBNar_wsVtSPDY9Nk7iZrpqSUfriseqArcelxsS3w8AsEK7Ni-PgfEq_p8no_2vg7RUw5cuhfqeGJ8GAG1arcNVYIkOBiTsR4tMj56Eo5AfI3LKT4UBQ_1r5LjrDOuhvOmFyw8tE/s1600/15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBQW_OBNar_wsVtSPDY9Nk7iZrpqSUfriseqArcelxsS3w8AsEK7Ni-PgfEq_p8no_2vg7RUw5cuhfqeGJ8GAG1arcNVYIkOBiTsR4tMj56Eo5AfI3LKT4UBQ_1r5LjrDOuhvOmFyw8tE/s320/15.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wonder if their psi abilities are the true origin of the <br />GLC's power source?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div>
Back in dawn of time, all the characters shooting energy at the Anti-Monitor has served to only make him more powerful. Oops. Well, since that strategy isn't working, let's try something else. The Spectre levels up, growing to the same gargantuan size as Anti-Monitor. In order to support this form, he taps into all the mystically empowered characters to act as a power supply, linking arms as they channel their energies into him.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcV3xEx_hKjcJSmc-pWxJHHAHXWLZaXzMnSNenO8Lf4GKA1gvUPZ7QT7XpRl60nnrA0bV2o-NFlCHtbsYlGWr0tNn79Gx_ZQ02M4s4lCi6BGUSgge4gyQ3T8D6oq_LKWBu1QBN23K2o-o/s1600/16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcV3xEx_hKjcJSmc-pWxJHHAHXWLZaXzMnSNenO8Lf4GKA1gvUPZ7QT7XpRl60nnrA0bV2o-NFlCHtbsYlGWr0tNn79Gx_ZQ02M4s4lCi6BGUSgge4gyQ3T8D6oq_LKWBu1QBN23K2o-o/s320/16.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Spectre drank all his milk, ate all his veggies, and a bowl of Wheaties...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
And it is only at this point that I realize what I am reading is effectively a precursor to a Power Rangers Megazord battle. Maybe I was onto something with comparing Anti-Monitor to Rita and Zed. He spends much of the first half of the series watching the heroes fight his shadow warriors like an army of Putties from the security of a view screen, both Supergirl and the Flash significantly ruin his "Plan A" stratagems. The only thing left for him to do is grow to enormous strength only to be defeated by an equally large manifestation of the team's gestalt efforts. <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwc-Zv9TFQm7k23b_P9b8-WnP7aeE8Xvbt8EGIs_rjbj84ItITEtvvAWni72-pyJUvMppJa92jMSueRboN_yfjLHceMe0kVGWMmQ0Y39v6lDnZuDNd7nisdzb2Ye5KG3Cslk_nba-jITs/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwc-Zv9TFQm7k23b_P9b8-WnP7aeE8Xvbt8EGIs_rjbj84ItITEtvvAWni72-pyJUvMppJa92jMSueRboN_yfjLHceMe0kVGWMmQ0Y39v6lDnZuDNd7nisdzb2Ye5KG3Cslk_nba-jITs/s320/17.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"By your powers combined, I am... still the Spectre."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It really looks like the heroes have a fighting chance when a window of purple energy appears in the sky. It is Krona of the Oans, his experiment underway. This is what Anti-Monitor has been waiting for. Spectre thinks there is still a chance he just needs more power but as he says this, the world begins to crack and shatter into shards as the issue draws to an end. The narration makes it explicit that this is the end of all that was.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdBrcbx8GnAHqFGkL_iJUPcEL7P5Y8AygUT31epNTMT29MCKE9zyIl3l09TYkU7aiVDRd5RfB8YYsDzapYAM7WFYzrHEmNKNVvA4otK-YFDqaNwmyXGOGl3S_nUs8nQmEQGo2XzNKVZ4/s1600/18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJdBrcbx8GnAHqFGkL_iJUPcEL7P5Y8AygUT31epNTMT29MCKE9zyIl3l09TYkU7aiVDRd5RfB8YYsDzapYAM7WFYzrHEmNKNVvA4otK-YFDqaNwmyXGOGl3S_nUs8nQmEQGo2XzNKVZ4/s400/18.JPG" width="266" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who was the wiseass who hid the final page of the issue<br />behind all this crap?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
It's not the first time the series has trolled us with this sort of ominous cliffhanger ending and we still have two issues to go, so I won't exactly cry into my diary over this now. It's a page I had to look at a few time because it is so filled with Kirby dots and cosmic energies, that it took me a few passes to figure out what was happening, let alone who was talking. Like I said, last issue's ending while not being cosmically epic the way most of these issues ends worked better because it was clear what was happening and who was in danger. This issue's final page falls back to the series' trend of coupling cosmic, somewhat abstract visuals and foreboding purple narration. <i>Crisis</i> has played this sort of ending within an inch of its life and loses its impact the more Wolfman and Perez return to that well. By the conclusion of this series, I don't want to be mentally on autopilot the way these issue endings mostly have been.<br />
<br />
As a whole, I really oughtn't complain too much about this issue. Sure, the first third is dedicated to finishing up the "Villains Assemble" arc, which in and of itself was pointless filler. But even so, this issue has has a lot of forward momentum and knows when it needs a few minutes to breathe. It gets the book back on track both in terms of the overall thrust of the series itself as well as getting back to the more focused attention to its characters that we we saw toward the middle of the series. Although, it doesn't reach what it was. Too much of the creative team's attention is devoted to getting everyone in the DCU back on the same page to have time to really zero in on a couple focal characters. But that's an acceptable cost for getting this story back on track. Reassembling the collected heroes and villains into a unified corps for a common goal doesn't quite have the grandeur and excitement it had the first time they were all assembled, but I think that's for the best since we are spending far less time with inessential interactions.<br />
<br />
I didn't talk a lot about "The Monitor Tapes." I was initially planning to just insert a quick blurb about each panel of it we see at the tail end of each paragraph, but other than being nonsequitur and distracting, it also would have divided scene recaps in half. For the most part, though, they are interesting if you like getting some insight into the greater cosmology of the DCU, but ultimately, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think it needed to be spliced up and inserted into each page of the issue (if you're reading on the Comixology app, panel-by-panel, it really upsets the flow of the reading experience), nor do I think it even warranted being presented at the back of the issue because it isn't a story in its own right. It's literally just a series of wide panels in grayscale accompanied with texts from Lyla's notes. It's an illustrated debrief. My guess is either the creative team had more story in mind than they could fit or more scene tableaux ready than they could fit in the story organically and by god(s), they were going to fit it in, come hell or high water. It's an oddity. Interesting? Certainly. Integral to the narrative? Nope.<br />
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Next week, we're switching back to Marvel and see how things go for the Avengers Unity Squad in their efforts against The Shredded Man now that we've thrown a Cable into the pot in <i>Uncanny Avengers (vol 3) #3</i>.<br />
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katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-60217275608353448882016-06-15T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-15T13:21:44.088-07:00Superman vs Glam<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICbyjBkal1FOYsO-beDczDHsAyvt-ACPRWVPLmrEITbQI2DuJDaDUoG48sgT2UgVryLbW8guKSU3GKlQ4Wm3-nWKCfOPicEFKrPJJhYFqI2K2jx73Y4pRpDmPHWozMrQPQ-B2BBCISFw/s1600/supermanivaustrailiandaybill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICbyjBkal1FOYsO-beDczDHsAyvt-ACPRWVPLmrEITbQI2DuJDaDUoG48sgT2UgVryLbW8guKSU3GKlQ4Wm3-nWKCfOPicEFKrPJJhYFqI2K2jx73Y4pRpDmPHWozMrQPQ-B2BBCISFw/s640/supermanivaustrailiandaybill.jpg" width="317" /></a>Full Disclosure: I've had a lot on my mind lately, as I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off in preparation for moving. Perhaps that is why I have been exhibiting some odd behaviors, such as stress eating, getting nostalgic about old movie stubs, or selecting the subject of today's blog entry would be a good idea. Spoilers: it was not.<br />
<br />
Now, I am fully aware that reviewing <i>Superman IV: The Quest for Peace </i>is a common fool's errand, that I'm hardly the first fool to walk this path. It's a carcass whose bones have been picked clean for decades at this point. However, at least before I sat down to watch the film as an adult, I had been living in a world of rose tinted glasses where this film was concerned. When I was little (that should have been the first sign, come to think of it), I remember watching this fondly. After all, this was the most over the top "comic book come to life" entry in the franchise." It's a movie where Superman was literally chasing a foe across the globe and saving people along the way. I thought it was really cool. I did mention I was a real littl'un when I first saw this film?<br />
<br />
"How bad can it be," I remember asking my boyfriend? I remember a moment of him staring me down, as if waiting for me to blink and say, "just kidding." If only... if only...<br />
<br />
Our film starts us off on the wrong foot. I know I took a lot of pot shots at <i>Superman III</i>'s opening credit sequence on account of it being just incredibly silly and not the right tone setter for a super heroic adventure story. But as odd and slapstick as it was creative and demonstrated more than a modicum of effort. <i>Quest for Peace </i>is cheaply done and is on autopilot. It's so cheap that www.movie-screencaps.com didn't bother to include more than the main titles. Yeah, I outsourced my screen grabs this time because I couldn't fathom the thought of watching this film yet again.<br />
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I know this will sound petty in the grand scheme of things, but it's the only film without a preamble. The original one had that simple but effective use of a small child in 1939 reading <i>Action Comics</i> #1 and setting up the tone and spirit of the film beautifully. The second installment established Zod and his followers for those who hadn't seen the first film. Even the third film took a moment to establish it's <strike>stunt casting</strike> sympathetic antagonist, Richard Pryor. Not <i>Quest, </i>though. This film cuts so many corners that the final product is a sphere.<br />
<br />
The title sequence itself is basically copies the original the way an 8-year-old copies the <i>Mona Lisa.</i> The same basic concept of titles and names flying in space is implemented, but whereas the original was masterful, and really gave the sense of soaring through space as the names stretch across the screen, the titles in this installment look like some was playing with WordArt. The orchestration isn't exactly a two kazoos and a jew's harp, but it doesn't quite feel like it captures the same sense of grandeur and scope of John Williams' original version. It's also a bit more allegro, making it feel quick and punchy, as opposed to the dignified, triumphant adagio of earlier films.<br />
<br />
As the credits draw to a close, we find ourselves in space, where a cosmonaut is serenading us with a Russian rendition of Paul Anka's My Way as he does some sort of technical work on the exterior of their shuttle, and his fellow cosmonauts jokes over the intercom about his singing and call him Sinatra. I know this is a small thing, but I do enjoy that the flight crew isn't portrayed as all-male, which I think would have been tempting for an American audience, considering the first female American astronaut had only been a few years before this film's release.<br />
<br />
Well, as one is wont to do in a <i>Superman</i> film, things go awry when space debris hits the shuttle, causing it to tumble uncontrollably and our Soviet Sinatra is sent hurtling through space. The John Williams theme we heard mere minutes ago plays as who should appear but our protagonist, Superman.<br />
<br />
Get used to that shot of him flying. It gets reused a lot. I suspect that the special effects department only rented the flight harness and green screen for half an hour and they had to make do. They also don't do a very good job of incorporating him into the green screen environment. Whoever filmed this section didn't know about lighting filters (color gels) which professional cameras most assuredly had in 1987. It's embarrassingly unpolished. In today's parlance, it's like posting a selfie without picking an instagram filter.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjclAzopqk5gyK-tD80NDBpI2KFeOL7y8mFPOc6FFheD0jX8OC4MdflrrZKTiYNEDKx1vdAwv77kkjpVCZ-WwdTXInB1Ub5FwZHg2Dv15OpWzVJPvkZMRwts6JwVdbbvGsaEEALGNerlY/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-238.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjclAzopqk5gyK-tD80NDBpI2KFeOL7y8mFPOc6FFheD0jX8OC4MdflrrZKTiYNEDKx1vdAwv77kkjpVCZ-WwdTXInB1Ub5FwZHg2Dv15OpWzVJPvkZMRwts6JwVdbbvGsaEEALGNerlY/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-238.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good thing they left the airlock open that whole time. </td></tr>
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Anyway, Superman sets the shuttle aright and rescues the plummeting crew member, he gives his patented corny farewell, but in Russian, and flies off. I actually like this scene for the way it sets up the Russians the same way the film's target American/Western audience would view itself. Just plain folk in need of saving. Considering the driving pulse of this film, ostensibly, is Cold War anxiety, establishing the frailty and humanity of the people on the other side of the Iron Curtain was a good way to illustrate that the Russians are just like the Americans without having to hammer us over the head with it.<br />
<br />
Clark Kent arrives in his home town of Smallville, which in my review of <i>Superman III</i>, I concluded was a pocket dimension that can only be accessed by way of a wormhole in Metropolis. Clark looks melancholy and with good reason. His Martha Kent has apparently been dead for some time and he's looking after the family farm, which has a large "for sale" sign on it.<br />
<br />
He finds himself drawn to the barn, which the careful observer of various Superman adaptations can tell you is where there is a never-ending supply of plot-relevant Kryptonian artifacts hidden. In this instance, there is a single glowing green crystal, which speaks to him in his birth-mother's voice... because they couldn't afford Marlon Brando. Mommy-crystal basically tells him that she has the power to restore him to his full power, but can be used only once. She is Chekhov's space crystals.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQS1cYyad6-283jB-fjC4Y4uTWCiPfz9NaV94BlJf4-HYZMGjRSA2aVXboIv9QAIZvafZcjb2rlDIJKHIHHP5uH-HAlIIzx_8AXNWG83yl-Kr86mNS8ECKwhITpzczI1UEFwyo1ovE3o/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-576.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXQS1cYyad6-283jB-fjC4Y4uTWCiPfz9NaV94BlJf4-HYZMGjRSA2aVXboIv9QAIZvafZcjb2rlDIJKHIHHP5uH-HAlIIzx_8AXNWG83yl-Kr86mNS8ECKwhITpzczI1UEFwyo1ovE3o/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-576.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Subterfuge worthy of one who uses glasses as a disguise.</td></tr>
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He is pulled away from the barn, quickly (poorly) hiding the crystal in an old coat, by the arrival of an old family friend who is also Clark's estate agent, hoping to sell the farm quickly to a developer. Clark refuses. For some reason they play baseball, and of course Clark fakes not being able to play well while realtor is horrible to him. Then as soon as he's out of sight, he hits a ball into the outer stratosphere. God, does this scene serve absolutely no purpose. We could have cut directly from the crystal, as forcibly wedged into the film as it is, and headed directly to the next scene in Metropolis and lost exactly nothing. We never follow up on Clark losing the last of his family or even the fate of the family farm. It's the most sacky of plot cul-de-sacs.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNT8TKBqu5ZXevmWKGC7xlCtak7BPWlKRlCt7D1pDObP4kGxa0Z56nBX8mN-PET3SROlqhGu7WmQM2KR8olLkN1INolNrWL83FtoOjiCcuGzYrtXoBlfSpuvpUt8n1X9Jv6ZsyDbixYc/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-710.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNNT8TKBqu5ZXevmWKGC7xlCtak7BPWlKRlCt7D1pDObP4kGxa0Z56nBX8mN-PET3SROlqhGu7WmQM2KR8olLkN1INolNrWL83FtoOjiCcuGzYrtXoBlfSpuvpUt8n1X9Jv6ZsyDbixYc/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-710.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why have the Kents held onto this for so long and in the yard of all places?</td></tr>
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We turn our attention now to our antagonist. Lex Luthor seems to have been living his incarceration working in a rock quarry, where all the inmates are arrayed in the striped "Hamburglar" prison suits that I'm fairly certain the US Department of Corrections hasn't implemented in decades. Here, we find Lex picking the most artificial-looking posies possible and tucking it into his ascot... because of course, he does... while whistling the theme to Mozart's <i>Eine Kleine Nachtmusik</i>, much to the chagrin of his fellow inmates, to whom Lex shows only contempt.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVMw0KWNIZqLFIx4u-_2tYTC7ksaKofBtQaKo1sEAQWkMlTihLevriN9x7xu8Zurus03atb2QZBeID4NGwYs1UAEWT5ZNyBIb0LdsZekT4J2Z7LHv5c2X_DbYnSXlgAfV-B0zqRH-9xqI/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-889.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVMw0KWNIZqLFIx4u-_2tYTC7ksaKofBtQaKo1sEAQWkMlTihLevriN9x7xu8Zurus03atb2QZBeID4NGwYs1UAEWT5ZNyBIb0LdsZekT4J2Z7LHv5c2X_DbYnSXlgAfV-B0zqRH-9xqI/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-889.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One does want a hint of color...</td></tr>
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Just then, the day to day rigor of prison life is interrupted by... Duckie from <i>Pretty In Pink. </i>No, apparently, John Cryer is playing Lenny Luthor, but he's just as irritating as Duckie. Lenny looks like a 50's greaser by way of 80's punk/80s ambient gay.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgob_cztGvNpG2pLCjozKLPPv7zpNIZPnwn2QeG2g-K7vxbFeC9pjg63_LTzMYJEBMyszuQiUd_uRRLfWK8jVtGDQ3Jux185tOnr8XdUHA22EUL1LbkRQvtjVufPhbxELtaeMACH6f-3dU/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-972.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgob_cztGvNpG2pLCjozKLPPv7zpNIZPnwn2QeG2g-K7vxbFeC9pjg63_LTzMYJEBMyszuQiUd_uRRLfWK8jVtGDQ3Jux185tOnr8XdUHA22EUL1LbkRQvtjVufPhbxELtaeMACH6f-3dU/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-972.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Auditions for the <i>Grease </i>touring company are down the street.</td></tr>
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I have to question the level of security this prison implements. Apparently, it's lax enough that a teenager can just drive on into the rock quarry without the slightest obstruction. Keep in mind, this prison is housing Lex Luthor, the frequently self-proclaimed "world's greatest criminal mastermind." I know that prisons exist in this sort of movie to get broken out of, but part of why it's fun to see a villain like Lex break out is because it's fun to see him outwitting the guards. And, yes, he does outwit them, but these guards are a special kind of inept. As they both (yes, apparently this high security facility only schedules two guards for this entire work site) rush at Lenny, instead of taking him to task, they are instantly enthralled with his tricked out convertible.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I'm scratching my head over it. First of all, he has a decal of his name that runs the full length of the sides. "LENNY." He paid money for that. 'Kay... Secondly, there's his sound system. My boyfriend laughed at what Lenny refers to as a "Sensurround 100," better known as the precursor to the modern woofer. To me, writing in 2016, it just looks like he has a bunch of naval air horns strapped to the outside of his car and twisted inward, which makes me wonder how he uses it when the convertible and/or the windows are up. Said sound system is blasting and he has on a set of headphones. Lenny might be an idiot.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMjOoGUw8QFh9uwS8yPiDa15jQQ2JZsDHpDuRJZeTqGaodaBnZGqDGUjR4DQgPHYtnwY-0EYVpUGOWxqW3rlzEot4KTbpk2yu4s4mDOU9nBQBLSF-W7EyHkggrFy1OTOxgdklFxd9NLn0/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1082.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMjOoGUw8QFh9uwS8yPiDa15jQQ2JZsDHpDuRJZeTqGaodaBnZGqDGUjR4DQgPHYtnwY-0EYVpUGOWxqW3rlzEot4KTbpk2yu4s4mDOU9nBQBLSF-W7EyHkggrFy1OTOxgdklFxd9NLn0/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1082.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Your tax dollars at work. </td></tr>
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It doesn't take much encouragement for Lenny to convince these two woefully stupid prison guards (who, btw, started off this scene rushing up to Lex and yelling at him for not working hard enough) to climb into this sketchy Lennymobile. That's when Lenny whips out a remote control that had been disguised as a Walkman (kids, ask your parents) and takes control of the car at a distance, with Lex narrating each phase of the car stratagem. Despite the fact that these two trained guards clearly can tell that something is amiss, they seem too incompetent to do anything as the windows and the convertible top go up, and the seats go back, trapping them inside as they scream their heads off. Then Lenny drives the RC Lennymobile flying off a pit and into a ravine, resulting in a mushroom cloud of smoke. Those two bozos were all that stood between Lex and his latest prison break. But don't worry, the filmmakers put in a shot of them crawling out of the pit, just in case we were worried about these two guys for whom we had absolutely no emotional investment. Yeah, they're gonna be okay, so no nightmares tonight, guys.<br />
<br />
As Lex and Lenny make their pretty casual escape, Lex compares his nephew to Dutch Elm Disease when a simple thank you probably would have been more appropriate. Lenny asks Lex whether he's going to get out of the country while he can. Instead, Lex replies that he has had only one thing in mind since he's been incarcerated. And Lenny chimes in so they can both say in unison, "Destroy Superman." It makes me just wonder how many holiday family dinners Lex attends where all he does is turn every conversation around to how much he hates Superman. At Thanksgiving Dinner, when all the other Luthors are going around the table saying what they're most thankful for, Lex just says, "I'm thankful no-one has destroyed Superman before I get an opportunity to."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJbBbSvkiNCXVK2qG6bscikEhxTxTh1bs8sKDk_eZrxuhvKyWbwSYPAIn5Ub7GrgSaC9rJY5l_4jk434Ya4RuAOWUAJYVdTlpCQtS9UGt3HNfdvC2FR6rCF7xRmcciLn7mYJCjXDAT8pQ/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJbBbSvkiNCXVK2qG6bscikEhxTxTh1bs8sKDk_eZrxuhvKyWbwSYPAIn5Ub7GrgSaC9rJY5l_4jk434Ya4RuAOWUAJYVdTlpCQtS9UGt3HNfdvC2FR6rCF7xRmcciLn7mYJCjXDAT8pQ/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1360.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They're not even pretending NYC is Metropolis</td></tr>
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Back in the Lower Manhattan district of Metropolis, I'm starting to worry whether either anything in this city works properly or if Lois Lane is a shit magnet. She's walking toward the subway while brushing up on her French, and boards a car just in time for the doors to close on her loyal puppy of a co-worker, Clark. Of course, the daily commute goes awry when the car conductor apparently has a heart attack or maybe a seizure, and starts plowing past stops. Lois shouts and despite 6 years, Margot Kidder still hasn't lost that throaty two-packs of cigarettes a day timbre as she shouts for help. Clark has to jump into a phone booth (which by the late 80s were already becomeing rare, let alone in a subway), Supes up and flies down the subway tunnel to save the day.<br />
<br />
You really have to wonder about what life is like for ace reporter Lois Lane. Once the subway car is safely stopped, she doesn't even seem to contemplate the danger or even seem thankful for her survival. Instead, she seems a little miffed that the Man from Krypton didn't stop for some chitchat after he rescued her. I guess we all have our crosses to bare, Lois.<br />
<br />
Clark arrives at work where we find that <i>The Daily Planet</i> is now the subject of a hostile takeover. Their new boss, Mr. David Warfield, is a lot like Ross Webster, the head villain from the previous entry in the franchise. As he disparagingly reads through previous installments of the <i>Planet</i>, Perry White asks Warfield if he's only reading the headlines. Warfield's answer: he only reads the ledger. He's here to cut corners (including Lois' trip to France) and turn the paper into whatever it needs to be to start turning a profit. That's right, guys. The evil corporate bad guy from the last film was repackaged and sold to this one's screenwriters as a minor antagonist for Lois and a bit of a nuisance for Clark as well. DC <i>does</i> have a history of evil spin doctors in the news/entertainment industry, but G. Gordon Godfrey he ain't. He's just a tabloid peddler.<br />
<br />
However, like Ross Webster, he does come with a mini-entourage in the form of his daughter, Lacy, who reasserts her father's yuppie greed philosophy while wearing the biggest glasses and shiniest jacket the 80's could provide in an office setting.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG746Z9xPRqrEESbgcrnhGoYHfwbzACYoislKxt3yrMZerGZ2dEVdgSdfs3HIBG-x3GuVc8WubngdmVz5-exGhLfJQQbotgSnc7f9Bv9NfdGpQQxfsGaMzFjIjdtziRn93OCdD0LcfUN8/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1629.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG746Z9xPRqrEESbgcrnhGoYHfwbzACYoislKxt3yrMZerGZ2dEVdgSdfs3HIBG-x3GuVc8WubngdmVz5-exGhLfJQQbotgSnc7f9Bv9NfdGpQQxfsGaMzFjIjdtziRn93OCdD0LcfUN8/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1629.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Like Superman, Valley Girl uses glasses to hide her secret identity.</td></tr>
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Lacy's kind of horrible, but Clark catches her eye, so there's hope (?). After the meeting adjourns, she talks with Lois about Clark. Lois tries to ward him off with all the subtext of trying to keep her "Plan B" guy single and would also deeply insulting Lacy in the process, if Lacy had the slightest acquaintance with wit. She declares that Clark is goodhearted, loyal, and a gentleman, and Lacy isn't his type. Lacy's response either shows the screenwriters' absolute lack or or presence of self-awareness, I'm not sure which. "Don't be silly. All men like me, I'm very, very rich." Where else is there to go with a characterization like that but up?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJ3TdYayeNgyytMojtFHSz1RmQ0tjGyif_9Ae68QIheARRJYMX0fHQOF2hNJQNxfY-R_BISMnc8iHovyFRxf_TAwxtcN2v5CMNc3Qxg2p0pTarCs0_McwFGHk_s7Llmm9Alb3k0MJ_h8/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1774.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJ3TdYayeNgyytMojtFHSz1RmQ0tjGyif_9Ae68QIheARRJYMX0fHQOF2hNJQNxfY-R_BISMnc8iHovyFRxf_TAwxtcN2v5CMNc3Qxg2p0pTarCs0_McwFGHk_s7Llmm9Alb3k0MJ_h8/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1774.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The line between self-involvement and self-awareness <br />has been trampled over by this film.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's also worth pointing out that Lacy seems to always be followed by a light romantic theme. Right now, it's flutes, but later on it progresses to saxophones as she pursues Clark more aggressively. Flutes: the sound of romance. Saxophones: the sound of predation.<br />
<br />
As all our mains are gathered in <strike>Perry's</strike> Warfield's office hashing out expenses, Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen comes in and switches on a broadcast from the president. Clark is worried what it might be about, but Warfield says an international crisis would be good for sales. Because Warfield is a asshat and the movie wants you to remember this every time he speaks. The broadcast plays and totally not Reagan declares that due to the failure of the summit (I'm guessing it a peace summit and not a poetry summit), the US will need to take measures to be "second to none in the nuclear arms race."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPeo6nkaLKkRtIB2IXL70_KVPWGOxKWJD8UGs5j_ggHkitIUggQVltSwhrR7z6S0GUinQRbbt4cccByTjWbC13BKdgLezvVy548xlt2yP7cg1cGg4qYa9j-fIL3nVl1LS4LXlOQRJJB5o/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1877.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPeo6nkaLKkRtIB2IXL70_KVPWGOxKWJD8UGs5j_ggHkitIUggQVltSwhrR7z6S0GUinQRbbt4cccByTjWbC13BKdgLezvVy548xlt2yP7cg1cGg4qYa9j-fIL3nVl1LS4LXlOQRJJB5o/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1877.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The school year just won't end and now she's desperate.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
From there we cut to a middle American high school. You get the sense that it is late May and this teacher is running out of ideas. After all, they're watching news broadcasts in school. She probably has Baileys in her coffee mug and she's coming up with anything she can think of to keep these kids occupied for 7 hours a day. It's clearly a chemistry class room, but she has an assignment "write 200 words on the Statue of Liberty" written on the board. Ye gods, is she itching for Summer break. Even her idea in the face of nuclear arms manufacture wreaks of end of the school year "brain on autopilot" thinking: they're going to write their congressman. Not that communicating with elected officials isn't a valid thing to do, but it is such a Hail Mary pass as far as classroom activities go. God(s), this is dumb. Oh, but then the one space case in the back of the class chimes in and says the key to international diplomacy is Superman. And now I'm hitting my head on the desk with laughter.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihX1WccE6b7HjzsFgqVabNtc-MTpDxIHY13QrCXZFQZAxes0nLXm-GZ054f2fcsMl0Mgf-mSkXSdfl0MiWAyFxnvJkux7v-_ealTrMtorF0Vqjz30Lh6pJ_AXPH8hMBhyZKRgu8-c8rcU/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihX1WccE6b7HjzsFgqVabNtc-MTpDxIHY13QrCXZFQZAxes0nLXm-GZ054f2fcsMl0Mgf-mSkXSdfl0MiWAyFxnvJkux7v-_ealTrMtorF0Vqjz30Lh6pJ_AXPH8hMBhyZKRgu8-c8rcU/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-1948.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jeremy: The Bad Idea Bear of this movie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Okay, here's the thing about Superman that Alan Moore got incredibly spot on with Dr. Manhattan in <i>The Watchmen</i>. When entering the realm of international politics. Superman isn't the key to international peace. He's the deterrent to war. That's why in the comics, Superman functions in a highly apolitical way. He's not there to use his gifts to force politicians to do what is right. He's here to save the day when things get too far out of hand for the common man to save himself... and also getting cats out of trees. One of the key factors of Superman is despite all his strengths, he does not function by a philosophy of might makes right. Instead, much like Captain America, it comes down to being moral, true of heart, and compassionate that usually makes him worth rooting for.<br />
<br />
And initially, Superman agrees with his canon modus operandi, which I appreciate after having sat through two different Superman movies where he's dark and brooding, and wildly out of character because Goyer hates superheroes and Snyder is an 11-year-old. At first, he refuses because he cannot make the decisions that will shape humanity as a whole on such a grand scale.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpJh0tTyNCyjUSIC-M7lIKbBqNhbZFcsCVrgL7JnAJX402Mpb2WQDnRi29jYQATcnGRgOHVO6CgC3zV6Gm9jlUdhaJuMOcmqGxlG3HLXzIFN_zEaflLyLfz_XQPU3jxESAif3_oMZ7Ig/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2083.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNpJh0tTyNCyjUSIC-M7lIKbBqNhbZFcsCVrgL7JnAJX402Mpb2WQDnRi29jYQATcnGRgOHVO6CgC3zV6Gm9jlUdhaJuMOcmqGxlG3HLXzIFN_zEaflLyLfz_XQPU3jxESAif3_oMZ7Ig/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2083.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lex is lucky Superhair didn't break his shears.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, Lenny and Lex are at a museum where a strand of Superman's hair is on display, holding up an incredibly heavy weight just to show how strong he is. Just like at the prison quarry, the Luthors gain access to the hair with minimal effort. Security in the cinematic DCU is the utmost worst. Lex, a wanted criminal who has put the security of the entire world in peril *twice* has been wandering around the entire museum with nary an eyebrow raised. Not only that, but he's been carrying around a pair of large pruning shears. Superman's hair is strong enough to maintain a 1,000lb suspended in air indefinitely as an exhibit, but fell prey to gardening tools.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFRVRQmWopjFhSTE8w6iknfOkhs6pGYyJhaXFigZz2W6lpBqXfYXn0JB-SXDIGtFwcMoSIifAhnE67BfNbP7udUeTGmoz7oVGAof6JfzkE1Q6sV8iPkBq1T26BJ87hzM48jv_W6kT3MQ/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2125.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFRVRQmWopjFhSTE8w6iknfOkhs6pGYyJhaXFigZz2W6lpBqXfYXn0JB-SXDIGtFwcMoSIifAhnE67BfNbP7udUeTGmoz7oVGAof6JfzkE1Q6sV8iPkBq1T26BJ87hzM48jv_W6kT3MQ/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2125.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#TryingTooHard</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back at <i>The Daily Planet</i>, walks into his office to find Lacy laying across his desk, propositioning him... for a "late night" column (I mentioned the saxophones, right?). It's as flimsy excuse as any to ask him out on a date, but she is in it to win it and is not taking no for an answer. Lois walks in with a letter for Superman and seems quite pleased to be cockblocking Lacy. Why would she bring it to Clark if Lois doesn't know Clark is Superman? Silly readers. Do you think the movie thought that hard? You'll learn. Hell, Lois even gracefully sidesteps why the <i>Planet</i> gets Superman's letters in the first place.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhciH-Rbp1tJVmBM5ZjDyDwCPsITqmXMBPVZg_Fqymu9zMlCrmpyz0DcnxSbfdmMYR5JyP4nmwcjaj4KK_w20Ag4WJwjnWQdHbXh9W3UvK9e4UUD2v3_bz4T0KjGwiTV8KSt7jJwlw15VA/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhciH-Rbp1tJVmBM5ZjDyDwCPsITqmXMBPVZg_Fqymu9zMlCrmpyz0DcnxSbfdmMYR5JyP4nmwcjaj4KK_w20Ag4WJwjnWQdHbXh9W3UvK9e4UUD2v3_bz4T0KjGwiTV8KSt7jJwlw15VA/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2246.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lois to Lacy: "Good God, girl, get a grip."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As I mentioned earlier, Superman refuses the boy's suggestion outright and Clark says just as much to Lois and Lacy. Lacy, however, is the living embodiment of a bad idea bear in this part of the film and sees an angle for a story. In short order Lacy and Papa Warfield have the little boy in front of news cameras and papers are in news stands painting Supes as some jerk who refuses the wishes of America's youth. WON'T SOMEBODY *PLEASE* THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhky8b6WH4B9eXbqqyU0N2D8hQmh9vA27BQWAxj9wAqaP6zy8lHU854Nqtn6Gf3cUiBKo0orUefk-eWPH6pOpQBgi_Z0dGd7_65Y2wcBE794-8o7kJajYsx9RB2F2sPRlc0TAf003iiMN8/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2473.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhky8b6WH4B9eXbqqyU0N2D8hQmh9vA27BQWAxj9wAqaP6zy8lHU854Nqtn6Gf3cUiBKo0orUefk-eWPH6pOpQBgi_Z0dGd7_65Y2wcBE794-8o7kJajYsx9RB2F2sPRlc0TAf003iiMN8/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2473.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">J. Jonah Jameson wouldn't print this horseshit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Perry White is through with Warfield treating his paper like a tabloid and walks off the movie. Don't worry, he'll wander back by the denouement.<br />
