Old Man Kent and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Five panels do not equal one cover.

Oddly enough, last week centered around an issue in which an older male character who derailed the narrative flow of the story because he was a square peg forcibly being hammered into a round hole of a story and has a tendency to suck all the air out of the room, so he's constantly pulling focus. This week however, we have an older male character who can literally suck all the air out of the room who wakes up and discovers that he has become a square peg in a round hole and manages to bring true, sorrowful pathos into a series where they just beat a Mega Man boss fight. Join me as I explore DC Comics' Crisis on Infinite Earths #11.

Normally, I would start off giving my opinion of the cover. However, I really don't know how to discuss a cover that doesn't bother to do what a cover is meant to accomplish. Namely, a cover is meant to create a singular unified image that lures in the reader by hinting at what the story inside will be like. In issue #11, however, the cover is a bunch of panels. Issue #3 had done a similar trick, but it had the virtue of using the Monitor looking over the various tableaux depicted like a benevolent deity looking over the world. This on the other hand makes no effort to unify the different images. It's just a collection of unused art thrown together. The individual images are nice, don't get me wrong, but they don't constitute a singular crystallized visual thesis.

Up top, it looks like Kid Flash and Superman-1 are keeping Superman-2 from being sucked into a vortex.

Middle left, Wonder Woman-1 and Donna Troy are facing down Wonder Woman-2 and her daughter, Fury, in Themiscyra. I smell hijinks. Wacky ones.

Dead center Lyla is once again. Or at least her head is, as it stares out at the reader.

Middle right, Dr. Fate, Etrigan, and The Phantom Stranger are coming to the rescue of a character who you'd only recognize in this series if you'd paid attention to the Monitor Tapes last issue.
Down below, an array of characters look on in trepidation, as characters tend to do in this series. What caught my attention in this panel is the number of Bat family members is this panel. Alfred, Batman, and Jason Todd flank an embracing Robin-2 and Huntress. It's basically Batman, his surrogate father and his children both surrogate and natural, both Earth-1 android Earth-2.

The issue starts with an image of the Earth. It echoes back to the first issue where we saw the birth of the multiverse, except the narration makes it clear that there is only one universe now.

Perry doesn't give a single fuck as long
as nobody sits in his spot. See also:
Sheldon Cooper

ERth -2 Clark Kent wakes up in his apartment, thinking that the past 10 issues were a horrible dream. I think "prolonged, poorly paced fever dream" might be a bit closer to the truth than horrible, but on with the show. He's confused as to why his wife Lois isn't by his side, but shrugs it off and gets dressed for work. Once there, he goes to his office as he usually does when he's angrily met with the office's rightful owner Perry White. Clark is confused and lost for words when he is rescued out by the Clark of Earth-1, who passes Clark-2 off as his slightly dotty uncle. There is an exchange between Earth-1 Clark and Perry that suggests that Perry is aware of Clark's dial identity, but Perry is pretty coy about it.

Okay, there is a lot of interaction between these two this issue, so for simplicity's sake, I'll call Earth-1 "Clark" and Earth-2 "Old Man Kent."

The two Supermen suit up and take to the air, attempting to sort out the situation. Old Man Kent concludes that he must simply be on Earth-1 and is eager to get back to his wife. The very next thought he has is to tell Clark that he should settle down with his Lois, too. Geez, Old Man Kent might either be projecting, playing Yente the Matchmaker, or both.

It might be a bit more complicated than Old Man Kent simply being displaced. They both recognize that they woke up that morning thinking the events of crisis were simply nightmares, and for the most part the rest of the world, at least those they've encountered since waking up can't even say that much. There are some things that they recall, albeit hazily. There's common memory of Supergirl dying in battle, but the specifics aren't there anymore. When they touch down on solid confront a cop, who doesn't even recognize Old Man Kent, despite Earth-2 being a long-standing known quantity at this point.

Joan Garrick: Real Housewife of NJ

They resume their flight, but then they spot a sign for the Twin Cities, Central and Keystone City. But wait... aren't they supposed to be opposite reality analogues of one another? Old Man Kent spots the home of Joan and Jay Garrick, the elderly Flash of Earth-2. Joan, who is multitasking cooking barbecue and wearing a bumpit, which makes me think Keystone might be along the Jersey Coast. Maybe Ocean City. Considering Metropolis is supposed to be New York City, it makes sense that this is their first pit stop. Well, Joan recognizes Clark alright, but wonders who his older friend is. It's also fairly well-insinuated that she knows Clark as Superman, whereas previously the Kents and the Garricks were longstanding family friends. Old Man Kent's bewilderment gets to take a break, however, when Jay comes out and hallelujah! Someone recognizes Old Man Kent.


Jay takes the two down to his lab, where we also find Wally West finishing up repairs on the cosmic treadmill. Leave it to the Flash family to caucus and form a plan in the face of confusion faster than anybody else. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I kind of love the Allen-West-Garrick clan. They're all noble, if a little bit dorky, but unashamedly so.

The group discuss the details of what appears to be a mixed up, merged timeline, although they dance around outright calling it that. The basic fact of the matter is that in the world in which they all find themselves, characters from Earth-1 and Earth-2 seem to have shared a history... except for Old Man Kent, who nobody remembers.

We're sorry. The reality you dialed is no longer in service.

Jay suspects that they are on neither of their worlds and Old Man Kent seriously doesn't like the sound of that. On that note, Wally lets them know that the Cosmic Treadmill is prepped and ready to go and that he intends to go looking for Barry after they're done here. The four of them but the their pedals to the metal and the Cosmic Treadmill does it's thing. Whereas once, they would have found themselves on another Earth, they now find themselves in a gaping abyss of nothingness.

They realize there are no longer other realities except the one they woke up on. Wally suggests they get back to the remaining world and figure out what's going on, but Old Man Kent, concluding that he doesn't belong in a world where nobody seems to remember him, thinks he's better off here and begins to fly off. Clark grabs him by the cape, preventing him from flying off into oblivion and the speedsters hotfoot the Cosmic Treadmill with all speed to get them out of there before Old Man Kent can break free. They rematerialize back in Jay's workshop and the Treadmill is smashed to smithereens, which is convenient now that it serves absolutely no purpose. Wally suggests that they gather as many people together as possible to figure things out, and he knows just the place...

Behold as your innocence curls up and dies.

So yeah, that last paragraph had a lot going on, so I just want to reiterate this in case it got lost in the shuffle. Superman just attempted suicide. That's a big deal. Not only is it disturbing because, being the Superman of Earth-2, and thus the Golden Age iteration, he's technically the Superman readers have known the longest, but it's also incredibly unsettling when you consider what Superman is. He's a paragon of hope. Hell, that's what the "S" shield on his chest means in Kryptonian. For him to fall into such utter despair over the course of a morning really shakes you and drives home how world shattering this is. For once, I like the fact that this isn't neat and tidy. This is bringing some real pathos without delivering another funeral for a friend/noble sacrifice scenario. Old Man Kent just had his whole world taken away from him and what few people do remember him won't let him take away his own life as well.

Old Man Kent's goth phase came rather late in life...

Elsewhere in space, Rory Williams, er, I mean, Rip Hunter and a bunch of people I don't care about have found Brainiac's space vessel, where both it and Brainiac's body itself seem to be dead or inert. Right. DC Comics is going to kill him twice in three issues and off-panel, no less. Oh, DC. You really have me believing. Let me sign up for a pyramid scheme while I'm at it.

Brainiac's dead? I'll have a better time believing forwarding a
chain letter will bring me riches and fame.

Over at Titans Tower, all the newly condensed world's heroes are gathered to discuss what we already know. Only those of them who were on-site for last issue's climactic battle are able to remember the previous existence of the multiverse. Quite notably, Lyla is once again in her Harbinger persona. When that is questioned after having declared that she'd never be able to be Harbinger again, she asserts that much that once was has been rewritten.

Lyla couldn't wait to try on that
ugly brides maids gown a second time.

There are a lot of heartstring-tugging moments in this sequence, such as Lady Quark recognizing Old Man Kent as a man without a world, just as she and Pariah are. I have a feeling that now that he's been absolved of his guilt in the destruction of the multiverse, Lady Quark is going out of her way to be his friend in order to sublimate her rage. They seem to only appear together in this issue-- including the cover.

