This is a quick and painless entry. No frills, very short and to the point. Just me typing up my DC Universe Rebirth #1. When DC completely rebooted their continuity in 2011, it was a vexed endeavor. It was an event that was meant to reset continuity and create familiar, easily accessible entry points for new readers to jump on-board. However, in the process, it alienated the existing fanbase by its exclusion and/or erasure of characters, as well as important character arcs, backstories, and relationships that had become important to DC's various properties since whatever metric editor-in-chief Dan Didio used to determine what the classic version of the characters were. This metric was incredibly haphazard. For instance, in the pages of Green Arrow, Ollie and Dinah don't even know each other, but his ward had already been trained and was off on his own and running with a renegade group of anti-heroes at the start of the New 52 relaunch. Action Comics had a version of Superman starting off in Metropolis wearing a very plainclothes costume with a Superman tee (because those would exist in a pre-Superman world), who wasn't associated with The Daily Planet, had no romantic attachment to Lois and instead ends up with Wonder Woman. You know, classic Superman. Over in Justice League, one of its core founding members and the one most consistent overall members, Martian Manhunter, was excluded and his slot was filled by Cyborg, who was never a Teen Titans (a team whose New 52 continuity was a mess in its own right, but had been mostly addressed in Titans Hunt). Then there's the Batman family of titles. For the most part, the Batfamily's continuity remained intact, but where it erred, it did so in really upsetting ways. Near as I can tell, in one fell swoop it eliminated two female characters from the Batfamily, one of whom was Stephanie Brown, a fan favorite. This was done so that Barbara Gordon could be the classic Batgirl again. Of course, that meant removing Oracle, Barbara's then-current identity from existence and thus obviating DC's most prominent character with disabilities from their catalog of characters. It also greatly decreased Barbara's agency, considering how central Oracle became to the DC Universe.
These barely scratch the surface of all the confounding changes that the New 52. The most important for the purpose of this entry, however, is that Wally West has been absent. Oh, they attempted to introduce an incredibly different character as Wally West, whose characterization, aside from the name and becoming a speedster, doesn't resemble Wally at all. Naturally, fans were not amused.
And with that bit of background out of the way, I can begin my run-down.
Wally West is back. Yay!
In his Kid Flash costume. #YoungJusticeFeels!
It looks like Wally being stuck in the Speedforce is our framing device and the first stop is the Batcave. So far, so good.
All Wally needs is for one person to remember him. Or else, he's gonna die? This is gonna hurt, isn't it?
So, the Justice Society IS part of the main continuity, now? Okay, DC. Let's see how you feel about your multiverse next reboot.
Was the Legion of Superheroes not in the New 52 or did they just never interacted with the present timeline?
If we are in Wally's POV and he's being drawn to characters with whom he has a prior connection, why are we seeing Maggie Sawyer?
Superman's missing? He might be dead? Oh, no. I'm so invested in the apparent death of a character who is central to DC's line and we'll never see him again. I'll light a candle for him.
Ray Palmer is stuck in the Microverse. Did DC procure rights to the Micronauts?
I'm assuming every character I'm unfamiliar with in this series is previously established, since this event exists to fix the New 52's erasures.
The Blue Beetle's scarab is magic and not extra terrestrial tech again. Sure, why not?
A black, gay Aqualad? Ye gods, I can only imagine the complaints of pandering and/or tokenism on the message boards. Sigh...
I don't know who Pandora is, but she and Rachel Grey/Summers go to the same tattoo artist.
Wonder Woman has a twin brother? We're getting even further away from her original origin story and I'm okay with that.
Supergirl is right where I left her 18 issues into the New 52. Still wearing an awesome cape and a unitard with an S-shield guarding her vag.
Yes, it's okay to fix the Green Arrow/Black Canary relationship now that Worst Canary has been killed off on the live action show.
Pre-Flashpoint Lois and Clark are here. Plus a son. I guess you have to take the good with the meh, sometimes.
A guy in a cloak and carrying a scythe named The Grim Reaper Mr. Oz(?) tells Clark that he and his family are not what they think they are. Considering they know they're from another reality, you'd think they'd know Clark is Superman. Whoever made that arrangement lacks common sense.
Aquaman proposes to Mera. I did not realize they weren't already married in this timeline.
Linda doesn't recognize Wally. My soul is crushed.
Yeah, that put Wally in freefall. I'm glad they didn't do more than a couple panels of Vic and Dick not recognizing him is probably more than I could bare.
So, the elephant in the room is the other Wally West. At least they explain him away as Iris' nephew from another sibling and they were both named after the same ancestor. That sort of thing happens a lot in my family.
And yet it's still terrible. With both a Flash and a Kid Flash covered, all he cares about is no Linda. :(
And finally, we reach Barry Allen. Wally seems resigned to the fact that even Barry won't recognized him since his own personal lightening rod didn't, but wants to say his farewells anyway.
They took six pages between Wally appearing to Barry and the final payoff. And IT. WAS. WORTH. IT. The highlight of the issue thus far beyond the shadow of a doubt. If you aren't crying by the time Wally finishes his farewell speech, you certainly are once Barry pulls him out of the Speedforce and embraces him like a son. I'm glad they took their time and used compressed storytelling to it utmost in this sequence.
And they follow up that perfect moment by showing a montage of Barry's memories, rattling off info we already know. You tried, Rebirth #1...
Wally is suddenly forgetting part of his history now that he's out of the Speedforce and in reality. My guess is whatever is effecting the others is effecting him and his time as the Flash is still going to be extra-canonical for a while.
Wally is certain that Flashpoint wasn't Barry's fault. It seems more accurately like it was *clearly* his fault. It's the New 52 reality that isn't Barry's fault.