<br />
Superman travels to the Fortress of Solitude and seeks out the wisdom of his people. They advise such things as giving Earth the old heave-ho and relocating to a more civilized ball of dirt to live on. Even more hilariously is an elder who says that any planet who puts the task of one man to save them will inevitably be betrayed. And he keeps saying betrayed. No, this isn't an echo, nor was there any attempt to make it feel like something resounding in Clark's head. The guy just stands there repeating the word like he's having neural-cognitive issues on the set. Betrayed! Betrayed! Betrayed! Repent, Ebeneezer! Repent! Repent!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiVw_ynTd2bVw1auztlI_Piaea09BDZypLPwHH-_revua3i6ZdtjWMBkmu_nVqk2uD2fP4MdCClz6WDHSqe74Rfmp-I-Ay6JE3qH7PT4RKUGw19cfGWozDdLxI_LpEy40vGqXrunEp22E/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2740.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiVw_ynTd2bVw1auztlI_Piaea09BDZypLPwHH-_revua3i6ZdtjWMBkmu_nVqk2uD2fP4MdCClz6WDHSqe74Rfmp-I-Ay6JE3qH7PT4RKUGw19cfGWozDdLxI_LpEy40vGqXrunEp22E/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-2740.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He gets paid by the "doomed."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
While <i>still</i> mulling this over in his apartment, he is visited by Lois, who asks why he isn't in a tux yet because they're due at the Summit. The same one that failed? How often do you have summits in this city? Clark says he needs some air. Lois walks him out and Clark leads them off a ledge, Lois is falling to her death probably for the third time that month when she is greeted by Superman, still with Clark's glasses, which she quickly tucks into the belt of her gown as they fly off for a cheaply made shot by shot re-enactment of their original flight scene in the first movie. Oh, movie... The one thing you don't want to do in your crappy, crappy film is remind your audience of the better film they could be watching right now.<br />
<br />
Remember how the romantic flight in the first film Clark let go of her hand but still braced her by the waist to give her a sense of what it feels like to fly? Well here, he just shoves her, laughing as gravity does what it does. Gods, this would be so less painful if it wasn't trying so transparently to copy one of the best scenes in the entire superhero genre.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil8S9F5i1U2qn6EMpA02UO0wzRoH34FX7dUsE4wOB70i6SND3mkTinH8KxKrLCJNfvvKd-_ltbmFF2ce9H9HO3k5f6tDokwmxV-Xh12UP4J5nCYRK2uP5voX6X5oamRO5cdN2mPiM0WnE/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3092.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil8S9F5i1U2qn6EMpA02UO0wzRoH34FX7dUsE4wOB70i6SND3mkTinH8KxKrLCJNfvvKd-_ltbmFF2ce9H9HO3k5f6tDokwmxV-Xh12UP4J5nCYRK2uP5voX6X5oamRO5cdN2mPiM0WnE/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3092.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The face of a woman whose beloved just tried to kill her.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They return to Clark's balcony and we get the hint that Lois remembers everything from the events of the second film. Of course, appearing to her with your Clark glasses on was probably a dead giveaway. At the very least, it jogged her memory. They talk a little about the important decision he faces, and she says she's behind him no matter what. That's enough Then using his Kryptonian physiology he kisses her so hard he drains enough oxygen from her brain to make her forget the past five minutes of screen time. But that's okay, considering she seems to sorta kinda know about the Clark/Kal-El connection on a subconscious level throughout the film, even if she doesn't openly acknowledge it. Having changed back into a tuxedoed Clark, Lois is a little out of it, but recovers nicely enough. They banter their way out the door and Lois says "you should always go with your gut." Which is pretty good advice.<br />
<br />
Actually, it's interesting to note how similarly and how differently she advises both Superman and Clark. Superman gets words of unconditional support, regardless of his decision, Clark gets an off the cuff suggestion to trust himself. They're both told very differently, but impart the same message. Clark/Kal-El should always trust in himself to do what is right. Too bad, Clark confuses his gut instinct with pressures from the media in this film...<br />
<br />
Next stop: United Nations Building. Lacy and Lois have carpooled for Superman's big day because Daddy Warfield is a cheapskate. They park illegally right in front of the UN building and Lacy is concerned that the ticket is going to be through the roof. Lois tells her to relax, that it's only money. Okay, I get that at this point in the film we're not supposed to be too sympathetic toward Lacy just yet, and the film is firmly against corporate greed (or miserliness, in this instance), but the lady has a point, especially with her unscrupulous father cooking the books. Also, for a film that promotes a pretty black and white morality, having our female leads knowingly commit a parking infraction seems off.<br />
<br />
The Last Son of Smallville arrives and the entire UN assembly are drinking the Kool-Aid. Clearly, they all know what he's there to discuss. That alone confuses me. This suggests that <i>all</i> the countries of the world are game for this. Really, movie? The entire UN is okay with their respective nations' defense systems being dismantled forcibly by an alien being without any national allegiance, and who is powerful enough to conquer the world single-handedly. Not one person is wary about this? The chairperson declares that in order to have the floor and every hand in the room reaches for the sky. Seriously, movie? I know this is speculative fiction, but my disbelief has been suspended so far is cracked under the strain.<br />
<br />
Also, another sign of 1. how the 80s were really a different time and 2. this movie had zero budget is the fact that about half UN members are dressed in traditional garments from their respective nations. Just about all those who are happen to be non-white. There is certainly a range from subdued to utterly silly, but I drew the line at what looks like a stereotyped "Arab Costume" you'd find at a Halloween Adventure. Yes, some delegates may wear traditional adornments along with their professional attire such as headwear, but this is the UN, not "It's A Small World After All." <br />
<br />
Up in the mezzanine, Lois, Lacy, the kid who wrote the letter, and Superman's Pal Jimmy Olson are seated, waiting with fervent anticipation.. well, Lacy seems underwhelmed, though she plays along. She's kind of like an inversion of 1st movie Lois in that she is wild about Clark but only begrudgingly accepts Superman. Meanwhile, that kid is sitting in Lois' lap. Aside from the fact that Lois as I like to envision her is crap with kids, why wasn't this kid provided seating? He's probably a VIP with the press? More importantly, where is this kid's parents? Stranger danger! Stranger danger!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljKx5dkHWRC458a_dUX1b8oqJhMB6ElOvzb9Iw3kNU12irIQUPUAjH38N1p6nKkLX-kAcGvvHnl1f1hFUX9F10hiJRCrcp84fO1g3b0KW_H9k4Kk_H_QSDjtX7MQ00WrdK_HhK3JciXU/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3676.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjljKx5dkHWRC458a_dUX1b8oqJhMB6ElOvzb9Iw3kNU12irIQUPUAjH38N1p6nKkLX-kAcGvvHnl1f1hFUX9F10hiJRCrcp84fO1g3b0KW_H9k4Kk_H_QSDjtX7MQ00WrdK_HhK3JciXU/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3676.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seriously, kid, where are your parents?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
So, Superman's speech basically gets the plot rolling... a full 30 minutes into a 90-odd minute film. He effectively declares himself a citizen of the Earth by promising to relieve the world's nations of their nuclear armaments. This is met with a standing ovation. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to live in a world where we don't have to worry that Trump might possibly have access to the nuclear codes next November, but this doesn't even resembling a plausible reality.<br />
<br />
What ensues is a sequence in which the world's nuclear powered nations shooting their atomic payload into space, where Superman catches them all and gathers them in a gigantic net that I have to assume he cobbled together out of steel. He spins around (I wonder how he finds a point on which to pivot in zero gravity) and shotputs all the missiles into the sun. Sure, I'll buy it. This is the comic book logic I paid good money for.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz94b4sRb2PMI1z0rIB-ttejzQnieEDkdqGiwN1q45MOh4CjLID9s-PrYCEvL0C_cvPs1CfpeMzCaiOwW7fv5Fu-Hhe8cUXxOUDKvHRH8P5G-Mh4RpFyhKkHlzKkXG_Ro5xyHQpXMeNO4/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz94b4sRb2PMI1z0rIB-ttejzQnieEDkdqGiwN1q45MOh4CjLID9s-PrYCEvL0C_cvPs1CfpeMzCaiOwW7fv5Fu-Hhe8cUXxOUDKvHRH8P5G-Mh4RpFyhKkHlzKkXG_Ro5xyHQpXMeNO4/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-3862.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm imagining a very different movie where Superman used<br />
his new A-Bomb collection to hold the world hostage.<br />
Mwahahahaha!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Elsewhere, Lex has arranged a meeting with three notorious arms dealers in the international community. He greets them in his quite opulent villain's lair (Lex really failed the laying low section of villainy) with two girls with rhyming names on each arm and proceeds to monologue his way through a quick summary of each one, but honestly it isn't necessary. They are a collective unit of unimportant underlings in the grand scheme. Speaking of underling, Lenny is in the background, where he has a set of drums and several arcade cabinets. Because, kids. Amirite?<br />
<br />
Being that he's talking to arms dealers, i.e. businessmen, you wouldn't think Lex's hyperfocused "let's destroy Superman" sales pitch would work. However, Superman did put them out of the business. Well, according to the logic of this film he did. I suspect in the real world, they would be flush with cash from all the governments trying to restock their armories on the sly after the obvious PR stunt. Somehow, this involves the sun, which he refers to as a huge nuclear bomb and a bowl of protoplasmic goop that he concocted from Superman's genetics.<br />
<br />
Um... how? How did he afford the lab equipment? How did he afford this lavish lair? Shouldn't his assets have been frozen when he was arrested? Either time? Or at the very least when he escaped? Either time? The cinematic DCU was once a very stupid place. Now it's just a very emo one and I'm not sure if that's better or worse.<br />
<br />
Anyway, his proposition is that if they put Luthor's Easy Bake Kryptonian batter on a missile for a trip to the sun, it will create a nuclear powered man who will both be a match for Superman but also will frighten the world's governments into buying nukes like hotcakes. And all Lex wants in return is a small commission. Right...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuSvFtHcb9-18K2nGpPq53JMgz-_0QKX9RhyphenhyphenVYNNJQSUpkYyjRfTt31EgmXxgJdwQbO2CiKfGYU41UMvEVkOTOZ5sjUEuHzjI4vz5BuSZfWI14VdTha7OT-93GqFFN1VSKBqAJzGrjsSU/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4308.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuSvFtHcb9-18K2nGpPq53JMgz-_0QKX9RhyphenhyphenVYNNJQSUpkYyjRfTt31EgmXxgJdwQbO2CiKfGYU41UMvEVkOTOZ5sjUEuHzjI4vz5BuSZfWI14VdTha7OT-93GqFFN1VSKBqAJzGrjsSU/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4308.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laundry Day... See you there...<br />
Underclothes... Tumbling....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In their mad scientist lab coats, Lex and Lenny prep the package for their abomination, consisting of the protoplasm, some dirt (reasons unknown), and some black and gold fabric. Ye gods, their creature is going to be a Steelers fan...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTgUoHLsLJCw3JgQSi_ew8V7CMiPNd5tMBhdbptVqV6OasXxXy3IL3yoORDipePc8_7MY1khV-DVa4wMKyVQk7FSQXNUP5pj5yYoYL_5KgZ7tWHN1UJUYxuTzi3OD04lYeMCHvlYqQ7cA/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4357.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTgUoHLsLJCw3JgQSi_ew8V7CMiPNd5tMBhdbptVqV6OasXxXy3IL3yoORDipePc8_7MY1khV-DVa4wMKyVQk7FSQXNUP5pj5yYoYL_5KgZ7tWHN1UJUYxuTzi3OD04lYeMCHvlYqQ7cA/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4357.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Their creature could have been rocking a banana hammock.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Lenny is excited because he and Lex are going to be parents. I wish there had been a tie-in book for young readers: "Nuclear Man Has Two Daddies."<br />
<br />
Lex along with one his cronies make in onto an army base and ensure that their little science project is on board for the day's nuclear purge. Has this become a daily occurrence? It must be something that keeps happening in drips and drabs at this point because Superman shows up to throw this missile into the sun all by its lonesome. It hurtles into the sun and an embryo flies out of it, then soon evolves into the real menace of our film: Nuclear Man.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnnlFWWE9za8USezV8xjbLRQdb652nTc8FjJVDE5NCl382lEuRmq7ZJHqy6yiytTLZ_BXAeriAe8R693gMmEqmndP18iIxL96V_OhLShb6D6Qv_OAlWzB2N9Z6RerBYsLNqTt05vSvkM/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4759.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWnnlFWWE9za8USezV8xjbLRQdb652nTc8FjJVDE5NCl382lEuRmq7ZJHqy6yiytTLZ_BXAeriAe8R693gMmEqmndP18iIxL96V_OhLShb6D6Qv_OAlWzB2N9Z6RerBYsLNqTt05vSvkM/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4759.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Glam Rock: Not quite the Misfits, but whatevs. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
AND. HE. IS. FABULOUS!! I mean, look at this guy. You have that perfect male farrah hair that was so big in 80s teen movies... usually in the preppy antagonists... those stylish leather cuffs. Those perfectly manicured nails... The cape is so much more impressive than Superman's, the suit looks more latex and shinier than Superman's. This guy looks like he would be the prettiest leatherboy at Folsom Street Fair. Fun Fact: the actor was a former Chippendales Dancer.<br />
<br />
He crackles with nuclear power as he shoots like a rocket to Earth. How does he know that's where he's supposed to go? He isn't even five minutes old yet. He should be working on his object permanence first.<br />
<br />
Back on Earth, Lacy and Clark are at the gym. And even by 80s standards, Clark is in the dorkiest looking sweat suit available... with Adidas product placement. Insult to injury, his pants are tucked into his tube socks. He also has his towel tucked into his collar, which I couldn't understand why other than to make him look goofier. The better to hide his superbod was my logic. However, my boyfriend, being older and wiser and all of 12 when the 80s ended, assures me that it was totally a real thing people did in the 80s, since not all gyms had air conditioning.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACJTayKyp44CQTvtafLJSmhDk24GB6gvTvzneYBvsyzjBbWdrlYtt_SfXvvMe0HfcgnhFX6djCMXcchabKiutYBmoCJuqA_MSsUcpNZpz5rDR1nFBr_9enZB0-Y8c2zaFPBagmbK1wik/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4903.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiACJTayKyp44CQTvtafLJSmhDk24GB6gvTvzneYBvsyzjBbWdrlYtt_SfXvvMe0HfcgnhFX6djCMXcchabKiutYBmoCJuqA_MSsUcpNZpz5rDR1nFBr_9enZB0-Y8c2zaFPBagmbK1wik/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4903.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There is a third wheel here, but I have no idea who it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The pair of them soon catch the eye of one of the trainers. He has on a skintight running singlet, a lifting belt, and the tiniest pair of men's shorts you ever did see unless you've been to a Pride March... with Adidas product placement. Lacy is less than pleased to see him in a way that screams, "ex boyfriend." Brad (one of the three tried and true jerk names in 80s movies) leads Clark over to another part of the gym, calling him Clarky. Again, with the ambient gayness. Is Brad flirting with him or teasing him?<br />
<br />
He then pretty transparently tosses a weight that the ostensibly weak Clark couldn't handle and Clark falls on his ass. Brad says, "No pain, no gain," as he walks away. As someone who has had experience with trainers bothering him when he's trying to work out, let me just point out how unrealistic it is for a trainer to walk off after you mess up. That's not how you get hired on by repeat clients.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzy7eoB4RxR2WnGA-r8f5v_f8pQjevTmqxX1dIm0W84X2msoMUCCoX9rx6Gu6dvvmk43UmAK1CK5I19xZq4NWyI62v92Zid2SYaliZdfyhpdfDbBQ52w6b3GyVWNewLTNndkc4DwHGfrE/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4953.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzy7eoB4RxR2WnGA-r8f5v_f8pQjevTmqxX1dIm0W84X2msoMUCCoX9rx6Gu6dvvmk43UmAK1CK5I19xZq4NWyI62v92Zid2SYaliZdfyhpdfDbBQ52w6b3GyVWNewLTNndkc4DwHGfrE/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-4953.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's not how you get repeat clients (and/or fuck buddies), Brad.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Brad's pretty transparently a jerk, but what he does accomplishes nothing. It's bullying in its most superfluous form. Although, it teaches Lacy that she needs to have more Clarks and fewer Brads in her life. I guess that was worth Clark's humiliation? Once again, saxophones play while she has her epiphany at Clark's expense. Lacy suggests that the two of them have a double date with Lois and Superman. Even though Lois technically has an interview and not a date. Also, it's odd that she doesn't think to ask Lois first.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaM_ZUJqhT05Ugjh0aC84YTD7O_2j-YiDnzevtSh5xL4Vza0bVi7C08ZygmFqPDf27UavjMU3LZ0JAVeo26KCsxHcgyffWJpVGaQz1Rm19di3PCAVbjUYIsVYXacsTM84-cW6DGtXCN50/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaM_ZUJqhT05Ugjh0aC84YTD7O_2j-YiDnzevtSh5xL4Vza0bVi7C08ZygmFqPDf27UavjMU3LZ0JAVeo26KCsxHcgyffWJpVGaQz1Rm19di3PCAVbjUYIsVYXacsTM84-cW6DGtXCN50/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5034.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad's body language: "Hey Clarky, I want your D---!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Lacy heads to exit as she tells Clark to come early for the romantic view while there is an ADR'ed line from Brad asking Clark to hand him the weights. After he just humiliated Clark for no good reason. Man, Brad is bad at this human interaction thing. Lacy leaves and we cut back to Clark, with Brad semi reclined on a bench press, looking like he's about to proposition Clark for some sticky entanglements. Clark thoughtlessly lifts up the heaviest weight on the floor and tosses it at Brad, knocking him off the bench onto the floor flat on your back. Was Clark being petty or careless? You be the judge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAZeqHOK-8o0a8Om88j8Z6BLSWRpYCgb_WWBYulYKg5ZNDpEyYbVyZrfbKQWco2htZihLg3410QDhfd58YVirx82_1Zz-_yoYnCiycoX5bJjMaNNUuNcSX5mEi8oYbBfRv9uLAJkG6QOA/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5065.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAZeqHOK-8o0a8Om88j8Z6BLSWRpYCgb_WWBYulYKg5ZNDpEyYbVyZrfbKQWco2htZihLg3410QDhfd58YVirx82_1Zz-_yoYnCiycoX5bJjMaNNUuNcSX5mEi8oYbBfRv9uLAJkG6QOA/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5065.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">WTFuck?!?!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in LuthorLand, Lex is dancing with a Madame Pompadour cosplayer when his eldritch abomination comes home to roost at the . Lex marvels at his creation, impressed even when it speaks with his own voice (did I miss a line? was part of Lex's genetics used, too?). He is less than impressed when Nuclear Man expresses his own agency (subtext: Lex is a horrible father) and Lenny chimes in calling him, "just an experiment, freak-o." Nuclear Man uses powers that can't be explained either with solar energy, nuclear power, or Kryptonian genetics to levitate Lenny around until he apologizes. Lex's new baby is kind of an asshole. Lex manages to accidentally get things back on track by saying, "I made you. I can destroy you." Nuclear's takeaway: "Destroy Superman now!" Like father, like son, I guess...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ODciOLrofvQVinCB2itmjFnideyMOrqvzp-BcBhI5R2KyqgMzDOY68KF6bOp2BGuB9zWe0CTaZT5dL2OmSmVPSK-E7cEleWo76DhwsxBzRx_Nq0N52zPiW-ItPxwrVzFzenBUpg6EkQ/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5ODciOLrofvQVinCB2itmjFnideyMOrqvzp-BcBhI5R2KyqgMzDOY68KF6bOp2BGuB9zWe0CTaZT5dL2OmSmVPSK-E7cEleWo76DhwsxBzRx_Nq0N52zPiW-ItPxwrVzFzenBUpg6EkQ/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-5146.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Viggo The Carpathian!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Both Nuclear Man and and Lex are happy to find common ground and walk away from the window and into the shade... and suddenly he powers down, curling into a ball like an armadillo. Looks like Lex's ultimate weapon against Superman might have a wee bit of a design flaw. No, seriously, the guy doesn't just lose his power in the shade, he shuts down. It makes sense if you think about how crappy the solar powered calculators we used in elementary school were.<br />
<br />
The double date scene is every tired "two dates scheduled for the same night" scenario you've ever seen. Most of the stuff he does to facilitate this are innocuous as things go, but I got really ticked off when he uses his heat vision to burn Lois' dinner just to create a distraction. She worked long and hard on that meal, you ingrate! Not cool, Superman. The less said of this the better. NEXT!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhswfMWrB4KELIv365cnNJAXHtRDJ0tV7e4HaNz_cqlXJhlFz-HBqDfLlqtgGRnRvJ7qM6EDumAglTAWGVUqkAGR3lUOvMeCgdLlYNW-HLEHAn8eVp5ojmpbYzeZR_NGrntpuo1XTHo75w/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6204.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhswfMWrB4KELIv365cnNJAXHtRDJ0tV7e4HaNz_cqlXJhlFz-HBqDfLlqtgGRnRvJ7qM6EDumAglTAWGVUqkAGR3lUOvMeCgdLlYNW-HLEHAn8eVp5ojmpbYzeZR_NGrntpuo1XTHo75w/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6204.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lex <img alt="\approx " aria-hidden="true" class="mwe-math-fallback-image-inline" src="https://wikimedia.org/api/rest_v1/media/math/render/svg/6f58f4c2b73283ce8a5ad28fb3746f2a8c998789" style="background-color: white; border: none; display: inline-block; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; height: 1.509ex; line-height: 22.4px; margin-bottom: -0.276ex; vertical-align: 0.105ex; width: 1.819ex;" /> Cup O Noodles</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Just as I my being tired of the double date scene was lumbering into its umpteenth hour, Lex employs the same dogwhistle "nobody can hear me but you" trick he used in the first film, singing "Hello Dolly, because why not, and projecting himself onto the big digital display. I suspect he got a good rate on the screen time, considering this was before Guiliani cleaned up <strike>New York </strike>Metropolis. <br />
<br />
Of course Superman goes. Dealing with a supervillain is much more preferable that being wedged into a screwball comedy trope. Introductions to the twisted fruit of Lex's genetic tampering goes about as well as you would expect. Apparently, even with the influence of solar and nuclear energies in Nuclear Man's creation, Supes can still recognize his own DNA when he looks hard at his genetic code.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivXT15xsXQZld_sr8TOmUcveYDP4xLTLG_30AZKqEZRKz_YqmY5gvkoC9oIDhEnKw8RStzUYA6SE8lLCJGc3YqB4NjbjPHDjuVFKrjxBZJbSiqdtTGuDmOsTxs0yBOeORd9kxW24Ne7rs/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivXT15xsXQZld_sr8TOmUcveYDP4xLTLG_30AZKqEZRKz_YqmY5gvkoC9oIDhEnKw8RStzUYA6SE8lLCJGc3YqB4NjbjPHDjuVFKrjxBZJbSiqdtTGuDmOsTxs0yBOeORd9kxW24Ne7rs/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6822.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Superman: saving white people around the world. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We have a few more minutes of haughty villain/moral superiority hero dialogue before Lex finally unleashed Nuclear Man on Superman. Ye gods, as a writer I have never been happier for characters to stop talking. Nuke rams at Superman, knocking them both off the balcony. They tussle in mid-air in a manner I swear looks nothing like two guys having wrestling in bed green screened against a cityscape until they both remember they can fly. They start pinballing around the globe. First stop China where Nukey uses his powers to smash sections of the Great Wall. Our hero saves white people from falling to their deaths. Because who else are you going to save in China? Then uses his hitherto unmentioned wall building vision to rewind the footage of the destruction footage. Just... just go with it. We only have 1/3 of the movie left.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7e3pSYhCmbzlrXsUAUH8JpqJccEy8FrcZreSP620MhPQOEuz9W7gz-1HwpnM98ToE70IbnrYxSWrdxNxakl-yYdDRObiJayYtgLl-qoJtS6yCp5O0ehUUSKRwB1lN_bU2E7ey47kVDng/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6880.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7e3pSYhCmbzlrXsUAUH8JpqJccEy8FrcZreSP620MhPQOEuz9W7gz-1HwpnM98ToE70IbnrYxSWrdxNxakl-yYdDRObiJayYtgLl-qoJtS6yCp5O0ehUUSKRwB1lN_bU2E7ey47kVDng/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6880.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh no! He turned Superman into a matte painting!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They fly off into space for some more mid-air grappling, Nuclear Man somehow blows on Superman and that causes him to get encases in a giant crystal. Unencumbered, Nuke makes his way over to Italy and drills himself down into Mount Vesuvius, causing it to erupt. Because that's how volcanoes work now. For some reason, it experiences a Hawaiian eruption instead of a Plinian eruption, which just completely took me out of the film.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu7UcXScOuxs2G0EBcBdbNgFQXm8P6NcovnQ-KrfuEAhbyhMSoCRzI-VCwBrjrHQOa3ApiQpmpZCUDA5iOUE4fWjCQ5Vjg9jVG1HyN4KUGTIoZujOw7KIbsbYdp_o4lfEPHGIzTABTwMI/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6970.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu7UcXScOuxs2G0EBcBdbNgFQXm8P6NcovnQ-KrfuEAhbyhMSoCRzI-VCwBrjrHQOa3ApiQpmpZCUDA5iOUE4fWjCQ5Vjg9jVG1HyN4KUGTIoZujOw7KIbsbYdp_o4lfEPHGIzTABTwMI/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6970.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nope! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3fBXwz10cQvRPEc2UjQ2FiRNtvq4E_phn4WL6byBXEmy6MYacP8jqIszyAfBNjjzVtgvBZHDJEC-obfseq9t4x8c3mtDxbdZyvyyXZoBxZXYwqboSQM4rcmthEbVnf3BwksAyN_R7lWc/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7056.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3fBXwz10cQvRPEc2UjQ2FiRNtvq4E_phn4WL6byBXEmy6MYacP8jqIszyAfBNjjzVtgvBZHDJEC-obfseq9t4x8c3mtDxbdZyvyyXZoBxZXYwqboSQM4rcmthEbVnf3BwksAyN_R7lWc/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7056.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Double Nope!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Superman of course frees himself, stops the disaster from occurring by slicing the top off another mountain and using it to stopper Vesuvius (because Superman has never used a pressure cooker before), and rescues most stereotypical Italian paesani this side of the <i>Godfather Part II</i> and resumes pursuing his quarry.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufwv83zCGGpIDPl3vSdEehh3CBC-tTNAbDQpt5FtSv9IhXsMAtC0s3zZMsULMR9N0hV_MA3A8eT5l6ZObj-7_xnSugfN9dVY0IXBcaWRDujzBswz_HVkzoV4V1JK9tDaM1gyEZnN4oEE/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6993.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufwv83zCGGpIDPl3vSdEehh3CBC-tTNAbDQpt5FtSv9IhXsMAtC0s3zZMsULMR9N0hV_MA3A8eT5l6ZObj-7_xnSugfN9dVY0IXBcaWRDujzBswz_HVkzoV4V1JK9tDaM1gyEZnN4oEE/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-6993.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We thought this was the casting call for the Godfather Pt III.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in space, because these two love fighting on wires on a green screen, Nuclear Man displays some Wolverine action as his nails pop further out of their nail beds. Superman manages to repel him, so Nuke Man flies back to Metropolis, lifts the Statue of Liberty off her pedestal flies further inland with it and throws it at the people of <strike>Manhattan</strike> Metropolis. Superman manages to swoop in and catch it in time, but that proves to be his weakness. Even meat-headed villains like this guy know that the people are a hero's weakness... unless your name is Zach Snyer, in which case fuck the civilians.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS69Iz-S93KgSA9PgEdC7RnvQ5Po9P-mqE5Yvo6JHCwN2z9_-ImIkYBDfBLcQ5tIyWXm26nzJ6VdPWTCkSTV_Ae8DS1rY9KKHThCOtCxecKs6fxtMexpDl3_qfWdenJHaDsKfT7vb2Oks/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7414.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS69Iz-S93KgSA9PgEdC7RnvQ5Po9P-mqE5Yvo6JHCwN2z9_-ImIkYBDfBLcQ5tIyWXm26nzJ6VdPWTCkSTV_Ae8DS1rY9KKHThCOtCxecKs6fxtMexpDl3_qfWdenJHaDsKfT7vb2Oks/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7414.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look out Superman! There's a gogo boy with <br />
press-on nails on your tail! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As Superman is flying Lady Liberty back to her proper place, he is defenseless as Nuclear Man scratches him across the neck, like a little kid does fighting in the schoolyard. The scars glow red in the most PG way possible as Superman falters, barely managing to get the statue back into position before collapsing to the ground. Nuclear Man punts him like a football, sending him flying into the air and knocking off his cape, which falls on the torch of the Statue as the scene changes.<br />
<br />
Back at <i>The Daily Planet</i>, Mr. Warfield surprises Lacy by showing her to her new office, where she will hold the position of publisher. Yeah, it seems Perry White got canned off-screen. Not only does this surprise her, but finding Superman's cape on her brand new desk is quite a shocker as well. Before she has time to react, Lois runs in furious over a headline declaring Superman dead. The careful viewer will also note that the banner says "The Warfield Journal." She declares that she's quitting, and upon seeing Lacy holding Superman's cape, she snatches it away, declaring that she doesn't have the right to it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUfMhaMTAudqdlqbVJ3XIemGr3uCnQqVJf-be4fbEPgjg0DI-YQL5xf8hwgYu-k0Zza1v4tSrjy1c6FUbBsDNXoyLcC7J-xn2EwrOFCylLs087mgJxzDIS880DyeLw4Wcv5hyphenhyphenB_HLQNE/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7560.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDUfMhaMTAudqdlqbVJ3XIemGr3uCnQqVJf-be4fbEPgjg0DI-YQL5xf8hwgYu-k0Zza1v4tSrjy1c6FUbBsDNXoyLcC7J-xn2EwrOFCylLs087mgJxzDIS880DyeLw4Wcv5hyphenhyphenB_HLQNE/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7560.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lacy, the divorce clearly says that I get our son on Superman days!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Warfield tells Lacy to fire Clark too, since he hasn't been showing up to work and refers to the staff as "the help." Lacy tells her father off, or tells him to stuff it. I think as a first act of defiance, that's the equivalent of telling someone off, then she heads over to Lois' desk where she is packing and apologizes for her father's actions and commiserate over both their men being absentee.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNntrVn5IBjRMFzNrHGsMlDr7gEDjIYNrd-61UHqL_FbIc4_5TBc3UTnmf2rSMj6VNQ_yuklcY1BGKe1-KgRwgDST9bbr6troes6cZjz3BTACLGXFnC9_bva7rUZ6L7q3Q7iZCDH_Zo5k/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7702.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNntrVn5IBjRMFzNrHGsMlDr7gEDjIYNrd-61UHqL_FbIc4_5TBc3UTnmf2rSMj6VNQ_yuklcY1BGKe1-KgRwgDST9bbr6troes6cZjz3BTACLGXFnC9_bva7rUZ6L7q3Q7iZCDH_Zo5k/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-7702.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is how you journalist.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back at Clark's apartment, and yeesh, I didn't notice what a dump it is. Clark looks sickly and won't answer the door. Lois, being Lois, knows how to force the lock. Lois gives him a motivational speech of things she wishes she could tell Superman that furthers my suspicion that she knows his dual identity and she's just keeping up the ruse for his sake. And the <i>coup de grace?</i> She leaves Superman's cape with him, in case he sees him. Yeah. She knows. Incontrovertible proof.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinG5q82bEXmMECW46Y2I4gQuQpNFQ3Hg8k8FmSaqQk6oBmuWnjpS0dCbT1w_apyFVwW2VeJo6-Q1Ph-sb_DTwt0yITr14cbrfgcxv9_jYsDf9xD3_uaz_laR4LtyPL1ebdnxz6-Ge4nXw/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8035.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinG5q82bEXmMECW46Y2I4gQuQpNFQ3Hg8k8FmSaqQk6oBmuWnjpS0dCbT1w_apyFVwW2VeJo6-Q1Ph-sb_DTwt0yITr14cbrfgcxv9_jYsDf9xD3_uaz_laR4LtyPL1ebdnxz6-Ge4nXw/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8035.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Here, just in case you run into Superman... not that you've ever <br />