But I think I have to give the sob story award for the issue to Huntress. There have been a couple different Huntresses and I feel like it's necessary to give a little backstory for this to really understand the impact: In this era, Huntress was Helena Wayne. She is the adult daughter of Earth-2's Batman, Bruce Wayne, and reformed Selina Kyle, Catwoman. As such, Alfred is her surrogate grandfather and Dick Grayson her surrogate brother... also, technically her boss in the law firm she ends up joining. She adopts her superhero persona after her mother is blackmailed by a former associate into donning her Catwoman persona and subsequently caused her death. Not long after becoming Huntress, her father passed away as well.

He didn't destroy my entire world.
We're BFFs 4ever!

I know a lot of people, especially in my age demographic, she is better known as mafia princess turned anti-mafia vigilante, Helena Bertinelli. In fact, I even remember a conversation in which a lifelong DC fan was upset when New 52 continuity relapsed to Helena Wayne. Speaking for myself, I have always liked the concept of the Bat-Family. In fact, I have a hard time relating to Batman when operating independently of them. I suspect saying that might be blasphemy, but I always like Batman better when that "I work alone and live on a consistent diet of justice and angst" mentality is counterbalanced by his mentorship and pseudo-parental guidance. It humanizes him without diminishing his otherness. However, much like what I like about Damian Wayne actively trying to connect with his father in the present, there is something so fantastically tragic about Helena Wayne losing that connection and trying to live up to her father's memory.

Tying that back into the actual story at hand, Helena relates an account of like Old Man Kent, waking up and discovering she doesn't exist in this world when she goes to her apartment and finding someone else living there. Her story culminates in a painful moment when she describes going to where her father's grave ought to be and finding its absence. Then who is she joined by but fellow Bat-Family member and Crisis survivor Dick Grayson, who embraces her like only a protective older brother could.

The best Dick Grayson is big bro Dick.

Pardon me. Looking for some Kleenex... okay, back to the review.

Lyla takes the floor and goes into a lengthy speech about how histories have been altered and merged in the wake of the unified universe's rebirth. As such, certain characters whose existences critically overlap now find that their histories never happened. Only one Tom and Martha Wayne were gunned down in Crime Alley. Only one shuttle was sent from Krypton on the eve of its annihilation. I know in-universe, this is pretty major, but I have to admit that it really sounds like this issue is going to great pains to make sure you understand what's happening. I feel like a teacher is talking to me ridiculously slowly and clearly while pressing visual aids up to my face.

We have to take you out of the story before
someone realizes you're just a She-Ra clone.

Elsewhere, a bunch of occult heroes come to the aid of Amethyst. Yeah, like I said, instead of giving you a taste of what's going on in this issue, this cover just gives away surprises. Amethyst apparently is another multiverse refugee. My problem with her inclusion here is that her existence, like Superboy-Prime's, diminishes the narrative impact of the scenario Wolfman and Perez established. Initially, it was only the denizens of the five Earths who survived. With each extra-dimensional character that appears whose Earth wasn't included in Lyla's remaining Earths council, it just makes me think that the Anti-Monitor really doesn't take his shtick seriously. Then again, I'm growing more confident in my conclusion that he's a sub-par main antagonist.

They help her escape from a crowd of superstitious villagers... in Las Vegas? You know what? I'm not overthinking it. This interlude is shoehorned in and I'm fairly convinced they included her under editorial edict. Moving on before I waste another brain cell.

Not understanding what is going on or where she is, Amethyst attempts to return to her reality of Gemworld (it's a truly, truly, truly outrageous place), but something both bars the portal she creates and blinds her in the process. Dr. Fate steadies her, but on looking her in the eye, he recognizes something about her and realizes that she cannot stay on Earth and opens a portal to return her to her reality. Goddammit, DC! Didn't we just spend over half an issue going into agonizing detail about how there is only one reality now? You couldn't wait a full issue?

In the background of this subplot, however, are ominous pink clouds and the Anti-Monitor's shadow warriors. They go completely unnoticed.

Old Man Kent really does get the shortest stick here.
He lost his history and he's too old to start anew.

In the skies above, Clark chases down a despondent Old Man Kent. He refuses to give up on the elder Superman in his time of need, just as Old Man Kent didn't give up on him. Old Man Kent is at his lowest ebb. With the world rewritten and everything he once knew gone, he finds himself in a world where the one person who means the most to him has never existed. And here he is a man with no place in the world. Both of these are merely the result of the whim of fate. He has no sense of place or purpose in this world. I would argue that this moment is tragically short, but it's just so beautifully sad a moment that to tamper with it would spoil it.

Back at Titans Tower, we get a few more instances in which this continuity clean up results in more problems than solutions. Donna Troy relates her experience on far away on Themiscyra Paradise Island. Wonder Woman and her sorta sister meet Wonder Woman and her daughter. And that's about it. I didn't get my wacky hijinks. I just got awkwardness. Meanwhile, Power Girl doesn't understand why she is remembered but Old Man Kent isn't. My no-prize answer is that her defining attribute isn't being Kryptonian. It's her boob window. Maybe that protected her.

He has traumatic past life memories about
his clashing green and purple wardrobe.

Batman, Robin (the young Jason Todd one, for clarity's sake), and Alexander Luthor report that they checked out Lex Luthor, who they found in prison. Not only does this Luthor not remember the events of Crisis, but he actually shows an incredible amount of disdain for costumed super-persons as a rule. Knowing that we're trading in the mad scientist in green and purple power armor for the sly, Machiavellian power broker we're all much more familiar with, we can see the transition evident here without it being really concrete about the direction the character would be taking, which would ultimately be codified in John Byrne's The Man of Steel mini series.

I found the inclusion of Alexander Luthor feels odd in this instance. Yes, I can understand why he would be there. He has previously demonstrated a curiosity about his father (in retrospect, I realize he was creeping on a private moment between Old Man Kent and Old Lady Lois because she was his mother on Earth-3), but last time they were face to face, we had insight into how Alexander views his father's doppelganger, and by extension, Alexander as a person, as opposed to Alexander as a walking macguffin. However, he is just present in this scene, which is unfortunate. It felt like he is utilized in this scene more to give him a presence in the issue than to further his character.

Finally, Changeling finally has the wherewithal to move the plot forward. As poignant as some  of these scenes of singular universe realization have been, they've overstayed their welcome. Gar points out the ominous pink clouds, which the narration does us a solid by illustrating just how widespread they've become. And by "widespread," I mean "global." Why do I think this is such a glorious boon? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, we get to see more of Gorilla City. I'm generally more of a Bronze Age/Modern Era reader, but I have to give credit to this most silly of Silver Age inventions. Sam Simeon appears in all of one panel, but I think he might be my new favorite. It's also nice to see that Solovar has been upgraded from "probably dead" to "seriously injured" due to DC's hard reset to continuity.

Pariah is the heroes' equivalent of a canary in a mine shaft.

Elsewhere, the Challengers of the Unknown continue to be characters I don't care about. At least the off-brand GI Joe characters we met during the "protect quest" portion of the early issues had the decency to include a haunted tank. These guys, I'm sorry. Wolfman and Perez have done a decent job with making us feel somewhat acquainted with a wide array of characters from DC's catalog, but the Challengers fall flat. Then again, with such interesting and bizarre characters peopling the DCU, a bunch of science guys who don't really have a visible story hook and seemingly exist to exposit scientifically are doomed to underwhelm. Anyway, whilst spelunking they find an entire underground cavern full of the evil anti-matter pink storm clouds.

Back at Titans Tower, Gar compares the storm to Ghostbusters, presumably the scene after Walter Peck unleashed the ghost containment tank. Lady Quark notices Pariah vanishing. She looks genuinely concerned, despite how frequently this happens. Again, further supporting my assertion that she is overcompensating for having spent so much time hating him. Pariah seems to be caught halfway through being teleported away and sounds especially pained by the experience. Meanwhile, Alexander Luthor's body is once again half antimatter. So yeah, his brief existence as a character has ended and he's once again a full-fledged macguffin.