And Batman finds the Comedian's button lodged into the walls of the Batcave. Sigh... I feel a rant formulating, but for now suffice to say I am not down with the idea of the characters of Watchmen existing in the DCU, or at least as they were presented in The Watchmen graphic novel.
The issue ends on Mars, where a broken wristwatch begins levitating in mid-air. It is implied to be Wally's based on the inscription. The unseen force (cough cough Dr. Manhattan cough cough) disassembles and reassembles it, getting it working. We pan in on the clock until it turns into the clock image featured throughout The Watchmen.
Overall, despite my issues with the final moments of this issue, it's a great set-up. I do have issues when it deviates from Wally's POV, but that's minor. I'm wondering how well if at all The Watchmen will work in the DCU. They are so very much of a bleak crapsack universe and such an evocative, singular narrative that I wonder if the characters will feel diminished when inserted into the mainstream DCU. Dan and Laurie I could see being folded into continuity, albeit they'd get lost in the shuffle of DC's thousands of characters. Ozymandias, and Comedian, and Rorschach I honestly think would be more interesting as broken heroes gone villain. I know this book is highly suggesting that Dr. Manhattan caused the New 52 problems, and I'd buy it provided he's not an outright villain. I'd honestly be more interested to see him take on an Adam Warlock affect, where he's reached a plain of existence where human morality and concerns simply do not register compared to the greater workings of the universe, which he was very much split on in the graphic novel.
After the past two issues, I had almost grown complacent, hoping that Marv Wolfman and George Perez had reached a new plateau in their storytelling. Alas, though, this latest issue shows us that we may have perhaps been on a brief reprieve. Or was it? I think this issue manages to relapse into being all over the place, but it still manages to maintain a focus in a manner that really shifts the reader's vantage point in a way that hasn't been explored in the series up until now. While, this issue reverts to form by being all over the place in terms of action, locations, etc., one could argue that in terms of narrative and perspective, this is perhaps the most focused issue yet.
The cover of issue #9 of Crisis on Infinite Earths is basically a team shot, villains edition. They're in a big stampede, with Brainiac's skull ship dominating the background and Lex Luthor leading the charge in the foreground. I don't have all that much to say about it because... well, half these guys are either really unfamiliar to me or I simply don't recognize them in their current designs. And there are a lot of villains. Maybe too many. I get that the creative team wanted to convey just how much of an impressive team of baddies that has been mustered, but it looks like the attempt to squeeze in as many as possible made it look a little messy.
We open up on Oa, home of the Guardians of the Universe, aka the little blue space jerks that are best known for quibbling over parliamentary procedure and being the Green Lantern Corps' bosses. It's here that we also meet for the first time in this event the literally red-headed stepchild of the Green Lantern characters, Guy Gardner. Going into this series, I have something of a frame of reference for him. The first trade paperback I ever read was The Death of Superman, where he was a member in the included issues of Justice League America. Additionally, Geoff Johns included him in some of the GL stories of his I've read, including Green Lantern Rebirth. Most importantly, this:
In-universe, Guy is the Green Lantern everyone can agree on... not liking. He is to Hal Jordan and John Stewart what US Agent is compared to Captain America. Both are still heroic characters, but filtered through the zeitgeist of the Reagan era which accentuated some more negative traits that goes with it. Such as jingoism, American exceptionalism and toxic masculinity. But where the contrast between Captain America and US Agent created an interesting discourse on what it means to be a hero representating of a nation's idealism, Guy compared to the other GL's more or less comes off as a bit of a jerkass and a cocky hothead. Although, I have a thing for jerkass heroes, as they tend to get a lot of the best lines (see also: Damian Wayne, Emma Frost, Namor).
Guy Gardner: Most Stylish GL.
It seems the Guardians, having previously offered Guy a position with the Corps are doing so again specifically to help deal with the events of Crisis. Guy declares that he always wanted the ring and confidently declares that no evil will escape his sight, as is the wont of any self-respecting corps member. It makes me wonder what has happened to John Stewart to necessitate giving Guy a ring (John's ring?) Sometimes it's easy to forget since I'm reading this series on its own 30 years out from its publication that it was still running concurrently to DC's regular ongoing titles.
So much for new hire orientation...
It's interesting to note that while John was basically wearing the same suit that Hal wore, Guy has a bit more flare. He's wearing a black-gray unitard with a thick turtleneck collar, chunky boots, gloves, and belt all three of which are accented by what look like either buckles or pouches (excessive buckles and pouches are to the late 80s/90s what needless piping is to today's design issues), and the bringing the look together is an emerald green sleeveless double-breasted bomber jacket with a GL emblem in the center. I won't lie, I like the jacket, but the other touches seem a little pointless. The suit is just a construct of the GL ring. Why are there so many buckles in a suit that doesn't actually require closures? The form isn't following the function when a function is non-existent. Also, a turtleneck? Seriously? Did he just happen to leave directly from a coffee house poetry reading? But this is fine. Silly, but fine. We are definitely moving closer to the ridiculous redesigns we'll see in the 90's but we aren't quite at ninjas wearing cyber battle armor quite yet..
How do we know Ganthet
didn't arrange their deaths
to do away with
pointless bureaucracy?
Guy's hasn't been inducted for a whole minute when a blast of energy coming from the darkness beyond Oa hits the planet with pinpoint accuracy, turning GL headquarters to rubble and dust. Guy, having survived his first full minute in the corps, is shocked to find that the Guardians are dead, having believed them immortal. One managed to survive, he goes unnamed, but due to his prominence in GL lore, I'd say he's probably Ganthet. He basically says, and I'm paraphrasing, "yes we're immortal, so any force that can kill all but one of us is a nigh-insurmountable force to be reckoned with. Enjoy your first (suicide) mission.
It's a redux of the cover.
