The Rita Repulsa Playbook

I think it's fair to say I wasn't exactly keen on the previous issue of DC's Crisis On Infinite Earths. It followed two very strong issues with an installment that was one half punchy kicky montage and another half being a collection of disparate plot threads. The overall whole was more successful as this event's greatest sin, cameo porn, than it was at telling a cohesive, focused chapter in a narrative. I wouldn't say it's the worst installment of the series thus far, but it was definitely a disappointment. However, it did something that Crisis has only done before: an honest to god(s) good, surprising cliffhanger ending. It's quite a change of pace from Wolfman & Perez's customary page-full of purple narration as characters stare solemnly at stuff. Join me as I see how well that cliffhanger pays off in Crisis on Infinite Earths #10.

I had to look at this cover twice. On first blush, it isn't all that impressive; two foes facing each other down in profile. It didn't seem like anything to write home about. Upon closer inspection however, I realized that all those figures that I thought were flying in the distant background are actually not. The Anti-Monitor and the Spectre are enormous. It creates the impression that the heroes and the villains of the DCU are fleas caught between a showdown of two titans. It helps turn a fairly standard "versus" cover with less than exciting body language and makes it feel more epic. Although, it looks like the DC heroes and villains were drawn in as an afterthought. They appear very much to be squeezed haphazardly. They mostly just appear to be floating around and the perspective even makes it appear like a couple of them are being stepped on.

Isn't this just a riveting start to a side-story?

Before I go into the issue proper, I ought to discuss "The Monitor Tapes." It's basically the length of maybe a 4-5 page backup story, but Wolfman and Perez opt to put one panel of the story on the bottom of each and every page of the comic. It's less of a story and more of a collection of anecdotes about how the Crisis has impacted characters that the creative team simply ran out of logical ways to incorporate into this sprawling narrative. Honestly, it would be interesting if it wasn't chopped up and wedged into the bottom of each page. As a result, it both breaks of the momentum of the story and the individual panels of "The Monitor Tapes" feel really disconnected in their own right, as well. I've seen this sort of thing done in other comics, and I've actually been okay with it. This isn't working for me because 1. these snippets don't end up tying into the present action of the issue (with one exception. kinda), and 2. it's a pretty transparent effort to jam puzzle pieces into places they don't fit because this series is contractually obligated to give everyone at least 1 cameo. I may recap it towards the end, but if something plot relevant is mentioned in them, I'll bring it up as we go.

Well, he got his gloating in while he could...

We start right where we left off last issue. Brainiac has just exploded, and Psimon is there gloating at having beaten Lex and Brainiac in his own game. Unfortunately, Psimon likes the sound of his own voice that he gloats for a little too long. From behind, a bolt of energy shoots Psimon in the cranium, shattering his glass-encase skull. His assailant was none other than... Brainiac?! But how...?! It turns out that Brainiac's ship is effectively Brainiac and it just made another body from spare parts. Wow. As a dramatist, that really takes away from the impact of last issue's cliffhanger. It's the equivalent of when your friend thinks he's dying, but it's just heartburn.

Meanwhile, the pink cloud that presumably is bad and reaching back through time has reached Anthro the First Boy. That same cloud seems to be on the now-toxic wasteland that is Earth-4, looking more like the face of planet Venus. Either that or it's a toxic radiation being emitted by Chemo as he looks out on the ocean he has poisoned. A black silhouetted figure is none too pleased with him and flies around him, wrapping him in the energy she flies with. We learn this figure trapping Chemo is Negative Woman of the Doom Patrol. Then Chemo explodes. I think? Down in the fathoms below, Aqualad is rushing the dying Aquagirl to... I don't know where. This isn't his native Earth, and apparently all of Earth-4's heroes (not even sure if Earth-4 had any aquatic heroes) migrated over to Earth-1 and Earth-2, so I don't know what help he expects to find. Over on on the mainland, in Earth-4 NYC analog, Kole of the Teen Titans turns Black Adam into crystal in order to save Dove (as in Hawk and Dove) and Not-Iron-Man Robotman.

Down in Lyla's notes, she introduces a retcon that in addition to the sole survivors of their respective realities, Pariah, Lady Quark, and Alexander Luthor, there is still one other: The Superboy of Earth-Prime. In the DC Multiverse, Earth-Prime is supposed to be the real world. As in here, where we live, where superheroes only appear in the funny books, where I sit here typing a blog post. So ignoring the fact that apparently, in the real world, Kryptonians exists, I gotta say the biggest concern I have about this revelation is that we're all fucked to hell and yet this kid (who will later become a nightmare on the blog) gets to live?

Sneaky way to slip him in under the radar. 

Dove: Great human being.
Stupid superhero.