Oh, like you weren't thinking it...

It is finally becoming quite apparent to everyone that they aren't out of the Crisis woods just yet. On a rooftop above, Clark and Old Man Kent look up and see an astral outline of the Anti-Monitor staring down at the last Earth, making a proclamation of, "Welcome to your doom!"

I'm going to have to call shenanigans on this final splash page. Oh, it's perfectly serviceable, don't get me wrong. My problem with it is that it's an example of what I also complained about with the cover: laziness in the art. It's less noticeable than the cover mind you. Whereas the cover looks like a few random unused panels tossed together in a failed attempt to create a singular definitive thesis, this is an example of a recycled moment. I probably wouldn't even notice or care if it was in some random issue of New Teen Titans, and honestly that would be an excellent way to illustrate Trigon. However, in the same story, one that even to this day purports to be the biggest story DC has ever told, it shows either a lack of creativity or a fondness for shortcuts to repeat a final page reveal for the penultimate issue in the same cosmic style as that of the second issue. I could see an argument for symmetry, but I doubt it, especially considering the last couple issues haven't even bothered with final reveals.

No, really, guys. I'm totally going to destroy you all, this time.
I mean it. Why are you laughing?

I'm honestly not sure what my final opinion of this issue is. On the one hand, looking at it as an individual issue, it delivered some intensely powerful character moments, did a seismic amount of world building, and it made me care about certain characters who have been featured heavily since the beginning of this maxi series as well as others I wouldn't have otherwise even known about. It helped make what is essentially an editorially mandated revision to continuity into something that feels personal. That is no mean feat.

However, as the penultimate installment of a 12-issue event series, it feels out of place. I honestly love less action packed "palate cleanser" issues that allow the reader to breath and take in what has happened and how the plot has changed our characters. However, they work better in an ongoing series, where they can split up different story arcs without taking away from a finite number of issues needed to tell one overarching narrative. Crisis already had one with issue #8 and I generally welcomed a break from the action. As much as I liked all the attention to character and this opportunity to take in what has happened, with only two issues left to go, I felt like this issue should have been building towards the final climactic confrontation instead of what effectively amounts to a superhero get-together and peer counselling session. The final threat of the Anti-Monitor kind of sneaks up on them, reminiscent of a toddler who is genuinely surprised every time a jack-in-the-box pops out. I like it on its own, but within the context of what it is, where it is positioned in the overall story, and what function it ought to be performing, it falls short of what the event needs.

Join me next week as I finally get to see the final Crisis. No not that Final Crisis. Ugh. Why did they list it that way on the "next time" tag? Next time, we're putting this series to rest with Crisis on Infinite Earths #12.

The Evil League of Evil

After the past two issues, I had almost grown complacent, hoping that Marv Wolfman and George Perez had reached a new plateau in their storytelling. Alas, though, this latest issue shows us that we may have perhaps been on a brief reprieve. Or was it? I think this issue manages to relapse into being all over the place, but it still manages to maintain a focus in a manner that really shifts the reader's vantage point in a way that hasn't been explored in the series up until now. While, this issue reverts to form by being all over the place in terms of action, locations, etc., one could argue that in terms of narrative and perspective, this is perhaps the most focused issue yet.

The cover of issue #9 of Crisis on Infinite Earths is basically a team shot, villains edition. They're in a big stampede, with Brainiac's skull ship dominating the background and Lex Luthor leading the charge in the foreground. I don't have all that much to say about it because... well, half these guys are either really unfamiliar to me or I simply don't recognize them in their current designs. And there are a lot of villains. Maybe too many. I get that the creative team wanted to convey just how much of an impressive team of baddies that has been mustered, but it looks like the attempt to squeeze in as many as possible made it look a little messy.

We open up on Oa, home of the Guardians of the Universe, aka the little blue space jerks that are best known for quibbling over parliamentary procedure and being the Green Lantern Corps' bosses. It's here that we also meet for the first time in this event the literally red-headed stepchild of the Green Lantern characters, Guy Gardner. Going into this series, I have something of a frame of reference for him. The first trade paperback I ever read was The Death of Superman, where he was a member in the included issues of Justice League America. Additionally, Geoff Johns included him in some of the GL stories of his I've read, including Green Lantern Rebirth. Most importantly, this:

In-universe, Guy is the Green Lantern everyone can agree on... not liking. He is to Hal Jordan and John Stewart what US Agent is compared to Captain America. Both are still heroic characters, but filtered through the zeitgeist of the Reagan era which accentuated some more negative traits that goes with it. Such as jingoism, American exceptionalism and toxic masculinity. But where the contrast between Captain America and US Agent created an interesting discourse on what it means to be a hero representating of a nation's idealism, Guy compared to the other GL's more or less comes off as a bit of a jerkass and a cocky hothead. Although, I have a thing for jerkass heroes, as they tend to get a lot of the best lines (see also: Damian Wayne, Emma Frost, Namor).

Guy Gardner: Most Stylish GL.

It seems the Guardians, having previously offered Guy a position with the Corps are doing so again specifically to help deal with the events of Crisis. Guy declares that he always wanted the ring and confidently declares that no evil will escape his sight, as is the wont of any self-respecting corps member. It makes me wonder what has happened to John Stewart to necessitate giving Guy a ring (John's ring?) Sometimes it's easy to forget since I'm reading this series on its own 30 years out from its publication that it was still running concurrently to DC's regular ongoing titles.

So much for new hire orientation...

It's interesting to note that while John was basically wearing the same suit that Hal wore, Guy has a bit more flare. He's wearing a black-gray unitard with a thick turtleneck collar, chunky boots, gloves, and belt all three of which are accented by what look like either buckles or pouches (excessive buckles and pouches are to the late 80s/90s what needless piping is to today's design issues), and the bringing the look together is an emerald green sleeveless double-breasted bomber jacket with a GL emblem in the center. I won't lie, I like the jacket, but the other touches seem a little pointless. The suit is just a construct of the GL ring. Why are there so many buckles in a suit that doesn't actually require closures? The form isn't following the function when a function is non-existent. Also, a turtleneck? Seriously? Did he just happen to leave directly from a coffee house poetry reading? But this is fine. Silly, but fine. We are definitely moving closer to the ridiculous redesigns we'll see in the 90's but we aren't quite at ninjas wearing cyber battle armor quite yet..

How do we know Ganthet
didn't arrange their deaths
to do away with
pointless bureaucracy?

Guy's hasn't been inducted for a whole minute when a blast of energy coming from the darkness beyond Oa hits the planet with pinpoint accuracy, turning GL headquarters to rubble and dust. Guy, having survived his first full minute in the corps, is shocked to find that the Guardians are dead, having believed them immortal. One managed to survive, he goes unnamed, but due to his prominence in GL lore, I'd say he's probably Ganthet. He basically says, and I'm paraphrasing, "yes we're immortal, so any force that can kill all but one of us is a nigh-insurmountable force to be reckoned with. Enjoy your first (suicide) mission.

It's a redux of the cover.

I'd argue that the issue gets a little sloppy whenever this issue turns to the united league of villains, and you can pretty much take it as read at this point that the creative team is plowing through important plot points in order to position the greater DCU into where it needs to be for the sake of the event. However, because of this, it's also where the issue gets a little madcap, which is always fun. We find ourselves inside Brainiac's bigheadship, where T.O. Morrow is the last person to arrive at the party, having been teleported from the Watchtower and the entire guest list consists of villains. All the villains. All of them.

Running the background of the major events of the previous three issues, we've been seeing all these less-than-morally upright characters vanish into thin air, but the demands of a world ending crisis event has kept the heroes from pursuing or sometimes even noticing the disappearances. Finally, we get to see the fruits of this slow-burn of a plot point. They have all been assembled by Brainiac and Lex Luthor with the sole goal of, what else, taking over the world! All five of them!

On a sidenote, it's quite honestly equal parts baffling and amusing to see a version of Lex whose business cards clearly lead with "supervillain/mad scientist" in big bold letters and wears green and purple power armor complete with an ornate Egptian-style skirt. I think his post-Crisis reinvention by John Byrne crystalized him as a savvy legitimate corporate businessman (and later politician) who pull the strings at a distance and never gets his hands dirty. Pre-crisis Lex might as well be disco dancing in a rhinestone studded leisure suit for how charmingly retro he feels.