I'd argue that the issue gets a little sloppy whenever this issue turns to the united league of villains, and you can pretty much take it as read at this point that the creative team is plowing through important plot points in order to position the greater DCU into where it needs to be for the sake of the event. However, because of this, it's also where the issue gets a little madcap, which is always fun. We find ourselves inside Brainiac's bigheadship, where T.O. Morrow is the last person to arrive at the party, having been teleported from the Watchtower and the entire guest list consists of villains. All the villains. All of them.
Running the background of the major events of the previous three issues, we've been seeing all these less-than-morally upright characters vanish into thin air, but the demands of a world ending crisis event has kept the heroes from pursuing or sometimes even noticing the disappearances. Finally, we get to see the fruits of this slow-burn of a plot point. They have all been assembled by Brainiac and Lex Luthor with the sole goal of, what else, taking over the world! All five of them!
On a sidenote, it's quite honestly equal parts baffling and amusing to see a version of Lex whose business cards clearly lead with "supervillain/mad scientist" in big bold letters and wears green and purple power armor complete with an ornate Egptian-style skirt. I think his post-Crisis reinvention by John Byrne crystalized him as a savvy legitimate corporate businessman (and later politician) who pull the strings at a distance and never gets his hands dirty. Pre-crisis Lex might as well be disco dancing in a rhinestone studded leisure suit for how charmingly retro he feels.
Alexie Luthor is about to get ejected from...
... The No Homers Club
When the Lex of Earth-2, who still has his hair but none of his sartorial flair questions who put Earth-1 Lex in charge, claiming he could out-science him and they don't need him, Brainiac concludes that he makes a logical argument that they don't need two Lex Luthors. It does not end well for red head Lex. On the one hand, it's an effective way to get everyone on-board, but on the other hand, destroying members of your talent pool just to make an example of him is just going to end up causing friction that will end up biting them in the ass. The last remaining Lex begins to dish out the plan as we cut to a different space-faring vessel...
A Tamaranian space Captain Karras and first mate/yeoman/possible sexual partner, Taryia are prepping for Koriand'r, aka Starfire, and two of her teammates from the Teen Titans to be beamed aboard. From what I can tell, from reading the first 9 or 10 issues of New Teen Titans, Tamaranians are the Deltans from Star Trek The Motion Picture spliced with Flash Gordon design aesthetics and given a fire/solar power gimmick. What that basically means is that they are sensual, relatively lack boundary issues, wear wacky space opera apparel, and can shoot energy beams... or at least Starfire can because she was experimented on.
Oh, right, that's probably important. Starfire was the princess of her people but was basically sold into slavery to spare her people from the terrors of a superior conquering force, who proceeded to make a test subject out of her, and I think heavily implied to have used her for sex, so I can't see a reunion with her people, who allowed those kind of violations as yielding a lot of fond memories. The captain and his buxom lieutenant hint at some very important responsibility that Kory will have when they arrive at their homeworld, but just leave that hanging for the time being.
Yeah, I looked these two up--
they're totally doing it off-panel.
In short order, Starfire, along with her teammates, Nightwing and Jericho. It's funny that the Tamaranians are very much cosplaying Flash Gordon but playing with Star Trek toys because that teleporter effect? Yeah, that borders on copyright infringement, complete with the rounded appearance of a Starfleet teleporter pad and kirby dots taking the place of the crystaline effect of Trek's transporters. I bet the longer you hang with the Tamaranians, the more you'll come to realize that they really are just a jumble of homages to other space-faring sci-fi properties.
It would be shameful of me not to point out that Nightwing is in his infamous first costume after changing superhero personas, which despite first appearing in the mid-80's is spectacularly disco. Not many men can pull off a deep V-neck AND the arch cowl from a Bela Lugosi Dracula cape, but Dick Grayson found a way. Although, with an ass like his, you can get away with a lot worse. I'm not quite as familiar with Jericho, but basically, he's the son of the probably New Teen Titan's most famous antagonist/uneasy ally/frenemy, Deathstroke the Terminator. He's mute (I think his throat was slashed during his childhood, which was probably pretty rough based on his pedigree), has possession and/or astral projection powers, can really pull of a killer mutton chops/jewfro combo, and dresses like he LARPs as a cleric. Oh, and I'm fairly certain his character met with both figurative and literal character assassination in the 90s because the 90s are why we can't have nice things.
Maybe it's not that she's open,
but that Dick was raised by Bruce Wayne.
Kory seems quite thrilled to be going home to the planet and family that sold her into human bondage with implied sexual implications and happily introduces Nightwing to the captain, whom I am guessing she just met, as her lover. Dick is taken aback, having forgotten how open and expressive Tamaranians are about intimate matters. It's adorably awkward. Also, I suppose it makes sense that he'd forget about that fact, since no doubt Kory has adapted to how she interacts with humans in the five years since she debuted, but can easily slip back into her instinctive manner of behavior when among her own people.
In hushed tones, but still heard by Jericho (does muteness give you superhearing a la Daredevil?) Taryia tells Arras that Kory must know, if she plans on taking her lover along. Because taking her platonic friend along apparently doesn't mandate transparency. Poor Jericho. The third wheel isn't even worth acknowledging, let alone factoring into making considerations.
Meanwhile, back on terra firma, Cyborg and Firehawk, fresh off the exploding Red Tornado debacle, are flying/leaping across Manhattan until the finally meet up with the rest of the Teen Titans, Wonder Girl, Kole, Changeling on a rooftop. Their conversation as they make their approach belies the fact that the provisional stability the five Earths have are not without their problems, as part of NYC seems to be in more flux than usual. There is a part of the city being referred to as the "Warp Zone," as 1984 was a hot minute before Nintendo permanently added the term to our collective subconscious.
Will there also be maps to the dinosaurs' homes?