With Black Adam stuck in crystal form, Robotman plans to smash him to bits, but Dove clearly embodies the "Good is Dumb" trope, but stopping him. My impression of Hawk and Dove is that they are two morally extreme personalities that would have gotten themselves killed if they didn't have each other to help form a functional brain between the two of them.

Over on Earth-S, where this world's super-villain contingent, including all the ice-themed villains, have combined forces to freeze over the entire planet and has the entire Marvel family bound and gagged in their civilian guises. I have to admit that in an era where most heroes were still doing the whole dual identity thing even among their fellow heroes, the fact that Captain Marvel's foes knew who each member of the Marvel clan was is impressive. Or woefully stupid, depending on whose perspective you're taking.

I know nothing about Platinum, but she seems like
she could cut a bitch. 

Phobia, who is one of many villians in this issue who feels inclined to work her name into conversation, keeps the Batson family further controlled by inflicting their greatest fears on them. Fortunately, Martian Manhunter density shifts into their ice fortress, declaring that he's tired of humans and their evil and their lust for power. Almost sounds like he's a little racist against humans. Sigh... Platinum of the Metal Men soon joins the fray and she looks eager to bust some heads. The Atom has been instructed to free Billy Batson, not understanding why. "Shazam!" Where did Billy Batson go? Captain Marvel? How long have you been here.

Over on Earth-X, aka Plant Apocalypse Land, Batman is leading his contingent and wiping the floor against the Penguin, Captain Cold, and assorted B-Listers with relative ease. Lex and Brainiac are less than pleased.

Finally, the fighting ends when The Spectre appears in the heavens across all five Earths, insisting that they stop because their true foe the Anti-Monitor still lives and it is only through their combined forces, as the Monitor had implemented them that they can hope to stop him. I don't know much about the Spectre. I know he's other worldly and is a bit of a spirit of retribution and something of a combat-capable Uatu the Watcher. A Battle Watcher, if you may. Truth be told, he appeared on the very final page of issue #8, but it felt so tacked on and took away from the emotional weight of Barry's death, so I didn't mention it. Was that passive aggressive of me? Maybe. Would it have resulted in better storytelling? Ye gods, yes.

"This is why we can't have nice things!!"

Since our heroes and villains clearly would have no way of figuring out the Anti-Monitor's latest scheme, it's up to the Spectre to spell it out. Those pink skies we've been seeing appearing progressively further back in time since last issue? Yeah, that's the Anti-Monitor making his way back to before the very dawn of time, before the great Oan oopsy-daisy caused the multiverse. From there, he'll change history, so that there will have never been anything but the Evil Anti-Matter Universe.

This portentous warning seems to be what it takes to stop the superhero/supervillain pissing contest. It's like when you're a kid  in the car on a long trip to Disney World, fighting with your sibling(s) in the back seat and your dad threatens to "shut the fuck up and behave yourselves or I'll turn this company-wide crossover event around and go home."

It does seem to be what it takes to get everyone on board. We see Brainiac and Luthor caucusing, agreeing to cooperate for the time being. I find it dubious that they have full command over the United Villain's Front in matters that aren't villainy, but three panels with them is more time efficient than two pages of cameos from 30 villains.

A well-deserved touching moment.

We move to Death Valley of Earth-1, where a two-front counter-offensive against the Anti-Monitor is being staged. Before we engage with that, however, we have a moment with Earth-2's Superman and Lois Lane-Kent. It's a tender, loving moment between the two of them. Considering we now know that Kryptonians are vulnerable to Anti-Matter, or at least in the Evil Anti-Matter Universe, every time he joins the fray, it must feel like he's going on a suicide mission. However, considering Earth-2 Superman is supposed to be the Superman readers first met way back in the day in Action Comics #1, and the version that has been allowed to (sort of) realistically age to the point where they appear as old and familiar as the DCU readers know, there is something special about this moment. As Superman assuages Lois of her fears, Lois says possibly the most defining thing that can be said about them as a set of characters. "You're the world's most relentless boy scout. And I know my problem, too. I wouldn't have it any other way."

A mildly creeper moment.

Unnoticed, Alexander Luthor, now back in his gold suit, watches this exchange at a distance.

With everything in readiness, we have our obligatory page of cameo porn. My favorite of course being Fearsome Five siblings, Shimmer and Mammoth commenting on how they don't like the new Dr. Light, whom we've established on multiple occasions as the best character in DC. I know it's probably because they don't like that she's appropriated the costumed identity of their ex teammate... whom they really didn't like either. I wish this had gone on just another panel longer so that Kimiyo could turn around, give them the stink eye, then turn back to whatever she was doing. However, as it stands, I do appreciate that she's depicted as close enough to hear them and clearly not giving a fuck.

Jay Garrick and Wally West are being fitted with big metal belts that act as power converters. I'm starting to notice a trend of DC's speedsters basically being as utilities. It makes me think that DC's speedsters could easily solve the energy crisis by running on treadmills for an hour in order to charge up electrical grids a few times a week.