been in the same room with him at the same time or anything..."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Flush with cash, Lex fires his business partners, using Nuclear Man as the necessary incentive for them to get the hell out of dodge.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA-2vHuZ7L7Mb1ZUahWJfO8kPsryovKoUGbpoPJBF9eYV9DN7QHqkzaqBomVry5shAOrEGCrGhRhkeAmyH0WDNVo6-w_mdAp4PzBNq83XFCfldhRJM5-3Q39ll6VmArRYx6W-6vZFSZz0/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA-2vHuZ7L7Mb1ZUahWJfO8kPsryovKoUGbpoPJBF9eYV9DN7QHqkzaqBomVry5shAOrEGCrGhRhkeAmyH0WDNVo6-w_mdAp4PzBNq83XFCfldhRJM5-3Q39ll6VmArRYx6W-6vZFSZz0/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8250.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In my boyfriend's defense, it does look awfully phallic.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back at Clark's humble abode, he's gone from looking fluish to looking aged and emaciated, ravaged from the effects of Nuclear Man's nuclear love tap. It actually eerily reminds me of how Christopher Reeve looked in his final years. Hey, remember that talking green crystal he found in the first act? The one that told him that it's a one time only do-over pass? Yeah. That's happening. My boyfriend strongly argued that it was a suppository. He's classy like that.<br />
<br />
Back in Luthor Land, Nuclear Man sees a news paper with new publisher Lacy Warfield as the paper's headline. Because Lacy may be growing as a person, but she's still just an eensy teensy bit completely self-absorbed. Obviously, Nuke adheres to supervillain protocol and is instantly involved with the nearest plot relevant female. It's honestly pretty weak. Firstly, the fact that this would not be a front page full spread story, especially not at this stage of Lacy's arc where she's had some character growth. Secondly, the fact that Nuclear Man sees her picture once and is suddenly obsessed with one particular woman seems like the writers weren't even trying all that hard to justify keeping Lacy in the plot.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSkp4ipSBxgTTSqqr_k29f5WhKT2msov-eXNsBmWN9SNdlU-t5SWdwDl4LwQjBISjhGX9Tm34GgjWIGhgQhOBrr2TNnP82gRMhvZg4VUAoF-A1uRwfEENl9rRh0HPrd3sFjtXvbpwEh4Y/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8585.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSkp4ipSBxgTTSqqr_k29f5WhKT2msov-eXNsBmWN9SNdlU-t5SWdwDl4LwQjBISjhGX9Tm34GgjWIGhgQhOBrr2TNnP82gRMhvZg4VUAoF-A1uRwfEENl9rRh0HPrd3sFjtXvbpwEh4Y/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8585.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So powerful, he can use community theater <i>Peter Pan </i>effects.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Somehow the newly restored Superman knew who Nuclear Man was after and is standing guard at Lacy's hotel when Nuclear Man arrives, who also mysteriously knows where she lives despite being a monosyllabic illiterate. Fighting ensues. Collateral damages happens. Cars are set on fire and/or blown up. Civilians are put at risk, left suspended in mid-air with visible wires. Superman puts the civilians' lives first... because even schlock like this has more moral wherewithal behind it than <i>Man of Steel</i>, and lures Nuclear Man inside, promising to take him to her.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaE0ZfxA_sIqOmsIo6hQlvk0bAjTr6MNeYt3c2f8zSc1seJw1c9qfuQfpdgR4TIGxwaGAv1itzcyR5KDjvy5QmW5ikFPTiOo3S7dsmK7tOQaYc9Jg3FzdL4AAsKktbfe5HiDHO-XwTxrc/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8657.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaE0ZfxA_sIqOmsIo6hQlvk0bAjTr6MNeYt3c2f8zSc1seJw1c9qfuQfpdgR4TIGxwaGAv1itzcyR5KDjvy5QmW5ikFPTiOo3S7dsmK7tOQaYc9Jg3FzdL4AAsKktbfe5HiDHO-XwTxrc/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-8657.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Me no like elevators! Me like ceiling tiles!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Superman heads towards the elevator, but Nuclear Man is having none of that and just flies through the ceiling closest to the windows. Up in the penthouse suite, Superman does manage to trick him into the elevator this time. Sealed in, Nuclear Man powers down and Superman pulls the elevator car completely out of the high rise. I sure hope after saving the good people of Metropolis from Nuclear Man's assault, ripping an elevator out of the building and causing rubble to crash down from twenty stories up manages to keep them safe. So much for civilian lives...<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg_c9LXFhwO2EpV1UXfDH0R6FHOGzDA6jkgqr6LrfeAOiSNC1UfC7Fc3yf8vWhncJwFFCYBQaRbfwiJ1IYQXrvOh5ygiizpVubxztJMn4iIaikCASrqU3HjLuuA1HV30JQQYQBvk2iP5M/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg_c9LXFhwO2EpV1UXfDH0R6FHOGzDA6jkgqr6LrfeAOiSNC1UfC7Fc3yf8vWhncJwFFCYBQaRbfwiJ1IYQXrvOh5ygiizpVubxztJMn4iIaikCASrqU3HjLuuA1HV30JQQYQBvk2iP5M/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9143.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Nuclear Man SMASH puny blue man!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
What to do with his cargo? Next stop: the moon. Man, space really is our own private junk yard, sometimes. No wonder real world extra terrestrials refuse to talk to us. Superman drops off the car, but just then, the sun rises on the moon and light seeps through the elevator car, re-energizing our villain. Ye gods, movie. End, already! They fight again and for the time being Nuclear Man is victorious, hammering Superman into the moon's surface like a railroad spike. It's something straight out of a <i>Loony Toons</i> short. He makes a point of knocking over the Apollo 11 flag because it will mean something to an American audience, even though I quite suspect that the concept of national pride is beyond him. Then he flies off for whatever it was he wanted? Oh, right. Lacy.<br />
<br />
Lacy Meanwhile is trying to convince her father to turn to the ways of responsible journalism. Just then, Nuclear Man bursts through the ceiling and kidnaps her. It's very Fay Wray and King Kong.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVRPH3fLz19L0JbUub3MZnN5hoadw4KE3dNdm0_RnhnRMIdXD97CHCAuLnFWxhyphenhyphenq9BMeV94Q4CFARdzxnlXXNZovPQpWSDxIaRw_rlceyJyKCF3zTxBIko6kL8-lLHTqWDDPo02wE1mio/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9269.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVRPH3fLz19L0JbUub3MZnN5hoadw4KE3dNdm0_RnhnRMIdXD97CHCAuLnFWxhyphenhyphenq9BMeV94Q4CFARdzxnlXXNZovPQpWSDxIaRw_rlceyJyKCF3zTxBIko6kL8-lLHTqWDDPo02wE1mio/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9269.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Because symbolism!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Superman, in the meanwhile has freed himself from his moonrocky prison, resets the moonlanding flag and goes off to save the day. He shoves the moon into the path of the sun, powering down Nuclear Man, allowing him an opportunity to rescue Lacy, who manages not to implode when Nuclear Man flies out into the cold of space with her. Then he takes his helpless foe, fly him down to a nuclear energy plant, drop him into a silo and he falls seamlessly into an open hatch on a reactor, hyper-charging power for the entire city. Mission Accomplished.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkkRLN7OebpWJJjCkqvZQz1otHG7sbZIkDOx-1eNhzz5txBopuKghRTQfB1VTDF0bpWMucYRC3_bKbckjM9ZlKeI7eq7XhZfBvSODnfZEfaO8gSqyVtIDLq-KAjbMUjLipgloDu0AetvU/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkkRLN7OebpWJJjCkqvZQz1otHG7sbZIkDOx-1eNhzz5txBopuKghRTQfB1VTDF0bpWMucYRC3_bKbckjM9ZlKeI7eq7XhZfBvSODnfZEfaO8gSqyVtIDLq-KAjbMUjLipgloDu0AetvU/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9404.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Remember to dispose of your nuclear waste of a character<br />
responsibly.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back at <i>The Daily Planet, </i>Perry White is back and the company's original masthead is being restored. I know, this was the subplot we were all sitting on the edge of our seats over, right? Perry has bought all the miscellaneous shares of the company and forced out Warfield. Thus ends the subplot that nobody wanted, needed, or cared about. No mention is made of Lacy. She fell off the movie. Next thing's next, our intrepid reporters are present outside the <i>Planet</i> for a press conference with Superman, who apologizes for facilitating this stupid plot and manages to telegraph the obvious theme in case anyone's brains shut down as a method of safeguarding themselves for most of the film.<br />
<br />
For some reason, despite his press conference effectively being this film's thesis statement and would have actually been a nice place to end the feature, the film decides to follow up on Lex and Lenny. Lenny bafflingly gets dropped off at a Boys Town orphanage, where he is taken in sight unseen by priest who is either an anachronistic and formally dressed Catholic or possibly Byzantine/Eastern Orthodox (which I also doubt due to the severe lack of a kickass beard), based on the attire. Superman neither checks to see if Lenny has parents nor drops him off at a juvenile detention facility, which probably been choice number one. Of course, considering the actor was upwards of 21 at the time of filming, maybe just plain old jail with his Uncle Lex should have also been up for consideration.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Noz7NrK9QgayLl5B2YX0TlCXbB5gE4JaKZ6dZ6rIgxDVzRO4YAxzU8c1iEpPW_Kxp_jzokc3eAO2DYOpCXioejGJgQYBMPj9-IMU52aUj5zd3bvOoOgTNBDgfWlXxajq2meoWhmHy8Y/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9892.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8Noz7NrK9QgayLl5B2YX0TlCXbB5gE4JaKZ6dZ6rIgxDVzRO4YAxzU8c1iEpPW_Kxp_jzokc3eAO2DYOpCXioejGJgQYBMPj9-IMU52aUj5zd3bvOoOgTNBDgfWlXxajq2meoWhmHy8Y/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-9892.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Fresh meat? We'll take him."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Speaking of which, when Lex is dropped off at prison (an increasingly repetitive and anticlimactic way of wrapping up a Lex story in these films), his fellow inmates are whistling <i>Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. </i>If you wrack your brains for important things from the first ten minutes of the film, which is three agonizing eternities ago at this point, you might remember that this was set up as a call back. But honestly, does anyone care at this point?<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimT1g_sblSxO4NavNST2ngbklFSkXVIOekLmikWoHOX_2eurrIWBWD3xizChY8RIaLoI8UbrC6aHrrw3b5WSk7f4cRgOEAF-X8KDw2paUuQXuRe0iuqZRqdMJWqbNo5Tw1bckSMk3rOVI/s1600/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-10037.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimT1g_sblSxO4NavNST2ngbklFSkXVIOekLmikWoHOX_2eurrIWBWD3xizChY8RIaLoI8UbrC6aHrrw3b5WSk7f4cRgOEAF-X8KDw2paUuQXuRe0iuqZRqdMJWqbNo5Tw1bckSMk3rOVI/s320/superman4-movie-screencaps.com-10037.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Surprisingly a good shot. I'd make it my wallpaper for a week.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Superman flies over the Earth as the Sun crests past the planet as the credits roll. The End.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to lie. This was rough. For the purposes of the blog, I had to sit through this film a solid 4 times and it was a slog every time. I almost want to judge my parents for letting me watch this at a young age because it should have come with a surgeon general's warning. Much like cigarettes, I'm fairly certain this movie took 10 years off my life. I mainly focus on cohesiveness of story and characterization. Had I focused on special effects, this could have gone on a lot longer. Possibly indefinitely. This movie had no budget and it showed. <br />
<br />
The sad thing was that this was a labor of love that was doomed before production even started. Christopher Reeve was deeply invested in restoring Superman to the former glory of the Donner era and had a strong hand in the development of the story. You'll notice that you have a less than subtle hand weaving in the themes that dominate the narrative, which were Reeve's contribution, such as Cold War anxiety, nuclear arms race fear, and the evils of the corporate media. Yes, it was a bit of a passion project that might have skewed a bit too leftist for a character who is supposed to be just ever so slightly left of center, but I'll give it props for its passion.<br />
<br />
The script on its own does have its problems. Even when Lacy works within the film (which I'll generously say is about 40-60% of her screen time, she feels incredibly extraneous to the plot. I honestly think she would have worked better as a character in a more serialized format. She does grow and change through her relations with Clark and Lois, but she's at best tangential to the Superman narrative. Nuclear Man could have kidnapped a mannequin for all it mattered. More to the point, she comes at the expense of screen time with Lois. There's still a spark of chemistry between Lois and Superman, and Lois and Clark too, even if Lois swears to the contrary. But with Lacy getting the rounded out emotional arc, Lois basically has two things to do in this film: firstly, engage in corporate office politics that the viewer doesn't care about, and secondly to sit in state as the high priestess of the church of Superman. She is all about being his cheerleader in this movie and there are at least 3 instances where her devotion takes on beatific undertones. Meanwhile, the Luthors are silly but don't really do much to affect the narrative after their creation overtakes their role as antagonists. And sadly, he has all the personality and charm of a cylinder block.<br />
<br />
However, the script issues honestly would have been admissible (the Donnerverse Superman movies are all pretty corny by today's standards), if not for the production troubles. Like I said this was doomed before the word "go" because the producers of the first three films, the Salkinds, sold the rights to Superman to Golan-Globus' Cannon Group, Inc. Don't know who they are? I think you'd recognize them on-site. They were infamous producers of schlock renowned for producing low-to-medium-budget films. Perhaps you've seen one of their incredibly inexpensive live-action adaptations of various Grimm's Fairy Tales. The ones that managed to get 1 good actor (either through calling in favors or blackmail) to round out a cast full of crap. That was Cannon. Perhaps you are familiar with camp classics such as <i>Masters of the Universe</i> or <i>The Apple</i>. Also these guys. The one bonafide success in their filmography as far as I'm aware is <i>Highlander</i>.<br />
But that was an achievement in which the production's reach didn't exceed its grasp and had a budget relative to the scope of the production.<br />
<br />
In contrast, every department of production was severely slashed from what it once had in the prior installments, but what was expected to meet the same quality. Based on interviews, Reeve went on record as saying that the film was treated no differently than the nearly 30 other productions going on at that time. Thirty productions at various stages of production. Concurrently. It certain explains why the film didn't give it the attention it required despite the successful franchise being a major "get." It's also surprising because the acquisition of Superman was supposedly meant to herald a new era of major budget productions for the film studio, but unfortunately the studio was unable to put their money where their mouth is. If you're interested, I suggest checking out <i>Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films</i>, which you can currently find streaming on Netflix.<br />
<br />
Another interesting bit of apocrypha that my boyfriend insists that I share with you all is an absolute gem that hit the cutting room floor. Aside from Lacy and Letter Writing Boy actually having character arc conclusions in the cut scenes, there is also possibly my favorite thing ever: the first Nuclear Man. Yeah, it looks like Played by Clive Mantle, he was supposed to resemble Bizarro, but he comes across as Ozzy Osbourne in heavy goth makeup. And everything about these scenes are pure comic gold. The music in the scenes leaves no doubt that you are watching a comedic routine and I find it purely, delightfully batshit fun. I don't think it would have necessarily <i>improved </i>the film, but it could have been kept in the film instead of such useless padding at the double date, the Smallville scene, etc.<br />
<br />
I feel like the next time I revisit the world of moving pictures, I will still be working my way through a Superman backlog. But what to do? There is still Superman Returns, and the Snyder abominations if I want to stick to the theme of bad Superman films. Or I could do something different. Something that could be more easily digestible in 42 minute increments. Possibly with either Allison Mack or a Desperate Housewife... Hm...<br />
<br />
Next week, however, I know this will come as a bit of a shock, but I'll be recapping yet another issue of <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i>... Ye gods, who thought this story needed 12 issues?!katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-58631917209302962762016-06-10T10:24:00.001-07:002016-06-10T10:34:35.178-07:00DC's Latest Do-Over: A Running Commentary<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3uHOwLtq9qcsKbz0oysnI9RdhK6zB2fHV9Ie_hZbiYHtBIkqrcCTKKZPm7AQxpvk0yzT7SPerNGVyYyhaxoPoNz8oZR1Zd5o1xp3U0UOAXjNUPaxR9zFq2fYEUu502vpdSHGVdxwjMA/s1600/rebirth+%25231.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY3uHOwLtq9qcsKbz0oysnI9RdhK6zB2fHV9Ie_hZbiYHtBIkqrcCTKKZPm7AQxpvk0yzT7SPerNGVyYyhaxoPoNz8oZR1Zd5o1xp3U0UOAXjNUPaxR9zFq2fYEUu502vpdSHGVdxwjMA/s400/rebirth+%25231.jpg" /></a><br />
This is a quick and painless entry. No frills, very short and to the point. Just me typing up my <i>DC Universe Rebirth #1</i>. When DC completely rebooted their continuity in 2011, it was a vexed endeavor. It was an event that was meant to reset continuity and create familiar, easily accessible entry points for new readers to jump on-board. However, in the process, it alienated the existing fanbase by its exclusion and/or erasure of characters, as well as important character arcs, backstories, and relationships that had become important to DC's various properties since whatever metric editor-in-chief Dan Didio used to determine what the classic version of the characters were. This metric was incredibly haphazard. For instance, in the pages of <i>Green Arrow</i>, Ollie and Dinah don't even know each other, but his ward had already been trained and was off on his own and running with a renegade group of anti-heroes at the start of the New 52 relaunch. <i>Action Comics</i> had a version of Superman starting off in Metropolis wearing a very plainclothes costume with a Superman tee (because those would exist in a pre-Superman world), who wasn't associated with <i>The Daily Planet</i>, had no romantic attachment to Lois and instead ends up with Wonder Woman. You know, classic Superman. Over in <i>Justice League</i>, one of its core founding members and the one most consistent overall members, Martian Manhunter, was excluded and his slot was filled by Cyborg, who was never a Teen Titans (a team whose New 52 continuity was a mess in its own right, but had been mostly addressed in Titans Hunt). Then there's the Batman family of titles. For the most part, the Batfamily's continuity remained intact, but where it erred, it did so in really upsetting ways. Near as I can tell, in one fell swoop it eliminated two female characters from the Batfamily, one of whom was Stephanie Brown, a fan favorite. This was done so that Barbara Gordon could be the classic Batgirl again. Of course, that meant removing Oracle, Barbara's then-current identity from existence and thus obviating DC's most prominent character with disabilities from their catalog of characters. It also greatly decreased Barbara's agency, considering how central Oracle became to the DC Universe.<br />
<br />
These barely scratch the surface of all the confounding changes that the New 52. The most important for the purpose of this entry, however, is that Wally West has been absent. Oh, they attempted to introduce an incredibly different character as Wally West, whose characterization, aside from the name and becoming a speedster, doesn't resemble Wally at all. Naturally, fans were not amused.<br />
<br />
And with that bit of background out of the way, I can begin my run-down.<br />
<ul>
<li>Wally West is back. Yay! </li>
<li>In his Kid Flash costume. #YoungJusticeFeels! </li>
<li>It looks like Wally being stuck in the Speedforce is our framing device and the first stop is the Batcave. So far, so good. </li>
<li>All Wally needs is for one person to remember him. Or else, he's gonna die? This is gonna hurt, isn't it? </li>
<li>So, the Justice Society IS part of the main continuity, now? Okay, DC. Let's see how you feel about your multiverse next reboot. </li>
<li>Was the Legion of Superheroes not in the New 52 or did they just never interacted with the present timeline? </li>
<li>If we are in Wally's POV and he's being drawn to characters with whom he has a prior connection, why are we seeing Maggie Sawyer? </li>
<li>Superman's missing? He might be dead? Oh, no. I'm so invested in the apparent death of a character who is central to DC's line and we'll never see him again. I'll light a candle for him.</li>
<li>Ray Palmer is stuck in the Microverse. Did DC procure rights to the Micronauts? </li>
<li>I'm assuming every character I'm unfamiliar with in this series is previously established, since this event exists to fix the New 52's erasures. </li>
<li>The Blue Beetle's scarab is magic and not extra terrestrial tech again. Sure, why not? </li>
<li>A black, gay Aqualad? Ye gods, I can only imagine the complaints of pandering and/or tokenism on the message boards. Sigh... </li>
<li>I don't know who Pandora is, but she and Rachel Grey/Summers go to the same tattoo artist. </li>
<li>Wonder Woman has a twin brother? We're getting even further away from her original origin story and I'm okay with that. </li>
<li>Supergirl is right where I left her 18 issues into the New 52. Still wearing an awesome cape and a unitard with an S-shield guarding her vag. </li>
<li>Yes, it's okay to fix the Green Arrow/Black Canary relationship now that Worst Canary has been killed off on the live action show. </li>
<li>Pre-Flashpoint Lois and Clark are here. Plus a son. I guess you have to take the good with the meh, sometimes. </li>
<li>A guy in a cloak and carrying a scythe named <strike>The Grim Reaper</strike> Mr. Oz(?) tells Clark that he and his family are not what they think they are. Considering they know they're from another reality, you'd think they'd know Clark is Superman. Whoever made that arrangement lacks common sense. </li>
<li>Aquaman proposes to Mera. I did not realize they weren't already married in this timeline. </li>
<li>Linda doesn't recognize Wally. My soul is crushed. </li>
<li>Yeah, that put Wally in freefall. I'm glad they didn't do more than a couple panels of Vic and Dick not recognizing him is probably more than I could bare. </li>
<li>So, the elephant in the room is the other Wally West. At least they explain him away as Iris' nephew from another sibling and they were both named after the same ancestor. That sort of thing happens a lot in my family. </li>
<li>And yet it's still terrible. With both a Flash and a Kid Flash covered, all he cares about is no Linda. :( </li>
<li>And finally, we reach Barry Allen. Wally seems resigned to the fact that even Barry won't recognized him since his own personal lightening rod didn't, but wants to say his farewells anyway. </li>
<li>They took six pages between Wally appearing to Barry and the final payoff. And IT. WAS. WORTH. IT. The highlight of the issue thus far beyond the shadow of a doubt. If you aren't crying by the time Wally finishes his farewell speech, you certainly are once Barry pulls him out of the Speedforce and embraces him like a son. I'm glad they took their time and used compressed storytelling to it utmost in this sequence. </li>
<li>And they follow up that perfect moment by showing a montage of Barry's memories, rattling off info we already know. You tried, Rebirth #1... </li>
<li>Wally is suddenly forgetting part of his history now that he's out of the Speedforce and in reality. My guess is whatever is effecting the others is effecting him and his time as the Flash is still going to be extra-canonical for a while. </li>
<li>Wally is certain that Flashpoint wasn't Barry's fault. It seems more accurately like it was *clearly* his fault. It's the New 52 reality that isn't Barry's fault. </li>
<li>And Batman finds the Comedian's button lodged into the walls of the Batcave. Sigh... I feel a rant formulating, but for now suffice to say I am not down with the idea of the characters of Watchmen existing in the DCU, or at least as they were presented in <i>The Watchmen</i> graphic novel. </li>
<li>The issue ends on Mars, where a broken wristwatch begins levitating in mid-air. It is implied to be Wally's based on the inscription. The unseen force (cough cough Dr. Manhattan cough cough) disassembles and reassembles it, getting it working. We pan in on the clock until it turns into the clock image featured throughout <i>The Watchmen</i>. </li>
</ul>
<br />
Overall, despite my issues with the final moments of this issue, it's a great set-up. I do have issues when it deviates from Wally's POV, but that's minor. I'm wondering how well if at all The Watchmen will work in the DCU. They are so very much of a bleak crapsack universe and such an evocative, singular narrative that I wonder if the characters will feel diminished when inserted into the mainstream DCU. Dan and Laurie I could see being folded into continuity, albeit they'd get lost in the shuffle of DC's thousands of characters. Ozymandias, and Comedian, and Rorschach I honestly think would be more interesting as broken heroes gone villain. I know this book is highly suggesting that Dr. Manhattan caused the New 52 problems, and I'd buy it provided he's not an outright villain. I'd honestly be more interested to see him take on an Adam Warlock affect, where he's reached a plain of existence where human morality and concerns simply do not register compared to the greater workings of the universe, which he was very much split on in the graphic novel. katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-71528218227133583522016-06-08T04:10:00.000-07:002016-06-08T05:43:45.993-07:00The Evil League of Evil<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTorWhDhDZVsGvxz-BcQtkIJXnslVu_tsQwvQpnhDbJyHm0fcVm48LDV63xFZ2hyphenhyphenHbnlSy8RHhQQNEgX6zxYMqc91rBfr3eBStX_Qwpa-oU7W651wUqgqujwDJREWnGB_MAsC_SoD3a2g/s1600/20160521_021714000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTorWhDhDZVsGvxz-BcQtkIJXnslVu_tsQwvQpnhDbJyHm0fcVm48LDV63xFZ2hyphenhyphenHbnlSy8RHhQQNEgX6zxYMqc91rBfr3eBStX_Qwpa-oU7W651wUqgqujwDJREWnGB_MAsC_SoD3a2g/s400/20160521_021714000_iOS.png" width="222" /></a>After the past two issues, I had almost grown complacent, hoping that Marv Wolfman and George Perez had reached a new plateau in their storytelling. Alas, though, this latest issue shows us that we may have perhaps been on a brief reprieve. Or was it? I think this issue manages to relapse into being all over the place, but it still manages to maintain a focus in a manner that really shifts the reader's vantage point in a way that hasn't been explored in the series up until now. While, this issue reverts to form by being all over the place in terms of action, locations, etc., one could argue that in terms of narrative and perspective, this is perhaps the most focused issue yet.<br />
<br />
The cover of issue #9 of <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths</i> is basically a team shot, villains edition. They're in a big stampede, with Brainiac's skull ship dominating the background and Lex Luthor leading the charge in the foreground. I don't have all that much to say about it because... well, half these guys are either really unfamiliar to me or I simply don't recognize them in their current designs. And there are a lot of villains. Maybe too many. I get that the creative team wanted to convey just how much of an impressive team of baddies that has been mustered, but it looks like the attempt to squeeze in as many as possible made it look a little messy.<br />
<br />
We open up on Oa, home of the Guardians of the Universe, aka the little blue space jerks that are best known for quibbling over parliamentary procedure and being the Green Lantern Corps' bosses. It's here that we also meet for the first time in this event the literally red-headed stepchild of the Green Lantern characters, Guy Gardner. Going into this series, I have something of a frame of reference for him. The first trade paperback I ever read was <i>The Death of Superman, </i>where he was a member in the included issues of <i>Justice League America</i>. Additionally, Geoff Johns included him in some of the GL stories of his I've read, including <i>Green Lantern Rebirth.</i> Most importantly, this:<br />
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In-universe, Guy is the Green Lantern everyone can agree on... not liking. He is to Hal Jordan and John Stewart what US Agent is compared to Captain America. Both are still heroic characters, but filtered through the zeitgeist of the Reagan era which accentuated some more negative traits that goes with it. Such as jingoism, American exceptionalism and toxic masculinity. But where the contrast between Captain America and US Agent created an interesting discourse on what it means to be a hero representating of a nation's idealism, Guy compared to the other GL's more or less comes off as a bit of a jerkass and a cocky hothead. Although, I have a thing for jerkass heroes, as they tend to get a lot of the best lines (see also: Damian Wayne, Emma Frost, Namor).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guy Gardner: Most Stylish GL.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It seems the Guardians, having previously offered Guy a position with the Corps are doing so again specifically to help deal with the events of <i>Crisis</i>. Guy declares that he always wanted the ring and confidently declares that no evil will escape his sight, as is the wont of any self-respecting corps member. It makes me wonder what has happened to John Stewart to necessitate giving Guy a ring (John's ring?) Sometimes it's easy to forget since I'm reading this series on its own 30 years out from its publication that it was still running concurrently to DC's regular ongoing titles.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So much for new hire orientation...</td></tr>
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It's interesting to note that while John was basically wearing the same suit that Hal wore, Guy has a bit more flare. He's wearing a black-gray unitard with a thick turtleneck collar, chunky boots, gloves, and belt all three of which are accented by what look like either buckles or pouches (excessive buckles and pouches are to the late 80s/90s what needless piping is to today's design issues), and the bringing the look together is an emerald green sleeveless double-breasted bomber jacket with a GL emblem in the center. I won't lie, I like the jacket, but the other touches seem a little pointless. The suit is just a construct of the GL ring. Why are there so many buckles in a suit that doesn't actually require closures? The form isn't following the function when a function is non-existent. Also, a turtleneck? Seriously? Did he just happen to leave directly from a coffee house poetry reading? But this is fine. Silly, but fine. We are definitely moving closer to the ridiculous redesigns we'll see in the 90's but we aren't quite at ninjas wearing cyber battle armor quite yet..<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How do we know Ganthet<br />
didn't arrange their deaths <br />
to do away with <br />
pointless bureaucracy?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Guy's hasn't been inducted for a whole minute when a blast of energy coming from the darkness beyond Oa hits the planet with pinpoint accuracy, turning GL headquarters to rubble and dust. Guy, having survived his first full minute in the corps, is shocked to find that the Guardians are dead, having believed them immortal. One managed to survive, he goes unnamed, but due to his prominence in GL lore, I'd say he's probably Ganthet. He basically says, and I'm paraphrasing, "yes we're immortal, so any force that can kill all but one of us is a nigh-insurmountable force to be reckoned with. Enjoy your first (suicide) mission.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-jUM5neef9-sc5Bl173H5FrzZoUEATI6QAtzek68i1FdNbKsDetsMNu8y_zYAVWmHQMA4wkppIQ7v_eUZCudAsIYw_W0W76xIQo0YzecqtiPCYcAptWN_J7wTj4a4jpp3EliDa1mqHVI/s1600/20160521_021816000_iOS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-jUM5neef9-sc5Bl173H5FrzZoUEATI6QAtzek68i1FdNbKsDetsMNu8y_zYAVWmHQMA4wkppIQ7v_eUZCudAsIYw_W0W76xIQo0YzecqtiPCYcAptWN_J7wTj4a4jpp3EliDa1mqHVI/s400/20160521_021816000_iOS.jpg" width="311" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a redux of the cover.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I'd argue that the issue gets a little sloppy whenever this issue turns to the united league of villains, and you can pretty much take it as read at this point that the creative team is plowing through important plot points in order to position the greater DCU into where it needs to be for the sake of the event. However, because of this, it's also where the issue gets a little madcap, which is always fun. We find ourselves inside Brainiac's bigheadship, where T.O. Morrow is the last person to arrive at the party, having been teleported from the Watchtower and the entire guest list consists of villains. All the villains. All of them.<br />
<br />
Running the background of the major events of the previous three issues, we've been seeing all these less-than-morally upright characters vanish into thin air, but the demands of a world ending crisis event has kept the heroes from pursuing or sometimes even noticing the disappearances. Finally, we get to see the fruits of this slow-burn of a plot point. They have all been assembled by Brainiac and Lex Luthor with the sole goal of, what else, taking over the world! All five of them!<br />
<br />