On Earth-1, however, the Warp Zone is a place where the timey wimey stuff from earlier in the event is still happening. Dinosaurs and Zeppelins roam the land in this area where time is in flux, as we are informed amusingly in a page full of DC's science luminaries being interviewed with questions by DC's reporters. Surprisingly enough, the two most interesting interactions are from an evil pr reporter a good guy, whom we haven't seen the last of this issue. They both ask questions that in one way or another shows that maybe their head isn't in a place of well-balanced journalism. Jack Ryder's asking how a time anomaly will effect the crime element is a bit baffling, but Bethany Snow asks a a roboticist about the anomaly, a field that is outside his purview, and then getting smug about his inability to field her question. Yeah, that's one way to gain the trust of the viewing public. Guess which one is the bad guy.
Journalism at its finest.
In the grand scheme of this event, that's probably small potatoes, but since the New Teen Titans collectively are the protagonist on this issues B plot (note how little time I've thus far devoted to the main plot), we are concerned by Wonder Girl's husband being somewhere in the newly minted Anachronism District.
Consider your choices, 'Hawk...
Firehawk convinces Wonder Girl to let her keep her company in the search for her husband, Terry. Gar hits on Firehawk as they fly off. The two bond over the fact that Changeling and Firestorm are girl crazy. Even though Firehawk admits that on Firestorm, it works for her. Different strokes, as they say... Although, I really wish the caption as they fly off didn't tell the reader to follow their story in the next issue of Firestorm, I wish they'd accidentally ended up going to Earth-7642 (the DC/Marvel crossover Earth) and made friends with the Danielle Moonstar of this era, because Sunspot was similarly awful/wonderful in his youth. Although, bare in mind Changeling and Sunspot are still young enough in this era that you can chock it up to immaturity. Firestorm is a college student in this era. And a college student in 1984-- an actual adult. Ergo, I maintain that Firestorm is the worst.
Meanwhile, Clark Kent is reporting the news... and it's only now that I realize just how weird it is that Clark and Lois are tv reporters instead of print journalists in this era. I understand DC's efforts to keep their characters relevant to the times. It actually made a lot of sense, for instance, when the Clark of the New 52 was writing for an online news outlet. But seeing Clark behind a news desk is just a little unexpected. The whole thing about Clark, at least when he's in Metropolis, or Gotham, or pretty much anywhere besides Smallville, is that he goes out of his way to effect an unassuming demeanor. In fact he'd probably want to keep out of the direct spotlight, lest his face as a news caster and his face as the prominently featured news story both appear often enough that viewers start putting two and two together.
Probably neighbors with that Charlie Brown kid.
Now that I've tangented, time to start another tangent. Clark is finishing up a broadcast, telling viewers that Alexander Luthor will be meeting with the UN that afternoon. Meanwhile, his co-workers discuss how cold his delivery is and how he's been like this since Supergirl's death. Then, perplexingly, we cut to a panel of what looks like someone from whatever reality the Family Circus characters live in watching the end of Clark's broadcast. There is seriously nothing about this little boy's appearance or the pictures on his desk that suggest that he exists in the same shared multiverse. I'm not joking when I say he looks like a Sunday newspaper humor strip. I did some digging and found out that, no, this character is neither a pre-crisis DC character or one who will be folded into Post-Crisis DC. However, he was created by DC back in the days before the concept of shared universes was even a glimmer in Lee and Kirby's minds. His name is Bernie the Brain, a featured character in the book Sugar and Spike (the titular characters appear in the framed photographs, in exactly the position they'd appear above the title of their book. They were characters created by Sheldon Mayer, one of the earliest creators and editors of All-American Comics, which later became the company we now know as DC Comics.
The book briefly reaches into the past of Earth-1, where we catch back up with the characters from Haunted Tank and Our World At War in time for them the witness of wave of fushia energy. It's gone before they have the time to figure out what is going on. But the reader gets to see just a taste of what to come, as the same wave seems to be traveling further into the past. And the narration hints that it is a past that is ready to be changed. I'm not sure if this is phase umpteen of Anti-Monitor's evil plot or the actual fabric of DC's multiverse trying to knit itself back together into a cohesive hole, but either way it's sufficiently ominous.
Now, before we go further, I feel it's important to state that this point is the dime upon which this issue is going to radically turn. It is suddenly going to have a lot of momentum propelling it forward with a lot of smaller but interesting sub-plots to... just silliness. But I am worried I'll have less to say because the book becomes both cameo porn and very punchy punchy. I'm always going to be more about character building and plot progression than action. Sorry. There's less meat on the bone, but there is still some interesting stuff and I'll try to be fair to it.
As if we haven't already seen a horde of villians earlier...
For the first time in a few issues, we turn our attention to the three last minute sidequests Earths. Not only have we given them much thought, it turns out the hero community at-large hasn't either. After the mission into the Evil Anti-Matter Universe, it seems like all of The heroes from Earth-4, Earth-X, and Earth-S migrated to Earth-1, leaving their own worlds defenseless. As the old saying goes, "with great power comes... Eh fuck it, let's go hang out at the cool kids' house." And finally, we return to this issue's selling point. VILLAINS ATTACK!!!
And honestly, it's the part of the issue that I probably have the least to talk about, which is really disappointing, considering how long this subplot has gradually been coming together and how much the cover attempts to sell it. For now, all our baddies are only seen in shadow as we watch civilians being rounded up and a couple panels of the few remaining heroes of the 3 sidequest Earths possibly knocked out, but more likely totally deadskies. I am utterly incapable of ID'ing either of the fallen heroes, but I'm guessing as we get closer to the end of this maxi series, they are merely the first trickle in a flood of C-Lister deaths.
Meanwhile, in the UN, Pariah fails at adhering to dress codes. While addressing a cross-dimensional session of the UN, Pariah is still dressed like he's cosplaying as a sorcerer's apprentice, meanwhile Alexander Luthor is I a three-piece suit and Lyla is in a puffy fushia blouse with her hair in a bun. Did Pariah, just not get the memo about attire or is he stuck in what he was wearing when he broke the multiverse for the rest of his existence?
