See Barry. See Barry Run. Run, Barry, Run!

So yeah, after weeks of Crisis causing me nothing but terminal misery and snark, last issue was the equivalent of a post-coital cigarette. By narrowing the lens while maintaining the scale of their storytelling, Wolfman and Perez managed to tell a story in which  the noble sacrifice of one character is given more weight and meaning that they've so far managed to give to the potential destruction of the multiverse. The question now becomes was last issue a case of Wolfman and Perez finally hitting their stride or was it a glorious apex? With that in mind, let us examine Crisis on Infinite Earths #8.

The cover is not quite as good as the previous issue's, but it's still quite impressive. It's one of those covers which, like last time, is a bit of a classic. I don't think it's become quite as iconic as the death of Supergirl, but I think it's a motif that is repeated enough that it feels classic. We see The Flash in what appears to be a devastated cityscape with smoky red and yellow sky, standing over a knocked out Psycho-Pirate as he faces down an opponent. Said opponent dominates the foreground, his legs arching high over the Flash. Perhaps the perspective is a bit too low because  so that it appears like Barry is checking out his foe's package. Then again, the alternatives would have been to make the Flash look bigger, which would have taken away from the menace of the sheer size of his adversary, or lower the perspective, which would have resulted in there being a giant ass smack dab in the middle of the cover, which I suspect would not have met with CCA approval, as opposed to as it is, obscured by the title.

Could you at least face up while you
rant incessantly at him?

We open up on the Anti-Monitor's ship, and boy does it seem like Anti-Monitor's interior decorator must be getting tons of overtime. After Anti-Monitor finally found the light switch, it at first looked like your standard space ship with panels and view screens. Then last issue looked like a combination of ancient Middle Eastern ruins and Notre Dame de Paris as drawn by M.C. Escher. Now his hideout is composed of stone bricks, cyberpunk support beams and Kirby crackle. Like, 50% Kirby crackle. It makes you understand why Anti-Monitor had the lights off for the first 5 issues because that must be one burdensome electrical bill.

Not only does the Kirby crackle provide illumination, but it also seems to now be a method of containment, presently pinioning Flash with a series of glowing yellow tentacles that tether him into place in a doorway high overhead of his present jailer, Psycho-Pirate. Psy-Pi seems to be pre-occupied about his job security (and by that we mean "odds of survival"), blathering on to the Flash about how fearful he is about having failed Anti-Monitor in the one job he's been kept around for.

Misery is Psy-Pi's voice.

The Flash looks like he's in a state of constant misery. Whether it's because he's in full-body lockdown or because he has to listen to Psy-Pi's ramble on is purely up for speculation. Psy-Pi's prattling finally starts to eke out the very beginnings of a plan to turn on Anti-Monitor when who should appear at just the wrong part of the conversation but the Anti-Monitor...

You'll need to take him down before you can beat Crash Man...

And oh my god, he needs to fire his tailor because he looks ridiculous. I'll admit, I wasn't completely sold on his original design, but at least it had the virtue of being menacing and imposing. The more I look at his newly designed look, the more I think it's Air Man from Mega Man II trying desperately to look imposing. He seems to be aware of how silly he looks by reminding us that he needed to construct a new form since Supergirl broke his previous one. Because there's nothing classier than pinning your bad sartorial choices on your victims. It also doesn't explain why he just didn't build a better reinforced version of his previous look instead of asking Dr. Wiley to design something for him.

He allays Psy-Pi's fears, as though his new clown suit wasn't killing the tension enough, by telling him he still has his uses, so he won't be killed yet. That last word is probably pretty pivotal. Although, since he still loathes Psy-Pi, Anti-Monitor cannot help but mention that he would rather find anyone else with his specific talents if time weren't a factor. Seriously, I bet his employee evaluations are nothing but backhanded compliments. Under the "attendance and punctuality" heading, he'll write, "this pathetic, mewling worm would not dare be late or absent if he hopes to survive his employment."

In a battle of DC vs Coherent Continuity, DC wins every time.

We now turn our attention to Apokalips. I think cutting directly here from the previous scene does Anti-Monitor a huge disservice. The New Gods, and Darkseid in particular, are the DC's crowning representation of Jack Kirby's design aesthetic. Anti-Monitor was designed trying so hard to be Kirby-esque, but he didn't quite hit the mark before and certainly doesn't now. The subtext of this scene might as well be, "yes, this is what a real cosmic-level villain looks like." Now back to the Mega Man level boss... This scene's purpose is two-fold. Firstly, Darkseid explains that he is not taking an active part in this story What is it with characters appearing to explain why they aren't appearing? First Lois in Superman III, then the Amazons during the first half of Crisis, even Spider-Man when I recapped Uncanny Avengers. Do writers think they're pleasing us by showing us what would have been good? A tip for any writers out there: don't make references to much superior works in your stories. It just makes the audience regret the fact they are reading your works instead of theirs.

