Mandatory Sidequesting

In today's installment, we look at issue #6 of Crisis on Infinite Earths, once again from the creative team of Marv Wolfman and George Perez. I think it's fair to say that thus far I've been underwhelmed so far. As much as I find the weird little continuity wonks amusing, it's not enough to make up for the the lack of narrative focus, the pretty needless padding, or the conspicuous fingerprints of editorial mandate. Today's issue has all the problems we've seen before, but I think it starts to move past them by the end of the issue. I wouldn't call this a 180 turn-around, but it is a good sign of improvement.
The cover of issue #6 doesn’t excite me. It is visually interesting, as it is a gruesome-looking cosmic android/cyborg and well-drawn, but it really doesn’t tell me anything about the issue I’m about to read. In fact, it really feels like this was alternate artwork for the Anti-Monitor's big reveal from the end of issue #5, which to be fair is a valid reason to make him a focus of this issue's cover.. But to what end?  What new information does this communicate to the reader? That he's scary? I think we figured that out at the end of last issue. A close-up of Dracula can also be frightening but it doesn't tell the story the way an image of him him lunging at a victim or recoiling from a crucifix-wielding Van Helsing would be. Perhaps if he had been rendered in a medium shot, actually doing something in a way that is visually interesting and dynamic that also give us a hint of what is about to unfold in this issue, I'd feel differently, but as is, it's a portrait, not a cover.  Perhaps, if I hadn’t already read the preceding issue, that might draw my attention, but since I did, all it does is offer me a second look at the big reveal from last time. The Anti-Monitor, this time in a beauty shot. The tag on the issue reads, “At last… the Anti-Monitor.” Well, at least the cover delivers on its promise.

Anti-Monitor:
Master of the sick burn

Such great "show, don't tell. You don't even need Anti-Monitor's villain monologue...

               The splash page teases us with the issue title, “3 Earths, 3 deaths!” We are in the Anti-Monitor’s base. Now, not only can we see our principle protagonist, but we can see their surroundings as well. Maybe the Anti-Monitor didn’t step out of the shadows. Maybe he just found the light switch. Now that Psy-Pi can actually see his master, his focus on Flash seems to be waning. Flash needs only to wait for the right moment. Psy-Pi begs Anti-Monitor for the vast amount of emotions he has been promised. Without failing to go into detail about how loathsome he finds Psy-Pi, he concedes, filling him with cosmic energy that seems to expand Psy-Pi’s consciousness in the process.

Never change, Kimiyo... 

               We cut back to the heroes’ base, where the ship is a’rocking and on the verge of destruction. It makes me wonder how the Anti-Monitor was about to do so, since I believe it’s in the Monitor’s netherverse along with Earth-1 and Earth-2, and thus beyond his reach. The characters are all trying to get their bearings and rescue any that might have fallen from where they’ve been. Hawkman rescues Dr. Light and she rewards him for his efforts with verbal abuse because she’s the bestest.

              Another character who is continually vying for the title of best character in the crossover is Changeling (or Beast Boy, I forget what his codename is at this point). Though honestly, I think if you gave half the lines he has had thus far in Crisis, it wouldn't work. The key to writing Garfield Logan, at least when Wolfman is writing him, seems to be writing him as cocky, over-confident, and more than a little bit of a hornball without ever forgetting that he's a 13-year-old boy with all the impulses and lack of impulse control that implies attempted to emulate what he thinks to be appropriate masculine behavior and failing miserably at it because he is so deeply out of his league in terms of maturity. True, today we'd call it toxic masculinity, but he's always so affable and self-deprecating about it that I'm convinced this is .

She's out of your league? Who? Pick one.

             The space station seems like it’s breaking apart at the seams, turning into more of a hostile death trap with every passing moment. Pariah begins vanishing, realizing he’s drawn to another tragedy. Alexander is tempted to use his matter/anti-matter powers to draw in the three unprotected Earths (not certain if that is his only power, that’s been extremely vague thus far), but Lyla realizes that it is she who must act. She uses her powers to knock Alexander out and teleport all of them to safety, and presumably to their next desired locations on the three unprotected Earths before I ultimately explodes.

And this is the totally non-evil Harbinger you should really be trusting.... 