The three of them a calmly, evenly attempting to keep the leaders of 5 worlds apprised of the current status quo of the story and it's honestly refreshing to see Pariah demonstrating a relaxed demeanor. But that can't last, can it?
While they are having this conference, Wonder Woman, in her Diana Prince persona, and Lady Quark, wearing a trench coat over the costume she was wearing when she arrived, are watching the proceedings on a display in the window of an electronics store. I can only assume that the reason the sole survivor of her dimension and an actual ambassador aren't in the UN assembly hall is because it would have been gauche for them to hold a private conversation in person.
A grudge for the ages... until the event resets continuity.
This is the second time on the same page that we have a character who has been trapped on Earth-1 for weeks, if not a couple months, and yet is still wearing the attire she arrived in. Unlike with Pariah, I can see no reason why she can't change her clothes, which makes me think it's either a) it's a containment suit for her powers, b) the denizens of Earth-6 are allergic to Earth-1's textiles, or c) it's the only thing she has left of the world she knew and can't bare to take it off.
The two discuss Lady Quark's vengeful feelings toward Pariah, for his indirectly causing the destruction of her world when he awoke the Anti-Monitor. Diana argues that she can't hold it against him forever, as it was an accident. Lady Quark concedes that someday she may forgive, but will never forget. I'd really be interested to follow her through her appearances post-Crisis because she is filled with justifiable anger, and yet is conflicted, and suffering an incredible loss.
Considering from what I understand, the Post-Crisis DCU exists as though it had always been that way, I wonder how the incorporate her backstory. Though, to be fair, as far as my research could turn up, she Lord Volt, Princess Fern, and the denizens of Earth-6 were created specifically for Crisis, so at least fans at the time hadn't had time to really emotionally commit to those characters. Wow. her whole planet existed just to die. Imagine a whole planet of Uncle Bens and Thomas & Martha Waynes just walking around, giving speeches about great responsibility and wearing pearls just in case their tragic deaths should come at any moment.
Good ol' Pariah...
Back at the UN, the questions delivered to the Crisis trio start to get a bit more pointed. Coincidentally, Pariah returns to form, has a bit of a freak out, and vanishes, declaring that the danger has not ended. I can't help but notice this just happens to occur when he's posed with questions about international/dimensional diplomacy that he can't answer and that shine a huge freaking spotlight at his terrible accountability track record.
Not to worry, though. Pariah's presence is soon after replaced with the gigantic floating head of Brainiac holographically being projected into the UN assembly hall. I'm sorry, but this is a just hilariously perfect instance of text book supervillainy. I look at this scene and I can't help but think of the giant statue head of Thetis (Maggie Smith) in Clash of the Titans (the real one from 1981), crashing to the floor of the temple and declaring her demands for a virgin sacrifice. He gets the leader of Earth-1 caught up on what we already know-- that Earths-4, X, and S have been conquered by the Villainous People's Front. Or the People's Front of Villainy. Or possibly the Villainous Popular People's Front.
Brainiac leaves it to Lex Luthor to explain their demands. Luthor materializes (or is projected into) in the chamber, causing Alexander to be surprised that Lex Luthor looks so much like his father. Nine issues in and Alexander needs the concept of alternate realities explained to him. Hoo boy. Lex says that since five is a much better number than three, he demands that Earths-1 and 2 surrender to them or they will destroy the Earths that they do have. And I cannot help but think this is such an unadorned bluff. If Earths-1 and 2 refuse, and they make good on their threats, they'll have no Earths under their control. Ye gods, this is so transparently dumb silver age logic. Of course, the five Earths being linked, them destroying the Earths they have will destroy all of them. Again, another flaw in the plan-- if all the Earths are destroyed-- where are you guys going to keep all your stuff? This is an incredibly dumb plan of last resort that the villains are treating like a master stroke. Lex, the supposed genius gives them fifteen minutes to come to a conclusion. Fifteen minutes for the united governments of two different Earths to make up their minds about the fate of the multiverse, whereas today, it apparently takes the US government of only one Earth weeks and weeks just to come to a consensus of who can use which bathroom. Let's hope 1984 wasn't an election year in the DCU.
This sort of victim blaming sounds like it would actually fly in today's culture.
Having heard this, Clark Kent finds somewhere private and busts open his shirt for the classic S shield reveal, then flies off declaring "this is a job for Superman!" I think this might be one of the last times that expression can be used without being twinged with irony because I feel like the DCU that we find after Crisis, is far more emotionally grounded. It's funny to note that he has on a Legion ring. Was this his from when he was Superboy (yeah, pre-Crisis, Superboy was just younger Superman and not a discrete character unto himself) or is he wearing Supergirl's as a remembrance?
The Creeper. Yeah, I don't get it, either...
Next, we cut to one of the reporters we saw earlier, Jack Ryder, transforms into honestly the oddest DC Hero I've come across in a while: The looks like the love child of the Joker and Kraven the Hunter. Based on what I learned from my reliable source, Dr. Internet, I get the impression that Creeper is a character that has been around for ages and writers will periodically keep trying to make him work, but he never seems to stick around for long.
Meanwhile, in 1917, an aviator notices that pink field in the sky from earlier. Just in case you were forgetting that particular plot point...
Back in the present, the heroes of Earths-1 and 2 attempt to break through a barrier that the villains have put up around Earth-4 while Alexander Luthor continues to argue with a UN delegate.
Wally's private time.
Then we cut to the idyllic little hamlet of Blue Valley, where Wally West, currently Kid Flash, hereafter known as Best Flash, is laying in bed in his boxer shorts reading a letter and eating an apple, where he is recruited by Jay Garrick, and Lyla. Because nobody believes in knocking the door. Being a teenage boy in his undies, Jay and Lyla should be relieved that he has an apple in his hand and not something else.