Secondly, Darkseid makes a statement that I cannot possibly imagine could be read as anything other than meta commentary. I imagine by now, DC's offices had been deluged with fan mail in protest of rebooting the entirety of the DCU and Wolfman was really having fun trolling them.

Back on Oa, we have finally caught up with the immediate aftermath of the explosion that happened two issues ago. Because the Oans are an efficient lot. Rather than get to business about the multiversal threat, the blue man group devolves into finger-pointing and bureaucratic squabbling about parliamentary procedures. The self-appointed Guardians of the Universe, ladies and gentlemen...

Bureaucratic quibbling from the folks who broke the multiverse. Well played...

Meanwhile, sort of, in the 30th Century, Brainiac-5 is cranky about the current predicament and none of his teammates can get through to him. That is all.

At least someone gets it. 

Back in the present of Earth-1, everyone's least favorite fire-headed misogynist Firestorm looks out across his (also my) home city of Pittsburgh's skyline. I can't honestly say I recognize it. Taking into consideration, I only relocated here in the early 00's, mayhaps it looked different in the 1980s... [checks the interwebs] Nope. So my guess is that either 1. Pittsburgh is different on Earth-1, 2. Perez didn't know Firestorm lived in a real world city when he was drafting (DC does have A LOT of fictional US cities, to be fair), or 3. Perez didn't have access to pictures of Pittsburgh's skyline because these were the pre-internet days.

Anyway, he's hanging out on a water tower, totally ignoring a pterosaur when he is joined by what appears to be his distaff counterpart (and possibly lover, unless "Hello lover" is just being used as a casual expression), Firehawk, who has finally broken the curse of unsettling theriomorphic themed costumes in this series. She has a feather-like wing cape and a bird's head emblem on her chest. That's all you need. I'm thankful at least one character knows that less is more. Firehawk might not be the brightest light in the heavens as doesn't grasp the point of pin the tail on the donkey hinges upon being blindfolded. But at least she seems to acknowledge Firestorm for what he is, and to be honest, I'm surprised CCA policies allowed for the word "jackass."

Put some ice in that wound, 'Hawk. (I regret nothing)

80s Fashion Maven

She teases him for his former power couple status with Killer Frost when she should be calling him out on what a jerk he was to her when convenient for Robby, he gets a message from Vixen, who has caught Red Tornado's evil inventor, T.O. Morrow. Important to note-- Vixen has hella Wolverine hair in this era. She honestly looks pretty fashionable overall. She more or less looks as she does today, but where her appearance differs is so very patently 80s. She has the aforementioned big hair, ankle boots, and a belt that seems to be a red low-slung circle belt. I think my mom wore one of those except in turquoise green. I know that red on yellow is probably a bit too garish today, but she's rocking it.

I've really only encountered her at this point through her appearances on JLU, although she has a solo tv animated series that's on my bucket list. I really didn't know what the scope of her abilities until I did a bit of research. I honestly feel a bit ashamed that I'm not better versed in her background. She's one of DC's most prominent DC heroines of color and at one point was positioned to be the first DC heroine of color until the DC Implosion of '78. As for powers, she basically has the same power modus operandi as White Tiger, granted animal-themed powers from an ancient mystical totem, but with the range of Beast Boy, and thus she can basically adopt and/or mimic the attributes of the entire animal kingdom both in existence or exctinct.

The three of them meet up on the Justice League's now-reinstated satellite along with the Teen Titans' Cyborg and Martian Manhunter, who are working on getting Red Tornado back up and running after the Anti-Monitor suped up his abilities to uncontrollable levels and and unleashed him on his friends. The Atom is shrunken down trying to help solve this problem from inside Red Tornado.

Loincloths over bodysuits
are all the rage in Europe.

For some reason, Ray Palmer's costume includes a long, flowing loincloth with an ornate gold belt hilted with a sword scabbard and complemented with gold jewel encrusted gauntlets. It looks like something out of a Swords and Sorcery narrative. It honestly piques my interest in the Atom (or at least the Atom story immediately preceding this, Sword of the Atom Special #1-2, because I have a fondness for the odd alchemy that happens when you throw a character into a genre that is clearly not their bailiwick and see what happens, such as a science hero in a Conan story (see also: the X-Men in Asgard; Captain America as a werewolf).