On a sidenote, it's quite honestly equal parts baffling and amusing to see a version of Lex whose business cards clearly lead with "supervillain/mad scientist" in big bold letters and wears green and purple power armor complete with an ornate Egptian-style skirt. I think his post-<i>Crisis</i> reinvention by John Byrne crystalized him as a savvy legitimate corporate businessman (and later politician) who pull the strings at a distance and never gets his hands dirty. Pre-crisis Lex might as well be disco dancing in a rhinestone studded leisure suit for how charmingly retro he feels.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ev-5moIrvFozADvCzMeMjs2vLNAZ2StZLA5ZvyUP70hzKRLCVueHBlpkQOYH_Cj4mZw4F1odTbnDDIkCwJQDJtX_nZuA5pjV7kRlIMMxbFqEx9HSPmf9y9jw1G0CIUK9X5lFOHUFH-o/s1600/20160521_021852000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2ev-5moIrvFozADvCzMeMjs2vLNAZ2StZLA5ZvyUP70hzKRLCVueHBlpkQOYH_Cj4mZw4F1odTbnDDIkCwJQDJtX_nZuA5pjV7kRlIMMxbFqEx9HSPmf9y9jw1G0CIUK9X5lFOHUFH-o/s320/20160521_021852000_iOS.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alexie Luthor is about to get ejected from...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcg0zrxCzDuRAh9XO3AB3ilMKoTSGDN0jwLkFMsE32E-2Zshb4jcqeqaRB2dfcpnjZZP4JjFLVCTj_Ln9fHqZB2P4F_RwgYoDg18branD4120Bsfd7dB-LtPXTPGq0Vvx5hiM7eHG_pVs/s1600/20160521_021855000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcg0zrxCzDuRAh9XO3AB3ilMKoTSGDN0jwLkFMsE32E-2Zshb4jcqeqaRB2dfcpnjZZP4JjFLVCTj_Ln9fHqZB2P4F_RwgYoDg18branD4120Bsfd7dB-LtPXTPGq0Vvx5hiM7eHG_pVs/s320/20160521_021855000_iOS.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">... The No Homers Club</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
When the Lex of Earth-2, who still has his hair but none of his sartorial flair questions who put Earth-1 Lex in charge, claiming he could out-science him and they don't need him, Brainiac concludes that he makes a logical argument that they don't need two Lex Luthors. It does not end well for red head Lex. On the one hand, it's an effective way to get everyone on-board, but on the other hand, destroying members of your talent pool just to make an example of him is just going to end up causing friction that will end up biting them in the ass. The last remaining Lex begins to dish out the plan as we cut to a different space-faring vessel...<br />
<br />
A Tamaranian space Captain Karras and first mate/yeoman/possible sexual partner, Taryia are prepping for Koriand'r, aka Starfire, and two of her teammates from the Teen Titans to be beamed aboard. From what I can tell, from reading the first 9 or 10 issues of New Teen Titans, Tamaranians are the Deltans from <i>Star Trek The Motion Picture</i> spliced with Flash Gordon design aesthetics and given a fire/solar power gimmick. What that basically means is that they are sensual, relatively lack boundary issues, wear wacky space opera apparel, and can shoot energy beams... or at least Starfire can because she was experimented on.<br />
<br />
Oh, right, that's probably important. Starfire was the princess of her people but was basically sold into slavery to spare her people from the terrors of a superior conquering force, who proceeded to make a test subject out of her, and I think heavily implied to have used her for sex, so I can't see a reunion with her people, who allowed those kind of violations as yielding a lot of fond memories. The captain and his buxom lieutenant hint at some very important responsibility that Kory will have when they arrive at their homeworld, but just leave that hanging for the time being.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_56axf7_xQki7tvtf5I-y6i1A_ZqcWgMjA_FMAu5rt5UtvCBvIXseL2mtPbMYxqktOji36EAr_2rkt_pntmOu4YYgdzcemZ1cvSFiJBMBdYfSEuScqAWhBfugKMl4iSnhTzNAj2M-zwc/s1600/Capture2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_56axf7_xQki7tvtf5I-y6i1A_ZqcWgMjA_FMAu5rt5UtvCBvIXseL2mtPbMYxqktOji36EAr_2rkt_pntmOu4YYgdzcemZ1cvSFiJBMBdYfSEuScqAWhBfugKMl4iSnhTzNAj2M-zwc/s320/Capture2.JPG" width="232" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, I looked these two up--<br />
they're totally doing it off-panel.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In short order, Starfire, along with her teammates, Nightwing and Jericho. It's funny that the Tamaranians are very much cosplaying Flash Gordon but playing with Star Trek toys because that teleporter effect? Yeah, that borders on copyright infringement, complete with the rounded appearance of a Starfleet teleporter pad and kirby dots taking the place of the crystaline effect of Trek's transporters. I bet the longer you hang with the Tamaranians, the more you'll come to realize that they really are just a jumble of homages to other space-faring sci-fi properties.<br />
<br />
It would be shameful of me not to point out that Nightwing is in his infamous first costume after changing superhero personas, which despite first appearing in the mid-80's is spectacularly disco. Not many men can pull off a deep V-neck AND the arch cowl from a Bela Lugosi Dracula cape, but Dick Grayson found a way. Although, with an ass like his, you can get away with a lot worse. I'm not quite as familiar with Jericho, but basically, he's the son of the probably New Teen Titan's most famous antagonist/uneasy ally/frenemy, Deathstroke the Terminator. He's mute (I think his throat was slashed during his childhood, which was probably pretty rough based on his pedigree), has possession and/or astral projection powers, can really pull of a killer mutton chops/jewfro combo, and dresses like he LARPs as a cleric. Oh, and I'm fairly certain his character met with both figurative and literal character assassination in the 90s because the 90s are why we can't have nice things.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyxbDkZXbotnTu5DPn7OEhFbtJeRjLYT6abA8RU6LqRTjP2mvJzfB37HwVf865XQzuArNAilKS2sXrNJZHek-NKlWUvVyjxSgkdZd6ee4JZC-8pmokz5svA1Q5n52Y2F9nPUuGa1gDWQ/s1600/20160521_021913000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAyxbDkZXbotnTu5DPn7OEhFbtJeRjLYT6abA8RU6LqRTjP2mvJzfB37HwVf865XQzuArNAilKS2sXrNJZHek-NKlWUvVyjxSgkdZd6ee4JZC-8pmokz5svA1Q5n52Y2F9nPUuGa1gDWQ/s400/20160521_021913000_iOS.png" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Maybe it's not that she's open, <br />
but that Dick was raised by Bruce Wayne.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Kory seems quite thrilled to be going home to the planet and family that sold her into human bondage with implied sexual implications and happily introduces Nightwing to the captain, whom I am guessing she just met, as her lover. Dick is taken aback, having forgotten how open and expressive Tamaranians are about intimate matters. It's adorably awkward. Also, I suppose it makes sense that he'd forget about that fact, since no doubt Kory has adapted to how she interacts with humans in the five years since she debuted, but can easily slip back into her instinctive manner of behavior when among her own people.<br />
<br />
In hushed tones, but still heard by Jericho (does muteness give you superhearing <i>a la</i> Daredevil?) Taryia tells Arras that Kory must know, if she plans on taking her lover along. Because taking her platonic friend along apparently doesn't mandate transparency. Poor Jericho. The third wheel isn't even worth acknowledging, let alone factoring into making considerations.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, back on <i>terra firma</i>, Cyborg and Firehawk, fresh off the exploding Red Tornado debacle, are flying/leaping across Manhattan until the finally meet up with the rest of the Teen Titans, Wonder Girl, Kole, Changeling on a rooftop. Their conversation as they make their approach belies the fact that the provisional stability the five Earths have are not without their problems, as part of NYC seems to be in more flux than usual. There is a part of the city being referred to as the "Warp Zone," as 1984 was a hot minute before Nintendo permanently added the term to our collective subconscious.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCXd97fxcJ615KswOADBxSdZDDyfiNu9O_gtIdWGoP3UZCG-pAD9MKUVfizag25fhYozLZtqWhwp73bFxXE4ge_TocIwqL3fdxiiOHmeCYBJrUL52NfNTps1WjL3nYb0rSUvG9Tnv_KxY/s1600/20160521_022009000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCXd97fxcJ615KswOADBxSdZDDyfiNu9O_gtIdWGoP3UZCG-pAD9MKUVfizag25fhYozLZtqWhwp73bFxXE4ge_TocIwqL3fdxiiOHmeCYBJrUL52NfNTps1WjL3nYb0rSUvG9Tnv_KxY/s320/20160521_022009000_iOS.png" width="276" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will there also be maps to the dinosaurs' homes?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
On Earth-1, however, the Warp Zone is a place where the timey wimey stuff from earlier in the event is still happening. Dinosaurs and Zeppelins roam the land in this area where time is in flux, as we are informed amusingly in a page full of DC's science luminaries being interviewed with questions by DC's reporters. Surprisingly enough, the two most interesting interactions are from an evil pr reporter a good guy, whom we haven't seen the last of this issue. They both ask questions that in one way or another shows that maybe their head isn't in a place of well-balanced journalism. Jack Ryder's asking how a time anomaly will effect the crime element is a bit baffling, but Bethany Snow asks a a roboticist about the anomaly, a field that is outside his purview, and then getting smug about his inability to field her question. Yeah, that's one way to gain the trust of the viewing public. Guess which one is the bad guy. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirFuQomZaoOU-uRWcTOyVyfsci9c3TpEx8zCiKHZbtROBXbK7de-KkDhF0TIiZeCbezVkpDV4S0BgS0Z0lrWqeHHXyNakC8l9YFeRMyaMXLmM3xc-N5R5JUM_LrhfC8dCIP6kN9MjblnY/s1600/20160606_003425000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirFuQomZaoOU-uRWcTOyVyfsci9c3TpEx8zCiKHZbtROBXbK7de-KkDhF0TIiZeCbezVkpDV4S0BgS0Z0lrWqeHHXyNakC8l9YFeRMyaMXLmM3xc-N5R5JUM_LrhfC8dCIP6kN9MjblnY/s320/20160606_003425000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Journalism at its finest.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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In the grand scheme of this event, that's probably small potatoes, but since the New Teen Titans collectively are the protagonist on this issues B plot (note how little time I've thus far devoted to the main plot), we are concerned by Wonder Girl's husband being somewhere in the newly minted Anachronism District.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWglUZTTb_QMpkI8lLT9DY3-QiCZ6wMnR-3HYhDyIq3Vwwnda28SfyDXqYjEIU6bmBVXkWUJ6zG__WBCsTBD9RiJZ3zp44agCtGnknYWQRutHUoAT-7LDhiNTnvDco8hi8AfEIa-kI5KQ/s1600/20160606_003444000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWglUZTTb_QMpkI8lLT9DY3-QiCZ6wMnR-3HYhDyIq3Vwwnda28SfyDXqYjEIU6bmBVXkWUJ6zG__WBCsTBD9RiJZ3zp44agCtGnknYWQRutHUoAT-7LDhiNTnvDco8hi8AfEIa-kI5KQ/s320/20160606_003444000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Consider your choices, 'Hawk...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Firehawk convinces Wonder Girl to let her keep her company in the search for her husband, Terry. Gar hits on Firehawk as they fly off. The two bond over the fact that Changeling and Firestorm are girl crazy. Even though Firehawk admits that on Firestorm, it works for her. Different strokes, as they say... Although, I really wish the caption as they fly off didn't tell the reader to follow their story in the next issue of Firestorm, I wish they'd accidentally ended up going to Earth-7642 (the DC/Marvel crossover Earth) and made friends with the Danielle Moonstar of this era, because Sunspot was similarly awful/wonderful in his youth. Although, bare in mind Changeling and Sunspot are still young enough in this era that you can chock it up to immaturity. Firestorm is a college student in this era. And a college student in 1984-- an actual adult. Ergo, I maintain that Firestorm is the worst.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Clark Kent is reporting the news... and it's only now that I realize just how weird it is that Clark and Lois are tv reporters instead of print journalists in this era. I understand DC's efforts to keep their characters relevant to the times. It actually made a lot of sense, for instance, when the Clark of the New 52 was writing for an online news outlet. But seeing Clark behind a news desk is just a little unexpected. The whole thing about Clark, at least when he's in Metropolis, or Gotham, or pretty much anywhere besides Smallville, is that he goes out of his way to effect an unassuming demeanor. In fact he'd probably want to keep out of the direct spotlight, lest his face as a news caster and his face as the prominently featured news story both appear often enough that viewers start putting two and two together.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_T9wc1RGzcqL3jEP-ePUX1KYjlu0zA4RdhuwdZ6Cj3syBKzoInNAXocp86qvTtsNMoEeFmXVzQ8kYiTCAdJfjkUjgJfrhB_x6_w-SCOfbds_7qe5x8-51TzG5fVRtbILMTW_bCxfqRg/s1600/Capture3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_T9wc1RGzcqL3jEP-ePUX1KYjlu0zA4RdhuwdZ6Cj3syBKzoInNAXocp86qvTtsNMoEeFmXVzQ8kYiTCAdJfjkUjgJfrhB_x6_w-SCOfbds_7qe5x8-51TzG5fVRtbILMTW_bCxfqRg/s320/Capture3.JPG" width="292" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Probably neighbors with that Charlie Brown kid.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Now that I've tangented, time to start another tangent. Clark is finishing up a broadcast, telling viewers that Alexander Luthor will be meeting with the UN that afternoon. Meanwhile, his co-workers discuss how cold his delivery is and how he's been like this since Supergirl's death. Then, perplexingly, we cut to a panel of what looks like someone from whatever reality the Family Circus characters live in watching the end of Clark's broadcast. There is seriously nothing about this little boy's appearance or the pictures on his desk that suggest that he exists in the same shared multiverse. I'm not joking when I say he looks like a Sunday newspaper humor strip. I did some digging and found out that, no, this character is neither a pre-crisis DC character or one who will be folded into Post-Crisis DC. However, he was created by DC back in the days before the concept of shared universes was even a glimmer in Lee and Kirby's minds. His name is Bernie the Brain, a featured character in the book <i>Sugar and Spike</i> (the titular characters appear in the framed photographs, in exactly the position they'd appear above the title of their book. They were characters created by Sheldon Mayer, one of the earliest creators and editors of All-American Comics, which later became the company we now know as DC Comics.<br />
<br />
The book briefly reaches into the past of Earth-1, where we catch back up with the characters from <i>Haunted Tank </i>and <i>Our World At War</i> in time for them the witness of wave of fushia energy. It's gone before they have the time to figure out what is going on. But the reader gets to see just a taste of what to come, as the same wave seems to be traveling further into the past. And the narration hints that it is a past that is ready to be changed. I'm not sure if this is phase umpteen of Anti-Monitor's evil plot or the actual fabric of DC's multiverse trying to knit itself back together into a cohesive hole, but either way it's sufficiently ominous.<br />
<br />
Now, before we go further, I feel it's important to state that this point is the dime upon which this issue is going to radically turn. It is suddenly going to have a lot of momentum propelling it forward with a lot of smaller but interesting sub-plots to... just silliness. But I am worried I'll have less to say because the book becomes both cameo porn and very punchy punchy. I'm always going to be more about character building and plot progression than action. Sorry. There's less meat on the bone, but there is still some interesting stuff and I'll try to be fair to it.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB0oJi0YlHO6VXSn-3c1pjCtO4Frfy38Y187llC3L1vup6G7HPDkX2oiTbuKZWc8abKgnwleilseJWZ7i7b7hVuc-pLwKd951pj2NutSTffJg6pp90CWzlQPyA6ZO3CSKsH3CsOlgmro4/s1600/Capture7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB0oJi0YlHO6VXSn-3c1pjCtO4Frfy38Y187llC3L1vup6G7HPDkX2oiTbuKZWc8abKgnwleilseJWZ7i7b7hVuc-pLwKd951pj2NutSTffJg6pp90CWzlQPyA6ZO3CSKsH3CsOlgmro4/s400/Capture7.JPG" width="286" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">As if we haven't already seen a horde of villians earlier...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For the first time in a few issues, we turn our attention to the three last minute sidequests Earths. Not only have we given them much thought, it turns out the hero community at-large hasn't either. After the mission into the Evil Anti-Matter Universe, it seems like all of The heroes from Earth-4, Earth-X, and Earth-S migrated to Earth-1, leaving their own worlds defenseless. As the old saying goes, "with great power comes... Eh fuck it, let's go hang out at the cool kids' house." And finally, we return to this issue's selling point. VILLAINS ATTACK!!!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And honestly, it's the part of the issue that I probably have the least to talk about, which is really disappointing, considering how long this subplot has gradually been coming together and how much the cover attempts to sell it. For now, all our baddies are only seen in shadow as we watch civilians being rounded up and a couple panels of the few remaining heroes of the 3 sidequest Earths possibly knocked out, but more likely totally deadskies. I am utterly incapable of ID'ing either of the fallen heroes, but I'm guessing as we get closer to the end of this maxi series, they are merely the first trickle in a flood of C-Lister deaths.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Meanwhile, in the UN, Pariah fails at adhering to dress codes. While addressing a cross-dimensional session of the UN, Pariah is still dressed like he's cosplaying as a sorcerer's apprentice, meanwhile Alexander Luthor is I a three-piece suit and Lyla is in a puffy fushia blouse with her hair in a bun. Did Pariah, just not get the memo about attire or is he stuck in what he was wearing when he broke the multiverse for the rest of his existence? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The three of them a calmly, evenly attempting to keep the leaders of 5 worlds apprised of the current status quo of the story and it's honestly refreshing to see Pariah demonstrating a relaxed demeanor. But that can't last, can it?</div>
<div>
<br />
While they are having this conference, Wonder Woman, in her Diana Prince persona, and Lady Quark, wearing a trench coat over the costume she was wearing when she arrived, are watching the proceedings on a display in the window of an electronics store. I can only assume that the reason the sole survivor of her dimension and an actual ambassador aren't in the UN assembly hall is because it would have been gauche for them to hold a private conversation in person.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQukfJdUEooQMLp4W9Dtk1y2XAZZ9ERCv_qQEcZSAVMjtto6YJHMbKmHJIsYI-p3cd4s1ktCKnyozufS2fxLCQygsN-R5ccpemihmFESYneSlwFEi0Wzt6S4omK1rX1haGBxUA-WvaxAA/s1600/Capture4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQukfJdUEooQMLp4W9Dtk1y2XAZZ9ERCv_qQEcZSAVMjtto6YJHMbKmHJIsYI-p3cd4s1ktCKnyozufS2fxLCQygsN-R5ccpemihmFESYneSlwFEi0Wzt6S4omK1rX1haGBxUA-WvaxAA/s320/Capture4.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A grudge for the ages... until the event resets continuity.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This is the second time on the same page that we have a character who has been trapped on Earth-1 for weeks, if not a couple months, and yet is still wearing the attire she arrived in. Unlike with Pariah, I can see no reason why she can't change her clothes, which makes me think it's either a) it's a containment suit for her powers, b) the denizens of Earth-6 are allergic to Earth-1's textiles, or c) it's the only thing she has left of the world she knew and can't bare to take it off.<br />
<br />
The two discuss Lady Quark's vengeful feelings toward Pariah, for his indirectly causing the destruction of her world when he awoke the Anti-Monitor. Diana argues that she can't hold it against him forever, as it was an accident. Lady Quark concedes that someday she may forgive, but will never forget. I'd really be interested to follow her through her appearances post-Crisis because she is filled with justifiable anger, and yet is conflicted, and suffering an incredible loss.<br />
<br />
Considering from what I understand, the Post-Crisis DCU exists as though it had always been that way, I wonder how the incorporate her backstory. Though, to be fair, as far as my research could turn up, she Lord Volt, Princess Fern, and the denizens of Earth-6 were created specifically for <i>Crisis</i>, so at least fans at the time hadn't had time to really emotionally commit to those characters. Wow. her whole planet existed just to die. Imagine a whole planet of Uncle Bens and Thomas & Martha Waynes just walking around, giving speeches about great responsibility and wearing pearls just in case their tragic deaths should come at any moment.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcuAiVQsOVsVUVRhThFHTv5tuASaPJOStBxKI1-gF48tbYZMikeS9Zud4Iep7aficRSrTtjwaEoTVcHF2ZP-mlp0kn2Dx9E4eyyzob7gEmX0WyieJdJfWF9cUbNKW2cDqQsKIw4d82igk/s1600/20160521_132055000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcuAiVQsOVsVUVRhThFHTv5tuASaPJOStBxKI1-gF48tbYZMikeS9Zud4Iep7aficRSrTtjwaEoTVcHF2ZP-mlp0kn2Dx9E4eyyzob7gEmX0WyieJdJfWF9cUbNKW2cDqQsKIw4d82igk/s320/20160521_132055000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good ol' Pariah...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Back at the UN, the questions delivered to the Crisis trio start to get a bit more pointed. <i>Coincidentally</i>, Pariah returns to form, has a bit of a freak out, and vanishes, declaring that the danger has not ended. I can't help but notice this just happens to occur when he's posed with questions about international/dimensional diplomacy that he can't answer and that shine a huge freaking spotlight at his terrible accountability track record.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
Not to worry, though. Pariah's presence is soon after replaced with the gigantic floating head of Brainiac holographically being projected into the UN assembly hall. I'm sorry, but this is a just hilariously perfect instance of text book supervillainy. I look at this scene and I can't help but think of the giant statue head of Thetis (Maggie Smith) in <i>Clash of the Titans </i>(the real one from 1981), crashing to the floor of the temple and declaring her demands for a virgin sacrifice. He gets the leader of Earth-1 caught up on what we already know-- that Earths-4, X, and S have been conquered by the Villainous People's Front. Or the People's Front of Villainy. Or possibly the Villainous Popular People's Front.<br />
<br />
<br />
Brainiac leaves it to Lex Luthor to explain their demands. Luthor materializes (or is projected into) in the chamber, causing Alexander to be surprised that Lex Luthor looks so much like his father. Nine issues in and Alexander needs the concept of alternate realities explained to him. Hoo boy. Lex says that since five is a much better number than three, he demands that Earths-1 and 2 surrender to them or they will destroy the Earths that they do have. And I cannot help but think this is such an unadorned bluff. If Earths-1 and 2 refuse, and they make good on their threats, they'll have no Earths under their control. Ye gods, this is so transparently dumb silver age logic. Of course, the five Earths being linked, them destroying the Earths they have will destroy all of them. Again, another flaw in the plan-- if all the Earths are destroyed-- where are you guys going to keep all your stuff? This is an incredibly dumb plan of last resort that the villains are treating like a master stroke. Lex, the supposed genius gives them fifteen minutes to come to a conclusion. Fifteen minutes for the united governments of two different Earths to make up their minds about the fate of the multiverse, whereas today, it apparently takes the US government of only one Earth weeks and weeks just to come to a consensus of who can use which bathroom. Let's hope 1984 wasn't an election year in the DCU.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxMNd9Jaa97-nJRrA7cvqCLxk5NEzvATqT0AvSY_z1GoBK8QYfyx3_ecIb5WXsVPnHgd5vjBJG6y8HBXUJ4QKrlZ6-Ch1LLxLezwicxpAcLaahtTnpNhwKmHZt8ilAjL-E4bgTiZ4SSO4/s1600/20160521_132713000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxMNd9Jaa97-nJRrA7cvqCLxk5NEzvATqT0AvSY_z1GoBK8QYfyx3_ecIb5WXsVPnHgd5vjBJG6y8HBXUJ4QKrlZ6-Ch1LLxLezwicxpAcLaahtTnpNhwKmHZt8ilAjL-E4bgTiZ4SSO4/s400/20160521_132713000_iOS.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This sort of victim blaming sounds like it would actually fly in today's culture.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Having heard this, Clark Kent finds somewhere private and busts open his shirt for the classic S shield reveal, then flies off declaring "this is a job for Superman!" I think this might be one of the last times that expression can be used without being twinged with irony because I feel like the DCU that we find after <i>Crisis</i>, is far more emotionally grounded. It's funny to note that he has on a Legion ring. Was this his from when he was Superboy (yeah, pre-Crisis, Superboy was just younger Superman and not a discrete character unto himself) or is he wearing Supergirl's as a remembrance?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCGjD_lP-cpFAcdvUxAkX37zHzdynpzJXSEpVLiIuh7c6nhCEl3rHcMSYVk-1E_IVpfwRigheYspr5oOFEZ3RlEr4dh44WxBhklBr1jNGlfg0lYxZ9pSMD-80xTpOy-yaSCZMEcxtcnio/s1600/20160606_003546000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCGjD_lP-cpFAcdvUxAkX37zHzdynpzJXSEpVLiIuh7c6nhCEl3rHcMSYVk-1E_IVpfwRigheYspr5oOFEZ3RlEr4dh44WxBhklBr1jNGlfg0lYxZ9pSMD-80xTpOy-yaSCZMEcxtcnio/s320/20160606_003546000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Creeper. Yeah, I don't get it, either...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Next, we cut to one of the reporters we saw earlier, Jack Ryder, transforms into honestly the oddest DC Hero I've come across in a while: The looks like the love child of the Joker and Kraven the Hunter. Based on what I learned from my reliable source, Dr. Internet, I get the impression that Creeper is a character that has been around for ages and writers will periodically keep trying to make him work, but he never seems to stick around for long.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, in 1917, an aviator notices that pink field in the sky from earlier. Just in case you were forgetting that particular plot point...<br />
<br />
Back in the present, the heroes of Earths-1 and 2 attempt to break through a barrier that the villains have put up around Earth-4 while Alexander Luthor continues to argue with a UN delegate.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL4Fe57pqX-09IE4d_OvqZilewj1IbiHuKdOmlFL8FTbvrhjk4qj7v7CDZNxV-k3TfCCG6WfHVwP16_Z7y4oNrkt1PDwd1hqwMDkjyzkLCVh9IwId1j3QwTrbTu4hebcLiBIRtWxr5MBw/s1600/20160606_003605000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL4Fe57pqX-09IE4d_OvqZilewj1IbiHuKdOmlFL8FTbvrhjk4qj7v7CDZNxV-k3TfCCG6WfHVwP16_Z7y4oNrkt1PDwd1hqwMDkjyzkLCVh9IwId1j3QwTrbTu4hebcLiBIRtWxr5MBw/s320/20160606_003605000_iOS.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wally's private time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Then we cut to the idyllic little hamlet of Blue Valley, where Wally West, currently Kid Flash, hereafter known as Best Flash, is laying in bed in his boxer shorts reading a letter and eating an apple, where he is recruited by Jay Garrick, and Lyla. Because nobody believes in knocking the door. Being a teenage boy in his undies, Jay and Lyla should be relieved that he has an apple in his hand and not something else.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBaqM1jOX_aDuKBotAseC0phUwM1HllyCO8ZO9r9iRmYwerm17ULVGjIJS6H133NS8A8x6y0GDe10Z0x8k2uXBOhS4jnaZ8-5IMpZPRv4B2ZPMASct89C5SO8UPkigJD4WEDEVfUObwM/s1600/20160606_003614000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxBaqM1jOX_aDuKBotAseC0phUwM1HllyCO8ZO9r9iRmYwerm17ULVGjIJS6H133NS8A8x6y0GDe10Z0x8k2uXBOhS4jnaZ8-5IMpZPRv4B2ZPMASct89C5SO8UPkigJD4WEDEVfUObwM/s320/20160606_003614000_iOS.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lyla and Jay don't even knock.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
And-- oh, my stars and garters. This is the first time we're seeing Lyla's complete new ensemble and I just want to know who she's taking to prom. I'm fairly certain I've seen this get-up during a screening of <i>Teen Witch </i>(kids, ask your parents about that seminal 80s classic). Lyla mentions that the Monitor's notes said Wally had a problem and a certain knowledge that they need. Jay Garrick says with Barry Allen being MIA, Wally's on deck and offers Wally his old ring. Do the Titans use rings too or is this his Flash-brand costume ring?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzjB4T_OLq6w9hvCxpzJIQfukovKI5QJdglVAz238ci2F5W-uCa2LtCDWeulzrJsrWlQmmpGz56bhcYTTF5TMUP8ro-CQkK1t88E_E6rUVQF6BY4fFe0BBgq198E0b4FE4J7NNoX5Krms/s1600/20160606_003629000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzjB4T_OLq6w9hvCxpzJIQfukovKI5QJdglVAz238ci2F5W-uCa2LtCDWeulzrJsrWlQmmpGz56bhcYTTF5TMUP8ro-CQkK1t88E_E6rUVQF6BY4fFe0BBgq198E0b4FE4J7NNoX5Krms/s320/20160606_003629000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jay proposes to Wally and a thousand shippers cry out in unison...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Wally is game, and one transition later, he and Jay are prepping a cosmic treadmill (just... just go with it), which will let an assembled army of heroes cross to the captured Earths. A page worth of cameo padding later, the two speedsters put their pedals to the metal and open up a rift which takes forever because this book is dedicated to the noble art of watching characters watching other characters doing shit.<br />
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From here on, the comic, is just a protracted fight scene and some more C-List fodder the most notable I can recall is Tula, aka Aquagirl. Earth-4 seems to have the most generic subjugation, although Chemo has poisoned the oceans. Earth-S has been turned into a frozen wasteland. Over on Earth-X, Poison Ivy (who either looks bland in general or bland when not a redhead) has initiated a floral apocalypse.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh-HYP5zmmCgq1fc8vtRct0bry7QSmPUcRIYeM_x3P1QIGxv15kngZMpQGLipVsHceY3Pa19TEvAaX5dmsSMoPCl2AxXjU3pWYcOK8n_uOL0Bs1FCnWDWhhio2t0JAHDYmRzE5svOCW5o/s1600/20160606_003732000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh-HYP5zmmCgq1fc8vtRct0bry7QSmPUcRIYeM_x3P1QIGxv15kngZMpQGLipVsHceY3Pa19TEvAaX5dmsSMoPCl2AxXjU3pWYcOK8n_uOL0Bs1FCnWDWhhio2t0JAHDYmRzE5svOCW5o/s320/20160606_003732000_iOS.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, no. Not.. whatshername...?!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteDjSlOG_uol67VGd8iRm5dF3NWRxCrhJobWWHeVATisX7cnUF3vPRSnmtmiVoo-CJsgJBhs-m1yKm7RGfqKQwrry916nXAzZeAIk026v4Lvw84WiKUE4N3Za-m75Y4O4y-XxSObam48/s1600/20160606_004246000_iOS.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteDjSlOG_uol67VGd8iRm5dF3NWRxCrhJobWWHeVATisX7cnUF3vPRSnmtmiVoo-CJsgJBhs-m1yKm7RGfqKQwrry916nXAzZeAIk026v4Lvw84WiKUE4N3Za-m75Y4O4y-XxSObam48/s320/20160606_004246000_iOS.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Firestorm's gonna get it.</td></tr>
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Of course the villains get various moments to shine. the Joker taunts the Freedom Fighters now trapped in Ivy's vines, and the fact that Uncle Sam starts of his retort with the word "sonny," really just cements how dedicatedly folksy/charming he is. Meanwhile, on <strike>Hoth</strike> Earth-S, Killer Frost tells her other weather and ice-themed brethren that they cannot underestimate the forces that the heroes can marshal. And believe you me, I am waiting for Firestorm to get his comeuppance after going along with Frostie's mind rape and manipulation... and being a creep about it, too.<br />
<br />
What is more interesting than the fighting itself is the narration, which is actually a conversation between Brainiac and Luthor, who are such chessmasters in this issue. All the other villains they've assembled are expendable pawns. Not just expendable, they expressly intend for both the rest of the villains and the heroes to either kill one another or burn each other out, making them easier to subjugate when Brainiac and Luthor will swoop in and win the day for themselves alone. Better the heroes take out some of the more deadly of their allies than have to do it themselves. Ye gods, the secret evil plan, is so much cleverer than the publicly announced plan.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9a3vjOBM6mOtlvjPAHRBW6xv5qHl69QYCnvk2iWRxVy2PBghax4szHhOUBfwt1qUv4_8iEC_f7gCE0aV3mwI00vgVuVXpHwrJY1D_8kK7-bvGCCmBxyJIVBjv4NiVnutB5GmkuX9XR88/s1600/Capture5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9a3vjOBM6mOtlvjPAHRBW6xv5qHl69QYCnvk2iWRxVy2PBghax4szHhOUBfwt1qUv4_8iEC_f7gCE0aV3mwI00vgVuVXpHwrJY1D_8kK7-bvGCCmBxyJIVBjv4NiVnutB5GmkuX9XR88/s400/Capture5.JPG" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did you try shutting it down and<br />
turning it back on?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Luthor notices that he's been monologuing for a while and he turns to Brainiac to see why he's so quiet. The machine man is very still but then starts sputtering red hot energy and kirby dots and explodes. In the wake of the explosion, Luthor is knocked to the floor. He looks around to find the big, glass-domed head of Psimon gloating over his cleverness and suspicious nature. And looking particularly declaring that "Psimon says Luthor must die as well!" Yeah, considering my first toe in the DC waters after over a decade of being a Marvel purist was the Young Justice cartoon series, I really appreciate Psimon getting really creepy and calculating villain moments. Apart from the body horror that is the upper half of his skull, there is something horrifying about the whites of his eyes being blackened and his pupils glowing while as he stares down arguably the kingpin of DC's pantheon of villains after having just blown Luthor's only recognized equal to smithereens. Surprisingly enough, I think this is only the second time the issue hasn't ended with a big reveal splash page. Although, whereas with the final page of Supergirl's funeral, I kind of feel the team wanted to capture every moment of Superman laying his cousin to rest, in this moment, I just feel like they were rushed, less emotionally invested in this leg of the narrative, and honestly just wanted to get it over with.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBZb4_MQmKagy7ojg6ZWNzmkwDwpZivP0yS4r8MPdON6QZpb-AkJaI_UXF8Cf5kRlRlbU9X3CaNQ8BtQPwY6eCzILzcrrMev3zE6ph0BV62OgTD13rAx7FTOlVvfCEAmbnfNAIu-hwX8/s1600/Capture6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdBZb4_MQmKagy7ojg6ZWNzmkwDwpZivP0yS4r8MPdON6QZpb-AkJaI_UXF8Cf5kRlRlbU9X3CaNQ8BtQPwY6eCzILzcrrMev3zE6ph0BV62OgTD13rAx7FTOlVvfCEAmbnfNAIu-hwX8/s320/Capture6.JPG" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Psimon: <br />