They're all ready to get on with the show when we have a last minute addition to our bloated cast of characters in the form of Superboy Prime. Remember that character I mentioned was randomly included in Lyla's notes less than half an issue ago? Well, now he's here. Little did readers know that this would lead to Infinite Crisis...

Superboy-Prime has arrived. So much for cleaning up continuity

We have a panel where Captain Marvel observes Lady Quark and knows she's focused on her anger about her world's destruction and how she blames Pariah. Because that's where her interiority begins and ends, albeit understandably. I'd much have preferred her thoughts in this instance than Captain Marvel's, but it's interesting to note that she is so hyper-focused on Pariah's indirectly dooming her world that all her new peers can read her like a book.

"Good lord. She's at it again."

Uncle Sam is given the task of giving a St. Crispin's Day speech. Because America(?).

And so the plan is underway. The plan that the Spectre set in motion when he told the entire populace of five different Earth's to get their shit together and put on their big boy pants is that one team needs to travel back to the dawn of time to confront the Anti-Monitor. A second team must travel back in time to prevent the Oans from causing the problem in the first place. It occurs to me that if they had focused on stopping the Oans from causing the multiverse, the Anti-Monitor would never have existed and thus never need to be confronted at the dawn of time, but trying to suss out causal logic in a time travel narrative is like forgetting your safety word. It only results in more pain than you really want.

We have two time machines set up. Apparently, these have been out of commission, so they are Macguyvering it. Copper of the Metal men is acting as a conductor while all the assembled electric and magnetic powered characters charge him up. I'm guessing either the Speed Force is an essential ingredient in DC time travel or DC time machines need kinetic energy because Jay and Wally just start running circles around the site.

Superman-1 for some reason can time travel without the aid of a time machine (maybe that's what Jay and Wally are there for) and is taking Alexander Luthor along for the the ride. The two need to get there before everyone else so that Li'l Luthor can open up the way to the Evil Anti-Matter Universe... despite the fact that he hasn't been in possession of his anti-matter powers since his last "Cosmic Moses opening the Red Sea" moment. At this point in the event, the writers are praying your brain is on auto-pilot.

As the two contingents disappear into the timestream, Brainiac is alone in his spaceship, ruminating upon the numerical odds of his survival. It's kind of chilling to realize that the success of the mission has 0.000362% chances of success, he has a 0,00436% chance of survival, but his consciousness has a 0.043% change of survival electronically. I know it's splitting some incredibly thin hairs, but the fact that the entirety of existence might be snuffed out, a very singlemindedly malevolent presence might survive us all.

That middle panel, tho...

Far down below the depths of the oceans, Aqualad beseeches Queen Mera and Lori the mermaid, praying for an update on Tula's status, even though he already knows she's dead. He's grasping at straws, desperate for some way of saving her. It's a textbook example of the bargaining stage of grief. Chagrined, Lori tells him what he's asking is impossible. Despite all the many variously gifted heroes that populate their world, matters of life and death are insuperable. It is a genuinely hard to read moment from characters for whom I honestly have no frame of reference. Well done, Wolfman and Perez.

"Magic Wand! Make my monster
GROW!!!"

Meanwhile in the cosmic void that is the dawn of time, Team Anti-Anti-Monitor confront a skyscraper-sized Anti-Monitor. He has Pariah encased in a field of energy, which he presumably has been trapped in since he vanished from the UN Building last issue. Pariah attempts to ward away his allies. It turns out that Anti-Monitor had long been expecting them and this was all a part of his plan. I'm honestly wondering where this is going because for a while now, it seems like he's been throwing handfuls of spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks. Really, the more I see of him, the more I think he's just a lousy antagonist. I don't think I'd notice it so much if he were a recurring villain who comes back every third story arc, but he is the villain. In the previous nine issues, either his plans have been circumvented or he has been physically rebuffed no fewer than five times. It takes the impact out of your villain if he does nothing but make braggart declarations about how mightily evil and powerful he is and how each thing he does was really his master plan all along, only see him thwarted every other issue. That's bordering on Rita and Zed territory.

See, Lady Quark? It was all a big misunderstanding.

In accordance with the official supervillain handbook, Anti-Monitor monologues, detailing how Pariah's actions didn't trigger his reign of terror, just opened an opportunity that he pounced upon after lying in wait. Both Pariah and Lady Quark get a sense of closure from knowing that this hasn't all been Pariah's fault.

As Anti-Monitor declares (yet again) that he will destroy them all, Earth-1 Superman gives the command for them to attack, The energy projectors start blasting him while all the super-strong characters start smacking his hard candy shell. Over on the sidelines, all the badass normals and non combat-powered characters are being a bunch of looky-loos. Robin asks what they can do to help and Batman says "We can give them hope." Oh. Hope. Thanks, Bats. I would have at least tried the Care Bear Cousins Call, but let's go with hope.