That being said, why is he wearing these things over his normal costume? He's clearly wearing pants. I assume he wouldn't be bothering with them if the crotch area had lost its integrity. In fact, it probably is a hindrance in combat because it's added weight that probably throws off his balance in normal fighting style. And probably gets stuck in doors and elevators all the damn time. Don't get me wrong, as a gay reader, I'm all for equal opportunity fanservice and comics can always use a few more scantily clad buff guys (not boys like Komandi and Anthro, whose loinclothedness makes me feel mildly uncomfortable) to even out the number of female characters running around in glorified bikinis, but this is just... incredibly odd stupid poorly thought out. What would have been an interesting redesign is a complete genre-specific redesign where the D&D elements were expanded upon. I think Ray Palmer would make a pretty good Paladin.

I also notice that the Atom is referring to Ray Palmer both as though he were another person and in the past tense. Sometimes, I forget that DC clings much closer and much longer to the secret identities notion much more stringently than Marvel.

Cyborg hates Tony Stark T.O. Morrow.

Atom can't quite grasp the tech he's seeing inside Red Tornado, causing Morrow to brag-- and ye gods does T.O. Morrow resemble early Tony Stark! I'm seriously wondering whether that was intentional, considering he appeared within 5 years of Iron Man's debut, they both are robotics geniuses, and both futurists. Is he supposed to be DC's evil Tony Stark? 'Cause Marvel's good Tony Stark does some pretty morally dubious shit on a whim... like, a lot. So evil Tony is kind of a scary notion.

This is why no-one likes you, Robby.

The visual Atom is transmitting on the projection screen surprised Morrow as it doesn't resemble what he built. Professor Stein tries to warn Robby, but Firestorm, as I've mentioned, is a freaking asshat and responds with snark. Ye gods, as much as I love Victor Garber on The Flash, at least going by his appearances in Crisis, I do not want to read more Firestorm stories.

Adorkable.

We cut to the beaches of LA and probably my favorite sub-plot of the issue. Green Lantern (John Stewart, to be precise) has come to recruit Blue Devil, who is laying out at the beach under and umbrella in teeny tiny swim trunks. Now, from what I understand, Blue Devil's whole deal is that he's pretty much a normal guy stuck in a special effects "blue devil" exosuit that grants him strength and an array of powers. So, it causes he to feel pretty baffled by a lot of the choices here. Wouldn't it be hot in the Summer sun in that thing? Why is he trying to tan his blue exosuit? Why is he wearing shorts? His whole body is a suit. Why would he want additional clothes on at the beach? Is his suit anatomically correct or is it just a way of feeling a bit closer to normal? These questions are never to be addressed. BD admits he thought that the Crisis was over, and to be fair, at that point, the average mini-series rarely surpassed five or six issues, so his confusion is understandable. It is a little endearing that he seems a little sheepish about it... that or being caught by effectively his co-worker in naught but a pair of thigh-high trunks.

Yeah, he probably wouldn't.

One costume change later and they are up on the Watchtower, where Morrow has recruited him as a last resort, since BD's self-designed bio suit is comparable to the sentient artificial life form in need of medical attention. Apples to apples, right? Having Blue Devil around would have been a good thing if Morrow actually had listened to him because BD picks up on something off just as Morrow removes Tornado's head causing his body to explode. Devil manages to save the not-so-good doctor away from the blast, while Firestorm manages to rescue Martian Manhunter. Firehawk's uniform is burnt up, but she's fine because this is a comic and fanservice is just something we've all learned to live with. She tells Firestorm to turn around what her powers materialize a new and more impressive outfit. Morrow breaks free of Blue Devil and makes a run for it, vanishing, and while chasing him down Blue Devil gets sucked into a wormhole. So much for that calm day on the beach he'd hoped for...

That'll make you think twice about coming in on your day off.

He winds up in the Vegan star system on-board the bridge of the Omega Men's ship. They seem to have been sucked into a wormhole and ended up here, too. I have no frame of reference for these guys, but I have to admit they do a fairly good job of letting you know what kind of person each of them is in pretty short order. Rynoc is the resident Worf, Shlagen is the Snarf, and Zirral is... um... she has really big hair, so I guess she's Jem. We don't have too much time to get used to them however when their space vessel starts to fall apart fairly rapidly, causing Devil to wonder how he's going to get out of this scrape, and obliging DC editorial to tell readers where to find the next chapter of his story. I really do miss the days of comic book footnotes.