B for villainy, A+ for villain speechifying.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It is a flashbang, both literally and figuratively for the issue's A-plot, but overall, the villains' story in this issue is not worth the slow burn of a build up it has received over the previous few issues. I imagine for someone who was reading at the time, seeing all the villians of the era was satisfying, but so many of the villains either aren't prominent enough for me to be all that familiar, did not make it it into the Post-Crisis DCU, or do not resemble the iterations with whom I'm familiar. They clutter up the page. It's not the only clutter. I honestly feel that there was very little story to the A-plot of this issue, so we are forever being distracted from the thrust of the story to see panel after panel of various characters' reactions to the main action. I'm sure for many people, part of the fun of crossover events, and to be fair, this was the first (or one of the earliest) such event of its kind, so the art of juggling such a huge number of characters wasn't quite there yet. For me, though, I need narrative flow. I would much rather see what we saw in issues #7 and #8, where we shift between a mere handful of POV characters between a distinctive A-plot and B-plot.<br />
<br />
Speaking of the B-plot, and I fully admit that I'm being overly generous with that description, it's very much just a cobbling together of enough disparate characters' plotlines to give them a semblance of an emotional story to tell. Did we need to visit with Firehawk and the Teen Titans? Honestly, no. Did I enjoy their scene? Damn skippy. They wouldn't even be worth writing about except they manage to engage the reader, which is more than I can say for the villains. It feels like conflict by numbers, and a particularly silly one at that, since the villains-- even Brainiac and Luthor-- really ought to be pragmatists motivated by self-interest and the last thing they should be doing on the brink of armageddon is forcing a conflict against the people who thus far have been the ones keeping the entirety of existence from being wiped out. It makes so little sense to me that I'm honestly questioning whether this entire issue was cooked up mid-way through production simply to fit the planned 12-issue format without truly thinking it all the way through. </div>
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Okay, Crisis has me wiped out and I am in need of a break. Next week, I'm going to something much more of a one and done and with less thought involved. Maybe something cinematic. Some film I can dig my nuclear talons into and really rip apart... Care to join me in that particular quest for peace, gentle readers?<br />
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katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-53895876235989215542016-06-01T12:00:00.000-07:002016-06-01T12:00:07.899-07:00See Barry. See Barry Run. Run, Barry, Run! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgb2d7fjITd_Z8gd2obCeYKyBBIR7BbZotJu1aBQqlHlUZJP_JMIYLwqzfYxWJcfBfwO2F-23n71nH4emhvfpJjX4FZxn1FUEEn0-PlL8mprmI0J_QB1LlunE6VjnZGB5jQN28aVAbD_Q/s1600/00.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgb2d7fjITd_Z8gd2obCeYKyBBIR7BbZotJu1aBQqlHlUZJP_JMIYLwqzfYxWJcfBfwO2F-23n71nH4emhvfpJjX4FZxn1FUEEn0-PlL8mprmI0J_QB1LlunE6VjnZGB5jQN28aVAbD_Q/s640/00.JPG" width="417" /></a>So yeah, after weeks of <i>Crisis</i> causing me nothing but terminal misery and snark, last issue was the equivalent of a post-coital cigarette. By narrowing the lens while maintaining the scale of their storytelling, Wolfman and Perez managed to tell a story in which the noble sacrifice of one character is given more weight and meaning that they've so far managed to give to the potential destruction of the multiverse. The question now becomes was last issue a case of Wolfman and Perez finally hitting their stride or was it a glorious apex? With that in mind, let us examine <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths </i>#8.<br />
<br />
The cover is not quite as good as the previous issue's, but it's still quite impressive. It's one of those covers which, like last time, is a bit of a classic. I don't think it's become quite as iconic as the death of Supergirl, but I think it's a motif that is repeated enough that it feels classic. We see The Flash in what appears to be a devastated cityscape with smoky red and yellow sky, standing over a knocked out Psycho-Pirate as he faces down an opponent. Said opponent dominates the foreground, his legs arching high over the Flash. Perhaps the perspective is a bit too low because so that it appears like Barry is checking out his foe's package. Then again, the alternatives would have been to make the Flash look bigger, which would have taken away from the menace of the sheer size of his adversary, or lower the perspective, which would have resulted in there being a giant ass smack dab in the middle of the cover, which I suspect would not have met with CCA approval, as opposed to as it is, obscured by the title.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdKZycAcJV2CaS41BMF2LgXMOfwEM8bzKIWgD3-i5t_i9fpy3T8G3wVoPK44qU_e0c-69gzOumMDuNfcskjqIDy1seoRMJXyxTu4hNtEW3nC290NtEM2k9Sl_yxHYQrgRNUrjJ7s6Qy8/s1600/01.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwdKZycAcJV2CaS41BMF2LgXMOfwEM8bzKIWgD3-i5t_i9fpy3T8G3wVoPK44qU_e0c-69gzOumMDuNfcskjqIDy1seoRMJXyxTu4hNtEW3nC290NtEM2k9Sl_yxHYQrgRNUrjJ7s6Qy8/s320/01.JPG" width="282" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Could you at least face up while you<br />
rant incessantly at him?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
We open up on the Anti-Monitor's ship, and boy does it seem like Anti-Monitor's interior decorator must be getting tons of overtime. After Anti-Monitor finally found the light switch, it at first looked like your standard space ship with panels and view screens. Then last issue looked like a combination of ancient Middle Eastern ruins and Notre Dame de Paris as drawn by M.C. Escher. Now his hideout is composed of stone bricks, cyberpunk support beams and Kirby crackle. Like, 50% Kirby crackle. It makes you understand why Anti-Monitor had the lights off for the first 5 issues because that must be one burdensome electrical bill.<br />
<br />
Not only does the Kirby crackle provide illumination, but it also seems to now be a method of containment, presently pinioning Flash with a series of glowing yellow tentacles that tether him into place in a doorway high overhead of his present jailer, Psycho-Pirate. Psy-Pi seems to be pre-occupied about his job security (and by that we mean "odds of survival"), blathering on to the Flash about how fearful he is about having failed Anti-Monitor in the <b>one job</b> he's been kept around for.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoW9B9RBflX7CmAu8onlePhW1axJJ8c__kk9EZdzWcIWJHnOUk6GgbIRVHKruF6aPZIkVFlVI1JJbAxsfVFDlpK3OoUGIps0vx24LZoXWbl0HNgz6H6fBqSLWsakOOHnyFbnn8acx28cY/s1600/02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoW9B9RBflX7CmAu8onlePhW1axJJ8c__kk9EZdzWcIWJHnOUk6GgbIRVHKruF6aPZIkVFlVI1JJbAxsfVFDlpK3OoUGIps0vx24LZoXWbl0HNgz6H6fBqSLWsakOOHnyFbnn8acx28cY/s400/02.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Misery is Psy-Pi's voice.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The Flash looks like he's in a state of constant misery. Whether it's because he's in full-body lockdown or because he has to listen to Psy-Pi's ramble on is purely up for speculation. Psy-Pi's prattling finally starts to eke out the very beginnings of a plan to turn on Anti-Monitor when who should appear at just the wrong part of the conversation but the Anti-Monitor...<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGP5C76DwrK-6VhlhX8BwfBAlobcv1s8GbXmerVouanI8aYq7VzIzMWhHbrEAx-hW3lxuojQ2XLzVNea2i5tHKTd9xMq9-daMM_V4D9uQCeHINYqX0oLZXOv3sPugC51I2PfKULiiLLE/s1600/2.5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWGP5C76DwrK-6VhlhX8BwfBAlobcv1s8GbXmerVouanI8aYq7VzIzMWhHbrEAx-hW3lxuojQ2XLzVNea2i5tHKTd9xMq9-daMM_V4D9uQCeHINYqX0oLZXOv3sPugC51I2PfKULiiLLE/s320/2.5.JPG" width="211" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You'll need to take him down before you can beat Crash Man...</td></tr>
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And oh my god, he needs to fire his tailor because he looks ridiculous. I'll admit, I wasn't completely sold on his original design, but at least it had the virtue of being menacing and imposing. The more I look at his newly designed look, the more I think it's Air Man from Mega Man II trying desperately to look imposing. He seems to be aware of how silly he looks by reminding us that he needed to construct a new form since Supergirl broke his previous one. Because there's nothing classier than pinning your bad sartorial choices on your victims. It also doesn't explain why he just didn't build a better reinforced version of his previous look instead of asking Dr. Wiley to design something for him.<br />
<br />
He allays Psy-Pi's fears, as though his new clown suit wasn't killing the tension enough, by telling him he still has his uses, so he won't be killed yet. That last word is probably pretty pivotal. Although, since he still loathes Psy-Pi, Anti-Monitor cannot help but mention that he would rather find anyone else with his specific talents if time weren't a factor. Seriously, I bet his employee evaluations are nothing but backhanded compliments. Under the "attendance and punctuality" heading, he'll write, "this pathetic, mewling worm would not dare be late or absent if he hopes to survive his employment."<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlSdVJfzYDd4quyvXNUVaBEzswyzQFM637KDCbhyL18iKzZlh-upvjEp81SwiqU2aDGJyOlVRNNygD77PNx22Ynx6dLSTf9Vbf1F9UjyuAAINADK0rLddZ-l4G0quPo34Z-04ZDQoQ-M/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlSdVJfzYDd4quyvXNUVaBEzswyzQFM637KDCbhyL18iKzZlh-upvjEp81SwiqU2aDGJyOlVRNNygD77PNx22Ynx6dLSTf9Vbf1F9UjyuAAINADK0rLddZ-l4G0quPo34Z-04ZDQoQ-M/s400/03.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In a battle of DC vs Coherent Continuity, DC wins every time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We now turn our attention to Apokalips. I think cutting directly here from the previous scene does Anti-Monitor a huge disservice. The New Gods, and Darkseid in particular, are the DC's crowning representation of Jack Kirby's design aesthetic. Anti-Monitor was designed trying so hard to be Kirby-esque, but he didn't quite hit the mark before and certainly doesn't now. The subtext of this scene might as well be, "yes, this is what a real cosmic-level villain looks like." Now back to the Mega Man level boss... This scene's purpose is two-fold. Firstly, Darkseid explains that he is not taking an active part in this story What is it with characters appearing to explain why they aren't appearing? First Lois in <i>Superman III</i>, then the Amazons during the first half of <i>Crisis</i>, even Spider-Man when I recapped <i>Uncanny Avengers. </i>Do writers think they're pleasing us by showing us what would have been good?<i> </i>A tip for any writers out there: don't make references to much superior works in your stories. It just makes the audience regret the fact they are reading your works instead of theirs.<br />
<br />
Secondly, Darkseid makes a statement that I cannot possibly imagine could be read as anything other than meta commentary. I imagine by now, DC's offices had been deluged with fan mail in protest of rebooting the entirety of the DCU and Wolfman was really having fun trolling them.<br />
<br />
Back on Oa, we have finally caught up with the immediate aftermath of the explosion that happened two issues ago. Because the Oans are an efficient lot. Rather than get to business about the multiversal threat, the blue man group devolves into finger-pointing and bureaucratic squabbling about parliamentary procedures. The self-appointed Guardians of the Universe, ladies and gentlemen...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlaOuT-yaAP7GuwRV09xebSSz8yCLwkJzs5BCZsMi86Cag8-UMEg4kOdjC1wEF7y5-3g_69GDuYKzn0AHHmUdp4UwYJrcoIUNgYvFsgMr7uLHdWBivlRlQZT-Z7IAVxtlt95pJ7460-zs/s1600/04.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlaOuT-yaAP7GuwRV09xebSSz8yCLwkJzs5BCZsMi86Cag8-UMEg4kOdjC1wEF7y5-3g_69GDuYKzn0AHHmUdp4UwYJrcoIUNgYvFsgMr7uLHdWBivlRlQZT-Z7IAVxtlt95pJ7460-zs/s400/04.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bureaucratic quibbling from the folks who broke the multiverse. Well played...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, sort of, in the 30th Century, Brainiac-5 is cranky about the current predicament and none of his teammates can get through to him. That is all.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4f_v-XkAx53FkDagXKXF0j492_NqS1L29hTyDQYuhjrGrcyxOWWgmNGHH4DrByRK-TL0dCAdvOeRtE_JMuRvdXm8oFSK2paSlh2uh_qzha23Na0sjI3ePrXyftXGE3-0DsPob6ph_eMI/s1600/05.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4f_v-XkAx53FkDagXKXF0j492_NqS1L29hTyDQYuhjrGrcyxOWWgmNGHH4DrByRK-TL0dCAdvOeRtE_JMuRvdXm8oFSK2paSlh2uh_qzha23Na0sjI3ePrXyftXGE3-0DsPob6ph_eMI/s320/05.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At least someone gets it. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in the present of Earth-1, everyone's least favorite fire-headed misogynist Firestorm looks out across his (also my) home city of Pittsburgh's skyline. I can't honestly say I recognize it. Taking into consideration, I only relocated here in the early 00's, mayhaps it looked different in the 1980s... [checks the interwebs] Nope. So my guess is that either 1. Pittsburgh is different on Earth-1, 2. Perez didn't know Firestorm lived in a real world city when he was drafting (DC does have A LOT of fictional US cities, to be fair), or 3. Perez didn't have access to pictures of Pittsburgh's skyline because these were the pre-internet days.<br />
<br />
Anyway, he's hanging out on a water tower, totally ignoring a pterosaur when he is joined by what appears to be his distaff counterpart (and possibly lover, unless "Hello lover" is just being used as a casual expression), Firehawk, who has finally broken the curse of unsettling theriomorphic themed costumes in this series. She has a feather-like wing cape and a bird's head emblem on her chest. That's all you need. I'm thankful at least one character knows that less is more. Firehawk might not be the brightest light in the heavens as doesn't grasp the point of pin the tail on the donkey hinges upon being blindfolded. But at least she seems to acknowledge Firestorm for what he is, and to be honest, I'm surprised CCA policies allowed for the word "jackass."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIMNiO-lrriTJf4GenEmtujDj8CYRLADv7Hr2OktP1Do32DnQlaSC6fZ7VEZNUW6gkiPVqfJzgklYTvzptt02VIA7R3jjG1GD6hFZpTOGWeqbIQDMPUVIgx29SoJKLhrPG-VwjZEBX2KM/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIMNiO-lrriTJf4GenEmtujDj8CYRLADv7Hr2OktP1Do32DnQlaSC6fZ7VEZNUW6gkiPVqfJzgklYTvzptt02VIA7R3jjG1GD6hFZpTOGWeqbIQDMPUVIgx29SoJKLhrPG-VwjZEBX2KM/s320/07.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Put some ice in that wound, 'Hawk. (I regret nothing)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiln2OuzIcwMVem61dOgSSaS6z5F4kLnKuyZs4JZOu0mkUolOdh35yhhpP8FJ6wX2-_gELkA8XIUiRPZnz-rJTwq2ZRkCTae8vdziTNYIMgtQ2_8H0epm94VOV28c3RRhZXJZ7UDGVGXqc/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiln2OuzIcwMVem61dOgSSaS6z5F4kLnKuyZs4JZOu0mkUolOdh35yhhpP8FJ6wX2-_gELkA8XIUiRPZnz-rJTwq2ZRkCTae8vdziTNYIMgtQ2_8H0epm94VOV28c3RRhZXJZ7UDGVGXqc/s400/08.JPG" width="173" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">80s Fashion Maven</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
She teases him for his former power couple status with Killer Frost when she should be calling him out on what a jerk he was to her when convenient for Robby, he gets a message from Vixen, who has caught Red Tornado's evil inventor, T.O. Morrow. Important to note-- Vixen has hella Wolverine hair in this era. She honestly looks pretty fashionable overall. She more or less looks as she does today, but where her appearance differs is so very patently 80s. She has the aforementioned big hair, ankle boots, and a belt that seems to be a red low-slung circle belt. I think my mom wore one of those except in turquoise green. I know that red on yellow is probably a bit too garish today, but she's rocking it.<br />
<br />
I've really only encountered her at this point through her appearances on JLU, although she has a solo tv animated series that's on my bucket list. I really didn't know what the scope of her abilities until I did a bit of research. I honestly feel a bit ashamed that I'm not better versed in her background. She's one of DC's most prominent DC heroines of color and at one point was positioned to be the first DC heroine of color until the DC Implosion of '78. As for powers, she basically has the same power modus operandi as White Tiger, granted animal-themed powers from an ancient mystical totem, but with the range of Beast Boy, and thus she can basically adopt and/or mimic the attributes of the entire animal kingdom both in existence or exctinct.<br />
<br />
The three of them meet up on the Justice League's now-reinstated satellite along with the Teen Titans' Cyborg and Martian Manhunter, who are working on getting Red Tornado back up and running after the Anti-Monitor suped up his abilities to uncontrollable levels and and unleashed him on his friends. The Atom is shrunken down trying to help solve this problem from inside Red Tornado.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf3UrK3fCru8b288iX-hiJisnsAUnYxDTIX86vAM_dYV2DJgvD252PzbunYieG2ZZz9ibZvVAM_Phyphenhyphenbkm0RXovSuV7jL6jsEIXB-xqtqokch_3gIXofiLDzMBdKVbVrvjsQtSwMektPOo/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf3UrK3fCru8b288iX-hiJisnsAUnYxDTIX86vAM_dYV2DJgvD252PzbunYieG2ZZz9ibZvVAM_Phyphenhyphenbkm0RXovSuV7jL6jsEIXB-xqtqokch_3gIXofiLDzMBdKVbVrvjsQtSwMektPOo/s400/09.JPG" width="152" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Loincloths over bodysuits <br />
are all the rage in Europe.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For some reason, Ray Palmer's costume includes a long, flowing loincloth with an ornate gold belt hilted with a sword scabbard and complemented with gold jewel encrusted gauntlets. It looks like something out of a Swords and Sorcery narrative. It honestly piques my interest in the Atom (or at least the Atom story immediately preceding this, <i>Sword of the Atom Special </i>#1-2, because I have a fondness for the odd alchemy that happens when you throw a character into a genre that is clearly not their bailiwick and see what happens, such as a science hero in a Conan story (see also: the X-Men in Asgard; Captain America as a werewolf).<br />
<br />
That being said, why is he wearing these things over his normal costume? He's clearly wearing pants. I assume he wouldn't be bothering with them if the crotch area had lost its integrity. In fact, it probably is a hindrance in combat because it's added weight that probably throws off his balance in normal fighting style. And probably gets stuck in doors and elevators all the damn time. Don't get me wrong, as a gay reader, I'm all for equal opportunity fanservice and comics can always use a few more scantily clad buff guys (not boys like Komandi and Anthro, whose loinclothedness makes me feel mildly uncomfortable) to even out the number of female characters running around in glorified bikinis, but this is just... incredibly <strike>odd</strike> <strike>stupid</strike> poorly thought out. What <i>would</i> have been an interesting redesign is a complete genre-specific redesign where the D&D elements were expanded upon. I think Ray Palmer would make a pretty good Paladin.<br />
<br />
I also notice that the Atom is referring to Ray Palmer both as though he were another person and in the past tense. Sometimes, I forget that DC clings much closer and much longer to the secret identities notion much more stringently than Marvel.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheDwwkVQxinDN0omNiUpTXfkQa83qLjQ5O4UXHvVWMHsO4nfc6jD47fEhmT4k1eqofO-5z5C_Yz8AdpaAnoJQHRBygRKWbzPRXid0CzSRnxi8WlAu8nA-EsphR8UK4HSW0dbglKUkLLBk/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheDwwkVQxinDN0omNiUpTXfkQa83qLjQ5O4UXHvVWMHsO4nfc6jD47fEhmT4k1eqofO-5z5C_Yz8AdpaAnoJQHRBygRKWbzPRXid0CzSRnxi8WlAu8nA-EsphR8UK4HSW0dbglKUkLLBk/s320/10.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cyborg hates <strike>Tony Stark</strike> T.O. Morrow.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Atom can't quite grasp the tech he's seeing inside Red Tornado, causing Morrow to brag-- and ye gods does T.O. Morrow resemble early Tony Stark! I'm seriously wondering whether that was intentional, considering he appeared within 5 years of Iron Man's debut, they both are robotics geniuses, and both futurists. Is he supposed to be DC's evil Tony Stark? 'Cause Marvel's good Tony Stark does some pretty morally dubious shit on a whim... like, a lot. So evil Tony is kind of a scary notion.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhhw8kMXsDS9gqtutxNzYueQeEL4pCiBhDeR73ObUCYrSuLYc4EXm5ZFSSUXcq1fM0L3-Ve7of_hsQStnoyNHxJLLNCHq2MHk8u0hmCt91PZRzZideRsbWzVTRbqNVfhOu-50BvUL6zeo/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhhw8kMXsDS9gqtutxNzYueQeEL4pCiBhDeR73ObUCYrSuLYc4EXm5ZFSSUXcq1fM0L3-Ve7of_hsQStnoyNHxJLLNCHq2MHk8u0hmCt91PZRzZideRsbWzVTRbqNVfhOu-50BvUL6zeo/s320/11.JPG" width="223" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is why no-one likes you, Robby.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The visual Atom is transmitting on the projection screen surprised Morrow as it doesn't resemble what he built. Professor Stein tries to warn Robby, but Firestorm, as I've mentioned, is a freaking asshat and responds with snark. Ye gods, as much as I love Victor Garber on <i>The Flash</i>, at least going by his appearances in <i>Crisis</i>, I do not want to read more Firestorm stories.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBk0dwPbrq3-51GZAY_IILwEZgXSjhnmo-AivfMl31f7USVj8HAd9Ag4Xxvxch9v-V_H30UB2IR1S3fHBwfmU6Sl51bCLUhG29Jfu5egMJnrk4Q99YJLkmRIHaZSYoQR9BLVEQQIpY1rk/s1600/12.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBk0dwPbrq3-51GZAY_IILwEZgXSjhnmo-AivfMl31f7USVj8HAd9Ag4Xxvxch9v-V_H30UB2IR1S3fHBwfmU6Sl51bCLUhG29Jfu5egMJnrk4Q99YJLkmRIHaZSYoQR9BLVEQQIpY1rk/s320/12.JPG" width="204" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Adorkable.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We cut to the beaches of LA and probably my favorite sub-plot of the issue. Green Lantern (John Stewart, to be precise) has come to recruit Blue Devil, who is laying out at the beach under and umbrella in teeny tiny swim trunks. Now, from what I understand, Blue Devil's whole deal is that he's pretty much a normal guy stuck in a special effects "blue devil" exosuit that grants him strength and an array of powers. So, it causes he to feel pretty baffled by a lot of the choices here. Wouldn't it be hot in the Summer sun in that thing? Why is he trying to tan his blue exosuit? Why is he wearing shorts? His whole body is a suit. Why would he want additional clothes on at the beach? Is his suit anatomically correct or is it just a way of feeling a bit closer to normal? These questions are never to be addressed. BD admits he thought that the Crisis was over, and to be fair, at that point, the average mini-series rarely surpassed five or six issues, so his confusion is understandable. It is a little endearing that he seems a little sheepish about it... that or being caught by effectively his co-worker in naught but a pair of thigh-high trunks.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs6sQLQ0PxXxSJxmhw_c0QUEsBxYiLa_-eWd4CE7mhnIfAayBDO31RqdddFQwE8EpidMpheLXtjFFsbEBiQ-iTKpdLkUb7MBdkw0weBofEHHl_2kBBcqyPUzujCHcLRn50Fu6-XwfboEU/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs6sQLQ0PxXxSJxmhw_c0QUEsBxYiLa_-eWd4CE7mhnIfAayBDO31RqdddFQwE8EpidMpheLXtjFFsbEBiQ-iTKpdLkUb7MBdkw0weBofEHHl_2kBBcqyPUzujCHcLRn50Fu6-XwfboEU/s320/13.JPG" width="317" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yeah, he probably wouldn't.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
One costume change later and they are up on the Watchtower, where Morrow has recruited him as a last resort, since BD's self-designed bio suit is comparable to the sentient artificial life form in need of medical attention. Apples to apples, right? Having Blue Devil around would have been a good thing if Morrow actually had listened to him because BD picks up on something off just as Morrow removes Tornado's head causing his body to explode. Devil manages to save the not-so-good doctor away from the blast, while Firestorm manages to rescue Martian Manhunter. Firehawk's uniform is burnt up, but she's fine because this is a comic and fanservice is just something we've all learned to live with. She tells Firestorm to turn around what her powers materialize a new and more impressive outfit. Morrow breaks free of Blue Devil and makes a run for it, vanishing, and while chasing him down Blue Devil gets sucked into a wormhole. So much for that calm day on the beach he'd hoped for...<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_-tVmSERa5rDrcLImPciMX3Q0zJ6EsU5aB_FiF8nw8fJv1fn5rCkSQqqkj9zywp7sGvqkjncd0y9MvMKd5ymb_uyGE4ctP1dpBsfPbuCgEjq2IzlJWw_CTdz-TH6G4aNzF1m9jWRHj2E/s1600/14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_-tVmSERa5rDrcLImPciMX3Q0zJ6EsU5aB_FiF8nw8fJv1fn5rCkSQqqkj9zywp7sGvqkjncd0y9MvMKd5ymb_uyGE4ctP1dpBsfPbuCgEjq2IzlJWw_CTdz-TH6G4aNzF1m9jWRHj2E/s400/14.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That'll make you think twice about coming in on your day off.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
He winds up in the Vegan star system on-board the bridge of the Omega Men's ship. They seem to have been sucked into a wormhole and ended up here, too. I have no frame of reference for these guys, but I have to admit they do a fairly good job of letting you know what kind of person each of them is in pretty short order. Rynoc is the resident Worf, Shlagen is the Snarf, and Zirral is... um... she has really big hair, so I guess she's Jem. We don't have too much time to get used to them however when their space vessel starts to fall apart fairly rapidly, causing Devil to wonder how he's going to get out of this scrape, and obliging DC editorial to tell readers where to find the next chapter of his story. I really do miss the days of comic book footnotes.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy7fjEoPJ4AneF78or-X8331jidW_WJWyAiCKIVqMzrnm1_2Sr5XJgLBpRAumPdIBafPkXnkZra_zuURe4zCom7joqQBn3OLCojs4TBZHAM7BwtO8sl29YzDwFEFBP_9gRiAC1fpfBp-g/s1600/16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy7fjEoPJ4AneF78or-X8331jidW_WJWyAiCKIVqMzrnm1_2Sr5XJgLBpRAumPdIBafPkXnkZra_zuURe4zCom7joqQBn3OLCojs4TBZHAM7BwtO8sl29YzDwFEFBP_9gRiAC1fpfBp-g/s320/16.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm not even supposed to be here today!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in the Evil Anti-Matter Universe (EAMU), the Anti-Monitor is overseeing a cannon that will destroy all five of the remaining realities. The logistics of a cannon that will destroy five entire dimensions simultaneously is probably something I should not spend too much time dwelling on, but suffice to say that is sounds really imposing the first time you read it, especially when coupled with the menacing closeup of the Anti-Monitor (stupid new costume notwithstanding), but with each successive pass the idea sounds increasingly implausible. Not only would the cannon need a profoundly wide range, but it would require a blast that vibrates on 5 different dimensional frequencies.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhazIdOiMozIlxkm2llS23DItxHwJ2kMMkTStz-iX9yxMVs3dqdn24RuAgu5cz1z-vwzLTC5IwuWnglI5c1ytH9R9lftTBgeIl_DVZtoePR3o8M8TH2Y1KHUfJb_YZ6kl-eyTItJkaFjII/s1600/17.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhazIdOiMozIlxkm2llS23DItxHwJ2kMMkTStz-iX9yxMVs3dqdn24RuAgu5cz1z-vwzLTC5IwuWnglI5c1ytH9R9lftTBgeIl_DVZtoePR3o8M8TH2Y1KHUfJb_YZ6kl-eyTItJkaFjII/s320/17.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">After six issues of captivity, this is satisfaction distilled.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGFDG5uM73IAiw4h9pAq5XKdjL-guEQmRMnbKTbp3EIh3IYtD9o1eIjeBwASgH59cWGCL84keQgadlZK_Vh3hHVVuIU-4322Fmb2YRi0cHI1xX0hvXsso-AUkXygzLunopnyNTyqufqc/s1600/18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJGFDG5uM73IAiw4h9pAq5XKdjL-guEQmRMnbKTbp3EIh3IYtD9o1eIjeBwASgH59cWGCL84keQgadlZK_Vh3hHVVuIU-4322Fmb2YRi0cHI1xX0hvXsso-AUkXygzLunopnyNTyqufqc/s320/18.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I seriously wish he was rattling off a string of profanities <br />
he learned from The Old Man. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Despite some pretty worried thought balloons, Psycho-Pirate is being his usual flippant, cocky self towards Flash. I'm starting to think he might be a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is utterly self-interested and self-motivated, has consistently shown exactly zero interest in others' feelings or how his actions impact others (which is doubly impressive when you consider the fact that his powers are by nature empathic), and is pretty theatrical about pretty much everything he does, and always making himself the center of attention by playing to an audience whether or not one exists. Granted, he's a villain, but even by the metric of villains, he seems to exist solely to be a jerk. Darkseid is an imperious, master strategist with his entire planet and literally matters of life and death on his mind. Villains closer to Psycho-Pirate's pay grade have vendettas and objectives that bring them into conflict with do-gooders, such as fellow Monitor recruits, Dr. Polaris and Psimon, who still have their villainous flourishes in terms of methodology and dialogue (in this era, they tend to call people fools and dolts), but still manage to work cooperatively with the heroes when called upon in this series, because, well, the Earth is where they keep all their stuff. Psycho-Pirate seems to be driven solely out of a need for attention and/or sustenance. And considering he feeds off others' emotions, his sustenance is effectively attention.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVGJqygdnyNYUsL5R_898buLJQM_eXST35yvi28jaqafATEiZU3f5_kuNKP70x797UjRrU1AkY7Y8NPjxy3VAlsot_gDvw8VOFbaPRLCqSmn4zYOZuzUEsZ4Xymvj61YgtFghUsnx5Fc/s1600/19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrVGJqygdnyNYUsL5R_898buLJQM_eXST35yvi28jaqafATEiZU3f5_kuNKP70x797UjRrU1AkY7Y8NPjxy3VAlsot_gDvw8VOFbaPRLCqSmn4zYOZuzUEsZ4Xymvj61YgtFghUsnx5Fc/s320/19.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Barry ain't fuckin' around.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Psy-Pi is about to go into another one of his sessions of taunting/emotionally torturing Flash when the scarlet speedster catches him by surprise, having freed himself from his captivity, he spins off his yellow tentacle bindings and manages to both sucker punch Psy-Pi and knock out the Thunderer (Anti-Monitor's home grown caste of overseers) on guard duty. Psy-Pi attempts to put the psychic whammy on Flash again, but after days and days of torment, it causes something in the Flash to snap and goes on a full-on "Ralphie vs Scut Farkus from <i>Christmas Story</i>" freak out, pummeling Psy-Pi in a flurry of fists and fury. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZbhk6HipUmmTe3ZfnGgNF4J-YFqCd5zN7ZclyjgHGMiW6Et04C763bforiQcZXKoJNg6ZjRGNN9phgJ9zyPCjt5kBC51FRxrKygrykpe-bFw3XwGtOtuyBf4QeIplopzZLjFtl8RmyIA/s1600/21.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZbhk6HipUmmTe3ZfnGgNF4J-YFqCd5zN7ZclyjgHGMiW6Et04C763bforiQcZXKoJNg6ZjRGNN9phgJ9zyPCjt5kBC51FRxrKygrykpe-bFw3XwGtOtuyBf4QeIplopzZLjFtl8RmyIA/s320/21.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">#Teapartiers #Trumpsupporters. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZbhk6HipUmmTe3ZfnGgNF4J-YFqCd5zN7ZclyjgHGMiW6Et04C763bforiQcZXKoJNg6ZjRGNN9phgJ9zyPCjt5kBC51FRxrKygrykpe-bFw3XwGtOtuyBf4QeIplopzZLjFtl8RmyIA/s1600/21.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>Psy-Pi begs for mercy, offering to do anything he wants and Flash already has a plan in mind. He rapidly carries Psy-Pi around Anti-Monitor's lair, and inflicts Psy-Pi on each and every one of Anti-Monitor's Thunderers, turning each and every one of them violently against their master. During the distraction, Fearful of Anti-Monitor's retribution, Psy-Pi begs Flash to save him, as usual throwing himself in with whichever option is most convenient. But after weeks of torture, Flash doesn't have too many qualms about knocking Psy-Pi out and leaving him to his master's tender mercies.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyVN6EHtTcRdYYvc81r0Pv3zbHXX_iSnmEIRAyOTdmGOzt_6AH5DqcgYHKjQxKPr6fKNKzisrsXeicTKL7IqDFa5auPIWGDVYkQqsLUiYEzRe9MCF7o5zsR7FG04Qlu-9XQ9RJlsmEHBM/s1600/22.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyVN6EHtTcRdYYvc81r0Pv3zbHXX_iSnmEIRAyOTdmGOzt_6AH5DqcgYHKjQxKPr6fKNKzisrsXeicTKL7IqDFa5auPIWGDVYkQqsLUiYEzRe9MCF7o5zsR7FG04Qlu-9XQ9RJlsmEHBM/s1600/22.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Normally, this would make me think he's<br />
being possessed or mind controlled.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Admittedly, this struck me as a bit of a dick move for his character. I'm so used to Wally (or live-action Barry with Wally's personality) being a hero that tries to see the good in others and is a bit quicker to forgive than he ought to be, especially when someone is already defeated or at their lowest ebb that I was genuinely taken aback by this jerkass moment. It seems to go against the "big damn hero" to kick your opponent when he's down, but then I consider how long he has not only been subjugated but psychologically tomented and effectively psychically raped by Psy-Pi using him as a source of sustenance. It's understandable why he doesn't give any fucks about him at this point.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNzL-txcLOmY9Wt1IboDC5Dv3OEnAllkUZFbU8Ot7yEl6nYT-7cTT_T0ojJSKMyKwb-rYoSjeBXTn8S2MKc2tYRTr_T7cTnog2v4XNlg4fscw46mbvYXDQUeOhekXimCCbvHKQDeHWTWA/s1600/23.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNzL-txcLOmY9Wt1IboDC5Dv3OEnAllkUZFbU8Ot7yEl6nYT-7cTT_T0ojJSKMyKwb-rYoSjeBXTn8S2MKc2tYRTr_T7cTnog2v4XNlg4fscw46mbvYXDQUeOhekXimCCbvHKQDeHWTWA/s320/23.JPG" width="315" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A profound mixture of determination and resignation</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Flash speeds across the base and finally comes to the anti-matter cannon, which looks like a cyberpunk gyroscope spinning around a globe of kirby crackle. I doubt I would have pieced together what, if anything, this was supposed to be. But as a practitioner of comic book science, Barry Allen knows right away what a huge threat this is (even if again, it is conceptually pretty silly) and concludes that he has to do whatever he has to in order to destroy it. And so the Flash turns to his signature problem-solving tactic: running. He pushes himself harder and faster than he ever has before in order to repel the energies of the cannon back into its source.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs-fGr-030CrLP6Nu-VjwslrVnT_tyhzNYzx4yyUgS4ZRrHuR5Zkt3rz_CUq1-GRA9mtlVhxBPSngKOj9mgaB8BptTWyiZP3annMTxV6FrNrH9zt1t93SeNKKhEu74vMUQMEk9JPrLSSE/s1600/24.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs-fGr-030CrLP6Nu-VjwslrVnT_tyhzNYzx4yyUgS4ZRrHuR5Zkt3rz_CUq1-GRA9mtlVhxBPSngKOj9mgaB8BptTWyiZP3annMTxV6FrNrH9zt1t93SeNKKhEu74vMUQMEk9JPrLSSE/s320/24.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I think we could have subbed out Joker for <br />