Alexie Luthor is about to get ejected from...

... The No Homers Club

When the Lex of Earth-2, who still has his hair but none of his sartorial flair questions who put Earth-1 Lex in charge, claiming he could out-science him and they don't need him, Brainiac concludes that he makes a logical argument that they don't need two Lex Luthors. It does not end well for red head Lex. On the one hand, it's an effective way to get everyone on-board, but on the other hand, destroying members of your talent pool just to make an example of him is just going to end up causing friction that will end up biting them in the ass. The last remaining Lex begins to dish out the plan as we cut to a different space-faring vessel...

A Tamaranian space Captain Karras and first mate/yeoman/possible sexual partner, Taryia are prepping for Koriand'r, aka Starfire, and two of her teammates from the Teen Titans to be beamed aboard. From what I can tell, from reading the first 9 or 10 issues of New Teen Titans, Tamaranians are the Deltans from Star Trek The Motion Picture spliced with Flash Gordon design aesthetics and given a fire/solar power gimmick. What that basically means is that they are sensual, relatively lack boundary issues, wear wacky space opera apparel, and can shoot energy beams... or at least Starfire can because she was experimented on.

Oh, right, that's probably important. Starfire was the princess of her people but was basically sold into slavery to spare her people from the terrors of a superior conquering force, who proceeded to make a test subject out of her, and I think heavily implied to have used her for sex, so I can't see a reunion with her people, who allowed those kind of violations as yielding a lot of fond memories. The captain and his buxom lieutenant hint at some very important responsibility that Kory will have when they arrive at their homeworld, but just leave that hanging for the time being.

Yeah, I looked these two up--
they're totally doing it off-panel.

In short order, Starfire, along with her teammates, Nightwing and Jericho. It's funny that the Tamaranians are very much cosplaying Flash Gordon but playing with Star Trek toys because that teleporter effect? Yeah, that borders on copyright infringement, complete with the rounded appearance of a Starfleet teleporter pad and kirby dots taking the place of the crystaline effect of Trek's transporters. I bet the longer you hang with the Tamaranians, the more you'll come to realize that they really are just a jumble of homages to other space-faring sci-fi properties.

It would be shameful of me not to point out that Nightwing is in his infamous first costume after changing superhero personas, which despite first appearing in the mid-80's is spectacularly disco. Not many men can pull off a deep V-neck AND the arch cowl from a Bela Lugosi Dracula cape, but Dick Grayson found a way. Although, with an ass like his, you can get away with a lot worse. I'm not quite as familiar with Jericho, but basically, he's the son of the probably New Teen Titan's most famous antagonist/uneasy ally/frenemy, Deathstroke the Terminator. He's mute (I think his throat was slashed during his childhood, which was probably pretty rough based on his pedigree), has possession and/or astral projection powers, can really pull of a killer mutton chops/jewfro combo, and dresses like he LARPs as a cleric. Oh, and I'm fairly certain his character met with both figurative and literal character assassination in the 90s because the 90s are why we can't have nice things.

Maybe it's not that she's open,
but that Dick was raised by Bruce Wayne.

Kory seems quite thrilled to be going home to the planet and family that sold her into human bondage with implied sexual implications and happily introduces Nightwing to the captain, whom I am guessing she just met, as her lover. Dick is taken aback, having forgotten how open and expressive Tamaranians are about intimate matters. It's adorably awkward. Also, I suppose it makes sense that he'd forget about that fact, since no doubt Kory has adapted to how she interacts with humans in the five years since she debuted, but can easily slip back into her instinctive manner of behavior when among her own people.

In hushed tones, but still heard by Jericho (does muteness give you superhearing a la Daredevil?) Taryia tells Arras that Kory must know, if she plans on taking her lover along. Because taking her platonic friend along apparently doesn't mandate transparency. Poor Jericho. The third wheel isn't even worth acknowledging, let alone factoring into making considerations.

Meanwhile, back on terra firma, Cyborg and Firehawk, fresh off the exploding Red Tornado debacle, are flying/leaping across Manhattan until the finally meet up with the rest of the Teen Titans, Wonder Girl, Kole, Changeling on a rooftop. Their conversation as they make their approach belies the fact that the provisional stability the five Earths have are not without their problems, as part of NYC seems to be in more flux than usual. There is a part of the city being referred to as the "Warp Zone," as 1984 was a hot minute before Nintendo permanently added the term to our collective subconscious.

Will there also be maps to the dinosaurs' homes?

On Earth-1, however, the Warp Zone is a place where the timey wimey stuff from earlier in the event is still happening. Dinosaurs and Zeppelins roam the land in this area where time is in flux, as we are informed amusingly in a page full of DC's science luminaries being interviewed with questions by DC's reporters. Surprisingly enough, the two most interesting interactions are from an evil pr reporter a good guy, whom we haven't seen the last of this issue. They both ask questions that in one way or another shows that maybe their head isn't in a place of well-balanced journalism. Jack Ryder's asking how a time anomaly will effect the crime element is a bit baffling, but Bethany Snow asks a a roboticist about the anomaly, a field that is outside his purview, and then getting smug about his inability to field her question. Yeah, that's one way to gain the trust of the viewing public. Guess which one is the bad guy.

Journalism at its finest.

In the grand scheme of this event, that's probably small potatoes, but since the New Teen Titans collectively are the protagonist on this issues B plot (note how little time I've thus far devoted to the main plot), we are concerned by Wonder Girl's husband being somewhere in the newly minted Anachronism District.

Consider your choices, 'Hawk...

Firehawk convinces Wonder Girl to let her keep her company in the search for her husband, Terry. Gar hits on Firehawk as they fly off. The two bond over the fact that Changeling and Firestorm are girl crazy. Even though Firehawk admits that on Firestorm, it works for her. Different strokes, as they say... Although, I really wish the caption as they fly off didn't tell the reader to follow their story in the next issue of Firestorm, I wish they'd accidentally ended up going to Earth-7642 (the DC/Marvel crossover Earth) and made friends with the Danielle Moonstar of this era, because Sunspot was similarly awful/wonderful in his youth. Although, bare in mind Changeling and Sunspot are still young enough in this era that you can chock it up to immaturity. Firestorm is a college student in this era. And a college student in 1984-- an actual adult. Ergo, I maintain that Firestorm is the worst.

Meanwhile, Clark Kent is reporting the news... and it's only now that I realize just how weird it is that Clark and Lois are tv reporters instead of print journalists in this era. I understand DC's efforts to keep their characters relevant to the times. It actually made a lot of sense, for instance, when the Clark of the New 52 was writing for an online news outlet. But seeing Clark behind a news desk is just a little unexpected. The whole thing about Clark, at least when he's in Metropolis, or Gotham, or pretty much anywhere besides Smallville, is that he goes out of his way to effect an unassuming demeanor. In fact he'd probably want to keep out of the direct spotlight, lest his face as a news caster and his face as the prominently featured news story both appear often enough that viewers start putting two and two together.

Probably neighbors with that Charlie Brown kid.

Now that I've tangented, time to start another tangent. Clark is finishing up a broadcast, telling viewers that Alexander Luthor will be meeting with the UN that afternoon. Meanwhile, his co-workers discuss how cold his delivery is and how he's been like this since Supergirl's death. Then, perplexingly, we cut to a panel of what looks like someone from whatever reality the Family Circus characters live in watching the end of Clark's broadcast. There is seriously nothing about this little boy's appearance or the pictures on his desk that suggest that he exists in the same shared multiverse. I'm not joking when I say he looks like a Sunday newspaper humor strip. I did some digging and found out that, no, this character is neither a pre-crisis DC character or one who will be folded into Post-Crisis DC. However, he was created by DC back in the days before the concept of shared universes was even a glimmer in Lee and Kirby's minds. His name is Bernie the Brain, a featured character in the book Sugar and Spike (the titular characters appear in the framed photographs, in exactly the position they'd appear above the title of their book. They were characters created by Sheldon Mayer, one of the earliest creators and editors of All-American Comics, which later became the company we now know as DC Comics.