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Back in the Evil Anti-Matter Universe (EAMU), the Anti-Monitor is overseeing a cannon that will destroy all five of the remaining realities. The logistics of a cannon that will destroy five entire dimensions simultaneously is probably something I should not spend too much time dwelling on, but suffice to say that is sounds really imposing the first time you read it, especially when coupled with the menacing closeup of the Anti-Monitor (stupid new costume notwithstanding), but with each successive pass the idea sounds increasingly implausible. Not only would the cannon need a profoundly wide range, but it would require a blast that vibrates on 5 different dimensional frequencies.

After six issues of captivity, this is satisfaction distilled.

I seriously wish he was rattling off a string of profanities
he learned from The Old Man. 

Despite some pretty worried thought balloons, Psycho-Pirate is being his usual flippant, cocky self towards Flash. I'm starting to think he might be a textbook case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He is utterly self-interested and self-motivated, has consistently shown exactly zero interest in others' feelings or how his actions impact others (which is doubly impressive when you consider the fact that his powers are by nature empathic), and is pretty theatrical about pretty much everything he does, and always making himself the center of attention by playing to an audience whether or not one exists. Granted, he's a villain, but even by the metric of villains, he seems to exist solely to be a jerk. Darkseid is an imperious, master strategist with his entire planet and literally matters of life and death on his mind. Villains closer to Psycho-Pirate's pay grade have vendettas and objectives that bring them into conflict with do-gooders, such as fellow Monitor recruits, Dr. Polaris and Psimon, who still have their villainous flourishes in terms of methodology and dialogue (in this era, they tend to call people fools and dolts), but still manage to work cooperatively with the heroes when called upon in this series, because, well, the Earth is where they keep all their stuff. Psycho-Pirate seems to be driven solely out of a need for attention and/or sustenance. And considering he feeds off others' emotions, his sustenance is effectively attention.

Barry ain't fuckin' around.

Psy-Pi is about to go into another one of his sessions of taunting/emotionally torturing Flash when the scarlet speedster catches him by surprise, having freed himself from his captivity, he spins off his yellow tentacle bindings and manages to both sucker punch Psy-Pi and knock out the Thunderer (Anti-Monitor's home grown caste of overseers) on guard duty. Psy-Pi attempts to put the psychic whammy on Flash again, but after days and days of torment, it causes something in the Flash to snap and goes on a full-on "Ralphie vs Scut Farkus from Christmas Story" freak out, pummeling Psy-Pi in a flurry of fists and fury.

#Teapartiers #Trumpsupporters. 

Psy-Pi begs for mercy, offering to do anything he wants and Flash already has a plan in mind. He rapidly carries Psy-Pi around Anti-Monitor's lair, and inflicts Psy-Pi on each and every one of Anti-Monitor's Thunderers, turning each and every one of them violently against their master. During the distraction, Fearful of Anti-Monitor's retribution, Psy-Pi begs Flash to save him, as usual throwing himself in with whichever option is most convenient. But after weeks of torture, Flash doesn't have too many qualms about knocking Psy-Pi out and leaving him to his master's tender mercies.

Normally, this would make me think he's
being possessed or mind controlled.

Admittedly, this struck me as a bit of a dick move for his character. I'm so used to Wally (or live-action Barry with Wally's personality) being a hero that tries to see the good in others and is a bit quicker to forgive than he ought to be, especially when someone is already defeated or at their lowest ebb that I was genuinely taken aback by this jerkass moment. It seems to go against the "big damn hero" to kick your opponent when he's down, but then I consider how long he has not only been subjugated but psychologically tomented and effectively psychically raped by Psy-Pi using him as a source of sustenance. It's understandable why he doesn't give any fucks about him at this point.

A profound mixture of determination and resignation

Flash speeds across the base and finally comes to the anti-matter cannon, which looks like a cyberpunk gyroscope spinning around a globe of kirby crackle. I doubt I would have pieced together what, if anything, this was supposed to be. But as a practitioner of comic book science, Barry Allen knows right away what a huge threat this is (even if again, it is conceptually pretty silly) and concludes that he has to do whatever he has to in order to destroy it. And so the Flash turns to his signature problem-solving tactic: running. He pushes himself harder and faster than he ever has before in order to repel the energies of the cannon back into its source.

I think we could have subbed out Joker for
someone else he cares about in this kind of moment.