Lyla and Jay don't even knock.
And-- oh, my stars and garters. This is the first time we're seeing Lyla's complete new ensemble and I just want to know who she's taking to prom. I'm fairly certain I've seen this get-up during a screening of Teen Witch (kids, ask your parents about that seminal 80s classic). Lyla mentions that the Monitor's notes said Wally had a problem and a certain knowledge that they need. Jay Garrick says with Barry Allen being MIA, Wally's on deck and offers Wally his old ring. Do the Titans use rings too or is this his Flash-brand costume ring?
Jay proposes to Wally and a thousand shippers cry out in unison...
Wally is game, and one transition later, he and Jay are prepping a cosmic treadmill (just... just go with it), which will let an assembled army of heroes cross to the captured Earths. A page worth of cameo padding later, the two speedsters put their pedals to the metal and open up a rift which takes forever because this book is dedicated to the noble art of watching characters watching other characters doing shit.
From here on, the comic, is just a protracted fight scene and some more C-List fodder the most notable I can recall is Tula, aka Aquagirl. Earth-4 seems to have the most generic subjugation, although Chemo has poisoned the oceans. Earth-S has been turned into a frozen wasteland. Over on Earth-X, Poison Ivy (who either looks bland in general or bland when not a redhead) has initiated a floral apocalypse.
Oh, no. Not.. whatshername...?!
Firestorm's gonna get it.
Of course the villains get various moments to shine. the Joker taunts the Freedom Fighters now trapped in Ivy's vines, and the fact that Uncle Sam starts of his retort with the word "sonny," really just cements how dedicatedly folksy/charming he is. Meanwhile, on Hoth Earth-S, Killer Frost tells her other weather and ice-themed brethren that they cannot underestimate the forces that the heroes can marshal. And believe you me, I am waiting for Firestorm to get his comeuppance after going along with Frostie's mind rape and manipulation... and being a creep about it, too.
What is more interesting than the fighting itself is the narration, which is actually a conversation between Brainiac and Luthor, who are such chessmasters in this issue. All the other villains they've assembled are expendable pawns. Not just expendable, they expressly intend for both the rest of the villains and the heroes to either kill one another or burn each other out, making them easier to subjugate when Brainiac and Luthor will swoop in and win the day for themselves alone. Better the heroes take out some of the more deadly of their allies than have to do it themselves. Ye gods, the secret evil plan, is so much cleverer than the publicly announced plan.
Did you try shutting it down and
turning it back on?
Luthor notices that he's been monologuing for a while and he turns to Brainiac to see why he's so quiet. The machine man is very still but then starts sputtering red hot energy and kirby dots and explodes. In the wake of the explosion, Luthor is knocked to the floor. He looks around to find the big, glass-domed head of Psimon gloating over his cleverness and suspicious nature. And looking particularly declaring that "Psimon says Luthor must die as well!" Yeah, considering my first toe in the DC waters after over a decade of being a Marvel purist was the Young Justice cartoon series, I really appreciate Psimon getting really creepy and calculating villain moments. Apart from the body horror that is the upper half of his skull, there is something horrifying about the whites of his eyes being blackened and his pupils glowing while as he stares down arguably the kingpin of DC's pantheon of villains after having just blown Luthor's only recognized equal to smithereens. Surprisingly enough, I think this is only the second time the issue hasn't ended with a big reveal splash page. Although, whereas with the final page of Supergirl's funeral, I kind of feel the team wanted to capture every moment of Superman laying his cousin to rest, in this moment, I just feel like they were rushed, less emotionally invested in this leg of the narrative, and honestly just wanted to get it over with.
Psimon:
B for villainy, A+ for villain speechifying.
It is a flashbang, both literally and figuratively for the issue's A-plot, but overall, the villains' story in this issue is not worth the slow burn of a build up it has received over the previous few issues. I imagine for someone who was reading at the time, seeing all the villians of the era was satisfying, but so many of the villains either aren't prominent enough for me to be all that familiar, did not make it it into the Post-Crisis DCU, or do not resemble the iterations with whom I'm familiar. They clutter up the page. It's not the only clutter. I honestly feel that there was very little story to the A-plot of this issue, so we are forever being distracted from the thrust of the story to see panel after panel of various characters' reactions to the main action. I'm sure for many people, part of the fun of crossover events, and to be fair, this was the first (or one of the earliest) such event of its kind, so the art of juggling such a huge number of characters wasn't quite there yet. For me, though, I need narrative flow. I would much rather see what we saw in issues #7 and #8, where we shift between a mere handful of POV characters between a distinctive A-plot and B-plot.
Speaking of the B-plot, and I fully admit that I'm being overly generous with that description, it's very much just a cobbling together of enough disparate characters' plotlines to give them a semblance of an emotional story to tell. Did we need to visit with Firehawk and the Teen Titans? Honestly, no. Did I enjoy their scene? Damn skippy. They wouldn't even be worth writing about except they manage to engage the reader, which is more than I can say for the villains. It feels like conflict by numbers, and a particularly silly one at that, since the villains-- even Brainiac and Luthor-- really ought to be pragmatists motivated by self-interest and the last thing they should be doing on the brink of armageddon is forcing a conflict against the people who thus far have been the ones keeping the entirety of existence from being wiped out. It makes so little sense to me that I'm honestly questioning whether this entire issue was cooked up mid-way through production simply to fit the planned 12-issue format without truly thinking it all the way through.
Okay, Crisis has me wiped out and I am in need of a break. Next week, I'm going to something much more of a one and done and with less thought involved. Maybe something cinematic. Some film I can dig my nuclear talons into and really rip apart... Care to join me in that particular quest for peace, gentle readers?