someone else he cares about in this kind of moment.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It's actually pretty impressive that even with all he's suffered since this series began and with being in the middle of what he he's doing he still manages to be both incredible introspective as well as keep himself focused on the mission. As a reader, you suddenly realize that he knew that this was both a Hail Mary play and a suicide mission from the moment he broke free of his bonds. He knew how heavily the deck was stacked against him. He's outnumbered, at least had to know he was far beyond reach of Earth, let alone his home reality, and considering the display of power the Anti-Monitor had shown thus far, he could only get so far by distracting him before getting caught again. What he's doing is going out on his terms, after days or weeks of subjugation, he's using his final moments as a defiant assertion of his own agency.<br />
<br />
He successfully destroys the casing of the weapon, causing the energies to escape. Still his task is not at an end as he pushes himself so hard that time becomes askew and he starts getting flashes from the past of Kid Flash, the Joker, and Batman (the latter two were from their earlier scene way back in issue #2). I think this moment could have been expanded upon (we're coming up shortly on what could have been cut to make room) by seeing significant moments from his past, such as his marriage to and death of Iris, kissing Reverse Flash, gaining his powers, or mentoring Wally. What we see does reflect where he's popped up before during <i>Crisis</i> but they don't have the extra oomph that a "past flashing before my eyes" kind of moment ought to have. I figure Wolfman and Perez opted for images that would tie it into the event better, which is understandable, since otherwise those previous ghostly appearances of him feel like big-lipped alligator moments.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJ7wRPQqcQZD_cTKC4J89Ww8upKziOHMletLjegp-e2UXeW7jUffrMOuyyILbn8kFqIGe1sM-7VNYre1F73dBstgSOsgWKbFy0R8Vr0UlHwW6XicOoGFsP4hlDObRZBrSmmQIWnJPvHM/s1600/25.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIJ7wRPQqcQZD_cTKC4J89Ww8upKziOHMletLjegp-e2UXeW7jUffrMOuyyILbn8kFqIGe1sM-7VNYre1F73dBstgSOsgWKbFy0R8Vr0UlHwW6XicOoGFsP4hlDObRZBrSmmQIWnJPvHM/s320/25.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dying on his own terms in a just cause rather than <br />
on his knnes at the Anti-Monitor's hands.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He succeeds in his mission, causing the mission to explode, but it seems that in the process that Flash pushed himself too far to save himself as we see him panel by panel become emaciated and ultimately vanish. I believe he'll later be said to have become one with the Speed Force, but I don't know if that's the original intent or a retcon.<br />
<br />
Barry's sacrifice lacks the grand outpouring of mourning that Kara had, which is a shame for a character who had been such an integral part of the DCU for decades at that point. You think of the deaths of big A-listers, especially in DC, and you imagine the full pomp and circumstance funeral of a hero/funeral of a friend story, just as we had last week with Kara, but this time his death goes unsung. It's both sad and noble. Where it lacks the news coverage and a eulogy from Batgirl, the narration and the visuals provide an insight that let the reader know that this sacrifice will be felt even if it goes unknown, its impact will not go unnoticed.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8uOp801GqJS3AI9lsjfWhnJklXofSWo0Vk5n_EqOzdBuxJOisF1tujn8XFCdUGHIQbP26gID49vFjelAgLDCHQBq4EUSliH51S14s-J6euPmCuH8aRXgUHajnT27VXdNzdZOG5V7qObg/s1600/barry%2527s+last+hurrah.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8uOp801GqJS3AI9lsjfWhnJklXofSWo0Vk5n_EqOzdBuxJOisF1tujn8XFCdUGHIQbP26gID49vFjelAgLDCHQBq4EUSliH51S14s-J6euPmCuH8aRXgUHajnT27VXdNzdZOG5V7qObg/s400/barry%2527s+last+hurrah.JPG" width="390" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This narration is almost as good as a big funeral with the entire Justice League. Almost.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anti-Monitor is most displeased and gives the most stock of stock villain speeches. It might as well end with "Next time, Gadget! Next time!" It's indicative of one of the major failings of the character. As I said before, he's less of a character than he is a concept. He's the crux around which this story hinges, but his basic dossier of "more evil than the worst villain you can think of" pretty much sums it up." He's scary and foreboding, but I don't know what makes him tick, other than evil for evil's sake, which doesn't make for a very dynamic or all that interesting an antagonist.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7EeyhlKUkr_eJw13R465rU5vB3fxbr5hfYnYyIRrd93VWyCD-evwvncgvH8jqwMC0qV3VIyHcrS54SWnuWqzswCQL4fflEx4z35yNZuKeq_HHxcQQXmM6YAONsHxksiMLPibk7xhgIoU/s1600/27+Next+Time+Gadget%2521.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7EeyhlKUkr_eJw13R465rU5vB3fxbr5hfYnYyIRrd93VWyCD-evwvncgvH8jqwMC0qV3VIyHcrS54SWnuWqzswCQL4fflEx4z35yNZuKeq_HHxcQQXmM6YAONsHxksiMLPibk7xhgIoU/s400/27+Next+Time+Gadget%2521.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And i would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Elsewhere on Earth-1, the Challengers of the Unknown, for whom I have no frame of reference and who serve no purpose other than acting as a Greek chorus to this issue's epilogue, are using their equipment in their non-evil mountain lair to scan for... stuff... in space... I guess. One of them asks about subspace readings that Superman had asked about. I don't think that was covered in a previous issue and I don't know if it will pay off later. Regardless, their ears are suddenly assailed by a scream of fantastic might that is something otherworldly. We turn the final page of the issue and there, looming massively over the five Earths of the remaining multiverse is the Spectre, surrounded by Kirby dots and lightning, mourning for the fate of the multiverse and his impotence in the face of its doom.<br />
<div>
<br />
Effectively, I think this issue should have ended two pages earlier. You had the noble sacrifice coupled with some beautiful narration, plus a coda for the <strike>silly</strike> foreboding threat of continual presence and greater danger from the primary antagonist. It was if not perfect, then at least incredibly good. But the story sticks around for another page and a half longer than it needs to and really feels like when you're hosting a party and want to go to bed around, but there are people who refuse to leave, and not even people you know-- friends of friends of friends. Even if I hadn't been reading the latter half of this issue later in the evening, I would have still been put off by the creative team stepping on the toes of the loss of a major character by scotch taping this bunch of randos as far as the reader is concerned for a requisite ominous final splash page. Hm. It just occurs to me that the previous issue (aka #7 aka the best issue thus far) is the only one that didn't feel compelled to include a cliffhanger final splash. Funny that...<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
This issue had an incredibly tough act to follow. Just like last time, it isn't a perfect issue, but again the highs of the issue as well as its sense of consequence in the actions of its protagonists make up for the issue's less impressive moments. That being said, I don't think this issue reaches neither the apex of Supergirl vs Anti-Monitor nor the nadir of 10 solid pages of primordial backstory. It is a solidly good example of storytelling.<br />
<br /></div>
katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-24022147737225537462016-05-25T12:00:00.000-07:002016-05-25T12:00:27.918-07:00Supergirl's last gleaming<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipX6HK63vzbCkOwbmLW8Am0uag7LvRrgYh1ZuepwEM_Q9o4M6IWadPhQOR35P0HOFRnaQIMS3ByibWnEsNBlVVRWu0mny_Vjp7OWZxa7ouxwMWpqXMjIHGgIhWrieS2QZRiB-iEQgLQ4o/s1600/00+one+of+the+most+iconic+covers+of+all+time.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipX6HK63vzbCkOwbmLW8Am0uag7LvRrgYh1ZuepwEM_Q9o4M6IWadPhQOR35P0HOFRnaQIMS3ByibWnEsNBlVVRWu0mny_Vjp7OWZxa7ouxwMWpqXMjIHGgIhWrieS2QZRiB-iEQgLQ4o/s400/00+one+of+the+most+iconic+covers+of+all+time.JPG" width="258" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of comics' most iconic covers.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Before I say anything else, I think after slogging through the first 6 issues of this series with my opinions of them being decidedly in the mixed category, I can happily say that this issue was fantastic. It's focused, has a sense of purpose, and has a sense of stakes and consequences that feel real. More importantly, I felt an emotional reverberation that the first 6 issues honestly lacked. The previous issues all seem like they are constantly at risk of buckling under the weight and scope of the sprawling narrative that ranges across time, and space, and realities. With this issue, however, the story zeroes in on characters in a way it hadn't before. Oh, don't get me wrong, the gratuitous size of the cast is still there, but the POV doesn't shift quite so often. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the old beat-by-beat...<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Lyla and Alexander are
floating around in space on an asteroid. Lyla is pretty much tapped as far as
powers and Alexander is pretty much being kept to the rear for some sort of
final trump card because he is made of both matter and anti-matter. Pariah appears
insists that Lyla must know why the Monitor set up his “eternal life/appear at
mass misery” powers. She says she does and says that perhaps it is time for
explanations, but first she tells him to take the three of them to earth, where
“all will be enlightened.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Cut to Earth-S, home of
Captain Marvel, Mary Marvel, Uncle Marvel, and presumably Fetus Marvel. Also, an anthropomorphic tiger because Earth-S is the best place in the DC Multiverse.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWiimOyOnlsStZcChrSu6uXMvDm3SN-PGvkmRZlJo2ZzJKlDZOlgW7KKiuZQbceYnsa8HHxGkAut9xDP5n98OA1oazYt2WEw3iLvdDhJmFPd4a5IpAeY4-nQopz7hgDm0VMMIz10W2qE/s1600/02+anthropomorphic+tiger%252C+your+argument+is+invalid.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibWiimOyOnlsStZcChrSu6uXMvDm3SN-PGvkmRZlJo2ZzJKlDZOlgW7KKiuZQbceYnsa8HHxGkAut9xDP5n98OA1oazYt2WEw3iLvdDhJmFPd4a5IpAeY4-nQopz7hgDm0VMMIz10W2qE/s1600/02+anthropomorphic+tiger%252C+your+argument+is+invalid.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This looks like the beginning of <span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><strike>furry slash</strike> </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">a beautiful </span><br />
friendship.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Two
characters I’m assuming are part of Captain Marvel’s rogues gallery are having
a discussion. Sivana is your run of the mill 50’s mad scientist. Short, bald,
round glasses, lab coat. Ibbac seems to be his designated hired muscle. Big,
not too bright, doesn’t wear a shirt (very hairy chest—woof),and has a short
proto-mohawk. Sivana thinks he’s ahead of the curve. He tells Ibbac of his plan
to take over all five Earths before anyone knows what has happened. Captain
Marvel appears, totally interrupted the supervillain monologue because I’m
assuming Captain Marvel, his alter being only a kid, lacks proper
superhero/villain etiquette. Before that gets too far Sivana and Ibbac vanish.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7FmbZv6cg8zTa9Az0jFYcIbAciAFrD-71frIybbOdatMXcghxfFkQVRdRMVn3AnsGEtErX236b5rR4dW3YOC_ImS8UHejxkRtWPJuI3F_3RyNxn8f4FXEuvqrTGakFVVoto3_Wkk6-sE/s1600/01+the+murkey+and+lurky+of+quality+comics.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7FmbZv6cg8zTa9Az0jFYcIbAciAFrD-71frIybbOdatMXcghxfFkQVRdRMVn3AnsGEtErX236b5rR4dW3YOC_ImS8UHejxkRtWPJuI3F_3RyNxn8f4FXEuvqrTGakFVVoto3_Wkk6-sE/s1600/01+the+murkey+and+lurky+of+quality+comics.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Murky and Lurky of Earth-S</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">We see that Psycho
Pirate’s hold on the heroes of Earth-4, Earth-S, and Earth-X has dissipated and
they’re playing nice with the Earth-1/Earth-2 heroes who were sent there to
help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Meanwhile, the heroes of Earth-2 commiserate over their maimed comrade, Wildcat. They are secretly observed by someone who
was on the scene when it happened, Yolanda Montez. She seems to know who his
secret identity is. Her thought bubbles say she regrets never having told him
about her own powers and regrets that they would have made a good team. In this
issue, she has donned his costume, which really must have been taken in to be
such a snug fit on a woman. She’s the new Wildcat. If this proves important is
anybody’s guess.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2njQGqpdaEc5NGMx8ogFnEO6I2GzrGZ0dPKT8BVjUvnHpoc272j4zYjEW4sw_NUXAYyEwzB6HdaZvfSs8cwv4lXL1XX-REErDJUA0jBlFtlox2124nEfZKSH8FCQ0rC7TI_qpkzSC8Ws/s1600/03a+the+exposition+asteroid.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="307" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2njQGqpdaEc5NGMx8ogFnEO6I2GzrGZ0dPKT8BVjUvnHpoc272j4zYjEW4sw_NUXAYyEwzB6HdaZvfSs8cwv4lXL1XX-REErDJUA0jBlFtlox2124nEfZKSH8FCQ0rC7TI_qpkzSC8Ws/s400/03a+the+exposition+asteroid.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Exposition station has been downsized to Exposition asteroid.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><br />
</b> Back to the whole universally-significant plot, Lyla, Alexander,
and Pariah have gathered up six characters, one from a different Earth, only
five of them from a still extant Earth: the Superman of Earth-1, the Superman
of Earth-2 (the older one), the Blue Beetle of Earth-4, Lady Quark of Earth-6
(the sole survivor), Uncle Sam (yes that Uncle Sam) of Earth-X, and Captain
Marvel of Earth-S. Also, Alexander is from Earth-3 and Pariah is, safe to
assume, not from one of the main Earths either, but the writers seem to have
forgotten that. Lyla is telling these representatives the big explanation in
the hopes that they will explain it to the rest of the population of their respective
earths. <o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9nt3lTZLlPVDIy0bUqaF10tjh7w3OwnSPJ3Yzl2UX_w_apn05U6ur-rMEX0WCZmqaq0up9KDPtxTwOuuGV816THUaO0a_9HUO16BUMui_KuIrot3yGUUaYZgOKHE6P1KYgzPDiA-kXY/s1600/03b+our+delegates+at+the+multiversal+roundtable.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ9nt3lTZLlPVDIy0bUqaF10tjh7w3OwnSPJ3Yzl2UX_w_apn05U6ur-rMEX0WCZmqaq0up9KDPtxTwOuuGV816THUaO0a_9HUO16BUMui_KuIrot3yGUUaYZgOKHE6P1KYgzPDiA-kXY/s320/03b+our+delegates+at+the+multiversal+roundtable.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Elections were not held, I'm taking it.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Ages ago, there was
only one universe and the people of the planet Oa (distinguished by their blue
skin, white hair, and penchant for robes) were the sole residents (or sole
residence of consequence) and were an immortal, scientifically advanced utopia.
That is… until one of them who is selfish about his scientific discoveries,
named Krona, scienced too hard and created both the Evil Anti-Matter Universe
and the multiverse. Oa seems to be the only planet without duplicates in the
other dimensions with the exception of the exception of the EAMU, where it is
known as Qward (Oa being the one from the Positive Matter Universe). As
punishment for his actions, Krona is turned into immortal incorporeal energy…
because no comic book character has ever come back from an eternal prison or
anything like that. Oh, when he’s sentenced he’s totally saying “you will
suffer for this,” putting him firmly in General Zod territory.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HuAvdruAWNn5elk_opr2XWrcKJcu2d6S52TjHAQeLToB2bZtPqms6gsl2bk2PIEGwSVxZUnYpjfsJabwDMTmbF5Y1CAvgPkyHhFWEeHwcTRmrJNKP8NU3Wuryqu_gS6804GlGWCNo70/s1600/04.2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HuAvdruAWNn5elk_opr2XWrcKJcu2d6S52TjHAQeLToB2bZtPqms6gsl2bk2PIEGwSVxZUnYpjfsJabwDMTmbF5Y1CAvgPkyHhFWEeHwcTRmrJNKP8NU3Wuryqu_gS6804GlGWCNo70/s320/04.2.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
The Oans get hypervigilant about maintaining the integrity of the
multiverse and anti-matter universe, since one of their own was responsible. At
first they created the Manhunters, which were machines, but later abandoned
them in favor of creating the Green Lantern Corps. [Quick case of backtracking
for something I forgot to mention in an earlier recap. GL John Stewart and
other corpsmen have been having trouble using their rings. A trip to
present-day Oa in issue 5 or 6 revealed that the Guardians are trapped in a
stasis field. These two facts will probably tie into this somehow.]<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The GLC’s rings are powered by an energy
source the Oans generate. I don’t see how this really fits into the multiverse,
since the GLC acts more like intergalactic cops than interdimensional ones. But
I digress… Not all Oans were satisfied with the GLC, which led to an Oan civil
war, resulting in half the Oan population to an alternate dimension, where they
built destructive weapons and evolved into a race known as “The Controllers.”
I’ll hazard a guess and say they’re bad news.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6WE8vYdjBREEdeUPruyFzXt6OMb2whFUx8gMYaBCUQlz7p1ItwyxWQb8MACGiZWGDBN-bbMlRWSwOWJsu9JmPc7ISld7YJtR6lRE5tKVfN-ea4Dr4AXWU70g8NTeM1gXTSZXGi0xL9Jc/s1600/04.3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6WE8vYdjBREEdeUPruyFzXt6OMb2whFUx8gMYaBCUQlz7p1ItwyxWQb8MACGiZWGDBN-bbMlRWSwOWJsu9JmPc7ISld7YJtR6lRE5tKVfN-ea4Dr4AXWU70g8NTeM1gXTSZXGi0xL9Jc/s320/04.3.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wonder if they shrank and went nearly bald as a species from dealing with the likes of Kilowog.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Over the course of the millenia, it's probably important to note, they evolved from fairly humanoid with blue skin into blue yoda-sized guys. </div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0XgdCnNEAcGNQxbMSxWiqf6WY4TYAtNIjjeTmjdpJhPBTbeo7Y8QuKweqB3doV6ruS2mvTKl4eZzBqm0To-zGYzrIDuXBeB1rypcPG5J4YEIp-O2RKGElFi73EJ2isU_DD93uxcJI4n8/s1600/04.5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="164" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0XgdCnNEAcGNQxbMSxWiqf6WY4TYAtNIjjeTmjdpJhPBTbeo7Y8QuKweqB3doV6ruS2mvTKl4eZzBqm0To-zGYzrIDuXBeB1rypcPG5J4YEIp-O2RKGElFi73EJ2isU_DD93uxcJI4n8/s320/04.5.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anti-Monitor might as well be a space zombie.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On
the moons of Oa and Qward, respectively, the Monitor and Anti-Monitor sprang
into being. The Anti-Monitor took control of Qward and created an army of
“thunderers” (no idea what those are), the elite among them he changed into the
shadow demons who have been plaguing the heroes on the various Earths in the
COIE series thus far. With these, he conquered the EAMU.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2Ogk3i2yJkDXxCAL3lvBNBgWYT-bKWGiQxfAiAc4heU3Az84QAhrCCH0000W7ENZ87xr-_TZeMTpusLMnPVz9m4p3qs6FtxB92yZ_ZhRIKI-6zKT-fDxmhu-cL-FUqgd6oZ4uqStIlU/s1600/04.7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="73" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2Ogk3i2yJkDXxCAL3lvBNBgWYT-bKWGiQxfAiAc4heU3Az84QAhrCCH0000W7ENZ87xr-_TZeMTpusLMnPVz9m4p3qs6FtxB92yZ_ZhRIKI-6zKT-fDxmhu-cL-FUqgd6oZ4uqStIlU/s320/04.7.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Meanwhile, the Monitor
was basically going the route of asceticism—meditation and learning the secrets
of the universe. Running out of things to conquer, Anti-Monitor sensed the
Monitor across the multiverse, recognizing him both as his other self and as
something to be conquered, resulting in a million years of stalemated warring
between them until they both blasted each other into a very long comatose state
for 9 million years. It turns out that Pariah was the one who woke the
Anti-Monitor. He considers it 1 of 3 of the sins he must atone for. Thought we
were done with the info dump? Ah, such optimism…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6S5jABsg3yGAbDOYuzvKncREzwq-p1h-f2I479WeVonIK0Mwctd1LfvE_0KhU85Ox0YK85QleFLsBwpK_AE4vwWg3IWuERmyXomuq9f8lm6bykhyphenhyphen2S1rFY6SeaktP9oxvWbLuZeeIYI/s1600/05.1+unreliable+narrator.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq6S5jABsg3yGAbDOYuzvKncREzwq-p1h-f2I479WeVonIK0Mwctd1LfvE_0KhU85Ox0YK85QleFLsBwpK_AE4vwWg3IWuERmyXomuq9f8lm6bykhyphenhyphen2S1rFY6SeaktP9oxvWbLuZeeIYI/s400/05.1+unreliable+narrator.JPG" width="232" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Unreliable narrator?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Pariah can’t even tell us which
Earth he’s from, it’s just a foggy memory for him. Like most of the major
players riding COIE’s backstory asteroid, he was a brilliant scientist who
created wonders that damn near created a perfect world—he was like Jesus,
DaVinci, and Caesar Augustus all rolled into one. Then he discovered the
existence of the multiverse, which was frowned on by his people because they
have a damnation prophesy regarding learning the origins of the universe, but
he (like most comic book scientists, I now realize) is made up of 99% hubris. He
builds an anti-matter chamber to explore the multiverse and destroyed his
universe in the process because matter and anti-matter cannot co-exist. Whoops.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3khnwSh7POSw24l6U1Ejhqk3Qyvxdu9_WOHn6SQmmo21BnlLcgBkyZmkA96e2sUgi-FdJNcbNT640iT7tURReFzQ3z9IblMQ_aDeJaBaUsh4umkgn3pLvc5T5W9cFUC9Iytypv6V1kw/s1600/05.2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL3khnwSh7POSw24l6U1Ejhqk3Qyvxdu9_WOHn6SQmmo21BnlLcgBkyZmkA96e2sUgi-FdJNcbNT640iT7tURReFzQ3z9IblMQ_aDeJaBaUsh4umkgn3pLvc5T5W9cFUC9Iytypv6V1kw/s320/05.2.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what we in the professional world call a "whoopsie daisy."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
He was kept alive in solitude for 1 million years. The explosion of his world
caused the Anti-Monitor to awaken and feed upon the energies of Pariah’s world,
making him stronger and more powerful than the Monitor. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWlqdXgYSKC0LU5zvpr6_Xv847uBglyhbT88V0y0fRpHMBJa06HsjFsQkSq992aU1zpijfKLr8iiEr6J2S3lIsIRIVZhY0sxvCR7qEs3hpbjcrv9vIER8su-AGuAanv5a5Yx8Qx7jpeD0/s1600/05.3+not+3+sins%252C+1+sin+with+three+repercussion+his+only+sin+is+pride+biblical+analogy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWlqdXgYSKC0LU5zvpr6_Xv847uBglyhbT88V0y0fRpHMBJa06HsjFsQkSq992aU1zpijfKLr8iiEr6J2S3lIsIRIVZhY0sxvCR7qEs3hpbjcrv9vIER8su-AGuAanv5a5Yx8Qx7jpeD0/s320/05.3+not+3+sins%252C+1+sin+with+three+repercussion+his+only+sin+is+pride+biblical+analogy.JPG" width="320" /></a>To Summarize Pariah’s Three Sins:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Exploding his own universe.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->The Explosion awakening the Anti-Monitor.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->The Anti-Monitor increasing his powers by
feedings on the energies of the exploded universe.<br />
Conclusion: So, he didn’t really commit three sins. He committed one sin that
had compounded levels of bad results.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Lyla chimes in to mention
that he also woke up the Monitor. Silver linings… Being more proactive this
time, and made Pariah into a being with the ability to sense and be drawn to
dimensionally cataclysmic events and he would follow Pariah to them. But with
every universe the Anti-Monitor destroys, the Monitor’s powers wane. The
Monitor looked for heroes to aid in his mission and in the process, he found
Lyla as a girl drowning at sea and takes her as his own and raises her as his
daughter.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglZVIB-lGhyphenhyphenBHHPH7sOmmSzxHZuq79TjoXTFD7imGW9kYNsKtRcyj6INdivXM0Dbi15zGrGACqnvWBspMySnQAJOfaKp0ixymHiduRl17uopwktG_ZhrEMEdSERP96KGY0Km4X8B4JYgM/s1600/06.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="143" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglZVIB-lGhyphenhyphenBHHPH7sOmmSzxHZuq79TjoXTFD7imGW9kYNsKtRcyj6INdivXM0Dbi15zGrGACqnvWBspMySnQAJOfaKp0ixymHiduRl17uopwktG_ZhrEMEdSERP96KGY0Km4X8B4JYgM/s320/06.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Isn't this the same backstory for Fury and/or Troia? <br />
Pretty homogeneous origin story for Amazons not named Diana, huh?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now that we’re done this, Lady Quark is about ready to pounce on
Pariah for his part in all this, but Captain Marvel holds her back while Uncle
Sam exhorts them all the band together instead of resorting to in-fighting.
Master strategist, that Uncle Sam…<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyvWChxIYGabC8XMxClTeSZcACG37FWjDbSJgWfsnrLwVKdtjJHEVO2rU4IfIOAvI8u8SyMxTCrY-8vnSjfPcrlU8MkYd4e40wXL1-rB0oYpKjCyXzJ-geHbAwo_rseyothskJA-02wA/s1600/07.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyvWChxIYGabC8XMxClTeSZcACG37FWjDbSJgWfsnrLwVKdtjJHEVO2rU4IfIOAvI8u8SyMxTCrY-8vnSjfPcrlU8MkYd4e40wXL1-rB0oYpKjCyXzJ-geHbAwo_rseyothskJA-02wA/s320/07.JPG" width="257" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Calling her "ma'am" is actually kind of charming.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br />
Next, we
are treated to a page where each row of panels includes different heroes across
different Earths are discussing their situation, having presumably been caught
up on the details. Earth 1: Spectre, Deadman, and The Phantom Stranger are having
a meeting of the Spooky Club. Earth 2 has Power Girl and Huntress [sidebar:
Earth-2’s Huntress is the daughter of Bruce and Selina Wayne and she’s all
kinds of cool].<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0_lpEIYJAkH6AHdwwGMnazdGT5UAzUJhKxtft_robM7MvF7b5o_eC3qx_ginMb_J5c8xwX1GPIUN65NNtlkFqz9nWD66UJySMLaM3B8wCS-8J7A4Llm_T5EGxhoHyWTmMu8L_sJGRxh8/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0_lpEIYJAkH6AHdwwGMnazdGT5UAzUJhKxtft_robM7MvF7b5o_eC3qx_ginMb_J5c8xwX1GPIUN65NNtlkFqz9nWD66UJySMLaM3B8wCS-8J7A4Llm_T5EGxhoHyWTmMu8L_sJGRxh8/s320/09.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Possibly a callback to Supergirl and Batgirl's scene from issue #4</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Earth-X has clearly the most important characters ever: a pink
“Dead Pirate Roberts” lookalike named Firebrand, a guy in a hazmat suit named
Human Bomb, and Dollman. He seems to be about 10”, wears red ankle boots, and
Dr Strange’s cape. Earth-4 has Blue Beetle, who must have since returned from
the Exposition Asteroid, talking to Nightshade and Peacemaker. Earth-S features
the Marvel family worrying about Captain Marvel, but it cannot go without
saying how fun it is to see Beast Boy, who was one of the Earth-1&2
characters sent there last issue,
fluttering about as a pterodactyl, as is appropriate behavior for any
megamorph when extinction is nigh.<br />
<br />
We
return again to the Storytime Asteroid, where a large fighting force of heavy
hitters has been gathered. It is explained that while Pariah can go to the next
cataclysmic event, he can’t take people with them (that time he teleported Lady
Quark to safety must have been a one-time deal), so Alex, being composed of
both matter and anti-matter is the residential transit macguffin of COIE.
Monitor instinctively knew this, which is why he sent for him in the first
place. Sidebar, Alexander has grown to manhood and has a curly red mullet.
Alexander opens a portal and the narration compares it to the parting of the
Red Sea.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAOeHYhtO3cJJ9VZGO7-gw2VSpmeegdfHzYzVcAIbqSF7f1MvRwrU2BSBj-KxVYigi7QSMMTMYIVL4Kph32ACEbbQVLGHNS1E8NVWSlzJxWxZZfieLIjfA980vxBIkKzG7NlAkSQH6r1Q/s1600/10a+Alexander+is+positively+beatific+before+things+go+terribly+wrong.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAOeHYhtO3cJJ9VZGO7-gw2VSpmeegdfHzYzVcAIbqSF7f1MvRwrU2BSBj-KxVYigi7QSMMTMYIVL4Kph32ACEbbQVLGHNS1E8NVWSlzJxWxZZfieLIjfA980vxBIkKzG7NlAkSQH6r1Q/s320/10a+Alexander+is+positively+beatific+before+things+go+terribly+wrong.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christ imagery is heating up.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In this moment, Alexander, who like Kal-El, was put into a rocket as a
baby and shunted off into space in order to avoid a genocidal event, officially
becomes more of a Moses analogue than Superman. Pariah spells out what he said
a page ago by saying that as part of his atonement, it’s his job to lead the
heroes to the Anti-Monitor.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg05DIzFrd9MA5U1yOTel3cvFT-Zh4aFnaJ_ay9nyO8d0o3BDxEz-8gqs7e-cGGEhBumKJ5Y41L3yynElwbh2km_HKkMTM9tf3kCTlPbzujrAe6yf90kRG1M1bhCuh971qDFyy7W2gkBMU/s1600/10b+Alexander+is+moses.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg05DIzFrd9MA5U1yOTel3cvFT-Zh4aFnaJ_ay9nyO8d0o3BDxEz-8gqs7e-cGGEhBumKJ5Y41L3yynElwbh2km_HKkMTM9tf3kCTlPbzujrAe6yf90kRG1M1bhCuh971qDFyy7W2gkBMU/s320/10b+Alexander+is+moses.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Moses powers are a go!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The assembled heroes fly
through the “cosmic membrane” and the narration is in full congratulatory
tones. You can almost hear the intense orchestral John Williams music playing
in the background. They arrive at fortress that looks like an ancient near
eastern ruin floating in space. The heroes regard it as having never seen
anything like it.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ohT27UvdqXzPP1IdKRxzYV4f3qVDHvKrEs3tIkAK4QloLzq6P1qTDKBdQFuJCMU0bS3yuppdXeIhr9g5BQ0gXUz7snAW1APHkXfRJLAb49v47yXbKzZFtC3tqmRXMgaU0OiImUZC5AA/s1600/11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ohT27UvdqXzPP1IdKRxzYV4f3qVDHvKrEs3tIkAK4QloLzq6P1qTDKBdQFuJCMU0bS3yuppdXeIhr9g5BQ0gXUz7snAW1APHkXfRJLAb49v47yXbKzZFtC3tqmRXMgaU0OiImUZC5AA/s320/11.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">An evil lair as built by an ant colony.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Inside, Anti-Monitor
knows all, sees all and wants Psycho Pirate to use his powers to enslave the
oncoming heroes, however, PP is tapped out from having used his abilities on
the entire Earths of three different realities. Anti-Monitor is most displeased
and smacks PP around before deciding it’s time to take matters into his own
hands.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLaaJLtM8zxoJ-kMb9_MuYLge01ra_5B7XwumkqMcpuwUbvsXSGeZ-m8abptX9hc2tuW_7tp5HrDiiJ1TgjzALSy7Fd5GtLUoyvdaczZFSU1AehX61wx9YK_Yt3GnROKb_na8OelZ8XyE/s1600/13+Do+W%2526P+hate+Firestorm+as+much+as+the+reader+does.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLaaJLtM8zxoJ-kMb9_MuYLge01ra_5B7XwumkqMcpuwUbvsXSGeZ-m8abptX9hc2tuW_7tp5HrDiiJ1TgjzALSy7Fd5GtLUoyvdaczZFSU1AehX61wx9YK_Yt3GnROKb_na8OelZ8XyE/s320/13+Do+W%2526P+hate+Firestorm+as+much+as+the+reader+does.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I get the feeling that Prof Stein is fucking with him.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The heroes enter the outermost
extremes of the fortress. Characters notice a) their powers don’t work here the
same way as they do back in their world, b) they got into the fortress way too
easily, c) they’re all feeling afraid of what is to come. Light appears in the
mouths and eyes of the gargoyle-like statuary of the fortress and the very
stone and mortar of the building shapes itself into limbs and stone golems
assaulting the heroes. Lady Quark is beseeching the spirit of her husband to
help her blast their foes to pieces. Earth-2 Superman is shocked to discover
himself bleeding following a direct hit—Kryptonians, it seems are vulnerable
here. They are barely holding their own. The only hero who seems to have an
edge is Captain Atom. And it’s not even that great an advantage since his
ability to smash them to bits is counteracted by their ability to reform
themselves.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNfHwnGvBavr540981E3TgKSE8PYAirLshwlZCqA_3Wt-YQLmY_3GmVMmQOYY4tuQnQYAj7LqOKWaidsMCQZDviDxOtmPK9hkE36sKf6d9MUCVwFjPSU2qLQYYp_k98w4_7P7xUyliYxw/s1600/12+great+way+to+set+up+the+sense+of+danger+in+this+world+if+Supes+is+vulnerable.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNfHwnGvBavr540981E3TgKSE8PYAirLshwlZCqA_3Wt-YQLmY_3GmVMmQOYY4tuQnQYAj7LqOKWaidsMCQZDviDxOtmPK9hkE36sKf6d9MUCVwFjPSU2qLQYYp_k98w4_7P7xUyliYxw/s320/12+great+way+to+set+up+the+sense+of+danger+in+this+world+if+Supes+is+vulnerable.JPG" width="276" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This either raises the stakes or belies the color of the sun.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The party is split in the chaos.
Superman-1 is looking for Pariah. Pariah needs to forge ahead along with Dr.
Light while Superman-2 holds off the stone golems. Pariah is crushed by the
very infrastructure of the fortress seconds before Superman-1 catches up.
Timing is everything. Dr. Light suddenly has a really good focal point for her
pent up irritation. “The Anti-Monitor is going to pay,” and flies off. She
didn’t get the memo about Pariah’s immortality, but Superman did. He’s not
entirely certain if she’s a hero or villain, but she seems to have the morally
right agenda, so he chases after her.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZ2Ab44-FThRLYtl2hXEhsGVOdomcMXE5PSqV17VD_gWcdbsLR0I-JGYMF5fkhyphenhyphenU1ZtcW2ZGX_eAN16KA5zoqAsNO-nY3958a8mw_qXUqVWxfM7X0watRynKmL6Z-R9BBBQ3-FrRxoE0/s1600/14+she+is+so+boss+even+surrounded+by+longtime+vets.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="115" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzZ2Ab44-FThRLYtl2hXEhsGVOdomcMXE5PSqV17VD_gWcdbsLR0I-JGYMF5fkhyphenhyphenU1ZtcW2ZGX_eAN16KA5zoqAsNO-nY3958a8mw_qXUqVWxfM7X0watRynKmL6Z-R9BBBQ3-FrRxoE0/s400/14+she+is+so+boss+even+surrounded+by+longtime+vets.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dr. Light has mastered both English and empathy in a short time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Supes
reaches DrL. She’s vengeful not stupid, so she waited for him outside a chamber
containing a solar collector, a massive machine she deduces Anti-Monitor is
using to reduce the vibrational differences between the Earths. He asks if
she’s certain. Come on, Clark. You’re a reporter. She’s got a PhD. A PhD in
Science. Omni-disciplinary comic book science. She’s got this. She wants to
take this tech home to study, but Superman is feeling pretty punchy. Before
either can act on those urges, Superman is hit from behind with a powerful
blast of bright white energy. His pain is so intense and so visceral, his
scream appears as a sound effect instead of a word which Supergirl hears with
her superhearing and flies off to his aid knowing full-well that she might be
killed by something that can cause Superman to scream that way. Again, the
narration might as well be giving the superheroes one big collective blowjob.