It's actually pretty impressive that even with all he's suffered since this series began and with being in the middle of what he he's doing he still manages to be both incredible introspective as well as keep himself focused on the mission. As a reader, you suddenly realize that he knew that this was both a Hail Mary play and a suicide mission from the moment he broke free of his bonds. He knew how heavily the deck was stacked against him. He's outnumbered, at least had to know he was far beyond reach of Earth, let alone his home reality, and considering the display of power the Anti-Monitor had shown thus far, he could only get so far by distracting him before getting caught again. What he's doing is going out on his terms, after days or weeks of subjugation, he's using his final moments as a defiant assertion of his own agency.

He successfully destroys the casing of the weapon, causing the energies to escape. Still his task is not at an end as he pushes himself so hard that time becomes askew and he starts getting flashes from the past of Kid Flash, the Joker, and Batman (the latter two were from their earlier scene way back in issue #2). I think this moment could have been expanded upon (we're coming up shortly on what could have been cut to make room) by seeing significant moments from his past, such as his marriage to and death of Iris, kissing Reverse Flash, gaining his powers, or mentoring Wally. What we see does reflect where he's popped up before during Crisis but they don't have the extra oomph that a "past flashing before my eyes" kind of moment ought to have.  I figure Wolfman and Perez opted for images that would tie it into the event better, which is understandable, since otherwise those previous ghostly appearances of him feel like big-lipped alligator moments.

Dying on his own terms in a just cause rather than
on his knnes at the Anti-Monitor's hands.

He succeeds in his mission, causing the mission to explode, but it seems that in the process that Flash pushed himself too far to save himself as we see him panel by panel become emaciated and ultimately vanish. I believe he'll later be said to have become one with the Speed Force, but I don't know if that's the original intent or a retcon.

Barry's sacrifice lacks the grand outpouring of mourning that Kara had, which is a shame for a character who had been such an integral part of the DCU for decades at that point. You think of the deaths of big A-listers, especially in DC, and you imagine the full pomp and circumstance funeral of a hero/funeral of a friend story, just as we had last week with Kara, but this time his death goes unsung. It's both sad and noble. Where it lacks the news coverage and a eulogy from Batgirl, the narration and the visuals provide an insight that let the reader know that this sacrifice will be felt even if it goes unknown, its impact will not go unnoticed.

This narration is almost as good as a big funeral with the entire Justice League. Almost.

Anti-Monitor is most displeased and gives the most stock of stock villain speeches. It might as well end with "Next time, Gadget! Next time!" It's indicative of one of the major failings of the character. As I said before, he's less of a character than he is a concept. He's the crux around which this story hinges, but his basic dossier of "more evil than the worst villain you can think of" pretty much sums it up." He's scary and foreboding, but I don't know what makes him tick, other than evil for evil's sake, which doesn't make for a very dynamic or all that interesting an antagonist.

And i would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!

Elsewhere on Earth-1, the Challengers of the Unknown, for whom I have no frame of reference and who serve no purpose other than acting as a Greek chorus to this issue's epilogue, are using their equipment in their non-evil mountain lair to scan for... stuff... in space... I guess. One of them asks about subspace readings that Superman had asked about. I don't think that was covered in a previous issue and I don't know if it will pay off later. Regardless, their ears are suddenly assailed by a scream of fantastic might that is something otherworldly. We turn the final page of the issue and there, looming massively over the five Earths of the remaining multiverse  is the Spectre, surrounded by Kirby dots and lightning, mourning for the fate of the multiverse and his impotence in the face of its doom.

Effectively, I think this issue should have ended two pages earlier. You had the noble sacrifice coupled with some beautiful narration, plus a coda for the silly foreboding threat of continual presence and greater danger from the primary antagonist. It was if not perfect, then at least incredibly good. But the story sticks around for another page and a half longer than it needs to and really feels like when you're hosting a party and want to go to bed around, but there are people who refuse to leave, and not even people you know-- friends of friends of friends. Even if I hadn't been reading the latter half of this issue later in the evening, I would have still been put off by the creative team stepping on the toes of the loss of a major character by scotch taping this bunch of randos as far as the reader is concerned for a requisite ominous final splash page. Hm. It just occurs to me that the previous issue (aka #7 aka the best issue thus far) is the only one that didn't feel compelled to include a cliffhanger final splash. Funny that...

This issue had an incredibly tough act to follow. Just like last time, it isn't a perfect issue, but again the highs of the issue as well as its sense of consequence in the actions of its protagonists make up for the issue's less impressive moments. That being said, I don't think this issue reaches neither the apex of Supergirl vs Anti-Monitor nor the nadir of 10 solid pages of primordial backstory. It is a solidly good example of storytelling.