Batman has read The Secret and knows the value of positive thinking.

Meanwhile, all of the villains have been deployed to Oa, where they attempt to stop the scientist Krona's experiment before he breaks the universe and thus creates the multiverse. Oan lives are expendable, so clearly despite cooperating, they're not exactly playing nice. Ancient Oans, however, are telepaths and Team Stop The Oans are quickly outclassed by a psychic whammy. The few that make it through the psi-assault burst through the wall of Krona's lab like the Kool-Aid Man. It's all for naught, though as a well-placed explosion lays them low.

I wonder if their psi abilities are the true origin of the
GLC's power source?

Back in dawn of time, all the characters shooting energy at the Anti-Monitor has served to only make him more powerful. Oops. Well, since that strategy isn't working, let's try something else. The Spectre levels up, growing to the same gargantuan size as Anti-Monitor. In order to support this form, he taps into all the mystically empowered characters to act as a power supply, linking arms as they channel their energies into him.

The Spectre drank all his milk, ate all his veggies, and a bowl of Wheaties...

And it is only at this point that I realize what I am reading is effectively a precursor to a Power Rangers Megazord battle. Maybe I was onto something with comparing Anti-Monitor to Rita and Zed. He spends much of the first half of the series watching the heroes fight his shadow warriors like an army of Putties from the security of a view screen, both Supergirl and the Flash significantly ruin his "Plan A" stratagems. The only thing left for him to do is grow to enormous strength only to be defeated by an equally large manifestation of the team's gestalt efforts.

"By your powers combined, I am... still the Spectre."

It really looks like the heroes have a fighting chance when a window of purple energy appears in the sky. It is Krona of the Oans, his experiment underway. This is what Anti-Monitor has been waiting for. Spectre thinks there is still a chance he just needs more power but as he says this, the world begins to crack and shatter into shards as the issue draws to an end. The narration makes it explicit that this is the end of all that was.

Who was the wiseass who hid the final page of the issue
behind all this crap?

It's not the first time the series has trolled us with this sort of ominous cliffhanger ending and we still have two issues to go, so I won't exactly cry into my diary over this now. It's a page I had to look at a few time because it is so filled with Kirby dots and cosmic energies, that it took me a few passes to figure out what was happening, let alone who was talking. Like I said, last issue's ending while not being cosmically epic the way most of these issues ends worked better because it was clear what was happening and who was in danger. This issue's final page falls back to the series' trend of coupling cosmic, somewhat abstract visuals and foreboding purple narration. Crisis has played this sort of ending within an inch of its life and loses its impact the more Wolfman and Perez return to that well. By the conclusion of this series, I don't want to be mentally on autopilot the way these issue endings mostly have been.

As a whole, I really oughtn't complain too much about this issue. Sure, the first third is dedicated to finishing up the "Villains Assemble" arc, which in and of itself was pointless filler. But even so, this issue has has a lot of forward momentum and knows when it needs a few minutes to breathe. It gets the book back on track both in terms of the overall thrust of the series itself as well as getting back to the more focused attention to its characters that we we saw toward the middle of the series. Although, it doesn't reach what it was. Too much of the creative team's attention is devoted to getting everyone in the DCU back on the same page to have time to really zero in on a couple focal characters. But that's an acceptable cost for getting this story back on track. Reassembling the collected heroes and villains into a unified corps for a common goal doesn't quite have the grandeur and excitement it had the first time they were all assembled, but I think that's for the best since we are spending far less time with inessential interactions.

I didn't talk a lot about "The Monitor Tapes." I was initially planning to just insert a quick blurb about each panel of it we see at the tail end of each paragraph, but other than being nonsequitur and distracting, it also would have divided scene recaps in half. For the most part, though, they are interesting if you like getting some insight into the greater cosmology of the DCU, but ultimately, I don't think it's necessary. I don't think it needed to be spliced up and inserted into each page of the issue (if you're reading on the Comixology app, panel-by-panel, it really upsets the flow of the reading experience), nor do I think it even warranted being presented at the back of the issue because it isn't a story in its own right. It's literally just a series of wide panels in grayscale accompanied with texts from Lyla's notes. It's an illustrated debrief. My guess is either the creative team had more story in mind than they could fit or more scene tableaux ready than they could fit in the story organically and by god(s), they were going to fit it in, come hell or high water. It's an oddity. Interesting? Certainly. Integral to the narrative? Nope.

Next week, we're switching back to Marvel and see how things go for the Avengers Unity Squad in their efforts against The Shredded Man now that we've thrown a Cable into the pot in Uncanny Avengers (vol 3) #3.