Time for some interludes. I'm starting to really question why some of the interludes and cameos we keep coming back to exist. Did Wolfman and Perez simply want to give as many characters as possible a moment in the spotlight? Are they being set up in a way that will pay off by the end of the series? Or are these blatant ways to incorporate new characters and plot elements that will be incorporated into the new status quo? Time will tell. 

I bet they bandaged him up with
his boots still on.

On Earth-2, The Atom puts Wildcat to bed. Wildcat’s legs are bandaged up and he is definitely feeling a case of owwies, I find it odd that he's still in full uniform, whereas I'd imagine most any physician would have put him in a medical gown for the examination. Of course, I don't think they explicitly said they took him to the emergency room, so for all I know, someone in JSA headquarters just grabbed all the gauze in the first aid kit and gave him thigh high mummy boots. He has been rendered paralyzed from the waist down after saving his friend Yolanda Montez from Red Tornado’s lightning last issue. Speak of the devil, Yolanda Montez is watching outside from the window… with no shoes on. Where are your shoes, lady? That’s how you get tetanus! Yolanda regrets having never told Wildcat about her own abilities, but resolves to put them to good use in his honor.

Does your method of honoring him include staying out of danger?
Considering he lost his legs keeping you safe...

On Earth-1, or at least Outer Space-1, Lex Luthor is just floating around in his green and purple battle suit, then suddenly gets picked up by Brainiac’s floating head/tentacle ship either through a whirlwind, a tractor beam, or a tractor beam that looks like a Red Tornado fart. The art shows the external view of Brainiac's ship instead of viewing them interacting, most likely because the pages were done before Wolfman and Perez had this mid-Apocalyptic Legion of Doom-esque subplot figured out. Luthor doesn't recognize the enemy of his enemy, but Brainiac clarifies that he is the new Brainiac. I bet they will introduce more iterations sparingly, considering they're only up to Brainiac-5 by the 30th Century. Thus ends that weird bit of Dadaism story thread for the moment.

The new best part of a super-villain team-up
 is NOT seeing them interact

               The next major destination is Earth-X. In later years, DC must have figured 52 was a manageable amount of alternate realities, but for now, it seems that alternate realities were so plentiful that they have exhausted both numerical and letter designations.

A onesie, mohawk, and gladiator sandals. 

And this isn'teven the most remarkable 

instance of bird-themed costuming this issue...

In this reality, WWII waged on for 40 years. God, the entire world’s economy must be deep in the shitter after a war that long. Here we find the Dr. Light, Steel (no, not the Shaq O’Neil one), Hawkman, and, Northwind. I have never seen this character before and if it weren’t for the namedrop, I would have been calling him “Mohawk Bird Boy” for the length of this recap. Unlike the Hawks, his wings are underarm. Whether they are actual wings or just feathery growths on his arms that enable flight are beyond my knowledge, but the important thing is that ridiculously pointy Mohawk. He is definitely a product of this book’s time. Dr. Light is surprised that she now understands what everyone is saying. Northwind suggests that is could be something Harbinger might have done. Lyla apparently can add “universal translator” to her CV. Speaking of which, Steel points out to the horizon and we see her in the sky. No, she isn’t flying in the sky, it’s like she has been projected onto the sky in a blue outline. It strikes me as very “mother goddess.” Oh, and by sky, I meant anti-matter cloud. If any characters still don’t trust her at this point, I wouldn’t question it seeing this. Northwind spots a large mob of people racing towards the cloud. He swoops in hoping to stop them, but they are all in a terrible, frenzied rage and pelt him with rocks.

By golly, we are truly fearsome!

Among this mob are the Freedom Fighters, whose membership includes The Ray, Human Bomb, Phantom Lady, Black Condor, Doll Man, and Uncle Sam. Yes, that Uncle Sam. Ostensibly, they are this Earth’s heroes, but they are acting conspicuously lawful evil at the moment, attacking the delegation of Earth-1/2 heroes. Between that and the horde of violent civilians racing towards oblivion, it can be surmised that something is askew. 

Even if you ignore the personification of the U.S. government on the team, this team at least visually is very odd, at least from the perspective of someone reading nearly 30 years later. Phantom Lady, isn't odd so much as she is just plain noteworthy as being the inspiration behind The Watchmen's Silk Spectre, and the only character to serve as inspiration for the main cast who wasn't appropriated from Charlton Comics. 