The book briefly reaches into the past of Earth-1, where we catch back up with the characters from Haunted Tank and Our World At War in time for them the witness of wave of fushia energy. It's gone before they have the time to figure out what is going on. But the reader gets to see just a taste of what to come, as the same wave seems to be traveling further into the past. And the narration hints that it is a past that is ready to be changed. I'm not sure if this is phase umpteen of Anti-Monitor's evil plot or the actual fabric of DC's multiverse trying to knit itself back together into a cohesive hole, but either way it's sufficiently ominous.

Now, before we go further, I feel it's important to state that this point is the dime upon which this issue is going to radically turn. It is suddenly going to have a lot of momentum propelling it forward with a lot of smaller but interesting sub-plots to... just silliness. But I am worried I'll have less to say because the book becomes both cameo porn and very punchy punchy. I'm always going to be more about character building and plot progression than action. Sorry. There's less meat on the bone, but there is still some interesting stuff and I'll try to be fair to it.

As if we haven't already seen a horde of villians earlier...

For the first time in a few issues, we turn our attention to the three last minute sidequests Earths. Not only have we given them much thought, it turns out the hero community at-large hasn't either. After the mission into the Evil Anti-Matter Universe, it seems like all of The heroes from Earth-4, Earth-X, and Earth-S migrated to Earth-1, leaving their own worlds defenseless. As the old saying goes, "with great power comes... Eh fuck it, let's go hang out at the cool kids' house." And finally, we return to this issue's selling point. VILLAINS ATTACK!!!

And honestly, it's the part of the issue that I probably have the least to talk about, which is really disappointing, considering how long this subplot has gradually been coming together and how much the cover attempts to sell it. For now, all our baddies are only seen in shadow as we watch civilians being rounded up and a couple panels of the few remaining heroes of the 3 sidequest Earths possibly knocked out, but more likely totally deadskies. I am utterly incapable of ID'ing either of the fallen heroes, but I'm guessing as we get closer to the end of this maxi series, they are merely the first trickle in a flood of C-Lister deaths.

Meanwhile, in the UN, Pariah fails at adhering to dress codes. While addressing a cross-dimensional session of the UN, Pariah is still dressed like he's cosplaying as a sorcerer's apprentice, meanwhile Alexander Luthor is I a three-piece suit and Lyla is in a puffy fushia blouse with her hair in a bun. Did Pariah, just not get the memo about attire or is he stuck in what he was wearing when he broke the multiverse for the rest of his existence? 

The three of them a calmly, evenly attempting to keep the leaders of 5 worlds apprised of the current status quo of the story and it's honestly refreshing to see Pariah demonstrating a relaxed demeanor. But that can't last, can it?

While they are having this conference, Wonder Woman, in her Diana Prince persona, and Lady Quark, wearing a trench coat over the costume she was wearing when she arrived, are watching the proceedings on a display in the window of an electronics store. I can only assume that the reason the sole survivor of her dimension and an actual ambassador aren't in the UN assembly hall is because it would have been gauche for them to hold a private conversation in person.

A grudge for the ages... until the event resets continuity.

This is the second time on the same page that we have a character who has been trapped on Earth-1 for weeks, if not a couple months, and yet is still wearing the attire she arrived in. Unlike with Pariah, I can see no reason why she can't change her clothes, which makes me think it's either a) it's a containment suit for her powers, b) the denizens of Earth-6 are allergic to Earth-1's textiles, or c) it's the only thing she has left of the world she knew and can't bare to take it off.

The two discuss Lady Quark's vengeful feelings toward Pariah, for his indirectly causing the destruction of her world when he awoke the Anti-Monitor. Diana argues that she can't hold it against him forever, as it was an accident. Lady Quark concedes that someday she may forgive, but will never forget. I'd really be interested to follow her through her appearances post-Crisis because she is filled with justifiable anger, and yet is conflicted, and suffering an incredible loss.

Considering from what I understand, the Post-Crisis DCU exists as though it had always been that way, I wonder how the incorporate her backstory. Though, to be fair, as far as my research could turn up, she Lord Volt, Princess Fern, and the denizens of Earth-6 were created specifically for Crisis, so at least fans at the time hadn't had time to really emotionally commit to those characters. Wow. her whole planet existed just to die. Imagine a whole planet of Uncle Bens and Thomas & Martha Waynes just walking around, giving speeches about great responsibility and wearing pearls just in case their tragic deaths should come at any moment.

Good ol' Pariah...

Back at the UN, the questions delivered to the Crisis trio start to get a bit more pointed. Coincidentally, Pariah returns to form, has a bit of a freak out, and vanishes, declaring that the danger has not ended. I can't help but notice this just happens to occur when he's posed with questions about international/dimensional diplomacy that he can't answer and that shine a huge freaking spotlight at his terrible accountability track record.

Not to worry, though. Pariah's presence is soon after replaced with the gigantic floating head of Brainiac holographically being projected into the UN assembly hall. I'm sorry, but this is a just hilariously perfect instance of text book supervillainy.  I look at this scene and I can't help but think of the giant statue head of Thetis (Maggie Smith) in Clash of the Titans (the real one from 1981), crashing to the floor of the temple and declaring her demands for a virgin sacrifice. He gets the leader of Earth-1 caught up on what we already know-- that Earths-4, X, and S have been conquered by the Villainous People's Front. Or the People's Front of Villainy. Or possibly the Villainous Popular People's Front.


Brainiac leaves it to Lex Luthor to explain their demands. Luthor materializes (or is projected into) in the chamber, causing Alexander to be surprised that Lex Luthor looks so much like his father. Nine issues in and Alexander needs the concept of alternate realities explained to him. Hoo boy. Lex says that since five is a much better number than three, he demands that Earths-1 and 2 surrender to them or they will destroy the Earths that they do have. And I cannot help but think this is such an unadorned bluff. If Earths-1 and 2 refuse, and they make good on their threats, they'll have no Earths under their control.  Ye gods, this is so transparently dumb silver age logic. Of course, the five Earths being linked, them destroying the Earths they have will destroy all of them. Again, another flaw in the plan-- if all the Earths are destroyed-- where are you guys going to keep all your stuff? This is an incredibly dumb plan of last resort that the villains are treating like a master stroke. Lex, the supposed genius gives them fifteen minutes to come to a conclusion. Fifteen minutes for the united governments of two different Earths to make up their minds about the fate of the multiverse, whereas today, it apparently takes the US government of only one Earth weeks and weeks just to come to a consensus of who can use which bathroom. Let's hope 1984 wasn't an election year in the DCU.

This sort of victim blaming sounds like it would actually fly in today's culture.

Having heard this, Clark Kent finds somewhere private and busts open his shirt for the classic S shield reveal, then flies off declaring "this is a job for Superman!" I think this might be one of the last times that expression can be used without being twinged with irony because I feel like the DCU that we find after Crisis, is far more emotionally grounded. It's funny to note that he has on a Legion ring. Was this his from when he was Superboy (yeah, pre-Crisis, Superboy was just younger Superman and not a discrete character unto himself) or is he wearing Supergirl's as a remembrance?

The Creeper. Yeah, I don't get it, either...

Next, we cut to one of the reporters we saw earlier, Jack Ryder, transforms into honestly the oddest DC Hero I've come across in a while: The looks like the love child of the Joker and Kraven the Hunter. Based on what I learned from my reliable source, Dr. Internet, I get the impression that Creeper is a character that has been around for ages and writers will periodically keep trying to make him work, but he never seems to stick around for long.

Meanwhile, in 1917, an aviator notices that pink field in the sky from earlier. Just in case you were forgetting that particular plot point...

Back in the present, the heroes of Earths-1 and 2 attempt to break through a barrier that the villains have put up around Earth-4 while Alexander Luthor continues to argue with a UN delegate.

Wally's private time.

Then we cut to the idyllic little hamlet of Blue Valley, where Wally West, currently Kid Flash, hereafter known as Best Flash, is laying in bed in his boxer shorts reading a letter and eating an apple, where he is recruited by Jay Garrick, and Lyla. Because nobody believes in knocking the door. Being a teenage boy in his undies, Jay and Lyla should be relieved that he has an apple in his hand and not something else.