The
cover of issue #4 promises us two things: the end of the world and the death of
the Monitor. However, we are now only 1/3 of the way into a 12 issue series, so
let’s just wait and see if the creators deliver on either of these promises.
The image is an arch overhead image of the Monitor, laying down having been
assaulted with energy blasts. Harbinger stands over him with her hands haloed
in Kirby crackle. Opposite her, Pariah cowers on the floor. At this point, we
can take it as read that I’ve made a crack about him being maudlin,
ineffectual, or both.
We start off with Supergirl flying
high above presumably Gotham City, as she is coming to check in on Batgirl, who
called her out of the blue in a panic. At first I thought that the series must
have changed art teams mid-stream, but no, Perez just draws a damn good
Supergirl. Batgirl, too, for that matter. I’m not sure if he’s been doing this
all throughout the series and I just haven’t noticed but he’s really good at
expressive close-ups. There has been such an overabundance of group scenes and
action scenes that he really hasn’t had a chance to show his talent with faces.
Medium shots are decent, too, but I think he flounders a bit with wide shots. Although,
he’s getting demerits for that silly jazzercise headband Supergirl is wearing.
An honest to goodness quiet moment between two characters. This series was in need of space to breathe.
At this point, it seems like the
denizens of Earth accept that the end of the world is a foregone conclusion.
Batgirl despairs, while Supergirl seems to be committed to doing what good she
can as long as she can. Supergirl’s telescopic vision spots a small airplane
coming apart in mid-air and rushes headlong to rescue it’s pilot. Batgirl
watches on with her binoculars (I presume they’re called “bat-noculars”),
admiring her bestie for her dedication, calling her a hero through and through.
But this only increases her self pity.
Constantine's buddy (lover?) really is sitting comfortably
Elsewhere John Constantine and his
super-rich sugar daddy friend, Stephen Dayton drink and contemplate the
fate of the world from inside the parlor of Dayton’s posh estate. Dayton looks
pretty haggard and is drinking away what might be his final hours, but
Constantine is pretty certain of their fate (and for some reason, also Swamp
Thing’s) and doubts that the world is doomed.
Oh no... the plot is back!
After these two scenes of quiet
reflection, we are jarringly returned back to the main plot by way of Pariah’s
“oh” face. Another day, another doomed Earth. Again, why is he always so
shocked? He should be desensitized to it by now. This Earth is apparently
unique, as there are absolutely no counterparts of established characters on this.
In fact, it only has had twelve heroes, though only three remain: this Earth’s
king, Lord Karak Volt, who is possessed of electrical powers and a Flash Gordon villain-esque
costume, his wife Lady Quark, who has nuclear powers and an amazing bodysuit—she
looks like Gozer from Ghostbusters—and their daughter Liana, an elemental who
reminds me of Wily-Kit from ThunderCats. Pariah tries to reason with the royal couple, but they are much
more smashy than they are talky. It takes their daughter falling prey to the
anti-matter cloud for them to turn their attention away from Pariah. Lord Volt,
too is consumed by the anti-matter. This world is screwed, apparently, but
Pariah soothes his guilt by taking Lady Quark with him as he teleports away,
making Lady Quark the sole survivor of her world.
Oblivion or Pariah? Tough choices
So apparently, Harbinger was not in
the room with the Monitor when she declared that he shall die, for it would
appear that he is finally getting around to making his new Dr. Light… In a
Japanese science lab, Dr. Kimiyo Hoshi is all kinds of wonderful. She’s a bitch
on wheels and suffers no fools. While all her male counterparts, including her
own father, are cowering over the impending apocalypse, she’s all like, “fuck
that noise—let’s do science.” I want to be her BFF.
My new favorite DC character.
"Screw all these weak-willed men. I have to do science!"
Suddenly a blast of white
energy shoots down on the lab, hitting Dr. Hoshi’s exact location, teleporting
her away and destroying the lab in the process. It leaves her co-workers even
more scared than they were a moment ago, especially her father, who declares that
wherever and whatever has become of her, he still loves her.
Cutting back to the Monitor’s space
station, we shift perspective from the Monitor, to Harbinger, to Alexander
Luthor in quick succession. Monitor, watching Dr. Hoshi’s father on a view
screen, confirm that she will amaze her father after she is recreated—pretty
much confirming that she is going to be the new Dr. Light that Monitor has been
teasing for a while now. Harbinger talks about being controlled and feeling
hate towards the Monitor, and compulsion to kill him. I wonder if this place
has bad acoustics. It looks like the whole facility is metallic, so sound
should carry, but she is being the opposite of discreet for someone who means
to keep her intentions a secret. Maybe she should be thinking instead of saying
this. Meanwhile, Alexander, exhibiting either clairvoyance, pre-cognition, or
telepathy, is basically a one-boy Greek chorus, lamenting Harbinger’s task and
also revealing that not only does her killing the Monitor serve his overall
agenda, but it is part of her destiny.
Nothing says "big bad" quite like verbally smacking around your lackeys.
Our villain still thinks he’s Dr.
Claw. He reminds us how much he hates the sound of Psycho-Pirate’s voice and
that he has promised Psy-Pi all the emotions of the new world he has planned.
Then he abducts the Red Tornado, who was in the middle of a mid-apocalyptic
crowd rescue mission. He doesn’t tell us why exactly, but we do know that RT is
integral to his plans. Psy-Pi cracks wise about Red Tornado being an artificial
life form, and our Dr. Claw threatens to replace him with another empath, if he
doesn’t shut up. When RT asks if he’s
the one responsible for the current status quo, all we get is some “ominous,
ominous, ominous.”