A Haunted Tank In Every Garage

He's got the whole cast in his hands

The cover of this week’s installment is pretty busy. This isn’t really a spoiler but there’s a lot going on, and it seems like Wolfman and Perez couldn’t decide on one decisive image that crystalizes what happens in this issue, so everything that happens in this issue is on this cover. Everything. Why read it? Just look at the cover and save your money for next month. I’m half tempted to just describe the cover and call it a day, but it is my sworn duty to go cover to cover for you, so never you fear. Anyway, back to the cover…

Written above the title, is written, “Titans! The Legion! The Outsiders! And more!” The page is divided into four tableaux.  In the top quadrant, we see the Legion. I really don’t recognize most of these guys, despite having met them last issue, but it looks like Brainiac 5 and a woman in white are watching the rest of the team blasting energy beams at… something, I guess, from one of the view screens of their base. A second screen shows a character in green with a turban floating in mid-air with a wall about to collapse on him.  To the left, Cyborg, Green Lantern, Brainiac, and Firebrand are in the Old West, presumably one of these guys is Jonah Hex. To the right, Batman, the Teen Titans, and the Outsiders (I don’t really know their deal, but I recognize Katana and they seem pretty cool) surround another spectre-like vision of The Flash.

Down below, Blue Beetle, Dr. Polaris, and Geo Force (I may slip and call him GF Man… ye gods, that stupid chest emblem…) are near the sight of one of the golden cyberpunk spires. Of greater interest is the fact that they are accompanied by a group of WWII era American soldiers. They are riding a tank that has been mounted with a Confederate flag. I thought these gold towers were only on Earths-1 and 2. So either this troop of soldiers are all from South Carolina (or at least The South), or the Civil War ended very differently on Earth-2.

Again, I say there is too much going on in this cover, but it does have some unifying elements. At the center of the page is the planet Earth. Bolts of energy converge upon it, dividing the four scenes. Above all these scenes, the Monitor’s face appears, looking somber and half cast in shadows. Below, the Monitor’s two hands cup the lower quadrants of the imagery, bathed in the same energy emitting from the Earth. The greatest takeaway is he ponderous sense of responsibility the Monitor feels, literally holding the fate of the Earth in his hands.

The issue starts in the Monitors’ base. He is using his equipment to examine a very naked Alexander Luthor, who has aged to about age 12 in the span of two days. Seriously? Two days and you haven’t thought to hook this kid up with clothes? And we are supposed to trust you with the fate of the multiverse? Hell, I don’t even trust you with the fate of this kid. I’m calling Child Services. The

Can you clothe the little star child as you study him? Please

Monitor determines that it is more than just his rapid aging that makes him remarkable, but the fact that, as a result of his being rocketed from the now destroyed Earth-3 to Earth-1, his very body seems to be composed of both matter and anti-matter. In case, you’re just joining us, last issue we were told that anti-matter is a form of energy that is making the different realities go up in smoke, essentially negating/erasing them from existence. He isn’t exactly sure how this has happened, but he believes Alexander is the key to their salvation.

#Daddyissues

While he contemplates this, Harbinger contemplates that her father is ignoring her. This brief moment of human clarity soon devolves into her worrying that he is wise to her corrupted nature. Instead of following up on this concern, she instead checks in with the unseen bad guy. Okay, I’m going to digress again. Sorry, this has to be said. The “villain in the shadows” shtick is getting silly. I get the distinct impression that Wolfman and Perez hadn’t figured out who their big bad was supposed to be just yet and they didn’t have time to fill him in when the book before the print deadline. Regardless, the shadowy figure trope works with a set up like Dr. Claw on Inspector Gadget because the high-backed chair obscures him while still leaving one arm open to gesture and physically express itself. In this case, we literally have a silhouette walking around. Sorry Perez, no bueno. I keep waiting for Peter Pan to try to stick him on with soap. I honestly thought him being a voice in the darkness could have worked a bit longer, but I can see why as an artist, he wanted to make some attempt to visualize him, so I’ll give him some credit for good intentions. That being said, I think this is definitely a case of “less is more.”

What is up with this evil lair's lighting design?!

Okay, getting back on track. At [unknown villain’s] base, Harbinger and Psy-Pi have some banter that makes me want to write a fanfic exploring their obvious UST. Psy-Pi revels in telling her of all the myriad lives their master has promised him. Monitor shushes him long enough to instruct

Harbinger to kill Alexander Luthor. She flies off without reply. Psy-Pi says Harbinger is unstable and offers to use his powers to better manipulate. However, our big bad can’t seem to get enough of shooting down Psy-Pi even when he makes a valid point. She’s a good guy, so it wouldn’t be unwise to make extra efforts to keep her under your sway.