Lyla and Jay don't even knock.

And-- oh, my stars and garters. This is the first time we're seeing Lyla's complete new ensemble and I just want to know who she's taking to prom. I'm fairly certain I've seen this get-up during a screening of Teen Witch (kids, ask your parents about that seminal 80s classic). Lyla mentions that the Monitor's notes said Wally had a problem and a certain knowledge that they need. Jay Garrick says with Barry Allen being MIA, Wally's on deck and offers Wally his old ring. Do the Titans use rings too or is this his Flash-brand costume ring?

Jay proposes to Wally and a thousand shippers cry out in unison...

Wally is game, and one transition later, he and Jay are prepping a cosmic treadmill (just... just go with it), which will let an assembled army of heroes cross to the captured Earths. A page worth of cameo padding later, the two speedsters put their pedals to the metal and open up a rift which takes forever because this book is dedicated to the noble art of watching characters watching other characters doing shit.

From here on, the comic, is just a protracted fight scene and some more C-List fodder the most notable I can recall is Tula, aka Aquagirl. Earth-4 seems to have the most generic subjugation, although Chemo has poisoned the oceans. Earth-S has been turned into a frozen wasteland. Over on Earth-X, Poison Ivy (who either looks bland in general or bland when not a redhead) has initiated a floral apocalypse.

Oh, no. Not.. whatshername...?!

Firestorm's gonna get it.

Of course the villains get various moments to shine. the Joker taunts the Freedom Fighters now trapped in Ivy's vines, and the fact that Uncle Sam starts of his retort with the word "sonny," really just cements how dedicatedly folksy/charming he is. Meanwhile, on Hoth Earth-S, Killer Frost tells her other weather and ice-themed brethren that they cannot underestimate the forces that the heroes can marshal. And believe you me, I am waiting for Firestorm to get his comeuppance after going along with Frostie's mind rape and manipulation... and being a creep about it, too.

What is more interesting than the fighting itself is the narration, which is actually a conversation between Brainiac and Luthor, who are such chessmasters in this issue. All the other villains they've assembled are expendable pawns. Not just expendable, they expressly intend for both the rest of the villains and the heroes to either kill one another or burn each other out, making them easier to subjugate when Brainiac and Luthor will swoop in and win the day for themselves alone. Better the heroes take out some of the more deadly of their allies than have to do it themselves. Ye gods, the secret evil plan, is so much cleverer than the publicly announced plan.

Did you try shutting it down and
turning it back on?

Luthor notices that he's been monologuing for a while and he turns to Brainiac to see why he's so quiet. The machine man is very still but then starts sputtering red hot energy and kirby dots and explodes. In the wake of the explosion, Luthor is knocked to the floor. He looks around to find the big, glass-domed head of Psimon gloating over his cleverness and suspicious nature. And looking particularly  declaring that "Psimon says Luthor must die as well!" Yeah, considering my first toe in the DC waters after over a decade of being a Marvel purist was the Young Justice cartoon series, I really appreciate Psimon getting really creepy and calculating villain moments. Apart from the body horror that is the upper half of his skull, there is something horrifying about the whites of his eyes being blackened and his pupils glowing while as he stares down arguably the kingpin of DC's pantheon of villains after having just blown Luthor's only recognized equal to smithereens. Surprisingly enough, I think this is only the second time the issue hasn't ended with a big reveal splash page. Although, whereas with the final page of Supergirl's funeral, I kind of feel the team wanted to capture every moment of Superman laying his cousin to rest, in this moment, I just feel like they were rushed, less emotionally invested in this leg of the narrative, and honestly just wanted to get it over with.

Psimon:
B for villainy, A+ for villain speechifying.

It is a flashbang, both literally and figuratively for the issue's A-plot, but overall, the villains' story in this issue is not worth the slow burn of a build up it has received over the previous few issues. I imagine for someone who was reading at the time, seeing all the villians of the era was satisfying, but so many of the villains either aren't prominent enough for me to be all that familiar, did not make it it into the Post-Crisis DCU, or do not resemble the iterations with whom I'm familiar. They clutter up the page. It's not the only clutter. I honestly feel that there was very little story to the A-plot of this issue, so we are forever being distracted from the thrust of the story to see panel after panel of various characters' reactions to the main action. I'm sure for many people, part of the fun of crossover events, and to be fair, this was the first (or one of the earliest) such event of its kind, so the art of juggling such a huge number of characters wasn't quite there yet. For me, though, I need narrative flow. I would much rather see what we saw in issues #7 and #8, where we shift between a mere handful of POV characters between a distinctive A-plot and B-plot.

Speaking of the B-plot, and I fully admit that I'm being overly generous with that description, it's very much just a cobbling together of enough disparate characters' plotlines to give them a semblance of an emotional story to tell. Did we need to visit with Firehawk and the Teen Titans? Honestly, no. Did I enjoy their scene? Damn skippy. They wouldn't even be worth writing about except they manage to engage the reader, which is more than I can say for the villains. It feels like conflict by numbers, and a particularly silly one at that, since the villains-- even Brainiac and Luthor-- really ought to be pragmatists motivated by self-interest  and the last thing they should be doing on the brink of armageddon is forcing a conflict against the people who thus far have been the ones keeping the entirety of existence from being wiped out. It makes so little sense to me that I'm honestly questioning whether this entire issue was cooked up mid-way through production simply to fit the planned 12-issue format without truly thinking it all the way through. 

Okay, Crisis has me wiped out and I am in need of a break. Next week, I'm going to something much more of a one and done and with less thought involved. Maybe something cinematic. Some film I can dig my nuclear talons into and really rip apart... Care to join me in that particular quest for peace, gentle readers?

Supergirl's last gleaming

One of comics' most iconic covers.

Before I say anything else, I think after slogging through the first 6 issues of this series with my opinions of them being decidedly in the mixed category, I can happily say that this issue was fantastic. It's focused, has a sense of purpose, and has a sense of stakes and consequences that feel real. More importantly, I felt an emotional reverberation that the first 6 issues honestly lacked. The previous issues all seem like they are constantly at risk of buckling under the weight and scope of the sprawling narrative that ranges across time, and space, and realities. With this issue, however, the story zeroes in on characters in a way it hadn't before. Oh, don't get me wrong, the gratuitous size of the cast is still there, but the POV doesn't shift quite so often. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the old beat-by-beat...

Lyla and Alexander are floating around in space on an asteroid. Lyla is pretty much tapped as far as powers and Alexander is pretty much being kept to the rear for some sort of final trump card because he is made of both matter and anti-matter. Pariah appears insists that Lyla must know why the Monitor set up his “eternal life/appear at mass misery” powers. She says she does and says that perhaps it is time for explanations, but first she tells him to take the three of them to earth, where “all will be enlightened.”

Cut to Earth-S, home of Captain Marvel, Mary Marvel, Uncle Marvel, and presumably Fetus Marvel. Also, an anthropomorphic tiger because Earth-S is the best place in the DC Multiverse.

This looks like the beginning of furry slash a beautiful 
friendship.

Two characters I’m assuming are part of Captain Marvel’s rogues gallery are having a discussion. Sivana is your run of the mill 50’s mad scientist. Short, bald, round glasses, lab coat. Ibbac seems to be his designated hired muscle. Big, not too bright, doesn’t wear a shirt (very hairy chest—woof),and has a short proto-mohawk. Sivana thinks he’s ahead of the curve. He tells Ibbac of his plan to take over all five Earths before anyone knows what has happened. Captain Marvel appears, totally interrupted the supervillain monologue because I’m assuming Captain Marvel, his alter being only a kid, lacks proper superhero/villain etiquette. Before that gets too far Sivana and Ibbac vanish.

The Murky and Lurky of Earth-S

             
We see that Psycho Pirate’s hold on the heroes of Earth-4, Earth-S, and Earth-X has dissipated and they’re playing nice with the Earth-1/Earth-2 heroes who were sent there to help.