EVERYTHING IS EPIC.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuPik_8SQeIzJ41yIiQAqeorUos33B_z4pOT8JfEyqk_ZHTEVSzm_pG3COW3fbyxgE6XqYjTZRSFgetVskmfq86Z4da-drvDsWUe54Hul5cmsJBQewOGWI6Zo4qPbxMkXEneu81JtD0UM/s1600/16+The+narration+in+this+section+is+showcase-worthy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuPik_8SQeIzJ41yIiQAqeorUos33B_z4pOT8JfEyqk_ZHTEVSzm_pG3COW3fbyxgE6XqYjTZRSFgetVskmfq86Z4da-drvDsWUe54Hul5cmsJBQewOGWI6Zo4qPbxMkXEneu81JtD0UM/s320/16+The+narration+in+this+section+is+showcase-worthy.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
And I am not using that word lightly. Everything from this point and forward in the issue is worthy of viking songs or Klingon opera. The narration is beautifully purple and gives this half of the issue the emotional weight is richly deserves.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQmWMhCI8tQMdWERq3_LHX1-wrvv5r_nxmW1CIShTM3AorQgB5cVGY0eyl-IZQa_SfZ5EHW-HHkMgngcGki_eT4CSA8-MRiIBOjiY8GVwLnN766Y099pUsauwXlPt1Rrk2ahKqLrIITE/s1600/17+A-M+aspires+for+Darkseid%252C+Thanos%252C+and+Apocalypse+but+with+none+of+the+charm.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQmWMhCI8tQMdWERq3_LHX1-wrvv5r_nxmW1CIShTM3AorQgB5cVGY0eyl-IZQa_SfZ5EHW-HHkMgngcGki_eT4CSA8-MRiIBOjiY8GVwLnN766Y099pUsauwXlPt1Rrk2ahKqLrIITE/s320/17+A-M+aspires+for+Darkseid%252C+Thanos%252C+and+Apocalypse+but+with+none+of+the+charm.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Idealism vs 80s grim-dark</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Anti-Monitor is smacking Superman
around. Dr L intercedes and declares how murdery she’s feeling. Anti-Monitor
either freezes her or teleports her away in an honestly cool looking silhouette
panel. Supergirl catches up with Pariah, who senses tragedy is about to unfold
and Supergirl rushes forth, determined to save her cousin, determined to take
up the torch for him if she fails to save him.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_DhwoTktHeEcwjOS2ANhbUum-W7Rmu5GRDtGqZLqSPoh6mlb1cD_F0toLRp9jVNZ2EjpYBZcGOPr_q-6MlLxY2qXLzh0ZSpQTUytkf9u_zdlBOLmYRObpwOJbedr4Oh5smPNAaOR1Bdw/s1600/18+dedication.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_DhwoTktHeEcwjOS2ANhbUum-W7Rmu5GRDtGqZLqSPoh6mlb1cD_F0toLRp9jVNZ2EjpYBZcGOPr_q-6MlLxY2qXLzh0ZSpQTUytkf9u_zdlBOLmYRObpwOJbedr4Oh5smPNAaOR1Bdw/s320/18+dedication.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
She catches her foe by surprised and
gets in a few good punches, thrashing him about as she harangues him over all
those lives now lost. He smacks her away sending her flying into a wall with
only one hit. She grabs the stone floor and literally rips it out from under
him, then resumes wailing on him and destroying his “life shell,” and
destroying the solar collector in the process.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8NSHgHJQP38Fal6J35eY49w0fhPkn52UvoXIvu_LL3jzNnWtYVeFuqfH6Y9wsSklm-9sv80WBlRaKadDQm9L73nJaVgAaSaqhAJdEJj-BiE1Au_zXPiy3JIWJeyLuogsomsAhOV-LC-I/s1600/21.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8NSHgHJQP38Fal6J35eY49w0fhPkn52UvoXIvu_LL3jzNnWtYVeFuqfH6Y9wsSklm-9sv80WBlRaKadDQm9L73nJaVgAaSaqhAJdEJj-BiE1Au_zXPiy3JIWJeyLuogsomsAhOV-LC-I/s320/21.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4i8b3m_5-XW6SMF6jiU53NEZ2bFVi8hJB_QqUO8OfCodjmkEbg58op03YHdDXdxM9ulPGgnP3Tqt7L8ojJSFuMFcA5qm2rTo2pHFLQVbwvYZBaQRYwPC2Q3zmPOPgnhS1VUPA8IO_3xQ/s1600/21a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4i8b3m_5-XW6SMF6jiU53NEZ2bFVi8hJB_QqUO8OfCodjmkEbg58op03YHdDXdxM9ulPGgnP3Tqt7L8ojJSFuMFcA5qm2rTo2pHFLQVbwvYZBaQRYwPC2Q3zmPOPgnhS1VUPA8IO_3xQ/s320/21a.JPG" width="139" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
Anti-Monitor’s proverbial kid
gloves are off and he transforms into a creature of glowing red and white
energy as he declares, “You, your cousin, your friends, <b>your worlds</b> all shall die with you!” The fortress shakes and
Supergirl tasks Dr. L (whom she manages to really impress, which should not going unmentioned) with getting Clark out of there to safety and getting the
heroes out of the EAMU. She flies directly into the glowing form of the
Anti-Monitor, smashing him and soon she is consumed, glowing like the same red
energy.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWN_7QzMu5sPBHYzqWDFi8Q3jbnnigsgPKbtgr9gX8lrbhZUmDYUZU62wTlKym9yHsUO0bMO9MinHn8rCU7qWpqhMNEvlIu5N_6qbcUIEQ4f2opgBPhUYS04MXjK7JjYjJozDxw8mNUw/s1600/23a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJWN_7QzMu5sPBHYzqWDFi8Q3jbnnigsgPKbtgr9gX8lrbhZUmDYUZU62wTlKym9yHsUO0bMO9MinHn8rCU7qWpqhMNEvlIu5N_6qbcUIEQ4f2opgBPhUYS04MXjK7JjYjJozDxw8mNUw/s320/23a.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ngA2jop2QUE5V_D5_KMXx-i1At_ZLAGxRH9TuW2nvz1xc3TS_oQbFbK7M25057kXBaWUuk1eC8RwcWfnVSq-nba9iPKeswKSOWguoW9dvaIp-FgWe85oshN9sBRvz8sfrGBdY1SSiEA/s1600/23b.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9ngA2jop2QUE5V_D5_KMXx-i1At_ZLAGxRH9TuW2nvz1xc3TS_oQbFbK7M25057kXBaWUuk1eC8RwcWfnVSq-nba9iPKeswKSOWguoW9dvaIp-FgWe85oshN9sBRvz8sfrGBdY1SSiEA/s320/23b.JPG" width="275" /></a></div>
She turns around, telling Dr. L to make a run for it and Anti-Monitor takes the
advantage, killing her. Without a body, that took a lot out of Anti-Monitor. He
blasts off screaming “you’ll pay for this next time” like a Captain Planet
villain.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The building is crumbling to bits.
While the rest of the heroes regroup out front, Superman-1 is still in the
solar collector chamber surrounded by Dr. L and a few others, holding the dying
body of Supergirl. She tells him how much she loves him and was inspired by him
until her final breath. Superman-1 assumes the “scream at the heavens” position
declaring he’ll kill Anti-Monitor for this while Superman-2 comforts him and
preaches against vengeance for Supergirl’s sake. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
The fortress is still crumbling
(it’s like quicksand—it really does take a while) and they need to escape
before Alexander’s powers give out. They don’t want to end up like the
Egyptians at the end of <i>The Ten
Commandments </i>and that Red Sea is a bitch to get caught in. They fly back
through, Superman-1 still carrying his cousin’s body. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIj2kisJ3gdleeVSII8IARtfpvfniA-zpqB6fScrnu4m260RYaRskyPqUtY4Ai8vS6vqJlNfu9uzIg573YASwys02R0jBqtOXlv9Zr5Cb4wtw48-zYuLXitSn80LTo5eWi803SydxPrg/s1600/24.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWIj2kisJ3gdleeVSII8IARtfpvfniA-zpqB6fScrnu4m260RYaRskyPqUtY4Ai8vS6vqJlNfu9uzIg573YASwys02R0jBqtOXlv9Zr5Cb4wtw48-zYuLXitSn80LTo5eWi803SydxPrg/s320/24.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<b>EPILOGUE</b><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOUocoI0FP8v3_csjd5S_e_TUvTmQEjOcw8gSU79cKqlywHif8_wshgsrJbd-KHxN9CIX9qDAIoKpT2fWmV0vZ0dgc0kLrFDVieK3DLym1RIGWQMYm6BQkSpbXxI6CYCn7swmb7DNU8x4/s1600/25.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOUocoI0FP8v3_csjd5S_e_TUvTmQEjOcw8gSU79cKqlywHif8_wshgsrJbd-KHxN9CIX9qDAIoKpT2fWmV0vZ0dgc0kLrFDVieK3DLym1RIGWQMYm6BQkSpbXxI6CYCn7swmb7DNU8x4/s320/25.JPG" width="213" /></a> The
five Earths are no longer at risk of destroying each other and the weird time
anomalies have stopped, but they’re still interlocked and frozen in time and
space. A memorial is held in Chicago on
Earth-1, news coverage airing. Batgirl delivers a eulogy intercut with images
of the Daily Planet folks watching from their offices as well as heroes from
multiple earths mourning for her in attendance.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNSSlFogiIOj26H7gJ06Gp1dmwZzs49fUYdnLZet5yQrz-JP7ygT0GKf6uSEVy-2jLfJ9ry0UQVZYdzA_Xj0QOOZJkmvLWP8Y0glorKt8LpD_Qv10zmSgB95bPJMqxNPDWTb50ScD8bXQ/s1600/26.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNSSlFogiIOj26H7gJ06Gp1dmwZzs49fUYdnLZet5yQrz-JP7ygT0GKf6uSEVy-2jLfJ9ry0UQVZYdzA_Xj0QOOZJkmvLWP8Y0glorKt8LpD_Qv10zmSgB95bPJMqxNPDWTb50ScD8bXQ/s1600/26.JPG" /></a> Superman takes her body, wrapped
tightly in her cape now repurposed as a burial shroud, to the Fortress of
Solitude. He reflects on all the hope and optimism of her when she first
arrived on Earth, a young girl of 15 with nothing but her future ahead of her.
From there, he takes her body out past Earth’s atmosphere and just lets it
float around in the vacuum of space for eternity. Good lord, Superman—cremation
is your friend. It wouldn’t surprise me if an alien villain had found her body
and used it to reverse engineer an anti-Kryptonian weapon or zombifies her.
Minor Spoiler: However, that didn’t happen. After this event, Supergirl is
literally erased from existence. She never happened. That heroic sacrifice is
utterly trivialized and her heartfelt requiem is obviated from memory. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
DC probably didn’t realize quite what a “fuck
you” it was to their audience, but it was hardly their last. As meaningful as
the second half of this issue was, DC’s perennial tug of war it has between its
need to sustain the iconic status quos of their major character and its
creative teams’ need to have the space to tell new stories is one that
invariably results in the status quo winning out. The impact of the stories
they don’t tell are immaterial compared to the wills of an often capricious EiC.
Part of what was decided when <i>Crisis </i>was
planned was that they decided that there was simply too many Kryptonians
running around, which diminished both the mysterious nature of Krypton and the
isolated “god amongst<i> </i>men” aspect of Superman’s
character. Of course, this didn’t last because nobody remains editor in chief
forever. Jay Edidin of <a href="http://www.xplainthexmen.com/">Jay and Miles X-plain
the X-Men</a> (listen to them, they are one of the best comics podcasts out
there) once pointed that you can tell what the status quo was when a new
editor-in-chief first started reading by what regressive changes s/he makes.
However, inevitably, the next wave of creative talent comes into the different
with a different status quo crystalized in their minds and can just as readily make
their own resets in whatever contrived methods they choose based on a precedent
that has its root right here. Such mentality in creative leadership is
capricious and cyclical, and really puts on display creators’ unwillingness to
grasp the fact that continuity and characterization marches on and their job is
to be the torchbearers and not the gatekeepers of modern myth.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Despite that angry rant, I have to say that this issue is without a doubt the best so far in the series. The issue does carry out some of my grievances from before during the first half of the issue, but it synthesizes them into something more cohesive. There is still a massive weight of DC cosmology exposition, but the writing doesn't try to fight against it like it has in previous issues. Yes, the Pariah and Lyla's exposition from the dawn of time is unwieldy, but it's finally providing some real, concrete answers so that the reader is finally given some solid footing in the narrative instead of just being told that the destructive force is the bad guy. Yes, there are the cast of thousands, but we most of them are largely left in the background and we narrow our focus on only a handful of characters so we feel engaged in the narrative. Then, once the narrative transitions to the raid on the anti-matter universe, the narrative transcends into something that truly feels epic, the narration becomes swells with the purpleness of its prose and you realize pretty quickly that out of the fodder of the first six issues has risen a truly standout piece of work that is a match for its iconic cover. Wolfman and Perez hit their stride with this series when they realized that one character's emotional experience and self-sacrifice and the resonance of her loss is more potent storytelling than checking in with hundreds of characters we don't have time to invest in. Taken out of the context of what came after, this is probably one of the most moving and earned comic book deaths I've ever read.<br />
<br /></div>
katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-39088848333462279092016-05-23T17:36:00.000-07:002016-05-23T17:46:09.356-07:00The Retcon Voltron<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HvIYkv5DRHDnHpr5RsR3QxSmQku53fFNROPBSHvuOfxE7UvLF5YpVYVXodLJA2VWXr7PH7PhlAGlI8Y7sNos7oBmQLUEi5M9uFG9wAeT5TiWDaPLSlTUhj0D1E5j57Kv5yL-jDImPQQ/s1600/2.00.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7HvIYkv5DRHDnHpr5RsR3QxSmQku53fFNROPBSHvuOfxE7UvLF5YpVYVXodLJA2VWXr7PH7PhlAGlI8Y7sNos7oBmQLUEi5M9uFG9wAeT5TiWDaPLSlTUhj0D1E5j57Kv5yL-jDImPQQ/s640/2.00.PNG" width="419" /></a></div>
Confession time: I really thought with the benefits of decompressed storytelling, I could fit an entire contemporary arc into the same length as I write for a single bronze age issue. Wasn't that adorably naive of me? Maybe if I had chosen a title that hadn't begun in the wake of a continuity soft reset, or wasn't dealing with a lot of very complex long-term continuity elements from some very disperate corners of the Marvel Universe, or a character who habitually leans on/over the Fourth Wall, I could have been a bit more succinct. I'm hoping now that I've covered the bigger continuity recaps, I can go through this a lot more quickly. Although, this issue involves a character who is both a time traveler and a member of the Summers-Grey family, so I make no guarantees.<br />
<br />
Issue #2 of <i>The Uncanny Avengers</i> (the title is <i><b>The</b> Uncanny Avengers</i>, which apparently sets it apart as its own title from <i>Uncanny Avengers</i>, volumes 1 and 2) once again has Duggan on the script, Stegman on pencils, and Isanove as colorist. The cover art is honestly pretty good, demonstrating our newly introduced antagonist standing dead center and dominating the tableau while behind him, bathed in an eerie purple light, the team is being bound and strangled by giant animated vines... including Human Torch, who could burn right through them. That doesn't make sense. I would say this is impressive, certainly better than the plastic mannequin/action figure bodies that we see inside, except that Shredded Man is very much a case of body horror. And I don't do well with body horror. I think it's gross and excessive, and makes my skin crawl within the context of horror cinema, so I'm less inclined to appreciate it in a superhero team adventure book whose tone doesn't come anywhere near warranting it. The emaciated limbs I could deal with, but seeing his torso and what appear to be his organs spilling out from underneath his cloak really upsets my stomach.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaC5UhS3ioykVYmSjdajMciR3rvV77e44FuV_cSD81Ue2jc7MidHi0_sb88lNAoIFjmsOsPyO6AADRb1d-9CO6xdKqJLG9_GkX-H-uNZtTnZSrs3LrU3NwfCx5V4YLedTvUhbZ7tyBCm8/s1600/01a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="93" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaC5UhS3ioykVYmSjdajMciR3rvV77e44FuV_cSD81Ue2jc7MidHi0_sb88lNAoIFjmsOsPyO6AADRb1d-9CO6xdKqJLG9_GkX-H-uNZtTnZSrs3LrU3NwfCx5V4YLedTvUhbZ7tyBCm8/s320/01a.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's kicking it old school, then there's Nokia flip phones...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The issue starts off with Steve hanging out on the rooftop of the Avengers Theater listening to a news update on the situation his team is dealing with in Boston on the radio when his cell phone starts to ring. It's interesting to note that both pieces of technology are significantly outdated. He has Nokia flip phone, for crying out loud. A FLIP PHONE. I enjoy touches that remind the reader that no matter how long he's been here, he's still a man out of time and isn't quite as tech-dependent as the rest of us. But on the other hand, in Marvel's weird floating timeline, it's been somewhere between 10-15 years since he's been unthawed. He's good friends with Stark and has been the Director of SHIELD. I would have thought by now he'd have developed an appreciation of the value of a data phone in his line of work.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ITFn1fb6kw7kNxUK18qwU0Slnm-0LkBden0nRI3SGddVR8ukilqfQjZd9-BviDVgykxX3syA2WOiGxLW7oTI_pKu0J24iqK1V58LAcjlvT711aREqGZJrWhoh_9uD2sggmROYtK59AU/s1600/01b.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8ITFn1fb6kw7kNxUK18qwU0Slnm-0LkBden0nRI3SGddVR8ukilqfQjZd9-BviDVgykxX3syA2WOiGxLW7oTI_pKu0J24iqK1V58LAcjlvT711aREqGZJrWhoh_9uD2sggmROYtK59AU/s320/01b.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Old Cap isn't the bastion of hope he once was. <br />
Comes with age...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Speaking of Stark, guess who's on the other end of the line? We see Tony doing his favorite non-alcohol-or-combat-or-sex related activity: looking smart by pressing buttons on holographic screens. He too has been keeping abreast of current events and asks if he should have his team suit up. Steve says if the Unity Squad can't handle this, it might be time to call it quits, but wants to give them a chance. Yeesh. For one of the biggest symbols of hope in Marvel, that sounds awfully pessimistic. Although, considering has had three volumes in four years, I completely understand the need for contingency planning.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6j1fQ9y436RS9rkKt0Xf0nlzJBwQYju-BwuXMMrprvPVj8hm2OR7TbKyhWgcWp-zmd1AsAX6mcGV9ojCMJlZt2xX6A2vfEBorQv3-BdbktrrI3G5P-MbikC4IilbE-SREMUUiIGzvkCM/s1600/2.02.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6j1fQ9y436RS9rkKt0Xf0nlzJBwQYju-BwuXMMrprvPVj8hm2OR7TbKyhWgcWp-zmd1AsAX6mcGV9ojCMJlZt2xX6A2vfEBorQv3-BdbktrrI3G5P-MbikC4IilbE-SREMUUiIGzvkCM/s320/2.02.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's a time and a place, Synapse...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In Boston, the Unity Team are being overwhelmed by the hostile flora and demon dogs dominating wreaking havoc on the city. Rogue attempts to get Synapse to use her abilities to shut the demon dogs down, but they don't have brains for her to tap into. When Rogue asks if she's sure, Synapse asks why Rogue doesn't trust her. Instead of giving into this invitation to in-fighting, Rogue asks Synapse to explain how her powers work, to the benefit of the reader. From the explanation given, it sounds very much like she can read and manipulate bio-neural electricity, which I think is what I guessed last time I covered these guys.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH-ajK85GhxGLiBrvWv4nSuKmJdrCcLmVAHpEXEaWN7QSwV_rAAFMXiuO4z9tBFaX0BPRI14d6txVKFirQSMythXRyfIbxnhB28dU1bd_6bt584s8D_eRU7aZqeRhitAaXu87bL1w7rj4/s1600/2.03.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="289" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH-ajK85GhxGLiBrvWv4nSuKmJdrCcLmVAHpEXEaWN7QSwV_rAAFMXiuO4z9tBFaX0BPRI14d6txVKFirQSMythXRyfIbxnhB28dU1bd_6bt584s8D_eRU7aZqeRhitAaXu87bL1w7rj4/s320/2.03.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She can heal the sick and talk to animals. <br />
She's a magical sword away from being She-Ra.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Conveniently the two are approached by a woman and her child who have been infected with... whatever has turned Boston into <i>Day of the Triffids</i>, but haven't been able to get to a hospital because of the Floral Apocalypse. The mother looks like she has a nasty infection. Her hands look a little gnarled and her face is covered in greenish brown pockmarks. Then Synapse looks into the baby carriage and we find out that the mother got off pretty easily, in comparison, as her little cabbage patch baby is literally halfway between cabbage and baby. Synapse uses her powers to reverse the effects of the infection of the baby by boosting her immune system, then Quicksilver rushes them to the hospital.<br />
<br />
<br />
My understanding and appreciation of Synapse's powers grow increasingly more muddled the more I think about this move. I understand that her powers allow her to read and control the brain and neural electricity, and that the brain effectively regulates the entire body's functions. I'm not pretending that either of those facts are unknown to me. However, compared to what the reader has seen Synapse do thus far, this is a dramatic leap that makes her abilities seem less superhuman and more godlike. The team newbie demonstrated in only her second appearance that she quite literally that she cannot only control and rewrite people's minds, but also has the potential to have powers over life and death. I'm not saying that it wouldn't have been an interesting development eventually, but that would be something I'd like to see slowly evolve over the course of a few arcs.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7O1CQosBKDXZQnMs3ve1Gdtcq268KA3xFCwsiBQV4w4ZZVflYldlHchxdvODwUeZxJxAk4hJn9Z3Kr9bSP6WDP-_s1hyphenhyphenlaIXpIVl7ttZuk4BNu3Y-4hyphenhyphenLNzFSISo1tbFLsQfRhKioWyY/s1600/04a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7O1CQosBKDXZQnMs3ve1Gdtcq268KA3xFCwsiBQV4w4ZZVflYldlHchxdvODwUeZxJxAk4hJn9Z3Kr9bSP6WDP-_s1hyphenhyphenlaIXpIVl7ttZuk4BNu3Y-4hyphenhyphenLNzFSISo1tbFLsQfRhKioWyY/s320/04a.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Count Reed bids you velcome to his castle. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGyjPRQzABNTHxUjLAAu1Q2Ln6rKY3-PIJ51w8Ll8AHbiJTzZMhUh-PYKcjp0AOtcu28LWQNoP0dCjco3lWxxsV8J48bFgZflOxf1YU4IPLoJd9QgxugbKnGTPlNh9O8q1t-6Q8LCmFY/s1600/04b.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGyjPRQzABNTHxUjLAAu1Q2Ln6rKY3-PIJ51w8Ll8AHbiJTzZMhUh-PYKcjp0AOtcu28LWQNoP0dCjco3lWxxsV8J48bFgZflOxf1YU4IPLoJd9QgxugbKnGTPlNh9O8q1t-6Q8LCmFY/s320/04b.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The crux of his arc, such as it is.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Deadpool is suggests setting a (Human) Torch to the entire city, but Rogue points out that it wouldn't be good for civilians, while Brother Voodoo shows how the killer plants are converting by-standers into their food source. Human Torch's focus is elsewhere as we cut to a memory of Reed Richards... without ever seeing Reed. Okay, that's certainly one way of visual storytelling... It's basically an entire page of Johnny Storm in various panels. Remove the word balloons and this could have been about anything. Although Reed's shadow (or maybe Gary Oldman's <i>Dracula </i>shadow) is in one of the panels, so at least we know he's there. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if it was etched in an afterthought after the original art was completed. Additionally, it doesn't even earn its place. The long and short of it is that Reed tells Johnny someday might not have Reed around to do all the science. His resolution to the lack of science doers is to grab an infected civilian and fly off.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gWo3eNIsooRcqT4VsT-UzlB3luRQoLUnCZyuTNHwZk5iBYL0gvmX_C2CfzVzV6Uwdbg-md7xzk85IcWr-q3MMGXbbwlQaGezxzxrztp1tGWo-sCJDxfkucD5gYfrHhQGdoUX7vVTsoo/s1600/2.05.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5gWo3eNIsooRcqT4VsT-UzlB3luRQoLUnCZyuTNHwZk5iBYL0gvmX_C2CfzVzV6Uwdbg-md7xzk85IcWr-q3MMGXbbwlQaGezxzxrztp1tGWo-sCJDxfkucD5gYfrHhQGdoUX7vVTsoo/s1600/2.05.PNG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She isn't getting paid enough<br />
(or at all) for this shit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Annoyed, Rogue comments that either she or Johnny should have quit. Yeah, the theory that they had a relationship in the 8 month gap is becoming more textual. Quicksilver has made his way back and tells the remaining Unity Team members that there is someone they should meet, and blazes a trail for them to follow, ignoring Rogue shouting for him to wait up.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiumb285q3-fDAAR9tcgFzmWroHY4Sn2mWQS8MDf9ykYxsktSFLQldiYCllgG5i2g1upwOb2cntxSChQEOOjqL8UjbLHodsJxPWXAD1PdfZ862-QRiZPy8-d4zi6VxU2hgP8fGrb4kq8HA/s1600/05c.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiumb285q3-fDAAR9tcgFzmWroHY4Sn2mWQS8MDf9ykYxsktSFLQldiYCllgG5i2g1upwOb2cntxSChQEOOjqL8UjbLHodsJxPWXAD1PdfZ862-QRiZPy8-d4zi6VxU2hgP8fGrb4kq8HA/s320/05c.JPG" width="317" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rogue and Wade would make a good buddy roadtrip comedy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, Johnny touches down on the campus of MIT to recruit a team of scientists to help in their cause. That is his major arc in this story. The epiphany that deserves its own page-long flashback is that Johnny realized that there are more eggheads where Reed came from. Yay?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6BJT2dpQ_WbZh7tlxQjZ3odsK3_FyWCzCt-T1KZMb_XF5pNJa8B-0cT7GSxV-afeT17a6JFWdR6w6t3QmMWgVd7wPSJowOThp2ZfvlI5Sxzgj3eJWoAOilgC8kNC2-z0byCW5H9FvdL8/s1600/05a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6BJT2dpQ_WbZh7tlxQjZ3odsK3_FyWCzCt-T1KZMb_XF5pNJa8B-0cT7GSxV-afeT17a6JFWdR6w6t3QmMWgVd7wPSJowOThp2ZfvlI5Sxzgj3eJWoAOilgC8kNC2-z0byCW5H9FvdL8/s1600/05a.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wade is at his best when he's <br />
kind of the worst.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Back in Boston, Rogue is exasperated that her team members keep on blazing off without waiting to confer with the group, let alone wait for a leadership command. She asks if they'd act that way for Cap and wonders if it's because she's a woman. I think it's hilarious actually kind of hilarious considering she an X-Man functioning in an Avengers world. The X-Men historically have been profoundly better at being gender balanced both in terms of power sets and command ability, whereas the Avengers really tend to forget about eras with strong female leadership, especially since teams post-Avengers Disassembled did away with elected chairpersons, resulting in Cap and Iron Man being cemented as the designated leaders in the collective consciousness. So as paranoid as her question may sound, it's also valid. <br />
<br />
Deadpool counters that maybe it's because she's a mutant. Because Deadpool is the master of being both the best and worst person in the room. While this fun bit of banter is going on, Synapse tries to get in contact with Quicksilver using her pseudo-telepathy, but only gets radio silence.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNYz6nqDzQhvZ4hUyXB17mD48t2ILGy1gms-NoA_QlNGXDRe3MdlWDqP7AQNA96Mx40tKI20z6CEdINzZI97f-wGEUu3enan3hkZCO5GDxoC3najgnuvF0JInLSpBN_GhAtb5x_mXUKA/s1600/2.06.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcNYz6nqDzQhvZ4hUyXB17mD48t2ILGy1gms-NoA_QlNGXDRe3MdlWDqP7AQNA96Mx40tKI20z6CEdINzZI97f-wGEUu3enan3hkZCO5GDxoC3najgnuvF0JInLSpBN_GhAtb5x_mXUKA/s400/2.06.PNG" width="353" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Suggested Team Name: Los Leafadores</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Meanwhile, <strike>Shredder </strike>The Shredded Man interrupts a news update from the mayor outside her office flanked by his Chia Zuul dogs and two pod people. Remember that poor security guard at the end of last issue that was woefully unschooled in the ways of superhero and creepy villain's lair tropes? Now we see what becomes of those who fail to do the homework. He and some other uninformed rent-a-cop have been coopted, turned into a plantman golem. It just goes to show you, when your city is besieged by a disaster of either supernatural or comic book super science variety, do not approach strange cloaked persons in shadowy lairs. It will not end well for you. Also, remember the poor woman's green baby? She looked pretty much how these guys do. If Synapse hadn't stepped in, would an infant plantgolem be crawling around doing Shredder's bidding?<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-z6Invw7bHFdN6aR7DJnkUg_OCgfErOzC2jsOC-xRClQuY-LG1tuCfHu4kr8zsGRjLDKHj3-BOfBKf3QqGB28h_LDh3E-iatNljRzY7m12NNeJ4F72uTnG4hyRtnIISozbz2_tAdVeg0/s1600/2.07.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-z6Invw7bHFdN6aR7DJnkUg_OCgfErOzC2jsOC-xRClQuY-LG1tuCfHu4kr8zsGRjLDKHj3-BOfBKf3QqGB28h_LDh3E-iatNljRzY7m12NNeJ4F72uTnG4hyRtnIISozbz2_tAdVeg0/s320/2.07.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Even with the latest retcon, Pietro can't help <br />
making battles about his (non) daddy issues.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
His plant patrol assaults the film crew while he corners the mayor. He seems very focused on how humanity has been taxing the Earth's natural resources, which is a valid complaint for an environmentalist to have and would certainly not sound out of place on an episode of <i>Captain Planet</i>. However, threatening to turn humanity isn't a message that even Wheeler would have supported. As he says this, he's holding her by the face and within two panels, she has turned green, presumably killing her. For a newly minted villain, he has a flair for the dramatic, because as he finished his pronouncement, the dome of the mayor's office blasts off as a giant tentacle/vine monster springs forth, knocking the remaining building to rubble to make way for it.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigIvUm-ZfZUXer6BiPGeldJi2IdUYp1ZHHYHfhOzPnsKSIVgi82D8XcV8nRqBKpKgMO9_AxIS7fqLkqlm6QGhfoDjEG2Jtdp5bw55zTWszW2ZRUHejijWQkxKcn2q5VdrWP4GI7pM3KJs/s1600/2.08.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigIvUm-ZfZUXer6BiPGeldJi2IdUYp1ZHHYHfhOzPnsKSIVgi82D8XcV8nRqBKpKgMO9_AxIS7fqLkqlm6QGhfoDjEG2Jtdp5bw55zTWszW2ZRUHejijWQkxKcn2q5VdrWP4GI7pM3KJs/s400/2.08.PNG" width="337" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Where's the Southern Poverty Law Center when you need it?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He continues on about his evil plan of evilness when he gets knocked down by a Quicksilver sucker punch. Quicksilver has the upper hand and uses it to trade barbs (and remind the reader how glad his is that he so isn't Magneto's kid) when a vine creeps up and slices open his neck. Pietro tears it away and tells the Shredded Man that things will go a lot better for him as he lunges forth, but suddenly is stricken with paralysis. Shredded man gloats and taunts Quickie's mutancy, saying "I try not to feed my darlings <i>junk food</i>... but just one bit of gene trash can't hurt." Okay. villainy is one thing, racism is another. I want this guy mulched never to return. As he says this he is putting Quicksilver in a pod. When Quicksilver protests, Shredded Man says "That's just the hallucinogens talking. You're already dead," as the pod seals itself shut.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9by79WStN3oRiCWvek1tt3mdtTlOZ58hrH_pgTHVSPBkAccD3ElfjrXHaGFSE-vBAIwCa34D708nMd-rodsZpydoP4qrDws6iBGi92WpFU5v89YHIEdXCNQIvK2NQY1tu7GKxf8s5sPA/s1600/2.09.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9by79WStN3oRiCWvek1tt3mdtTlOZ58hrH_pgTHVSPBkAccD3ElfjrXHaGFSE-vBAIwCa34D708nMd-rodsZpydoP4qrDws6iBGi92WpFU5v89YHIEdXCNQIvK2NQY1tu7GKxf8s5sPA/s320/2.09.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So, is she a living image or a gif file with 10 positions?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What happens next? I have no idea, but I can tell you that in the 70 year time skip, things apparently went to hell in an handbasket after Boston failed to maintain its quarantine and was the first city destroyed. A figure we totally can't see, but has seems to have time traveled here, has a big metal arm, and couldn't possibly be Cable is conversing with what appears to be a sentient tattoo of a WWII-era bombshell pinup girl on his metal arm. She goes by the name "Belle" and is quite the fiesty A.I. program, unafraid to give him a hard time even while complying to orders. In that regards, she reminds me of Friday (or maybe F.R.Y.D.A.Y), Stark's new A.I. in the MCU now that J.A.R.V.I.S. has become the Vision.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIgtEO9fBsW31KhBH3-KUuDh5TbT8rJqYn69ev2RSvzJEosN0_pOk7OBHDMZJ0M1xdejId4EdZZo1mPXI21eZA7UiytbRNDD14-3xA6pADXBvSBLXFaSQlFq35Y3CzlOyHl8AWfM0dI8Q/s1600/09a.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIgtEO9fBsW31KhBH3-KUuDh5TbT8rJqYn69ev2RSvzJEosN0_pOk7OBHDMZJ0M1xdejId4EdZZo1mPXI21eZA7UiytbRNDD14-3xA6pADXBvSBLXFaSQlFq35Y3CzlOyHl8AWfM0dI8Q/s400/09a.JPG" width="162" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Are they in a relationship?<br />
How does this work?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
They chat back and forth about whether this was the M-Pox or if the Kree would terraform the planet but not claim it, all the while never panning up from totally not Cable's feet. This mysterious time traveler with a metallic arm uses telekinesis to navigate through the inhospitable terrain. I'm just stumped-- who is this guy? He guns down a Zuul chia dog with his improbably large plasma gun (why aren't they dropping any clues?) and we finally see an over the shoulder shot of him and can make out the white hair and glowing eye of... oh, who could it possibly be? How many issues will go by before we find out who this mystery man is?!<br />
<br />
He finds a newspaper that just happens to be from the day of the Avengers appearance there and has somehow managed to survive outside of archival preservation and still pictures Quicksilver and Deadpool in vivid color AFTER SEVENTY YEARS. Then suddenly the big reveal of our intrepid mystery man as... whaaaaa? Cable?! Great googly moogly, what a twist!!! Oh, and of course they include a big title drop using the cubed lettering from his header of solo titles, just in case we didn't get it. Good grief.<br />
<br />
It occurs to me that some readers might not be familiar with Cable, since to my knowledge he has only had a small handful of cameos in the 90s animated series, and the fact that for some readers, X-Men TAS seems as old as Superfriends does to me. Okay, understandable. I was going to try to keep this entry brief, but since clearly I already failed at that task, I might as well. But keep in mind I'm doing a streamlined version. I have to because every other sentence opens up a new can of worms...<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRp2I_wrliQpmMST0dg-hCev_Tev5qTiRXHkVzs03GIpP6td0RNbA6B3mJfjj6Vuq5Or60ioA_hzTW1tliyzwwpb9vSbx9986tiJz4dI0ebytpSdo12VLOeWeCNQVPzy4dqQjuftVB3Sw/s1600/2.10+ever+notice+it%2527s+always+either+villains+or+the+characters+who+were+oversaturated+in+the+90s+that+get+the+big+name+drop+reveals.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRp2I_wrliQpmMST0dg-hCev_Tev5qTiRXHkVzs03GIpP6td0RNbA6B3mJfjj6Vuq5Or60ioA_hzTW1tliyzwwpb9vSbx9986tiJz4dI0ebytpSdo12VLOeWeCNQVPzy4dqQjuftVB3Sw/s400/2.10+ever+notice+it%2527s+always+either+villains+or+the+characters+who+were+oversaturated+in+the+90s+that+get+the+big+name+drop+reveals.PNG" width="261" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sense of surprise is non-existent. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strike>Nathan Summers (born Charles Nathan Christopher Summers) was born the son of Scott Summers and Madelyn Pryor, who was a clone of Jean Grey created by Mr. Sinister because he'd been manipulating both the Summers and Grey families' bloodlines in order to birth the chosen bane of Apocalypse, and he wasn't going to let Jean dying on the moon get in the way of generations of planning. Following some Mutant Soap Opera that brought Jean back into the picture and turned Madelyn into a demonic villainess before getting her out of the picture, Nathan was being raised by Scott and Jean until Apocalypse infected him with a techno-organic virus, giving making his left arm and eye a cybernetic appearance. Then he was taken into the future by the high priestess of a cult who later turned out to be his own half(ish) sister from a defunct timeline in order to help him... </strike>Okay, let's try this again. Cable is Scott and biologically Madelyn's/Jean's adoptive son who was raised in a far distant post-apocalyptic future by an elderly version of his other-dimensional half sister (plus Scott and Jean in rental bodies) to be the messianic figure of a cult dedicated to overthrowing Apocalypse because he was genetically engineered for that specific purpose by Mr. Sinister. He is an incredibly powerful psi-talent, but usually doesn't use get to show it off because he generally uses it to fight off the techno organic virus that turned his left arm, shoulder, and the area around his left eye appear cybernetic. He is a time traveler and a career soldier and is so grizzled he could give Sam Elliot a run for his money. In recent continuity (as far as I know), Apocalypse is dead, so spent 16 years raising hopping around the timestream and Hope Summers (who herself was a messiah for mutant-kind) while playing cat and mouse with Bishop, has been cured of the TO virus, and uses a cybernetic casing around his arm to compensate for the chicken wing that was left over after he was cured.<br />
<br />
My question now that Cable has landed as a protagonist in this series is where exactly are we in his personal timeline? Cable is a very messy character to write in general because, as the paragraph above might indicate, he is basically a bunch of retcons that pulled a Voltron and joined together in order to take human form. Especially considering he bodyslided in from a distant future, we really have no sense where he is relative to our knowledge of his history, let alone whatever might have transpired if he's from significantly further in his personal timeline than his most recent appearance.<br />
<br />
Being the middle chapter in a story is a difficult, thankless job. You don't get to have fun establishing a status quo nor do you have the big battles, the epic smackdowns, or the sense of resolution of the conclusion of a story. This story is no exception, however what seems to be further impairing it is the fact that it seemed like there wasn't enough story to flesh out the issue. Johnny's flashback and trip to MIT contribute very little to the narrative and feel like they were last minute additions to pad out the issue. Cable's sequence also seems like it was written two pages longer than it needed to be to stretch the book to its designated page count. In fact, I would argue that as written, I think it would fit in better as an epilogue to a completed arc, setting up a second arc instead of stopping midstream to insert him into the present one. I honestly think it would be more interesting to see him just pop in during the present and grumble on about how the team done fucked up the future. Especially since I picked up a team book for a reason, I would have preferred that prolonged five pages of interaction to be with the team instead of his A.I., as amusing at Belle may be. This issue isn't the worst story I've ever read, but it feels like the creative team under-served the main story of this issue in order to give Cable more of a set-up than was actually needed and thus it dragged on, resulting in a very "meh" issue overall.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5072151428643608628.post-78308363566119269192016-05-18T19:00:00.000-07:002016-05-18T19:00:36.681-07:00Mandatory Sidequesting<div class="MsoNormal">
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In today's installment, we look at issue #6 of <i>Crisis on Infinite Earths, </i>once again from the creative team of Marv Wolfman and George Perez. I think it's fair to say that thus far I've been underwhelmed so far. As much as I find the weird little continuity wonks amusing, it's not enough to make up for the the lack of narrative focus, the pretty needless padding, or the conspicuous fingerprints of editorial mandate. Today's issue has all the problems we've seen before, but I think it starts to move past them by the end of the issue. I wouldn't call this a 180 turn-around, but it is a good sign of improvement.<br />
The cover of issue #6 doesn’t excite me. It is visually interesting, as it is
a gruesome-looking cosmic android/cyborg and well-drawn, but it really doesn’t
tell me anything about the issue I’m about to read. In fact, it really feels like this was alternate artwork for the Anti-Monitor's big reveal from the end of issue #5, which to be fair is a valid reason to make him a focus of this issue's cover.. But to what end? What new information does this communicate to the reader? That he's scary? I think we figured that out at the end of last issue. A close-up of Dracula can also be frightening but it doesn't tell the story the way an image of him him lunging at a victim or recoiling from a crucifix-wielding Van Helsing would be. Perhaps if he had been rendered in a medium shot, actually doing something in a way that is visually interesting and dynamic that also give us a hint of what is about to unfold in this issue, I'd feel differently, but as is, it's a portrait, not a cover. Perhaps, if I hadn’t
already read the preceding issue, that might draw my attention, but since I
did, all it does is offer me a second look at the big reveal from last time.