On Earth-2, Firestorm and Killer
Frost arrive at a golden protect quest tower that looms over a castle in
medieval times. Firestorm is still being horrible about Killer Frost being in
love with him. I’m sorry. I know he mentions that there would be serious
repercussions if she were to kiss him. However. He was complicit in her
emotional manipulation— that’s a huge violation. I don’t know which is worse,
the fact that this essentially robs her of her agency, by preventing her from
acting and making decisions in her normal state of mind or the fact that this
can be interpreted as rape. At least his
jerky behavior is confined to thought balloons this time.
Firestorm = the worst
Vandal Savage, aka Immortal Villain
Guy, watches from the castle, making really no contribution to the plot, but
that seems to be par for the course in this issue. So many wasted cameos in
this issue…
Firestorm and Killer Frost meet up
with Shining Knight. I have to say Shining Knight is on the one hand, one of
many characters I’m familiar with on account of the DCAU, but one the other
hand, he’s one of those rare characters whose design I felt wasn’t suited to
the DCAU’s stylization. He looks so much better on the page. You can tell he’s
wearing golden chainmail. You can see the shining sheen of his helmet. He
really does look like his bright namesake.
Unfortunately, that brightness
doesn’t carry over into his intellect. He confuses them for evil wizards
despite Firestorm’s friendly greeting and attacks them. Either they’ve arrived
too early in Shining Knight’s personal timeline or the two characters never met
one another on Earth-2. Regardless, shadow creatures attack again and SK
figures out who their foe is and they team up.
Firestorm comments on how flimsy these towers are because they conform
to video game protect quest logic. They think they’ve won the day when SK
throws his sword, which I presume is magical, at them.
Voltron, Megazord, or kaiju... all jokes lead to Japan
That hope is quickly dashed however
when the shadow creatures Voltron themselves into one cyclopean monster. It
apparently exists in tandem across time and space, appearing at the sites of
the four other golden towers which we’ve seen already. All of Monitor’s
preliminary champions watch from their respective times and location, unable to
stop the massive shadow creature.
I don't know who she is, but she couldn't have
committed a crime deserving of that costume.
Then we cut back to the present of
Earth-1, where Batman, Superman, the Teen Titans, and Outsiders are still
assembled, presumably only minutes or so from when we saw them last issue. A sixth
golden tower has appeared and the flyers of the assembled teams fly forth to
investigate, no doubt using Superman’s approach from issue #1: punching! Dr.
Hoshi appears flying high hear the tower’s apex dressed as the new Dr. Light.
She attempts to repel the heroes using her distinct charms.
The New Dr. Light's primary battle tactic is shouting
Unfortunately,
because of language barriers, the only person among the flyers is Superman who
is still a ways away but has Kryptonian hearing, who tells them that she’s
protecting it. Of course, considering the fact that a) this tower doesn’t seem
like a good thing, b) she’s dressed up
like a well-known villain, and c) caring fuck all for niceties seems to defy
language barriers, it probably isn’t putting her best foot forward in the
superhero world when she blasts them away, sending Starfire and Halo(?)
reeling.
In the future, she'd incorporate a "rising sun"
into her mask to avoid this confusion.
On the ground, Katana tells
them Dr. Light is not their enemy, and in the process pretty much accidentally
designates herself as Dr. Light’s translator, despite the fact that Superman
can both speak Japanese and fly. So let’s hope Dr. Light doesn’t have anything
else important to tell us in mid-air. Up in the sky, however, as Superman
arrives at the tower, changeling who carries the frazzled Halo in the form of
an eagle, still think Dr. Light is up to no good, so clearly we don’t have
communicators, let alone a telepath. Dr. Light finally gets some alone time
with Superman, aka everyone’s reasonable dad (as opposed to Batman who is
everyone’s batshit insane, reckless child endangerment, “prepper” dad), she
conveys to him that the fate of the universe might hinge on her ability to
guard the tower. Superman trusts her and says he’ll do whatever it takes to
help her.
She suffers the burden of being the smartest person in the room at all times.
We have a half-page-long interlude
on Paradise Island. Wonder Woman had returned to her home hoping to muster up a
fighting force (because we’ve established that’s how superheroes fight
annihilation—punching! Unfortunately, the island full of Amazon warriors are
praying in the face of the end of the world. It pretty much sidelines the third member of DC's golden trio for the duration of this event, or at least this leg of it. Just call her "Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Event."
I'm digging the symmetry and giving another long speech some visual interest or having each different battle need it's own scene. It's both pretty and efficient.
Meanwhile, in space, the Monitor is
busy reminding us how integral he, Harbinger, Alexander Luthor, and Pariah are
to the plot. Speak of the emo devil, Pariah appears and the two of them discuss
the circumstances. Monitor explains how Pariah’s perpetual “drawn to doom”
existence, but doesn’t give too much detail. Instead, he tells us how the fates
of Earth-1 and Earth-2 are linked and his machines are bringing the two earths
together for his final endgame.
Okay... why exactly? Other than they're
where all your books are set?
He explains how this is tied into the “Book of
Revelations” style natural disasters, but it’s a little unclear whether the
weather is the result of the end of the universes or the unfortunate side
effect of his machines. All this explanation is intercut with the heroes
failing to stop the forces of the villain. He almost gets around to going into
the details of his final plan when Harbinger appears. Monitor is resigned to
his fate, and calls her Lyla as he tells her to do what she needs to. Harbinger
yells at him for calling her Lyla as she vacillates between her evil persona
and the dutiful daughter. I have a theory that Harbinger was supposed to be her
evil dissociative identity, but the creative team got their notes mixed up
because Harbinger only succumbs to darkness towards the end of issue #1. It
feels a little messy. Anyway, torn between her faltering Lyla persona and the
raging Harbinger, she shoots him with a bolt of energy.
"If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
The next thing Pariah
knows, Harbinger is gone and Monitor is dead. All he can do now is, you guessed
it, impotently bemoan his fate. He and the heroes across two universes and
multiple time periods are left to gasp in terror as the universe fades to
white.