Meanwhile, the heroes of Earth-2 commiserate over their maimed comrade, Wildcat. They are secretly observed by someone who was on the scene when it happened, Yolanda Montez. She seems to know who his secret identity is. Her thought bubbles say she regrets never having told him about her own powers and regrets that they would have made a good team. In this issue, she has donned his costume, which really must have been taken in to be such a snug fit on a woman. She’s the new Wildcat. If this proves important is anybody’s guess.

The Exposition station has been downsized to Exposition asteroid.

               Back to the whole universally-significant plot, Lyla, Alexander, and Pariah have gathered up six characters, one from a different Earth, only five of them from a still extant Earth: the Superman of Earth-1, the Superman of Earth-2 (the older one), the Blue Beetle of Earth-4, Lady Quark of Earth-6 (the sole survivor), Uncle Sam (yes that Uncle Sam) of Earth-X, and Captain Marvel of Earth-S. Also, Alexander is from Earth-3 and Pariah is, safe to assume, not from one of the main Earths either, but the writers seem to have forgotten that. Lyla is telling these representatives the big explanation in the hopes that they will explain it to the rest of the population of their respective earths.

Elections were not held, I'm taking it.

Ages ago, there was only one universe and the people of the planet Oa (distinguished by their blue skin, white hair, and penchant for robes) were the sole residents (or sole residence of consequence) and were an immortal, scientifically advanced utopia. That is… until one of them who is selfish about his scientific discoveries, named Krona, scienced too hard and created both the Evil Anti-Matter Universe and the multiverse. Oa seems to be the only planet without duplicates in the other dimensions with the exception of the exception of the EAMU, where it is known as Qward (Oa being the one from the Positive Matter Universe). As punishment for his actions, Krona is turned into immortal incorporeal energy… because no comic book character has ever come back from an eternal prison or anything like that. Oh, when he’s sentenced he’s totally saying “you will suffer for this,” putting him firmly in General Zod territory.

   The Oans get hypervigilant about maintaining the integrity of the multiverse and anti-matter universe, since one of their own was responsible. At first they created the Manhunters, which were machines, but later abandoned them in favor of creating the Green Lantern Corps. [Quick case of backtracking for something I forgot to mention in an earlier recap. GL John Stewart and other corpsmen have been having trouble using their rings. A trip to present-day Oa in issue 5 or 6 revealed that the Guardians are trapped in a stasis field. These two facts will probably tie into this somehow.]

The GLC’s rings are powered by an energy source the Oans generate. I don’t see how this really fits into the multiverse, since the GLC acts more like intergalactic cops than interdimensional ones. But I digress… Not all Oans were satisfied with the GLC, which led to an Oan civil war, resulting in half the Oan population to an alternate dimension, where they built destructive weapons and evolved into a race known as “The Controllers.” I’ll hazard a guess and say they’re bad news.

I wonder if they shrank and went nearly bald as a species from dealing with the likes of Kilowog.

               Over the course of the millenia, it's probably important to note, they evolved from fairly  humanoid with blue skin into blue yoda-sized guys. 

Anti-Monitor might as well be a space zombie.

               On the moons of Oa and Qward, respectively, the Monitor and Anti-Monitor sprang into being. The Anti-Monitor took control of Qward and created an army of “thunderers” (no idea what those are), the elite among them he changed into the shadow demons who have been plaguing the heroes on the various Earths in the COIE series thus far. With these, he conquered the EAMU.

            Meanwhile, the Monitor was basically going the route of asceticism—meditation and learning the secrets of the universe. Running out of things to conquer, Anti-Monitor sensed the Monitor across the multiverse, recognizing him both as his other self and as something to be conquered, resulting in a million years of stalemated warring between them until they both blasted each other into a very long comatose state for 9 million years. It turns out that Pariah was the one who woke the Anti-Monitor. He considers it 1 of 3 of the sins he must atone for. Thought we were done with the info dump? Ah, such optimism…

Unreliable narrator?

           Pariah can’t even tell us which Earth he’s from, it’s just a foggy memory for him. Like most of the major players riding COIE’s backstory asteroid, he was a brilliant scientist who created wonders that damn near created a perfect world—he was like Jesus, DaVinci, and Caesar Augustus all rolled into one. Then he discovered the existence of the multiverse, which was frowned on by his people because they have a damnation prophesy regarding learning the origins of the universe, but he (like most comic book scientists, I now realize) is made up of 99% hubris. He builds an anti-matter chamber to explore the multiverse and destroyed his universe in the process because matter and anti-matter cannot co-exist. Whoops.

This is what we in the professional world call a "whoopsie daisy."

       He was kept alive in solitude for 1 million years. The explosion of his world caused the Anti-Monitor to awaken and feed upon the energies of Pariah’s world, making him stronger and more powerful than the Monitor.

To Summarize Pariah’s Three Sins:

1.      Exploding his own universe.

2.      The Explosion awakening the Anti-Monitor.

3.      The Anti-Monitor increasing his powers by feedings on the energies of the exploded universe.
Conclusion: So, he didn’t really commit three sins. He committed one sin that had compounded levels of bad results.

               Lyla chimes in to mention that he also woke up the Monitor. Silver linings… Being more proactive this time, and made Pariah into a being with the ability to sense and be drawn to dimensionally cataclysmic events and he would follow Pariah to them. But with every universe the Anti-Monitor destroys, the Monitor’s powers wane. The Monitor looked for heroes to aid in his mission and in the process, he found Lyla as a girl drowning at sea and takes her as his own and raises her as his daughter.

Isn't this the same backstory for Fury and/or Troia?
Pretty homogeneous origin story for Amazons not named Diana, huh?

                Now that we’re done this, Lady Quark is about ready to pounce on Pariah for his part in all this, but Captain Marvel holds her back while Uncle Sam exhorts them all the band together instead of resorting to in-fighting. Master strategist, that Uncle Sam…

Calling her "ma'am" is actually kind of charming.

               Next, we are treated to a page where each row of panels includes different heroes across different Earths are discussing their situation, having presumably been caught up on the details. Earth 1: Spectre, Deadman, and The Phantom Stranger are having a meeting of the Spooky Club. Earth 2 has Power Girl and Huntress [sidebar: Earth-2’s Huntress is the daughter of Bruce and Selina Wayne and she’s all kinds of cool].

Possibly a callback to Supergirl and Batgirl's scene from issue #4

Earth-X has clearly the most important characters ever: a pink “Dead Pirate Roberts” lookalike named Firebrand, a guy in a hazmat suit named Human Bomb, and Dollman. He seems to be about 10”, wears red ankle boots, and Dr Strange’s cape. Earth-4 has Blue Beetle, who must have since returned from the Exposition Asteroid, talking to Nightshade and Peacemaker. Earth-S features the Marvel family worrying about Captain Marvel, but it cannot go without saying how fun it is to see Beast Boy, who was one of the Earth-1&2 characters sent there last issue,  fluttering about as a pterodactyl, as is appropriate behavior for any megamorph when extinction is nigh.

               We return again to the Storytime Asteroid, where a large fighting force of heavy hitters has been gathered. It is explained that while Pariah can go to the next cataclysmic event, he can’t take people with them (that time he teleported Lady Quark to safety must have been a one-time deal), so Alex, being composed of both matter and anti-matter is the residential transit macguffin of COIE. Monitor instinctively knew this, which is why he sent for him in the first place. Sidebar, Alexander has grown to manhood and has a curly red mullet. Alexander opens a portal and the narration compares it to the parting of the Red Sea.

Christ imagery is heating up.

In this moment, Alexander, who like Kal-El, was put into a rocket as a baby and shunted off into space in order to avoid a genocidal event, officially becomes more of a Moses analogue than Superman. Pariah spells out what he said a page ago by saying that as part of his atonement, it’s his job to lead the heroes to the Anti-Monitor.

Moses powers are a go!

               The assembled heroes fly through the “cosmic membrane” and the narration is in full congratulatory tones. You can almost hear the intense orchestral John Williams music playing in the background. They arrive at fortress that looks like an ancient near eastern ruin floating in space. The heroes regard it as having never seen anything like it.

An evil lair as built by an ant colony.