The Anti-Monitor, this time in a beauty shot. The tag on the issue reads, “At
last… the Anti-Monitor.” Well, at least the cover delivers on its promise. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anti-Monitor:<br />
Master of the sick burn</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZPx_x34zrpLkNlRnoGfPQo0RDWUly-ZXs7BOtkc9cDhmKoMb2asRthB0xtEbQBRSbWTUv1KWtvQazRAmHEFfofhDTRAWLHcDNlb0thLk86pvXBBPKotvKtVRwBbRvbNjwQ17F0NBMcg/s1600/01.5+expanded+mindsplosion.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZPx_x34zrpLkNlRnoGfPQo0RDWUly-ZXs7BOtkc9cDhmKoMb2asRthB0xtEbQBRSbWTUv1KWtvQazRAmHEFfofhDTRAWLHcDNlb0thLk86pvXBBPKotvKtVRwBbRvbNjwQ17F0NBMcg/s400/01.5+expanded+mindsplosion.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Such great "show, don't tell. You don't even need Anti-Monitor's villain monologue...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The
splash page teases us with the issue title, “3 Earths, 3 deaths!” We are in the
Anti-Monitor’s base. Now, not only can we see our principle protagonist, but we
can see their surroundings as well. Maybe the Anti-Monitor didn’t step out of
the shadows. Maybe he just found the light switch. Now that Psy-Pi can actually
see his master, his focus on Flash seems to be waning. Flash needs only to wait
for the right moment. Psy-Pi begs Anti-Monitor for the vast amount of emotions
he has been promised. Without failing to go into detail about how loathsome he
finds Psy-Pi, he concedes, filling him with cosmic energy that seems to expand
Psy-Pi’s consciousness in the process.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Never change, Kimiyo... </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We cut
back to the heroes’ base, where the ship is a’rocking and on the verge of destruction.
It makes me wonder how the Anti-Monitor was about to do so, since I believe
it’s in the Monitor’s netherverse along with Earth-1 and Earth-2, and thus
beyond his reach. The characters are all trying to get their bearings and
rescue any that might have fallen from where they’ve been. Hawkman rescues Dr.
Light and she rewards him for his efforts with verbal abuse because she’s the
bestest. <br />
<br />
Another character who is continually vying for the title of best character in the crossover is Changeling (or Beast Boy, I forget what his codename is at this point). Though honestly, I think if you gave half the lines he has had thus far in <i>Crisis,</i> it wouldn't work. The key to writing Garfield Logan, at least when Wolfman is writing him, seems to be writing him as cocky, over-confident, and more than a little bit of a hornball without ever forgetting that he's a 13-year-old boy with all the impulses and lack of impulse control that implies attempted to emulate what he thinks to be appropriate masculine behavior and failing miserably at it because he is so deeply out of his league in terms of maturity. True, today we'd call it toxic masculinity, but he's always so affable and self-deprecating about it that I'm convinced this is .<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AB0GpCT-Klh9BggDUxo2kURHlZl2lUKnFzzuK99iZADw8o0GBPXvD4N-4CIsxVrbLNbrFeSJ-I0vTnKIZCeoUNNilh8uuVvgLmdcpsjK2-L6IrDobCViZe3x2fjdJU8ZEg4_XdCy-nA/s1600/03.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3AB0GpCT-Klh9BggDUxo2kURHlZl2lUKnFzzuK99iZADw8o0GBPXvD4N-4CIsxVrbLNbrFeSJ-I0vTnKIZCeoUNNilh8uuVvgLmdcpsjK2-L6IrDobCViZe3x2fjdJU8ZEg4_XdCy-nA/s320/03.JPG" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She's out of your league? Who? Pick one.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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The space station seems like it’s breaking apart at the seams, turning
into more of a hostile death trap with every passing moment. Pariah begins
vanishing, realizing he’s drawn to another tragedy. Alexander is tempted to use
his matter/anti-matter powers to draw in the three unprotected Earths (not
certain if that is his only power, that’s been extremely vague thus far), but
Lyla realizes that it is she who must act. She uses her powers to knock
Alexander out and teleport all of them to safety, and presumably to their next
desired locations on the three unprotected Earths before I ultimately explodes.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And this is the totally non-evil Harbinger you should really be trusting.... </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Time for some interludes. I'm starting to really question why some of the interludes and cameos we keep coming back to exist. Did Wolfman and Perez simply want to give as many characters as possible a moment in the spotlight? Are they being set up in a way that will pay off by the end of the series? Or are these blatant ways to incorporate new characters and plot elements that will be incorporated into the new status quo? Time will tell. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIYWwUEhG0ShsQJXUIgVKArbqw0O2p8DIb3UbZCOuj2iXwnCRB-u5S0wiTCc3y8cGOvmEgcsIrr67zUDmF1puf4qIC4wPRwJAljKtbr5LnMznfa4DlsltEm07SliAzl4EqpOUFrQWyXzs/s1600/4.5+They+didn%2527t+even+bother+taking+off+his+costume%252C+they+just+wrapped+his+legs+up+like+a+mummy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIYWwUEhG0ShsQJXUIgVKArbqw0O2p8DIb3UbZCOuj2iXwnCRB-u5S0wiTCc3y8cGOvmEgcsIrr67zUDmF1puf4qIC4wPRwJAljKtbr5LnMznfa4DlsltEm07SliAzl4EqpOUFrQWyXzs/s320/4.5+They+didn%2527t+even+bother+taking+off+his+costume%252C+they+just+wrapped+his+legs+up+like+a+mummy.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I bet they bandaged him up with <br />
his boots still on.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On Earth-2, The Atom puts Wildcat
to bed. Wildcat’s legs are bandaged up and he is definitely feeling a case of
owwies, I find it odd that he's still in full uniform, whereas I'd imagine most any physician would have put him in a medical gown for the examination. Of course, I don't think they explicitly said they took him to the emergency room, so for all I know, someone in JSA headquarters just grabbed all the gauze in the first aid kit and gave him thigh high mummy boots. He has been rendered paralyzed from the waist down after saving his
friend Yolanda Montez from Red Tornado’s lightning last issue. Speak of the
devil, Yolanda Montez is watching outside from the window… with no shoes on.
Where are your shoes, lady? That’s how you get tetanus! Yolanda regrets having
never told Wildcat about her own abilities, but resolves to put them to good
use in his honor.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Does your method of honoring him include staying out of danger?<br />
Considering he lost his legs keeping you safe...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
On Earth-1, or at least Outer
Space-1, Lex Luthor is just floating around in his green and purple battle
suit, then suddenly gets picked up by Brainiac’s floating head/tentacle ship either through a whirlwind, a tractor beam, or a tractor beam that looks like a Red Tornado fart. The art shows the external view of Brainiac's ship instead of viewing them interacting, most likely because the pages were done before Wolfman and Perez had this mid-Apocalyptic Legion of Doom-esque subplot figured out. Luthor doesn't recognize the enemy of his enemy, but Brainiac clarifies that he is the <i>new</i> Brainiac. I bet they will introduce more iterations sparingly, considering they're only up to Brainiac-5 by the 30th Century. Thus ends that <s>weird bit of Dadaism</s> story thread for the moment.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHZVUjNYGd-MlXGiivG9bGDrd0-yOH81puDNFzjFSTRiPTE_t9g44cNooiS62Ya1zreqRR8nmaNiIJGJF_Dz_wb4-pjLbrV__q1_CT3yilammkjKWHtnOynHKVqACQZ_q71iWk8Uv8xvE/s1600/04.9.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHZVUjNYGd-MlXGiivG9bGDrd0-yOH81puDNFzjFSTRiPTE_t9g44cNooiS62Ya1zreqRR8nmaNiIJGJF_Dz_wb4-pjLbrV__q1_CT3yilammkjKWHtnOynHKVqACQZ_q71iWk8Uv8xvE/s320/04.9.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The new best part of a super-villain team-up<br />
is NOT seeing them interact</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next
major destination is Earth-X. In later years, DC must have figured 52 was a
manageable amount of alternate realities, but for now, it seems that alternate
realities were so plentiful that they have exhausted both numerical and letter
designations. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_aaSu16q97uNZsOcDSbH2mw3zks11_4Tujp2uaqLucnf4DaJok-wKwtaQB5nP6ne8wOcCBN5YTx6uDWMPyc6Dl1CYc8_qAb2kuPsqNT1lxNF8XkLTV7O22ULqwTWF7uHKHWrt5O2L2GE/s1600/northwind.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_aaSu16q97uNZsOcDSbH2mw3zks11_4Tujp2uaqLucnf4DaJok-wKwtaQB5nP6ne8wOcCBN5YTx6uDWMPyc6Dl1CYc8_qAb2kuPsqNT1lxNF8XkLTV7O22ULqwTWF7uHKHWrt5O2L2GE/s320/northwind.JPG" width="284" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">A onesie, mohawk, and gladiator sandals. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">And this isn't</span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">even the most remarkable </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">instance of </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">bird-themed </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">costuming this issue...</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In this reality, WWII waged on for
40 years. God, the entire world’s economy must be deep in the shitter after a
war that long. Here we find the Dr. Light, Steel (no, not the Shaq O’Neil one),
Hawkman, and, Northwind. I have never seen this character before and if it
weren’t for the namedrop, I would have been calling him “Mohawk Bird Boy” for
the length of this recap. Unlike the Hawks, his wings are underarm. Whether
they are actual wings or just feathery growths on his arms that enable flight
are beyond my knowledge, but the important thing is that ridiculously pointy
Mohawk. He is definitely a product of this book’s time. Dr. Light is surprised
that she now understands what everyone is saying. Northwind suggests that is
could be something Harbinger might have done. Lyla apparently can add
“universal translator” to her CV. Speaking of which, Steel points out to the
horizon and we see her in the sky. No, she isn’t flying in the sky, it’s like
she has been projected onto the sky in a blue outline. It strikes me as very
“mother goddess.” Oh, and by sky, I meant anti-matter cloud. If any characters
still don’t trust her at this point, I wouldn’t question it seeing this.
Northwind spots a large mob of people racing towards the cloud. He swoops in
hoping to stop them, but they are all in a terrible, frenzied rage and pelt him
with rocks.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpaKc-xYbEpZsM7XeKCtXNpCsxo2a7UxXkVI-neO7khMaB3RvE-24OKjwCHM1LYpQkKQT3jTDYHSJYQVvILZHUXBxeIeCRu0q5dS79s6ebdMh5OMOSnmwvGlxZGDb9GiYOsNA3fZr5ek4/s1600/07+the+heroes+of+Earth-X%252C+ladies+and+gentlemen.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpaKc-xYbEpZsM7XeKCtXNpCsxo2a7UxXkVI-neO7khMaB3RvE-24OKjwCHM1LYpQkKQT3jTDYHSJYQVvILZHUXBxeIeCRu0q5dS79s6ebdMh5OMOSnmwvGlxZGDb9GiYOsNA3fZr5ek4/s400/07+the+heroes+of+Earth-X%252C+ladies+and+gentlemen.JPG" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">By golly, we are truly fearsome!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Among this mob are the Freedom Fighters, whose membership includes
The Ray, Human Bomb, Phantom Lady, Black Condor, Doll Man, and Uncle Sam. Yes,
that Uncle Sam. <span style="text-indent: 48px;">Ostensibly, they are this Earth’s heroes, but they are acting conspicuously lawful evil at the moment, attacking the delegation of Earth-1/2 heroes. Between that and the horde of violent civilians racing towards oblivion, it can be surmised that something is askew. </span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Even if you ignore the personification of the U.S. government on the team, this team at least visually is very odd, at least from the perspective of someone reading nearly 30 years later. Phantom Lady, isn't odd so much as she is just plain noteworthy as being the inspiration behind </span><i style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The Watchmen</i><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">'s Silk Spectre, and the only character to serve as inspiration for the main cast who wasn't appropriated from Charlton Comics. </span><br />
<br />
The Human Bomb is just a headscratcher to me because at least from what I can visually tell, he is just a guy covered from head to toe in a hazmat suit. And it's a pretty non-descript hazmat suit, compared to Marvel's Hazmat, whose look was very distinct. Then again, this lineup strikes me as having been created at a time when just showing up to fight crime in a hazmat suit you stole from the Springfield Nuclear Plant was sufficient.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi64zVbG9aCjDx-UN1ZDWKac93ZXHVz116q2AcNXAjy9DAmuZF9bpWRiYmFBeZIp00pd2qC34LXZB_JzDyaocxZ0S3bCvGkOBa1w112M9_GtYc3IWutF_XBTFB_H0tyenEohWhf_YnAYEI/s1600/black+condor+fetish+enthusiast.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="378" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi64zVbG9aCjDx-UN1ZDWKac93ZXHVz116q2AcNXAjy9DAmuZF9bpWRiYmFBeZIp00pd2qC34LXZB_JzDyaocxZ0S3bCvGkOBa1w112M9_GtYc3IWutF_XBTFB_H0tyenEohWhf_YnAYEI/s400/black+condor+fetish+enthusiast.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">He was scheduled to be grand marshal of the </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">BDSM Pride </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">Parade </span><span style="font-size: 12.8px; text-indent: 0.5in;">before this crisis started</span></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Black Condor's look is amazing. I get the feeling that he gets dressed in the morning not certain whether he wants to cosplay as Storm or go to the Folsom Street Fair. His costume is, as his name implies, all black (and presumably all leather), and consists of a a black (leather) gorget/neck corset and a pair of black (leather) briefs conjointed by one long (leather) harness strap. He has black (leather) mid-calf boots, and a black (leather) underarm cape that connects to black leather manacles on his wrists. I'm just going to go out on a limb as say he's probably a submissive bottom and I actually think it's great that comics has a sex positive fetish enthusiast all the way back in the 40s. <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Innocent times, I guess. Although, today seeing a member of
the fetish community dressed up as Beyoncé would probably be just as adorable. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Of course, the Earth-1/2 rescue party meets up with the Freedom Fighters and the fists start flying. This is a superhero comic. That's the rule. You might think that this is your classic superhero misunderstanding: punching
and quips now, questions later. But no, this is different and the Freedom
Fighters don’t seem to be pulling their punches. In a post-</span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">Batman v Superman and Captain America: Civil War world (I'm guessing I'll need to share my thoughts on them eventually), a casual reader might just assume superheroes just engage in brutal, no holds barred combat as a matter of principle, but this is not the case. In fact, some of the away team are friends with the Freedom Fighters. But the FF and the rest of their world's population seem to be raving mad, both uses of the word mad being in play.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Soon we see why, as the
Anti-Monitor has amped up Psy-Pi’s powers to the extent that he feels like his
mind is going to explode. He is still bathed in the light that Anti-Monitor
used to empower him, no irises in his eyes and upon a closeup of his face, the
three remaining Earths are seen with energy crackling around them. It’s pretty
effective, if a bit over the top, which is the series’ calling card.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_gJNB7LWqV0KMGKfVKLt7tB3iPG9TNpbTqVs0Lwm1v7XL1iZpiVdiJ0m91QqDqkr3hMFvkJwe1sOyrQqW4ib1Zdl7qV5xFFS8U9jVkwjLJJ23lwQJmQKguMTf0wJJdO97dT3lMP4gbU/s1600/08.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_gJNB7LWqV0KMGKfVKLt7tB3iPG9TNpbTqVs0Lwm1v7XL1iZpiVdiJ0m91QqDqkr3hMFvkJwe1sOyrQqW4ib1Zdl7qV5xFFS8U9jVkwjLJJ23lwQJmQKguMTf0wJJdO97dT3lMP4gbU/s400/08.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It'll be like overloading a battery... except with brains splattering on the wall.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
On Earth-4, Martian Manhunter, Jay
Garrick, Katana, a golem-like man named “Blok,” and a winged guy I think might
be Earth-2’s Hawkman arrive and start surveying the terrain. Possibly Hawkman
flies up to get a better view when the Blue Beetle’s ship, Bug appears overhead
and Possibly Hawkman is bombarded with an energy blast with an atomic energy
signature. The assailant, Captain Atom flies from Bug, accusing them as the
ones who kidnapped Blue Beetle in the first issue of the series. <o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqcOsi2ZWh5A1JfO3YTRd1qJ-2gtYWLQb4vs1B5BXCFJcXl7tL4m9an8o_zIXvlLdnX8cVOLHIgGagbTY-ZgAudMIu-L6k8B6bIhacA1YFh0iKGyihy0rQb452WHzR3aZds7PRVqnMezM/s1600/59377241.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqcOsi2ZWh5A1JfO3YTRd1qJ-2gtYWLQb4vs1B5BXCFJcXl7tL4m9an8o_zIXvlLdnX8cVOLHIgGagbTY-ZgAudMIu-L6k8B6bIhacA1YFh0iKGyihy0rQb452WHzR3aZds7PRVqnMezM/s320/59377241.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is your sandbox, Wolfman & Perez. <br />
I shouldn't be the one telling you how this works.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Again, Marv Wolfman really sucks at
his own continuity, let alone DC’s big, sprawling multiverse, so why is he in
charge of this project? Back in issue #1, The Monitor established that all the
heroes he assembled were from Earth-1 and Earth-2. Were they making this up as they went along? It's not like they could have not known he wasn't from one of their main universes because half what what this entire project was explicitly attempting to accomplish was to fold characters from the various extraneous licenses DC had acquired into the main universe. After all, Wolfman stated in the forward to the Absolute Edition of Crisis that he researched continuity for years before writing and certainly an editor would have caught that right? That is... unless Wolfman was editing his own work. Sigh. Of course.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH8B-rHfYm9vM-tE02yJUJsKTRuim4JEBXjiTZWoBiVcQA-MWf5Z25xcwGn0HJ0-HRvkAbIhHe3d_k5pPm483rxfE0XMI1PlYli_BHt2v6bfv9COGox_QzDI9b1Fw1rvt3_k2e6-lSAUk/s1600/rorschach+and+nite-owl.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhH8B-rHfYm9vM-tE02yJUJsKTRuim4JEBXjiTZWoBiVcQA-MWf5Z25xcwGn0HJ0-HRvkAbIhHe3d_k5pPm483rxfE0XMI1PlYli_BHt2v6bfv9COGox_QzDI9b1Fw1rvt3_k2e6-lSAUk/s320/rorschach+and+nite-owl.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGRe8znrbfEci2tNTgl9DRQINTVwN1k_k0A9EiGKZZzsYTFTc3twVTVvtGT7HZLgMMajcWsQt4qj6_vm-pc2FD_X47hfotwM0D_ruFVrD5NKgv8-X5zG3R0Zc4MpSC-6MdtqKGv6YdRg/s1600/blue+beetle+and+question%2527s+descendents..JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJGRe8znrbfEci2tNTgl9DRQINTVwN1k_k0A9EiGKZZzsYTFTc3twVTVvtGT7HZLgMMajcWsQt4qj6_vm-pc2FD_X47hfotwM0D_ruFVrD5NKgv8-X5zG3R0Zc4MpSC-6MdtqKGv6YdRg/s320/blue+beetle+and+question%2527s+descendents..JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It looks like that partnership in Nite-Owl and Rorschachs' backstory<br />
was inherited from their spiritual ancestors.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Even so, while the footnotes
establish that this Blue Beetle was the one recruited by Harbinger, Blue
Beetle’s account doesn’t quite add up, making it sound like all he’d
experienced was an ominous story, but for some reason knows that the heroes
sent here are there to destroy his world. This since the story’s internal
continuity is clearly fucked to hell, so I’m just giving up and going with it.
What is clear is that the denizens of Earth-4 are under the same malevolent
influence as on Earth-X. From here on in, it’s a repeat of the previous scene.
Heroes battling decidedly irrational villains with blatant name-drops just in
case we need them. Additional Charlton characters include: Nightshade,
Peacemaker, Judo Master, Thunderbolt, and The Question (sidebar: play a fun game of "spot the Watchmen analogue in this scene), who seems to be the
only character native to Earth-4 who has caught on to the fact that their very
emotions are being manipulated to self-destructive ends. Meanwhile, Harbinger
can again be seen on the horizon.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUXk3DEYaqWZzQAwyfqDKZJ8ib2U2yUTd9AGS0d9GnUHuFmX53OK05nwWoxdyemGTES0h9SAwvGskQ2VNre6sxiavK6rTpWR6ZgFqUqzxCW7XSGvqnfhEcPR2XCNkDPFjM4-xcR8tpDM/s1600/09.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMUXk3DEYaqWZzQAwyfqDKZJ8ib2U2yUTd9AGS0d9GnUHuFmX53OK05nwWoxdyemGTES0h9SAwvGskQ2VNre6sxiavK6rTpWR6ZgFqUqzxCW7XSGvqnfhEcPR2XCNkDPFjM4-xcR8tpDM/s400/09.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Which is the bigger mystery: where'd they go or who the fuck is she?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We take a break from the same damn
basic story on the three unsecured Earths to visit rapidly merging Earths-1 and
Earth-2. Under the sea and Aquaman and company are despairing because as the
Earths draw closer to merging, their cities are getting displaced, replaced
with Earth-2’s version of the landscape as their vibrational walls thin out.
Sea Master and Black Manta watch Aquaman at a distance as they plot sinisterly.
In turn they are being watched by a white haired girl in cut-off shorts named
Dolphin (who seemingly is all on her own and lacks her memories), but then they
suddenly disappear. I’m betting Sea Master and Black Manta are ending up with
Brainiac’s crew. I doubt Dolphin will be relevant to the story again.<o:p></o:p><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPwfxgUfJPuG0zh4MshqsEKhNlvvS2k0kR7uygK4MOLzlBdk3XhUC0xVdGY7wFtXEoF4Oj6wsf1xlSB7XY9wdr9JcnwDDK6U_UgtR58pWkOZZszE9DjYnVLgi1laJG5Sy4dFdDByRaUrg/s1600/11+what%2527s+to+stop+everyone+from+going+around+the+barrier.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPwfxgUfJPuG0zh4MshqsEKhNlvvS2k0kR7uygK4MOLzlBdk3XhUC0xVdGY7wFtXEoF4Oj6wsf1xlSB7XY9wdr9JcnwDDK6U_UgtR58pWkOZZszE9DjYnVLgi1laJG5Sy4dFdDByRaUrg/s320/11+what%2527s+to+stop+everyone+from+going+around+the+barrier.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Um... what's to stop people from going around that thing?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Finally, we are at the third <s>padding
tactic</s> unsecured reality, on Earth-S. Supergirl, Changeling and Kole from
the Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, and Black Canary in a truly unfortunate ensemble
(I’m going to start a running tally on best and worst costumes in this series) make
up this away team. Again, there is a huge throng of people making a beeline for the anti-matter, but Kole uses her apparently crystal-based powers to throw up a gigantic sheet of crystal around the opening of the field. Of course that makes me wonder if the field is stationary or will absorb the crystal in a few minutes and render her efforts moot.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3SqFuA_XkW1gvAx9eCmamFlKfpZ5hqv-o9OjoIiH_2VyE9IGFFctBon8ce6PYjiLdSW4I2R1R4cfxQMxD4AGQQvpvBCQjKISCuvTBgv9INpbf28Pck1CxubmgabwwLAyxUvttIIX_3_E/s1600/12+Cpt+Marvel%2527s+sidekicks%2527+ability+to+fend+off+WW+but+are+helpless+against+BC%2527s+tracksuit.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3SqFuA_XkW1gvAx9eCmamFlKfpZ5hqv-o9OjoIiH_2VyE9IGFFctBon8ce6PYjiLdSW4I2R1R4cfxQMxD4AGQQvpvBCQjKISCuvTBgv9INpbf28Pck1CxubmgabwwLAyxUvttIIX_3_E/s400/12+Cpt+Marvel%2527s+sidekicks%2527+ability+to+fend+off+WW+but+are+helpless+against+BC%2527s+tracksuit.JPG" width="182" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Marvel Family: action <br />
figures sold separately</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I don’t know what else Fawcett Comics had to offer, but they
most certainly did have one big nut on offer: Captain Marvel, better known
today as “Shazam” for the purposes of copyright laws. I’m going to ignore the
whole “blah blah blah they’re under mind control” recap because that’s a given
at this point. I know the idea of a boy who turns into an adult superhero is
silly by today’s standards, but I didn’t know just how splendidly silly it got
until I espied his sidekicks: Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel Jr, and the resplendent Uncle Marvel. Ye gods,
we’ve reached a new plateau of hokey. </span><span style="text-indent: 48px;">I don't know what's sillier-- the Marvel family or the fact that Mary Marvel and Captain Marvel Jr seem to be a match for Wonder Woman, but are no match for Black Canary's track suit. </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Thank you for this moment, Wolfman & Perez!</span><br />
<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHYfOngZdlLeJ8x_AhyphenhyphenmhFUF1R32g1ypOu3H_a0z9OLNWGuNVv-Xzbuq4dQmmtN5CTX7OvFMa9NuupUbh8esZpSh8ljzfeOzGcSWMkjy7QUa1BUNsuvbPi4mAY3xMVNQ_XppMecUJroj0/s1600/13.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHYfOngZdlLeJ8x_AhyphenhyphenmhFUF1R32g1ypOu3H_a0z9OLNWGuNVv-Xzbuq4dQmmtN5CTX7OvFMa9NuupUbh8esZpSh8ljzfeOzGcSWMkjy7QUa1BUNsuvbPi4mAY3xMVNQ_XppMecUJroj0/s320/13.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dea ex Machina</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq35SZWIs5QM1_1_t11BxJloQMlGdoG1n6nEH_o0Njme5qlcHsccIX5y3a_kOyWTigQ4Z4obsdO9U6ClAxDpEmsfopTiip1HLKf10NSdDnvC33CV2ztZ_UztOWkSDlMV5XJtYcvd8O3RE/s1600/14+again+solving+the+problem+by+making+things+worse.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq35SZWIs5QM1_1_t11BxJloQMlGdoG1n6nEH_o0Njme5qlcHsccIX5y3a_kOyWTigQ4Z4obsdO9U6ClAxDpEmsfopTiip1HLKf10NSdDnvC33CV2ztZ_UztOWkSDlMV5XJtYcvd8O3RE/s1600/14+again+solving+the+problem+by+making+things+worse.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One more Earth for Olympic Rings Formation...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Oh! And there’s Harbinger in the
sky again! We’re cutting fast and furious between the fighting on the three
earths, but Harbinger is up to something, becoming increasingly more prominent
on the page until the energy crackling, around her starts to draw in the three
universes before Anti-Monitor and Psy-Pi realize what she’s doing. When her
task is complete, she glows white, vanishing in that glow. She re-appears once again
as plain old Lyla. Alexander informs us that she expelled every bit of her
powers as Harbinger to complete her task and now only Lyla remains. They’ve
spared Earths-4, S, and X from the Anti-Monitor, but the other problem has been
compounded. Now there are five universes vibrating ever closer to one another.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
On Earth-2, Power Girl, Johnny
Quick, and Green Lantern are working with villains, Star Sapphire, Per Degaton,
and Deathbolt. Suddenly all three of those villains vanish into thin air. Hm. I
wonder where they possibly could have ended up…? Lyla and Alexander float
around the netherverse on an asteroid, pondering their next step. Back in
Wildcat’s hospital room, Yolanda has made some alterations to his costume and
leaves, once again by window, taking on his mantle as the new Wildcat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZrpmgLGmby_ByRLFJjlJCSppRCEMgAhUlD46ll9w2sq6NKkiYQLPqLzwrVZZg24vz_lxxuF5mcLs5OYkCSZNwO5Ilt-dkk-PP7D5_cwUy4YcYTI4ACSuAUFZ81RhqTO9cEDRJMEnViqM/s1600/15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZrpmgLGmby_ByRLFJjlJCSppRCEMgAhUlD46ll9w2sq6NKkiYQLPqLzwrVZZg24vz_lxxuF5mcLs5OYkCSZNwO5Ilt-dkk-PP7D5_cwUy4YcYTI4ACSuAUFZ81RhqTO9cEDRJMEnViqM/s320/15.JPG" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My thesis for this installment is that DC is positively riddled with animal-themed <br />
superheroes with bafflingly dumb looks. Ye gods, that muzzle...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
Whereas last issue felt like a
waste of time, stalling for a big reveal, this issue had its own set of
drawbacks. I wouldn’t mind the “side-quest” nature to rescuing the other three
Earths if it weren’t for the fact that I felt like the issue devotes a lot of
time to showing us the same story three times. Perhaps it wouldn’t have felt so
rough if they had managed to interweave the stories on the three different
Earths a bit more, intercut the action instead of feeling like we’re reading
the same sequence three time with three sets of characters. I do get why the
creative team felt the need to namedrop all the characters from each of the
imported companies. After all, if they are going to be folded into the new
Earth, might as well get to know them. However, three separate “getting to know
you” fights really made this issue feel painfully repetitious. Then again, it
did spare me from having to devote a lot of time recapping. This is my shortest
recap so far and a good quarter of it is basically talking about industry
practices. Then again, I think the sausage factory details are more interesting
than the actual meat in this instance.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9lZhf9iIkBJJvOhKqux3Da9ETr9zwhOI1os0lohRg6kMz_vd3hcktVsbhyphenhyphenz_kU5Qbi_YHXuEAYUVkZYvUBYM_RoMyprQ1MLHAn9bL9OAQ_foP-phZ7-P3pXmQRTtM7YrNX6cTV6NdLWs/s1600/10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9lZhf9iIkBJJvOhKqux3Da9ETr9zwhOI1os0lohRg6kMz_vd3hcktVsbhyphenhyphenz_kU5Qbi_YHXuEAYUVkZYvUBYM_RoMyprQ1MLHAn9bL9OAQ_foP-phZ7-P3pXmQRTtM7YrNX6cTV6NdLWs/s640/10.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This has nothing to do with anything, but I'd feel like I cheated you if I didn't let you know this happened.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<o:p></o:p></div>
katicushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14204456979926809018noreply@blogger.com0