Cut to the future where we meet the Flash. The book isn’t specific about this and I’m still banned from Wiki-research, so I’m going to at least guess it’s a good future, considering his thought balloons say he’s been happy and hopeful for the month that he’s been here and living in retirement. Or it would be all sunshine and lollipops if it weren’t for the fact that Mother Nature appears to have gone insane. Suddenly, a white energy force is seen coming in his direction. Flash isn’t fast enough to dodge it and fades into a fuzzy blur.

Meanwhile, in the 80s, the end is nigh! The anti-matter field seems to be coming down on a sky scraper. The Teen Titans are teamed up with the Outsiders. I think this is New York, considering I think that’s where the Titans are situated, but I could be wrong. DC sure does love its fictional cities. At this point, I’m giving up on trying to ID every single character I see. There’s just not enough space on the page. Instead, I’ll just point out that Beast Boy—sorry, I mean Changeling transforms into an elephant, a green elephant because he’s Changeling and all his beast forms are green, and it is a high contender for my favorite moment in the issue. Half the assembled teams seem to be attempting to fight the energy field, which seems kind of like attacking the sea with spears—their tactical skills are on par with Caligula’s. What I was more invested in was the team members dedicated to rescue. With an apocalyptic event, that’s where junior/b-list team are probably better suited, considering their books are more character-driven. Soon, they are joined by Batman and Superman, who saves the walking continuity snarl known as Donna Troy from being crushed by a collapsing building. Then Superman joins Team Futility, where Starfire, whose backstory from memory I can tell you involves being an alien princess of a conquered world, enslavement, and hella PTSD, is giving it her all. Superman, being everyone’s big brother, has to talk her down.

Imagine how fanservicey this would have been in the New 52...

Another sidebar: which is better? Jericho’s sideburns or Nightwing’s amazingly “disco” first costume? Does it matter? No, they both deserve equal praise! If only Dick could be compelled to grow awesome mutton chops like that so we could combine both into one fashionable package.

Suddenly, The Flash appears again. He doesn’t get to say too much more than they last time he appeared to Batman before seemingly blinking out of existence again. This time, rather than disintegrating, it’s more like someone turned off the Flash channel on an older model of television.

Meanwhile, in space, Brainiac is riding around in a space ship shaped like a skull, like his own head, in fact, with octopus tentacles… like a baller. He too recognizes that some real s#%t is about to go down and his programming is all about his own self-preservation, requiring him to reach out to find those who might be of use to him, namely Lex Luthor.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

These protect quests go on forever...

Oh, yeah. The gold monolith teams… I’d almost forgotten about those guys. Blue Beetle, Geo Force, and Magnet—I mean Dr. Polaris have found themselves in the midst of war-torn Markovia, where they come to the aid of a small troop of soldiers. And these guys… Okay, military guys, I’ve never found them too remarkable. When my next door neighbor was playing with toy soldiers, I was quite honestly content to play with my superheroes and model rockets. But these guys are pretty amazing. Apparently, Lt. Jeb Stuart rides a tank named Jeb Stuart, both of whom are named after Lt. Jeb Stuart’s ancestor, Confederate General Jeb Stuart, who haunts Jeb Stuart—the tank not the lieutenant. That description really needs a visual aid. The ghost of General Stuart is fairly amorphous. If I didn’t sneak a peek at the internet while my boss wasn’t looking, I’d have no idea who this guy was, let alone know why this cloud of smoke was talking. The general delivers a message of—you guessed it—portentous doom.

Haunted Tank... your argument is invalid.

 The rest of the gang are on a different part of the battlefield and have fairly generic names, which I presume give us a window into their personalities: Four-Eyes, Wildman, Rock, and Bulldozer. These sound more like call signs the more I think about it though, like the fighter pilots on BSG.

               Geo-Force is highly invested in helping these guys out since he happens to be Markovian, and these soldiers are protecting the country’s stock generic peasant population from the Nazis. Again, just like in last issue, Monitor seems to have picked the wrong people for this mission. They can’t seem to stay focused on the whole end of the world thing. They’d much rather pay attention to the proverbial bush in the foreground of a painting instead of looking at the bigger picture. The Nazis, meanwhile are interested in monolith because they want the technology for themselves. I’m guessing that this series coming out in and around the same time as the Indiana Jones films probably influenced this little beat in the story.