               Inside, Anti-Monitor knows all, sees all and wants Psycho Pirate to use his powers to enslave the oncoming heroes, however, PP is tapped out from having used his abilities on the entire Earths of three different realities. Anti-Monitor is most displeased and smacks PP around before deciding it’s time to take matters into his own hands.

I get the feeling that Prof Stein is fucking with him.

               The heroes enter the outermost extremes of the fortress. Characters notice a) their powers don’t work here the same way as they do back in their world, b) they got into the fortress way too easily, c) they’re all feeling afraid of what is to come. Light appears in the mouths and eyes of the gargoyle-like statuary of the fortress and the very stone and mortar of the building shapes itself into limbs and stone golems assaulting the heroes. Lady Quark is beseeching the spirit of her husband to help her blast their foes to pieces. Earth-2 Superman is shocked to discover himself bleeding following a direct hit—Kryptonians, it seems are vulnerable here. They are barely holding their own. The only hero who seems to have an edge is Captain Atom. And it’s not even that great an advantage since his ability to smash them to bits is counteracted by their ability to reform themselves.

This either raises the stakes or belies the color of the sun.

               The party is split in the chaos. Superman-1 is looking for Pariah. Pariah needs to forge ahead along with Dr. Light while Superman-2 holds off the stone golems. Pariah is crushed by the very infrastructure of the fortress seconds before Superman-1 catches up. Timing is everything. Dr. Light suddenly has a really good focal point for her pent up irritation. “The Anti-Monitor is going to pay,” and flies off. She didn’t get the memo about Pariah’s immortality, but Superman did. He’s not entirely certain if she’s a hero or villain, but she seems to have the morally right agenda, so he chases after her.

Dr. Light has mastered both English and empathy in a short time.

               Supes reaches DrL. She’s vengeful not stupid, so she waited for him outside a chamber containing a solar collector, a massive machine she deduces Anti-Monitor is using to reduce the vibrational differences between the Earths. He asks if she’s certain. Come on, Clark. You’re a reporter. She’s got a PhD. A PhD in Science. Omni-disciplinary comic book science. She’s got this. She wants to take this tech home to study, but Superman is feeling pretty punchy. Before either can act on those urges, Superman is hit from behind with a powerful blast of bright white energy. His pain is so intense and so visceral, his scream appears as a sound effect instead of a word which Supergirl hears with her superhearing and flies off to his aid knowing full-well that she might be killed by something that can cause Superman to scream that way. Again, the narration might as well be giving the superheroes one big collective blowjob. EVERYTHING IS EPIC.

And I am not using that word lightly. Everything from this point and forward in the issue is worthy of viking songs or Klingon opera. The narration is beautifully purple and gives this half of the issue the emotional weight is richly deserves.

Idealism vs 80s grim-dark

               Anti-Monitor is smacking Superman around. Dr L intercedes and declares how murdery she’s feeling. Anti-Monitor either freezes her or teleports her away in an honestly cool looking silhouette panel. Supergirl catches up with Pariah, who senses tragedy is about to unfold and Supergirl rushes forth, determined to save her cousin, determined to take up the torch for him if she fails to save him.

           She catches her foe by surprised and gets in a few good punches, thrashing him about as she harangues him over all those lives now lost. He smacks her away sending her flying into a wall with only one hit. She grabs the stone floor and literally rips it out from under him, then resumes wailing on him and destroying his “life shell,” and destroying the solar collector in the process.

               Anti-Monitor’s proverbial kid gloves are off and he transforms into a creature of glowing red and white energy as he declares, “You, your cousin, your friends, your worlds all shall die with you!” The fortress shakes and Supergirl tasks Dr. L (whom she manages to really impress, which should not going unmentioned) with getting Clark out of there to safety and getting the heroes out of the EAMU. She flies directly into the glowing form of the Anti-Monitor, smashing him and soon she is consumed, glowing like the same red energy.

She turns around, telling Dr. L to make a run for it and Anti-Monitor takes the advantage, killing her. Without a body, that took a lot out of Anti-Monitor. He blasts off screaming “you’ll pay for this next time” like a Captain Planet villain.

               The building is crumbling to bits. While the rest of the heroes regroup out front, Superman-1 is still in the solar collector chamber surrounded by Dr. L and a few others, holding the dying body of Supergirl. She tells him how much she loves him and was inspired by him until her final breath. Superman-1 assumes the “scream at the heavens” position declaring he’ll kill Anti-Monitor for this while Superman-2 comforts him and preaches against vengeance for Supergirl’s sake.

               The fortress is still crumbling (it’s like quicksand—it really does take a while) and they need to escape before Alexander’s powers give out. They don’t want to end up like the Egyptians at the end of The Ten Commandments and that Red Sea is a bitch to get caught in. They fly back through, Superman-1 still carrying his cousin’s body.

EPILOGUE
               The five Earths are no longer at risk of destroying each other and the weird time anomalies have stopped, but they’re still interlocked and frozen in time and space.  A memorial is held in Chicago on Earth-1, news coverage airing. Batgirl delivers a eulogy intercut with images of the Daily Planet folks watching from their offices as well as heroes from multiple earths mourning for her in attendance.

               Superman takes her body, wrapped tightly in her cape now repurposed as a burial shroud, to the Fortress of Solitude. He reflects on all the hope and optimism of her when she first arrived on Earth, a young girl of 15 with nothing but her future ahead of her. From there, he takes her body out past Earth’s atmosphere and just lets it float around in the vacuum of space for eternity. Good lord, Superman—cremation is your friend. It wouldn’t surprise me if an alien villain had found her body and used it to reverse engineer an anti-Kryptonian weapon or zombifies her. Minor Spoiler: However, that didn’t happen. After this event, Supergirl is literally erased from existence. She never happened. That heroic sacrifice is utterly trivialized and her heartfelt requiem is obviated from memory.

DC probably didn’t realize quite what a “fuck you” it was to their audience, but it was hardly their last. As meaningful as the second half of this issue was, DC’s perennial tug of war it has between its need to sustain the iconic status quos of their major character and its creative teams’ need to have the space to tell new stories is one that invariably results in the status quo winning out. The impact of the stories they don’t tell are immaterial compared to the wills of an often capricious EiC. Part of what was decided when Crisis was planned was that they decided that there was simply too many Kryptonians running around, which diminished both the mysterious nature of Krypton and the isolated “god amongst men” aspect of Superman’s character. Of course, this didn’t last because nobody remains editor in chief forever. Jay Edidin of Jay and Miles X-plain the X-Men (listen to them, they are one of the best comics podcasts out there) once pointed that you can tell what the status quo was when a new editor-in-chief first started reading by what regressive changes s/he makes. However, inevitably, the next wave of creative talent comes into the different with a different status quo crystalized in their minds and can just as readily make their own resets in whatever contrived methods they choose based on a precedent that has its root right here. Such mentality in creative leadership is capricious and cyclical, and really puts on display creators’ unwillingness to grasp the fact that continuity and characterization marches on and their job is to be the torchbearers and not the gatekeepers of modern myth.

Despite that angry rant, I have to say that this issue is without a doubt the best so far in the series.  The issue does carry out some of my grievances from before during the first half of the issue, but it synthesizes them into something more cohesive. There is still a massive weight of DC cosmology exposition, but the writing doesn't try to fight against it like it has in previous issues. Yes, the Pariah and Lyla's exposition from the dawn of time is unwieldy, but it's finally providing some real, concrete answers so that the reader is finally given some solid footing in the narrative instead of just being told that the destructive force is the bad guy. Yes, there are the cast of thousands, but we most of them are largely left in the background and we narrow our focus on only a handful of characters so we feel engaged in the narrative. Then, once the narrative transitions to the raid on the anti-matter universe, the narrative transcends into something that truly feels epic, the narration becomes swells with the purpleness of its prose and you realize pretty quickly that out of the fodder of the first six issues has risen a truly standout piece of work that is a match for its iconic cover. Wolfman and Perez hit their stride with this series when they realized that one character's emotional experience and self-sacrifice and the resonance of her loss is more potent storytelling than checking in with hundreds of characters we don't have time to invest in. Taken out of the context of what came after, this is probably one of the most moving and earned comic book deaths I've ever read.