The Human Bomb is just a headscratcher to me because at least from what I can visually tell, he is just a guy covered from head to toe in a hazmat suit. And it's a pretty non-descript hazmat suit, compared to Marvel's Hazmat, whose look was very distinct. Then again, this lineup strikes me as having been created at a time when just showing up to fight crime in a hazmat suit you stole from the Springfield Nuclear Plant was sufficient.

He was scheduled to be grand marshal of the BDSM Pride 

Parade before this crisis started

Black Condor's look is amazing. I get the feeling that he gets dressed in the morning not certain whether he wants to cosplay as Storm or go to the Folsom Street Fair. His costume is, as his name implies, all black (and presumably all leather), and consists of a a black (leather) gorget/neck corset and a pair of black (leather) briefs conjointed by one long (leather) harness strap. He has black (leather) mid-calf boots, and a black (leather) underarm cape that connects to black leather manacles on his wrists. I'm just going to go out on a limb as say he's probably a submissive bottom and I actually think it's great that comics has a sex positive fetish enthusiast all the way back in the 40s. Innocent times, I guess. Although, today seeing a member of the fetish community dressed up as Beyoncé would probably be just as adorable. 

Of course, the Earth-1/2 rescue party meets up with the Freedom Fighters and the fists start flying. This is a superhero comic. That's the rule. You might think that this is your classic superhero misunderstanding: punching and quips now, questions later. But no, this is different and the Freedom Fighters don’t seem to be pulling their punches. In a post-Batman v Superman and Captain America: Civil War world (I'm guessing I'll need to share my thoughts on them eventually), a casual reader might just assume superheroes just engage in brutal, no holds barred combat as a matter of principle, but this is not the case. In fact, some of the away team are friends with the Freedom Fighters. But the FF and the rest of their world's population seem to be raving mad, both uses of the word mad being in play.

Soon we see why, as the Anti-Monitor has amped up Psy-Pi’s powers to the extent that he feels like his mind is going to explode. He is still bathed in the light that Anti-Monitor used to empower him, no irises in his eyes and upon a closeup of his face, the three remaining Earths are seen with energy crackling around them. It’s pretty effective, if a bit over the top, which is the series’ calling card.

It'll be like overloading a battery... except with brains splattering on the wall.

On Earth-4, Martian Manhunter, Jay Garrick, Katana, a golem-like man named “Blok,” and a winged guy I think might be Earth-2’s Hawkman arrive and start surveying the terrain. Possibly Hawkman flies up to get a better view when the Blue Beetle’s ship, Bug appears overhead and Possibly Hawkman is bombarded with an energy blast with an atomic energy signature. The assailant, Captain Atom flies from Bug, accusing them as the ones who kidnapped Blue Beetle in the first issue of the series.

This is your sandbox, Wolfman & Perez.
           I shouldn't be the one telling you how this works.

Again, Marv Wolfman really sucks at his own continuity, let alone DC’s big, sprawling multiverse, so why is he in charge of this project? Back in issue #1, The Monitor established that all the heroes he assembled were from Earth-1 and Earth-2. Were they making this up as they went along? It's not like they could have not known he wasn't from one of their main universes because half what what this entire project was explicitly attempting to accomplish was to fold characters from the various extraneous licenses DC had acquired into the main universe. After all, Wolfman stated in the forward to the Absolute Edition of Crisis that he researched continuity for years before writing and certainly an editor would have caught that right? That is... unless Wolfman was editing his own work. Sigh. Of course.

It looks like that partnership in Nite-Owl and Rorschachs' backstory
was inherited from their spiritual ancestors.

Even so, while the footnotes establish that this Blue Beetle was the one recruited by Harbinger, Blue Beetle’s account doesn’t quite add up, making it sound like all he’d experienced was an ominous story, but for some reason knows that the heroes sent here are there to destroy his world. This since the story’s internal continuity is clearly fucked to hell, so I’m just giving up and going with it. What is clear is that the denizens of Earth-4 are under the same malevolent influence as on Earth-X. From here on in, it’s a repeat of the previous scene. Heroes battling decidedly irrational villains with blatant name-drops just in case we need them. Additional Charlton characters include: Nightshade, Peacemaker, Judo Master, Thunderbolt, and The Question (sidebar: play a fun game of "spot the Watchmen analogue in this scene), who seems to be the only character native to Earth-4 who has caught on to the fact that their very emotions are being manipulated to self-destructive ends. Meanwhile, Harbinger can again be seen on the horizon.