               When Jeb and the rest meet up with the rest of the gang, we have two more characters, a soldier named Johnny Cloud, who I think might be either Native American or very New Age since he believes in the Great Spirit Guides, and sea captain who wears and eye patch and goes by the name Storm. In the next row down, there is also a black soldier named Jackie. I’ve lost track of whether he was with the first group and only getting name-dropped now or if he was hanging out with Cloud and Storm. Honestly, I have no idea if these three separate groups that converge are different war comics properties or if they are all parts of a larger ensemble. This whole time, they kept calling themselves losers. I thought that was just what they were calling themselves as underdogs. Nope. Turns out that’s their “team name,” for lack of a better description. The shadow beasts appear and seize a handful of the Losers: Johnny Cloud, Captain Storm, Sarge, and Gunner. The latter two were only named after they were seized, so I really have no sense of attachment to them. This is when I realized these guys must be some toyline that DC bought the rights to make into comics, like G.I. Joes or those little army guys that everyone had growing up in the 80s, or at least they were created to compete with the GI Joe comics which I believe Marvel held the rights and were pretty successful in its day. The Losers decide to shoot at the shadows, and Flowers, named so because there are flowers in his helmet, is killed one panel after he is named. I think it should go without saying that rifles are fairly useless against shadows, but Dr. Polaris and Geo Force have a fairly creative team-up in which Geo-force pinions the creature to the ground using his geo-gravity abilities while Dr. Polaris uses his magnetic powers to stretch it, causing it to shatter. Honestly, I think Dr. Polaris could have used his magnetic powers to accomplish both these tasks, but hero/villain team-ups are to be appreciated whenever possible.

Just inserted into the mythos and now we'll never see the Blue Beetle in the DCU again... Right?

               Oh, looks like everyone forgot about The Blue Beetle. He’s been climbing up the golden tower hoping he can do science at it and figures that is where he can really contribute. Suddenly a shadow creature phases through the tower and nearly knocking him down, but then it explodes. Why? Because he inherited a mystical blue scarab from his predecessor and it only becomes handy (he actually seems to have completely forgotten he had it) when the plot deems it necessary. However, both high and low, our protagonists seems to realize that they are drastically outnumbered by the shadow creatures—they’re boned. Viewing them from a view screen, The Monitor also acknowledges how badly they’re screwed and opts to send all three of them back to their own places and times, vanishing in a blast of blue and green light, rather than die in the past.

               Time to catch up with Superman-2, Dawnstar, Solovar, and Kamandi. Solovar perishes from a wound sustained rescuing Kamandi during the battle in the previous issue. Solovar too vanishes in a blast of light, presumably to die in Gorilla City. Kamandi seems really upset about this. And it feels really shippy. DC was a hot second away for some same-sex interspecies lovin’. They are tied with Harbinger and Psy-Pi for my OTP of the issue.

Shipper on deck. Sorry.  Not sorry.

               This is getting pretty long, so I’m going to shorthand this section. We now find ourselves in the late 1800s with Jonah Hex and characters I haven’t heard of. I might have heard of Johnny Thunder, but all I know is he’s a villain on Earth-1 and a hero on Earth-2, but I might have gotten that backwards. The other characters are cowboys Bat Lash and Nighthawk, and Native American Ke-Woh-No-Tay. They all converge at a golden spire. Ke-Woh-No-Tay, being the token Native American character is required by the rules of hack writing to show how in tune he is with nature, they all want to explore. Cyborg, Firebrand, Green Lantern, and Psimon appear. Shadow creatures appear. They attempt to ward them off. One *new* detail: Green Lantern’s ring isn’t working. Jinkies. The heroes fail again. 

And now we see the result of the compounded failures across the series thus far as the anti-matter field encroaches upon them seemingly at all time periods simultaneously. The anti-matter hits Nighthawk in the Old West and Psycho Kid in the Metropolis of the 30^th Century. So far, they are the only Earth-1/2 casualties, which I guess means they won’t be coming back when DC reboots at the end of the event.

Hope you saved your game before the boss battle, player 1.

               The Monitor realizes that instead of a matter of days, he has a matter of hours. He has to enact his final plan now. That’s when Harbinger finally unveils her betrayal, declaring, “Wrong old fool. It is time for you to die!”

Lyla's true power is dramatic  cliffhanger poses.

               Some cliffhanger, huh? So yeah, like I said at the top of the entry, everything that happens in this title can be gleaned from the front cover. The devil is really in the details. The one big surprise though, although not that big a detail if you read the previous couple of issues, is Harbinger’s betrayal. Although, I think it would have been more effective as a cliffhanger if the creative team hadn’t belabored the point that Harbinger is definitely evil now. If they’d made it more ambiguous instead, I think it would have been much more of a surprise. It’s symptomatic of something I’m starting to really pick up on about this book—a lack of subtlety.