Which is the bigger mystery: where'd they go or who the fuck is she?

We take a break from the same damn basic story on the three unsecured Earths to visit rapidly merging Earths-1 and Earth-2. Under the sea and Aquaman and company are despairing because as the Earths draw closer to merging, their cities are getting displaced, replaced with Earth-2’s version of the landscape as their vibrational walls thin out. Sea Master and Black Manta watch Aquaman at a distance as they plot sinisterly. In turn they are being watched by a white haired girl in cut-off shorts named Dolphin (who seemingly is all on her own and lacks her memories), but then they suddenly disappear. I’m betting Sea Master and Black Manta are ending up with Brainiac’s crew. I doubt Dolphin will be relevant to the story again.

Um... what's to stop people from going around that thing?

Finally, we are at the third padding tactic unsecured reality, on Earth-S. Supergirl, Changeling and Kole from the Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, and Black Canary in a truly unfortunate ensemble (I’m going to start a running tally on best and worst costumes in this series) make up this away team. Again, there is a huge throng of people making a beeline for the anti-matter, but Kole uses her apparently crystal-based powers to throw up a gigantic sheet of crystal around the opening of the field. Of course that makes me wonder if the field is stationary or will absorb the crystal in a few minutes and render her efforts moot.

The Marvel Family: action    
figures sold separately

I don’t know what else Fawcett Comics had to offer, but they most certainly did have one big nut on offer: Captain Marvel, better known today as “Shazam” for the purposes of copyright laws. I’m going to ignore the whole “blah blah blah they’re under mind control” recap because that’s a given at this point. I know the idea of a boy who turns into an adult superhero is silly by today’s standards, but I didn’t know just how splendidly silly it got until I espied his sidekicks: Mary Marvel, Captain Marvel Jr, and the resplendent Uncle Marvel. Ye gods, we’ve reached a new plateau of hokey. I don't know what's sillier-- the Marvel family or the fact that Mary Marvel and Captain Marvel Jr seem to be a match for Wonder Woman, but are no match for Black Canary's track suit. Thank you for this moment, Wolfman & Perez!

Dea ex Machina

One more Earth for Olympic Rings Formation...

Oh! And there’s Harbinger in the sky again! We’re cutting fast and furious between the fighting on the three earths, but Harbinger is up to something, becoming increasingly more prominent on the page until the energy crackling, around her starts to draw in the three universes before Anti-Monitor and Psy-Pi realize what she’s doing. When her task is complete, she glows white, vanishing in that glow. She re-appears once again as plain old Lyla. Alexander informs us that she expelled every bit of her powers as Harbinger to complete her task and now only Lyla remains. They’ve spared Earths-4, S, and X from the Anti-Monitor, but the other problem has been compounded. Now there are five universes vibrating ever closer to one another.

On Earth-2, Power Girl, Johnny Quick, and Green Lantern are working with villains, Star Sapphire, Per Degaton, and Deathbolt. Suddenly all three of those villains vanish into thin air. Hm. I wonder where they possibly could have ended up…? Lyla and Alexander float around the netherverse on an asteroid, pondering their next step. Back in Wildcat’s hospital room, Yolanda has made some alterations to his costume and leaves, once again by window, taking on his mantle as the new Wildcat.

My thesis for this installment is that DC is positively riddled with animal-themed
superheroes with bafflingly dumb looks. Ye gods, that muzzle...

Whereas last issue felt like a waste of time, stalling for a big reveal, this issue had its own set of drawbacks. I wouldn’t mind the “side-quest” nature to rescuing the other three Earths if it weren’t for the fact that I felt like the issue devotes a lot of time to showing us the same story three times. Perhaps it wouldn’t have felt so rough if they had managed to interweave the stories on the three different Earths a bit more, intercut the action instead of feeling like we’re reading the same sequence three time with three sets of characters. I do get why the creative team felt the need to namedrop all the characters from each of the imported companies. After all, if they are going to be folded into the new Earth, might as well get to know them. However, three separate “getting to know you” fights really made this issue feel painfully repetitious. Then again, it did spare me from having to devote a lot of time recapping. This is my shortest recap so far and a good quarter of it is basically talking about industry practices. Then again, I think the sausage factory details are more interesting than the actual meat in this instance.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I'd feel like I cheated you if I didn't let you know this happened.